Always Meant to Say Goodbye ((Dixie))

[Professor Adam Greene]

Why not his cottage? What was wrong with Hogsmeade? Adam rolled his eyes as he remembered Dixie's scrawled message to meet him in the park that was next to the entrance of Diagon Alley. Apparenlty muggle London was more convenient of a place for Dixie, and so, with Jamie in hand, Adam exited the Leaky Cauldron and made his way toward the park.

When he arrived, he sat Jamie in one of the sandboxes beside the swings. It was hard to believe he was already two years old now, and Adam watched him with a smile as his small hands sifted through the soft sand. As all toddlers were naturally able to do, Jamie had found a small toy truck that was buried beneath a small heap of sand, and he started to play with it.

"Summer passed too quickly, bud," Adam said, his eyes on his son. He knew Jamie didn't really understand what he was saying, but it was sad to think that by next summer, he'd probably be talking Adam's ear off. That's was sucked about the situation. Summers just weren't enough. Not for Adam. But he barely had room to argue. He was the one who had been so afraid of parenthood in the first place. Dixie was the strong one. The least she deserved was to have the time with Jamie. Then again, it was so unfair to Jamie too. It wasn't his fault that Adam and Dixie hadn't worked as planned. But he didn't even know of the crazy life that preceded him. All he knew in that moment was the sand, and the joy that it provided. That was enough to make Adam smile.

It had only been a few minutes that they sat in the silent park, the cool autumn wind cutting through the summer heat. And then Dixie arrived. She was walking, which was odd. Perhaps a driver had dropped her off at the nearest street. Adam didn't see a car leaving though. Either way, he figured she'd use Diagon Alley to apparate her and Jamie back home then, wherever that was at this point in time. Adam couldn't keep track. And then it would be another goodbye. He was getting used to it by now though. "You seem in a hurry," he noted with a hint of disappointment. It'd been a while since he'd seen Dixie. She hadn't been the one to drop Jamie off for the summer, and they'd only written back and forth on a couple occasions. It was always just to rely messages about Jamie though. Nothing more.

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

"Please," Dixie whispered, pushing the chair back a bit as she tried to remain calm. Sitting wasn't helping her calm her nerves. She needed to get rid of those excess nerves that were bundling up inside of her, swirling around and causing a storm. A quick glance at her watch and Dixie knew she was late to pick up Jamie. Mentally, she cursed, and then turned her attention back on the man in front of her. He was tall, kind of scary looking, or maybe it was just because of the situation she was meeting him that he was scary looking. Dixie wondered if he was married, if he had kids, were they happy? Where'd he live? Did he understand what it meant to fight so hard for something only to lose it in the end? Did he know the feeling of having to shuffle his child between two parents every summer holidays? Did he know the guilt gnawing at her stomach because she knew that it was unfair to both Adam and Jamie? Did he? She doubted he did. But if he did… maybe he wouldn't be so scary then.

"Mrs. Greene…there's no—"

"Holden."

"Excuse me?" He cleared his throat and peered at her, causing Dixie to shift a bit in an uncomfortable manner.

"Holden's my last name. I'm divorced. I kept 'Greene' for business purposes. But anyway, don't tell me there isn't anything you can do. I know for a fact that there has to be something," she was pleading again. Dixie hated this. She hated having to rely on someone, to beg for them to fix something in her life. The man looked at her with pity, and Dixie wondered if it was 'she's divorced' pity or if it was because of her groveling. She realized she didn't care. Pity could win her something, right? "I can't…can't lose this company…it's basically all I have." Tears, much to her dismay, sprung in her eyes and she yearned to turn away so as not to show weakness. But she couldn't. It would be rude. So, she simply blinked rapidly to get them to go away and eventually they did…when she was walking down the street to pick up Jamie.

She was losing Lovely Lumos! and there wasn't anything she could do about it. Dixie sniffled and wiped at her eyes, trying to keep the tears from coming even harder. She couldn't let Adam see her like this. She needed to be the strong one. Always the strong one. God, she treated him worse than she treated anyone else. She couldn't help it. There was too much pain, too much history, between them for her to just be happy and friends with him. Dixie tucked a loose strand of her hair behind her ear as her heels clicked on the sidewalk. The park came into view and she quickly looked around for her little boy. He was the world to her. Jamie was the only reason she was capable of making it through this summer. Holding him, well, it had to make the world right again, didn't it?

There he was. Quickly, Dixie hurried over to him, unable to wait to pull him into her arms and cuddle him. But, she stopped herself. Perhaps… perhaps she should talk to Adam for a bit. It wasn't like they spoke much at all anymore. Dixie bit her lip and finished the rest of the walk in a hurried yet somewhat casual manner, approaching Adam before she even approached her son. When she stood next to him, she pushed aside those nostalgic feelings. This was why she had sent her assistant to drop Jamie off…as much as it had killed her, she couldn't bear to be around Adam. It would hurt too much. "In a hurry?" She repeated, trying to process what he was saying. After a bit, she shook her head; "No…I just… was late. I'm sorry." Dixie looked up at him, hoped to Merlin her eyes weren't red, and then she motioned to a bench; "Want to sit for a bit?"

[Professor Adam Greene]

"Don't be..." he said, shrugging off her apology. "Don't be sorry. It's not like I'm going to complain that I had to spend a few extra minutes with my son." He smirked, hoping to get a smile out of Dixie. She seemed bothered by something though, and he sensed that she wasn't exactly happy. He found it odd, assuming she'd be more than thrilled to see Jamie.

"Ahhh... yeah, I have a minute," he replied, taking a seat next to Dixie on the bench. It felt weird though, sitting beside her. Not because he didn't want to sit by her or that the actual act of sitting beside Dixie was weird, but just because he wasn't sure what to think about it. After the divorce, after their temporary reconciliation, and now after spending a summer with Jamie alone, Adam wasn't really sure what to think. Part of him would always be in love with Dixie, but at the same time, part of him would never be able to shake all the doubts, the terrible memories, and the notion that they just weren't perfect for each other. They had shared a lot of great times in the past, and he just hoped that they could remember those times and perhaps look forward to a great friendship in the future. That'd be best, wouldn't it?

"So what's new?" he asked, figuring that it wouldn't hurt to at least catch up on the news of Dixie's world. It was a world that once was his world too, but now he was so out of the loop. "Any plans for you and Jamie this year?" He wondered what types of things they did together. Did they travel a lot? That was something Adam could have done this summer, but it seemed that the three months came and went too fast for him to even think about traveling somewhere.

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

A pang of guilt resonated in Dixie’s stomach at his words. “No,” she murmured quietly, “Of course you aren’t going to complain about having some more time with Jamie…” She knew that it worked out somewhat decently; this arrangement. Adam was working through the school year and she was working through the summer. It was convenient, but it was still rather unfair to her ex-husband and her only child. Now with Lovely Lumos failing to nothing, Dixie wondered if Adam would be able to take Jamie more often. She would need more time to be able to go and try to find a new job, or open a new company. Open a new company, right. Like Dixie would have enough money to open a new company. Things were just spiraling out of control, she didn’t know how to handle anything. Maybe that’s why she asked Adam to sit with her for a bit. The sense of familiarity was calming, it was….familiar. She needed it for a bit, she needed to feel like something in her world wasn’t completely changing. Even though the something she was grasping onto had completely changed already. She and Adam were no longer she and Adam. They wouldn’t be again.

What’s new? Dixie didn’t answer. She continued to watch Jamie play as Adam continued to ask her what her plans for their son were for the year. She didn’t even hear really. She heard the words, but she couldn’t comprehend them. She couldn’t believe she was breaking down in front of Adam, but then again - it was rather understandable…it was Adam. He had seen her at her worst and seen her at her best. Her lowest and her highest. He had seen her cry, laugh, scream. He had seen her deal with the death of her best friend, had watched her run away from the pain, and he had seen her fight for him even if it wasn’t against someone else. Adam had seen Dixie stripped down to her barest; he knew who she was inside and out. And while that might have scared her had it been anyone else…this was Adam…and Adam was still the only person she could trust with anything - regardless of their marital status.

The silence was settled in between them uncomfortably, and when Dixie spoke again - it was on neither of the questions; “Adam, I’m losing my company.” Her voice was pained as she watched Jamie sift through the sand some more. “Sales have dropped, my designs aren’t right anymore apparently. The company’s sinking. Someone keeps trying to buy it out from under me, but because there aren’t any sales going on…there’s nothing I can do.” Tears sprung into her eyes again and she cursed herself for being so weak. Why did she cry so much? So she was losing her company? Sure, it was the one thing she was proud of when it came to herself. But it was just a company, wasn’t it? Yes. Just a company. Yet it still hurt to know that someone else would have it. What was Lovely Lumos without Dixie? It wasn’t anything. Dixie was Lovely Lumos, damn it. No one else could do for that company what Dixie did. Lovely Lumos was her first born. It was her baby.

“I’m losing my company…” she whispered, finally turning her gaze on Adam, tears rolling down her cheeks, “Everything’s just falling apart.” She set her head in her hands, took several deep breaths, and hoped to God she didn’t look like a fool for crying to him.

((Sorry it's somewhat long?))