Identity Crisis ((Casey))

[Carson McGreggor H6]

((This post takes place during the summer, of course. )

There was something odd going on, and it was seriously putting a huge damper on Carson’s mood. Carson had always been the type of person to find work therapeutic. He would bury himself in his duties and responsibilities to try to make himself forget that he had lost his best friend. Carson had always been somewhat terrified of having nothing to keep himself busy, because it would simply put himself in the same position as Ezzie, Casey, and Ethan’s family. When Carson wasn’t distracted from the pain, he didn’t deal well. He became stressed, angry, aggravated. He couldn’t focus on anything but how much he hated the situation he had been put in.

Carson had begun to figure out that fighting people wasn’t a way to deal with loss. It simply wasn’t healthy to live with so much anger. So, Carson had bought himself a punching bag and brought it with him on the trip. He was now in his room, trying to forget about his current emotions and problems by punching the stuffing out of his punching bag. His clothes were the simple black wife-beater and red basketball shorts. He was sweating like crazy and his rock music was blaring from his speakers. He paused the music to take a drink and a bit of a break. Sadly though, he’d only just finished off his water. He sighed, feeling the dry scratchy feeling in his throat. His mouth felt as dry as cotton. Not to mention he was sweating his brains out thanks to his workout session. He didn’t think many people were around as Ezzie and Eden were locked in Eden’s room deciding what they were going to wear to their next concert. Carson yawned as he dialed Casey’s cell phone number. Her phone had been off lately, which was odd for her. He figured that with her best friend and her boyfriend away she would be calling every other minute to ask what was going on. But for some reason, that wasn't so.

Carson had even asked Ezzie whether or not Casey had called recently, and she never really gave him a straight answer. She said that they had talked, but never for long enough. She always seemed to be in a hurry to leave, so she didn’t get a chance to talk to Carson rarely ever. Hearing the familiar ringback tone he waited to hear Casey’s voice. There was something about her voice that sounded familiar…to be honest, it sounded more than just familiar. He felt like he heard Casey’s voice every day, even on days when he was on tour and didn’t get to see her. Suddenly, he heard someone answer the phone. Finally, after what seemed like weeks, Carson was able to hear more than just his girlfriend’s answering machine. “Hey Casey. Where have you been? I haven’t even heard your voice in ages.”

Carson spoke sweetly to Casey. He hadn’t heard that tone of voice break out of his lips since the last time he had seen Casey. Completely forgetting he wasn’t alone on this bus, Carson opened the fridge and drank some orange juice out of the carton. It was a pretty nasty habit of his that Ezzie and Eden had always yelled at him about, but he did it all the time at home, and it was really hard to break old habits. “Well, you’d be surprised.” Casey mumbled. Carson didn’t think much of the comment. He was simply too happy to finally get to talk to Casey again. “Haha, I have so much to tell you about what’s been going on over here. London Star is THE biggest brat I’ve ever seen in my life. Ezzie almost murdered the girl. Not to mention Eden almost kicked her out when she caught her spying on me getting out of the shower. Ick. Creepy. In fact, do you want to talk to Ezzie? I’m sure she’d love to tell you all about it. I’ll put you on the speaker setting so we can all talk. Have you even spoken to Eden yet?” Carson said as he made his way to Eden’s room. He changed his phone to the speaker setting as he turned the knob on her door. Ezzie was lying on the floor reading a magazine and Eden had her back turned to the door looking through her closet while talking on the phone. Sudddenly, Carson heard an echo. Eden Sweden spoke the simple words “Um, I don’t think Ezzie would want to talk to me right now.” In any other instance, the words would mean nothing. But these exact words were echoing out of Carson’s phone, which could only mean one thing. Either Eden had been impersonating Casey as a joke, or Casey Allen really was Eden Sweden. Somehow, Carson didn’t think this was a prank. This was real. All this time, Carson had been on the same tour bus as his girlfriend without even knowing it. It all made sense now.

The next few events all happened at once. Carson dropped his phone, letting it land with a long loud thud. Eden turned around to spot Carson’s shocked face and dropped her phone as well. Ezzie made a stupid excuse and snuck out of the room. Eden’s mouth hung open in a mixture of shock and terror. All these events led up to one simple sentence that Carson didn’t think he was ready to hear.

”Carson, I can explain.”

[Casey Allen G5]

“This one.” Casey said as Ezzie held up two tops for the next concert. After giving it much thought Casey decided that the red one looked nearly identical to something Casey saw London wearing. And Casey would not let her best-friend look even remotely like London Star. Casey then walked over to her pile of clothes and scrounged through them. They all looked so, wrong. They were bright and flashy. Casey had to remind herself that this was Eden’s style. But why? Why did she ever pick such an identity for herself? In fact, why did she ever pick one at all? Eden Sweden only complicated things. She created lies. Yes, Casey loved singing her heart out on stage and hearing the fans scream for her, but that was just it. They weren’t screaming for her. They were screaming for part of her. They were screaming for the part that happened to be a huge lie. Casey came to realize this over the summer months and it made her hate Eden Sweden a little bit. She hated different things about her every day. Monday it was her hair, the day before it was her music, and now it was her clothes. What was the point? If Eden made Casey sick to her stomach then why did she even bother? Casey started asking herself this question every day.

“So I know me, you, and London planned on doing the final song together, but let’s just kick her out and sing True Friend or something.” Casey suggested joking at first but then a light bulb came over her head. “No better. Start All Over. That new one I’ve been practicing all summer. You would sound amazing singing it with me.” Casey smiled waiting for Ezzie to say something, but before she could Casey’s phone started playing the familiar ring tone. ‘But you were Romeo and you were throwing pebbles. My daddy said stay away from Juliet.’ Casey smiled listening to the tone that only played when Carson called. Casey mouthed who it was to Ezzie as she reached for the phone. It was hard lying to Carson for months and months, but it had to be done. And a lot of the time, Casey just avoided his calls, but she missed talking to him as her. She missed him.

Casey smiled and muffled a ‘hi’. She sighed when he said he hadn’t heard her voice in ages. ‘You’d be surprised.” She mumbled as she glanced to Ezzie. It was hard telling this huge lie to her boyfriend, but she didn’t have another option. Casey listened and laughed when he called London a brat. Oh she knew. Casey even found London trying to catch a peak at Carson in the shower. Casey went ballistic and it must have looked crazy but she didn’t care. Carson talked on about the tour thinking that his girlfriend didn’t know anything. Casey eyed Ezzie who wanted to know what Carson was saying. She smiled and put it on speaker phone so her friend could hear. And everything was fine until, ‘In fact, do you want to talk to Ezzie?’ Oh no. This wasn’t good. ‘I’m sure she’d love to tell you all about it. I’ll put you on the speaker setting so we can all talk. Have you even spoken to Eden yet?’ “Uhh.” She began. She could hear him walking. Casey gave a frantic look to Ezzie as she jumped up to try and lock the door. Too late. Casey eyed her boyfriend. He couldn’t tell she as Casey but he would soon. “Um, I don’t think Ezzie would want to talk to me right now.” He was there. He was listening and he was beginning to try and piece things together. Great..

It was over. Casey had to tell the truth. She couldn’t lie anymore. Carson dropped the phone and Ezzie scurried out. She warned Casey about this, but Casey didn’t want to hear it. Oh well. No she had to face the music so to speak. “I can explain.” She said first. Casey eyed Carson with a pure look of shock on her face. She couldn’t take her eyes from his. “I have a secret.” She said simply. Casey then reached to her head and grabbed the blonde wig she was so used to now. The only time she didn’t wear it on tour was when she showered and when she slept. Casey tugged it away and the familiar brunette waves fell passed her shoulders. “I’ve loved to sing my whole life.” She was going to tell him "I started to sing at weddings when I was nine and kept on performing. And then Scene Records offered me a contract before second year. But me and my dad decided that we weren’t ready for me to give up my normal life so I made up Eden Sweden so I could do both, sing and live normally.” She stopped and eyed him. “And I had to keep it a secret from everyone. Even the people I care about. Not that many people know.” Casey paused. “I was just afraid to tell you. I didn’t…” She couldn’t talk anymore. She already felt defeated. “Carson I’m sorry.” She finished and looked him straight in the eyes. She didn’t exactly know how he was going to take it, but she was scared to find out.

[Carson McGreggor H6]

Carson couldn't believe this was happening to him. All this time, during this entire tour, Carson had been fooled by all those he loved and cared for. Casey had been lying to him this entire time. Everything she'd ever said, everything she'd done- it was all just a stupid lie to cover up her secret. Carson couldn't believe how stupid he felt right now. How could he not see the truth, even when it was standing right in front of him the entire time. He couldn't believe this. All the excuses Casey had made in the past made sense now. She had been lying to him the entire time, and then she expected everyone to be honest to her? Carson couldn't believe it. Hell, he still couldn't believe why he was still even standing here to begin with. Casey knew that Carson hated being lied to. Casey had always shared the same feelings about secrets and lies...or so he thought. It seemed that he simply didn't know anything about Casey anymore. Anything that used to be there just wasn't there anymore. Now that this secret had surfaced, how many more were hidden deep beneath? How did Carson know anything she told him was true? Carson met Casey's eyes for a very long time. He couldn't believe the raging feelings that were flooding into his body right now. He was angry, of course. But then there was jealousy, that Ezzie (and probably the other band members now that he thought about it) had known about the secret and Carson hadn't. There was bitterness and self-consiousness, that he thought Casey didn't care for him enough to tell him. Then there was just more anger. He wanted to throw something, he wanted to punch someone. Part of Carson even wished Hanson Fitson could get out of jail just for a moment so Carson could beat the stuffing out of him.


Casey just didn't understand how these things are. Why didn't she simply talk to him about it? Carson wouldn't have been nearly as upset if she had just come out and said it. Now all Carson wanted to do was beat someone or something to the ground. Maybe he'd go back into his room and give his punching bag another couple dozen hits. He wouldn't be surprised if he really did beat the stuffing out of that thing one of these days. With all the anger he had just itching to come out, Carson could practically bet that at least something would be broken by the end of this whole little argument. What made Carson angry the most was that Casey had waited until now to tell him all of this. She didn't bother to tell him that day on the train when they were about to "go their seperate ways" for the summer or even the many times when Carson tried to call and she either didn't answer or came up with some lame excuse to hang up all summer. She didn't bother even hinting who she really was the many times Carson had brought the subject of his girlfriend up in casual conversation with Eden and the band.

"Wow, Casey, that's real great." He said bitterly, his fists balled up as he advanced in on her. Ezzie had long since backed away and now they were alone in Eden...or rather, Casey's room. Some strange angry monster in him wanted to hit her, it wanted to shove her up against a wall and throw her around like a helpless rag doll. But Carson hadn't been pushed to that point of insanity just yet. It wouldn't be long until he did though. Every fiber of his being was fighting right now to keep that hideous monster inside him restrained. "So everything seems all peachy keen. You get to play rock star and then come back to your normal every-day average boyfriend, eh? Is that what I am for you? Just your way to try and be a normal kid again? How could you do this, Casey? Why didn't you tell me?!" He whispered murderously, trying desperately to keep his voice down, although failing rather miserably. He knocked over a picture frame as he flailed his arms around. He didn't even blink, though Casey jumped, obviously terrified. "I can't believe you didn't trust me with something like this. What you think I wouldn't love you if you were a blonde? Is that what it was, eh?!" Carson shook his head furiously and backed away. "You know what? I've had enough. You're damn lucky me and Julie need the money, otherwise I'd be out that door right now. I've had enough." Carson didn't dare look Casey in the eye again. He simply stalked out of the room (passing a guilty Ezzie who seemed to be listening at the door) and back into his where he slammed the door shut and continued to beat the stuffing out of his punching bag. He didn't care if he had upset Casey. She had upset him. She brought this on herself. Carson had every reason to be angry with her right now.


...didn't he?

((so I guess either Casey follows him or Ezzie can enter the picture from here. )

[Casey Allen G5]

Casey didn’t know what to say. She explained herself but it wasn’t enough. She kept this from a boy who meant everything to her. She hurt him and he couldn’t let it go and nor did she expect him to. Ezzie was right from the beginning. She should have told him. But she was scared and confused. She didn’t know what to say until it was too late. Even now she wasn’t ready to tell him but it was over with. Casey trusted Carson, but she knew that she had lost his trust. A tear streamed down her face before she could get it to stop. Casey just wanted to go back and tell him months ago, like her birthday. That would have been the perfect time, but she couldn’t. She was a coward and she knew that. Casey could see the anger in his eyes. She had only seen it once before and it was when Hanson’s crew attacked her, but now she caused that anger and this made her feel horrible. Carson was a best-friend, a boyfriend, and a protector and she let him down. He didn’t even want to talk to her and it was all her fault. Casey let another tear fall down. “I’m so sorry.” She muttered through gasps.

Casey eyed the blonde wig on the floor. Her secret was finally out. And while Casey wanted to be happy, she couldn’t. She wasn’t relieved; she was horrified. “I just..” She paused. “I was afraid it would ruin everything.” She gasped for air again. She couldn’t help it. “I was scared Carson.” But Casey had a feeling that nothing she said would help. Casey let out another tear. “No it isn’t like that!” She exclaimed when he referred to himself as her average, every day boyfriend. “Yes I get to sing and do what I love, but I also love being around you.” She tried to dry her tears. “Carson. Eden could have any guy she wanted.” She said truthfully. “But she doesn’t because I want you. Eden is just a part of my life. She doesn’t define me. I control her, not the other way around.” Casey shook her head. “No Carson.” She said when he asked if being with him was simply getting back to normal. “Carson if I wanted normal my boyfriend wouldn’t get into fights protecting me and get sent to jail. I don’t need normal. I need you. I never used you.” That was true. But Casey sure that Carson would believe.

“I’m sorry.” She said yet again. “I should have told you when we started dating, but it wasn’t long after Ethan’s death. Ezzie was a mess, you were a mess, I was a mess. And it isn’t an excuse. It’s just..I. I just couldn’t do it and I’m sorry.” Casey didn’t know if there was anything more to say. Either Carson would forgive her or he wouldn’t and Casey didn’t have any control over this. “I trust you more than anyone. This isn’t about trust it’s about me being scared that you would be okay with this. This is about me being a coward and I am!” It was true. For months Casey convinced herself that he wouldn’t understand. She acted like a baby. Maybe she had this all coming. She nearly rolled her eyes when he asked if she thought he wouldn’t love her if she was a blonde. “Carson now you’re being crazy.” That wasn’t going to go over well, but she couldn’t help it. Carson yelled again and then stomped out. Casey followed him. She had to.

Casey still had tears in her eyes. Ezzie and the boys were in the hall staring but she ignored them as she walked furiously to Carson’s door. She could already hear the punching bag going which wasn’t a good sign. She didn’t even both knocking. She just walked in. “I screwed up and I’m sorry.” She said now that the tears were finally gone. “I let you down and I dunno how to fix it.” She said looking into his eyes. But she was sure that he didn’t even want to look at her. “And if you want to leave the tour, than leave. I want you to stay and it’s a great opportunity for you and your music, but if you want a break than go and I’ll still pay you for the tour. But only because I care about you and I never meant to hurt you.” Casey eyed her clothes. She was still dressed up in her sparkly Eden clothes. “And if you remember that I am goofy Casey Allen and not Eden Sweden then you’ll remember how much I care about you and how I want to fix it. It doesn’t matter how. I just want to fix it.” She said everything she could say. There was nothing else she could think of. With that, Casey eyed the ground and waited for Carson to say whatever he needed to say so that Casey could run to her bed and cry like she wanted to.

[Carson McGreggor H6]

It hurt Carson to see Casey crying, it really did. It seemed like two sides of him were arguing once more, making him once again split between two tough descisions. He could either grab her right now and kiss her until the tears disappeared, which was what he really wanted to do at this point. But the stubborn, Scottish anger driven side of Carson stopped him from doing exactly this. He simply crossed his arms and refused to look her in the eyes. He didn’t want this to be happening. He didn’t want Eden to be Casey. They had always seemed vaguely similar, but Carson had never been smart enough to make the connection between the two beautiful young ladies. Carson had never expected that Casey would ever lie to him. He had always been on his toes, always doubting that he was treating such an amazing girl with the care and respect she deserved. Never did he expect that she would have a secret. He never thought that she would be the one to betray him.

Carson turned away. He didn’t want to see her cry. Even though he didn’t want to admit it, it was painful to know that she was in pain and he was the one that was causing it. He’d never seen her this upset before. The only other time he had ever seen her cry was at Ethan’s funeral, and even that wasn’t nearly as bad as this. She was balling. Carson swallowed hard, feeling the anger pulse through his veins. He didn’t want to be this angry with her, but he couldn’t help himself. He was hurt. And instead of expressing actual hurt, Carson got angry. Really, really angry. “Well you were right about one thing, Casey. It did ruin everything. How am I supposed to trust you anymore?”

She had just slapped him in the face. Figuratively speaking of course, not literally. He was wondering when the subject of their last holiday would come into play. He remembered the day all too clearly. Hanson had angered Carson to a point where he just wanted to beat him down. And so he did. And then to top it all off, they took Casey. They took the one thing that was important to him, so he snapped. Just like now. All he wanted was for things to be perfect between them. But that couldn’t be, because now Casey lied to him. She had been lying to him ever since they had first met. Carson didn’t know what to do about this. He couldn’t be cool about it. He just didn’t have that kind of strength. He was even angry at himself for being too stupid to realize what was going on right before his eyes. Then there was the jealousy thing where Carson was angry that Ezzie got to know the big secret but Carson wasn’t important enough to know what was going on.


“Oh so now I’m crazy? At least I’m not the one having an identity issue!” Carson exclaimed angrily knocking yet another thing over as he stalked outside to his own room where he began beating the stuffing out of his punching bag. Carson sighed, clearly exasperated at Casey’s entrance. She really did seem sorry. He sat down on his bed and let out a long sigh, running his fingers through his matted curly hair. That mess desperately needed to be combed. But that was beside the point now. He finally took the time to look at her. He looked closely for minutes at a time, taking in the entire sight that was a mixture between Casey Allen and Eden Sweden. He sighed, finally calming down just a bit. “Look. I need time. I dunno if I’m ready to accept this. Just…I guess I see where you’re coming from, but I need some time to think. And you know me and Julie need the money, so I’ll stay. But I need some alone time right now.” He told her in a tone of curprising calmness. Suddenly, a serious looking Ezzie appeared from behind Casey. “C’mon Case. Let’s go. We’re about to hit the road again. You’re dad’s in your room. He wants a word.”

((so, this could be another end or we can continue this as an Ezzie/Casey fight aftermath post. Either way I’m happy.))

[Casey Allen G5]

It was over. Even if Carson didn’t end it tonight, Casey felt like it was over. And it was all her fault. Carson hate being lied to and Casey kept the biggest secret of her life from his. He had reason to be bad. Casey couldn’t say that he wasn’t being unreasonable because he wasn’t. Maybe he was taking it a little bit overboard but he was mad. When Carson was mad, it was quite possible that the ground beneath your feet could crumble. And Casey knew that. She should have told him from the beginning then none of this would be happening, but she didn’t. She hid it from him like a little five year old. Casey had been a scardy cat and now she couldn’t fix it. Carson wasn’t about to forgive her not now at least. Casey created this mess and now she had to deal with it. Nothing could make her feel better. Carson was mad, Ezzie could be mad and Bradley wasn’t about to be happy about the whole thing. Carson and Casey were yelling so loud, it was possible that London could have heard. Casey hoped the boys were doing everything in their power to distract her. Casey sighed hoping that she wouldn’t have to talk to London about keeping her mouth shut once this was all over.

Casey winced at Carson’s words. He was right. “I dunno Carson. I really don’t. But you know I’ll do whatever it takes.” Casey just wanted to leave. Nothing she could do could fix this. She just wanted to run away like a little girl. Another tear streaked her face. She eyed Carson who liked like ten different kinds of angry. Casey hated knowing that she was the cause of it. Casey scuffed with her shoes to the ground lightly, trying to distract herself. She was shaking all over and she couldn’t help it. She would give herself three more minutes before she ran away. That was all she could handle. She just wanted to run in her room and cry up a storm. But that would have to wait for now. She had a lot of loose ends to begin to fix before she could cry herself to sleep.

Now, Casey was getting angry because Carson was taking it to that level. “I don’t have an identity issue! But you have a jealousy problem!” Uh-oh. “Carson. I was afraid. We started dated faster than I thought and I couldn’t just tell you out of the blue. I got scared and I kept it from you but seriously when was I supposed to tell you? Do you honestly think you would have acted differently then than you are now?” She asked seriously. Casey sighed when he said he needed time. Carson had calmed down but now Casey was mad. “Maybe you shouldn’t bother.” She said not really meaning it. “Take your time and think if you must but I’m not going to stop being Eden Sweden. Things will be the same Carson. I’m not going to change that for you so remember that when you’re thinking.” She said angrily. She was about to leave when Ezzie came in. “Okay.” Casey nodded. She stormed out of them looking flashing a sad glance to Ezzie. She didn’t look back at Carson. She didn’t want to see any kind of look on his face. She just wanted to get out of them.

Casey had fresh tears streaking down her face when she entered her room. She let them fall as she jumped face down on to her pillow. Bradley sat in the chair in the corner of the room. “I’m sorry kiddo.” He said seriously. Casey turned around. “Don’t you mean ‘I told you so’?” She asked. Bradley shook his head as he got up and sat down on the edge of the bed. “No. I really am sorry.” He told her. “You should have handle it differently Casey but it wasn’t all your fault. You should have told him a while ago, but you can’t change who you are.” Casey sighed letting another tear fall. “Sometimes I want to.” She confessed. Bradley sighed. “Look darling. Eden Sweden or no Eden Sweden you are still an awesome singer and person. Carson can’t take that away from you. You’re talented without Eden. You never needed her. She’s just there to keep you normal. And when the day comes where you don’t want her, then she can be gone in an instant. You just have to say the word and your cover is blown.” Casey nodded. “I don’t think that day is too far off.” She admitted. Bradley nodded. “Good.” He said simply before leaving the room. Casey sighed and let another tear fall before she turned back to her pillow. What a bad ending to a perfectly good tour.

((Done. Well this post at least. ))