She Drives Me Crazy ((Closed))

[Mackenzie Holden]

((This post is in an odd format. Italics are the song lyrics.))

Tommy was getting married today and Mack wasn't invited. Well, that wasn't particularly true. She had been invited. He had invited her after lunch, but she had declined the invitation. She didn't think it would be appropriate for her to show up. She didn't think Nicole would appreciate that. Mack had expected everyone in G-Major to be heading over to the wedding, she had expected that he would have no one to talk to all day. What she hadn't expected was that the studio would be in an uproar. The furniture moved out of the main area, lights being set up, a DJ area and refreshment table, along with a small love-seat table with a giant white heart behind it. It didn't take Mack long to realise the reception was going to be held at G-Major. Well, there went her plan on working on some music.

Technically, though, she couldn't really work on music because... well, in all honesty she wasn't signed to a label and it was quite possible that Nelson would throw out any music she came up with pre-re-signing and Mack didn't want to waste any energy or inspiration on a song that wouldn't get anywhere, or be heard by anyone. That hadn't completely stopped her from writing a melody, though, and that led to lyrics - and regardless of whether or not Mack wanted to, she had a song in her hands before she fell asleep the night before. She, of course, couldn't record it but she had planned on singing it for Kyle perhaps. He would at least appreciate it, seeing as he was the only appreciating her being back in general.

The moment she had stepped into G-Major, though, that thought was blown from her mind. Everyone was running around getting ready, wearing nice Sunday attire. She felt something knot in her stomach as she stepped further into the area. No one seemed to notice she was there. In her head, her melody began playing and she began to sing in her head - a reflex to any familiar music she heard; Snow falls on the city, white on white. It's the colour of hope, on an unforgiving night... Mack tucked her hair behind her ear and began to walk around the area, dodging someone holding a tray full of champagne glasses. Her arms folded instinctively and protectively over her chest, she felt so out of place in the one place that had been her home so many years ago.

G-Major had seen Mack at her worst and at her best. It had seen her rise to the top, fall to the bottom with Jack, and take on her father. It had seen her when she was happiest, liveliest, and when she was depressed, suicidal, and angry. It had seen every shade of Mack, from red, to orange, to blonde. It had seen her music talents and styles change from mainstream pop to 20s recreate. She just hoped it would be able to see her new sound, her new life. But how could that happen if she felt so empty inside now that she was standing in the very heart of it? Mack's blue eyes took in Kyle pacing back and forth as he went over everything that he was supposed to say; which wasn't much. Kwest was tying his bow tie in a mirror as he recited his best man's speech to himself, no one listening.

You kissed me into ruins, sin on sin. Now I've gotta love your love letters, written on my skin... Mack started to climb the stairs to the upper level, her heeled boots barely clicking on the steps. No one was paying attention to her. It was Tommy's day, they didn't want to have to worry about anyone else. Mack was okay with that. She really was. Wasn't she? Her eyes wandered around the upper level which held all the moved furniture; the orange couch, the coffee table, even the electric keyboard. She trailed her fingers over the keys as she sat down onto the couch and pulled the keyboard into her lap; pressing the keys down lightly, but hearing no sound from them. It was turned off. She wouldn't turn it on until she was certain everyone was gone. This was Tommy's day. Not hers.

[Mackenzie Holden]

Soon enough, the sounds did fade from below. The front door opened and closed numerous times. In a span of ten minutes, Mack was left alone in the giant G-Major studio. The wedding was starting soon, then. Another dull thud in her stomach made her finger pause on the keyboard as it went to turn the instrument on. I can't tell the stars from the downtown lights...if I said I was truly over you, my heart would say 'amen,' but I would give into the cold caress of 2 a.m... The song she had written was for Jack. Mack hadn't been willing to admit it the night before as she wrote it. She convinced herself that it was a story she had thought up and she was being the story teller. But sitting on the orange couch, the same orange couch that had soaked up her fallen tears over the boy; she realised that the song was in fact about Jack and for Jack, and in essence, was Jack.

The boy had broken her heart into a million pieces, and she hadn't gotten over it... she had thought she had. She had lived her life accordingly, but there was always a part of her that was missing from it. If I admit I can't get used to this, will my heart break again? As I fall into the waiting arms of 2 a.m... Mack blinked back tears as she pushed the 'on' button for the keyboard, then she trailed one single finger down a key and let the resounding sound fill her ears. She breathed in deeply and began playing from where she was leaving off in her head, just over the chorus and into the second verse; "Someone's scratchy music through the walls, sirens weavin' through the streets, I must have missed your call..." The piece was purely piano, no drums, no guitar. It was instrumental; supposed to be this way, soft and gentle and so desperately heart breaking.

"Gathering up these nights, black on black. I know your voice like its my own, and it makes my heart go slack. I can't tell the stars from the downtown lights...if I said I was truly over you, my heart would say 'amen,' but I would give into the cold caress of 2 a.m. If I admit I can't get used to this, will my heart break again? As I fall into the waiting arms of 2 a.m..." Then came vocalising and Mack really wasn't feeling into it, and so she skipped it; continuing to just play. Letting her eyes fall shut as she thought about all of the memories with Jack. Tommy's wedding had really made Mack think about these sorts of things, these things that she had buried deep within herself for years and years. She hadn't wanted to think about Jack - he had destroyed her. She couldn't bring herself to allow herself to feel destroyed again. But Tommy getting married woke something up in Mack.

She couldn't trust herself in another relationship simply for the fact that she wasn't completely over Jack. This song was her closure. It had to be. "Oh, if I said I was truly over you, my heart would say 'amen,' but I would give into the cold caress of 2 a.m. If I admit I can't get used to this, will my heart break again? As I fall into the waiting arms of 2 a.m.." Mack brought her playing down to a slow, quiet thrum as she neared the end of the song. Her breathing slowed as well, and she nearly whispered the last line of her song; "Of 2 a.m..." The music dwindled as her fingers felt dead, the sob rising her throat and chest, the tears burning her eyes. She left her hands, shaking, on the keyboard, and she took several shaking breaths. This was what she needed. She needed to be over him. She needed to be over Jack Rendel.

"Wow..." Mack's eyes snapped open and she looked up. Tommy stood in front of her, at the top of the stairs. He looked strikingly debonair in a tuxedo with a single pink rose in his breast pocket. His hair was gelled nicely, and he looked picturesque. Mack wiped at her tears quickly and pushed the keyboard off her to stand, pulling a smile onto her face, "Look at you! Never thought I'd see the day when Little Tommy Q. wore a tux!" He chuckled lightly and shuffled uncomfortably, looking down at his dress shoes. Mack smiled and crossed her arms over her chest, "You look nice, Tom." He looked back up at her and smiled before closing the gap between them to pull her into a hug. She wrapped her arms around him and breathed in his scent, "You're going to make her really happy, you know." Tommy laughed and nodded before pulling away. Mack looked up at him and then pushed him lightly toward the stairs, "GO! Before she thinks you left her at the alter..." Tommy took one more look at her, kissed her cheek, and then hurried down the stairs. Mack followed him to the railing and leaned on it, watching him hurry out into the sunlight.

It was about Jack...right?

((Lyrics by Alexz Johnson: listen to it here. I suggest you listen to it. It's gorgeous.))

[Mackenzie Holden]

"It was a fantastic wedding, don't you think?" There were voices around her, but Mack didn't open her eyes to see who was talking. Their foot steps were on the stairs to the loft. After she had seen Tommy off, Mack had returned to the couch, lay down and fallen asleep. She had suddenly felt extremely exhausted, whether or not it was because of her body needing sleep or she was just too emotional, Mack couldn't tell. Regardless, as people started filtering into G-Major for the reception, she started to wake up. She didn't think anyone would come up into the loft, though, and so when the voices started growing nearer - Mack had decided to stay still and quiet so no one would spot her. "Yeah," another voice now replied, "Nicole was beautiful, but did Tom seem...?"

"Distant? Yeah, a bit. I noticed it, too." The voices were right beside her now, Mack held her breath, being perfectly still. "I could have sworn he almost didn't say 'I d..." The voice trailed off and the footsteps stopped, "Mack?" Crap. She had been spotted. She lifted her hand and rubbed her eyes before turning over and looking at who had entered the loft. Kyle stood in front of her, he was the one who had been speaking about Tommy almost not saying 'I do.' Beside him was someone that Mack hadn't met, and he was the second voice in the mixture. He looked older than Kyle, by quite a bit, but Mack figured he was another artist for G-Major. She "stifled" a yawn and sat up on the couch, looking at Kyle and his friend, "Hi... what time is it?"

Kyle looked at his watch, "Ten after 8. The reception's started..." Mack ran her fingers through her short hair, fixing it as best as she could. Kyle sat down beside her and casually placed his arm on the back of the couch behind her, as the other man stayed standing. "Oh, so the wedding was good, then?" Mack asked, trying to seem merely curious and not like she was riding on the answer. Kyle nodded, "Yeah. It was nice. Brady and I - this is Brady Maher by the way, he's a relatively new artist here; Brady this is-" But Brady spoke up before Kyle could finish; "Mackenzie Holden, yes, I do know who she is.." Mack sent him a small smile. It was nice to still be recognised, even if she was a has-been. "Yeah, anyway, Brady and I were just talking about how Tommy seemed almost hesitant to say 'I do.'"

Mack looked over at Kyle with slight shock on her face, "But he seemed so excited when I saw him before he headed over to the church..." Brady and Kyle both then looked at Mack sharply, as if she had just told them the news of the century. "What?" She asked, looking wary and inching away from Kyle and his intense gaze. They both didn't say anything for a moment, and then Brady took the other seat beside Mack and began to explain why they were both so shocked.

"Tom came in late..." He had a different accent, Irish maybe or Scottish, Mack couldn't tell, but it was different than the usual British accents at G-Major, "When we asked where he had been, he had said something along the lines of being stuck in traffic. There wasn't any traffic, so we knew he was lying but we didn't know what about." Mack frowned and looked at Kyle, who was nodding in agreement. That was odd. She could understand lying to Nicole about why he was late, but lying to Kyle and Brady? Wasn't that a bit unnecessary. She tucked her hair behind her ear.

There was a loud noise downstairs and they all looked up as if to see what the commotion was about. Of course, they couldn't because they were sitting on a couch out of the way, so Mack stood and walked over to the railing to peer down at the guests below. The front doors of G-Major had just opened and Tommy and Nicole were pouring through them. When I say pouring, I mean pouring. Nicole's dress was big enough to fit fourty women inside of it, complete with ruffles, a big train and long veil, and extensive beadery. Mack's eyes actually bulged from her head.

Tommy married that?

[Mackenzie Holden]

"You know what would be really cool?" Kyle began as he stood beside Mack on the railing. She looked at him, nervous. His ideas were always bad ones. "If you sang the song for their first dance." Mack shook her head and stepped away from the railing. "Why not, Kenze? It'd be fun! And Tom would love it!" She shook her head again and headed back to the couch, collapsing on it with no intention of getting up again any time soon. If Nicole and Tommy saw her up there, things could get bad. "It'd be an old one, and it would give Nelson a look into how much you've grown as a singer." Kyle was still trying to convince her to sing, and Mack found herself wavering as she thought about it. It could be like her wedding present to them. A song for them to dance to. And Kyle was right. It would make Nelson open his eyes.

"I don't have anything appropriate to wear," she told him, feeling relieved slightly. If she couldn't get dressed, she couldn't sing. End of story. "Don't worry about it," Kyle said as he pulled her to her feet and started to lead her down the hall toward the dressing room areas, "Libba Riordan, she's a new artist here, I'm sure you'll meet her later, she has anything and everything you could ever need in her dressing room. And you two look about the same size." Mack smirked. What did Kyle Tepp know about girls dress sizes? He pushed her into the room and flicked on the light. "Take a look around. You have ten minutes." He then closed the door and Mack found herself alone in some other musician's dressing room. She bit her lip and pulled herself together. It would get Nelson to notice her. She needed that. So, perhaps her doing this was a very selfish reason - but Mack needed to be selfish right now.

With another deep breath, Mack began to look through the dresses. After a moment, she settled on a very pretty silky grey evening gown with fake pearl straps. She changed into it and looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair didn't look right with the dress. After a quick rummaging through the drawers in the vanity, she found a crystalline rose clip and pinned the right side of her hair up. Now, shoes. If this Libba girl wore the same size dress as she did, did that mean she wore the same size shoe? Time to find out. Mack picked up a pair of strappy heels with clear straps studded with rhinestones. She found they were a perfect fit, and she chuckled. Everything was too easy. It meant the show wasn't going to be any good. That was how it always happened.

What song would she sing? An old one. Preferably one not about Tommy. She bit her lip. That was impossible. All of her old love/slow songs were about Tommy. Alright. So, a new one. One she didn't plan on making into an album. One that she had written for herself. She would have to play, too. Without the band. Mack pulled open the door and stepped out to see Kyle twirling his drumsticks, that expectant grin on his face. Mack looked at him, "Uhm...why don't you just watch the show tonight, okay? You won't know this song... I can do it on my own." Disappointment riddled across his face and Mack put her hand on his arm, "Next time, I promise." Kyle nodded, kissed her cheek, and then began leading her toward the stairs. He pushed a microphone into her hands, "Begin singing as you descend. We have to make Nelson notice you straight off. Don't start singing until the lights dim." Mack went to ask him if he had told Tommy but he was already rushing off to worry about the electronics.

She felt foolish and alone at the top of the stairs as she waited for the lights to dim.

Finally, they did.

[Mackenzie Holden]

People stopped talking at the dimming of the lights and a confused murmur rushed over the crowd. Mack took a deep breath and lifted the microphone to her lips, but she didn't sing. She made her way down the stairs gently, carefully so she wouldn't snap her ankles; "So, uhm, I was really just tossed into this thing, like a lamb tossed to the lions..." she chuckled nervously as a spot light found her. She blinked, lifting her free hand to shield her eyes before she took another step on the stairs, stumbling slightly. "Right. Well, uhm, for those who don't know me... I'm Mack Holden, hi. Tommy and I have been best friends for years, or rather... were before I disappeared. He was my producer and my confidante," she reached the bottom of the stairs and smiled over at Tommy who was sitting beside Nicole, both looking dumbfounded; Nicole looking a bit pissed. "Can...can we put the light on them please?" The spotlight shifted to them and immediately Nicole put on a bright smile and snuggled up close to Tommy, "Anyway, Tommy deserves this happiness and I'm really glad he found it. I was a bit late in hearing about the engagement and I couldn't make the wedding. So, I didn't have time to buy a wedding gift either... so, uhm..."

With another smile she hurried over to the stage and sat down at the piano, putting the microphone in the holder, "This is for you guys. Consider it your song." She locked gazes with Tommy for a moment before her fingers pressed into the keys on the piano, playing out the melody slowly. When she opened her mouth to sing, she was happy that her voice came out as lovely as it did: "Wake up, wake up...I don't wanna wake you. Oh, sun be too bright, so it can wake you. Oh, sun follow through, follow through, follow through..." The song was a nice melody, almost as if the sun were rising to wake you up with subtle kisses. She had written it specifically for that feeling. She continued to watch Tommy (and Nicole) as she sang, "Sit up, come you...so I haven't made you. Oh, rain for too long...so I can keep you. Oh, rain, don't follow through, follow through, don't follow..." She watched as Tommy held out his hand for Nicole and she took it, stood from her seat and allowed him to lead her out into the dance floor. The guests cleared for them and they found their way into a slow, graceful, dance of a married couple.

"You're golden. You're gold, aren't you? You're golden. You're gold, aren't you? To me, there's gold in you. To me, there's gold in you." Mack had to tear her eyes away as they danced close, and so she sought out Nelson with her eyes. He was leaning against the wall with a champagne glass in his hands, his eyes watching her steadily. She wasn't sure if she saw disgust on his face, or intrigue. "Sleep in, sleep in...don't wanna wake you. Heartbeat, don't beat too loud...it might just break you. To follow you, follow you, follow you..." Nelson raised her champagne glass to her and took a drink and Mack took that as a relatively good sign. Her eyes drifted again, as her fingers continued to play over the keys, to find Kyle arguing with a dark hair beauty. That must be Libba, because she was pointing to Mack and then to her own clothes. Ah. So Libba wasn't happy. "You're golden. You're gold, aren't you? You're golden. You're gold, aren't you? To me, there is gold in you. To me, there is gold in you..." Kyle stroked Libba's cheek, but Libba swiped his hand away. Mack blinked and almost missed her next cue, but caught herself in time.

"Yeah, there's gold in you. You've got some gold in you. You've got some gold in you. You're golden. You're golden. You're golden. You're golden, yeah. You're golden. You're gold, aren't you? You're golden..." Kyle tried to say something but Libba stalked off. He then looked up at Mack and saw her looking and she quickly shifted her gaze back to Tommy and Nicole who were happily dancing. Still. God, she needed to get out of there. She was happy the song was almost at an end. "To me, there's gold in you." Mack sang, closing her eyes as she really felt it rise from inside her. Yeah, this song had been about Tommy (or Jack, she wasn't sure) but now it belonged to Tommy and Nicole. They deserved it, or at the very least... "To me, there's gold in you..." Tommy did.

((The song, Golden, is from Alexz's new solo debut album. It can be found here for listening. I highly recommend it. It's quite pretty.))