This is [the new] Me. (closed)

[Esmeralda Mendez]

For the first time in quite a long time, the thought of giving an interview didn't seem quite so terrible. Ezzie felt so much better now, so much stronger. She was now back to eating three decently sized meals a day and went for a quick run around the grounds every night before she went to bed. She hadn't touched that small bag of 'presents' TJ had given her, and she was completely reformed. She loved the feeling of it. Ezzie looked in the mirror and smiled, remembering that sinking feeling she no longer felt when she used to look into the mirror. Ezzie always liked to think that her style and her hair especially were a reflection of what Ezzie was feeling inside. During the past few months (especially last month when Ezzie and Casey weren't talking) Ezzie's style was dark and depressing. She dyed her hair back to the natural raven black it used to be and got bangs to cover her eyes so no one could really see what was going on inside her head through her eyes. She wore long sleeves and all black for a very long time. But now, Ezzie actually felt somewhat happy again. She still woke up every morning with thoughts of Ethan on her mind, and sure she had that occasional dream (or rather memory in the form of a dream) about the day Ethan was killed, but she had come to the conclusion that wherever he was, he was happy and he was looking down upon Ezzie with a smile on his face. She'd realized how very stupid she'd been and how disappointed Ethan must have been to see her in such a miserable state.

But it was time to do some reconstruction. Ezzie was going into overdrive, focusing all her attention on her career and getting it back on its feet. It was time to change her reputation and change herself. She'd already gone down to her record company and told them to delete every single song she'd already recorded. It was a reflection of the old Ezzie; the troubled teen that was always on edge. Ezzie wanted to portray herself in a new way. She wanted little girls to look up to her and want to be just like her. She wanted to be a role model for once. Ezzie remembered going down to Hogsmeade with Casey to practice for their tour. There were fans everywhere, just waiting to see Eden. They looked up to her. Ezzie wanted that feeling too.

So, she began work on her new album right away. She spent an entire day locked in her dorm and just wrote. By the end of the day, she'd had an entire album's worth of songs written in her notebook. The next day, she went down to Hogsmeade and began work on recording some of them. Her first album would be set back majorly, but at least it would be the album she wanted, one that reflected the new her. She tried to get at a new angle when writing the songs. For some, she tried to go back in time. Not literally, of course, but the story behind these songs were taking place while Ethan was still alive, and while they were still dating. Others took place in a sort of alternate reality, one where Ethan was still alive. It was a big change, but it was a change for the better. Ezzie wanted the public to know that.

And to celebrate this big change, Ezzie dyed her hair. Again. She also went shopping and went through an extreme style change. The color pink was now featured in many of her clothes, and there was a lot less darkness involved. Now she had clothes with various shades of orange, yellow, and bright green. It was different, but she'd get used to it. And so would the public. And if there was any time at all to test the public's reaction, it was now, during this interview. So, since there was barely any time left until the carriages arrived, Ezzie made her way down the stairs and onto the grounds, where she had a private carriage reserved for her.

Once she arrived at Hogsmeade, she was immediately greeted by flocks and flocks of reporters. There were people everywhere, and not just reporters, but bystanders and fans as well. Ezzie smiled warmly at them, despite having the obvious knowledge that they were simply waiting to see what she'd do next. It seemed that almost every time Ezzie visited the village, major drama would occur. She couldn't help it really, it was simply in her nature. Ezzie shook hands with some of the reporters, and even stopped to give them a few comments and quotes. "Miss Mendez, can we get a statement?" One reporter asked impatiently. Ezzie merely smiled charmingly at the woman, even though her past self would have yelled and run away. "All I can say for the moment is that I'm back. I've got a much better hold on my life and plan on making a full recovery." She said with a small smile before walking into the Three Broomsticks. It seemed Madame Rosmerta had been expecting her, for she smiling and pointed to an open door in the back of the pub. Ezzie was all too familiar with that room by now.

[Esmeralda Mendez]

When Ezzie entered, the room was filled with only three people. Two reporters, and Alyssa Dynes, Ezzie's agent. Ezzie hadn't seen Alyssa in a while, but they kept in touch. If anything, Alyssa was more of a mother to Ezzie than anyone was, since Amanda was always out with her family and Elena with the church, Alyssa was pretty much the only one Ezzie had left. Ezzie smiled at her and sat down. The reporters that were sitting across from Ezzie were unfamiliar, which was good since every reporter Ezzie had come to know were simply those sleazy annoying ones that never left Ezzie alone. If Ezzie knew a reporter too well, chances are that wasn't a good thing. Ezzie sat down and straightened herself up. There was an awkward silence lingering around the room, and Ezzie really didn't like it all too much. Ezzie was naturally a pretty talkative person, so any kind of silence mainly just freaked her out. Looking nervously at Alyssa from across the old wooden table, Ezzie gulped quietly, preparing herself for the interview. When the moment finally came and the first reporter spoke, Alyssa gave her a wink and a comforting smile and Ezzie knew she'd be just fine.

"So, Ezzie. Tell us. After that shocker of a story you dropped on us just a few weeks ago, how have you been?" Said one reporter calmly, getting her quill ready. Ezzie knew she'd have a lot of explaining to do, for she had basically been hiding out at Hogwarts or at the recording studio ever since that little incident. She sighed, getting ready for her answer. She already knew the question was going to come up sooner or later, so thankfully, she was prepared with an answer. "Well, I'm glad to say I've been doing a lot better. That weekend I had that little outburst, I was at my worst. My grades were plummeting, I wasn't eating...things just weren't great for me. But I'm glad to say I've thrown all that darkness down the drain. I'm putting my life back together...or trying to at least." She said with a smile. The reporter nodded and wrote down some notes.

"And what about this tour we keep hearing about? We all know by now that you'll be heavily involved with Eden Sweden's tour with London Star, but do you think you'll be prepared to sing for such an audience?" The woman raised her eyebrow only slightly. Ezzie's music was known for being dark and edgy, and the countless nine and ten year old's probably wouldn't understand most of the issues that Ezzie discussed in her songs. Most of them just weren't very kid-friendly to say the least. But with all her new songs just getting ready to hit the recording studio, she was sure Ezzie would soon be adored by millions of little kids world-wide. "Well I've actually been thinking about that lately, and decided on re-creating my entire album. The one I started just didn't reflect the person I'm trying to become. That girl....she wasn't me. She was a reflection of all the pain I had been feeling after Ethan died. I mean really, he was and still is the love of my life. How do you get over the fact that someone so important to you has just vanished from the face of the earth?"

Ezzie looked over at Alyssa and noticed tears sparkling in her eyes. She wiped them quickly off her face and smiled warmly at Ezzie. While Alyssa could seem like that hard-as-nails boss you love to hate, she had her sentimental moments where she could be the most caring and thoughtful person in the world. She gave her a small smile before turning back to the reporter. The other one, who seemed to be just taking all this in before now, finally spoke. "So basically you're reformed. Glad to hear it." The man said with a smile. "But what about TJ? Rumor has it that you were with him before the incident, and you were showing signs of drug use." Said the woman with yet another raised eyebrow. At this, Ezzie became uncomfortable. This, was a question she had not prepared for. She hesitated for a moment, wondering how she'd respond. Then, after figuring out what she was going to say, she spoke.

[Esmeralda Mendez]

Ezzie took a deep breath. She couldn't believe she hadn't expected the subject of TJ to come up. She was, after all, hanging on his arm the day Ezzie blew up in front of the media. There were pictures of them together and everything. She even admitted that she might be interested in dating the guy so soon after Ethan's death. It was a tough bit of information to explain and possibly even get around, but right now, a simple stupid unbelievable answer was all she had for the reporter on such short notice. "Well, like I said. I was a mess that day. I wasn't feeling well. I mean, it's what happens when you just refuse to eat for such a long amount of time. You go crazy...literally. T.J. just happened to be there in my time of need and he was there for me when no one else was. He's a friend, and it's simple as that. Like a brother, even." Ezzie said with a reassuring nod. Out of the corner of her eye, she heard Alyssa let out a long but silent sigh of relief.

The reporter, however, did not look convinced. She stared into Ezzie's eyes for one long, drawn out moment, making Ezzie shift in her seat uncomfortably. It was almost as if the reporter was trying to get the rest of the story, or rather the real story in this case from the worried expression in Ezzie's chocolate brown eyes. She cleared her throat as if trying to break such an awkward silence. Finally, the reporter spoke again. "So, you did not use any kind of drug the day you were with T.J. Turner? Not even prescribed medication?" The woman questioned. Ezzie swallowed, remembering the near-empty plastic bag that was sitting inside her trunk deep down below all her robes and personal belongings.

"No. I did not. I definitely was not in my right mind that day, and I bitterly regret that. But that crazy day had nothing to do with drugs or any other substance. It was simply my breaking point. I had had enough. And you know what they say. You have to hit rock bottom before you can start making your way up again. I've learned from my mistakes and now I'm moving on." Ezzie smiled and nodded as if to reassure her point. The reporter smiled and thanked Ezzie and Alyssa for their time and left the room. Ezzie sighed with relief. Alyssa smiled and hugged her tightly. "You did great, kid. Those were some pretty powerful words." Ezzie could still see traces of tears as she looked into Ezzie's brown eyes with her hazel ones. "It's good to have you back, Ezzie. Can't wait for the tour." She smiled warmly at her. Ezzie didn't know what to say. She definitely did feel a sense of completion now that that interview had been taken care of. Now the public knew. Ezzie was back and better than ever. She knew some wouldn't particularly like that, but they'd just have to deal, wouldn't they?

"Listen, I'm going to stay back and have a chat with Rosemerta, but I'll see you at King's Cross when school lets out. Your mother's doing something for her church in the Dominican Republic and won't be back until after your tour. And you know how those crazy Jacobs are. They're always somewhere." Ezzie rolled her eyes. "Of course." Why hadn't her mother even bothered to say goodbye before she left the country? Ezzie was just waiting on the day that Elena would just leave Ezzie's life completely without another word. Ezzie wouldn't really care much. It wasn't like she was around too much anyway. "Hun, I'm sorry." Alyssa said sadly, seeing the hurt expression on Ezzie's face. Ezzie raised her hand to stop Alyssa from continuing. "It's fine. I've got to go. The carriage back is probably going to leave soon." Ezzie said quietly, although both knew the carriages didn't leave for another few hours.

Ezzie didn't wait for Alyssa to respond. She simply walked out of the room and out of the Three Broomsticks. Ezzie had only been outside about a second before she saw that same alley. "I’ll be in that same alley every Saturday in case you ever want to see me again...." echoed T.J's voice in her mind. Ezzie tried to ignore it. While she did want to see him again, she didn't want to get herself into any more trouble after she had already worked so hard to get herself out of it. Ezzie was about to start walking away from the alley when she heard a voice calling to her.

"Thinking about paying your old pal a visit, eh?" Said a confident male voice Ezzie had come to know all too well. Ezzie turned around and held her breath, hoping it wasn't really him. Sadly though, Ezzie had just managed to run into the one person she'd been trying to avoid.

[Esmeralda Mendez]

Ezzie turned around to face T.J. Turner. She knew now that they'd made eye contact, there was no way Ezzie could turn back now. Much like Ethan, TJ had that indescribable irresistible air to him that left Ezzie completely powerless and unable to fight back. Much like Ethan, every time she was around him, her heart jumped and accelerated like Ezzie was running a marathon. She started to sweat and shake, and she just didn't know what to do. When she was around people like TJ and Ethan, she just became so confused. That smart independent young lady who lived her life alone just went flying out the window.

"I might have been. What's it to you, Turner?" Good. Sarcasm. Ezzie needed to be in control here. Ezzie hated when things were out of her control. She hated leaving things up to fate or some other higher power. And if it was anything she hated more than not being in control, it was losing her control to a guy she might have feelings for. What are you talking about, Ez? You can't possibly think you're interested in him? He's not good for you. You deserve better. Spoke one voice from inside her head. Then she heard another one. Exactly. That's why you like him. Because he's bad for you. Ezzie sighed. At this point, she must have seemed very distant to T.J, since every time she was around him she was listening to those voices in her head evaluating her every move. It wasn't even that these little voices were telling her to do things, no. It was that they were always there, evaluating her and telling her why she felt a certain way. It was a bit weird, but hey, Ezzie had been living with it.

"Well I dunno, I just kind of figured it wouldn't take an entire three weeks for me to see you again." He said with a confident smirk. TJ had been leaning against the wall next to the door she had just come out of. Ezzie didn't know how she hadn't seen him before. The guy was smoking yet another cigarette and his deep brown hair had darkened somewhat. He got off the wall and started to walk toward her. Ezzie just stayed where she was, but looked down, just a bit embarrassed. She looked back up again, and he was standing right in front of her. They were mere inches a part. Ezzie felt her breath catch. She didn't know what to say. She looked around, trying to place something she could focus on, just so she didn't have to focus on his illuminating eyes. It was near dusk, and the sun was beginning to make it's journey west and disappear to give way to the night's sky. Many people had left already, and it hadn't even occurred to Ezzie that someone could look out the window or exit a store and see them, especially outside such a busy place like the Three Broomsticks. "We...we shouldn't be here. Someone'll see us." Ezzie said weakly, growing weak at the knees because of his closeness.

"You're right. Hate to have people butt in." He said playfully, and led her by her hand into the alley where they had met. Ezzie remembered walking around Hogsmeade with Ethan, remembered how close they would be, just walking through the streets and looking in each other's eyes like there was no other person alive, much less in this village. The feeling of holding someone's hand again brought back so many memories; some peaceful and others not so much. But all of them had to do with Ethan. Ezzie took a spot on the wall and TJ leaned over her, both hands on the wall just above each of her shoulders. Ezzie felt a shiver rise up her spine. He was teasing her, she knew it.

"So tell me, feeling better?" He said with a wicked smile. She tried to get herself the courage or even the strength to say something. "Yeah, much actually. Look, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. I wasn't in my right mind, I shouldn't have...I mean..." Ezzie stammered not knowing how to get what she was trying to stay across to him, who did not want to seem to take no for an answer. "You take back saying you'd go out with me." He said simply and bluntly, not moving from the emotionally uncomfortable position he was in. He was quite close to her, he could have pinned her to the wall right now if he wanted.

[Esmeralda Mendez]

Ezzie swallowed hard, trying as hard as she possibly could to get herself to push him off and run away. But she couldn’t, no matter how hard she’d tried to walk away. This was truly her weakness, and this guy had obviously realized that. Ezzie sighed, closing her eyes for a moment as if closing them would somehow help her figure out a way out of this situation. How could Ezzie climb her way out of the hole she’d just been in when all her past monsters kept coming back to haunt her? Ezzie could practically see herself climbing the ladder to success. She’d started out her life at the bottom, and thanks to Ethan she had finally begun to climb the ladder. After he died however, it was like God had taken a chain-saw and cut off the bottom of the ladder, making her fall downward several years. And then, just as Ezzie was growing up and starting to change, TJ Turner appeared out of nowhere and shook the ladder as she pleaded for him to let go and let her climb back up. But TJ wouldn’t let her climb back up the ladder. He just kept pulling her down.

“Well no, it’s not that. Well actually, it kind of is that, but then again it kinda sorta isn’t. You know what I mean?” She looked up at him, so nervous she was at a loss for words. She just kept stumbling all over everything she tried to say. “Of course.” TJ said sarcastically, starting to get just a bit impatient. Ezzie took a deep breath, trying to figure out how to word what she was about to tell him. How could one tell a guy she was interested in him, but was too afraid to be? Ezzie took one more breath before she began to speak again. “Well, it’s really only been a few months since Ethan died. I’m still going through a lot of rough times, here. Plus I’m going on tour this summer, and I’d never see you…” Ezzie let her sentence trail off. She really didn’t know what else to say. Ezzie looked up at him, realizing that his nose was only a few inches away from hers.

Ezzie gulped. “It’s fine. I understand. I could help you out with all those ‘rough times’ of yours and make you feel better, but obviously you don’t want my help…” TJ gave her a teasing shrug, as if enticing her to argue with him, to tell him she needed him. Fat chance. Ezzie wasn’t hooked on the guy….not yet anyway. But with her rotten luck, it would be a matter of time before she really was hooked enough, though, and Ezzie was nothing but terrified at when that moment would happen. Hopefully she could keep away from him long enough to simply get over him. Ezzie found that she was only like this when she was around him. “No, it’s not that I don’t want your help, it’s just that I simply can’t accept it. I’m sorry, T..” Ezzie’s sentence was abruptly interrupted when a soft, heart wrenching, soul melting kiss. It was the most powerful, passionate kiss she’d ever felt. There was more emotion in that kiss than Ezzie had ever felt in her life. Even while she was with Ethan.

Ethan’s kisses felt soft, and lovable. They were packed with romance and love. His kisses could best be described as…cute. Lovable. Romantic. But TJ’s kisses were much different. They almost made you feel sorry you were enjoying them this much. Ezzie felt like her knees were about to buckle because of all the passion in their long, hot kiss. He had her pinned against the wall, just kissing her. He had a balled up a fist full of her soft caramel brown hair with his right hand, and rested his left on the small of her back. His left hand moved slowly down her back until they reached a region just below that. Ezzie, who was too wrapped up in the kiss didn’t seem to notice where his hand was now resting. Either that or she simply didn’t care. It was when she noticed many of her classmates running past the alley, screaming about missing the carriages when Ezzie was taken out of her trance. She pulled away suddenly and removed TJ’s hands so he now had them at his sides. “I have to go. Carriages. I can’t miss them.” Ezzie spoke breathlessly, obviously out of breath. TJ closed his eyes in either annoyance or protest (Ezzie couldn’t tell) and she took it as the que to leave. She was about to turn around when TJ caught her by the forearm. “Wait. Before you leave.” TJ pointed his wand at Ezzie’s forearm, who simply looked at him like he was crazy. Seconds later, ten numbers were marked in multi-colored ink on her arm. He smirked, and with that, Ezzie ran away, barely catching the very last carriage back to school. TJ snarled.

“Damn those carriages. Had her right where I wanted her…” He grumbled under his breath as he walked back into the alleyway to have himself another cigarette.

((END.))