Forgive & Forget & Forever ((Adam))

[Raelee Gray]

Rae,

I know, you probably don’t… This is so hard. Writing to you when I know you hate me. Writing to you when I know that you’d rather forget I ever existed. But I have to. I have to write to you. I have to let you know how life works and how it worked for me all those years. I have to at least get my story out there for you to understand and live by. I can’t let you just continue to be mad at me when you don’t understand, because you don’t. You don’t understand, Rae. You won’t unless you let me explain. Please, let me explain. Please.

Nette

The sun. It was bright. A bit too bright. Raelee Gray shielded her eyes from the bright sun as she stepped out of the castle and out into the open air. It was a nice day, even though inside the seventeen year old it felt dismal and grey. She was used to it by now. Feeling grey inside when it was really colourful and lovely outside. Rae was used to a lot of things. Like hiding her pain from others so she could help them with theirs. Like helping others get over a certain person when she was having her own trouble forgetting her own certain person. Like being a hypocrite. Rae was used to it. Rae was good at it. Rae was not good, however, at answering letters from her biological mother when they were begging her to reply. Rae was not used to it. Rae was not ready for it. She was not ready to forgive and forget and forever get over it. She just wasn’t. It was as easy as that. As easy and as simple as that could ever be. End of story. She wasn’t ready. Then again, there were a lot of things Rae wasn’t ready for. Like the sun. The sun and how bright it was. It was going to completely throw off her dark and depressed artist vibe. Well, that was the life of an artist. You lived each day by the day and dealt with the weather or the mood just to obtain that perfect drawing. Or, at least, Rae did. Rae was used to it. Rae was good at it. “It” being adjusting to the day.

Rae ran her fingers through her hair (which was straight today) and adjusted her backpack so it wasn’t pulling her left shoulder down. Down she went. Down, down, down to the tree by the path that led to the courtyard. Her feet carried her without her even realizing they were. She was too deep in thought about the letter she had received from Nette that morning to think about what her feet were doing or where they were taking her. Nette. Her mother. Her mother but not her mum. She wanted to explain. Well, fine. She could explain. Rae would get used to it. Then she would get good at it, get good at adjusting to the things Nette decided to tell her. Rae could get good at ignoring how selfish Nette was. Yes. Just another thing to add to Rae’s ‘get good at’ list. It should go right at the top. It wouldn’t. Rae didn’t hold Nette to that stature. She could wait beneath all the other things on that list. If she didn’t know how, she could get used to it. Just like Rae did whenever something in her life came at her unexpectedly. Rae sat down on the grass, pulled her backpack on to her lap and then pulled out her sketchbook and pens. This was what she did. She drew. She opened her sketchbook and looked at the most recent sketch. A dark angel. An angel of death. Maybe. An angel of conscience. Probably. A dark angel over all. Rae sighed and picked up her navy blue pen and began to outline the gown of the angel.

She hadn’t paid any attention to how long she had been drawing. In fact, she hadn’t really cared enough to pay attention, but when someone approached her and broke her concentration it was then she realized how long she had been concentrating. Her eyes were burning from how hard she had been focusing on the drawing. She looked up, shielding her eyes from the sun, to see Adam standing above her. A smile, for the first time that day, spread across her face; “Hey, take a seat.”

[Professor Adam Greene]

Stop thinking about her. Stop trying to stop thinking about her, because you are still thinking about her as you are trying to stop thinking about her. Just stop. Adam could think himself in circles if he tried hard enough. Actually, he often did it without trying at all. He had found it harder than he had thought to push Dixie and everything from his mind, but it had been a success overall. It was only in the times when he was completely thoughtless that she seemed to drift back into his swirling mind. However, he would do his best (which usually meant thinking so hard that he confused himself) to keep his mind elsewhere. He was moving on. Period. End of story.

In a rather cheerful mood compared to lately, Adam was eager to get outside and enjoy the sun. Warmth was good. Adam didn't like the cold too much, and so he never complained when winter seemed to fade completely for the year. Changing into some more comfortable clothes, Adam grabbed his Charms book and headed from the dungeons to the castle grounds. He figured he might try to get some of the required reading done for the class. It was hard to think, in a few months, he wouldn't have homework anymore. In fact, as he thought about it, he realized that he should probably get in touch with the Ministry Official who had been in contact with him regarding a job at the Ministry when he graduated. From what he heard last, he had the spot secured, but there were still a few last minute things he would need to do. Granted, all of it was dependent on him finishing with decent grades. Thus, he couldn't neglect his work no matter how nice the weather and how close graduation seemed to be looming.

Adam's eyes watered as he stepped into the bright sun, and he sneezed two times before even getting a few steps outside the castle. Allergies; that was the one thing he forgot that came with spring. Sniffling a bit, he headed toward the courtyard. As he was about to sit on one of the benches, Adam noticed a girl sitting under one of the trees across the courtyard. He thought it looked like Rae, and when he saw that she seemed to be drawing, he was certain it had to be her. Walking over to where she sat in the shade, Adam's presence didn't even phase her at first. He watched over her shoulder as she was deeply focused on the picture she was drawing. Adam took notice that it seemed rather dark and serious. When Rae finally noticed him and said hi, he replied back with a smile of his own. "Hey there. That's not a pretty little butterfly," he said with a grin as he took a seat beside her. He tossed the Charms book onto the grass. For some reason, he lost all motivation to read just in his short walk from the dungeons. It was OK though, since he had found Rae for company.

[Raelee Gray]

“Well spotted, Pretty Boy.” Rae replied with a grin as he took a seat beside her, casting off a book that he had been holding. She took one look at it and saw it was a charms book before shaking her head and returning to her drawing. “As much of a butterfly this girl might not be, she is pretty. Gorgeous even, in her own sick and demented way.” Rae chuckled lightly at how pathetic she sounded. She couldn’t bother to feel like she was too depressed to have a good day. Especially if she had company like Adam. The day had promise yet. “I think,” she said before turning the page of her sketchbook to a new page, “it’s time for a new subject.” She grinned over at her friend and then turned so she was lying on her stomach and her head resting on her right arm as she drew with her left hand. Her eyes looked up at Adam every now and then, but she wasn’t drawing him just yet. She was drawing the tree. As she drew, she thought over something to talk about. She wouldn’t bring up Dixie. She knew that wouldn’t help. But without Dixie, her and Adam really had no common factor. In fact, they hardly knew each other at all and that kind of scared Rae. She scrunched up her face in thought as she shifted her head so her chin was resting on her arm instead of her cheek, her green eyes looking up at him.

She toyed with the conversation topic in her mind before actually opening her mouth to talk about it. “Did I mention that I’m adopted?” The question would have been a world shattering one if she hadn’t said it with the nonchalance she did. Rae shrugged after a moment and then looked back at the drawing, continuing to twist the tree’s trunk in an odd way. “I found out awhile ago, but I never really accepted it. Especially since my birth mother decided to just come into my life really late.” Rae was probably rambling by now, but she felt like Adam deserved to get to know her. Most definitely because she had told him he needed to move on from Dixie and he could have just as easily told her she didn’t know what she was talking about. “She wrote me this morning, begging me to listen to her story. After she found me and contacted me about a year ago, I kind of pushed her away. I didn’t really want to know this woman, you know? It’s like, who wants to get to know someone who abandoned them when they were just a baby? When they were too innocent to have done something to deserve such a wickedness? So, I kind of just left for school without really caring to learn why she did it.” She hadn’t looked up all the while she was talking about it. Instead she continued to draw the tree, which was now growing into something pretty and happy with flowers on the branches. That was the theme of this drawing. It would start off dark, perhaps even a bit sad, and then toward the top it would be bright and happy. To represent a new tomorrow.

Rae sighed before she reached over and grabbed her pen case and pulled out a brown to colour in the tree. “I don’t,” she paused as she tried to think of a way to put this without sounding completely cold hearted, “I don’t think I want to find out why she did it.” She looked up at Adam, her pen poised and ready to colour. “Is that wrong?” It was then that the realization of him maybe not wanting to hear about her pathetic life problems that made her shut up. She dropped her gaze and started to colour in the twisted tree.

[Professor Adam Greene]

There she went again with the name. Adam simply rolled his eyes. I guess it's not too bad, he thought as Rae said that the picture was still pretty, even in its own dark way. Then, she decided to draw something else. Adam sat and watched her as she would look up past him and then back at her paper. It was neat to see her turn a bunch of random lines into something so realistic and with such personality behind it. She drew a tree, but it was much more than just a tree. Adam could almost see Rae putting herself into the picture, just like she did the day that they were painting in the Room of Requirement. Adam had concluded that it just must be a thing of artists, because he couldn't seem to get the same effect when he tried it himself.

In between one of her glances at the tree and back at her sketch book, Rae caught Adam off guard with a simple phrase of conversation. He opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it again as he thought. How do you respond to something like that? He didn't; at least not at first. Instead, he waited a few second, and then Rae elaborated on the topic. Although she looked calm and somewhat neutral to it all, Adam could almost see the sadness coming from Rae. And then, he even wondered if her art was just a way for her to put all the sadness she was experiencing somewhere else. In all that had happened in the past few weeks, Adam realized he never even took the chance to really get to know Rae. Or at least, he figured she had been too busy helping him cope with everything to take the chance to let herself shine through.

When she had finished telling Adam more of the story and then asked if he thought her to be wrong in not wanting to find out the reason her biological mother had abandoned her, Adam finally did manage to speak. "I'm sorry, Rae," he said at first, wanting to at least show some sympathy. "It must be hard, knowing that at one point your mother made the choice to let others raise you. I can imagine, and probably not very good though, that it must feel terrible for you." He stopped for a moment, hoping that she knew he really did feel bad though. He knew it was hard to show empathy in a case like this when it was something you hadn't experienced- but he tried. "I think you should give her a chance though." Adam let the words leave his lips and sink in a moment before going on. "I don't know if you know about my parents, they are biological, but to put it plainly, they suck at being parents," he gave her a sympathetic grin. "But anyways, ever since the accident, I have only heard from them once. I haven't even seen them in person. When Sierra finally worked up the nerve to owl them that I was OK, they sent me just a short note telling me that I needed to be more careful. It was probably the most fake note I have ever read. But anyways, that's not the point. The point is, if your mother is taking the time and energy to owl you now, she must care for you. I know it's hard to forget what she did in the past, but it's the present that we have to live in. I mean, gosh, I would give anything for my parents to just up and change and send me a letter that showed that they really cared. You may have a lot of overcoming to do between you and your mom, Rae, but don't you think it's worth it? I mean, don't you want what you probably have always wanted, even if it does take a little bit of work?" Adam tried his best to help Rae see the positive things in the situation. He knew that it wasn't easy, what he was explaining to her. But she would know that too. She helped him get over Dixie though, and so he hoped that she would accept his help in return.

[Raelee Gray]

As Adam responded to her question, Rae continued to colour in the tree. Once she had finished the whole tree part, she picked up a pink to draw the flowers on the branches. She pressed down on the course paper and drew little circle type clusters along the branches. The pink brought life to the drawing, even if it wasn’t a lot of it. She switched the pink pen for a green, and started to draw leaves off the branches as well. Adam was still talking, and when he was finished, Rae didn’t look up nor did she say anything. He was right, of course. If Nette was putting out such an effort to try and get Rae to understand her story, then Rae at least owed her that. Did she really, though? Did she really owe Nette anything? She sighed as the thoughts rolled around in her mind, and her hand continued to draw the leaves on the tree. Then there was the whole ‘she abandoned her’ issue. Rae didn’t have abandonment issues, no, actually she could care less that her mother had given her up for adoption. Rae had ‘people who come back after so many years of being gone’ issues. Well, actually then, she had issues with people who disappeared and then came back hoping to return to the way things were or make things better. It was just one more thing she’d have to get used to and get good at. Rae tucked her hair behind her ear as she set the green pen down and reached for her black one to begin drawing Adam.

“I guess…” Rae said finally, as she began to draw him, “I never really knew her before, though, you know? It’s like… if I get to know her, I’ll find out things about myself. There are things that I’ll like to say I got from my mum, like my ability to draw or my love of art; and I don’t want to find out that she’s this amazing artist and I get the talent from her. I already know that we share the same taste in music, and… I don’t think I can take finding out that I got a lot more things from her than I have from my mum.” She had looked up now, so she could get a picture of him in her mind enough to draw the basics. She didn’t look down, though, when she had gotten that picture. Instead she shrugged and continued to talk; “The way you put it, with the analogy to your parents, it makes me feel like I owe her a piece of my time. But…” Rae looked down at the drawing again and started to draw once more, “I don’t think I do. I don’t owe her anything. She owes me. She’s the one who gave me to complete strangers, made a deal not to contact me, and then she’s the one who showed up out of nowhere and asked me to get to know her. I don’t owe her anything.” She shook her head as she began adding detail to the figure of Adam. He would give anything for his parents to care… well, Rae would give anything for her mother to leave her alone. Her life had been fine before Nette appeared in it. It had been just dandy.

She continued to draw as there was silence between them once more; “You didn’t meet my parents, did you? We left the party before you had to give a formal introduction… well… my parents aren’t the best of parents, either. Always telling me what to do just so they look good, they never really cared. As long as I did what I was told while I was home, I was free to do whatever I pleased while I was here. I liked it that way, not having to worry about what they thought of me while I was at school, being me. Nette just stirred that all up. Now, suddenly my mum wants to know what I plan on doing with my life; and it isn’t that fake junk about how I’m horrible and need to do more with my life… she is actually concerned with how I’m going to lead my life after Hogwarts. She’s even offered to pay for tuition at an art school. I know this is simply because Nette appeared in my life and wants to really get to know me. Something my mum seemed to have neglected to do for the first sixteen years of my life.” Rae hadn’t looked up as she spoke about it all, but that familiar feeling whenever she talked about herself seemed to appear in her stomach. She hated talking about her problems with other people, even friends.

[Professor Adam Greene]

Adam watched as Rae put some finishing touches on the tree she was drawing as she then moved on to drawing a face. He looked up then and listened as she told about her mother. He could sense the pain in her voice. It was a pain he knew well. It was pain that held such disappointment. Every time he thought of his own parents, Adam felt that disappointment. He knew that with Rae, it was different in ways, but the core of it all was something he knew well. And with that, he knew that the thing Rae needed most was just a friend. At least that was what Adam always felt would make it better for him. He didn't need words of advice, just an ear and a shoulder to lean on.

"She can't change who you are Rae," he said thoughtfully as he watched her drawing again. He thought that she might be drawing him as she added some features to the face. "I know that what you must be thinking and having to process isn't easy Rae. I understand what it means to be disappointed. And I also know that I probably can't comprehend what you are feeling exactly. But, I do know that as an outsider, it seems like Nette is at least trying. You have the control now, Rae." Adam sat up and slid over beside Rae. He leaned his back against the tree and pulled her head to his chest. "Come here. I know it's not easy, but you can always know that I'll be here to listen. I'm not going to judge you on the decisions you make concerning your mother. What's right and what's wrong, it doesn't matter. You just need someone who's on your side in all of this, and I'll be that person for you. Whatever you do, I'm always going to be right here." He smiled, even though she couldn't see it. Adam wondered if Rae knew how much she had helped him and also if he would be able to help her in return.

[Raelee Gray]

Rae continued to draw, switching pens between two fingers as she switched what she was drawing. Adam was talking now and she felt her stomach churn. He was right, of course. Nette couldn’t change who Rae was, but… it’s… not that easy? Was it? Rae chewed on her fingernails as she stopped drawing, and looked up at Adam. Control. Control? Rae had control? She shook her head disbelieving as she sat up and put her hands in her lap, staring at them. How was she in control? How could she deal with control? Rae had usually just gone with the flow. She didn’t do control. She didn’t know how. She let out a sigh as tears flew to her eyes. Why couldn’t life just be? Why did it have to hold so much drama? Why couldn’t it just be easy to live? Day in, day out, smiles and laughter? Rae dropped her pens and covered her face as Adam pulled her to him. Her shoulders shook with the emotions she was holding in. As he spoke, Rae felt the tears fall and she let out a small gasp of a sob. She wasn’t supposed to be this way. Rae took whatever was thrown her way and she got used to it. She got good and getting used to it.

But right then, it didn’t seem to matter. It didn’t seem to matter that Rae was supposed to deal with everything that she was given. It just didn’t. What mattered was that Adam was willing to be there for her when she hadn’t asked him to. What mattered was that he was right and that she should let Nette try and explain something. What mattered was that maybe, just maybe, this wasn’t the end of the world for her. Maybe she could deal with it later on, but that maybe right now she would need to get used to the idea that she was adopted and that Nette wanted to get to know her. But who was she? Rae was still crying, though not sobbing, as she leaned against Adam with her hands covering her face. There was silence between them, and then after a moment or so; Rae stopped crying. She wiped her tears away and let out a sigh. She didn’t move, though, from where she sat with her head on Adam’s chest.

“I hate this,” she said quietly as she kicked the sketch she was drawing away from her, “I hate how I’m acting, I hate how it’s affecting my art, I hate it all.” Did she mean it? She wasn’t sure.

[Professor Adam Greene]

Adam could feel Rae crying. She shook slightly in his arms, and he felt her tears soak through his shirt. She wasn't crying hysterically, but Adam knew that it wasn't one's exterior that could really show the pain that was inside. It wasn't something he had much experience with until lately, but Adam could no less sense the pain from Rae. He just kept his arms around her, hugging her tightly. If he hadn't felt so emotionally numb, he'd figured he might be crying himself. Before, he'd have thought it weak to cry, but now he knew better. He knew that nothing really mattered when it came to dealing with pain. And, he also learned that the thing that mattered most was not going through it alone. Rae had taught him that.

"It's ok to just hate it all sometimes. It's only human, you know. Just try to focus on the positive things though." Adam thought about what he was saying. "Even though I know that sometimes it doesn't seem like there are positive things, but they're there. You just gotta look a little bit harder sometimes. You know how, whenever everything seems to be good, something bad always tends to creep in? Well, in the same way; when everything seems bad, there's bound to be that one good thing that you can count on being there." He wondered if there was really even any truth to what he had just told Rae. Deep down, it felt right, and that was enough for him to hold on to.

"Rae," he said after they had sat in a few more moments of silence. "Do you ever wonder where we might be if the... if the accident hadn't happened. I mean, it really wasn't something I would ever want to go through again, but at the same time, it's what led us to be friends... and what eventually led to Dixie leaving," he trailed off. "But I just always thought that everything happened for a reason. So I guess I just wonder what that reason was," he added.

[Raelee Gray]

“Positive things,” Rae spit out as she wiped harshly at her eyes and ran her fingers through her hair without really making any effort to make it look any better. Too many bad things clouded her life for her to believe that there was enough good in it to balance it out, or do whatever it was that Adam was talking about. There was no real good. All “good” things came with a price. How could anything good be free? Especially if it was worth getting? Now, Rae was just confusing herself. She shook her head in an ill attempt in showing that, yes, she understood what Adam was saying but didn’t necessarily believe him completely. Which was fine by Rae, because she didn’t normally believe anyone completely. Most people had ulterior motives, and most of the time they showed them when they were right at the edge of getting what they wanted. This was why Rae remained skeptical toward everyone, even her friends. Perhaps this was also why she hardly had any good friends. “I’ll make sure to keep an eye for another positive thing, then,” she told him with a small shrug, “because if having you as a friend turns out to be a negative, I’m pretty much in a mess.”

The silence danced around them. It taunted Rae with laughter at how pathetic she was being. It tossed insults at her because of it. This was why she was grateful when Adam broke the silence. She listened, her eyes fixated on the drawings she had kicked to the side. His question only made her want to return to the silence that taunted and insulted. Rae knew the answer to this question. She had answered it over and over in her head time and time again. It was not a pleasant answer. “We wouldn’t be here,” she told him in a cold and dead tone. She had thought about it so often, it wasn’t harmful to talk about it. In fact, it felt rather stale on her lips. “I would have made a horrible impression on you, while drunk, and you would have left with Dix… been happily ever after, and I would be stuck at home dealing with Nette on my own.” Now, Rae looked at him with a tilt of her head before continuing; “If the accident wouldn’t have happened, you wouldn’t have needed comforting because Dixie wouldn’t have left and then I wouldn’t have ever been able to redeem myself from the horrible drunk seventeen year old I appeared to be the night of the party and we wouldn’t be here.”

She watched his eyes a moment, and then looked at the drawings again before stating in the same dull and tired tone; “And that, m’dear Adam, would suck.”

[Professor Adam Greene]

Adam didn't need Rae to say any more. He could tell by the way she replied that she really wasn't buying his advice. Could he blame her though? When he had woken from the coma, Adam knew that positive things were far from his mind even if they did exist. Realizing the fruitlessness of his words, he rolled his eyes at his own stupidity. "Well, I'm glad that you at least view the result our friendship as one positive thing," he said quietly as he pondered if Rae was maybe the only positive thing that he had in his life at the time too. When he thought about it, he realized she may well have been.

As Rae answered his next question, Adam wondered if she thought he was crazy. Much of what he was saying or asking was either obvious or just totally irrelevant. Rae was probably wondering why he was asking such stupid questions. He listened to her give the answer he had expected, and then realized he had only asked her just to further his belief that they really were on the same page. Whether they liked it or not, Adam had a feeling that he and Rae had been all each other had for the past few weeks.

"You're right," he muttered, "and I'm sorry I'm asking such pathetic and obvious questions. "It's just that..." his voice trailed off. Could Adam really even explain what it was that he was feeling? He wondered if Rae would even understand, and he wondered if what he was feeling was even real or just the result of everything that had happened. "... I don't even know," he finished." Adam leaned his head back against the tree and let out a long sigh. Tilting his head back down, he looked at Rae. "I guess I just wondered if everything happened, and despite how much it sucked, happened because of us... I mean, so that this could be possible. Because frankly, Rae, I've come to really value you being here, and it's something that I wouldn't've wanted to miss." He became silent after blurting out what was dancing through his mind the whole time, wondering what Rae's reaction would be.

[Raelee Gray]

“How could I not?” She asked him in a quiet tone of voice that matched his. The thought of Adam being anything but positive was one that Rae couldn’t comprehend. Adam had brought nothing but support, even if he didn’t realize it, to her life. She smiled whenever she saw him, because she knew he was there for her and she knew that he knew that she was there for him. It was a nice feeling, to be supported, but it wasn’t one that Rae wanted to let herself revel in for too long. She couldn’t help it, though. Adam was making it easier and easier to just get lost in the laughs and craziness of the lives that they both had started to live. Rae admired Adam, and although he might see her admiration as something completely idiotic because he didn’t see himself as strong, Rae did. He had taken what happened with Dixie and had… gotten over it. Or at least, she hoped he had gotten over it. She chewed on her lip as she looked at the drawings. Something inside her wanted her to burn them, and then there was something else telling her to just finish them and see where they took her. So, with that thought, Rae reached over and grabbed her drawings again.

She didn’t move to continue drawing, because she didn’t have it in her at the moment. Instead, she listened to Adam talk again. She looked over at him as he spoke. “They aren’t pathetic questions, Adam, a little obvious yeah. But sometimes we just need reassurance in what we think is the answer really is.” Rae raised an eyebrow before looking at her drawing again as he started to speak. She smiled, “Well, that’s no good. If you don’t know, how am I supposed to know?” The cocky smile remained on her lips as she picked up a pen and started to draw again. Her right hand now, instead of her left so she wouldn’t hit Adam, was finishing the drawing off like Rae wouldn’t have been able to if that voice inside her hadn’t told her to. When Adam finished speaking, Rae had to go over what he had said in her own mind, and when she did, she stopped drawing and looked up at him with a raise of her brows.

“You believe in fate, Adam? That everything happens for a reason?” She looked at him a moment more and then looked down at her hands with her chipping blue nail polish and her red pen. “I do,” Rae shrugged and looked over at him again, “I’ll even go as far as to say that us meeting over Dixie and her leaving was part of a huge master plan, but the thing I disagree with is that the fates have our whole destiny lined out. I think they take us to a certain point, drop us off, and say ‘It’s all you now!’ and disappear without another word.” She twirled her pen in between her fingers before continuing, “So, I guess it’s up to us. We’ve arrived at the drop off point and it all relies on us. The question that remains in my mind… is how strong are we? We’ve been through a lot together, even in the short amount of time we’ve known each other; so where does that leave us?” Rae smirked and continued to draw before shaking her head, “OK, so that’s two questions that remain in my mind.” There was a quick silence before Rae stopped drawing and looked at him again, “Adam,” she said with a slight pause, her hand shaking; “I think… I…” Rae looked up at him and then shook her head, “Nevermind,” she returned to her drawing.

[Professor Adam Greene]

Not pathetic? Well, maybe Rae would have thought different had she figured out the real reason Adam was asking such obvious question. Of course, how was she supposed to know that when Adam didn't even realize he was doing it. Or, at least he hadn't realized he was doing it until he caught himself thinking about it. Was he really that childish; asking obvious questions in hope that Rae would crack first, assuming that they were on the same page? It was obvious to Adam that the two of them had become rather close in such a short period of time, and, given the circumstances, the oddity of it all was a bit overwhelming. On top of all of that, Adam could barely sort his thoughts as he wondered if his feelings were just the result of the many bizarre factors that led to their situation or if, in fact, what he was feeling was really what he thought it was. Was he falling for Rae, or did it just feel that way, as he was so confused he could barely sort out a feeling from a thought and vice versa.

He opened his mouth to speak, really not even knowing what would come out, but shut it when Rae beat him to it. "Sure," he interjected quickly, and listened as she went on further about her belief in fate. Again, almost as though it had been conditioned lately to think without him even realizing it, Adam's mind started to sort through the philosophy that Rae had laid out. Could there even be a middle ground like she explained? he wondered. It almost seemed like one of those things that was all or nothing. Either they were in total control, able to make every choice, or they had no control at all, as fate made every choice for them. That idea didn't sound logical either. Adam decided he liked Rae's version better. Then again, maybe it was simply because he hated the idea that he didn't have any control, but at the same time was scared to death to think that he might hold all of the keys to his life. That would mean that any mistakes would be his fault, and not something he could blame on fate, or just life in general. Realizing he had fallen into another mind trap, Adam snapped out with enough time to hear Rae speak his name again.

What. What did she think? A sense of paranoia began to settle in, and Adam wondered if she was about to crack. Or maybe, he quickly became logical, she was just going to say something totally off topic. Surely, Adam was only projecting his thoughts onto Rae's every word and action. She'd have said something by now if the feelings were mutual. They were friends, right? It would be easy to talk about, and she would naturally bring it up. Wrong. Adam knew that it was probably the most awkward thing he'd ever thought of confronting. And to make it worse, he only feared that it was not even real. It was something that would just wear off as time passed. The whole process was a splinter in his mind, digging deeper and deeper as it drove him mad.

"What are we doing!" he burst, finally. He wasn't shouting at her, but merely was energized by all of the confusion and adrenaline that had been pressuring him like the fizz of a carbonated beverage. His cap that had been fighting the pressure finally gave way, and the result was a series of thoughts sprayed into the open, no longer trapped in his chaotic mind. "You think what... that this is just all too perfect? Crazy? Not happening?" His voice was so frantic, but held a sense of compassion and desperation. "So what if fate did just bring us to this point and drop us off? We have to make a decision, right? Even if that decision is all part of fate's game in the end, we still have to play by the rules and decide." He stopped and starred into Rae's eyes for a brief second, realizing what was happening. His mouth hung open as the rest of his thoughts escaped in a wordless frenzy.

"I..uh, I'm sorry," he whispered, his lip trembling. Never in his life had Adam been so confused with everything around him. He just wanted it to make sense. He just wanted an answer. He was tired of everything being so riddled and uncertain. "I'm just afraid, Rae. What if I'd lose you too?" He asked the question, wondering the whole time if she'd even realized what he was trying to say in his hysterical outburst. What if she had no clue what any of his words meant? He wasn't sure he could deal with that; with her having no idea at all what was going through his mind. It wasn't the idea of her not feeling the same way that scared him, but more the fact that he'd have to go through it all alone if she couldn't understand. He was almost certain that she'd have to be feeling the same thing if there was even a chance that she'd understand. Please, he thought as he closed his eyes tightly. Please tell me you understand.

[Raelee Gray]

The feeling of being rooted in spot was one uncommon to Rae. She was always moving, always talking, always making her opinion known and her feelings heard of. She wasn’t one to sit down and shut up, because she always had input. It was just the way she worked. At the moment that she was with Adam, she couldn’t move from the spot beneath the tree. She couldn’t do anything and what was worse, she didn’t think she wanted to do anything. Not anything that required leaving Adam there. For awhile Rae had to convince herself that whatever she felt for Adam was not anything that she could be allowed to feel. She told herself over and over it was just because he missed Dixie and that somehow factored into her feeling something for him, and she also put in there that perhaps he didn’t feel anything remotely close to what she was feeling. She was feeling something, though, and it drove her crazy! One moment she would be fine in thinking she could just be friends with him, but the next moment her head would be spinning and she’d be upset and angry at Dixie for leaving him and leaving this space to be filled. Her anger, of course, fuelled her art. All that, plus Nette on top of it, made for some really interesting drawings.

Rae had returned to her drawing frantically, her emotions pouring from her fingers to her pen tip to the paper. It was an all too familiar event and Rae felt her heart slowing down as she did it. It was easy, simple, something that she could control. It was the one thing that she was able to lose herself, it always had been. Usually not even a banshee could tear her out of her drawings once she had dove into it so deeply, but Adam tore her away from it. She jumped as her red pen slashed across the page from her reflexes. She didn’t seem to notice, though, she looked at Adam as he went on. “No… no, I think… it’s not…” but she couldn’t even get the words out. How hard were they to form? Rae had never been put into a situation like this, where she felt like she was stuck between two places. On one side is Adam, who she had developed feelings for (there she admitted it) and then on the other side was Dixie, her best friend who she knew wouldn’t like it if she told Adam that she felt anything more than friendly feelings for him. Half the time Rae didn’t give a damn what Dixie would or would no like, but the other half the time Rae couldn’t… no… wouldn’t think of hurting Dix; even after all they had been through. She watched Adam, spouting words that were no doubt running themselves ragged in his mind before be exploded. And then she watched him realize what he was doing. “What if I'd lose you too?” Rae looked up at him sharply, and before she could even think of what she was doing. She kissed him. She didn’t think about it. It had just happened. It was something that had been beyond her control. Right? Well, it happened, regardless of whether or not it was beyond her control.

She broke away from the kiss and her eyes grew wide, she had… what had… what was… “Oh no,” she groaned, but again she felt rooted to the spot. She couldn’t get up, or she wouldn’t get up. Rae groaned again as she brought her knees up to her chest and buried her face in them, “What did I just do? How had I gone from… to… oh no…” She hadn’t even thought that perhaps Adam would laugh at her, heck she hadn’t thought at all. It was just impulse. A way to show him that he wouldn’t lose her. Now she was thinking that maybe she would lose him. The redness of her face could compare to that of a ripe tomato and she knew this, which was why she took two deep breaths before looking up at him, her cheek resting on her knees. “I didn’t mean to… it just… it happened. I’m… sorry…?” The word drifted into a question because she didn’t know if she should be. It was all too confusing for her and Rae hated confusion, but apparently that’s all she was getting for the next couple of years in her life. Confusion, anger, and tears. Rae groaned again and hid her face once more. “I’m such an idiot.” She had never beaten herself up over something embarrassing because she considered it something to learn off of. This, however, topped the top five most embarrassing moments of her life and she wasn’t going to learn from it… at least not now.

Then, completely off topic and out of nowhere, Rae looked up at Adam with a glare and pinched his arm, “You won’t lose me, and it hurts to hear that you think you might."

[Professor Adam Greene]

Adam wasn't sure if Rae's silence should be taken as a good thing or not. Finally, she uttered a few words among his hysterics, but they were short and lacked much sense. Was she as confused as he was? Was the look on her face enough to assure him that he wasn't alone in all of this? All of these thoughts only multiplied the pressure that was pulsing at his temples. This much stress could not be healthy, he thought. Where was the old Adam. The Adam that had a strong will and knew exactly what he wanted in life. Ironically, it was the only trait that he had held on to for so long that really defined him. Now, with it blown away in his recent whirlwind, Adam began to realize that he was being changed. Maybe it was love. Maybe it was something he had lost in the accident. Whatever it was, Adam knew that he had been much more decisive and determined before all of this. Was it a bad thing? He wasn't sure. All that he was sure about was that he was becoming more and more unsure as the time passed.

In an instant, Adam's lips were pressed against Rae's before he even realized what was happening. He was so shocked that his eyes were completely open, enough so that he saw Rae's looking back up at him with the same shock when she pulled away. It was a kiss that gave him a different feeling than any other had ever given him. Adam wasn't sure if that was good or bad though. Instantly, his head no longer was throbbing with pain, but a numbness overtook his entire body, and he almost felt in a sense of total tranquility. Rae's lips moved, but no sound came out. Instead, beyond the peace he momentarily enjoyed, his mind instantly started a battle within itself. Half of him felt that he had just allowed (since he definitely did nothing to stop her) Rae to make a huge mistake, and the other felt like he should kiss her back. Dixie. Rae. Dixie. Rae. Eventually, he realized that the two really were what this battle for his heart and mind were all about. As much as he'd thought he'd gotten over Dixie and denied that he was falling for Rae, reality caught up with him, and he found himself in the middle of the web; a victim of a power so strong that it could only be love. But the question was, who did he really love?

Rae's continued echoes of her confessed guilt and apologies finally brought Adam out of the spiral that had hypnotized him. With a face so full of confused emotion that it looked utterly blank, Adam whispered back to her. "No. Don't. It's not your fault." Still not quite sure what to say or do otherwise, Adam slowly blinked his eyes open and shut a few times, thinking hard as they closed and then starring confusedly at Rae when they were open. He knew that he had the feelings too, and that, if he kept allowing half of him to feel that way while the other half combated the feelings, it would only tear him up inside. He had to choose. But he didn't want to choose now. He had to choose. It was an impossible choice to make on such an impulse. He HAD to chose... NOW.

"It's OK, I promise," he said, allowing his head to drop and his cheek graze the side of Rae's as he kissed her back. This time, his eyes were closed, and he was aware of everything. Had he just dropped everything inside of him that screamed for Dixie? No. He knew it was still there. Buried, of course, but there. Rae was here now though, and Dixie was not. His feelings for Rae were real- he knew that. They were different that his feelings for Dixie, and he couldn't quite place how, but he just knew. Still, he needed Rae, and hoped that he needed him. For that, he knew he had to choose her, no matter how much it hurt for him to choose at all. He loved Rae, and she and he belonged together, at least for the time being.

As a gust of wind blew over them, sweeping some of Rae's hair across her face, Adam simply looked down at her and smiled. Would she realize it wasn't the same Adam that she had first met at the party? Was it outwardly obvious that he was no longer living a life of deliberation, but now living in each moment that surrounded him? Maybe. Maybe not. Right now, that didn't matter. Whether he liked it or not, Adam knew he needed to embrace his new self. Life was tough sometimes, and it would change you... if you let it. He would soon see if it was a good change or not, but he was done worrying about it all. He just wanted to live. And smile. And love. And that's what he would do.

[Raelee Gray]

“Not, not my fault?! Not my fault?!?!” Rae stuttered out in reply to his initial reaction. “Were you here? I didn’t just imagine that did I? I mean… you were here. You did feel my lips against yours, didn’t you? How is this not my fault?” She shook her head and hid her face in her hands as another groan escaped her lips. This was… this was bad. Wasn’t it? Why was it? What was so wrong with it? Oh, you mean besides the whole backstabbing your best friend in the back? Well, that shouldn’t matter. Dixie left. Dixie left Rae, and Dixie left Adam. It wasn’t wrong. This, her feelings for Adam, they weren’t wrong. Rae ran her fingers through her hair as she tried to disappear without having to move. With her fingers entangled in her hair, she squeezed her eyes shut trying to come up with a good reason why she had kissed him. What made her do something like that? It wasn’t… stupid, but it sure wasn’t smart, was it? She was worried that… it would be awkward and the silence between them actually confirmed that fear. She groaned again as she pulled her fingers through her hair, straightening out, before looking up at Adam. How was she supposed to feel? Was there a certain way she was supposed to feel during this whole thing? Should she feel guilty for doing it? Or… relieved that she had done it because then she wouldn’t feel the need to do anything impulsive for awhile? Neither. Rae should feel neither. She shouldn’t feel guilty for doing it, nor embarrassed, nor relieved. She should be able to say ‘I did it, you decide what to do with it.’ Was that a bad thing? Would you stop thinking yourself in circles inside circles?! Rae banished all questions from her mind, hoping that would help, but knowing it wouldn’t.

His next words stretched more questions into her mind, “It’s OK? How can it be oka-…?” She couldn’t even finish her sentence. Not that she wanted to. This time he was kissing her, and it didn’t seem to be impulsive, either. It didn’t seem to matter, though. Rae went numb as she kissed him back, like everything was still. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. Nothing at all. Rae looked up at Adam, “Okay.” She pushed her hair behind her ear and looked down at her hands before pulling her sketches toward her and surveying it. “It’s ruined,” she said softly as she traced the red line with her finger. She looked back up at Adam and shook her head, “Can we… do this? I mean, do you even want to? Like,” Rae looked down at her sketch again as more of a way to distract herself than to look at it, “what does this really all mean? Just to clear the confusion that’s muddled up inside my head, because I don’t want to think one thing and it be another thing. I’ve had that happen and it’s messy.” Rae smiled softly when she looked back up at him and shrugged. Then the questions began to engulf her again. The questions like What about Dixie? Is he real about all of this? How can someone go from loving one person to another in such a short time? And then Rae forced herself to STOP THINKING. JUST STOP.

“Hum,” she said as she looked at the drawing again, “I really didn’t see this happening.” She indicated the red line on the drawing with a small frown on her face.

[Professor Adam Greene]

As Rae pushed her hair from her face and pulled her sketch toward them, Adam took a look at it. Sure enough, what Rae had been sketching before was now covered by an unsightly red line. He bit his lip, about to apologize when Rae changed the subject. She was asking questions that Adam really didn't even know how to answer. In fact, he was doing his best to ignore them as they came into his own mind. "I.." his voice became trapped in his throat as he tried making sense of it all. Honest. Just be honest. "I really don't know," he said disappointedly as he shook his head.

He stopped silent for a minute or so as Rae continue to stare at her drawing. Adam knew that he had to tell her what he did know, even if he didn't really know why or how he knew what he did. "For me," he began, "it just feels right. You know? I'll admit that it's unlike me to act so much on my feelings, but it's all that I can fall back on in this moment. I feel like I want you Rae." Silence. "I feel like I need you." He let the truth escape his lips, hoping that it didn't change anything. What if she was actually thinking logically? Would she reason that this was all a mistake? They had taken the plunge, but maybe Rae was having doubts now.

When she said that she hadn't see it happening, he gave a knowing nod. "Me eith..." he began, but then stopped when he saw that she was referring to the drawing and not their current situation. "Oh," he said simply. He was quiet again as he let the breeze brush across his face. The temporary moment that he thought maybe everything would be normal again blew away with the wind as he wondered what Rae was even thinking.

"Look, maybe you're right. Maybe this is getting too messy. I'll admit that I was waiting for some indication from you that maybe we were on the same page. If you think that your kissing me was a mistake, then I'm sorry that I acted so quickly in return. I mean, I was just acting on my own thoughts and feelings that were building up, but if you didn't mean it, or if it was an accident, I guess we can just forget it all happened and move on if you think that's what's right for us." He spoke everything completely unsure of what Rae even wanted or meant. He just wanted to make sure that what she said about it turning into a mess didn't happen though. If there was that chance that they were on different pages, they needed to find out.

"I'm sorry to put you in such a terrible position Rae. Really though, just be honest with me. If this was all just a mistake, I can move on. I can deal like I have been for the past few weeks. But if this is what you want, then I am all for it. I've grown to a point where having you here is what gets me through each day. But still, don't let that make you make a decision that you don't really want." He stopped again, hoping that he hadn't turned this into something more than what it really was. Adam just wanted to be completely careful not to assume anything. "Just tell me what you want, Rae. Tell me how you really feel."

[Raelee Gray]

Rae's green eyes didn't abandon the questionable look even though they were on her sketch. It was proving to be a useful distraction. That is, until Adam spoke and she couldn't help but look up into his eyes. His words made her heart soar, but she didn't say anything. She just continued to stare at him in silence. Finally, after a thick pause, Rae looked down, "I need you, too. I want to need you, but I'm just..." Rae sighed and picked the nail polish off her fingers again, "scared of it all." Even with these words tumbling from her lips, Rae felt an uneasiness in her stomach. The world seemed to be plummeting and crumbling around her. She hated that feeling of not knowing what to do or how to word the thoughts that were flowing around inside her mind. Rae suspected that like most artists, she didn't think in words or phrases, but rather in symbols and colours. The colour of red, for instance, meant anger. If Rae had been angry, she'd be drowning in red. But Rae wasn't drowing in red, she was slowly being engulfed by a black sea. It was thrashing her back and forth over the rolling and rocking waves, but did Rae fight it? At first she did, because she knew what the colour meant, but now she allowed herself to be submerged in the darkness of the black. She knew what the colour meant. It meant the unkown.

Rae had been so focused on not letting the black see engulf her, that she didn't hear Adam much until he told her to tell him what she wanted and how she really felt, and by then the unknown had sunk into her enough for her to not feel like her world was disappearing again. She let out a slow breath, letting her emotions gather themselves before she even tried to get the words out. Finally, it was as if the only way she could get them out was to say them with every other emotion except love, "I don't want to be hurt! I don't want to feel second to her in your heart! I don't want to be something that you use to replace her!" Tears welled in her eyes again, but she shoved them back, as she let it out. She knew there was no need to explain who "her" was, "I want you. I want to be with you! But I can't help but wonder if you really do want me or if you just think you do..." This was how Rae was able to express her emotions without a pencil or pen in her hand. She built up all the feelings into anger because that was the one emotion she was capable of handling. Now, Rae was regretting the anger she was showing toward Adam. She let out a tiny sigh, "You're right, it feels right. It feels like it should happen. So, why am I questioning it? Who knows, but I know I hate questioning it because I've never wanted anything more in my life. So I should stop asking questions, I should stop second guessing and just go. That's what matters." Rae, wondering if she was rambling, shut herself up by placing her hand behind Adam's neck and pulling him down so their lips could meet for the third time in that... half hour? Rae hadn't been paying attention to the time.

She didn't pull away from the kiss immediately after, but when she did it wasn't too far away. Her eyes searched Adam's as she tried to calm her nerves. After silence that was finally, actually silencing her thoughts, she let her hand drop and grab his hand, "Adam, we've been through quite a lot together, and I've seen what has torn you inside out. I've known what has torn you inside out, personally, I've known. So, maybe it's only logical that I wonder if I'm just a replacement of that thing that made you so... unhappy." Rae was talking quietly, but she kept eye contact with Adam, "But if I am, don't tell me. Just, don't, okay?" She knew that in the end, if she was just a replacement for Dixie, she'd be the one hurt; but she didn't care what happened in the end. She just cared what happened now.

[Professor Adam Greene]

Scared. Now that was something Adam could comprehend. It was a feeling that he had come to know quite recently. After waking up from his coma and realizing he had lost his memories and then even with Dixie leaving, Adam had been more scared of things in his life than he ever remembered before. Granted, it was all starting to diminish, but he at least knew what Rae must be feeling. What he didn't know though was why she would be scared. He didn't have to ask though, as she explained it in her next sentence.

As he noticed a few tears forming in Rae's eyes, he starred into them as he pondered the idea of Dixie and if Rae was only second to her. It didn't feel that way to him. He loved Rae and he loved Dixie. Maybe they were different loves, but they couldn't be ranked. For Adam, it was as if part of him fell for Dixie, and then an entirely new side of him was the person sitting right there with Rae. Thus, it was a whole different side of him that was so emotionally caught up in that precise moment of time and even broader, the past few weeks he had spent with Rae. In his mind, it made perfect sense how he could feel so in love with and dependent of Rae while still having that buried part of him that constantly had to be fought against to stop Dixie from entering his thoughts. Before he could express his thoughts in words though, Rae's hand was around his neck, and he was pulled down to her as they kissed again.

It was just like magic how kissing Rae seemed to erase every ounce of confusion or frustration from Adam's mind. Like a gust of wind, a peaceful happiness brushed over his entire body and he felt such a sense of relief that he didn't want to stop. It was a moment of freedom from all that had been clouding his life since waking up from his coma. So, when Rae did pull away just slightly, Adam reluctantly opened his eyes and saw her face just inches from his. He felt her slip her hand into his and then speak some more. Her words brought the thoughts swarming back into his mind, and although he preferred the tranquility, he couldn't blame her. As she went on to say more about Dixie, Adam thought that maybe Rae was right. Maybe she was what had been filling the void in his life that Dixie had so unexpectedly created. But was that so bad? If she was his happiness and hope, why was that a bad thing. Adam didn't think of it as replacement, and as he opened his mouth to explain his reasoning, Rae finished her sentence.

For a second, Adam's mouth stayed agape, but then he closed it quickly before rolling onto his back and resting his free hand behind his head. Looking up at the tree branches, he finally gathered his thoughts and spoke. "Our pasts are past," he said rather matter-of-factly. "If we sit here and think about what was, or what might be, then we are going to miss out on today, Rae. Today is a gift. They don't call it the present for nothing," he added with a grin. He sucked into his lungs a large amount of air and then exhaled with a sigh. Standing to his feet, Adam used his hand that was still interlocked with Rae's to pull her to her feet as well. Squeezing her hand three times gently in his, he looked at her with a smile. "I love you and I need you. Don't ask me how or why, because I just do. Nothing in my life has felt more sure than now." He gave her a wide-eyed look before finishing. "So what d'ya say? You and me. Will you seize the day with me, Raelee Gray?" Adam gave a half-smile and eagerly watched Rae's face, hoping desperately that they could keep the happiness that was being offered. He also hoped that he wasn't making the biggest mistake of his life, but it was a hope that he had pushed so deep into his thoughts that he didn't even realize it was there. He was living in the here and now, and the here and now, which so happened to be Rae, was what he allowed to take his mind.

[Raelee Gray]

Rae watched Adam, her eyes never leaving his face – even when he rolled onto his back. With her free hand, she twirled her drawing pen between her thumb and forefinger. Another means of distraction. There was silence between the two for a bit, the only sound came from the students who weren’t engulfed by love complications. The wind blew by again, bringing voices with it. Rae closed her eyes and let the wind brush her hair away from her face. The sun felt amazing on her face, it was the warmest kiss she’d ever experience- the sun’s kisses were always memorable. Even if they weren’t the literal meaning of “kisses,” they gave such comfort and such warmth that for years Rae would lie on the roof of her house and let the sun kiss her. She still did it from time to time, when she wanted solitude and to feel the luck of the suns rays dancing across her skin. The sun, although sometimes too bright, was a soothing source. Rae knew that sometimes too much sun was bad, but she couldn’t get enough of it. It was her source of hope. Kind of like, as long as the sun burned there could be a tomorrow. Tomorrow was always something that Rae looked forward to, because when your life is so full of despair, disappointment, and disregard – tomorrow is like magic. The promise of tomorrow wasn’t nearly as overwhelming as the promise of forever; and Rae loved that.

The suns kisses, although amazing as they were, paled in comparison to kissing Adam. Kissing Adam was like a sunrise, sunset, and a solar eclipse all in one minute. All of life’s most gorgeous things were packed into one minute of just pure heaven, of the most amazing part of love. The sun could rise, set, and be shadowed by the moon forever and Rae would only care about the kisses she shared with Adam. However, in order to enjoy the kisses it meant she had to learn to let her mind stop being cluttered by whatever it was cluttered by. It was hard to enjoy something so magnificent when you were constantly clouded with worries about what the kiss could lead to if it would lead to anything. Rae knew this, and yet she couldn’t quiet her thoughts to absolutely nothing. She knew it was because she had always prided herself on the ability to think logically about almost all things, but she also knew that sometimes being logical wasn’t the best choice. That doesn’t mean she is able to push away all “logical” thoughts, whether they are faulty logic or not, it just means that she knows she should cease all worrying thoughts. There is a difference between knowing she should do something and actually doing it, and Rae was no good at doing the latter. The former was easy. Just like she knew she should have told Adam how she felt earlier, but she never did because the “logical” side of her told her he was still really hung up on she-who-must-not-be-named. So much for logical.

The silence that had engulfed them for the past five minutes, possibly even ten, was broken by Adam. Rae focused her vision on him, because although she had been watching him – she hadn’t been looking at him. She tilted her head to the side as Adam spoke, letting his words sink into her mind. All the while, the sun kissed her face and warmed her soothingly so while Adam spoke, she felt calm and not something completely different. He finished and Rae felt a bright smile cross her face, “Does it come wrapped in shiny wrapping paper and a big blue bow? After all, what kind of present is it if it isn’t prettily wrapped?” Though the question was slightly off topic, she couldn’t help it. To Rae, her saying that just made the tension that might have been hanging in the air disappear. It was a joke, a smile, a small sliver of laughter. She allowed herself to be pulled up by Adam, holding her sketchbook to her chest tightly, her eyes locked onto Adam’s as he spoke again. The whole concept of being with Adam was mind boggling, but she couldn’t help but want it so badly. She took a deep breath and shoved all the “logical” thoughts from her mind, “On one condition, Adam.” She stared straight into his eyes, her gaze never wavering, “Never call me Raelee, ever again. It makes me feel like I’m five again.”

[Professor Adam Greene]

"It's a present so amazing that it can't be wrapped, he explained with a taunting smile as Rae gave him one last ultimatum. "Now that's a never that I think I can handle, Rae...lee" he winked, keeping her hand in his as he turned to head back to the castle.

His mind started to go again, as always, but this time it was not centered on the past. It was, however, focused on the future. Instead of worries and wondering though, Adam was doing a lot of hoping and dreaming. Soon he and Rae would be graduating; a lot sooner than either of them probably had realized. The thought of it led Adam to think of the ministry position he had applied for just weeks ago. Surely he would be getting notification in the mail whether he had received the permanent job or not. They had already accepted him for a temporary position, which was better than nothing. Still, he liked knowing that there would be stability in his future, even if he had been worrying less, he still thought of it.

"Can you believe it's almost over?" he asked out loud as he thought about what it would be like to graduate. "I mean, everything we have become accustomed to in the past seven years is about to end. It's kind of... well, a mix of lots of feelings," he admitted as they strolled up the path toward the courtyard entrance. "Have I told you that I plan to work for the ministry?" Adam wasn't sure how much of his future plans he had shared with Rae. In fact, he wasn't sure what he had shared with her besides the whole Dixie experience. It made him a bit curious and hopeful to be able to get to know Rae better on so many different levels. "Or even more, have you told me yet what you are doing after graduation?" Just before they entered the castle, Adam stopped walking and turned to face Rae for her answer. He was quite curious to know, hoping she hadn't already told him and that he had just forgotten.

((So my memory is terrible. I apologize if Adam and Rae have already talked about this, but I don't think they have... I can modify if they have though!!! ))