Stay. ((Aurora))

[Ariane Chan]

((Set a week after the train ride home from Hogwarts.))

Ariane stared at her best friend long and hard. Aurora sat across the dining room table, no more than a metre away; wet eyes, nervous fidgets, guilt-ridden. Ariane couldn't stand the sight of her. She wanted to hurt Aurora; protect Aurora. She wanted to push her away, tell her she didn't need her. She wanted to cling to her sleeve like a child and beg for her to stay. "You're leaving," Ariane spoke for the first time in a long, aching silence, a twist of question and statement. Gone was the ice that hung onto every corner of Ariane's voice, leaving a toneless quality, laced with not surprise, not fear, not loneliness - no. Disbelief. Utter disbelief. It did not sit well in her voice. "Why?" Ariane managed to expel tightly, her eyes falling from Aurora's face to her tensed, pale fingers, bound together as one.

America. This was the first Ariane had heard of any plans for Aurora to leave for America. Her eyes scoured the letter Aurora had pushed towards her gingerly, the letter that plied her best friend to leave, leave home and come to us. Reading the offer - generous, hopeful, disgusting - made nausea, confused and hurt, hit Ariane's stomach. Aurora wanted to be a musician, Ariane had always known that, but at the expense of her friends, her family? At the expense of her? Ariane wondered bitterly. Maybe Aurora had grown fed up by her side, maybe she wanted to move on from her. Ariane knew this was no truth, just paranoid scrabbling for answers in her mind, but nevertheless her eyes darkened visibly at such thoughts.

Ariane would be nothing without Aurora. True, they didn't indulge everything to one another as though they shared the same mind, but they certainly lay the foundations for each other's strength, however much Ariane did not admit this to anyone else and people's disbelief that Aurora needed Ariane and vice versa. Aurora made Ariane the girl she hid from the world alive - the eighteen-year-old girl who treasured family above everything, who smothered Harmony out of aching love, who had fears and vulnerabilities, weaknesses and flaws. Ariane was made of ice to the outside, to strangers, where they judged her harsh visage, suspicious eyes and down-turned mouth as signs of a cruel person, an antisocialite who reigned with a metal fist of steel. But Ariane was real too, a real human being with real human-being feelings, and no one could pull those from her so painlessly than Aurora Chan. Aurora wasn't just Ariane's cousin, her best friend, her listener, her silent companion. Harmony was Ariane's most precious person, but Aurora was the other half of Ariane's soul.

Ariane's eyes blurred a moment as her memories flicked through the hundreds, countless of times Aurora had sat next to her, quiet and smiling, a hand to hold, a shoulder to lean on, a person to hold. Always understanding, that was Aurora, and Ariane had come to take her granted over the last five years. She'd never imagined she'd leave. Ariane had survived fine without Aurora before she'd met her, but now, the thought of walking forwards without her created a dark, hollow image, hopeless and lost. Aurora was the light, Ariane the dark - their balance would be lost without the light to keep her dark at bay. Ariane may be one of the most independent individuals of her age, but the irony was that she was only self-reliant because she unconsciously took security from her friendship with Aurora. What amazed Ariane more than anything about about Aurora's desire to leave, though, was that Aurora felt she could survive without her. A sense of betrayal curled around the back of Ariane's mind, feeding on her darkness. Perhaps Aurora was more independent than she'd thought. Maybe she was ready to fling herself out of the nest; recklessly so, but she was ready for that plunge. And for once, Ariane felt a step left behind.

A reason nestled into Ariane's mind, a reason she'd been afraid and wary of since the beginning of their Seventh Year but she had never confronted or asked Aurora about. As fear, hurt, betrayal and disbelief continued to surge through her, she asked in a clipped, firm voice, "Is it Collins? Is he the reason why you're doing this? Because he's not worth it. He's not worth it, Aurora." Ariane would never beg, never plead, but she could point, she could accuse to protect her dignity, her pride not unlike Kael Collins. "He's not a good enough reason to leave everything you love and care about behind." Ariane took a deep breath, looking her best friend in the eyes. "You're going to leave me behind." She didn't need to say it. Ariane would be lost with Aurora. She would miss her best friend like she missed her dead mother.

[Aurora Chan]

Aurora knew it. She knew that look in Ariane's eyes: betrayal. Her gut stirred uncomfortably. Guilt. How many times could she say sorry until she were forgiven? Sorry, sorry, sorry. Ariane didn't forgive easily, but this would be different. She was Aurora, Ariane's best friend, and what made Aurora feel even worse was that she was exploiting their relationship. She knew Ariane had to forgive her. She was one of those privileged few. "I didn't... I didn't make this choice lightly," Aurora started softly, ready for the backlash of hurt, of anger. Ariane was bound to be all those, and there were bound to be questions - lots of them. Why, when, where, why, why, why? And Aurora knew she could never quite answer Ariane's question truthfully. She didn't even know the true reason herself. Aurora had never been one to run away, but she would never so readily drop her life, her loved ones, and leave. Neither of them were Aurora, so what was she?

At the accusations Ariane began to point grudgingly at Kael, she began to protest in defence of her friend. "No, no, it's not Kael. I swear it." She hadn't ever discussed her feelings for Kael to Ariane, or anyone else for that matter. They were confusing to Aurora herself, she didn't want to jump to conclusions about them, but she knew they were dangerous; another reason not to stay. "He's another reason why I'm not staying, but he's not... why," Aurora clarified, echoing her thoughts, then levelled her eyes with Ariane. "I don't know... about him, Ari. I just don't know. But I don't like it. It's not right." She shifted uncomfortably, fingers unstickying from each other so one could trail a stray piece of hair. "He won't miss me," she concluded the topic firmly, sadly. She didn't want to talk about Kael. She wanted to shut him away, not think about him; bury him.

"I'm not lying," Aurora said, staring straight into Ariane's eyes, burnt accusingly, painfully. "I would never lie to you. You are the only person in the world I would never lie to, Ariane. I can lie to everyone to keep them happy, but I know I don't have to here. We're honest with each other." Aurora remembered with a slight pang of hurt the time Ariane had kept her relationship with a Tristan MacKay from her. When Ariane had finally revealed the truth to her, she had been sad her best friend had not confided in her earlier, but it was hard for Ariane, she understood that. "I..." Aurora began again with a tired, hard sigh. "I need to do this. It's everything. I love my life, I love the people in my life. I love you." She took a shaky breath, blinked back a sentimental tear. "Like you're a part of me. It's going to hurt like a b**** when I go. But I'm going to do it."

Aurora chuckled darkly. "Maybe I'm doing it because it's going to hurt, you know? I need to know I can survive it, flying away. You know that feeling where you suddenly just want to turn your back on everything and leave? Plunge into the abyss, fall off a cliff? It's that." Aurora met Ariane's eyes meaningfully. Her best friend knew exactly what she meant. "I've lived here for eighteen years, comfortable, happy, but what's out there? So much more. Leaving Hogwarts showed me life is so much bigger. We have to grow up, and the only way I can do that is by leaving home. I have to leave Mum and Dad even though they'll cry and send me letters every day, wanting to know how I am. I have to leave Leo, even though he'll be one sister lonelier, but he'll have Harmony, you, and that makes me feel just a bit better." But not a lot. The words remained unsaid, yet rang loudly in the silence.

"I don't have to leave you," Aurora admitted as she continued sadly. "You could come with me, but I don't want you to. Well, you shouldn't. You have a life here. You have Auror training, you have Harmony. You can't leave here, not for me, and I won't let you. I'm going to be scared, I'll be alone, but I'll be a better person in a year's time. It's only 365 days, Ari. I want to prove I can do that. I want to go somewhere with only strangers, where I don't have to smile and just be me all the time, where I can think of only me, selfishly, for a year. I blame Kael for that." Aurora allowed a small, dry smile. "You'll become a bloody fantastic Auror and I'll actually learn something on this course, with this producer. He's got the skills, the equipment I need, everything. It's the opportunity of a lifetime, my dream. I wouldn't leave home for anything but my home, the people I love, but I actually want to leave, in a way. I'm not sacrificing music for you. I would never do that." Aurora pulled the letter back to herself, her finger pressing into it gently. "This is my future, Ari," she murmured with a glassy stare down at the fateful words. "I can feel it."

[Ariane Chan]

Ariane couldn't resist her eyebrow stretching upwards a fraction as Aurora denied Kael's dealing in all of this. Aurora's reaction, her imminent departure, it all smelled suspicious, and if anyone was suspicious in Aurora's life it was Kael Collins. The other half of the Collinses, Lynne, was harmless - too much like Aurora for comfort, though, perhaps even worse - and Seth Wright? Phff, Seth couldn't hurt a fly even if he wanted to. That left only Kael. Ariane's eyes narrowed just thinking about the boy. He was very much like herself in some ways - unsociable, quiet, blunt. Ariane had respected that; to an extent even liked him because of their shared qualities. She'd liked him much more than she had Lynne, anyway; she was much too happy, smiley, just like Aurora when she was around everyone but Ariane. Ariane hated that about Aurora sometimes, but at the same time admired her for it, was in awe of such strength she would never herself imagine possessing.

Ariane had watched Kael with Aurora over the past year and knew he understood that aspect of her best friend. You couldn't be close to Aurora if you didn't know she was a born liar. However, Kael wasn't like Ariane, not really. He could hurt Aurora in a way Ariane could never do, and the fact she felt just a twinge of jealous vindictiveness about this alarmed her immensely. Ariane wasn't used to being Number Two in Aurora's life. For a while it was true that Tristan had somehow replaced Aurora in Ariane's life, but Ariane had never experienced losing Aurora to a man. Her time with Danny had been away from School, before Ariane had moved in with her best friend and her family. Ariane had never met Daniel Heath and frankly, she never wanted to. She knew she would hurt him a lot.

Ariane continued to listen doubtfully as Aurora explained bit by bit her motives for running away. Because that's what it was: running away. And Ariane wished she could say that out loud, accuse Aurora of being a coward, but she couldn't. She couldn't say what Ariane knew she had done before, what she would do in a heartbeat to escape. If Tristan walked into her life again, Ariane would run. That was that. She was a runner, a coward, even if she was also a brave, courageous Gryffindor. At heart, she hid a broken vulnerability thanks to her past; thanks to her family, her father. There were cracks in the chinks of Ariane's seemingly bulletproof armour. "I believe you," Ariane finally said when Aurora promised she wasn't lying with a rather sentimental claim to loving her. There was no denying those pinpricks of tears in her eyes, though, which she blinked into oblivion. "I know," Ariane said. "I do too." I love you... and that's why this is hard.

Ariane knew the feeling Aurora described too well. She was always longing to throw caution to the wind and just jump. Their lives had always been held by rules and society, but now Aurora was breaking free from what everyone expected of her. Ariane could understand that desire only too well. "I know," Ariane repeated, and meant it, in reply to Aurora pleading for her to believe her, that she loved her most. Ariane knew Aurora wouldn't lie, not to her. They knew each other too well anyway. "Then go," Ariane finally said after a heavy silence, folding her arms across her chest and letting the smallest sigh escape for giving in. She'd known from the beginning she would, but she'd needed Aurora to explain, to give her closure and a sense that she wasn't being abandoned or betrayed by her best friend. "I only want what you want," Ariane cited quietly, "I want what's best for you, and what's going to make you happy. But if you ever need help or anything goes wrong, you come to me." Ariane didn't even demand Aurora to promise it. It was an unspoken deal.

"When will you tell Aunt and Uncle?" Ariane asked as they remained very seated and still. They were the only ones in the house and could talk as loudly as they liked, but their voices remained hushed and secretive. "And Leo? They'll be devastated." Ariane didn't bother trying to sweeten the facts. It was true, and Aurora would have to face it: Jenny, George and Leo Chan were going to be extremely, extremely sad to watch their daughter leave. They were such a close-knit family, it seemed wrong to turn four into three. "Harmony will stay here," Ariane said after a moment's pause. "I will be searching for an apartment of my own, close to the training in London. I think it'll be for the best. Harmony will only be here during the holidays, anyhow." Ariane felt secure with her sister, less protective than years ago. She still despised Rex Carter with a passion, but there was no doubt he had evoked a fire in Harmony to become more independent. Ariane was still dubious, still concerned, but she knew if she continued to hold her sister on a tight leash, Harmony would come to hate her, and she couldn't live with that. She also knew if she stopped Aurora, Aurora might hate her too, however incapable Aurora was of hate, and Ariane could not live with that either.

[Aurora Chan]

"Yes." Aurora's smile spoke for her: relief, gratefulness, joy. She needed this, Ariane's permission, her best friend's blessing. She wouldn't go comfortably without it. Ariane needed Aurora more than anyone. Her parents would miss her, Leo would pine her company and listening ear (and those bear hugs too, not that he'd ever admit it!) and Harmony would reminisce their shared times of Hufflepuff honour, but they didn't need Aurora. Ariane's need was almost like a child's, and subconsciously, Aurora not only wanted to teach her best friend the lesson of independence, but herself too. She knew they were capable of this. Ariane was not her child.

Aurora had always gravitated into people's lives as their agony aunt because she looked for it naturally; she wanted people to need her, make her necessary, give her a reason to exist. This wasn't the sort of love she sought for in a man; with a man, she wanted an equal, loving relationship where they could share happiness. With children, Aurora wanted to give her all, give them her everything so they could be happy. It was a different sort of relationship she knew was not befitting for her and Ariane, and which she knew she would one day seek again in her children. Of all the things Aurora was destined to be: best friend, wife, musician, writer - there was one thing more than them all she knew she was meant to be: a mother.

After Aurora had agreed to Ariane's demand, she said, "Tonight. I'm going to tell them tonight." She gave a heavy sigh and propped her cheek against her palm, a sign of her unease and anxiety. "They're going to take it so hard, Ari," she said softly. "America's so far away. It's not France; it's not in Europe. Hey, at least it's not China." Aurora cracked a small smile. "That's for the best," she nodded in agreement with Ariane's plan. "Harmony will be safe here, you know that." There was a short, comfortable silence, the first since Aurora had sat her best friend down earlier to confess her future plans. Then, Aurora broke it with a gentle smile and the words, "I'll write. Every day. I'll miss you. You'll have to visit. I... don't plan on coming back until the course is finished. Mum, Dad and Leo are bound to come too. They'll bring Harmony. It'll be fun, I can show you around. I've always wanted to live in America for a short time."