Call me crazy ((Dixie))

[Professor Adam Greene]

Dixie made some good points. Adam thought about it and found that he really couldn't explain why he thought as he did after hearing her point of view. "Yeah, I don't know," he said with a shrug. "You make some valid points. I guess we just have to keep coming back to the idea that we just grew up different lives and that's why we view things so differently." He listened as Dixie then made a comment about his expecting her to trust him. It made him feel better that she was also willing to see his point of view and at least understand where he was coming from. As he got to see more and more of Dixie, he really was starting to respect her and see that she was continuing to crush every presupposition that he had concerning her.

"Interesting," Adam replied when Dixie suggested that they start taking turns with the questions. He didn't say it aloud, but he thought to himself that her offer showed at least some sort of trust. At least she was giving him the chance to ask some question about herself. He thought for a moment about what he should ask. "Alright," he said, taking one last second to get the question just right in his head before saying it out loud. "What is one thing about yourself that you wish you could just tell to people, yet you are too afraid to do so?" He knew that the question was somewhat personal and deep, but Dixie did give him the go ahead. It wasn't like he was just being nosy and prodding on his own. He gave her a curious looking, raising his eyebrows a bit as he anxiously waited to see what she might say.

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

What is one thing about yourself that you wish you could just tell people, yet you are too afraid to do so? Dixie felt her breath escape her. She felt like she was a balloon that had a hole in it, as if she were deflating. Dixie fidgeted uncomfortably in her seat and then nodded, making up her mind that she had brought up the idea – she couldn’t back down from answering the question. She ran her fingers through her hair again and decided it was time for more tea. She flicked her wand and picked up her cup, which she then took a drink from. Dixie sat there a moment and then opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. How was she supposed to tell him that she was afraid they would all find out she wasn’t… that she didn’t… Dixie bit her bottom lip and nodded again, this time as if it would actually make her start talking. As if that would push her forward. “I would tell them… that I’m not… worthy of this blood. This pure blood that runs through me, I’m not worthy of it. It belongs to someone who can wear it with pride, someone who doesn’t become disgusted of it from time to time.” She had looked down when she had started speaking, and now she looked up. Her eyes locked with Adam’s and for a moment they were helpless. Then the next moment, they were back to being that solid brown colour. They were her brick wall.

She sent him small but sincere smile and then took another sip of her tea. It was her turn to ask a question, and she wanted one that would tell her what he thought of anything. What he believed. Was it easier to get to know a person through simple questions or complicated ones? Dixie sighed, clearly confused on whether to ask a simple one or a complicated one. A simple one might show him she was really interested in him and his life and not just what he believed and what he thought moral, but a complicated one might give her insight to who he really was. She bit her bottom lip for the fourth time that night, and then asked, “What is your deepest regret?” It was a simple, yet deep question. One that would let her know what type of person he really was.

[Professor Adam Greene]

Adam smiled as Dixie conjured herself another cup of tea. The way she did things just made him smile. She said she was afraid, but he thought she handled herself with a lot of courage- he couldn't explain it, but he found her to be respectable, even with all the talk of not being able to trust people that she kept insisting on.

As she answered his question, he titled his head a bit and listened intently to her answer. It surprised him a bit at first, and then he felt some sympathy toward Dixie. "I...," he began, but then paused, remembering to think before he spoke- not that he had something hurtful to say, but just that he knew Dixie was making herself vulnerable by being honest, so he wanted to be sure to chose his words wisely. "You don't need to feel unworthy. I mean, look at me: I am a pureblood who most 'normal' purebloods would consider a disgrace," he said, a little sarcasm attached to the word 'normal.' "But it's all a matter of opinion. Who's to say that they are any more worthy than their blood than you are?" Adam realized he was going off on the whole blood speech, something he was sure Dixie didn't need to hear. But it just aggravated him. Especially when he saw it affect people like Dixie just mentioned. He just didn't think it was right. Dixie didn't deserve to feel like she wasn't worthy. Heck, he thought she was much more worthy that some of the others. Realizing he was getting angry inside, Adam took a few deep breaths and calmed himself down. He always tried to keep his anger under control.

"Look Dixie," he added, trying not to sound bossy, but desperately wishing she would take his advice. "Don't worry about what others think- at least not those that you care about anyways. And those that care about you enough in return won't be those who cause you to feel critical about yourself anyways." He sighed, hoping she understood he really was being sincere and trying to help.

When Dixie moved on and asked him his next question, he paused again, thinking about it momentarily. She sure was finding some difficult questions for him to answer. "My deepest regret," he repeated again, as he did last time. After thinking for a moment longer, he finally decided on an answer. "I guess I would say it deals with my childhood. My parents, they were often away. They weren't the most responsible or caring parents either, I must say. And so, what I regret is... well... just the fact that I think I was okay with them being how they were. I often would take care of my little sister and tell her that they really did love us and that they cared. What I really regret is letting myself lie to me and my sister. Now that I know the truth, I see that it caused a lot more pain for us that we might have been able to avoid if I just would have opened my eyes to the truth." Adam stopped after realizing he was rambling. He wondered if what he said even sounded like a regret to Dixie. It made sense to him, but maybe she wouldn't understand what he meant.

Adam thought about what he might ask her next. He felt like they were learning a lot from the deep questions that they gave each other. Or at least he felt like he was getting to know Dixie better by the minute, not sure if she was the same. But he was kind of getting overwhelmed with the complex question. A part of him really just wanted to ask Dixie an easy question- one that would require less thinking. So, he did. "Okay, this is a bit less complex," he began. "What's the one possession that you value most in this world. It doesn't have to be anything serious. Just something that you would hate to have taken from you, like a childhood toy or something." He smiled, and began wondering how he might answer the question. "Oh, and one more question," he grinned, "How about a refill?" He picked up his empty cup and held it out for Dixie to work her magic.

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

It wasn’t long ago, Dixie thought, that I was one of those purebloods who thought your kind was a disgrace. After all, she had been the one to come up with the term “mutt.” Which, by definition, was someone who was pure but did not deserve to be so. It had caught on in her sixth year, but had died off after awhile. Which, Dixie was glad of, she wasn’t proud of the person she had been when she came up with that term. What he was saying, though, made Dixie feel a little bit better about herself. He was right, of course, and she had told herself that many times before. She didn’t believe it like she did now, though. Maybe it was the way Adam was telling her, or maybe it was really the idea that she was beginning to trust him more. Who knew? Dixie sure didn’t, and at the moment she didn’t want to know. She didn’t want whatever it was that was making it easier for her to open up, to be spoiled. She let out a long sigh, and then nodded. “Alright, I believe you, somewhat. But I guess that’s only because I’ve been one of those people who think some aren’t worth the pureblood. I mean, it was understandable. Especially if your family supports the Dark Lord.” Dixie bit her lip before taking a drink of her tea. Her father was, but as far as she knew Hank and Pam weren’t. They never spoke of him when she was there, and probably even less now that Trevor was gone. Not literally, though. His mind was nearly mush, however, and Dixie couldn’t stand being around him when she was home.

She returned her full attention to Adam as he began to answer her question. She seemed to hit in the right spot when it came to asking hard questions. They weren’t really that hard were they? Though with how much Adam seemed to have to think about her questions, she realized they probably were hard. Dixie let a small smile slip, for some reason she liked to see him think about it. It meant he actually cared enough to honestly answer her question. Unless he was thinking up some grand lie, but Dixie doubted that. When he was finished, Dixie tilted her head and nodded thoughtfully. “You know, sometimes when you lie to yourself or someone you care about deeply, you don’t think of it as a lie. You think of it as a small tale that is told only to protect you and them. It wasn’t like you were doing it to hurt her or yourself, and I bet if you had the chance to go back in time and change what you did… you wouldn’t. Because it was safe for her and you at the time. It might have done some harm in the future, but all that mattered was what you did at that moment. All that mattered was that you kept yourself and your sister safe from anything that could cause you harm then. You weren’t worried about the future and what it would do… you worried about that moment.” She paused a moment and then nodded, as if declaring that was all she had to say on the matter. It was all she could say on the matter, she didn’t know what else to say.

Dixie straightened up in her seat, getting a more comfortable position, as she waited for his next question. She was taking a sip of her tea when he finally asked her, and she was about to answer when he asked for another refill. With a gleeful smile, Dixie waved her wand and the cup he was holding filled with chai tea, “I’m glad you like it so much, it’s much healthier than any soda or sugar filled drink.” She set her own cup of tea down on the table beside her and then honestly began pondering the question. Her mind thought back to when her family was semi-happy. But nothing was there, and then she thought to when she met her Aunt for the first time. Francesca was an outcast in the family, someone Dixie’s grandparents had kicked out at a young age, but she was much more pretty than Pam. Her hair was a fiery red, her eyes a deep green, whereas Pam was dull with brown hair and brown eyes and a smile that could scare a four year old. When Dixie met her, they instantly connected and Francesca had given her a necklace with the triquetra on it. It was an old celtic symbol, and Dixie had adored it. To this day she never took it off, it was almost always hiding underneath her blouse.

With a sigh, she sat up and began to unbutton the top buttons of her blouse. She smirked and then pulled out the necklace. She unclasped it from behind her neck and then held it out to Adam, “My aunt gave it to me. You might recognize the symbol, it’s the triquetra. It’s an old celtic symbol. When I first met my aunt, well, the only time I ever met my aunt she gave this to me. Mum didn’t like it much, but I adore it. I don’t know why, I think it’s because I feel safe with it on? Like she’s always watching over me?” She wondered if that made any sense to him, she couldn’t really explain why it meant so much to her. In fact, she couldn’t really explain why her aunt had given it to her in the first place. But it did, and she had and there was nothing Dixie could do to change that. Dixie nodded again, reached for her cup and took another sip of her tea. “Alright, next question. What’s your hearts desire? What do you want most out of this world but would never tell anyone?”

[Professor Adam Greene]

Adam was glad that Dixie seemed at least somewhat accepting to what he was saying. And then he even understood where she was coming from a bit more when she explained that she used to fall into the category of the very people they were talking about. At least she was able to see the difference though, and realize that someone couldn't help who they were or what type of family they came from and that it didn't matter what you thought of them, they would be who they were no matter what.

When she commented on his answer to her question, Adam thought she made some very truthful observations. "You know," he said as he pondered her comments, "I think you might be right. If I took myself back to that point in time, I probably would have done the same thing again regardless. It makes sense that we do what we think is best for the time being, since we have no clear indication of the future effects." He thought about the situation a little more, before listening to Dixie give her reply.

He watched her open the neck of her blouse and pull out a small chain with a charm. She explained that it was from her aunt and then told Adam what it meant to her. "That's neat," he said, taking the trinket in his hand and looking at the small triangular shaped charm. I wonder if your aunt knows how much you value it? Do you intend on ever seeing your aunt again?" After Adam asked the question, he was worried that maybe she had died. He would feel terrible if that were the case, but he hoped not.

Her next question was slightly easier than the first two. However, Adam found it tough to answer it in relation to both parts. He knew what his heart's desire was. Well, he actually could have named more than one, because he had so many aspirations that he wouldn't have minded sharing. But that was the problem, he couldn't think of any aspirations that he wouldn't be willing to tell anyone. 'Well," he said finally, realizing there was no way to give an answer that fit perfectly. "I have many desires. So many, that you would probably tire of listening to them. But there are none that I wouldn't want to tell to people. However, there is one that I haven't really shared with anyone, besides my sister. It's just something, kind of random and silly in a way, that I've always thought of since I was young, and I've just not told anyone besides Sierra because I didn't think they'd care. When I get out of Hogwarts, I'd love nothing more to get a job in the Ministry of Magic. And then, someday, I wish to be the Minister of Magic." He finished and looked at Dixie, figuring she thought it was the most stupid desire in the world. But he didn't care. It was what he had wished to do since he was young, and as far as he knew, nothing was going to change his mind.

"Alright, here's another easy one," he said, coming up with a simple question. "How many kids do you want,? That is, if you plan on having children." Adam knew he would surely have children of his own someday. He knew that he wanted so badly to do what he felt his parent's were unsuccessful at, raising kids in a home that showed them what life was all about. "By the way," he said with a smile, taking a sip of his tea that Dixie so kindly replenished, "thanks for the refill."

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

Her eyes never left Adam’s face as he looked at the necklace. He commented on it and then asked about her aunt. Dixie cast her eyes down to the necklace and then shrugged, “I don’t think she does, I haven’t spoken to her for years. She probably thinks I put it in some shoebox or something. As for seeing her ever again, well if she ever becomes part of our family again I might. But that isn’t looking too bright; she must have done something awfully terrible to get kicked out of the family.” Dixie shrugged again as if to emphasize her point. Sometimes she would lay awake at night, look at the necklace and wonder if her aunt even remembered giving it to her. When she thought about this, it made her intensely sad and she would forbid herself to think of it ever again. But, that never seemed to happen. It would always creep up on her this time or that and Dixie would find herself with a migraine and tears in her eyes. She had only met the woman for one day, and yet she felt they were closer than Dixie and her own mother. Was that sad or what?

He answered her question with a pretty good answer, and it was simple. It was an answer that Dixie would probably never be able to give to that question. He wanted to be Minster of Magic, and Dixie admired that. She smiled at Adam. “I don’t think it’s silly in the least bit. Actually, I think it’s a very good dream. At least you have a dream, which is more than most people, eh? It’s nice to know that this whole school isn’t going to the dogs.” She looked around the common room, it was so empty. That was odd; it was probably the oddest thing she’d ever seen. The common room was never empty like it was now; there was always someone in there. They were sleeping, eating, or doing homework; usually the first two. Dixie shrugged it off, and thanked the Lord. It would have been much harder if the common room was bustling with people, she enjoyed the solitude her and Adam had to get to know each other.

His next question was one that Dixie never thought she would have to answer. Her face paled slightly and she leaned her head against the back of the chair. She didn’t even here him thank her for the refill, at least not completely. After a moment of silence, Dixie lifted her head and answered, “I haven’t thought of that. All my life I’ve been told I don’t even make an adequate sister, why would I ever be a good mother? When I was younger I liked babies, I mean, they were the most adorable thing ever and I loved holding them. The only baby I hated was Mackenzie, and I didn’t even hate her really. But now that I think of it, kids aren’t something I could see in my life now. A few years from now, maybe. But the thought of them right now makes me so frightened. Maybe in a few years I’ll want some, maybe even four.” Dixie smirked, “But, eh… what a question.” She took a drink of her tea, seriously thinking about her life years from that moment. She wasn’t even sure she was going to get married, and that was kind of necessary to have kids. OK, maybe not necessary but it was the best way to go about it. To make sure someone else was there to help, surely.

Dixie thought about the question she was going to ask him. He asked her a question that she wouldn’t even comprehend being asked. She wondered if she could do the same to him. Probably not, he probably anticipated everything. Though, she was pretty curious. “My turn. Girlfriend. Do you have one? Or maybe someone you have waiting for you in the Muggle world?” The question was easy enough, and was asked out of pure curiosity. Honestly, Dixie couldn’t see a girl who wouldn’t date Adam. After all, he understood a lot more about things than most guys did. She got this from only talking to him for an hour or so, who wouldn’t want that?

[Professor Adam Greene]

Adam felt good when Dixie seemed to think his dream to be Minister was admirable. It wasn't that he sought after other's approval, but it just made him feel good to know that there were people who at least seemed to care the slightest about other's aspirations. After all, he figured there were plenty of people out there who had something or another against the Ministry. But that's one of the reasons he wanted so badly to be a part of it. He had so many ideas that he couldn't keep track of them all. There was still plenty of time before he would even need to start worrying about that though. He knew it would be a process of time; working his way into the system and climbing the ranks.

"Well I didn't mean right now," Adam said with a laugh. Then Dixie said she might have some in her future. She really was funny, whether she tried to be funny or not. Just her mannerisms and light spirit made Adam shake his head with a large grin. "I guess that's a fair answer. I should have probably worded it a bit better," he explained, "Indicating that these kids would be coming in the future as opposed to now."

Dixie's next question caught Adam off guard. It was short, and definitely to the point. "A girlfriend?" he asked, shocked. "Nope." He thought about it for a moment, but decided there wasn't much more to it than that. He didn't even have any complicated relationships to even try to explain. The truth was, there weren't many girls that took the time to get to know him. Ever since his first year at Hogwarts, most outside of Slytherin stayed away from him, and those in Slytherin found out quickly that he wasn't 'like the rest of them' and so he didn't socialize much with any females except his sister. "And as far as the muggle world goes," he added, "my contact with them is almost minimal, considering my background. He wondered the same question about Dixie, but decided against using it for his turn to ask her something. He already knew that there was something going on with Harrison, even if it wasn't much of what Dixie wanted, and he doubted that there was anybody else outside of that; at least not that he would have guessed.

Adam thought for a moment, wanting to be very clever with his next question. He wanted it to be something meaningful- something original. Finally, he thought of a good idea. "Alright," he said, with a hint of a mischievous grin on his face. "Yes or no?" It was simple, or at least from Dixie's point of view it should have been. But Adam knew what the answers really meant, whereas Dixie most likely had no clue.

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

“You don’t play this game well, do you?” Dixie laughed lightly, “Let me give you a hint as to how this works, I ask you a question and you give me a very detailed answer.” Her eyes brightened, “Very detailed,” she emphasized. “I’ll let this one slide, though, next time I won’t let you off as easily.” She grinned mischievously and reached for her tea, which had cooled down considerably. It was no good cold. Dixie took a drink nonetheless and grimaced. Disgusting. With a wave of her wand, Dixie’s tea was reheated and this time when she took a drink of it, it didn’t taste horrible. She settled back into her chair, holding the cup of tea with both hands as she waited for him to ask her the next question. As she waited for him to ask her whatever question he wished, she let her mind wander. Her question to Adam made her think about all her past relationships, which were… uhm.. . all of none. Well, there was that one Billy kid in first year, but he liked to punch holes in everything with a pencil. Dixie had nearly erased him from her mind. Harrison wasn’t really a relationship; he was more of a ‘get away from me.’

When he asked her the next question, she was kind of confused. She sat in silence for a moment and then nodded, “Yes.” That was an odd answer from her though, but she figured an odd question deserved an odd answer. Normally, Dixie would answer no. She was that pessimistic, and no would be the first thing that popped into her mind. Now, all of the sudden it was yes instead? Dixie narrowed her eyebrows in thought and shook her head before turning her gaze on Adam, “Are you going to tell me what I just answered? Or will I be completely ignorant forever?” What if she had just agreed to selling her soul? Hah. Right. Dixie, for some reason, doubted Adam would do that in the first place. Who would do that? Still, she wanted to know what she just answered.

[Professor Adam Greene]

What more of an answer did she want? Adam thought. He knew she was just joking, but he wondered if she was hoping that he would have had more to tell; stories of numerous relationships of his past. He laughed a bit to himself at the thought. He was just plain old Adam, nothing very interesting as far as relationships were concerned to him. Knowing that Dixie was probably joking, he decided he didn't need to bother explaining his pathetic answer. His words had said enough for Dixie to figure the rest out on her own, not that he left anything to be discovered anyways.

When Dixie answered 'yes' Adam smiled. He had hoped she would say yes. As he expected as well, she wanted right away to know what she was answering for, even before being willing to give him another question in return. He was glad for this though, because he didn't feel like thinking over another answer. He rather wanted to tell Dixie what she had just brought upon herself with the little three letter word. Just the one extra letter meant that he would be requesting so much more from her. What she did with his request though was entirely up to her. He wasn't going to force anything on her- it just wasn't his way of doing things.

"You my friend," he began, acting like one of those people who try to drag out something suspenseful like when people are waiting to hear some important news or something. "You have just accepted a challenge with your answer." Adam felt like there should be some balloons or confetti falling from the ceiling, but that was just his own random imagination. Since it was just he and Dixie there, staring at him and waiting for more of an explanation, he went on. "Now, whether or not you follow through with this," he explained, before getting to his challenge for Dixie, "that is entirely up to you. I am just going to tell you my challenge for you, and then you can work on doing it if you'd like. I won't even bother to get an update. You can just do with it what you please. And so, my challenge is this: I want you to think of one fear that you have- any fear. Then, I want you to do whatever it takes to confront that fear. Whatever it may be, I challenge you to face the fear and then see where it leads you." Adam finished and then looked back at Dixie with an expressionless face. He had hoped she would take him seriously; not in the aspect of actually following through, but just that she would sincerely think about what he had said. Adam had a feeling Dixie was a lot stronger than she realized. He just thought she needed some motivation to see past the things that she allowed to hold her back.

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

Dixie raised an eyebrow as Adam seemed to drag out the answer to her question about his question. Of course maybe it was good for her to have to be put through some suspense, that way she wouldn’t get too accustomed to being spoiled. She’s already gotten too accustomed to it, there is no changing that. But still, Dixie thought maybe it wasn’t all that bad. Oh, what was she thinking?! She wanted to know and him to drag it out like he was, was driving Dixie insane. When he said she had just accepted a challenge with her answer, her eyebrow rose even more and she asked, “What now?” What was he talking about? If she had known it was a challenge she wouldn’t have answered a yes, but maybe that’s something Adam had anticipated before asking her, so he decided to not tell her the options. Oh, he was a clever one. Dixie continued to listen, though her eyes were narrowed with suspicion. When he said she didn’t have to follow through with it, she shook her head. She wouldn’t back out of a challenge, it all depended on what it was and then she would decide whether or not to give an adequate try at it.

Any fear? Dixie listened intently as he went on to explain it, she drank some more of her tea and then thought a moment when he finished talking. After about five minutes or so, Dixie set her cup down and waved her wand, which never ever left her hand. A piece of parchment and a pencil appeared on the table beside her cup, “I don’t know all my fears. Hell, I don’t even know if I can confront them. But I’ll try, if you’ll help. I mean, there are only so many fears that can be confronted by one person. Some might need two to get a positive effect.” She was talking while she was writing, her eyes completely on her paper. Her handwriting swirled as she made a list, Death, insanity, stupidity, commitment, failure. Dixie sighed, that was all she could think of. It was going to be hard to think of ways to confront those fears. Facing Adam, she handed him the slip of paper. “The first I don’t think is possible, the second…well, been there, done that, the third isn’t something I can help. The fourth one….” She trailed of, “The fifth one I guess can be dealt with.”

“Alright, this is your huge challenge, Adam. You get to help me figure out what to do.”

[Professor Adam Greene]

Adam watched as Dixie seemed readily cooperative when it came to approaching his challenge. Without a word of resistance, she immediately began writing something onto a piece of parchment that she conjured with her wand. She mentioned that she would be willing to confront whatever fears, as long as he was willing to help. Before long, she handed him a list and then began going through each point that she had written down.

After listening to her explain each fear and the likelihood of addressing it, Adam thought for a moment and then gave his input on the list. "Death, well, everyone's going to face that eventually so you might as well either accept it or live in fear- nothing I can do there. As for insanity, I think I'll leave that one alone as well. I mean, who's to be the judge when it comes to that. Everyone is insane in their own ways if you ask me. Stupidity," he paused for a moment with this one, a bit confused. "Well, I really don't see the need for you to fear that, so I'll skip that one as well." Adam saw that he had eliminated over half of the list, leaving only two for him to chose from. Thinking that both were plausible fears, he pondered his choice for a moment before deciding.

"Well, seeing that the fear of failure is probably my biggest fear, I think I'll leave that one go as well. I don't know how much help I would be except for someone to share the fear with," he smiled and then pondered the fear of Dixie's that he had left. "Commitment," he said aloud, pondering what Dixie had meant exactly when she had written this down. To Adam, commitment meant agreeing to something or starting something and then following through with it. Right now, his only commitment was school, and he wasn't too afraid of it at the moment. But then he thought about it, and realized that Dixie probably meant something along the lines of making commitments, like in the future. In that light, Adam realized how she might be afraid. When he thought about the commitments he would have to make in the future, he was a bit taken back himself. He would have to be choosing a career, a wife, and not to mention all the commitments that came with a family. Realizing his thoughts were getting away from him, Adam brought himself back to Dixie and their conversation.

"So what kind of commitment are you necessarily afraid of?" he asked, hoping to see if he was on the right track at all. For all he knew, Dixie might have had a totally different scope on the whole area of commitments in mind when she listed it as her fear. To be able to help her out, Adam knew he would first need some more information, provided she was willing to share it.

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

Her eyes watched him as he went through her list and then gave his thought on each fear. It was his fault she had to deal with this stupid challenge, though, deep down she knew she would benefit from it. He cancelled out all of her fears, giving a reasonable excuse for each, and then chose commitment to face. Dixie looked down at her hands as they wrung themselves over and over again. He asked her what kind of commitment she was afraid of, and her head snapped up. What kind of commitment was she afraid of? Her eyes danced a bit, reflecting the fire. Then she nodded, as if making up her mind about something. “That fear, is the reason I did not want to marry Harrison. Does that answer your question? I’m afraid of being with anyone. I think I’m too afraid because my parents made a commitment and they never… were happy.”

She looked down at her hands again and sighed, before smiling softly; “Now, tell me. How am I to overcome this fear? It’s not completely ludicrous. I have a reason to be afraid. No one wants to get hurt and no one likes pain, and that’s all my mum went through when she was married or with my father. Mack doesn’t seem as repressed about this as I am, so I wonder if it just has to deal with my insanity – or if it’s because I remember when they were happy and I watched them fall a part because of things my father did. I guess I wonder if all men are that way… because if they are, I would rather be alone for the rest of my life.” Dixie paused her talking and looked up at Adam, “If you can help me get over this, I’ll write a book about it and credit you.” She laughed lightly, wondering if she could ever do such a thing.

[Professor Adam Greene]

Adam listened as Dixie presented her reason for this fear. Then, he pondered how he might answer her question. It was a tough situation. Adam realized that this fear truly did depend on each individual situation. There could be some who were totally fearful of the things happening that Dixie mentioned, just to come to realize that their situation didn't apply to that fear. Then there were others who might approach commitment with no fear, only to realize that they should have been more careful. It truly was a difficult subject to approach.

Sighing, Adam did his best to explain to Dixie how he felt about the whole idea. "Well, you present very true points," he began. "Judging from what you've said, I can't blame you for having the fear that you have. But at the same time, I think it's important to understand that those types of things happen in individual occurrences. You never can predict them. So yes, you might be rightfully afraid that by committing to someone you could end up hurt. But then again, you might be fearful for no reason, for what if the things you fear never manifest themselves?" Adam thought this made sense, yet he didn't know how to convince Dixie that she shouldn't be fearful. What if she should be fearful? For all he knew, maybe it was the best thing for her. He had no way of knowing if the things she described might be something she would have to deal with if she did make a commitment. "I guess my advice to you would be to keep that fear- at least until you feel comfortable giving it up. And you just need to remember that there could be a right time that you should be willing to give it up," he added. "It really depends on the choices you make and the paths that you choice, whether or not you should hold on to that fear."

"As far as all men being that way, I'd hope that isn't the case," Adam said with an innocent smile. "At least I hope that I don't fall under that category, and I'd like to think that there are plenty of other guys out there who don't as well." He was sure that this was the case, but he also knew how hard it was to prevent yourself from attributing negative characteristics onto all people that you didn't know- especially when the people you were around most showed those negative qualities. "But you can go ahead and write the book," he joked, "as long as I get half the profit... assuming it sells!"

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

She listened, although she looked like she was distracted. What if what he was saying was true? What if all she could do was just.... wait and see what would happen? No. Dixie didn't like that answer. It wasn't clear enough for her and now she felt even more afraid than before. On top of her fear of commitment now, she felt her fear of the unknown settle in nicely beside it. Dixie shut her eyes tight and shook her head, "I don't think the book with sell with that advice, but I guess that's all I can do. I was just hoping that there was a way to make things not so scary when it came to relationships or what not. I suppose it all boils down to the trust thing, doesn't it? I can't commit to someone or something unless I trust that it will be all right, or unless I trust the person enough...." Dixie sighed and tapped her fingers on the arm rest of the chair, her lips pursed together a bit. She knew she looked a lot like her mother, it was something she had picked up from her mum.

"Does this mean I pass this then? I defeat the challenge? Or are you going to do a follow up in ten years and see if I'm commited to someone? Because honestly, I think I'm just going to keep a log if you're going to do that, it would easier for you." Dixie smiled and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "As for all guys being the way my father was, I think that's the thing I'm most afraid of. It's just... scary. I think it's every girl's worst nightmare." Dixie shook her head and reached for her tea, then decided it against at the last minute.

[Professor Adam Greene]

Adam bit his lip when Dixie didn't seem pleased with his response. It was understandable though. He really didn't do much to help get rid of the fear. He only justified her feeling that way. "Well, you're right about the trust thing," he replied. "And as far as the fear goes, you don't necessarily have to be afraid. It's really a matter of caution. If you are smart, then there is no need to fear. However, there's not much you can do if you don't even trust your own judgment. But that shouldn't be too bad, right? I mean, you at least trust yourself don't you?" Adam hoped that at the least, Dixie was able to find comfort in herself. If that wasn't the case though, he wasn't quite sure what he could do to help her. Living in fear might be her only option if she wasn't even open to her own trust.

"There's no need for a log," Adam said, smiling. "I won't be checking back in ten years, unless you feel it to be necessary. I think that if you just work on the whole trust thing, you'll come to see that your fears will go away much faster than you'd have thought. I can't promise that exactly, but I would bet quite a bit on it, except I'm not a gambling man." Adam leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and looked down for a moment. It was getting late, and he thought he should probably get going soon.

With a slight yawn, he looked back up at Dixie. "Well Dixie, it's been great getting to know you finally. I guess I should apologize for not taking the time in the past six years. However, I should probably be going now. Thanks for the tea as well. I might have to stop you sometime for another cup. I'm sure we'll meet again?" he said, his last sentence came out more of a question than a statement. "By the way, don't be surprised if I ask you how the whole trust thing is coming along the next time I see you." He smiled as he waited for her to reply.

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

Did she trust herself? It was a question that most people could jump up and answer yes to, but Dixie just wasn’t able to do that. She wasn’t even positive she trusted herself to do the right thing, let alone trust herself to make any kind of decision at all. She stared at Adam after he had asked her that, wondering if she should tell him that the chances of her trusting herself were slimmer than her trusting a complete stranger. After all, she was what made her crazy in the first place. Dixie didn’t answer, but she looked away at her tea which was most likely freezing by now. A horrible taste took over her mouth and she looked away from the tea back to Adam. She watched him for a moment, wondering what it was about him that calmed her and didn’t make her want to throw things and run off. Was it because he was willing to get to know who she really was? Or… what? Dixie’s eyes brightened a moment and then dimmed again, life was too confusing.

“Trust doesn’t come as easily as the words flow from your mouth, Adam darling,” Dixie replied with heavy sarcasm lining her voice. She looked down at her hands for what seemed to be the billionth time that night, “I don’t even know if I can trust at all. Trust is like a happy ending in a fairy tale for me, only something I see or read about – never something I experience. I learned at a young age to deal with it, but I don’t know why it’s catching up and hurting me now.” She spoke in a small whisper, as if she were a little girl and after a moment of silence she looked back up. “I guess I’ll see, won’t I?” She smiled softly, yet it was an unsure smile. One that she would most likely wear for awhile.

Dixie’s smile remained as he yawned and said it was good to finally get to know her. The problem was, he only knew one side of her. The vulnerable side. Maybe the next time they meet, she wouldn’t be so talkative. She widened her smile though, because maybe she would be a bit more talkative and hopefully she would be able to give him a good report on her trust. “If you can find me, I’ll give you some tea and maybe I’ll have something to tell you.” She looked down at her hands and sighed, “It was nice talking with you,” she yawned as she said this and let her head fall onto the arm chair, her eyes closing; she was suddenly very tired. It was a good thing she didn’t have class in the morning…