Try ((Col))

[Bradley Jameson]

Featuring Katie Fey.

"Bradley."

Usually, when Bradley looks up, his automatic response is a loud, irritated groan that morphs into him mouthing off everything he hates about Katie Fey. But today, as she walks towards him, a wariness guarded in her eyes, he feels himself tense for an entirely different reason. She isn't here to wrangle secrets from him; she isn't here to tease him about her superiority; she isn't even here to tell him how to live his life. She's just here, no smirk on her beautiful face, no intention to make snarky comments. Bradley knows, he can tell; he knows her, and she knows him.

"Walk with me?" Katie asks quietly when she finally reaches his figure, bent over a textbook in the Library. Bradley nods once, and proceeds to pack away his things. A few minutes later, they're walking side by side, just ambling aimlessly down the corridor towards the Ravenclaw Common Room. Eventually, Katie is the one to speak up, as Bradley knows she would in his solid silence. "How are you?" she asks, not looking at him, but he can sense the worry behind her tone, and straight away feels guilty.

"Fine," Bradley replies, equally subdued and keeping his stare on the path in front. "Better." Next to him, Katie is quiet in her contentment at his answer. Eventually Bradley begins to elaborate, knowing he cannot ignore this forever; he's done with being ignorant. After all, you can't run away from everything all the time, it isn't the answer; Katie is going to be his first stepping stone to improve himself. "I... About yesterday. I didn't mean to..." Bradley visibly cringes at the memory of him exploding at his cousin in the middle of a busy corridor after class, "be such a prat," he concludes with a thin smile.

Katie smirks for the first time. "I know," she says, accepting and forgiving where she wouldn't be with others. "So... you and Colin."

"Me and Colin," Bradley echoes in agreement, still gazing into the far-off distance. "...I don't know. We're okay. We're fine. Not good. But. Yeah." He isn't often ineloquent in speech, and it's frustrating for Bradley; first Colin, now Katie? Enough was enough, Bradley Jameson needed to get his act together. "I don't know what I'm doing, Katie," he eventually admits quietly. "I don't like it. But I'm trying. That's what matters, right? I'm trying."

Katie forces Bradley into a stop by halting and grabbing hold of his arm, pulling him towards her. She fixes her eyes on his and says, with genuine truth in her face, "Yes Bradley. That's all that matters." She gives him a gentle, supportive squeeze on the wrist, before drawing away. "Thanks for walking me back. I'm glad you're okay." With one last smile, she turns and walks into the Ravenclaw Common Room. Bradley watches the door shut on her and knows he will never be alone.

A few minutes later, Bradley's back in the Gryffindor Common Room and ascending the steps to the dormitory of the seventh-year boys. He doesn't expect to see only Colin there, sitting on his bed and looking rather lost, barely even noticing Bradley's entrance. The reflex reaction upon seeing Colin is both to recoil in fear and to reach out in desire, and it's so confusing for Bradley, but he tries to think rationally; he's never had a problem until Colin, after all. Swallowing hard, Bradley approaches Colin quietly, finally catching his attention as he sits down beside him.

"Hey," Bradley greets softly, careful not to lean too close, in fear he'll scare Colin away again. "Are you... okay?"

[Colin Morgensen G7]

Skipping class and hiding away (from life, from problems, from Bradley and Laura and everyone) would never be the best solution, and Colin had known that even when he had waved Santiago away, begging off being forced to go to whatever lesson it was that he was missing. Santiago hadn’t offered to make his excuses for him or agreed to let him scribble down a copy of his notes but Colin knew that his friend would do both of those things for him. There had been something unsettlingly knowing in the way that Santiago had lingered by the door and smiled. Colin’s skin rippled in fine, minute tremors at the memory. Other than Bradley, Santiago was probably his closest friend but there was just something unnerving about the way he saw things that he really shouldn’t. That was just because Colin never even saw the things he really ought to though. Santiago, Angel and Katie were perceptive. Bradley and Colin himself were oblivious. To most things, if not everything.

An hour had passed since then and Colin was no further along than he had been forty-five minutes earlier. Disgusted, Colin pushed the parchment away from him. Along with it fell the ink bottle and quill, with the glass container cracking enough to release a slow, steady stream of ink along the floor. Colin ignored it; there were more pressing matters to be dwelled upon and considered in too much detail until his brain felt like it had imploded. In the letter to his mother, Colin had gotten as far as the words ‘Dear Mum’ before drawing a blank. While they weren’t exceptionally close as mother and son since they hadn’t lived together for so long that Colin sometimes felt like he couldn’t even remember what she looked like, he had never before felt like there was something he couldn’t tell her. Even when he had been feuding with Bradley, he had appealed to his mother for ideas. Her advice had been to look for the good within Bradley Jameson, to which he had sent a mildly scathing reply along the lines of the Jameson family being comprised of tyrannical bullies. Taking Arthur Jameson into consideration, Colin still wasn’t entirely sure that he had been so far wrong.

Now, however, was a completely different issue. Bradley was still the problem, or at least part of it. That never changed. For the duration of their time at Hogwarts, Bradley had been the largest part of Colin’s world in various ways. So how was he supposed to inform his mother of these changes? Hey Mum, you remember Bradley? Yeah, my best friend, the one you said you wouldn’t have minded as a second son. Well, if the marriage were legal and we can last until we’re old enough to get married without any second thoughts, you might get to have him as a sort of son, Colin tried out mentally before shaking his head, a small grimace twisting his features. Maybe there really was just no good way of sharing the news. Then again, Uncle Richard was gay. Perhaps it would be easier to tell him first. There had certainly been enough awkward morning meetings with Uncle Richard’s various boyfriends back when Colin had been younger and Richard hadn’t looked quite so drained and elderly as he did now to eradicate the possibility of the older man acting like a hypocrite and behaving irrationally. “So, Uncle Richard,” Colin started conversationally, trying hard to ignore how much of a prat he felt to be essentially talking to thin air as if he expected a response, “it might not be entirely appropriate for me and Bradley to share a room this summer. Why? Well...”

Oh Merlin. The summer. Their summer. Colin paled rapidly, all colour leeched from his face at the horrifying thought of losing his and Bradley’s last summer together because of their new relationship. Regardless of the protests he had made in front of his best friend, Colin had been secretly thrilled at the idea of visiting France. He had never had the opportunity to go before, and seeing it for the first time with Bradley as his guide and companion would have been even better. Not to mention both of them visiting his mum and Colin trying his hardest to teach Bradley how to work as an assistant in an apothecary. The work would have been hard at times but the fun would have been constant.

Defeated, Colin slumped back against the headboard of his bed. It wasn’t in his nature to give up so he wouldn’t but was it so wrong to feel buried beneath all of these concerns that he now had to think about? He couldn’t have sent the letter to Mum without checking that it was okay with Bradley first anyway but it was still incredibly frustrating to find himself lacking the words that had always come to him so easily when communicating with his mother or uncle. The summer wouldn’t be a complete loss though, Colin consoled himself silently. France and the shared time in Colin’s home might be impossible now that everything had been changed between them but his mother would still need to be told at some point. A visit there would be more considerate than a letter, wouldn’t it? That would give him more time to think about what to say and Bradley would have to go with him. Mum would demand to see him, as much to see them together as to have the chance to talk to them both.

“I’m fine.” Colin smiled at Bradley, knowing that the expression was shy and unsure in a way that they never had been with each other. Struck by the need to know that they were still the same as they were yesterday, and knowing that Colin promises to make the effort to not be so impossible in his approach to this new dating idea, Colin reached out his hand to grip Bradley’s. It wasn’t as hard as he thought it might be, and it felt more...right than he had expected it to. “I just...” Colin shrugged, the hand not attached to Bradley sweeping out to gesture to the sodden mess of ink, quill and parchment on the floor. “I was trying to write to Mum. About us. I don’t know if I would have sent it but I couldn’t write it anyway. I just kept thinking ‘we’re a secret’, ‘what if she doesn’t understand?’, ‘what kind of a son am I to not be able to give her the grandchildren she will eventually want?’.” Colin’s smile turned haunted, misery lurking deep within him yet clear to see. He didn’t mention his sudden epiphany about the summer. There was no need to worry Bradley with that when they hadn’t even sorted themselves out yet. “In the end I figured that I couldn’t tell her any other way but in person. She deserves that much from me at least.”

[Bradley Jameson]

Bradley stared at Colin long and hard. There was unmistakeable pain clutching at his chest, but he forced it down. Colin was finally baring his soul about them - he was acknowledging it at last - and this moment was not about Bradley. Bradley had had his tantrums, he had hurt people enough, and he'd come to accept that this was what he'd wanted amidst that pain. Now it was Colin's turn to lean on him and Bradley didn't want to be so self-involved anymore. "Your mum... will understand," he finally said at last, fingers tightening around Colin's hand. "She's not my father; she's Caroline Morgensen, the nicest, sweetest, most caring woman and mother I have ever met in my life. She loves you; she will always love you, no matter who you are or what you do." A bittersweet smile painted Bradley's honest, open expression. "She is not my father," he reiterated firmly. "If I was going to tell anyone about... about us, it would be Caroline. Because I trust her, and because she loves like you do: with all your heart and soul. Believe in her, Col."

Bradley did not want to contemplate how Arthur would react to the news that his only child and male heir was apparently gay. There would be shouting, there would be rage, there would be pain. A lot of pain. All Bradley could do was forget about his father. He always did with Colin anyway; pretended Arthur didn't exist, that he didn't care what his father thought of him. It was one of the reasons Bradley loved Colin - he took away all the pain, his past where there had been silent tears and constant wonderings about how different things would have been had his mother lived. Colin made Bradley feel loved when his father never had, and should it come down to a choice between the two, Bradley knew who he would choose. Who he ought to choose was a different matter altogether.

So Bradley didn't think about telling his father the truth yet. He had already assumed that telling Caroline would come way ahead of telling Arthur (years in advance, Bradley thinks... hopes). He didn't realise Colin would have an issue with it, though. But of course he would. Caroline was no Arthur Jameson, but she was Colin's mother - he was everything to her, and this would change everything. Bradley was an idiot. Maybe it was easier for Colin, but that didn't mean it wouldn't be hard. "I don't want us to be a secret from everyone. We told Katie. And Angel and Santiago. You told Laura." Bradley paused at that, bristling under the memory of Colin's ex-girlfriend and their recent confrontation. He thought he could still feel the sting of Laura's palm against his cheek. "Caroline deserves to know. I want her to. I trust her," he added quietly. Caroline was the mother Bradley never had, and if she were his mother, he'd want her to know; to hold him and tell him it was okay. Bradley would never have that.

"Caroline loves you," Bradley repeated again, eyes glazed as he stared at the floor. "She will always love you, grandchildren or no grandchildren. I wish I..." He blinked hard. "I wish I could say the same, y'know?" He shook himself out of his personal emotions, though, to turn towards Colin and look him dead in the eye. "She deserves that," he nodded in agreement. "If you want, I'll be there. For you." Bradley couldn't help to think, for a moment, how this predicament, this confusion Colin is in, is all Bradley's fault. If he hadn't forced his feelings on his best friend, if he had never questioned their friendship. But what was done was done, and Bradley couldn't take it back. He didn't want to anyway, because he was selfish, and he was in love with Colin. And goddammit, people didn't half lie when they said love is blind, and love made you do stupid things. Bradley couldn't ever remember losing control so much since before he met Colin, when he hated his father with such a burning passion, which stilted over time and maturity. Now lingered still that desperate need for attention and love, mixed in with the resentment and hurt.

Bradley took a deep breath and pressed his forehead against Colin's. He observed the flecks of blue in Colin's eyes, familiar and moving for Bradley, with so much honest emotion. Suddenly, Bradley was caught in a haze of love and lust, of affection and desire, and his eyes flickered as he shifted forward slowly, ever so slowly, to brush his nose across Colin's, to graze Colin's lips with his. It was barely a kiss, just an intimate touch, brief contact that had the air falling out of Bradley's lungs, his breath caught in the back of his throat. "I," Bradley whispered, half croaks as he held Colin's hand tighter. "I'm sorry."

[Colin Morgensen G7]

“I’m glad you’re here,” Colin told his best friend and sort-of semi-unofficial boyfriend simply. His mind had been wildly picturing all of the outrageous, uncharacteristic reactions that his mum could have upon hearing the news (including but not limited to being kicked out of the house and disowned and even featuring an idle thought of being handed over to his father because Mum couldn’t bear to look at him anymore) but when Bradley came, everything seemed to fall into an orderly calm again. If Colin could sometimes act as Bradley’s conscience (in that he told him when to stop acting like a prat) then Bradley was probably Colin’s rationality. He made things make sense. Except Potions. Bradley had a spectacular talent for messing up potions that would never be comprehensible. Still, Bradley was right. Colin’s mother had an immense capacity for unconditional love, enough so that she saw the good in people she had never even met. Even after hearing Colin’s numerous and varied complaints about Bradley from their first year, she had met him and immediately accepted him as Colin’s best friend and a part of their small family. Doing anything but believing in her would be an insult to his mother.

Colin shifted closer hesitantly, afraid of breaking the fragile sense of openness and honesty that had somehow come into existence between them. Not that they hadn’t been honest with each other before; there had been times when Colin had wanted to throw his pillow at Bradley and tell him to shut up because, really, he didn’t want to hear about the evil peacocks trying to get something nefarious from his best friend. This was just...different. Like everything between them was now. “I am sorry about that,” Colin admitted softly, having to clear his throat and stumble a few times before the words came out right. “I know you don’t like her; she’s the ex-girlfriend so I don’t actually think that you’re technically supposed to like her.” He certainly had bristled like an infuriated cat when Georgia had cornered Bradley and draped herself all over him like he belonged to her. In any other situation, Colin would have called it jealousy. But with him and Bradley, jealousy just didn’t seem to fit right. He couldn’t be jealous of his best friend’s ex-girlfriend trying to worm her way back into the picture, except that Bradley wasn’t just his best friend anymore so, yes, he had been jealous and he despised it. So how could he realistically expect Bradley to react any differently, even if Laura had been clinging to him emotionally rather than physically? “I didn’t deliberately tell her about us but that doesn’t make it right. You’re not my hidden little secret or anything but we should decide together who we tell about us, like we did with Katie and Santiago and Angel. I wouldn’t like it if you ran off to Georgia after an argument,” and that was the hardest thing to admit because Colin was accustomed to backing down and admitting he was wrong, “so I’m sorry.”

“Hey, Mum loves you too, you prat.” Colin reminded Bradley sharply, throwing his arm over his friend’s shoulder with the easy familiarity of years of friendship and living together. “You’re like a second son to her; well, you and half the bloody village she lives in. I swear, every letter I get from her is filled with tales of the kids living near her. I feel like I have twenty little brothers and sisters and they’ll all tackle me like they actually know me when I get home.” In all honesty, Colin hadn’t been surprised to learn that his mum had been acting like a second mother to nearly every child in the village. She would have liked more children of her own but she had always told him that his father was the only man for her so there had been no chance of any siblings after his father had ran out on the two of them. Just one more reason to hate the nameless, faceless man who had donated some cells to Colin’s existence. “So yeah, I’d like – Mum would like – for you to be there when I tell her. We’d both like it. Because, you know, we should tell her together. Because we’re in this together, right? So it’s like symbolism. Or something. Yeah.”

Colin had once asked for some form of constancy from Bradley, while they were hovering on the tentative edge of friendship and...more. D’you want to kiss me or not? he had asked, and Bradley had, as always, responded with heart-warming enthusiasm once he had gotten around to making his decision. As it turned out, Colin had been the one not ready for the advancement in their relationship, and he supposed that made sense. Bradley had, after all, had a lot longer to accept his changed feelings than Colin had. A too hard push had sent Colin further than he had expected, further than either of them had expected since he had ended up right back where he had last been happy in a relationship: with Laura. Judging by the way he wanted to protest Bradley’s mockery of a kiss, acceptance was a lot quicker in coming than he had expected. He was ready to try again. “Don’t,” Colin murmured, hurriedly clarifying before he had to see anymore of that dark hurt, caused by him, on Bradley’s face. “Don’t apologise. Unless,” Colin offered a shy smile, glancing at Bradley with almost painful uncertainty, “it’s for teasing me with such a half-hearted attempt at a kiss.”