Heartbreaker ((Oscar))

[Theo Darke]

'What if I'm fallin' for a heartbreaker,
And everything is just a lie?
I won't be leavin' here alive.
I won't be leavin' here alive.'
-- Heartbreaker, Pink


((Set before the winter holidays after Our Happy Ending?.))

Theo walked through the corridors blindly. He had been walking in circles for hours; from the Ravenclaw tower to the Great Hall, into the grounds and around the Courtyard. Even though his feet were hurting, his legs ached and his eyes continued to sting painfully, Theo still couldn't think straight. It was like a permanent fog had descended over his eyes, preventing him from clear visibility. The irony was that he had just had the truth opened up to him; and yet he couldn't see straight. Hands stuffed into pockets and shoulders shaking from the breaking cold that was settling over the atmosphere since dark was quickly falling too, Theo found his weary legs take him back into the castle. No amount of fresh air could clear his mind and his fingers were growing numb from frost. As his feet stepped back into the building of the school, he barely felt the warmth reach his heart. It was frozen from the events of today. Theo didn't want to feel; he wasn't strong enough to. He needed something; someone; him.

So when he neared the Common Room and saw his familiar figure standing outside the doors, back pressed against the wall and arms crossed defiantly across his chest, Theo's feet came to a shaking halt. His heart throbbed. He hadn't seen him since this morning, just a few hours, but Theo knew things had changed. Oscar. The word echoed in his brain, like a heartbeat, like a pulse of life, and for the first time in hours, Theo felt his brain spark to life with intensity and clarity. It quickly faded, though, when he reminded himself that Oscar was probably less than pleased to see him. However, just watching his boyfriend standing outside the Common Room, waiting for him, Theo was so touched; he felt his heart warm so fast he forgot he had spent a few hours wandering aimlessly outside, befriending the cold of the winter. The snow had melted off his feet and they were wet, and it reminded Theo of this morning, when they had been rolling around playfully in the snow. It had been beautiful.

I love him, Theo thought as tears, not for the first time today, reached his eyes. He quickly and stubbornly blinked them away. Oscar had yet to notice him, but it didn't take long for his dark eyes to lock with Theo's - and then they were staring at each other down the empty, silent corridor. Theo couldn't move a muscle, he was so swept up by the intensity of their stare. Finally, he moved a step forward; it was time to confront his problems. He didn't know if Oscar would help or hinder him, for he could tell from his aura he was not in the least pleased - not that Theo could blame him; however, Theo loved Oscar and that was all that mattered to him right now, even if Oscar was to shout and hit him or anything - Theo would take it. He deserved it, after all. He had wanted Lori to slap him, throw a punch, but she would never do it. Theo wanted to be punished for his mistakes and failures.

As he stepped closer and closer to Oscar, Theo wondered what he would tell his boyfriend. The kiss seemed the most important and significant thing; it was what had left Theo so confused and turmoiled. How would Oscar react to the fact that Lori had kissed him? It certainly meant nothing to Theo, nothing at all. He had felt so horrified at the time. But maybe Oscar wouldn't get that. Theo hoped he did. He was going to tell Oscar because the truth... he couldn't keep lying anymore. Lies brought misery. So did the truth, but Theo was sick of lying. He looked into Oscar's eyes and he saw honesty and love, and he couldn't do that to him. He loved Oscar with all his heart, even if he hadn't said it like that yet; he knew it and one day, he would tell him, if Oscar permitted it... If they survived this.

Finally, Theo was facing Oscar, just a metre between them. Their eyes remained connected by an invisible thread and Theo tried to smile, but he couldn't. "Hi," he eventually opted for, to break the awkward silence. Theo tried to continue but his throat closed up and his eyes threatened to cry again; and he knew he wouldn't be able to stop them in front of Oscar. "I'm sorry," was all he managed to whisper, ducking his head in shame. He couldn't meet Oscar's eyes.