Post by dawn on Aug 20, 2008 3:42:31 GMT
'I will not be like him, I swear I am not him. I am nothing like him. I will not end up like a self centered imbecile who is constantly at war with himself. I will not make 'friends' just for business. I will not expect things back from someone I do favors for. I will not be scum. I will not be filth working behind the law for my own fortune. I will not fall under the will of my own mind and succumb to a century long business that creates me as a person to be feared, and not liked for my own personal disclosure. I will not be the person he was. I will not be an alcoholic. I will not be a thief. I will not be a liar. I will not be a killer!' Dawn's mind soared as she sat in her private den in the McGrogan Manor. She had a quill in hand as she wrote down each thought that crossed her mind the last few minutes. The quill was so full of ink stray droplets flew randomly over the paper as she feverishly finished her list. The den was dark, only scarcely lit by a candle beside her lighting the parchment and leaving a glow on her face which bore a sheen to her cheeks. Her eyes were weary and water bound as she clenched them tightly together trying her hardest not to let a tear slip from her. Biting her lip she exhaled with a tightening of her shoulders. This was a bad evening for her. Cole was out and Dawn didn't know when he would come back. She didn't care either at this moment. This moment was entirely hers to sort out and she could not, and would not share it with anyone else.
Dawn's mind, heart, and voice seemed to had been bottled up for years since her father's death, and she took over the family business. When he died, she felt like it was the only road she could travel down. Since her father had trained her since her fifth year to follow in her footsteps, at such a young age, she couldn't think of any other route to go down after school. She felt pre-destined. And since his death, she felt like she had to do to this as a last and final wish for him. She felt like she was programed to work for her family; to lead, to carry on, to dig a deeper hole. She was the only female who had ever taken on the job, which showed as an asset in her father's eyes. But, not until the last few months as this wore on Dawn as a born curse. She was being used. 'First female. Most important. Can't fail. Wont fail. All or nothing. Life or Death.' Her thick father's voice rang through her head, as her hand went back to scribbling on the parchment. He words screwed together like a sentence without spaces. She was lost. She felt hopeless. She finally felt like she was someone different. She didn't like the idea of carrying on the family business. She didn't like the idea of going into the black market and selling Dark items. She didn't like dealing, trading, and punishing if her demands weren't met. She was raised to feed off of power. To demand it, expect it, and create it. And if it did not happen with ease, she would push anything out of her path to make it so. Dawn wasn't as ruthless as she was in Hogwarts anymore. She once was part of a group called 'the Queens of Slytherin'. She wasn't a Queen back then. She was merely a pawn disguised as an asset. She was seen as a higher person of society by the fear she instilled. And things she did to demand respect. And now to this day, with her 'job', she still did such things. Which she loathed every minute of.
It killed her inside to see the faces of the people she stoned for punishment. She couldn't handle the pressure. She couldn't continue to do what her 'family's job description' told her to do. She had ruined too many people's lives. She had created terror in cities just for revenge. She had lost her older sister to this, family... that she was now finally seeing the evil in it, when Rachel saw it at such a young age. What took Dawn so long? It was as if the devil had glasses on her all through her life. She had no idea what she was seeing was wrong. She had no idea what she was doing was wrong. She was brought up to believe that what they did was right and had to be done to keep equilibrium. But no, it didn't need to be done. It was an atrocity to be continued. She couldn't be a demon any longer. She couldn't be the person she once was. Realizing the fact of the matter was that, as you grow up you change. And Dawn's changes always were changes that shook the earth.
Change. It is inevitable. Brought up as a clone of her father, she wished she had a mother to balance out on. She never received compassion, so she was never one to give it. She never received love, so she never was one to feel it. She was never to receive trust, warnings, or forgiveness, or appreciation, so why would she ever give them? Now, the person she was now was just that. She loved, she cared, she trusted; she did and felt all these things and more. She was a completely different person than she was when her father was alive. And the reason was all focused in on one thing, Cole Waters. He dealt with her attitude, her arrogance, her temper, and her pain all brought on from her father and twisted it all around into a positive outlet. After years of being together, he was the one to mold her into the person she was today; separated from her father. The one on the verge of tears, on the verge of a melt down. And still she continued to feel pain from this epiphany because of him. His damned addiction to power. Something they both had a like, at least back then. How could she tell Cole she quits her predestine life, when he is currently going through the pain of falling for the love of power over continuing to put time into the relationship with Dawn? Their latest fight had been about pushing past the power he thrived to learn by his uncle. His constant tips out to study and practice. His mind, body, and spirit being drained by the effort he gave to his addition, not to himself. He lived off the ability to rule, to conquer. When now, the thing Dawn was raised with at the tips of her fingers, within seconds was about to throw it away. It had defeated her. And she was afraid she was going to defeat Cole.
No matter how much he didn't admit it, Dawn knew he was envious of the work Dawn put in at such a young age. And now, several years older than Dawn was when she began she studies and practices with her father; was not gaining it quickly. Her young mind was easy to manipulate and what made it so easy for her to do spells. Cole was older, and more adult. He also had Dawn blocking his train of thought. The two constantly fought about their relationship or his relationship to gaining power. Cole promised he would be good from now, until after the wedding. But what would happen when all of the ceremonial stuff settled down, and the two were set on putting their new life in order. He would beg for time to separate. Usually Dawn would understand, but she wasn't exactly sure if she wanted him to fall down the path she wandered down and get into a rut like her. Of course he wouldn't see it, but she would. He had a kind heart like her, and you can't mix oil and water. As in comparisons, Dawn was bad turned good, Cole is good trying to turn bad. The one thing popped into mind that Dawn cringed about. The though was magnets. Polar opposites.
Opening her eyes, a single tear escaped the corner of her right eye falling quickly to her chin. Her eyes quickly read over the parchment in front of her. She would not, and could not go on. She wouldn't be a menace any longer. She would not thrive off of pain of others. She wouldn't do it. But how could she tell her fiance whose every breath was half for Dawn, and half for power? Would he understand?
Dawn's mind, heart, and voice seemed to had been bottled up for years since her father's death, and she took over the family business. When he died, she felt like it was the only road she could travel down. Since her father had trained her since her fifth year to follow in her footsteps, at such a young age, she couldn't think of any other route to go down after school. She felt pre-destined. And since his death, she felt like she had to do to this as a last and final wish for him. She felt like she was programed to work for her family; to lead, to carry on, to dig a deeper hole. She was the only female who had ever taken on the job, which showed as an asset in her father's eyes. But, not until the last few months as this wore on Dawn as a born curse. She was being used. 'First female. Most important. Can't fail. Wont fail. All or nothing. Life or Death.' Her thick father's voice rang through her head, as her hand went back to scribbling on the parchment. He words screwed together like a sentence without spaces. She was lost. She felt hopeless. She finally felt like she was someone different. She didn't like the idea of carrying on the family business. She didn't like the idea of going into the black market and selling Dark items. She didn't like dealing, trading, and punishing if her demands weren't met. She was raised to feed off of power. To demand it, expect it, and create it. And if it did not happen with ease, she would push anything out of her path to make it so. Dawn wasn't as ruthless as she was in Hogwarts anymore. She once was part of a group called 'the Queens of Slytherin'. She wasn't a Queen back then. She was merely a pawn disguised as an asset. She was seen as a higher person of society by the fear she instilled. And things she did to demand respect. And now to this day, with her 'job', she still did such things. Which she loathed every minute of.
It killed her inside to see the faces of the people she stoned for punishment. She couldn't handle the pressure. She couldn't continue to do what her 'family's job description' told her to do. She had ruined too many people's lives. She had created terror in cities just for revenge. She had lost her older sister to this, family... that she was now finally seeing the evil in it, when Rachel saw it at such a young age. What took Dawn so long? It was as if the devil had glasses on her all through her life. She had no idea what she was seeing was wrong. She had no idea what she was doing was wrong. She was brought up to believe that what they did was right and had to be done to keep equilibrium. But no, it didn't need to be done. It was an atrocity to be continued. She couldn't be a demon any longer. She couldn't be the person she once was. Realizing the fact of the matter was that, as you grow up you change. And Dawn's changes always were changes that shook the earth.
Change. It is inevitable. Brought up as a clone of her father, she wished she had a mother to balance out on. She never received compassion, so she was never one to give it. She never received love, so she never was one to feel it. She was never to receive trust, warnings, or forgiveness, or appreciation, so why would she ever give them? Now, the person she was now was just that. She loved, she cared, she trusted; she did and felt all these things and more. She was a completely different person than she was when her father was alive. And the reason was all focused in on one thing, Cole Waters. He dealt with her attitude, her arrogance, her temper, and her pain all brought on from her father and twisted it all around into a positive outlet. After years of being together, he was the one to mold her into the person she was today; separated from her father. The one on the verge of tears, on the verge of a melt down. And still she continued to feel pain from this epiphany because of him. His damned addiction to power. Something they both had a like, at least back then. How could she tell Cole she quits her predestine life, when he is currently going through the pain of falling for the love of power over continuing to put time into the relationship with Dawn? Their latest fight had been about pushing past the power he thrived to learn by his uncle. His constant tips out to study and practice. His mind, body, and spirit being drained by the effort he gave to his addition, not to himself. He lived off the ability to rule, to conquer. When now, the thing Dawn was raised with at the tips of her fingers, within seconds was about to throw it away. It had defeated her. And she was afraid she was going to defeat Cole.
No matter how much he didn't admit it, Dawn knew he was envious of the work Dawn put in at such a young age. And now, several years older than Dawn was when she began she studies and practices with her father; was not gaining it quickly. Her young mind was easy to manipulate and what made it so easy for her to do spells. Cole was older, and more adult. He also had Dawn blocking his train of thought. The two constantly fought about their relationship or his relationship to gaining power. Cole promised he would be good from now, until after the wedding. But what would happen when all of the ceremonial stuff settled down, and the two were set on putting their new life in order. He would beg for time to separate. Usually Dawn would understand, but she wasn't exactly sure if she wanted him to fall down the path she wandered down and get into a rut like her. Of course he wouldn't see it, but she would. He had a kind heart like her, and you can't mix oil and water. As in comparisons, Dawn was bad turned good, Cole is good trying to turn bad. The one thing popped into mind that Dawn cringed about. The though was magnets. Polar opposites.
Opening her eyes, a single tear escaped the corner of her right eye falling quickly to her chin. Her eyes quickly read over the parchment in front of her. She would not, and could not go on. She wouldn't be a menace any longer. She would not thrive off of pain of others. She wouldn't do it. But how could she tell her fiance whose every breath was half for Dawn, and half for power? Would he understand?