Don't Dream It's Over ((Adam))

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

"I can't believe I allowed you to talk me into coming here with you, Mack. I don't even know exactly why we're here to begin with," Dixie shifted Jamie in her arms as they finished their long trek up to the front doors of Hogwarts. The last time she was there, was when she left for Paris. It left a knot in her stomach as they walked up the steps. Mack bit her bottom lip and turned to her older sister, who was now trying to sooth a fussing Jamie – who turned 5 months old two days ago. Mack felt a sudden wave of guilt wash over her, what was she thinking bringing Dixie along? It wasn't a good idea, especially during the school day, where Adam was most definitely going to be at the school. The chance of him running into his wife, though, was unlikely, right? That's what Mack kept telling herself. That's what Dixie kept telling herself, too.

"I need the transcripts in order to get that job, I was telling you about. And since I never technically finished school here, I had to schedule an appointment with Snape," Dixie raised her eyebrow and Mack smirked, "Who is now the Deputy Head…isn't that awkward? Anyway, you don't have to come in – you can wait out here if you want to, that way Jamie won't disrupt any classes," and that way she wouldn't run into Adam any easier. Jamie crumpled his face as he opened his mouth to begin crying. Dixie frowned and bounced him slightly in her arms, not really doing any good except to make him even more upset. It wasn't a hungry cry, nor a tired cry, it was a releasing energy cry – the cry he sometimes made just to release the pent up energy that he had no other way of releasing. There wasn't anything she could do, but let him cry, and it was then that she knew Mack's suggestion was a good idea; so she nodded her consent.

The door opened to reveal Filch, who was still the caretaker, not looking very happy. Mack smiled and squeezed Jamie's tiny hand before following the hobbling man into the castle, leaving Dixie out on the steps alone with her son. She breathed in deeply and sank down onto the top step, moving Jamie into her lap, his head resting on the bridge between her knees. Jamie continued to cry, and Dixie looked down at her little son, trying to find something to make him feel better. After a moment, Dixie rubbed the back of her finger gently against Jamie's cheek and sang softly, "How long do you want to be loved? Is forever enough, is forever enough? How long do you want to be loved? Is forever enough, 'cos I'm never never giving you up." Jamie continued to cry, but at least he was turned toward her voice now, "I slip in bed when you're asleep, to hold you close and feel your breath on me. Tomorrow there'll be so much to do, so tonight I'll drift into a dream with you," slowly his crying quieted and he looked up at her, silently, with awe and wonder. Dixie smiled brightly down at him, not aware that the door to Hogwarts had opened again.

"How long do you want to be loved? Is forever enough, is forever enough? How long do you want to be loved? Is forever enough, 'cos I'm never never giving you up," Dixie touched the tip of Jamie's nose and he giggled, her smile brightening at the sound of his happiness. "There's a baby…" Jamie held her gaze a moment, and then it moved to something behind her shoulder. Normally, Dixie wouldn't really care, because Jamie usually focuses on things over her shoulder on a normal basis. But there wasn't anything behind her but grey stone wall, and thus Dixie felt apprehensive and she started to get paranoid. Slowly, she looked over her shoulder and what she saw was worse than the stalker she had imagined in her mind.

[Professor Adam Greene]

Another day done, and Adam was thankful. As much as he was content with his job at Hogwarts, he still found it to be a bit overwhelming at times. Not many professors taught two subjects, and though his were electives, he still seemed to have a lot of students. Either it meant he was a good professor or an easy professor. He liked to think it was a mix of the two. Adam didn't believe in being overly tough with students, but he didn't want to be too easy either. He just wanted them to respect him and learn as much as they could in the process. It was his Slytherin nature that kept him ambitious and wanting his students to be ambitious as well.

With his broom in hand, Adam was ready to exit the castle and fly back to his cottage in Hogsmeade. However, when he stepped out the front door, he was very shocked at the sight before him. At first, he thought he was seeing things. Surely it was his imagination. There could be no way in the world that Dixie and Jamie would be sitting on the front steps of Hogwarts. Adam starred in disbelief. Standing there, he simply watched his wife and his son, hating the fact that it felt so bizzare to be standing there watching them. What were they doing there? Had Dixie been waiting for him? Did she want to come back to him? Adam couldn't take his eyes off of the bright blue ones that were now starring back at him. His son was just a few metres away, and Adam wanted nothing more than to reach out and take him, but he knew he could do anything but that.

Then, Dixie turned her head as well.

Words choked in his throat. After having so much that he wanted to say to Dixie, so many questions he wanted to ask her, nothing seemed to surface at the time. Instead, his eyes locked on hers, and the mixed emotions took over. In all of that though, Adam couldn't get Jamie's face out of his mind. Although he had so much he wanted to talk to Dixie about, he continued to stare at Jamie. Their son. His son. The one thing Adam had been so scared about. The one thing that had caused Dixie to reach her limit. But Adam didn't blame Jamie. He didn't hate Jamie for what had happened. It wasn't Jamie's fault. He may have been the center of Adam and Dixie's problems, but it was Adam's fault. It was all his fault that everything had gone so wrong.

"Can I hold him?" His voice was quiet. In that moment, he looked past everything that was wrong. He just wanted one thing to be right.

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

"Oh…" Dixie bit at her bottom lip, her brown eyes never leaving her husband as Jamie squirmed in her arms and started to fuss again. "Uh…" she shifted Jamie better in her arms and stood from where she was sitting, her pencil skirt falling to its correct length as it was magically charmed to do. Jamie started crying again and Dixie bounced him a bit in her arms, her eyes looking at Adam still. A part of her didn't want to let him hold Jamie, because he shouldn't have the right to; but the bigger part of Dixie knew that it would be wrong to not let him. After a moment of deliberation, she smiled softly in an awkward kind of way, "Yeah, sure," she kissed the side of Jamie's head and then slowly and cautiously handed him off to Adam, taking the broom from Adam's hand so he could hold the 5 month old with a stronger grip. She watched as Adam held his one and only son, the same son that drove Dixie to leave him, and she felt her heart melt. Jamie wasn't crying, which was surprising considering he didn't take to strangers kindly, but was instead staring up at his father with wide eyes and wonder in them.

After a moment, Dixie cleared her throat and shifted the weight of her feet from her heels to her toes, so she was rocking back and forth on her feet, and then she looked at Adam, with a small smile on her face; "Want to take a walk? Mack's inside having a meeting with Snape, and I don't know how long she will be. If you don’t want to, it's okay…but I figured I'd throw it out there." Maybe it was what Rae had told her, that she was being incredibly immature about the subject and placing too much blame on Adam and not giving him chances or times, or maybe it was the fact that Mack agreed with her. Or, maybe it was because seeing him made something inside of her spark again; but whatever the reason, Dixie didn't want him to go just yet. Somewhere deep down inside, Dixie knew the real reason she didn't want him to go stemmed from that night at Diablo and her actions that she was now officially ashamed of. She didn't want to be that person again, and Adam was the only one who had kept her from that. It felt nice to feel back in control again, now that Adam was only an arm's reach away from her, holding her son…their son.

"You can continue to hold him, if you want. I'm sure he's enjoying the attention from someone other than me or Mack," Dixie stared imploringly at Adam, her hand gripping the broom a bit harder than she would have liked. Why was she so at ease around him? The answer came almost directly after she posed that question. Because Adam was the one person she trusted with everything. She didn't doubt him loving her, or Jamie for that matter. She didn't doubt him at all, really. She just couldn't deal with the inconsistency he was posing over being a parent. "Come on," she motioned toward the grounds with her head and then started down the steps, her heels clicking on the stone as she walked toward the lake, Adam's broom still in hand. When he was beside her, she looked up at him, smiling softly again; "He's 5 months now, going on 30. Soon he'll be walking, talking, sneaking out to meet girls, et cetera." Her smile brightened as she turned her attention to the grounds as they walked. It was weird to be back, but not unwelcomed. A strong feeling of familiarity was settling over her easily. It felt nice and comforting.

[Professor Adam Greene]

She was the same Dixie, that was for sure. Adam watched her as she handed Jamie to him. It was crazy how everything could change, yet some things never did. These constants in life - they were what kept people sane. When Dixie left, Adam often wondered if anything would ever be the same, and now he had his answer as he looked at his wife. She hadn't changed at all. Even if it was just a few months, he had expected things to be weird. Odd. Different. And... they were different, but he still had more of a peace than he expected, even if he was still more confused than ever.

Adam held Jamie in his hands, pushing his fears as far away as possible. Then, Dixie asked if he wanted to take a walk. Adam didn't answer, but instead he simply followed her. It was still hard to find the right words to say. It seemed Dixie didn't know what to say either, as she started talking about Jamie. Even if he was the best thing that both of them had going for them at the moment, it was still obvious that neither of them knew how to approach to topic of Dixie's leaving. What did this mean for them? Clearly, the divorce meant that there would really be no more them, but they hadn't even talked about the divorce. The papers were signed, and it was just a matter of time before they were nothing more than Adam and Dixie. Not the Adam and Dixie that got through so much together. There would be Adam and there would be Dixie. Two separate people, no longer one. It was a lot to digest, and Adam was still trying to just digest his lunch, let alone the divorce and what it meant for the three of them.

"I'm sure he'll have all the girls after him. I mean, look at those eyes. What girl in her right mind wouldn't stop dead in her tracks after seeing those?" Adam smiled, lightly going along with Dixie's conversation. But, then he stopped. He stopped walking and let out a large sigh. He starred at her for a few seconds before the word-vomit came rushing out. "What are we doing, Dix? What is this? What are we? And how can you just show up here and pretend like nothing happened? I mean... dammit, yell at me or something. Slap me. Hit me. I don't care what you do. But, don't just pretend like we're fine. We're not fine. This isn't fine. I was an idiot, and you left. You left me, and you took Jamie with you. This isn't about pointing blame, but everything is wrong now. Everything's a mess and I don't even think it's fixable this time." No matter how hard he tried to keep his fears at bay, they found their way out in the end.

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

Dixie walked along, silently for a bit, and then she couldn't help but speak. It was as if words would make everything okay. And who knew, maybe they could? But she wasn't about to say the right words that would make everything okay. She didn't know where they could lead, or if they would lead anywhere at all, and she wasn't about to break her heart all over again – not when she was just getting over the extreme pain the heart break before had left her with. "Rae says he has your eyes," Dixie replied without really thinking about what she was saying. The truth was, Jamie looked so much like Adam that Dixie sometimes hurt to look at him. When he was born he hadn’t looked much like either of them, but as he aged, the blonde in his hair became more apparent and his blue eyes became strikingly more and more like Adam's. "I don't think there's a trace of me in there…" her voice had lowered in that last sentence and her eyes fell to her feet on the ground, padding on the dewy grass. She didn't know where they were walking to, it was as if she was on autopilot.

Silence again, and Dixie swept the broom back and forth as they walked, trying to keep her anxiety from rising inside of her. Everything was going okay, it was going actually pretty well. Now, if only they could stay this way and not talk about them, or the divorce, or their relationship – then Dixie could remain strong. She could remain the one who had the right to leave, and not the one who would crumble at the sight of him, who wanted so badly to say 'I made a mistake, I'm sorry. Can we just be happy again?' Of course, though, that couldn't happen. Life always made things harder for Dixie. She stopped walking at Adam's words, and she kept her eyes downcast, trying to keep her mind from whirling around and the words from tumbling out. She wasn't ready for this. Why had fate done this to her?

"Oh, Adam…" Dixie lifted her gaze and then closed her eyes, shaking her head, "Damn, I wish I could yell at you and slap you. But I can't. I haven't the fight in me for it. I'm just…hurt." She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and opened her eyes again, looking up at Adam with a painful expression, "If you want to be slapped, go to my sister, she's all for it. But…these past couple of days…I've been thinking. And there have been people who showed me that I'm placing blame where it shouldn't be placed, not totally." The memories of Rae yelling at her, of calling her immature, flew over her as if they were happening right then – the realization and the pain fresh. It had been Rae's tough love and then Sierra's innocent conversation that had made Dixie realize that things between her and Adam weren't all Adam's fault.

Dixie shrugged and reached her free hand forward, moving to take Jamie's small one and squeeze it gently; "If it is fixable, Adam, it's not easily fixed. And I don't know what we're doing. I don't know. I don't even know how I feel about anything anymore. It's as if ever since I left, my life's been full of uncertainty and gray areas. I wake up each morning, cater to Jamie's needs, try to sketch some new designs, and I can't. I can't do anything! I can't bring myself to do anything! Anything at all, Adam. And that's my fault, not yours. It's my fault for leaving…"

[Professor Adam Greene]

It seemed as though Dixie was having just as hard of a time with things as Adam. Though their struggles were different, Adam could tell it was all the same sort of feelings coming from Dixie. One thing he was able to cling to though was the certainty that she didn’t hate him. She didn’t despise him for how he acted. She didn’t yell at him for his doubts and uncertainties of fatherhood. Though she couldn’t deal with him, though she decided to flee instead of finding a way to push through, Adam knew that she still cared. She still wanted what was best for their son. And that was something he admired in her. And after all of that, it seemed that she might even be willing to let Adam have a part in Jamie’s life. At least that was what he hoped.

“I’m just glad you brought him back.” Adam’s voice was relieved, yet still laced with the obvious pain and regret. “When you left. I didn’t know what to think. I wanted to believe it was just for a bit. I wanted to think that I would still get a chance to be the dad that I was afraid to be.” His eyes were back on Dixie. “You’re not taking him away again, are you? You’re back for good, right?” He knew that her coming back wasn’t a quick fix by any means, but if anything were to be sorted out, she’d have to at least stay. Adam wanted to be a part of Jamie’s life. “I need a second chance, Dixie. As a father at least.”

She was blaming herself, just like Adam blamed himself, but he wasn’t about to get into a discussion about whose fault it was though. He just wanted to enjoy the time he had with his son. It was the first in a while. “Where are you living?” The question was calm. Surprisingly, the entire meeting so far had been fairly lax. Aside from the quick release of steam from both of them, the surreality of it all seemed to make it hard to express the emotions that Adam was feeling.

||Meh... kinda short ||

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

Oh, he wasn't making this easy. Dixie felt her stomach knot up and she closed her eyes briefly, trying to center herself and gain control of her emotions as well as she could. Was she willing to let Adam be a part of Jamie's life? She hadn't ever pictured herself as one of those mothers who kept her son away from his father, but these past couple of months had been absolute hell and she couldn't imagine putting Jamie through the hell of joint custody…or joint anything. The only ways she could see things working out well would be for him to have no contact with his father at all, or for them all to be a family again. It would hurt Adam if she took Jamie away, which was ironic if you thought about it, but becoming a family again wasn't something Dixie was positive could happen – and it would be far worse to enter into a poisonous family than having joint custody. Wouldn't she need to go through with the lesser of two evils then? Her head was spinning.

"I…" his eyes were on her, staring at her with so much emotion in them that they made Dixie break inside, "Oh…I…I guess." The words tumbled from her mouth before Dixie could fully comprehend anything. She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair, "I won't keep him from you, if that's what you mean. And, I suppose in a way that means I'm not really leaving, but…for right now that's really all it can be, I think…" She looked at him and tried to smile gently, trying to make those words which might sting him just as much as they stung her seem less and less stinging. Dixie's hand, instinctively, moved to her sons, taking it in hers and bobbing it up and down as her eyes drifted from Adam's face to Jamie's. He stared up at her. His expression mirroring her own. Confusion.

Dixie looked at Adam again. "Where am I staying would have been a better question. I don't plan on living where I am, right now. I don't think I could deal with being so close to my mother for as long as it would take to live somewhere. I'm staying in Ireland with Mum and Mack. Figured there was nothing for me in Paris this time, and it would hurt too much going back there…especially since Rae and Maddie visit almost regularly. It would be…too nostalgic, I think." She was being very indecisive lately, and she blamed that on her lack of confidence. Normally, Dixie would just end the sentence with an affirmative response, not an 'I think.' It was quite annoying, really, to always be second guessing herself. "I pop into the shop from time to time, though, to see how it's doing. I saw Sierra there the other day, you know."

[It's okay. ]

[Professor Adam Greene]

Dixie didn't sound very sure as she spoke. Adam sensed that she was carefully walking around everything that she said. It was almost as though she feared saying the wrong thing. Maybe she didn't want him getting the wrong idea. After all, everything seemed so civil for the way things were left. Adam was almost half tempted to let himself believe that things were going to be just fine. If he closed his eyes and tried hard enough, maybe he could forget what the two of them had been through in the past months. "It's better than nothing," he said with a shrug at Dixie's answer. Even if he couldn't spend every day with Jamie, having him every now and then was better than not getting to see him at all.

"She's sure growing up, isn't she?" he commented in reference to Sierra. It was hard to believe that his kid sister was going to soon be in her sixth year of Hogwarts. Where was the time disappearing to. It scared him as he looked down at Jamie in his arms. If he didn't fight for his son, Adam knew that the same thing would happen. One minute, Jamie would be small enough for Adam to hold, and the next, he'd be the next student crossing the lake to enter their first year at Hogwarts. Adam wasn't about to let it all slip past him.

"You know you're welcome to come stay at the cottage anytime." Was he stupid to offer this? Was he foolish to believe that they could make things right again? Maybe he was stupid to want things to be right between himself and Dixie. For as much good that there was between them, he couldn't help but remember all the bad. There was a lot of bad. Maybe the future just had more bad for them to outnumber the good. "I mean, that's only if you want to. If you are around for a day or two, it's just Sierra and I. And she's at school for the most part."

Adam looked down at Jamie who was nibbling at his finger. Maybe he was hungry. "Your finger isn't going to curb that appetite," he said with a laugh as he pulled Jamie's finger from his mouth. "Did you eat yet?" he looked back up to Dixie. At this point, he would take any chance he could to prolong his time with Jamie.