Post by Kellan Caoimhe H4 on Jun 12, 2011 18:30:36 GMT
He sat at a table in the corner of the Student Lounge in an attempt to isolate himself so that he could focus. He pulled an old book out of his school bag that he just checked out of the library and gingerly placed it on the table in front of him not really wanting to open it. Damn, he thought looking at it pitifully. It was only the first day of classes after Christmas holiday and they already had homework. But, he had to do it. He had to try. There was no way that he could go home this summer without good, well, better marks than what he had previously done in past years. He was halfway through his fourth Year now, and as the OWL's loomed closer, his father seemed to be even more relentlessly persistent at pointing out how Kellan would be nothing but a failure and how after he graduated Hogwarts he had to move out and could expect no help whatsoever from him. He was numb to his father's everything but kind words by now, and as cruel as he was, Kellan had to admit to himself that he did need to shape up.
He was getting older and now was the time for him to think about his future. He couldn't skive off homework, not pay attention in classes and all of his other usual junk. He needed to settle down and focus, figure out what career he wanted and start working toward it now so that one day he could get the hell away from that house and the evil man that lived inside of it. The thought made Kellan smile a bit. The glory of marching into that place, packing up his stuff and marching right back out and never looking back. It was his ultimate dream, but he couldn't get there if he didn't figure things out for himself. He leaned back in his chair and sighed. It was too much pressure. Or, it seemed like it rather. He had to admit to himself that he never really saw himself as a "successful" person, but then it was probably because he never tried. How could he when the man he called father tried his best to keep him as down as he possibly could? Kellan never dreamed about actually being something because he was always to busy dreaming about escape and freedom. So this would be the key to that then, he thought. I just have to figure out what I want to do and go for it. Make sure I excel at it. That's my key to freedom. But the thought left a sinking feeling in his chest. He never excelled at anything in his entire life except being an insufferable git to everyone, and that last thought made him sink even lower.
Ever since his grandmother let out his aunt's secret, Kellan reveled in everyones sadness because he finally felt like everyone was getting a taste of how miserable he was all the time. He even exacerbated some situations by pulling little tricks and pranks, telling "little white lies" about something he had "over-heard" or "seen" and by just being plain old mean Kellan. And all the while he still had to deal with that monster, which a lot of times fueled his anger and pushed him to make the destructive decisions that he made. However, the last time that he was "punished," which he still didn't know what for except his father's own enjoyment was before he came back to school. After it was over, Kellan just layed there in the middle of his bedroom floor staring at the wall. He wasn't sure what happened or why but he just simply thought, something has got to give. He was tired. Tired of feeling unhappy, tired of feeling hatred, tired of all the negativity period. In that moment he felt like he needed to do something and teetered back and forth that whole night on whether he should go to his mother and finally say something to her.
He had heard his uncle say so many times that one's reality was whatever they wanted or allowed it to be, which was the soul driving force behind his contemplation. He knew his father was downstairs smoking so he went to his parents room, knocked on the door and walked in. He had cleaned his face up, but of course his mother could still tell that he had been crying. She asked and asked but he just couldn't bring himself to tell her. He felt pitiful after, and was thankful that somehow he didn't face any consequences for what he attempted. But he still kept his uncle's words at the front of his mind, and decided to just be.....better. He decided to stop being so hateful and mad all the time and not treat his family so carelessly bad. But he couldn't help feeling like it was too little too late. His aunt and uncle had way too much going on to really acknowledge a change in him, his grandmother simply didn't care, he stayed away from his father, he never saw Dylan and Williard had finally broke, which Kellan never saw coming. After a particularly nasty lie that he told his Aunt a little while ago when he was angry at his father for embarrassing him at a family dinner, Williard snapped and actually punched Kellan in the face, who layed in the floor shocked. Since then, Williard took absolutely no crap from Kellan and the dynamic between them totally changed.
He was sorry though. He was sorry that he treated Will the way he did all that time simply because he could and needed an outlet for his own pinned up feelings. Will had tried to do nothing but be nice to him and try to keep things as civilized as possible but Kellan saw to the exact opposite. He had seen but not actually spoken to his cousin since that incident, and now that he felt the way that he felt, he wanted to make things better between the two of them but Williard wouldn't give him the time of day, and he could not blame him for that. However, Kellan knew he needed Williard. There was no way that he would be able to get better marks without his cousin. He supposed Will wasn't the only smart person at this school, but everyone else knew Kellan to be a not-so-pleasant person so getting help from someone else was out of the question. You can't just rely on Williard though, he thought. You have to put forth some effort. And with that, he opened the book.
He was getting older and now was the time for him to think about his future. He couldn't skive off homework, not pay attention in classes and all of his other usual junk. He needed to settle down and focus, figure out what career he wanted and start working toward it now so that one day he could get the hell away from that house and the evil man that lived inside of it. The thought made Kellan smile a bit. The glory of marching into that place, packing up his stuff and marching right back out and never looking back. It was his ultimate dream, but he couldn't get there if he didn't figure things out for himself. He leaned back in his chair and sighed. It was too much pressure. Or, it seemed like it rather. He had to admit to himself that he never really saw himself as a "successful" person, but then it was probably because he never tried. How could he when the man he called father tried his best to keep him as down as he possibly could? Kellan never dreamed about actually being something because he was always to busy dreaming about escape and freedom. So this would be the key to that then, he thought. I just have to figure out what I want to do and go for it. Make sure I excel at it. That's my key to freedom. But the thought left a sinking feeling in his chest. He never excelled at anything in his entire life except being an insufferable git to everyone, and that last thought made him sink even lower.
Ever since his grandmother let out his aunt's secret, Kellan reveled in everyones sadness because he finally felt like everyone was getting a taste of how miserable he was all the time. He even exacerbated some situations by pulling little tricks and pranks, telling "little white lies" about something he had "over-heard" or "seen" and by just being plain old mean Kellan. And all the while he still had to deal with that monster, which a lot of times fueled his anger and pushed him to make the destructive decisions that he made. However, the last time that he was "punished," which he still didn't know what for except his father's own enjoyment was before he came back to school. After it was over, Kellan just layed there in the middle of his bedroom floor staring at the wall. He wasn't sure what happened or why but he just simply thought, something has got to give. He was tired. Tired of feeling unhappy, tired of feeling hatred, tired of all the negativity period. In that moment he felt like he needed to do something and teetered back and forth that whole night on whether he should go to his mother and finally say something to her.
He had heard his uncle say so many times that one's reality was whatever they wanted or allowed it to be, which was the soul driving force behind his contemplation. He knew his father was downstairs smoking so he went to his parents room, knocked on the door and walked in. He had cleaned his face up, but of course his mother could still tell that he had been crying. She asked and asked but he just couldn't bring himself to tell her. He felt pitiful after, and was thankful that somehow he didn't face any consequences for what he attempted. But he still kept his uncle's words at the front of his mind, and decided to just be.....better. He decided to stop being so hateful and mad all the time and not treat his family so carelessly bad. But he couldn't help feeling like it was too little too late. His aunt and uncle had way too much going on to really acknowledge a change in him, his grandmother simply didn't care, he stayed away from his father, he never saw Dylan and Williard had finally broke, which Kellan never saw coming. After a particularly nasty lie that he told his Aunt a little while ago when he was angry at his father for embarrassing him at a family dinner, Williard snapped and actually punched Kellan in the face, who layed in the floor shocked. Since then, Williard took absolutely no crap from Kellan and the dynamic between them totally changed.
He was sorry though. He was sorry that he treated Will the way he did all that time simply because he could and needed an outlet for his own pinned up feelings. Will had tried to do nothing but be nice to him and try to keep things as civilized as possible but Kellan saw to the exact opposite. He had seen but not actually spoken to his cousin since that incident, and now that he felt the way that he felt, he wanted to make things better between the two of them but Williard wouldn't give him the time of day, and he could not blame him for that. However, Kellan knew he needed Williard. There was no way that he would be able to get better marks without his cousin. He supposed Will wasn't the only smart person at this school, but everyone else knew Kellan to be a not-so-pleasant person so getting help from someone else was out of the question. You can't just rely on Williard though, he thought. You have to put forth some effort. And with that, he opened the book.
