Time For Me {Theo} [PG-13]

[Oscar Flynn G7]

((This PG-13 thread may contain homosexual references. Please read at your own discretion!))

Breathing in the night air could refresh a mind. Shake off all the confusing thoughts and release them into the starry sky. Eventually the thoughts would return and attack any peace or solace you may have found in yourself as a result of this release. But for that little moment, that short time in which you felt free of burden- that made it worth it. Oscar’s head was full of confusion and one quick and sharp intake of the cool air from outside was all he needed to calm down. His heart relaxed. His eyes resumed their normal state as opposed to the slightly narrowed shape they had formerly held. This was before a roll of thunder echoed overhead and, just as suddenly, the clouds decided to release upon the world below a torrent of rain. Perfect. Oscar’s head was sticking out of the window of a very, very small room. It was entirely empty and there were no decorations; the door was simple and bland. Basically the room was pretty useless and of no obvious importance whatsoever. But it had a large, clear window and it was empty, which was good enough for Oscar. That was of course until the rain arrived. The Gryffindor was immediately attacked by the weather and was taken completely by surprise. The water slipped into his long, dark locks and drummed against his head. Automatically as a reflex- years of Quidditch meant his reflexes were fast- his body responded by pulling back through the threshold of the window and into the safety of the empty room. As he did so his head hit the wall in his haste, resulting in an almighty ‘thwack’ sound. Immediately a dark pounding beat drummed against his head and he cried out in pain. It had not been a very hard hit- but it had surprised him. Clutching one hand to the sensitive spot he winced further, glaring at the rain.

A cigarette hung from the fingers of his free hand. He had been out of the window to exhale the smoke into the skies. The rain now made it difficult to smoke successfully- but Oscar needed this cigarette. He had avoided smoking for a long time, a decision brought about by how busy he had been (finding time to see Theo in secret was becoming harder and harder as their relationship developed) and the dwindling amount of cigarettes he had left. Despite the time without the nicotine he now felt as though he deserved one and decided to treat himself with one of the deadly things. That one had turned to two. His first had been smoked till the butt was burnt and Oscar hadn’t felt like leaving the room. Oddly he felt calm here. It was quiet, completely deserted, and because of this he felt as though it was not part of the school. And although Oscar did love Hogwarts, sometimes he welcomed a quick break and a cigarette- or two. And though Oscar also loved Theo there was also something in him that was a tiny bit pleased to have his cigarettes alone here. Theo had never said anything about Oscar’s smoking- the Gryffindor was sure he had mentioned in at some point these past few months- but for some reason it felt like something Oscar preferred to keep separate. It was for him. He was not essentially a social smoker; he just smoked occasionally because he enjoyed it.

He had also enjoyed breathing in the refreshing night air before the rain had come. Now he had to edge close to the boundary between actually being outside being protected by the shelter of the window frame, just to exhale and look outside. After a moment and two drags of this he gave up and stuck his head outside once more. By holding one hand above his second lit cigarette he could protect it from the rain without too much hassle. Unfortunately his hair didn’t have such shelter. It was soon soaked through, the drops falling from each lock and down the contours of Oscar’s face, running from there down his neck and into his thin shirt. He hadn’t bothered wearing a coat or jumper and was dressed simply in a pair of jeans and a cotton shirt- one of his mother’s designs that fit him perfectly, hugging his muscled torso and arms just the perfect amount. Now the neckline showed a few darkened spots from where the rain had slipped past his head. Oddly enough he enjoyed the feeling of the rain washing down upon him. It reminded him of the first time he had kissed Theo and at the same time did what the fresh air had; refreshed his head, cleared his mind, and calmed him.

He took another drag on his cigarette with just a little difficulty and closed his eyes, letting the rain fall onto his eyelids for a moment. Suddenly everything changed. He felt awake, more awake than he had ever felt- despite the late hour. He felt alive. The little room he was situated in was high up and on the west side of the castle, close to the Ravenclaw tower. Oscar hadn’t considered the fact that it might be his boyfriend’s prefect night tonight. They had met up recently but hadn’t discussed anything of the sort- there hadn’t been much time for discussing and conversation had definitely not been the most prominent thing on Oscar’s mind. He liked that. Theo and Oscar could have brilliant conversations and knew that if either one ever needed some advice, the other was there. But Merlin were they alive doing more, ahem, physical activities. With another drag (with his eyes still comfortably closed) Oscar relaxed further, leaning against the wall beside him. The thumping in his head from the hit was lessening with every second and he felt completely at peace despite his odd position and the fact that his head was entirely wet. He was so comfortable and relaxed that he was completely oblivious as the door behind him was pushed open gently. And he didn’t see the expression on his boyfriend’s face, which was probably an unfortunate thing. Had he seen it he may have had time to prepare his excuses and soften the blows as much as possible. Because soon, his moment of peace would be shattered.

[Theo Darke]

It was late, but you wouldn't know it if you looked out of the window. Winter had arrived, and it brought not snow (not yet anyway), but darkness. The evenings were longer, colder, and Theo missed having the bright afternoons when he could lie on the grass outside and suck in the warm sunshine. Now, the sun was eclipsed by six o'clock at the very latest, and the students were forced into the castle, hoarding in the common rooms, the Library, the Student Lounge - anywhere, especially those rooms with roaring fireplaces. Only those nocturnal dark lovers were exceptions, and Theo didn't know any such students. Walking briskly into the castle, Theo blew on his cold hands and folded them into his trouser pockets, making a mental note that the next time he was assigned to be on prefect duty in the Grounds and the Courtyard he should remember to wear gloves and scarf. Having ensured that there didn't seem to be any students wandering outside at this late hour, Theo began the journey back to the Ravenclaw Common Room. He cast an eye out for any students as he ascended the tower, feeling tired and worn out after a long day of lessons and prefect duties. He had barely seen Oscar all day, and although Theo was never in a bad mood, he was certainly not in a good mood. It was as though he had developed an addiction of sorts to Oscar's company... Oscar's kiss, Oscar's touch, Oscar's smile. Shaking his head, Theo rubbed his eyes gently, trying to tempt the sleep out. It was this that would make his night even more woeful than before.

When Theo had finished tending to his eyes, his returning but blurred vision made out a slice of light in the left side of his peripherals, and he zoned his sight onto it to see where it was coming from. It was a small room that Theo knew people rarely used, so why was the light on at such a late hour? Checking his watch with a frown again, Theo's prefect instincts kicked in and he headed for the door. Without knocking, he opened it quietly, wondering if he'd catch any criminal activities in the act. However, Theo was extremely surprised to instead find his very own boyfriend leaning against the wall of the small, sparse room, next to a wide open window that was letting in a torrent of rainwater, his eyes closed and a cigarette in his hand. Theo blinked. What was Oscar doing here? Then he did a double take. Cigarette? Cigarette? Theo's eyes widened. He took another incredulous step into the room, his eyes fixated on the familiar yet suddenly strange figure of his boyfriend. He unconsciously shut the door behind him; good thing he did, because what was to come would be loud and angry. Theo began walking up to Oscar, feeling his heart ram against his chest painfully. He wasn't sure if his boyfriend had even noticed his presence; he seemed too relaxed and at peace and enjoying his cigarette to realise he had an intruder. Theo stopped a metre away from his quiet boyfriend and paused, pain evident in his frowning eyes. Finally, he spoke.

"Oscar." That got the Gryffindor's attention. Theo watched the surprised eyes widen at the sight of him and his heart felt another pinprick of love and pain. The silence was awkward and unprecedented since they had begun their relationship, and Theo didn't like it. However, he had something to say, and he was going to say it. "Oscar, you... smoke?" Theo couldn't keep the incredulity out of his voice; it held disbelief, distaste. "...Why?" It sounded like a stupid question, but he couldn't think of anything else to say. Theo wanted to know. Why didn't he know? Was Oscar's smoking a recent activity he had begun to indulge in? If so, why? And if not, when had he started? Why didn't Theo know? Why didn't Oscar tell him? Theo felt angry, all of a sudden; angry that Oscar had never told him, and that he himself had not realised. He should've known, he shouldn't be surprised, but the truth was, Theo was extremely taken aback by this new twist. He didn't hate smokers, but he didn't like smoking at all, and seeing Oscar doing it, he felt his opinion of his boyfriend falling in his numb chest. Theo's thoughts fuelled him to continue speaking even though Oscar had yet to answer his question. "You know it kills you right? Smoking? It gives you all sorts of diseases, both muggles and wizards have proved this. You have no excuse." Theo's face twisted into one of pain and exasperation. He had never felt so disappointed in Oscar. "People have died from this, and you can stand here so nonchalently and smoke? What good does it bring you? It's a waste of money and time and effort, Oscar!"

Theo's hand went to his head and he suppressed a groan. What was he saying? He didn't know. He just knew he had to stop Oscar from smoking. "When did you start?" he demanded after a short pause for breath. "Why did you start? And why did I not know?" This question came out as more of a pained than angry one, and Theo shoved his hands into his pockets, his right hand feeling the familiar presence of his wand. He saw the expression on Oscar's face - was that defiance flickering in his eyes? - and suddenly a wave of anger gripped him. Here he was, worrying about his boyfriend's health, and he didn't appreciate it! "For goodness sake, Oscar," Theo growled, stepping forward without restrained control and plucking the offensive burning tip of a cigerette out of his boyfriend's hands. "Are you listening to me?" Theo chucked the cigerette out of the open window without a second thought, before turning on his boyfriend again with similar blazing eyes of defiance. "Look, you're a Quidditch player, and the Vice-Captain of your team. What would they think if they saw you smoking? Do you think that's the good example of a leader?" He stepped right up to Oscar's face and challenged him even though he was a good deal shorter. Gone was the sexual electricity, replaced with frustrated aggressive tension. Staring Oscar fiercely in the eyes, Theo looked away with a pained expression and stepped back a little. "Are you unhappy enough with me to want to smoke?" he asked quietly, his eyes boring holes in Oscar's. "Does it make you happy in a way I can't? Does it satisfy you?" Subdued anger and pained sorrow: it was a deadly combination.

At that moment, Theo cast caution to the wind and, grabbing Oscar's shirt, tugged his boyfriend against him and crushed his lips with his painfully. Theo kissed Oscar hard. The Gryffindor tasted of tobacco and rain, and just the slightest remainder of himself... Theo felt his heart hurt. After the drawn-out kiss, he pulled away, breathing hard, and stared at Oscar rigidly. "You taste just like that night... the rain." He smiled sadly, remembering Lllarynstud like it was yesterday. "But I can also taste it on you," he stated dully. "I've never tasted it on you before... or smelt it." Biting his lip so hard it almost drew blood, Theo swallowed the acrid burning in his mouth and raised his wand at Oscar. It seemed like he was going to attack him, but Theo merely cast that drying spell he had done a couple of months back for Oscar in that little wood cabin, then shut the window. Mutely, Theo looked at his boyfriend, expecting him to say something, anything, to explain himself.

[Oscar Flynn G7]

“Oscar” He knew that voice. It was so familiar to him now, and every time he heard it his heart involuntarily began beating that little bit faster, and the corners of his lips rose that little bit more. Theo. As his eyes slowly opened and he began to turn around, he realised that the voice was not as it normally was. There was an undertone to it. The voice that normally made Oscar grin now froze him for a moment before turning. Theo was clearly not in a good mood. Facing him, Oscar’s heart was beating faster and faster, his eyes widening. He was surprised to see anyone here, let alone his boyfriend. Normally he would hug Theo to him, kiss him hello a few times. But something in the atmosphere was different this time and a voice in Oscar’s head told him it was the nicotine. “Apparently so.” When he finally spoke, Oscar’s voice was sarcastic and almost rude- where had this come from? He was not angry. He had no reason to be. But he felt the need to be defensive, to stand up for himself. Theo’s voice was accusative and Oscar hated it. So his answer to Theo’s first question was blunt. To the second, the taller boy’s mouth opened in answer. But his reply was cut off short by more words from Theo. Each one sent a harsh chord strumming through Oscar’s body. Somehow the words reached deeper down than they would normally. And which every syllable, Oscar’s feeling of annoyance grew and grew. And when Oscar was annoyed, he was a sarcastic idiot, no matter who he was being idiotic to. “Wow, they can kill you? Merlin, they should really put that kind of thing on the packs.” A cynical tone following by a drag on the thing between his fingers that Theo clearly did not approve of.

The thing that most annoyed Oscar was the look on Theo’s face. Accusative, disapproving, judgemental. And most of all, disappointed. “Oh for God’s sake, Theo!” It was strange for Oscar to say this, although he did not notice it. Since his third year he had always replaced ‘God’ with ‘Merlin’ in this curse. Recently, he had found himself saying it more and more in his times of anger. “What good?! Why does everything have to be so bloody good?! For once, Theo, can’t something be bad?” Another long, hard take on the cigarette. His eyes were narrowed. The peace he had felt only moments before was a memory from long ago. The thoughts had returned, attacking the peace and solace he had found in that moment of release. He faced Theo full on and stared at him for a moment, silence filling the room once more- but this time Oscar controlled it. “Money… why do you say that, Theo? Trying to say something? You’ve never had to worry about money. But I’m not as broke as you might think and I can spend what ‘little’ money I have on whatever I bloody well like.” The annoyance was seething from him now. He opened his mouth to continue but again was cut short by Theo’s questions.

“Why would you have to know? It’s not a big deal, plenty of people do it. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if your precious Scott had tried it once or twice.” A cheap shot and Oscar didn’t know where it came from. But what right did Theo have to accuse him like this? He was so… so perfect. As Oscar had thought before- so good. No bad in Theo, none at all. He was the perfect boyfriend, friend, student, prefect. Not a bad bone in him. Oscar looked back into Theo’s eyes and felt like a child with his hands in the cookie-jar, only turning to be rude to his mother after having been scolded. But he didn’t care for once. In the moment he took to stare defiantly at his boyfriend, Theo stepped forwards in a swift move and launched Oscar’s cigarette into the rain. The moment he did so Oscar moved- it was a reflex, automatic, he couldn’t help it. One foot slipped next to Theo’s and one hand came up in a movement, as if to shove Theo backwards. An inch from his boyfriend’s chest, his hand froze as he realised who he had been about to push away. An almighty sigh ran through him and he glanced back into those blue eyes. The two boys were breathless with emotion and Oscar was so close to Theo- because he had been about to shove him- but memories of when he had pushed Theo against the tree came back to him and he hesitated.

Listening to the Ravenclaw’s words about being Quidditch player, he scowled. “I’m not perfect, Theo.” His voice was quieter now. The anger was still there, his chest still heaving, his eyes still narrowed and dark. In a way this quieter voice was even darker and fiercer. “You might put me on the pedestal as that because of what we have, and the fact that you are… but I’m not. I can’t pass all my exams with brilliant grades, and I can’t lose a Quidditch game or even get a detention without shouting, hitting, or… smoking. And you- you’ve probably never had a fricking detention in your life.” His eyes darkened even further at Theo’s words of being being unhappy. “Don’t you dare.” His mind was racing. He loved Theo. His mind would admit that now. How on earth could Theo turn this into something that it wasn’t? “For once this is not about us! It’s a cigarette, Darke.” He barely realised that he was using Theo’s last name- he normally only did this when the two were teasing each other. “It’s not a knife, or a needle, or a gun. It’s not even a bloody condom.” An almost subconscious twitch of the lips.

Those lips were soon captured in Theo’s kiss and Oscar didn’t have time to continue, in anger or otherwise. All of his senses, formally focused solely on making his point, were thrown into his lips, now the focus point of Oscar’s entire body. But he did not return the kiss. He wanted it- more than anything, his body was telling him to relive that night in Llanrhystud- but he didn’t move, merely allowed his boyfriend to kiss him. Oscar’s eyes normally closed when the two kissed but they stayed open and he felt numb to the bone. A wave of the anger past washed over him and he had no idea how to ride it. With it came the theory that Theo didn’t love Oscar as he loved him… why else would he cast those accusative eyes upon the Gryffindor? His mind ran over what he had replied with and his heart sank. He had shown his temper to the one person he didn’t want to see it. He had unveiled probably three weaknesses in that night- his smoking, his temper, and his clear lack of control. He had almost shoved Theo backwards after all. It had only been for a second, but it had happened and Oscar couldn’t get out of his head what would have happened if he had laid a hand on Theo like that.

“I-“ His voice was a croak for a moment. Oscar’s dark eyes lost their anger and it was impossible to keep a hint of hurt from them. He felt… he felt ashamed. “I barely smoke… Merlin’s sake, Theo. It’s a cigarette. Why does it matter to you what I do with my body…” His voice flat, emotionless, dead.

[Theo Darke]

"They do, actually," Theo shot back at Oscar's sarcastic retort. His eyes flashed a rare shade of dark anger. "You should know. The muggles started the cigerette campaign just this year. TV adverts, health talks... I may not be a muggle, but I know more than you seem to give me credit for." Theo struggled to reign in his harsh, accusatory tone. "If things can be good then why have them bad at all?" he snapped back critically. "You should always strive to be better than 'bad'. You should always try to be 'good'." Theo's fingers accented his last word with slight scorn. "But you're twisting my words. It's not about being 'good' or 'bad'. It's about--" Theo was abruptly cut off by Oscar's angry voice. He had never seen his boyfriend irate - he was even more so than their first argument back at Oscar's house several months ago. Then again, Theo had never been this angry either - with anyone or anything. He was never frustrated, never annoyed... He had perfect control, but when it came to Oscar... it was like that control did not exist anymore. Theo cared too much about the Gryffindor not to feel these vast array of emotions swirling in his stomach, his mind, his blood. Oscar didn't know it, but everything he did, everything he felt, Theo felt it with him. Every cigerette he smoked, every laboured breath he took, that was Theo's burden too. And although Theo would take any burden to be with this man, he refused to watch the love of his life kill himself with the murderous things that were cigarettes.

Theo froze. Love of his life? Where had that come from? He didn't even know if he loved Oscar... truly. He was still doubting his feelings because he bore similar ones for Scott. Suddenly self-doubt filled Theo's mind. He was in the wrong; he was the unfair one. How could he chastise Oscar for the act of smoking when he was doing much worse? Oscar wasn't even physically betraying him because he wasn't cheating on their relationship with cigarettes. Theo on the other hand was the criminal and he felt an overwhelming flood of guilt. Still, he was stuck in this situation with Oscar raving back at him, and gathering his wits, Theo stared his boyfriend down calmly and steadily as though his disturbed thoughts were not penetrating his mind. "Oh for goodness sake, Oscar," Theo echoed his boyfriend unconsciously as he turned away from him in disgust at his accusation. "That's not what I meant and you know it! Stop putting words in my mouth. Stop reading in between the lines when there is nothing between them! I'm this person that you see and I've never tried to pretend to be anything else!" Theo folded his arms defensively across his chest and felt his chest clench painfully as Oscar levelled the monetary comments at him like an arrow to his heart. "I don't care what you spend your money on," he replied a little more calmly, not looking Oscar in the eye. "It's not about the money. I don't care about money, you should know that by now."

Theo was about to continue in his more serene tone when Oscar's next angry comment caused Theo's head to snap back to him with wide eyes of detest. The Scott reference had caught him off guard once more, but rather than feeling scared, Theo felt angry. This was not about Scott. Even if Oscar knew about his feelings for Scott - which he reassured himself he did not, of course not - this was not about the other Gryffindor. This was about them, about Oscar, and Theo was downright livid that his boyfriend had made an allusion to someone who was innocent and who was his friend and did not deserve such a patronising description. "Here we go again," Theo bit out angrily, turning on Oscar, all calm evaporated and dissolved in the heated yet chilling atmosphere. "Involving Scott again. For goodness sake, Oscar, can you hear yourself? This has nothing to do with Scott, this is about us, and the sooner you realise this relationship is about two people and not three, not four, then maybe you'll see how bloody much I care about you. It's not always about you but for once it really is and dragging Scott and goodness knows who else into this isn't going to help. Sometimes you're like a jealous, over-protective husband! If I really was interested in other people I wouldn't be spending my damn time and effort on you right here, right now, worrying about your health!" Theo caught his breath but ploughed on stubbornly. "I don't care if Scott smokes cigarettes or weed or is on drugs. It's you I care about, it's you who I bloody love."

Theo stopped and drew away from Oscar again. His fingers tapped his mouth like it was chiding a child but it was too late; Theo had said those fatal words. However, even though he bit his lip nervously, his anger had still not dispersed. Their argument was still very much in motion. Oscar's next words only confirmed this, drawing out an even angrier but more hurt side of Theo. "I never thought you were perfect. I never wanted you perfect. I like you just the way you are... as a person. Cigerettes aren't a part of you, they're just another hobby, a hobby that will kill you one day, and when that happens be damn sure I won't be there to see it. I don't have the heart or the strength to, Oscar." Theo felt tears pricking at his eyes and turned away again, unable to look Oscar in the face. He began pacing around the room, words spilling from his mouth in rapid succession. "I'm not perfect. I try to be, and if that's something you can't stand about me then just admit it. However, I've never wanted you to be perfect. You're not on a pedastal in my mind and if you are, it's only because I damn well love you." Theo grit out the words again, halting in his position about two metres away from Oscar. "And it's because of these stupid feelings that I care about you smoking in the first place. God, I am so stupid." Staring at the ceiling with moist eyes, Theo blinked fiercely to keep them at bay. "I am so damn stupid for caring so bloody much."

Theo was right in Oscar's face again at his next comeback. The condom reference was all but lost on his rage. "Oh, this is all about us, Oscar. Don't you make it about anything else," he hissed angrily, fists clenched by his sides. He had no inclination to punch Oscar, but he still felt the huge urge to get rid of his rage somehow. "That cigerette is you, and it wasn't you before and I don't like it. And if you think it's about perfection then you really don't know me at all. I care about you as a person and I know those cigerettes will do nothing to help you, that is why I am angry, and that is why I will do anything to stop you. I care about you in a way no one else does, and if you can't see that then fine. Maybe this isn't going to work." Theo's voice deflated as he spoke, losing anger and loudness until it was a dull wisp that had given up. The kiss... It was Theo's way of testing Oscar; seeing if he would respond, if their spark, their feelings, were still there. But Oscar did not mirror his moves. In fact, he did not move at all. When Theo drew away his eyes glistened more out of hurt than rage. "Because your body is my body. Your pain is my pain, your faults are my faults. And this is one fault I cannot live with, Oscar." Theo's whispers came as he rested his head in his hands, shielding his moist eyes from Oscar because he was too ashamed to admit this man could reduce him to tears. "Those cigerettes will kill you and... I cannot be the boyfriend who stands on the sidelines and watches you do it. If I can't stop you then I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to one day watch you... wither away." Theo's voice broke. "I refuse to watch another person be taken away from my life just because of some sticks filled with tar and nicotine made by money-mad, selfish individuals. I can't do it, Oscar. I can't do it."

[Oscar Flynn G7]

Oscar couldn’t believe the way things had changed. He wondered what would have happened if he hadn’t been smoking when Theo had entered, and the answer was obvious in his mind. As it came to him he wished with all his heart that he hadn’t chosen to have that cigarette in the empty room that night because he yearned now for that alternate outcome. Then his calm state of mind would have put him in a good mood, despite his initial joy at being alone for once. And Theo probably would have welcomed the change from being the watchful prefect to the lustful, handsome boyfriend... in that alternate outcome they would be embracing, not fighting. Kissing, not shouting. Well… they were kissing in a sense. But that kiss from Theo had been strange, and his comments after it left an odd feeling in Oscar’s head, in Oscar’s chest. He realised too, as he watched the anger and disappointment reach Theo’s eyes and remain there- hardly fading even when he looked at Oscar- that perhaps he had been trying to hide his habit from his boyfriend. Foolish, maybe. And he told himself that the intent to tell Theo was always there… but he just forgot; it slipped his mind, harmless. But perhaps he had never intended to tell Theo at all. He could never imagine the Ravenclaw smoking, only hating the habit.

He felt now like a small child being accused of something incredibly foolish and stupid. And he was a small child being accused of just that. In Theo’s eyes smoking was clearly foolish and blatantly stupid. Oscar recognised how his boyfriend hated the habit… but there was something about this fight, this argument, that made him determined to continue being that small, defiant child. He liked it. Although not a ‘drama queen’ character, Oscar had always had a good life and had always seen problems and mistakes as unfamiliar, brand-new obstacles he had to overcome; and so he welcome trouble whenever it came up. This made him feel all the more pleased with himself when he did overcome an obstacle, like so many other people. Was this situation with Theo and the cigarettes he sometimes smoked the same? Did he want to draw the fight out, be the rebellious child, the trouble-seeker? He felt so painfully young in that moment, and as he looked into the eyes of the boy he loved so, he saw someone far older than sixteen staring back at him. The contrast between the two, between their levels of maturity with the topic, was painful.

It was hard to fight off the temptation to retort once more, to say something to rile Theo even further, merely for entertainment and something new, some drama in their so far perfect relationship. It was so, so hard. Theo’s words- everything he said was just so wrong! You should always strive to be good… It was so righteous it made Oscar grimace. He hadn’t realised that the two were so different in this opinion, view, whatever it was. He had of course known that Theo was a good guy, an all round perfect boy. And Oscar had been happy with that. But he had not expected his boyfriend to become judgemental, to turn his gaze critically on Oscar. Smoking… eugh. He knew how it could be seen as disgusting, but Theo really was blowing this all out of proportion. It was just a thing. A thing that Oscar did. Could Theo not give him that one habit, hobby, for himself? Did he have to share everything with his boyfriend? And he couldn’t even share his boyfriend with everyone else- in the sense that their relationship was a secret. How could Theo want to control this aspect of Oscar’s life when the two couldn’t even control their relationship enough to let other people see it?

Despite all these questions and doubts, irritations and teeth-grinding, nail-biting thoughts, Oscar slowly made himself relax. Slowly softened his features. He dropped the defiant gaze gently. His shoulders rolled for a moment and he rubbed his collarbone, unknowingly pressed the place where Theo had put his lips and tongue only months before. His brow calmed and he looked at Theo again with a heavy sigh. “I love you.” The words were so clear and had always been true, that much Oscar knew. But as he said them it was inevitable that the blush would come and the sheepish, almost shy smile would show across his lips. He had been shocked when Theo had said similar words, but not so much that he let it show- the topic was too important to be interrupted, even by something like that. Theo’s response to his own words had amused him though. “I don’t want to upset you. What I do… what I do now involves you. Choices I make involve you. Paths I take, involve you.” For a moment Oscar’s words seemed to imply that Theo was a burden, a weight and a presence he had to consider with everything he did. He was oblivious to this and continued. “You really don’t want me to smoke?” He was closer to Theo now and didn’t divert his gaze once. “Then… then I’ll try not to. I can’t stand that disapproval in your eyes.” He promised nothing and knew that Theo would not be entirely happy with his compromise, but he couldn’t give everything, he couldn’t give his word, couldn’t commit two things in one night like that.

“I’m not an addict, you know. At least, not with cigarettes…” An attempt, feeble perhaps, to change the subject to something they both had in common – their love and lust to each other. With the fading words Oscar stepped closer and push Theo back slightly. He didn’t press his lips to his boyfriend’s as expected but nuzzled his neck instead, slowly, yet with a gentle intensity. His lips caressed the soft skin there and as Oscar tried to turn the situation around- and knew that he could and would- he ignored the fact that he was making a diversion in his head. Theo could not resist this. With a pressure that increased as the seconds flew by, Oscar continued with his lips against Theo’s neck. He couldn’t process their argument so quickly. He would need time to go over the words said, else he would end up shouting something he would later regret. He just… he just had to stop Theo talking, had to stop Theo shouting and criticising, otherwise Oscar knew he would not have been able to hold back. So as he stopped Theo talking the only way he knew how, his mind was going over just one phrase that Theo had spat out. Maybe this isn’t going to work. Maybe this isn’t going to work. Maybe this isn’t… maybe this isn’t… maybe…

[Theo Darke]

Theo blinked once and the world stopped.

"You what?"
"Oh crap."

Suddenly, it was extremely difficult to breathe.
Impossible, even.

"Did you just say... you love me?"
"You can't mean that, surely..."

Unwanted, uninvited tears filled Theo's normally dry eyes.

"I..."
"Don't say that, Oscar."

Theo stepped forward. His hand grabbed Oscar's shoulder. His toes tipped him up. He shut his eyes.
Then his lips crashed against Oscar's.

"I love you."
"I love you."

Theo murmured it softly against Oscar's jaw, so quiet it was almost lost in the silence. "I mean that." He looked into Oscar's eyes. "I really, really mean that."

Theo sighed and stepped backwards again, watching Oscar with a soft gaze as he explained himself. He could barely believe Oscar had just said he loved him. He couldn't believe he'd echoed it! It was too late to take it back, but for the most part Theo couldn't bring himself to regret it - because it was true. He knew it was true and it had taken a long time for him to admit it even though it had been obvious almost from the very beginning when they'd had their first argument. Theo had fallen in love with Oscar's friendliness, his laughter, his smile almost instantly, though he'd denied it frantically at the time. And here Oscar was, claiming to love him too, and Theo felt his heart swell and threaten to burst in his chest. Butterflies wracked his stomach but he didn't care. The raging argument they had just had - it was almost as if it hadn't happened. But Oscar returned to it again and Theo remembered why he had been so distressed, so hurt before.

"I know. I know," Theo found himself saying gently in a reassuring way, putting his hand to Oscar's cheek and caressing it lovingly. "I know you don't ever mean to upset me. You are my life too now, Oscar Flynn. I won't forget that." Theo sighed and let his hand fall again. "Yes. Yes, it does bother me... It's not disapproval, Oscar. It's not that at all. It's not about perfection..." Theo looked away, upset clear on his face. "I love you - all of you, everything about you. I know you're not perfect. But smoking... I can't stand it. I..." His voice cracked a little and his hands balled into tight fists as his mind returned to when he was aged nine. "Seven years ago," he began quietly, trying to get rid of any stuttering or evident pain in his voice, "my grandfather died. He was a chain smoker - he couldn't live a day without, I don't know, forty cigerettes; probably more. I didn't really understand why they were 'bad' because I was so naive, but... but then he died and my mum just..." Theo shook his head and looked up at Oscar with honest, watery eyes. "It really hurt my mum and my nan. My granddad was young... He could've lived another twenty years at least. But smoking, it killed him. He smoked every day for forty years and it was obvious a smoke-related disease would get him - something incurable. And that was cancer." Theo closed his eyes, reliving the painful memory of the hospital, watching his mum break down in tears whilst his nan cried over her dead husband's corpse.

"So..." Theo forced his gaze back on Oscar. "When I see that thing in your mouth, all I see is my grandfather... My nan crying over his dead body. I don't want to be that person forty years later, you know? I can't imagine my life without you, Oscar, and I don't want to lose you, ever. You can't leave me." Theo had never been sentimental, or a crier, but he had to pull his boyfriend to him and bury his head in his chest before he began sobbing. "I'm sorry, but... I can't do that," he whispered into Oscar's clothes that smelt comfortingly of his boyfriend and not smoke. Theo chuckled into Oscar's chest at his next attempt to soothe him; he had to forgive his boyfriend however much it hurt him. It was true he had acted quite out of character and had taken an offensive tone without explanation. "I guessed. If you were I would've noticed ages ago, Oscar," Theo murmured, his voice muffled in clothes.

Theo said nothing as Oscar began nuzzling his neck. He merely relaxed and felt his own breathing return to normal - until Oscar's lips met his neck; then Theo's pulse shot up. Without a word, he instinctively bent his neck back so his boyfriend had easier access. Closing his eyes, Theo savoured the pleasurable sensations, blocking out the negatives, the argument, and focusing on just being with Oscar, happy and on Cloud Nine. Eventually, Theo pushed his boyfriend gently down onto the floor, against the wall, and with a free hand shut the window letting in the cold and rain. He was quite aware of the time but he didn't care. Right now he needed to be with Oscar and who on Earth would be around here at this time of hour? Theo settled next to Oscar, capturing his lips and kissing him passionately, his hands settled on Oscar's broad shoulders. He leaned back when he resurfaced for breath and whispered softly, "I'm sorry." Gazing at Oscar intently for his reaction, Theo then shifted onto his boyfriend's lap and, nuzzling his nose with Oscar's, kissed him again.

They'd had their first argument as a couple and the storm was over, leaving only clear skies.