Don't Trust Girls ((Bradley))

[Colin Morgensen G7]

Featuring Angel Colman.

Against his better judgement, Colin had not sent a letter to Uncle Richard about Bradley’s odd kissing attack. After a few days of Bradley avoiding him, he had actually sat down to write the letter but found himself distracted by thoughts. If this was how their friendship was going to continue then Colin was going to scream, kick something and then beat Bradley into submission, damn it. This pattern of getting along fine, arguing, avoiding each other and then reverting back to the start had to stop. It wasn’t entertaining or even easy to adjust to. As a minor act of revenge, Colin had stole Angel as his partner in the classes they didn’t share with Santiago, leaving Bradley to sit next to Katie. The prat deserved it. People didn’t kiss other people, especially not best friend-people, and then run away without an explanation. It simply wasn’t done.

As the words had failed to be successfully expressed through quill and ink, another route had to be taken, because Colin wasn’t going to put up with Bradley avoiding him forever. He had let it continue for a few days, living with the hope that his best friend would see sense and just talk to him but, well, Bradley Jameson would never be known for his common sense. It was a shame, but that was life. She wouldn’t have been his first choice but they had been in the Gryffindor Common Room, alone in their little corner because Bradley, the prat, had stolen Santiago, so Colin had spilled all to Angel after a little bit of prodding. Her reactions had been quite the sight, though Colin had been slightly miffed by her raucous laughter at his ‘it’s a pureblood thing’ explanation for the kiss. For such a nice girl, Angel could be extremely patronising when she wanted to be. She could also be quite helpful, which was why they had spent exactly three days, seven hours and twenty three and a quarter minutes (he had kept track, just to be sure) plotting about how to ensure that Bradley couldn’t escape a confrontation about why he had kissed Colin.

“Right,” Angel hissed across to him quietly, both hands making gestures that Colin knew she knew he couldn’t interpret correctly. She was just trying to tease him now, so Colin resolved to order Santiago to keep better control over his girlfriend. It wasn’t nice to tease someone whose best friend seemed to be having a kissing crisis. “So you go in, I’ll fetch Bradley, shove him in and then I’ll guard the door for a while to make sure that no one comes in or out. He won’t escape!”

Colin dully raised his thumb in encouragement, sighing to himself as he watched Angel skip away before he entered the room she had designated for their usage while interrogating Bradley. He had his doubts (a lot of them, actually) about how appropriate a cupboard that was supposed to be used for cleaning supplies, even such a large one as this, was for an interrogation but Angel had told him that she knew best. Colin could have argued, it was true, but she had sounded so much like his mother that he hadn’t dared. Hence the overly large cupboard. Either Angel or someone else had emptied everything out beforehand, or it really was the most pointless closet that had ever existed.

Just as Angel had promised, not a very long time passed before Bradley stumbled into what Colin had decided to rename a small room. Calling it a cupboard or closet just sounded stupid. Who talked in those sorts of places? ‘Small room’ sounded a lot more practical. Besides, now that he thought about it, Colin had been in similarly enclosed spaces with Laura and nothing that had happened between them was going to be repeated here with Bradley. Not even if his best friend suddenly became afflicted by the kissing crisis again.

“You.” Colin poked his best friend’s chest with a glower. “You don’t just get to kiss me and then run away and avoid me for days! It’s not....not...not polite!” Rethinking his proximity to Bradley after the thought of what had happened the last time they had been so close, Colin stepped back warily, paused and then took a few more steps back until his back hit the wall. That wasn’t good either. Colin was still very much aware of what had happened the last time his back had been so firmly against a wall. Groaning, he shuffled forward slightly then nodded contentedly. That would be just fine. Right then. Colin turned accusing eyes to his best friend. “Explain. Now, please.”

[Bradley Jameson]

Bradley was hiding out in a discrete little room on the third floor of the castle. It was a totally random, very small, and usually unoccupied room, and it was perfect for avoiding mind-reading friends. Bradley was keen to stay away from Colin, however much his best friend was attempting to make him talk. However, as perfect as this hiding place was, Bradley was thoroughly bored. He itched to climb on his broomstick and fly, practise Quidditch or something; or play a game of Wizard's Chess, or talk to someone - anyone. He'd practically isolated himself completely over the last few days, much to not only Colin's, but also Katie's chagrin. More than once, Bradley had caught Katie glaring warning daggers at him during class, so sitting next to her had been a truly uncomfortable affair. Bradley usually fled after lessons now, desperate not to be cornered by his stubborn cousin and grilled from tip to toe about why the heck he was acting up again.

Bradley couldn't help it, though; he needed time, he needed space, and he needed to think. Frankly, he didn't know what to think. His mind raced from I like boys, to I like Colin, to I'm not gay, to Father is going to kill me. Bradley didn't know what was right and what was wrong anymore, and the constant fussing from his friends wasn't helping one bit. Bradley needed to sort this out for himself; to figure out what he wanted, to accept his feelings - feelings he seemingly could not control.

Another reason to avoid Colin like the plague. More and more, Bradley was feeling unacceptable urges around his best mate, therefore, spending as little time as possible around him was the only way to go without driving himself mentally crazy. Also, Bradley could barely face Colin - couldn't look him in the eye since a few days ago, during their last conversation, where Bradley had shoved Colin against the wall and proceeded to--

Bradley buried his head in his hands, homework completely neglected for the thousandth time in the last hour as a familiar and sickening memory floated into his mind. Several offensive words wanted to leap of Bradley's tongue, but he held it, choosing instead to lament silently. I'm such an idiot, he cursed himself, gripping hard on his blonde hair. I can't believe I did that. Damn it!

Truth be told, though, had Bradley not attempted that stunt, he wouldn't have come to a startling revelation - that he did indeed have romantic feelings for Colin. How that had happened, Bradley had no clue. It'd just suddenly hit him smack-bang in the face, and he was still reeling from the shock. Now Bradley couldn't see his best mate in any other light, and it was frustrating and painful and confusing. Bradley didn't want to want Colin, but his body seemed to, and his heart seemed to, and he didn't have the strength to argue with them, because this was Colin. Even before his shocking realisation, Bradley would've done near to anything for Colin, would've gone to the end of the world to put a smile on his face if he were ever sad. Bradley had never cared for anyone as he did Colin; he'd just never realised he was in love because Colin was a guy.

Bradley was pretty sure he wasn't gay. He felt nothing around other men - Santiago, for example. They were just his friends. Usually, Bradley was more physically interested in women; he certainly appreciated their attractiveness more. But he'd never really cared much for them emotionally either, except for Angel, who he had a soft spot for, and Katie, who happened to be his cousin so he didn't have a say in the matter. Women weren't exactly Bradley's forte, as Holliday, Georgia, and even Michelle had shown. Sure, he was good-looking enough to get almost any girl he wanted, but he'd never cared. He wasn't physically demanding, he had good self-control, and he loved Quidditch and his friends more than he did women. That should've really been his first clue.

Bradley sat in glum silence, until the door opening caused him to jump up, startled. To his horror, he saw Angel peering around the frame to smile at him. "How did you find me?" he demanded with an indignant, disbelieving squawk.

"Katie is psychic, remember?" Angel teased, and Bradley inwardly cursed how well his cousin knew him. "Are you free, Bradley? I really need your help. I dropped my favourite hair pin behind this cupboard and I'm not strong enough to lift it. Santiago's in class and I can't find Colin." She battered her eyelashes at him pleadingly, and Bradley groaned.

"Can't you get Katie to do it?" he whined. "She's practically a man anyway." When Angel merely sent him a patient look, Bradley sighed and nodded. "Fine, give me a second..." After packing his things away, he followed Angel out of the room, towards another floor. Eventually they were standing outside of another room. "In here?" he asked, looking dubiously at Angel, who nodded with a smile and gestured for him to go inside.

The minute Bradley stepped into the room, the door was slammed shut behind him, and the unmistakeable sound of locking was heard. "What the--" he started, eyes wide at the enclosed surroundings he found himself in, before he was interrupted by a poke in the chest. Bradley was stunned to find Colin babbling at him, evidently incensed and somewhat irritated. He hadn't expected to be faced with his best mate, especially not talking so fast at him, and was speechless until Colin paused for breath, demanding an answer.

The first thing Bradley said was, "I can't believe Angel! She was so convincing. I'm going to kill her when I get out of here." He glowered in the dim lighting, still somewhat surprised that his friend had been so cunning. "I..." He trailed off, though, when faced with Colin and his demanding of answers. Bradley wasn't ready to do this; he didn't even know how he felt himself, or whether or not he could accept how he felt. "I honestly don't know, Colin," he said honestly, frustration creeping into his voice. "I... I didn't do it on purpose. Well, I did, but not to, like, take the piss. I needed to know." Bradley hit his head against the wall behind him, striving to put more space between him and Colin; the near-to-nothing proximity was driving his body and mind insane.

"Colin," Bradley started again, feeling his dry throat but ignoring it, "I think I... I think I like you. Like like. I don't know why. I can't help it, I only realised it when Michelle tried to take you away from me, and I've tried to stop, I really have. But I can't. I'm not gay," he said quickly, before Colin could interrupt. "I don't like blokes. It's just... you. I don't know. I don't know anymore!" The frustration was beginning to show again, so that Bradley sounded angry, but really he was upset and distressed, and he couldn't help but shout at Colin because he needed answers just as much as his best friend did. "I've never thought about it like this, and I don't want to, but it won't go away, and I'm..." Bradley cursed out loud. "I'm sorry. For this. For everything. I don't mean to be a prat, I just... I don't know what to do."

[Colin Morgensen G7]

Bradley wasn’t even listening to him! Colin glowered indignantly. He and Angel had spent days planning this and Bradley didn’t even appreciate it. No wonder the boy couldn’t keep a girlfriend, Colin huffed silently. The poor girls probably tried to plan some lovely surprise for their prat of a boyfriend and were then irritated by his lack of attention for them. Not that this was a date sort of thing! Because it wasn’t. This was a get-answers-from-Bradley-without-being-kissed-again sort of thing. That was the whole point of this endeavour. Although it seemed that Colin and Angel had neglected to plan one thing: what to do if Bradley refused to pay attention. Luckily, Colin had long ago come up with an emergency plan for precisely that situation. Assuring himself that he had nothing to feel guilty about, Colin drew back his leg and sharply kicked Bradley’s left knee. That ought to do it.

Colin did have to admit that Bradley had a valid point though. It was really rather shocking to discover just how well Angel could lie. She seemed so innocent but the real Angel could apparently lie and scheme with the best of them if she had to. He honestly had to wonder if Santiago was aware of how underhanded and devious his girlfriend could be. If he didn’t know then Colin guessed that Bradley would be more than happy to let him know. “How can you not know?” Colin demanded furiously, hands flying up of their own accord to push Bradley forcefully. His patience had long since reached its limit. He just wanted Bradley back. The real Bradley, not this unsure and confusing duplicate who went around kissing people without warning them beforehand. “You don’t just kiss someone without knowing why. And what exactly were you hoping to learn by doing it?” Colin spat out scathingly. “What I had for lunch?”

“So...” Colin drawled after a few minutes of silence, of trying to understand everything that Bradley had just babbled out at him. “You’re, ah, Colin-sexual?” He evidently wasn’t ready to try to introduce humour into the situation since even just saying it made him flush darkly, the colour spreading from his cheekbones down to his neck and the skin covered by his shirt. Merlin. Bradley was...well, apparently not gay, a she had shouted out loudly enough that Colin wondered if Angel had heard from her watchful post outside the door. Then again, she had said that she would only be guarding the door for a while. Maybe she had left them. Colin’s eyes flicked to the door. Angel wouldn’t have left them, he reassured himself. She couldn’t have done, because he had heard her lock the door after Bradley had entered. Angel wasn’t heartless. Suddenly irritated by the dark fringe flopping into his eyes, Colin pursed his lips and blew upwards to move the strands of hair away. No. Angel definitely wasn’t heartless. Mischievous and well-meaning, however, she most certainly was.

“Just calm down,” Colin ordered quietly, the part of him that was Bradley’s best friend above everything slipping into control. They could deal with this. They had dealt with worse than this, even if Colin couldn’t put his finger on one definite incident that was worse than being told that his best friend liked him. As Bradley had so maturely put it, he didn’t just like Colin but like liked him. “It’ll all be fine. We’ll...we’ll sort this out. Somehow.” He had promised not to freak out when Bradley had asked him. Presuming that the promise still applied since this was a direct consequence of the kiss, Colin tilted his head forward to rest his chin against his chest and closed his eyes. They could deal with this. Everything would be fine. Except that it wasn’t, that it couldn’t be. Because... “I don’t,” Colin blurted out hurriedly, expression begging Bradley to understand. “I don’t feel the same way. I don’t think so anyway. You’re just...you’re Bradley. I can’t imagine life without you and you’re my best friend and I hate this because I just don’t know.” He now knew how Bradley had felt, Colin surmised dryly. That frantic beat of his heart hammering against his ribcage, the panic and the desperate horror of the changes that were undoubtedly going to happen in their friendship. “How did you know?” Colin asked slowly. “That you liked me, I mean. How did you know for sure?”

[Bradley Jameson]

"Ow!" Bradley yelled, immediately clutching his knee and grimacing in pain. "What the hell was that for?" he demanded angrily, glaring at Colin in a short-lived moment where Bradley wasn't in love with his best mate.

"I just don't know, all right?" Bradley snarled, retaliating by shoving Colin just as hard. Bradley felt his elbow hit the wall and a shot of pain flared along his arm. He bit his lip and refused to wince visibly. "I wanted to know how I felt," he shouted, "I needed to know how I feel about you, okay?"

Finally. The truth was out. Bradley folded into himself once again, losing all courage he'd found whilst infuriated with Colin, and felt a burning regret in his stomach. The silence was heavy, and Bradley was holding his breath for Colin's reaction without realising it.

Eventually, Colin's voice broke the standstill, but it brought little if no relief. "I don't know," Bradley snapped impatiently, turning away from Colin and staring hard at the wall. 'Colin-sexual'? What the hell? "You tell me. You're the one who tricked me here like an animal to talk to me. I've said everything, I've told you the whole truth; what more do you want me to do?"

Bradley threw his hands in the air in frustration, back to being angry and forgetting his worries about spilling his dilemma to Colin. "Calm down?" he echoed in a furious hiss. "Calm down? You try imagining what it's like to be me right now and you calm down! Do you know what my father would do if he ever found out that I had doubts about my sexuality? Doubts that involve you? He'll question everything about our relationship since our first year of Hogwarts! And then he'd disown me!"

Bradley looked so horrified that it seemed he was about to tear his hair out. "And were you the one to keep this secret to yourself for ages? No! You didn't have to spend hours and days and nights thinking you're going insane. You didn't have to tell your best friend that you're in love with him!"

Bradley's rage only worsened tenfold when Colin said he didn't feel the same way. Ignoring the thunderous pain blooming in his chest with determined will, Bradley powered on with a rising voice, "Well of course you don't! Because you don't have the same [expletive] problem!" He gave a bitter bark of laughter when Colin said he didn't know. "Oh, so you don't know now either! Great. Doesn't it feel great?" he hissed resentfully.

Bradley's anger abated somewhat at Colin's question, and the feeling of disaster returned to occupy his head, his eyes, his throat, his every pore. Swallowing tightly, Bradley said, "I knew for sure when I..." He paused and tried not to grimace. "...Kissed you." After a beat of silence, he continued, "It started when I saw you with Michelle. I was annoyed because I thought she was using you, but I guess I was also annoyed because I was jealous or something."

Bradley sighed, frustrated. "I'm not used to sharing you," he admitted. "I didn't like the thought of losing you, especially to Michelle O'Riley. I never thought about it with Laura 'cause... Well, don't know. I guess I never felt like she'd threaten us." Bradley shrugged helplessly and avoided eye contact with Colin. "It got worse. And then I knew. I knew it was more than just... yeah," he finished lamely, slumping against the wall and pinching the bridge of his nose with two fingers. He was beginning to feel a headache building. "Oh Merlin," he groaned out loud, ignoring the stinging pain of rejection still, although it hurt so, so much. "This is so screwed up."

[Colin Morgensen G7]

“That was for not listening to me!” Colin shouted back, hands curling into fists as he felt himself stumble back until his head smacked against the wall. “Uh, ow,” he rubbed the back of his head pointedly, sulky blue eyes regarding his best friend darkly. He didn’t feel any wetness against his skin so at least he knew that he hadn’t been shoved hard enough to draw blood. Much as he hated to admit it, Bradley was stronger than him; it would be easier to hurt Colin than for him to actually inflict any pain. It wasn’t really fair since Bradley was the one who was a prat therefore needed to have some sense smacked into him a lot more often than Colin did. “You shouldn’t have to find out like that,” he muttered resentfully, feeling the fight drain from him as he looked, really looked, at Bradley and noted everything showing in his expression and body language. “Why did you have to complicate things so much, Jameson?” Colin asked wearily, rubbing one hand across his face as if he could erase his memory of everything that had happened between them.

“I had to,” Colin explained simply, staring at Bradley as if he had lost every brain cell he had ever possessed. “You weren’t talking to me. You were avoiding me. What else was I supposed to do? You’re my best mate. I wanted to know what was wrong, I needed to see if I could help.” And hadn’t that worked out oh so well for him, for both of them. What was going to happen to them now? Colin couldn’t help but to wonder. What about their plans to go to France, to Ireland, to have Bradley stay with him over the summer? It hadn’t been so very long ago that Colin had written to confirm that Bradley and he would both be in Armagh to visit his mum. Mum and Will, Colin’s closest friend from the pre-Bradley era, had both written back with clear excitement though Will had been slightly more restrained in his approach.

Colin stared at Bradley blankly. “Your father’s a prat. A worse one than you ever were. The prat to end all prats. The King of prats, if you will. Who cares what he thinks?” Maybe it was just because Colin had never known a true father or because he had never been exposed to someone as ruthless and painfully strict as Arthur Jameson was but he couldn’t understand Bradley’s odd attachment to his father. It simply didn’t make sense. Why would anyone love someone like Arthur Jameson so much? To be truthful, Colin couldn’t even understand how the man had gotten a wife, let alone one willing to bear him a son.

“You didn’t have to keep it to yourself!” Against his will, Colin’s voice again rose to a yell, with him almost snarling at his friend. “You could have told me before. You could have told Katie, or Angel, or Santiago. You didn’t have to do this alone; that was your choice so don’t you dare blame this on me, Bradley!” Actually, now that he thought about it...Colin glanced at his friend, placing him under deep scrutiny. Was it just Colin? Or Santiago too? Bradley had said that it was just Colin though, and this wasn’t really something to lie about.

So it took a kiss to prove it for sure. Bloody wonderful. Was this some sort of twisted fairytale or something? His mum had read stories to Colin during his childhood, when they had both lived in the same country and house. As far as he remembered, none of those stories had ever involved a boy and his best friend in the same situation and Colin and Bradley. “Laura wouldn’t,” Colin agreed, his smile miserable as he remembered his first and only girlfriend. “Did I ever tell you why she broke up with me? Apparently I thought too much about you and not enough about her. As if she could read my mind!” He had wondered if she could, at the time. He had liked her, but she hadn’t managed to hold his attention for long, and she had sensed and resented it.

He would probably regret this but it had to be done. Colin’s tongue darted out, wetting his lips nervously. A kiss, eh? Fine then. He could be a man about it if that was what it took to be sure. Moving quickly, Colin stepped closer to Bradley, brushed his lips against his best friend’s and then apprehensively jerked back too quickly to have even felt the touch. His brows furrowed in confusion, sending Bradley a bewildered look. “You were able to tell from something like that?” Colin shook his head slowly, not understanding in the slightest. Maybe he was just a better kisser than Bradley was, Colin contemplated thoughtfully. It might explain why Bradley had been able to tell from one kiss while Colin hadn’t felt anything at all. Or, y’know, maybe he just wasn’t gay like Bradley was. He supposed that would also explain it.

[Bradley Jameson]

"You think I wanted this? That I asked for it?" Bradley shot at Colin bitterly. "Next time, don't help me! I needed some time to figure it out." The glare in Bradley's eye faded somewhat, though, as he calmed again and the subject of his father was brought up. "Because he's my father," he answered heavily. "He may be a complete and utter idiot but he's still my father. He's family. He's the only direct family I've got." He looked into Colin's eyes and willed him, not for the first time, to understand his attachment to Arthur Jameson. Colin's relationship with his mother had always been fond and affectionate from both ends, so in Colin's eyes, being close to Caroline and having an equal relationship with her was good and normal. Bradley's relationship with Arthur, though, was on the opposite end of the scale in terms of closeness, but Colin didn't understand that father and son still loved each other; it was just not as intense or loving as Bradley would've hoped.

"I didn't know what to do, okay?" Bradley burst out yelling, turning on Colin again with arms held high. "I couldn't just turn around and say, Hey Colin, buddy, I suddenly have these feelings for you, want to talk about them? Don't be an idiot, Colin! It's not that simple! Look at your reaction right now!" He gestured wildly at his best friend, and turned away again in shame. "I could never tell the others without telling you first," he mumbled. "You're my best mate. You always come first. Katie may have figured it out, but I didn't want to talk to her about it. You know what she's like - Get over yourself, Bradley, and just say it. Feelings aren't meant to be easy." He hit the wall with a fist and sighed. "They're not easy to understand or easy to talk about, okay? I'm sorry, but... I haven't cared for anything... or anyone this much for... ever."

Bradley looked up as Colin mentioned Laura. He'd never known that, but knowing it now didn't make him feel any better. Colin still didn't like him like that, and their friendship was, whether or not Colin would try and dissuade him, over - or at least it would never be the same again with this barrier. Bradley wished with some bitterness that Colin had never tried to pry the truth out of him - never cared about him enough to go to such extreme measures like locking him in a cupboard-like room. It was almost endearing, were it not for the awkward, painful situation.

However, Bradley certainly hadn't been expecting Colin to lean forward and brush his lips quickly against his. A flash of feeling shot through his stomach as Colin drew away again, looking confused, and Bradley had to repress the urge to surge forward and kiss him again, for Colin would surely not react well to that. He hadn't wanted anyone - any girl - for a long time; every physical relationship, ever since his sixth year, had been casual, and rare. Bradley was both mortified and shocked at the simple desire of wanting to touch Colin. "Colin, what the--" he began, voice shaking. "Yes. Because then I couldn't ignore it anymore. I actually wanted to do it. I liked it. I wanted to do it again." Bradley wrung his hands together and then split them apart into fists against his sides.

Colin was looking at Bradley as though he still didn't comprehend how and why, and it frustrated Bradley to no end. He needed Colin to get it, and this was just ridiculous, because he never would. "Colin," Bradley said with a shake of his head, "the things I want to do to you... are not what a mate wants to do to a mate. Do you get it?" At the blank look on Colin's face, Bradley heaved an exasperated sigh, and decided to throw caution to the wind, sick of darting around a naive Colin lacking in understanding. Pushing forwards, he grabbed Colin's face and pulled it towards his, bringing their lips together in a kiss that was more passionate than before, but still gentle. Bradley's tongue darted out to lick against Colin's lips almost automatically, and there was no denying, now, the rush of desire that rattled through his body.

The kiss lasted for several seconds - maybe half a minute, because Bradley wanted to really convey everything to Colin once and for all - and finally Bradley stepped back and let his hands fall away. "Do you get it now? I bloody... I really care about you. I care about you more than anyone else in the world," he said in a quiet but hard voice. The silence that stretched was deafening, until Bradley could take it no more. "For crying out loud, this is stupid," he snapped, looking away from Colin's face and pushing against the wall which he was sure was the door. "Everything is ruined. I know it's my fault, and I'm sorry. I'm getting out of here." The wall refused to budge, though. "Oi, Angel! Let me out! Now!" he yelled, but there was no response. Swearing loudly, Bradley kicked the wall and slumped against another. "This is not happening," he groaned, closing his eyes and seeing nothing but darkness; he couldn't handle looking at Colin any longer.

[Colin Morgensen G7]

“Yes! Yes, I think you asked for this. You asked for this when you kissed me and ran away and made me worry because I thought I was losing my best friend!” Colin snapped childishly, hearing the child-like whine in his own voice but choosing to ignore it. His life had just been turned upside down with Bradley’s announcement that he was attracted to Colin. No one could blame him for overreacting just a little bit, or even for deliberately misinterpreting his friend’s questions. Bradley hadn’t been asking what Colin had answered, but he really didn’t want to think about the reality of it. “We’re your family. Katie and Angel and Santiago...and me.” They were never enough for Bradley though, Colin thought petulantly. Bradley always wanted Arthur; when was he finally going to learn that fathers were nothing but bad news for everyone?

Colin laughed humourlessly, long fingers tugging at the fabric of his sleeve until a small rip turned into a hole that a few of his fingers could slip through. He would just have to fix it later, adding this shirt to a long list of others that had been amateurishly and clumsily repaired with an evident lack of skill, but he just needed something to do with his hands. “You could have said exactly that,” he told Bradley with a sigh. Didn’t he understand anything? Trying to explain something to Bradley was like trying to chip through a brick wall with a plastic spoon sometimes. Pointless and a waste of both time and effort. “I haven’t ever turned you away when you wanted to talk, have I? It probably would have been a gentler introduction to your feelings than pinning me against a bloody wall and kissing me then running off like you had just tasted something foul!”

Pride would never allow him to admit it, or even to think over it for an extended length of time, but Bradley’s reaction had actually been quite offensive, now that Colin recognised it as a genuine action rather than some twisted pureblood thing that he couldn’t ever hope to understand. He frowned at his best friend expressively. Colin was not bad at kissing, thank you very much, so there was no need to flee in search of mouthwash and toothpaste. Laura hadn’t thought so anyway. She had enjoyed kissing him, Colin remembered smugly before recalling that Laura had also broken up with him because of Bradley and, Merlin, wasn’t that just like an omen straight from a story? He really had to wonder if his ex-girlfriend had any psychic tendencies.

He needed Katie, Colin decided suddenly. Bradley wasn’t being any help in explaining anything, so Katie was his next reserve. There was just something about his situation that his mind absolutely refused to comprehend so he needed Katie to smack some acceptable into him because Colin knew without doubt that he was firmly within the tight grasp of utter denial. If only Bradley would be a bit more bloody patient and stop throwing all this new information at him then Colin would have a chance to actually process it instead of getting confused and mad and distressed. It wasn’t the easiest thing in the world to discover that his best friend secretly, or not so secretly as the case now was, wanted to jump him. Actually, it was downright absurd. Colin had never thought of Bradley, of any boy, in that way so to learn that Bradley viewed him that way was a bit of a shock to his system.

For the third time now, Bradley’s face was too close and his mouth was against Colin’s. It was awkward and weird (and what did Bradley think he was doing with his tongue? Colin’s mind shrieked hysterically) but...it wasn’t that bad, not really. It was nice. He had been wrong, he noted absent-mindedly. Bradley wasn’t a bad kisser, not in the slightest. Which was quite an alarming thought really, when everything was taken into consideration. This was his best mate after all. It was just that...unlike Bradley, Colin was slightly more amenable to the concept of being bisexual. He had nothing against homosexuality. Uncle Richard was gay. Mum had no problem with that so she shouldn’t really have a problem with her son liking both genders. Besides, she loved Bradley like her own son. Okay, that made it feel a bit weird because if Bradley was his mum’s second son then he was like Colin’s brother. With a grimace, Colin swore never to think of his best friend in that way again. Not as long as he rather enjoyed being kissed by him anyway.

While Colin had been thinking, Bradley had been shouting for Angel to free them so Colin merely smiled with uncustomary grimness when no answer was forthcoming. “I should have known that she would disappear,” he commented flippantly. “I think she has a date with Santiago later and Katie wanted to help her get ready.” Typical girl stuff really. Angel and Katie were always doing that sort of stuff, just not usually when Colin and Bradley were locked into a room together. One thumb absently rubbed at his lower lip as Colin gazed at Bradley contemplatively. He had had his kiss now. He ought to know how he felt, and he thought he kinda did. It was...different, but different wasn’t necessarily bad. He just needed a bit of time to come to terms with it before having to tell Bradley. Being locked in as they were, time wasn’t exactly something that they were lacking. “Is it really so bad to be locked in with me now?” Colin asked, turning away with hatred at how wounded he sounded.

[Bradley Jameson]

"I know," Bradley acknowledged without disagreement. It was true that his friends - Colin, Katie, Angel and Santiago - were practically his family. He'd probably spent more time with them the last seven years than he had with his father since birth; it was sad, but true. He'd never begrudged Arthur for it, though that didn't mean Bradley hadn't always yearned for more attention from his father. "I didn't want to talk," Bradley scoffed at Colin's words. "I wanted to understand. I needed time and space. You're the most important person in the world to me, Colin, but we don't share the same mind; we don't share everything." He fixed Colin with a look. Bradley loved his best mate, but he'd always been a private person; he didn't share secrets easily, didn't open himself up straight away until he trusted someone. It was partially because of his upbringing, as well as the people Bradley had met as he'd grown up - people who'd tried to use or get close to him purely because of his name and wealth. Bradley had made many mistakes in the past, which he was keen to forget, move on and learn from.

Colin had always been the opposite, though; sweet, naive, innocent Colin, who always sought the best in people and treated everyone he met with equal kindness and warmth. Bradley loved him for it, but he could never be so open and loving so quickly. He was suspicious and analytical by nature; a negative thinker who always saw the worst possibilities. Their differences in personality had led to several confrontations over the last seven years, but Bradley and Colin had remained inseparable despite the odds. Every misunderstanding and argument had always been resolved quickly, and Bradley saw another moment where Colin seemed to have picked up the wrong impression. He cursed inwardly at his best friend's hurt tone of voice. "I ran away because I was scared, you idiot," he shouted, "I was scared and shocked and... I didn't know what to do, so I ran!" Bradley refused to look at Colin as he added shamefully, "I was a coward. It wasn't you, it was me. I didn't mean to hurt your... feelings."

Bradley's eyes widened almost comically when Colin said Angel had likely left on a date. "You're kidding!" he half shrieked, pawing at the stubbornly closed door. For the second time that day, he cursed Angel Colman and her cleverly hidden evilness. Once again, Bradley detected a wounded tone to Colin's voice, and sighed dramatically with a roll of his eyes. "Stop sounding like a girl, Colin," he said condescendingly, "you're so sensitive sometimes, taking everything so personally to heart. Of course I don't hate being locked up with you. If I could choose who I had to be locked up with..." A flush spread across Bradley's cheeks, though in the dim lighting it was hardly obvious. "It'd be you. Whether or not I liked... you know." He coughed, embarrassed. "Look, it's just not... healthy, or mentally good for me, right now, to be locked up with you. It's nothing personal, mate, so stop looking like I trampled on a puppy or something." Bradley ran a stressed hand through his hair, a gesture becoming more and more frequent the last few days. "I can't stay here when my feelings are... well, black, for example, and yours are white - total opposites. I need space. To breathe. And think."

[Colin Morgensen G7]

If he knew, as Bradley had just that moment so obligingly assured Colin that he did, then why was he still so fixated on his father? Not for the first time, Colin came to the despondent conclusion that he would never understand his best friend at any time if Arthur Jameson was brought into the equation. Colin had never had a father but even he could see that Arthur Jameson was not a good one, wasn’t even a good person unless he buried his heart where people couldn’t detect even a hint of its presence. Sure, the man had lost his wife and that was all very upsetting but, really, he was an adult with a son. Bradley should have been his first priority, not left to the care of nannies and babysitters and whatever other forms of hired help Arthur Jameson had employed.

“Fine.” Annoyed and hurt, Colin sank to the floor, stretching his long legs out defiantly in the process. Bradley had always jokingly complained about the length of Colin’s limbs so he may as well use them to the full effect. It wasn't a very mature approach but Colin wasn't really in the mood to act like the adult he was supposed to be growing into. He didn't want to care, so he pretended not to. “If you didn’t want to talk then we won’t talk. By all means, have it your way. That’s the way it always happens anyway.”

He wasn’t going to forgive Bradley as easily as he always did, Colin chanted silently. He wasn’t, he wasn’t, he wasn’t. Why should he? Colin always forgave his best friend for everything far too quickly, not even really requiring an apology from Bradley to immediately accept that they were back into their normal rhythm of friendship. It wasn’t healthy. Laura had always said so back in the days when she and Colin had been dating. He would turn up with a dejected expression and then bounce back to his normal self so quickly after so little as a smile from Bradley that told him that everything was back to normal. Laura had disapproved and she had told him so. Considering that Laura, much like Katie and Angel, had almost always inevitably turned out to be correct nearly all of the time, Colin was now deciding to follow her advice and subject Bradley to some well-deserved silent treatment. Maybe it was a girl thing or perhaps not, but Colin was hardly likely to defy the advice given to him by a member of the rather creepily intuitive gender.

So now he was a girl? Was that why Bradley claimed to be attracted to him, to make a mockery of him? Colin scowled, all traces of private amusement about Bradley’s previous pounding on the door instantly fading away. Why did Santiago have to have weekly dates with Angel anyway? It wasn’t like they didn’t see each other every single day, for Merlin’s sake. They practically lived together since they were both Gryffindors. What was so special about dates when the two of them spent almost every minute together? The unconscious pulling at the newly created hole in his sleeve became more frenzied as Bradley continued speaking. This wasn’t fair. Bradley had had days to think through his feelings and thoughts. Colin had only had minutes. Yet...was it really fair to persevere in struggling to think over everything when he was so clearly hurting his best friend? Colin didn’t even have to think about it. “What if I’m not precisely white?” Colin asked shyly, abruptly breaking his self-imposed silence with the tentative question. “What if I’m more...off-white? Or grey? Kinda. I think.”

[Bradley Jameson]

Bradley started when Colin suddenly spoke again. For a moment he thought he was alone with his rant - as often he was whenever he and Colin found themselves arguing. Bradley needed to rant, it was a necessity. "Excuse me?" he said, dumbfounded and surprised as he turned his eyes on his best friend. "Grey?" Bradley felt his brain whir with the possibilities and implications of what Colin was saying, and wordlessly slid to the floor too, opposite his best friend. The room was small, though, and inevitably their legs were becoming tangled. Bradley carefully but awkwardly manoeuvred his limbs to settle along Colin's - touching but not pressed tight. If this had been a week ago, there would've been no discomfort whatsoever with such close proximity, but everything had changed. Bradley had to accept that things were never going to be the same again; he couldn't see how this was ever going to be a good thing either.

Resting his cheek in his palm and training his eyes on Colin, Bradley began to speak again, quieter and more subdued, more serious than ever. "What are you saying, Col?" he asked, stare pained and confused, maybe a little hopeful. "I think I know what you're saying - I always do - but I can't assume anything here... You can't give me hope if you're going to take it all away again. It... It'd hurt too much." A flash of hurt darted across Bradley's face, but he smothered it quickly; he didn't want to emotionally blackmail Colin into anything, and it had always been a habit of Bradley's to appear strong and not weak. It was a trait instilled by his father, and he'd never been able to forget it, after the several beatings he'd had as a child; beatings to remind him that pain was good for you, but you had to learn to control it, use it, rather than succumb to it.

[Colin Morgensen G7]

Much to his surprise, the sudden contact with Bradley didn’t make his muscle tense or make him want to flinch away, though he did feel the slow heat of a light blush trailing across his cheeks. So maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all. Not everything between them had to change. They could cling to some remaining traces of ease and comfort even while awkwardness suffused their friendship until there was little room for anything else. It was good to know, he supposed. Colin couldn’t live without his best friend as a constant in his life. He had grown too used to Bradley’s presence, to their casual touches, their closeness and the way that they simply understood each other even without words being spoken. There had never been a bond with another person like that for Colin before Bradley. He had had friends in Ireland and London of course, but they were hardly the same. The childish games and playtimes between him and Will could hardly compare.

“Yeah,” he confirmed quietly. “Grey.” He couldn’t think of any way to verbalise it than the colour boundaries Bradley had set out. This was all too new, too unsettling. He wasn’t frightened or worried though; that would be too ridiculous even for Colin. This was him and Bradley after all. There was very little to fear because the two of them always had the other’s back. For the first time since their second kiss, Colin raised his eyes to meet Bradley’s, plainly showing the uncertain acceptance that flickered in the blue depths. “You know I wouldn’t do that to you, and you know what I’m saying. Do you want me to spell it out for you?”

He wasn’t entirely certain if he could but this was for Bradley. It was, to put it simply, absolutely necessary. So Colin bit his lip, tightened his fingers around the hole in his sleeve and opened his mouth to let the words spill out as they would. “I like you, Bradley Jameson. And I’m not entirely opposed to being kissed again. The being pushed against a wall part is negotiable.” It was easier than he had thought, almost a tangible release of that which had been building up for longer than Colin had known. His smile appeared once again, hesitant at first but then growing in strength and vitality as the relief passed over him like a tidal wave if overwhelming emotion that he had never been prepared for. “So what now?”

[Bradley Jameson]

"I know you wouldn't hurt me on purpose," Bradley retorted, though there was no anger in his voice. "I wouldn't do that to you and I know you wouldn't do it to me - not on purpose. But do you know what you want? Really?" Bradley couldn't help but doubt Colin; he trusted his best mate implicitly, but Bradley himself had taken a long time to come to terms with his feelings for Colin. He couldn't imagine how Colin could so quickly resolve his when moments ago he'd been shocked into silence. "I believe you, mate, but I wouldn't have trusted myself to make any decisions two weeks ago. It took me a while." Bradley tilted his head downwards, feeling guilty about his odd behaviour over the last month.

However, despite Bradley's doubts and numerous questions, he still felt that tiny shred of hope spark alive. He wanted to suppress it - tell it to be quiet and not grow - but it was impossible, and it bloomed like a rose during spring in his chest when Colin said I like you. Bradley could only stare in shock after Colin's admission; he didn't have any words, only wide, emotional eyes and a slack jaw. Eventually, Colin broke the silence, and only then did Bradley recover his senses somewhat. He forced his heart to stop beating so loudly in his chest and stumbled through a, "I don't know," and then a croaked, "Really? You're not kidding, right, mate?"

Bradley lapsed into another silence, this time more thoughtful so he could speak properly. When he did, he answered Colin's question. "Well... Things don't have to change. Well, they do, obviously, but... at the end of the day, we're still friends. Right?" He gave a tentative smile. Bradley was never submissive, but when it came to relationships - relationships with his best friend, who he cared about more than anyone, including himself - he was ignorant and like a child - knew nothing, and would need to learn by experience, fumbling clumsily in the dark. Bradley didn't like it, but he didn't care either; all he knew was, Colin was open to the idea of being with him. That's all that mattered right now.

"Let's... Let's not tell the others yet," Bradley suggested quietly, wringing his hands together against his knees. "I don't like to lie but... I think we... I need to time to adjust to this and I don't want the hype, you know?" Bradley couldn't even imagine the insane gossip that would spread like fire around the School. He briefly thought of his father, but was quick to quash that idea. He would cross that bridge when he came to it. At the moment, he was just too happy to care whether or not Arthur would accept it - whether or not he even considered himself gay. "Just... take it slow." Bradley rubbed his face in his hands, trying to smooth out the stress and focus on his relief and happiness.

"Whatever happens... I will always care about you. Okay?" Bradley sought Colin's eyes, leaning forward to find Colin's hand and interlacing their fingers together, tentative but without hesitance. He watched Colin's face carefully for any signs of disgust or distress, and glad he found none. "C'mere," he murmured, pulling Colin through the squashed space of the room so they were cushioned in each other's arms and their legs were well and truly tangled. He embraced Colin fiercely, feeling the relief envelope his senses, and sighed against Colin's ear. "Thank you," he whispered, eyes closed and inhaling Colin's familiar scent. Bradley didn't care that he was letting down every guard he had ever invented for Colin; in fact, he was over the moon about it. Nothing had ever felt better, because an hour earlier, he'd been struggling with his feelings, thinking he'd lose his best friend forever. Now that worry was a world away.

[Colin Morgensen G7]

Oh dear Merlin, was Bradley being serious? Distracted from the thoroughly amusing sight that a shocked into silence Bradley had provided, Colin rolled his eyes. “Which part is it that I’m supposed to be kidding about?” Colin asked idly, again tugging nervously at the frayed threads of his sleeve. He wasn’t quite as flippant as his careless tone implied that he was but Bradley didn’t need to know that. At least one of them needed to seem in control of himself otherwise they wouldn’t get anywhere at all. “If it’s about being kissed then I give you full permission to test me. I’m not standing up for you to shove me against a wall though so that’ll have to wait until later. If you’re talking about me liking you then yes, I’m sure.” He had never mentioned it before because it just wasn’t an important part of their lives but maybe it would help Bradley to understand so Colin leaned forward slightly with a quick shrug. “Uncle Richard is gay, and I’ve been living with him for years. After waking up to discover strange, often barely-dressed men in the kitchen a few times, adjusting to being attracted to my male best friend isn’t that strange for me, mate. It isn’t exactly what I expected from today, or any other day, but it’s not all that weird, I guess.”

It would probably be a tremendously stupid question that, under any other circumstances, would have Bradley laughing at him with that fond expression that so clearly labelled Colin as an idiot but he truly had to ask. It wouldn’t be the most important thing that they had discussed in this odd little storeroom that Angel had hunted out for them but the answer would be significant to Colin at least. “Can we still... I mean, it’s alright to... Is it fine for me to still...touch?” Very much aware of how foolish he sounded, and of the potential risk for accidental or deliberate misinterpretation of his words, Colin stumbled over his query miserably. He had never been so grateful to come to the end of a question before. It was just that he was a very tactile person; he had been raised with constant loving touch and he had never been deprived of that, had never had to hold himself back. If he had to then he would try but he wouldn’t always be able to remember his new limits. “I can’t change my nature that easily, you know that. But if you need me to then I’ll try not to, like, hit or nudge or hug you for a while.”

“Alright,” Colin agreed mildly, no censure or discontent in either his voice or body language. This new development hadn’t been expected by either of them so he could hardly blame Bradley for needing more time or feel offended by the request since he knew that it wasn’t because Bradley was ashamed of him. Even if he had been, ultimately, the one to present the least resistance to it, Colin would never claim to be already fully adjusted to thinking of Bradley as a boyfriend rather than solely a best friend. Bradley had it worse than Colin too; he had to worry about what to tell his father while Colin had already figured that his mum would come to terms with his sexuality with relative ease. Uncle Richard would be the worst of hypocrites to disapprove so Colin had absolutely no worries about telling his family. “We can probably manage to keep it secret for a while, but Angel does know that you kissed me.” Fearing an accusatory glare, Colin ducked his head with no small feeling of humiliation. “I panicked. I had to tell someone and you weren’t talking to me so she was the only one around because Santiago was in the library.”

The reassurance that Bradley sought to offer was so superfluous that Colin didn’t deign to give a reply. Of course he would always care for him, just as Colin would always hold Bradley high as the most important person in his life. No matter what happened between them now, that would never change. There was no doubt concerning that; he didn’t believe that there ever would be. Instead, he obediently followed the direction of Bradley’s tugging and finding himself not at all worried to be essentially sitting on his best friend, head tipped for his forehead to rest against Bradley’s temple. Being slightly underweight, Colin was nowhere near heavy enough to cause much of a discomfort for his best friend so, when added to the fact that they both needed the security that their close contact offered them, he made no protest about his new seating arrangement nor did he try to move away.

[Bradley Jameson]

"Don't be ridiculous, Colin," Bradley grumbled in reply, "you're not a test subject. I want to be able to... you know. Kiss you because I want to, and know you want to too. No more surprises. I promise." A faint blush glowed on Bradley's cheeks, and he ignored it stubbornly. His heart's rate of beating only increased, though, when Colin said he was sure, and then that it wasn't even weird. "Well," Bradley finally managed, a little stunned and disorientated, "it wasn't exactly... normal for me. But okay. Good. Great." He would elaborate about how his father was probably homophobic, but decided he'd freak out on the spot if he did about the entire situation, and Bradley did not want doubts right now. No, he wanted to be happy and ignore all the potential problems for once; he didn't want to go back to that state of limbo he'd found himself suffering for the last few weeks.

"Don't be an idiot, Col," Bradley snorted, the amused smile in his eyes evident even in the dark as his hand reached forward and a finger tentatively came to rest against Colin's jaw. "As if I would tell you I like you with the possibility of ruining our friendship and then tell you never to touch me again. I want to be touched. Damn it, I want to touch you, if you let me." His finger wandered along the edge of Colin's chin and hovered there uncertainly. "I don't think I could cope if I could never touch you again," he added softly, and was unable to repress the growing blush on his cheeks. Bradley hated being sappy and romantic; it wasn't him, but he wanted to be honest, and his feelings were, at the end of the day, rather sappy and romantic.

"You have permision to... touch me. Whenever," Bradley finalised gruffly, looking away and withdrawing his hand. He groaned when Colin mentioned Angel. "Damn it. If Angel knows, Santiago and Katie are going to know. Angel and Santiago tell each other everything, they're sickening. And you know Katie - she'll clue on straight away and then get it out of Angel before you can say 'I like you'," Bradley grumbled sarcastically. He was rather apprehensive towards telling their friends, but it seemed like he wouldn't need to do much informing himself. "Whatever. Let them know," he sighed, kneading his eye with the flat of his palm. "We trust them and they're family, like you said. But let's keep it in the family." He sent Colin a small smile then, to reassure him that he didn't really mind. Still, Bradley wasn't looking forward to the conversation with their friends about him and Colin - especially Katie, who was bound to be smug and all I told you so, which infuriated Bradley ever so much.

Bradley's heart fluttered frantically against his chest as he and Colin sat in silence. He tried and failed to make it stop, so eventually all he could hear was the synchronised beating of his and Colin's hearts. A small smile graced Bradley's lips. However, he knew the moment couldn't last, and eventually he pulled away with obvious reluctance. "We should get the hell out of here," he said with a low chuckle. Before Colin could protest, he picked him up like a child, and then deposited him in a standing position, but not before burying his head in Colin's hair. As Colin stumbled into him, Bradley held on tight so he wouldn't fall, arms secure around his hips. "All right?" he asked, looking at Colin in concern and repressing the urge to hold him close again (because that really was quite enough sappiness and romance for one day). When he was sure Colin was fine, Bradley brought out his wand and used a simple unlocking spell to open the door. "Should've thought of that earlier," Bradley said offhandedly, somewhat amused and half exasperated as he and Colin stepped out, new yet unchanged relationship in tact. He turned to his best friend - boyfriend? - with a crinkled smile, and touched his arm. "Student Lounge?" he suggested, and laughed. Bradley was happy.