And You Give |[Merrick]|

[Finn Miles H7]

Finn pulled up hard on his broom handle, coming to a hovering stop about a foot above the muddy grass that was a beautiful green blanket just weeks before. That's what happened though when the rains came. Lush, thriving meadows turned to swamps of muddy messes. It really did put a damper on the castle's overall appearance.

"Good work today, team," Finn shouted across the pitch. A group of brown (they had been yellow until the mud took over) students drudged slowly toward the players' quarters, leaving Finn as the only person left on the pitch. Well, he'd thought he was the only one, until a sideways glance caught a glimpse of a taller, handsome figure standing in the shadows the edge of the pitch. Finn recognized Merrick almost immediately and walked that way.

The sloshing sound of water in his Quidditch boots made a pattern of squishes, and the mix of sweat and mud probably made Finn a sight for sore eyes. But really, who was he trying to impress? Oh, right. Merrick.

"Spying on us, eh?" Finn hardly cared if that was the case. He was confident in his squad of badgers. Plus, Merrick wasn't even on the Slytherin team, and Finn knew quite well that he probably cared less at that point whether Slytherin did well or not. Merrick wasn't exactly what you would call a team player. He was a good player, but his motives were all his own. It wasn't a secret that he was devastated to lose all abilities of playing Quidditch for a professional team after his accident with the Bludger.

Finn flashed a friendly half-smile before noticing the all too familiar glare that was so clearly one of Merrick's top three facial expressions. Sometimes Finn had the urge to just punch away the scorn, hopeful that a smile might replace it. That seemed doubtful.

Before Merrick even had a chance to reply, Finn found himself having a small case of verbal diarrhea. "Seriously? Are you really going to spend your whole life moping around like a flubberworm? I know it bloody sucks. I know that you were planning everything around the idea of playing professional. I know that you don't think that anything else matters. But why don't you open your f**k**g eyes! Why don't you look at what might be standing right in front of you!" By that time, Finn's hands were on either side of Merrick's head, his eyes locked onto the steely blue slits that hid below a furrowed brow.

"Damnit, Merrick. Why do you think I've stuck around for so long? Do you really think just anybody would put up with your pathetic woe-is-me attitude? No. They wouldn't. But I have. Because I care, god-damnit. I care about you, Merrick." Finn dropped his hands, pushing against Merrick's chest in an effort to release some of his frustration. He couldn't help but wear his emotions out in the open, vulnerable to what would probably be another inevitable rejection from Merrick. No matter how much Finn could chip away at that stone exterior, the wall always came down. And when it did, it came down hard. Finn wasn't sure how much more endurance he had in all of this.

"I think I love you, Merrick, but I'm getting too damn worn out to stick around and find out for sure."

[Merrick Marr]

It truly was a dismal day…the rain had come hard leaving the world in a daze of dark clouds and muddy water. Perhaps that’s what drew the young man from his chambers, pulling him onward until even he didn’t know where he was headed. Most days Merrick didn’t know where he was, let alone where he was going. Things were drawing to an end. He was finally going to be leaving Hogwarts and he had nothing to offer. There wasn’t anyone or anything that mattered anymore…well at least he kept telling himself that. Without Quidditch things weren’t nearly as important to him. Without the ability to bash a couple bludgers at unsuspecting Gryffindorks there was nothing really thrilling. There was no Quidditch…not for him anyway, and he’s days became a numbing reminder of the lack of quaffles and bludgers in his life. It was eat, class, eat, class, study, sleep, wake, eat, class, eat, class, study, sleep…..a never ending cycle of monotony and frankly Merrick was sick of it. He was tired of not being able to do what he wanted to do when he wanted to do it. He was tired of not being able to play Quidditch. He was tired of Finn never speaking up or giving him a sign…

Merrick shook his head, hands rubbing over the flesh of his face and eyes, back into his hair. He couldn’t think about Finn…not right now. There was already too much confusion going on in his life. The last thing he needed was to add in Finn. Finn complicated his life…in ways he didn’t need it complicated. Things were already difficult enough as it was without adding in the fact that Finn took up every spare thought Merrick had, which honestly was a lot more than most. Merrick was a thug…a Quidditch player who’d taken far too many knocks to the head…he wasn’t that smart of a bloke, so to say Finn took up the spare thoughts meant a great deal, since his mind was littered with spare thoughts. Sighing Merrick let his feet carry him away from the castle. The rain had stopped…for now. Merlin only knew when it would return, but Merrick didn’t mind, the rain had become his solace lately…a reminder of the depression he’d sunken into. There was no sun in his life…and as depressing as that was it was something Merrick was going to have to learn to deal with. Quidditch wasn’t everything…though he would love to argue against that point any day.

Perhaps it was because of the overcast cloudy sky that made Merrick’s feet take him to the Quidditch pitch. His mind not truly absorbing where he was until he was watching a familiar Hufflepuff, covered in mud no less, make his way toward Merrick. Green hued irises followed Finn’s every movement as he made his way toward him and a part of him was mildly aware of every inch of Finn’s exposed and covered frame. Far more aware than he should have been if he was disciplining his mind in the least. Something must have showed in Merrick’s demeanor, because Finn took no time at all in delving into the issue that Merrick had been trying to deal with. So it may have been a year since he’d been injured…a year since he had been told he’d never play Quidditch again, but that didn’t mean the pain of losing everything he’d come to love and admire was gone. If anything it was simply masked…hiding deep in his subconscious, ready to break free at the littlest reminder of how great he’d been. Standing there, in his blue jeans and black long-sleeved shirt, Merrick knew Finn could still see that pain…still knew it existed, fueling his words as he spoke.

That’s what brought on the glare…the familiar look of annoyance, though it was rarely meant toward Finn. The truth was that Finn had long ago slipped through his annoyance meter. He was something all together, something that Merrick still hadn’t come to fully understand or encourage. So when Finn continued talking, not even letting Merrick get a word in edgewise he was forced to keep the glare on his face, forced to keep from betraying his emotions even as Finn’s hands touched him…the touch sending electric shocks all the way down his body, making his toes itch with possibility, but he couldn’t let this happen. His father would not approve…his father never approved of anything besides Quidditch and now even that was lost to him.

Merrick didn’t speak…just let Finn talk, even as he pushed at his chest he didn’t move…didn’t speak. The rain did funny things to people…made them all act out of wack and maybe that’s what this was. Finn wasn’t making much sense…at least to the mask that Merrick currently wore. Another part of him was dying to be released…dying to be let free and do what he’d wanted to do since last summer at the Quidditch awards. As Finn fell silent, Merrick simply looked at him for a moment. Waiting as if to see if there was anything else that he was going to say and then the next thing Merrick knew was that a part of him had broken free. His hands found Finn’s face and he was pulling, while he was moving forward. Then he was kissing Finn…everything that’d been hiding within breaking free for that moment as he kissed him. There wasn’t anything that needed to be said, just for his lips to find Finn’s.

As his tongue slid over Finn’s the moment started to pass…the reality of the situation slamming back down on Merrick before his free will could throw the key away to the door that slammed shut on his inner self. He stumbled back, pushing away from Finn, part humiliation, part regret appearing on his face. It wasn’t regret at what he’d done…it was regret at not being able to allow himself the pleasure of kissing Finn again. This could not happen…could not be…his father would murder him before it could happen, Merrick was the last of his house…the last to carry on the Marr name…he had to marry and make a family. The pain of that revelation burned at him and he turned his head. “I can’t do this Finn…not today…not ever…” Merrick didn’t look back as he spoke, couldn’t see the look on Finn’s face…didn’t want to see it. Turning he started back toward the castle and the privacy of the dungeons.

((Really….we could end it there….a really short exchange, but Merrick has to fight his own demons…Finn can try to talk sense to him if you like just to keep it going or we can start a fresh post outside of Hogwarts.))