Call me crazy ((Dixie))

[Professor Adam Greene]

Tying up the loose ends of his thoughts, Adam scrawled a few more lines of writing onto the parchment and finished the two-foot essay on muggle politics. He didn't much like doing homework, but this was an assignment he found easy and somewhat interesting given that he was considering a job with the Ministry. He did find though that the way muggles did things was so long and tedious. Happy to be done at least, Adam rolled up the parchment and tucked it in his bag with the rest of his school supplies. He looked up from his chair and saw that the common room was empty. No surprise, he thought. It wasn't often you saw a slew of Slytherins huddled over stacks of homework. Not that Adam spent hours upon end doing homework himself, but he used the tranquility of the common room when he could. If he did want to secure his job with the Ministry, he knew he had to at least keep decent grades for his last year.

Throwing his bag over his shoulder, Adam stood up and walked across the dark dungeon room toward the boys' quarters. He was about to descend down the stone steps just before he saw a girl coming into the room. He nodded at first, acknowledging her presence and was going to keep walking until he realized who it was. "Oh, hey Dixie," he said to the girl whom he recognized from his year. His mind instantly thought of Harrison, his former roommate, when he saw her. He knew that the two were good friends and wondered how she was taking his transfer from Hogwarts.

"You know, the room's a lot different without Harrison around," he said, casually leading into the subject. "Have you heard how he's been doing?" Adam and Harrison weren't exactly best friends or anything, but they did share a room for over seven years. They at least knew each other pretty well. Adam watched Dixie's face, trying to read her expression. If she was too upset about the topic, he figured he could just drop it.

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

...I don't know how you managed to screw this one up, Dixie Anne, but be aware that this is the last time you mess up something that could be very beneficial for the whole family.

Signed,
Your father.

Scowling, Dixie ripped up the letter and shoved it into the furnace. Her father knew exactly what to say to make her in an even worse mood. Of course, he understood nothing about what happened between her and Harrison. It appeared that no matter how much Derreck seemed to dislike the guy, he thought Harrison was a good choice for a husband. Well, that didn't matter because he wasn't the one marrying him. She was. Dixie pushed the stool she was sitting on away from the furnace and placed it back underneath the counter, grabbed a cup of chai tea and made her way back to the Slytherin common room. Her feet moved quickly down the corridors. She hated being out alone. Dixie looked over her shoulder as she rushed past sleeping portraits. Making sure no one was following her. Finally, she reached the common room and woke the portrait in order to gain entry. She sipped her tea as she entered the room and looked up at someone speaking.

It was a boy in her year, Adam something. She didn't really pay attention to names all that much. If they were important, she knew who they were. She nodded at him and sank down into a chair, taking another sip of her tea. It was when he mentioned Harrison that he peaked her interest, "Oh, who bloody well cares how 'Mr. Harrison I'm Important' is? For all I care he could have jumped off a cliff. It would have made my year." Dixie smirked and took another sip of her tea. She looked at the boy over the brim of her cup and eyed him, "Did you know Ole' Harri boy well?"

[Professor Adam Greene]

Dixie seemed slightly upset as she strode across the room and took a seat, her face showing a void of happiness. She didn't much seem to care or notice Adam until he spoke of Harrison. Then, in a sarcastic tone of voice, Dixie went off on him. Adam just stared in shock as he watched her take a drink and then question him about his and Harrison's acquaintance.

"Well I did live with him for almost seven years," Adam replied with a confused voice. He was sure Dixie knew this, so he wondered what more she wanted to know. "Were we best friends? Obviously not," he said, answering his own question. "I suppose I know the basics, but couldn't tell you much more than that," he said, thinking about Harrison for a second. Should he have known him better, he wondered.

Adam walked over to where Dixie was sitting and took a seat in the chair across from her. Knowing very well who Dixie was, Adam normally wouldn't have joined in a conversation with her this readily. However, he was bored, and feeling outgoing for the moment. Heck, even if it were someone less intimidating than Dixie, the odds that Adam would have initiated conversation were slim. But there he was, sitting with one of the well known Queens of Slytherin, pushing her buttons by bringing up a subject that she obviously was not happy with. Adam had to grin to himself, thinking of his random act of audacity.

"If I wouldn't have known better though Dixie, I would have assumed you missed Ole' Harri. Weren't the two of you supposed to marry?" he asked. The whole topic was rather interesting. He didn't know the whole story, and the more he thought about it, he started to wonder why Harrison left in the first place. With a blank stare, Adam simply looked at Dixie and waited for a response- if he should even have expected one.

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

Dixie watched Adam a moment and then sighed, "Well, yes, I suppose you're right. But I can't say I can relate. I don't know anyone in my dorm room very well. Well, besides Israel and even she's only a little." Dixie looked down at her cup and took another sip. Dixie wasn't very social, especially with anyone in her year or dorm. In fact, this was the first conversation she had with anyone besides Harrison. With a small hmph, Dixie took another small sip of her tea and looked back up at Adam. "I could tell you more than just the basics. Harrison never was one for the complications. He liked simplicity. Sometimes though, life isn't simple. That was something he had to learn. He never really learned it, though. He was always in his fantasy world. Oh, he claimed to know reality - but he doesn't know reality. No one does. Reality is what you see when you're not all there..." Dixie's eyes glassed over for a second and then she looked back down at her tea.

There was a silence between them a moment, and Dixie got a good amount of her tea finished before Adam spoke again. This time about the engagement. Her eyes were blank a moment, and then they grew intrigued, "What do you know of our engagement? Or of what was our engagement? If you can call that pathetic period of time an engagement..." She finished her tea and then pulled out her wand. In moments her cup was refilled and another was floating in front of her, in between her and Adam, "Go on, take it. It isn't poisoned. My sister does all the dirty work. It's rather good."

[Professor Adam Greene]

The reaction that he evoked from Dixie was not what Adam had expected. She obviously wasn't too upset, for her speech was civil and her actions rather calm. She did seem to go off on talk of roommates and Harrison's personality. What she said made little sense or even mattered much to Adam, but he listened regardless.

Then, she spoke of Harrison again, and their engagement. He wondered why she asked what he knew. Was it supposed to be some secret? The only way Adam knew much about it was from the little talk that he heard between Harrison and his other roommates. They often excluded Adam in their conversation, simply because he was the least similar within the group. He still overheard them from time to time, not because he was trying, but merely by chance.

"Well, all that I know about it was just from what I overheard being talked about. I didn't realize it was secretive if it is. Plus, it's not like I talked to anybody else about it, you know. I can't say it was one of the most important things to me, not to be rude." Adam spoke truthfully about the matter. It seemed to him that Dixie didn't quite know what to think about it. He found it interesting that she was so interested to hear what he had to say. Naturally, he would have assumed she could have cared less about him.

When she filled her own cup and conjured a similar one with his wand, Adam hesitantly reached out and took it. She assured him it was safe, but he was more worried about what it might be. When it came to hot drinks, Adam was picky. Carefully, he moved the cup to his lips and sipped the hot liquid. "Mmm," he said swallowing. "It's good, thank you." He thought it tasted like some flavor of tea. It wasn't the best he had ever had, but it was good. "So you have a sister?" he then asked, making the connection that he hadn't made before. The name, he couldn't quite remember, but when Dixie mentioned it, he thought he recalled there being a younger Holden girl in Slytherin. "I have a younger sister as well," he said, figuring she didn't care much, yet he kept trying to converse anyways.

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

Dixie watched him. Her eyes studying him as he spoke. After he finished, she continued to just stare. Then she shrugged, "You weren't rude. Just honest. The honest people are the polite people no matter what anyone else says." She held the cup with one hand and fiddled with a loose thread on the armchair with the other. She pulled at it and watched it come from the chair. "It wasn't secret, but there wasn't really an engagement. He went around telling people one thing and I made sure everyone else knew something different. It was more like a 'you're gonna marry me whether you like it or not.' Got to give the Devil his dues, though, he was the only one who could see past everything I lied about. He knew when I wasn't being truthful about anything. Whether it be if I took my medication or if I forgot to make my bed. Actually, he was like my mother in some ways." Dixie smirked again and took a sip of her fresh chai tea.

"That's a first though," Dixie smirked, she didn't quite feel like smiling, "If I didn't know any better I would say because I'm a Queen people take even more interest in me. My insanity just adds to it. You know, I'm not really insane. They just think I am. My mum wants something to add to the Holden slash Laurie name. Why she would want an insane daughter is over my head. You probably heard that I was committed to an institution and everything. But that isn't true. I simply was taken to a psychologist and they 'evaluated me.'" She was rambling by now, and lying through her teeth. Was it possible to believe you were completely sane when you actually weren't? Dixie didn't care. She pressed her lips to the cup of tea once more, swallowing the liquid. It was thick like hot chocolate, but it had a gingery taste to it. Sometimes Dixie added hot cocoa mix or pumpkin spice to add even more flavor to it. She looked at Adam as he took a sip of his. She smirked again, this time on the brink of a smile, "Chai tea. It's rather good. Especially on the nights you don't feel like hot chocolate." She could probably live off Chai tea.

When he asked about Mack, Dixie's eyes flared up. He didn't know who she was? How could he not know who Mack was? Mack Super Star? Granted, they looked nothing alike. But Mack, who had two albums out, was not known by someone in her own house. This brought that crazy smile to Dixie's face, but it slowly wilted as much a crazy smile could wilt. "You don't know her? Don't tell her that. She'll think her world is crashing." When he spoke of his sister, Dixie thought about the name Greene. Oh, yes, a second year. She had her own little second year pet. Or at least did. Padme never spoke to her anymore. "Sierra, right? Yeah. I've seen her around. See, unlike you, I make it my business to know who everyone is." She smiled cheekily at him and took a sip of her tea again, leaning back in the arm chair and closing her eyes... relaxing.

[Professor Adam Greene]

Again, Dixie surprised Adam with her reaction to his honesty. From what he knew of her, she was part of the Queens of Slytherin, yet in his getting to know her, he was starting to wonder why she was. She didn't seem to be like the rest of them. Of course, he might have caught her at a rare moment. For all he knew, she might snap in a moment, revealing the traits that could make her the ideal Queen of Slytherin. She went on to explain about the situation with Harrison. Apparently Adam had only heard the one side of the story, not realizing Dixie was totally opposed to marrying Harrison. "I see," were the only words in Adam's reply to the situation.

The more he was getting to see of Dixie, the more he realized she was nothing like he had judged her to be. This only showed the faultiness in judging someone before actually getting to know them. In this case, Adam just figured it was safe to stereotype Dix as the regular self-centered Slyth- however, he was realizing just how wrong his assumption was. Dixie next brought up the topic of her insanity. A little confused at first, Adam then realized where she was going with it. "Oh, yeah," he said casually, "I did hear something about that, but as usual, I didn't know much more than the basics. And how often can you trust the stuff you hear floating around anyways." He wondered why Dixie brought up the topic in such a way that seemed as if she thought she needed to defend herself. Maybe she just assumed that everyone thought her crazy. Shrugging, Adam listened as she moved on again with the conversation.

"Well, I've heard the name before," Adam replied when he saw the shock he evoked when Dixie realized he didn't exactly know her sister. "I'm sure I've seen her around before, but I doubt I could pick her out in a crowd. In case you don't know much about me, I'm not exactly the most social person, you know." He listened then as she mentioned his sister, Sierra, and how she did actually know her. Maybe Dixie knew more about him that he thought.

Adam was leaning forward by now, fully engaged in the conversation. Realizing it, he saw Dixie lean back and drink some more tea. This reminded him of his own, and he imitated her. "I must say, this Chai tea," he said, repeating the name that Dixie used for it, "it's awfully good. In my opinion it rivals even the best. Is it your own recipe?"

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

Dixie sat. She just sat. She was quiet. Letting the words he was speaking settle into her mind. It was silly nonsense. It had no meaning. But what did she expect? A serious conversation with someone she had just started speaking with? Yes. That would be nice. She never really had any serious conversations with anyone. For a moment, Dixie pouted and then shook her head, realizing things like that would probably never happen again. She took a sip of her tea just as he commented on it. She smirked, "I do have good taste, don't I?" She said this with a cocky tone of voice, but then again she was cocky. There was a reason she was a Queen. Dixie switched hands, having her first three fingers through the loop and holding the other side with her left. Her eyes darkened and she set her cup on the table beside the chair, "Alright, look..." Dixie leaned back further into the chair and let her elbows rest on the armchair. She stared at Adam a moment and then smirked again.

"You've probably realized by now I'm not the average Queen of Slytherin. You probably are thinking I'm someone most people could get along with. You are probably wondering why you misjudged me." She arched an eyebrow and then shook her head, "You haven't. There is a reason I am a Queen. I am just like my predecessors, I have a knack for scaring people and I'm rather cold. I am not, however, as strong willed as Millicent Bulstrode or Pansy Parkinson, and I am not as level headed or classy as Dawn McGrogan. That does not mean that I haven't earned this position any less than they have." She watched him a moment and then shook her head, "You think I don't know what people say about me? Of course I know! I'm not stupid. I know they think I'm not fit for this position. I know they're plotting my downfall." Here she chuckled insanely, "Oh, I know."

Dixie picked up her cup and took a sip of her tea. She was silent a moment, just staring off into space. Then it was as if she had awoken from a stupor, "Oh, sorry, what were we talking about?"

[Professor Adam Greene]

Dixie made a confident statement about her tea after Adam commented on it. Then suddenly, as if she had read his mind, she quickly entered into conversation about the Queens. He basically sat and starred at her in minor shock. She was ranting on what others thought of her and how, despite what they thought, she was perfectly fit to be a Queen. At the end, she mentioned that others were plotting her downfall and then burst into a hysteric laughter. Adam starred for a bit longer before commenting back.

"Funny you say that. Not the plotting part, but what you said before that about people not thinking you fit in with the Queens. I'll admit, I was expecting something... different," he said honestly. "I mean, I really don't have an opinion either way, I just guess I expected more attitude," he added. Adam hoped he didn't offend Dixie. He was just trying to explain where he was coming from. "I mean, just because you are different from the rest, doesn't mean that you can't fit in with them. But you have to understand the impression that most people expect with you. Simply because the majority of the Queens are similar, it's just natural that they'd expect the same from you." Adam began to analyze the situation more and more, wondering if he really cared or not. He wasn't sure if Dixie even understood what he was trying to say, or if she even cared.

Adam stopped talking for a moment and just watched Dixie. She too had not said anything for a few moments, and she appeared to be daydreaming almost. Then, she instantly looked back at him and asked a question. "Umm, the Queens..." he said, pausing for a moment. Adam wrinkled his brow and starred at Dixie again. She made him laugh to himself. He found her very interesting and there seemed to be something more about her that he couldn't quite put his finger on.

"You know, Dixie," he spoke finally, "I know we're very different people, and I know that I have only seen a fraction of the real you. But I will say that I was mistaken in judging you. I think that most others who have an opinion on you aren't basing it on the real you. Has anyone ever told you that there's more to you than what meets the eye? I know it's a common expression, but it really fits." He stopped again, realizing he was the one now babbling instead of Dixie. He also wondered when she was going to realize that she was sick of talking to him. He knew the conversation was merely surface, but in a way, he felt it went a lot deeper than that.

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

Dixie sighed and set her cup back down, her hand going to her head. She rested her head on her left palm and stared at Adam a moment, her eyes intense, "That's the problem with this world, isn't it? The appearances. Too many peopleexpect people to be a certain way because of who they hang out with, where they come from, what their family's name is; and frankly, it's all too much for me to care about, really. I just want to make it through. It's weird for a Queen to be saying this, I suppose. But I think it's what makes me strong. What makes me able to carry my head on my shoulders after everything I've been through. I'm not saying I'll be the most amazing person in the world, but I'm going to be able to finish Hogwarts with at least some pride and dignity unlike others who just follow people around." She grew silent again, and then smiled softly. A real smile. A pretty smile. One she hadn't given in a long time. Before Harrison came around. Before the divorce. Before everything. She leaned toward Adam and spoke in a hushed tone, "All the Queens have a secret to hide. Whether it be from the other Queens, from the rest of the school, or from themselves. They all have some secret that needs to be buried deep down somewhere. I believe, it's the person who has no secrets... who wears it all out there... is the strongest of all. So you see, the Queens aren't all similiar. Most hide from problems or don't acknolwedge them at all. Some confront them head on. Few let them be known and just deal with them. But all have secrets." She was quite aware she was babbling, but a part of her hoped Adam understood at least half of what she was saying. After all, she made sense inside her head, she figured she would make sense outside it.

It was then brought to her attention that she had spaced out. It was something she did often enough, but something that chilled her to the very bone. She didn't think it had anything to do with her "insanity" but she knew she couldn't be losing her memory. Faintly, Dixie remembered her world when she was being analyzed under millions of microscopes. The world that she was told was fake. The doctors often described her "episodes" as that of her staring blankly into space, rarely muttering a word here or there. Had she done that just moments before? She hadn't visited her "world" since the ward. Why would she visit it now? She chewed the inside of her cheek as she thought of this. She was confused. She didn't know what was real or fake anymore. No. That wasn't true. She knew one thing was real. And that was this conversation she was having with Adam. It was too interesting not to be real. It was too real to be fake. Dixie breathed in and brought her thoughts to the present, trying to find an excuse as to why she had spaced out. "Hmm, I haven't the foggiest clue as to why I spaced like that. Maybe you bore me," she teased lightly with that smile still on her face. Then it was gone like a smoke wisp in the wind, "Or maybe I'm getting tired. Whatever the case, I'm sure it won't happen again tonight." Or at least, it best not. She would be upset if it did.

After he spoke again, this time about her and there being more than what meets the eye, Dixie's soft smile turned into a bright one. These were even rarer than the soft ones. "I strived for that when I was younger, you know. Being someone people didn't expect. I wanted to be unpredictable. Something that no one would see coming until I hit them. I never achieved that until much later. Especially when Mack had her little "revelation" in her third year. I took that better than everyone else did in my family, and they all thought I would take it the worst. Of course, they didn't see how I treated Mack afterward. Maybe I shouldn't have been so hard on her. But would she have learned otherwise?" Dixie asked, although she knew he probably had no idea what she was talking about. Nonetheless, there were things that needed to be ranted and this happened to be one of them. Dixie just hoped she wouldn't scare him off, she was enjoying this conversation so. Even if she were doing most of the talking. She looked at Adam, her eyes almost vulnerable as if they were a little girls again, "I only want her to be happy. To protect her. I seem like I hate her. I guess that's just another facade. People expect me to hate her. So I put up appearances. Maybe I'm not as strong as I make myself out to be."

((Wow, being sick sucks. I can't go to sleep without coughing up a lung. I took medicine, hopefully it will help. In the mean time I thought I'd get up my reply. I like how it turned out. Now on to Vanessa. Hopefully she'll give me a longer post. I feel meds kicking in though, so I dunno if I'll get it up tonight.))

[Professor Adam Greene]

Adam watched Dixie closely. He couldn't help but keep thinking about how odd he found the whole situation. Never in a million years would he have thought that he would be sitting in the common room, having a serious conversation such as this with a Queen. Never. But there he was, Dixie in front of him, telling him so much, risking so much, revealing so much about herself that made her seem human. Adam admired this. It wasn't everyday that a Slytherin would be so willing to come out from their protection of the Slytherin stereotype. Everything that Dixie was saying seemed so sincere too.

"That's a bold assessment you know." Adam began to see that Dix did have the Slytherin backbone. "Not that it matters what you are saying, since I am probably the person who really cares least about what the Queens might have to hide, but what do you think they would do if they saw you here, telling me these things. I mean, I don't fault you, I just wonder if you really are different than all of them. Different in a good way, that is." He was careful to make sure his words did not sound criticizing. He truly did admire Dixie for what she was so willing to bring into their conversation. "I totally believe what you say too," he added. We all have things that we could hide and it is basically a weakness if you are afraid to reveal it."

When Dixie smiled and seemed happy about his next comment, he listened to what she had to say. He didn't quite follow it, but he figured it meant something to her. It was her last sentence that made him nod in agreement. "That's honorable of you- to be willing to admit that. I can't say how many people I've seen that just can't tell themselves that. Dixie," he then said, pausing for a moment before concluding, "I admire you. At least from what I've got to know of you, you've crushed all judgments that I wrongly placed on you, and I think you are a respectable person." He smiled at her and hoped that she understood the sincerity of everything he was saying. He also hoped that she wasn't simply playing him either. But in the end, he had to trust that this really was who Dixie was. It wasn't like him to not give others the benefit of the doubt- especially when they'd earned it like Dixie had.

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

Dixie shook her head, “They would claim it was insane babble. That’s an advantage on their part. Anything I say that might insult them can be excused as babble. I suppose that’s an advantage on my part as well. But I wouldn’t ever do that, now would I?” She sent him a look that said, ‘who knew?’ She might, if she needed to. If there was a large and abundant need to use it to her advantage. After all, she refused to admit to being crazy. She would only use her “insanity” if she was in too deep to claw her way out again on her own. Dixie would never get that deep into trouble, though, never. She was smarter than that. No matter what everyone else seemed to think.

She grinned at Adam a moment, “So do you have things to hide, then, Adam? You just said so yourself, we all have things that we could hide. Don’t tell me you’re weak by means of being afraid. I would be greatly disappointed. We’ve only been speaking for a short time and already I believe you to be a stronger person than most in this house.” Dixie watched him a moment and then looked around the room, “Some people in this house make me sick. They have no idea what loyalty, family, honor, or anything of that sort mean. Most of them just want a bunch of material items that cost more than most people’s lives. But they don’t care. They’re all selfish and shallow. Maybe I fall under that pretense, maybe you do. But I’m not talking about you or me. I’m talking about those who have no backbone. Who need their mummies to keep them living.” Yep. She was babbling again. Oh well. He would have to get used to it if he wanted future conversations.

Her eyes locked onto Adam again and she sighed, and took another sip of her tea. It was gone again. This time, however, she didn’t make some new tea. She smiled at Adam and closed her eyes. When he spoke, she didn’t open her eyes. But she listened completely to what he was saying. She sat a moment after he had finished and after about a minute of silence, she spoke with a smirk on her face, “Are you scared, Adam?” Dixie opened her eyes and tilted her head to the right, “Are you frightened to the point where you tiptoe around everything you say? Have you ever been so afraid that you can’t move? It’s like you’re frozen in spot. You can’t go anywhere. Have you ever felt that way?” She watched him a moment and then stood up, walked over to the fireplace and leaned against the wall. Her eyes glazed and dancing, “That’s how I feel every time I admit something like this. That’s how I feel every time I let someone in or just tell them a little bit about the real me.”

[Professor Adam Greene]

"You have a point," Adam replied. "They could easily outnumber you and just claim that you don't know what you are talking about. "But that makes me wonder, do you really want to be part of the Queens. I mean, I can honestly say I have nothing against them. But what is your motive? You just seem like you are not their type. Is it all just some sort of back up plan for you? You know, the more resources the better. Because I could understand that." Adam realized he was once again analyzing the situation way beyond what it needed to be. Dix was probably tiring of him add his random opinions and question her. But she was still actively participating in the conversation, so she couldn't have been too bored or annoyed.

"What do I have to hide?" Adam grinned and then thought about it for a moment. Before answering, he listened to her go on a bit more, comparing the two of them to others in the house and then commenting that she thought him to be stronger than most. "Well," he said unsure of how to say what he was thinking. "I guess it's obvious I don't exactly fit it. I guess in ways I do, but in many, I don't. I just don't see the need though to be the typical Slytherin that most would think of. I'm going to be me- Adam Greene- and frankly, I don't care much what others opinion's of me are. Well, I care, but not to the extent that makes me change myself just to fit in or please someone else. As far as a weakness, I tend to trust too much. I should know better by now, that there are those people out there that don't deserve trust. But I always find that I can't stop myself from at least giving everyone a chance." He stopped again and watched as Dixie seemed to stare at him and then close her eyes. She was silent for a while and then suddenly began talking again.

Her next words confused him for a second. Dixie was very serious it seemed, although she smirked a bit. Adam let her questions sink in as she shot them off one at a time. He was being drawn in so much by her word that when she stood up, he was startled a bit. He turned and watched her walk toward the fireplace and then finish her thoughts. Not quite sure how to respond at first, he sat for a few moments and pondered what she said. "I guess so... sometimes," he replied in an unsure voice. "I mean, I don't know if it's exactly like you explained it, but then again, it'd be safe to say I've never really let anyone in- at least not far enough that I was worried too much about it. But what you say makes sense though. If you are willing to let someone in, you are equally willing to be hurt. It's just a risk that comes with it, you know? Even if you feel good about letting someone see who you really are, you still give them the chance to use whatever it is you've revealed about yourself. So, yeah, it is scary I suppose." Adam thought it made sense. At least if he understood what Dixie was trying to say. But then he was curious. "So, like right now- just me and you here- does it scare you now?" He asked innocently, wondering if Dixie was feeling those exact things she mentioned with their conversation.

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

Was she scared? Was she shaking with each movement she made? Did she have to control her shaking so that he wouldn’t be able to see it? Dixie looked down at the floor, letting her thoughts swirl about in her mind some. They were having a rather serious conversation for two people who had actually just met each other. Dixie didn’t come close to having a serious conversation with Harrison, and she was engaged to be married to that guy. If she was so scared, why was she telling Adam all these things about herself? Why was she so willing to let him in when she had just met him? Maybe she was crazy. Even more than crazy. She stood there, still looking at the floor, not answering his question. There was silence for five minutes or so and then Dixie looked up, “Yes. I’m afraid that whatever I say you’ll use against me. It wouldn’t be the first time something like that has happened.” Dixie smiled softly, “I guess it’s a common fear, though, isn’t it?”

She stood at the fireplace a moment and then made her way back to the arm chair. When she sat down again, she brought her legs up and tucked them underneath her. In this position she looked like a little girl. That’s exactly how she felt, too. Like a little girl.

[Professor Adam Greene]

After he asked the question, Adam just sat and waited for Dixie to answer. She looked scared. Her face was full of thought, and he could sense the fear. After much silence, she finally answered him. At first the words stung a bit. Had he acted in any way or said anything that would make her think he would do something like that? Then he realized it wasn't anything he had done. It was something that must have just been a part of Dixie. It usually wasn't until Adam reminded himself did he remember that others weren't always as trusting as he was. No matter what he did or how he acted, he realized that Dixie's trust didn't work like his. He knew that for her to feel comfortable around him, he would have to earn the trust.

"I'm sorry you feel that way," he said softly. "For what it's worth, I can say that you shouldn't have to feel that way- at least not with me. I mean, you don't have to." He paused, hoping Dixie realize he was just being himself. He was only having a conversation with her. He was stepping out of his box a little as far as his social boundaries. But he wasn't trying to use her. He wasn't trying to find out her deep dark secrets. If she only realized this, he thought. "I don't know about others," he continued as Dixie walked from the fireplace back to her chair and sat, holding her legs against her chest. "I don't know if everyone deserves trust. But like I said, it's my weakness. I give trust, even if it's not deserved. I think it's just a matter of compromise, you know? I mean, you're right. You are opening yourself up to be hurt, but even I'm doing that by providing too much trust. I guess when you look at it that way, we should both be afraid about others using things against us." He stopped for a moment, collecting his thoughts.

"But I'm not afraid Dixie. I'm not afraid. And you know why? Because I do trust. Even if that trust might lead to my being hurt or used, it prevents me from being afraid. Maybe," he said, trying to sound as sincere as possible so that Dixie knew he wasn't trying to force his opinion on her. "Maybe if you just try to trust a little more. I know that may sound bizarre, but I'd like to think that, at least with me, it would only help things." Adam was leaning forward now, with his hands held together between his knees, his forearms resting on his thighs. He looked at Dixie, still holding herself together on the chair. "Can you try to trust me?" he asked quietly, watching for Dixie to make eye contact.

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

Dixie watched him, wondering how her words were affecting him. For some reason, she actually cared. The feeling was new to her; at least she hadn’t felt it in awhile. Adam was the first person in years that she had opened up to and for him to get hurt because of something she said made her sick to her stomach. Or maybe it was just the chai tea. Dixie blinked, realizing her eyes were starting to dry out, and then continued to watch Adam. He spoke this time, and his words were so sincere that all Dixie could do was sit there, a bit shocked. Dixie was sitting by the time he had started to say the next bit. When he paused, Dixie took the opportunity to speak herself, “I… There are a lot of things in my past, Adam. Trusting was rare in my family, it still is although my mum is with another man and my father is out of our lives co- well- almost completely.” She remembered the letter she had received and destroyed after reading it. Derreck just didn’t know when to stop. She sighed and returned to the conversation, “The fact that you’re willing to trust me, even though you’ve said it is your weakness and you trust too much, is mind boggling. Scary, even. I don’t know what to do, so maybe I find a way to make sense of it. Honestly, who would want to trust me?”

What he said next, almost made Dixie laugh out loud. The old Dixie would have. The Dixie that was offered the position of Queen. The new Dixie wanted to cry. But that part of her that was still the old Dixie wouldn’t allow it. Crying was weak. He was asking if she would try to trust him. How could she do that? What was trust actually? Was it belief that if you were going to fall off a building the person you trusted would at least try to catch you? What was trust? Was it a good thing? It sounded like it could be a bad thing, with the way Adam described it as a weakness. Whatever it was, Dixie found herself willing to try. She unwrapped her arms from around her knees and leaned forward, “Do you want me to? To trust you, that is?”

[Professor Adam Greene]

What Dixie said made sense. Adam figured that there must have been a reason she was scared to open up. It require trust, and that so it was obvious that it was not something Dixie was used to. "It's okay, if that is how you grew up Dixie," he explained. He didn't want her to think that he found it bad that they were different in this area. Some people just trusted easier than others. "And I understand that it's just not going to change in a heartbeat either. I mean, for me, I trust a lot, and it takes a lot for me not to trust. So I would understand if it took a lot for you to trust. Does that make sense?" He hoped she was following his reasoning. Actually, he hoped that his thinking was even logical. Maybe he was the only one that saw it that way.

When she questioned his asking her to trust him, he could sense the confusion and apprehension in her voice. He knew that he needed to explain himself a bit more. "Well, it's just that fear that you mentioned- I don't like thinking that you have to feel like that, simply because you are afraid that I would use it against you. So, basically, I'm asking you to trust that I wouldn't do that, just so that you don't have to feel that fear. Adam thought for a moment, wondering if he could make it easier for Dixie. Then, he thought of something.

"How about this," he said finally, smiling a bit to lighten the mood. "If it would help you to trust me, I will let you ask me one question- any question. And, I promise that I will answer that question honestly. That way, if for some reason, although there would never be one, I would use any of what you said against you, you would have something on me." Adam smiled a little wider before concluding, "And I'm only allowing this because I know that you'll never have to use this against me, and... because I trust you." He smirked as he looked at Dixie, wondering if she found the idea amusing.

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

Dixie was looking at him, but she wasn’t sure if she were hearing him correctly. Well, he had said he trusted a lot, and too easily. But how does one lend out so much trust? She had never trusted as much as he did. Was that because there was something wrong with her and the way she trusted people? Dixie bit her bottom lip, something she hadn’t done since Jack nearly screamed at her at Padme’s. That seemed like ages ago, but it was only a couple of months, really. Dixie sighed and ran her fingers through her brown hair, “How can you trust so much? I understand it’s your weakness, I get this. But how can you give people so much trust if you know they’re bound to disappoint or hurt you?” She had leaned back into her seat by now, her legs out in front of her – but crossed.

“No offense, Adam, and although this conversation is going better than any I’ve had all year, but I just really met you. Now, I don’t trust all that much, but can trust really happen that fast? I mean, strong trust? I’m sure you’re a great guy, but I don’t know if I can trust you because I don’t know really…who you are, or… what you’re like.” Dixie looked down a moment and bit her lip again, “I want to trust you, but I don’t know if that’s because I want somebody to trust or because I like how you’re talking to me and how you aren’t talking down to me like I’m some child.” She closed her eyes and then looked back up, “It’s all so confusing. Why can’t life be simple?”

When he made the compromise, Dixie raised an eyebrow. Did he really think she would be okay with that? Did he really think that would be something that makes her feel okay with trusting someone? Maybe he did. It wasn’t his fault that he believed it would be easier that way. Dixie sighed and shook her head, “I don’t think it will work. But, I must say I’m curious about you. My question: Are you happy with who you are, who you’ve came to be?”

[Professor Adam Greene]

"I don't know," Adam answered with a sigh. "I guess I just trust because I am the type that believes in innocent until proved guilty. It's just how I've been since I can remember- which is kind of ironic I guess. I mean, my parents didn't exactly earn much trust. They were pretty apathetic in my childhood. But just from personal experience, there has been so many times that I know people don't trust me, and they don't even give me a chance. I just believe in giving everyone that first chance... my weakness," he repeated with a shrug.

Adam thought about what Dixie said next. She was hitting some pretty basic truths too, he thought. He really hadn't given it time. It was kind of rash for him to have expected her to just change the way she knew and just trust. When he thought about it, he realized it would have been like her telling him that he wasn't allowed to trust her, just because she said so. He would have trusted her anyways, he knew that. "I guess that was pretty stupid of me, wasn't it?" he said with a small laugh. "Sometimes I just don't think things through the whole way. But anyways," he continued, "I realize where you are coming from, and I understand that I shouldn't expect you to just be able to turn your trust on and off whenever you feel like it. So, I guess I will just do what I do. I will be myself, and, with time, we'll see if I can earn some of that rarely given trust." He grinned at Dixie, hoping she would forget his moment of flawed thinking.

"Hey now, that's not fair!" he joked when she said his plan really wouldn't work, yet asked him a question anyways. Stalling for time to think about his answer, he gave her a fake glare as he processed the question in his head. "Even worse," he admitted, "you can't even keep the question simple." Adam thought it over and over again, wondering how he would even begin to answer that question, or if he even could. "But I will admit, complicated is more appealing than simple anyways. Anybody can do simple."

"Well, I guess I can try to answer your question, since I promised," he joked. "Am I happy with who I am, who I've came to be? In a short answer, yes. But the answer goes way beyond short. I am happy with who I am, you see, but there is so much more that I want to be." He stopped for a moment and thought about what he said. "Yes, my answer is yes," he reaffirmed. "I think that answers your question, but something tells me that you will have more questions now," he smiled, figuring that Dixie would want to know more. However, he was ready to tell her more, if that was what she wanted.

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

Dixie laughed, “Innocent until proven guilty? More like guilty until proven innocent.” She shook her head, a small smile on her face, “Everyone has something to hide, and sometimes that something is a big something, a dark something. So why are they innocent first? Everyone’s born guilty. Sinful, actually.” It was a belief that she had come upon when she was younger. Her father had been horrible enough and it was when she began to wonder why. Mackenzie was a baby, so she didn’t quite understand. Derreck had come home late from one of his indiscretions and Dixie had been awake, reading a book on something dark or another. He was rather drunk, and that was all Dixie had known of him. He was never a good father, so he was sinful and guilty. He was never proven innocent, although he had come fairly close to it, he was just always… guilty. She crossed her arms, and looked away from Adam, her eyes watching the fire.

When he realized that asking her to trust him off the bat was a little bit crazy, he immediately said so. She smiled, her eyes still watching the fire. “It wasn’t that absurd, like I said, you seem like a nice enough guy and a lot of people probably trust you. It’s just not who I am. I don’t even trust myself, how am I supposed to trust someone else?” Her smile was soft and calm, she knew he wanted her to trust him, just so she wouldn’t be afraid of telling him about herself, but trusting in general was hard for Dixie. ((Golly, how many times am I gonna say that in this post, eh?)) The fire was soothing, her thoughts calmed as she watched the flames dance and lick the grate. Her attention was drawn away from it, however, when Adam claimed that it wasn’t fair, her pessimisms about his idea not working. She grinned softly and shrugged.

He answered her question, claiming she couldn’t have kept it simple. It wouldn’t be nearly as fun if it were a simple question. It would just be something like, ‘What’s your favourite food?’ And Dixie didn’t care about that, at least, not at the moment. She wanted to know who he was, and although that might be part of who he was… it wasn’t what defined him. She listened to his answer, which was simple in itself. It was a simple yes. One that Dixie was expecting and one that she figured was all that he could come up with. That question was a rather hard one. How could anyone be completely aware of how happy they are about who they are? There are so many things that could be changed, so many things that could be made into something better. At least, that’s the way Dixie saw it.

“You’re right, I do have many more questions. But I think it would only be fair if you asked me a question in return. How about this, we take turns. Since I asked you first, you ask me next, and then I ask you again, etc. Until one of us feels that we know the other quite well, or as well as we could.” Dixie smiled and ran her fingers through her hair once again.