Sick and Tired ((Drake))

[Brianna Bowman R7]

“Get off of me already,” Brianna growled at her sister. It was another weekend, another day closer to graduation, and another day less in Brianna’s time frame. Hand clutched the coat weakly as she tried to bat her sister away. Life hadn’t been the same since winter break. Of course nothing had been the same since her father died, but that was a long time ago…a very long time ago. Now…now it wasn’t her father that was dying…it was she. Sure everyone was trying to keep upbeat about it…trying to make her feel like normal, but Brianna knew that this wasn’t normal. The rolling pain that caused her to lose the contents of her stomach was not normal; the increased pressure within her skull, and the weakened state of her body was NOT normal. Nothing was normal, she wasn’t normal, her family wasn’t normal, and this was not the normal life of your typical 17 year old. How could this pain, this heartache, this longing to live be normal?

Two small hands wrapped themselves into Brianna’s cold, weak hands, and her dull brown orbs moving to rest on the saddened features of her sister. “Come on. It’s a Hogsmeade day, besides I’m sure you know by now, but everyone thinks it’s a good idea if you get out of this castle for a while, get some fresh air,” Josephine said softly as she tried to get her sister to budge from her spot on the bed. For the last four months Brianna had hidden herself away from everyone, everyone…especially Drake. He was food for thought…food that made Brianna blush ten shades of red. All she could think about was her last time running into him…the pain that had disappeared that night with him. Of course she had a hell of a lie to tell her mother when she got home the next morning…and of course that’s what led her to be taken to St. Mungo’s. For so long she’d been avoiding him, hiding away from his looks…his features, that she couldn’t be sure which part of her was doing it. Was it the part of her that didn’t want him to see her so sick? Or was it the part of her that loved him, but knew he’d never marry her?

“Brianna…” the word was soft and singsong as Josephine tried to call her sister from her overpowering thoughts. Brown orbs landed on Josephine once more and she took advantage of the moment to get Brianna up, her arm wrapping around her elder sister’s waist. Brianna didn’t fight it like she had planned, knowing that the support from her sister was basically the only thing keeping her up. She didn’t want to admit it, but she was grateful for her sister’s help and most of all to McGonagall for allowing her sister to traipse from the Slytherin Common Room to the Ravenclaw tower so she could help her. It had been allowed on the grounds that Brianna was losing a battle against this disease. Her body barely made it to class anymore. It was weak, tired, and in pain.

There was another long moment of silence…there always was anymore. Brianna found talking to come in only sparse moments from her, the need for her to actually concentrate on pushing her body the only focus of the mind at that time. Josephine however felt the need for continuous talk. She couldn’t stand seeing her sister like this…the woman that had always told her things were going to be alright, that Dad was alright. Now…now here she was holding her sister up. There wasn’t much left of her sister…in terms of the personality that had always been just below the surface of her façade. Now however…that personality had disappeared, leaving a shell in its place. Deep brown orbs looked her elder sister up and down as they began to descend the mass amount of stairs. Really if Josephine had had her way she would have just carried her sister down the steps, but Brianna would have argued…more than argued really. A soft smile tugged at the corner of her lips. She would have cursed her real well…if she had the strength to do so at least.

Brianna didn’t have time to think about much as she tried to remember to step down each stair that loomed before them. Her breathing was already ragged from the effort and her body ached with weakness and pain. She couldn’t do this…correction; she didn’t want to do this. Brianna let her sister guide her, let her do most of the work and nearly an hour later they were finally sitting in a carriage on their way to Hogsmeade. She had tried to fight the use of the carriage, had tried to pull away from her sister, but she was too weak…too tired. The carriage would do her for a good few minutes of rest. Of course she was going to pretend to pout and moan the entire time so Josephine would feel bad. The thing was her sister already felt bad…it wasn’t something that she could hide at all. Brianna knew what this was doing to her sister…knew what it was doing to her family, but she couldn’t bear ease their mind about it. She knew she was dying, knew that there wasn’t much time left for her. She had refused treatment so she could finish out school…now, now there was no guarantee that the treatment would even work once she got out of there. It was a hell of a price to pay, but Brianna didn’t regret her decision…she knew everyone else back home was upset with her decision…hated it actually, but really Brianna knew what was best for her…not them.

Rough minutes passed as Josephine helped her sister from the carriage, Brianna’s already weak body finding the workout to be a push of her strength and it buckled in her sister’s arms. Josephine held tight though, her feet in a stance that allowed her to not fall over with her sister in her arms. Of course there were looks…plenty of them, but most had heard about the Bowman’s eldest daughter…knowing the disease that once claimed her father, was now claiming her. Brianna paid little attention to anyone however as she just held tightly to her sister, her eyes tearing and her body shaking slightly. Josephine moved her sister away from whatever onlookers were still around, her frame taking her to a small teashop. Josephine took a seat across from her sister, making sure everything was okay.

“Would you get out of here already?” Brianna muttered in annoyance as she looked at the leaves in the bottom of her now empty cup. For the last 20 minutes Brianna had been trying to get Josephine to leave her alone for a while, but the girl was as stubborn as ever, even when she saw a few friends of hers pad by the window. Leaning forward awkwardly Brianna took her sister’s hand. “I’ll be around for a few, just go have a little fun while we’re here. It’s not like I can really go anywhere so please give your older sister a break for a while.” Josephine sighed, but didn’t argue as she kissed her sister’s forehead and left her alone in the teashop. Finally she had peace…and she looked back down at the tealeaves quickly pouring another cup to hide the outline of what appeared to be a grim.

[Drake Manning]

As spring began to fade into summer, Drake found himself starting to care less and less about the school year ending. He knew that, just like every other year, his summer holiday would consist of him wasting away his time as the next school year sneaked up on him before he had time to even get used to the joy of having no work to worry about. Wash, rinse, and repeat. It was a cycle that he had learned to endure, and after this summer holiday he knew that there was only one more year left before he was a "free man."

Summer holiday was a few weeks away though, and Drake was busy enough with the work that he had to do to even think about the summer freedom that awaited him. Not to mention, things in his life had been slightly more than chaotic in the past months. With India acting like a complete loony and Brianna having been diagnosed with cancer, Drake wasn't really sure what to make of the entire situation. Like always, he used the opportunity to retreat into his normal state of darkness. Drake found himself spending almost all of his time in his room when he wasn't in class. Had he known better, he might have realized he was in some sort of depressive state. Not even the idea of retreating to his alcohol seemed appealing to him anymore.

Too much time spent alone though could really make him crazy, which was why he decided he really needed to get out of the castle and get some fresh air. That form of escape ended up being a trip to Hogsmeade since it was one of only a few options. Drake pulled on a crumpled outfit and looked at himself in the mirror. Bloodshot eyes stared back at him, indicative of the lack of sleep and worn state that he had fallen into. A layer of stubble lined his jaw, and his hair was less than aesthetic. Drake didn't care though, so he boarded a carriage and set off toward Hogsmeade. Perhaps a butterbeer would wash away some of the dullness for now.

The streets weren't particularly crowded, but the weather was nice. Drake didn't really like the sun though, as it was too bright for him. Squinting, he walked toward the Three Broomsticks. As he went though, Drake passed a small teashop with glass windows. Immediately, Drake noticed the familiar outline of his soon to be wife. He almost laughed at the irony of it. Neither himself or Brianna had really taken the whole marriage arrangement very seriously once they both realized who their arranged spouses were. Still, Drake couldn't deny that he had some sort of feelings for her. Whatever those feelings were, he wasn't quite sure. At his deepest layer though, Drake couldn't help but feel a bit of sympathy for her. Even his dark soul felt bad as he watched the pain in her eyes. Ever since he heard of her sickness though, Drake had purposely avoided her. How do you deal with something like that? He was only a seventeen year old boy in all reality, trying to live the life of a man (a messed up life, at that).

Standing for a few seconds with his forehead pressed against the glass, Drake watched Brianna from behind. She hadn't seen him, and every part of him told him to just walk the other way. What was the point in getting involved now. He was already in too deep, and if he wanted to get out of the mess he knew he couldn't afford to get in any deeper. But something kept him glued to the window. Something inside of him kept his eyes fixed on Brianna and every good thing that he could find in her. They had shared something at one point, and Drake felt that something drawing him back to her. It was all very confusing and overwhelming, but Drake had lost control so long ago. Now, he was following a path that he wasn't sure of. He was scared, that was for sure, but Drake wouldn't admit anything. His life had turned into something so surreal that he didn't know what to do anymore. Up always turned to be down and right was always left. Drake couldn't even navigate himself anymore without finding that he'd walked into another pit of confusion.

Wanting so bad to talk to Brianna, Drake found himself entering the teashop without much more of a thought. He hadn't a clue what he would say to her, but his feet took him right to the place where she sat. The weakness of her body was evident in the way she held herself, and Drake couldn't help but wonder how the Brianna that he knew from just months before that had turned into the woman sitting before him. Finally, when their eyes met, he chocked back the sudden burst of words that seemed to flood from his mind to his mouth. Only sounds came out though, nothing that made any sense. He had to close his mouth to stop himself long enough to get something sensible out. "I'm sorry." The words weren't what he expected, but somehow they seemed to be the right words. Drake stared at her with confusion, wondering what could possibly happen next.

[Brianna Bowman R7]

Brianna hadn't expected anyone to drop by her table, hadn't wanted anyone too. After Josephine had taken off she'd finally gotten enough time to herself to breathe...to remember who she was and why she was there. She was alone...always would be. Her hands shook as they wrapped around the tiny teacup. The song clinging of glass against glass forced her to pull the glass up to her lips where she took a small sip. The effort that took was beyond anything she could possibly imagine. She was getting weaker by the days and she didn't know how much longer she'd be able to stand on her own, not that she could anymore, but with Josephine's help she always felt like she could stand on her own two feet...as if no one was helping her. That's how Josephine always made her feel and she loved that about her sister.

When a figure showed up beside her table, Brianna didn't think anything of it until she looked over, her eyes rolling up the familiar frame of the man beside her, brown orbs stopping at his eyes, as her heart skipped a couple of beats. She sat back a bit at his incoherent words as they sputtered out of his mouth. She just blinked, her mind fighting the confusion that was streaming through her at the face that he was there. When he apologized Brianna couldn't even begin to understand why he was saying sorry. What was he apologizing for? Which part? The fact that he'd avoided her for the last several months? Or over the fact that the last time they'd seen each other had ended in a night that was far more intense than it should have been? Either way Brianna had come to the conclusion that she wanted nothing to do with Drake Manning...or so she kept telling herself that, her mind disagreeing with her every few moments.

Brianna didn't look away from him. She may have been physically weak, but she was far from her stubborn self. Brows furrowed at him as she glared, her body trying to take on her normal defiant position, but failing. "You're sorry? For which part Drake Manning? For using me in your constant game? Or for the fact that I'm dying? Either way I don't want your bloody pity. I know who you are...what you are. You're a selfish, self-loathing rich kid that has no idea what it is to love, or what it is to die. So forgive me if I don't accept your nonchalant apology that means absolutely nothing coming from your lips. You don't care who you hurt or who goes down around you so don't start now just because your would-be future wife is probably going to be dead before the wedding. You're probably grateful for the fact that you won't have to go through with it, that you'll be able to continue on with your lying, drunken escapades. So why don't you just bugger off and leave me to tea in peace," she said, her voice far weaker than she wanted it to be.

[Drake Manning]

Drake knew she most likely wouldn't be friendly, but he hardly expected the response the Brianna gave. The bitterness in her voice was more than palpable, and Drake felt as though he were merely a target at which she could cast all of her anger at. It didn't bother him though, at least not in the sense that he let it anger him. What angered him most was that she didn't accept the sincerity of his apology. Drake normally wouldn't care about such things, but as of lately he had been changing... a lot... and he acted differently at times. There was still a lot of the old Drake left in him, but Brianna and India had both done something to him that would forever leave a mark on his cold and lonely heart.

"I don't know what I'm bloody sorry for, but I just know that I'm sorry. OK?" He spat the words at her, far from a cruel sort of comeback, but more of a defense of his own motives. Surely Brianna didn't think he had anything to gain by feigning his sympathy. Drake was past the point of using his manipulation. She was dying. Death wasn't something he was about to take lightly. Even someone as lost as Drake knew that death was a serious thing, both fear-evoking and perhaps even welcoming for some. Either way, it was a permanent thing, and it would be foolish to ignore the seriousness of it.

At the mention of the wedding, Drake cringed, taking a seat across from Brianna. The mere though of marrying her wasn't what made him cringe, but the thought of marriage in itself was enough to set Drake's teeth on edge. He knew one thing was for sure, and that one thing that he knew was that he didn't know a whole lot about his future. What he wanted. What he cared for. Where he was even going to be in a year from now. Drake's whole life ahead of him was a giant question mark, and he wasn't very interested in knowing what might lie ahead. He had too much to worry about in the here and now to dwell on what was to come. With India and Brianna eating at his every thought, Drake had to work to keep himself sane enough to just get through each day without keeling over in confusion. Was it love in either situation? Of course not, for he was Drake. Drake Manning. Drake didn't, couldn't love anybody, could he?

Watching Brianna from across the table, Drake's eyes were fixed on hers as he searched her soul. Who was this person in front of him? What was she thinking? What did she want in life... the very short bit of it that was left. Drake starred for a second, the familiar tug of confusion pulling at something inside of him. It was hard to tell what was even real anymore. "I can just leave you alone if that's what you really want, Brianna" It wasn't like Drake to do what others wanted. In fact, he most always acted on the terms of whatever benefitted him the most... whatever made him the happiest (though the happiness was never usually anything real). Drake was so used to acting in a way that made the pain go away. "Merlin knows I don't even know what I want anymore," he added with cynical sort of disdain.

[Brianna Bowman R7]

It took every ounce of her forgotten strength to remind Brianna that she couldn’t stand up and walk out of there like she wanted to. Not that she didn’t try anyway…of course that only resulted in a weak movement that just made it look like she was adjusting her position in her seat. That was so incredibly frustrating…she did not want to sit here and have a discussion with him. She did not want to be forced to remember what he looked like…or how his voice sounded. Yet here he was standing here like he had been bitten by some sort of friendly bug that made him want to seem like the chivalrous white knight in shining armor that was there to rescue her from her inevitable death. Hands clenched as tightly as she could make them as she tried to hold her hostile look.

Crescent fingernail imprints were being left in the palms of her hands as Drake spat out his apology…so much for the chivalrous white knight. It was better this way thought. Brianna wouldn’t have any thoughts about him or how things could have been if he just went ahead and destroyed every bit of feeling she had for him. She didn’t want to remember him and she’d burn him out of her memory if she could, unfortunately that was easier said than done. He’d left a mark on her like he had all the other girls he’d known…at least Brianna could at least say she’d die before she let him into her life again…which was so much easier for her than the others, considering she was dying.

Suddenly Drake had taken a seat across from Brianna. What was he thinking?! She had not invited him to sit down with her! In fact she had basically told him to leave her alone! What the hell was he doing? Brianna had to close her eyes as the flash of anger spread through her features. Drake Manning was easily the most…aggravating person she had ever known, and that was saying something considering the way her sister had become lately. This was not the way this was supposed to go…not that Brianna had even really thought about it… Okay so she had, a lot. She’d been rehearsing monologue after monologue…some responses were kind and considerate to him, others were hysterical…it was pathetic and she knew it. This was not her knight in shining armor. This was not a kind, considerate man that cared for her. This was a cold, calculated womanizer that didn’t know the first thing about women and that left Brianna had an advantage in this conversation.

Wait. Stop. Backpedal. Did he just say that? Brianna’s whole body tensed at his words, her brown eyes searching his. He didn’t just tell her he’d leave if she wanted him to did he? That wasn’t Drake Manning…at least not the one that Brianna knew. He never did anything for anyone. This was too much for her as her body relaxed, her brows creasing into that familiar line of confusion as she sat across from him staring at him like she had no idea who he was and the truth was she didn’t. Silence fell across them as she didn’t respond right away to him…she didn’t know how to honestly. She was in too much confusion and the headache she’d been fighting all morning was screaming loudly in her mind again. So much for painkillers… Nails finally relaxed completely releasing her palms from her fury as she sighed softly, eyes darting to look out the window before finding Drake again.

There weren’t words for her to say…she didn’t know any…never did when he came to Drake. A light smile crossed her features for a minute as she thought about the first day they’d ever truly crossed paths. Her hands folded together in her lap as she exhaled trying to push the memory away as she looked at him before finally speaking. “Drake I owe you my apology…” she said softly her eyes automatically looking away from him now, not able to really bring her to say the words she wanted to. She had never wanted this to turn into a civilized conversation. She wanted the hostility she’d always known from Drake Manning, but once again he was so unsure of what he wanted that Brianna could only find herself being drawn further into his interesting personality. “…But first…tell me why you’re even here Drake. Isn’t this what we wanted…to not be forced into an arranged marriage that neither of us wanted? Here’s the out…I’m dying…well both be free of having to have a decision made for us. That’s the way it should have been for us. So why are you sitting here with me? I just don’t understand you.”

[Drake Manning]

Drake sat across from Brianna, fumbling uncomfortably with his wand as he let out an awkward sigh. Why did it have to be so difficult? Not only did he not know what he wanted, he didn't even know how he felt about it all. Was it anger? Fear? Drake hadn't a clue. All he knew was that it was quite frustrating. And then she did something Drake wasn't expecting.

"An apology?" He almost laughed at the thought, but stopped himself, realizing it would probably be beyond cruel. Again, it was a big step for Drake, thinking about his actions beforehand and actually considering Brianna's feelings. She hadn't officially apologized though, simply stating that she owed him an apology. Drake listened as she included the 'but' part of her statement, wanting him to provide her with some answers.

Drake tried to find an answer within himself, but it only caused him to become angry that Brianna was questioning him in the first place. "What? This isn't the way you expected me to act? Figured that the womaniser Drake Manning would walk away and forget you even existed? You're dying, and so I've found my easy out. Is that what you think?" Drake knew she had every right to think those things, but it didn't mean that he'd be less upset that Brianna was stereotyping him. It was all he deserved though, to be stereotyped. When had Drake ever acted in any other way that what would be most convenient for him?

"I don't know," he said, as though he were defeated. Drake didn't have an answer. "Sure, I didn't want to marry you, but I didn't want you to die either." His voice was highly cynical, but Drake didn't know what else to say or how else to explain himself. He was sincere when he said he'd leave Brianna alone, grant her one last dying wish, but Drake felt some sort of ease by the fact that he was willing to be civil with her. He felt like he owed her.

Normally, Drake was only kind or compassionate when he was trying to gain something from it. Manipulation. It was his vice. But there he sat, trying his hardest to be as sympathetic as he was able to be (which wasn't very easy for Drake), and he had no sort of personal gain for doing so. Or did he? Was he just trying to rid himself of all the guilt? Was he using Brianna's death as a way to make himself seem more human? Less cruel and heartless. Drake didn't know.

"Just tell me what I'm supposed to bloody do. If I should leave, I'll leave. If you want me to be here, I'm here. What more do you want?" He had hit a point of no return. It was a point of surrender. He just wanted for something to be real, something to mean something. Anything. He just wanted to feel like there was a meaning to everything, that he wasn't living a life of worthlessness. Could he even find that?

[Brianna Bowman R7]

Drake’s harshly cut words were enough to make Brianna want to pull out her wand and hex him right where he sat. Of course she was expecting him to just get up and walk out…to not talk to her, to think this was the best news he’d heard all year. It was Drake Manning for crying out loud…he was more than willing to destroy one girl’s life if it meant gaining freedom. How could she think any different? Drake was beyond cruel and that was something she and he already knew, so then why was he sitting here still…pretending that he was a good guy and that he deserved an apology because he was still sitting there with her.

Truth was that if Josephine had still been there she would have more than wanted to leave and would have demanded her sister take her from there, but as it was Josephine was off living the way she was supposed to with the friends she wanted and needed to have. So that left Brianna here, alone, face to face with a man she would rather strike than talk to, but of course there was no way out of it…not now when her strength was gone and the simple task of breathing was tiring.

Then suddenly Drake back pedaled, his whole persona changing as he seemed to give in…the cynical voice almost making her laugh out loud as she realized sitting there…that Drake seemed more like a scared little boy than she had ever thought he could be. It was like he wanted her forgiveness or something, wanted her to in some sense be all right. Brianna felt the smile curl at her lips and she had to bite her tongue to keep the laughter in, knowing that a laugh might very well turn him back into the prick he’d always been. Instead she waited for him to finish, waited for everything he had to say, the questions to be asked before she met his eyes.

“Drake…” she said, her voice soft as she pulled together the strength she had to move her arm, her hand settling on his, brown orbs retaining some of that old humor and strength, though dulled by the sickness. “I want you to be happy. I want you to laugh without having to be drunk, I want you to love without having to manipulate, but mostly I want you to be able to smile, a true sincere smile that doesn’t stem from some cruel joke. That’s all I want from you Drake…to live each day in honesty and love.” The words were soft and sincere, her cold fingers and palm still lying on top of Drake’s warm flesh waiting for the moment in which this new Drake would disappear and she’d be left alone again with the uncaring cement wall that was Drake Manning’s emotions. It was something she feared in those moments as her eyes flickered over his face waiting for some reaction.

[Drake Manning]

Drake felt himself flinch when Brianna rested her hand on his. It wasn't because he hated that she touched him. It was the way that she touched him which caused Drake to naturally want to pull his hand back as though her touch were burning through his skin. It was a soft, loving touch, and it scared Drake. "That's not possible." His voice was quiet, a sense of accepted disappointment evident in the way he avoided eye-contact as his stare showed that his mind was once again going over the idea. "I'll never be happy, Brianna. Life isn't happy." He looked at Brianna as she sat across from him, the weakness in her body more evident than ever. Why couldn't she see that life wasn't good? Life wasn't happy unless you were just fooling yourself.

"Brianna, I don't think I have to remind you that you're dying. You're sitting here, knowing that your life is coming to an end, and you're trying to tell me that you just want me to be happy? You want me to be happy in a life that brings pain and... and sickness." Drake was truly unable to comprehend the idea of true happiness.

"And you want me to... to love?" He let out a cynical sort of laugh as he shook his head. "True love doesn't even exist." Yes it does. "No... it's not even real. Love is just a lie that people tell themselves to believe that they are happy." He really hoped that Brianna wasn't going to argue with him. Drake wasn't in the mood to argue, especially when it came to happiness and love. Life was so much easier if he just accepted that he'd never be happy and that love was just a myth.

"Look, Brianna, I know we haven't know each other for very long, but I know that you know who I am. So, I don't know why you're going to sit here and pretend that I'll actually believe the things you're saying. I know that the thought of death must suck, but please, if you're going to surround yourself with optimistic thoughts of things turning out happy in the end, find someone who's going to buy into the ridiculous idea. I don't do happy, and I don't do love. I just... don't." Ironically, he wasn't trying to be cruel or trying to crush Brianna's hope. Drake was just being truthful. "Maybe I should just go." He looked again into Brianna's eyes, wishing that there was something he could do, but telling himself that there wasn't. He couldn't help Brianna. Not now. Not ever. If she wanted happiness and love, she was talking to the wrong person. "I'm a disease, Brianna, and you're already sick. I'm only going to make it worse."

[Brianna Bowman R7]

Brianna watched it…the slow drain of the new Drake, his eyes jetting away from hers avoiding all contact. She knew immediately what that meant and she couldn’t help put allow her shoulders to droop a bit more, her hopelessness to wash over her again, but at the same time she hated it. Hated that he couldn’t just wake up from whatever self-pity mode he was in. He wasn’t dying for crying out loud, yet he acted more like he was than she did. How much longer did she have left? Without the chemo treatments working Brianna was a lost case and yet here Drake was pushing what little strength she had, because he was in denial of what they both knew to be true…that he could be happy, but he just didn’t want to be.

The flinch in his form from her hands, made her slowly retract them…finally. She wasn’t going to subject him to her touch if he was going to sit there in his cold shell and that’s what it was…his cold exterior, bulletproof vest that was suddenly erected around him. It was even more apparent when his voice broke through the momentary silence…her own form tensing slightly at the verbosity of his disparaging reply. Brianna didn’t open her mouth to reply at any point during his monologue…the rhetorical questions going unanswered as he continued on. In a way…he was spilling fears to her that she had never known he had. This was not a man afraid of commitment; this was a man afraid of rejection and happiness, a man afraid of love. That small realization made a pang of sorrow hit inside her stomach, inside her heart.

When Drake had finally closed his speech Brianna did the only thing she could think of doing in that moment. Her teeth clenched tight together as she reached across the table and slapped Drake as hard as she could muster across the face. The whole of her body shook with the effort it took to keep herself sitting there, bent forward to look at him, eyes watching them from other booths before a quick glare from her sent them back to their own problems. “You listen to me Drake Manning and you listen good. Yes…I’m sick, yes I’m dying…dying of the same thing my father died of no less, but I am NOT some pathetic dying naïve girl. You can sit there and fool everyone else…hell you can even fool yourself Drake, but I know that you WANT to be happy, that you believe in love. I see that in you even where you deny it. Just because you’re scared and yes you are. If I’ve learned nothing about you over the last year I’ve learned that you are completely and utterly able to be afraid of something, I just never imagined that it would be love and happiness. So get off your pedestal…stop your never-ending pity party because I’m not joining you. I’m going to die before I graduate from Hogwarts Drake. I know this, but I’m not sitting around in a pool of my own tears trying to drown myself sooner. We don’t have much time on this earth…if there’s one thing I’ve realized it’s that…our time is short and we have to make it the very best we can as of right now. If we don’t live each day to the fullest, if we run scared all the days of our life…then when we’re laying alone on our death bed reviewing our lives we’ll only regret the times we refused to get our hands dirty,” Brianna took a deep breath her longwinded speech coming to an end as her body weakened visibly as if she had no fight left in her and she didn’t. She simply shook her head, her brown eyes watching him. “Drake…don’t make the same mistake I did. Don’t run away from love or happiness…you’ll regret it for the rest of your days.”

[Drake Manning]

There it was. The 'life has meaning' speech that any normal person might readily accept. Drake had half expected Brianna to give him that sort of speech. He knew he was being highly negative and pessimistic and that in his right mind he might realize that Brianna was right. It didn't matter thought how much truth Brianna was speaking. She could be as logical and reasonable as any lawyer or anyone skilled at debating. The only problem was that Drake wasn't normal. He wasn't logical. He wasn't sensible. And Brianna was just wasting her breath.

A heavy sigh escaped Drake as she had finished her long-winded spill of words. He had done his best to refrain from talking, as frustrating as it had been. Brianna had needed to say what she had said, despite the fact that Drake knew he'd refuse to believe or accept any of it. "Brianna..." he paused, not quite sure how to explain why he refused to listen to her 'words of advise.' "... if I could change you places, I would." What was this? Drake being a martyr? Drake having a kind and compassionate fibre in his body? "And I don't just say that because I'm a gentleman." As though he hardly needed to explain this to Brianna, Drake wanted to make sure it was clear. "I just am not afraid of death. Death is an escape, as you've said. And I'd be more than willing to take that escape. If you want to go on living life, then I'd gladly trade you spots." Drake truly would have given Brianna the chance for the happiness she seemed to believe in, even if he didn't believe in it himself. He envied her in a way. Or so he thought he did. "But I can't. I can't trade you spots. I can't take your imminent death away from you, and... and I don't even think that you're asking me to. I just think that I would, if I could. And, I don't even know why I feel the need to explain all of this in the first place." Drake's gaze had fallen to the table between Brianna and himself. He truly had started to feel weaker, more insignificant, and helpless as he sat with her. It was almost as though her death was feeding on him, and part of him didn't seem to care. It felt... normal. He had allowed it to be normal.

"I'm an apathetic, pessimistic person. I don't think you need me to remind you of that. I'm cold and empty. I just survive from one high to another. It's just who I am. I'm..." weak. The voice in his head finished his though as Drake trailed off. The walls were down, and he was vulnerable. Drake hated being vulnerable. "Look, I need to go." Drake didn't want to be around Brianna while he was defenseless. He needed to build his walls back up. Standing, Drake found himself rooted in place for a second. He starred into Brianna's eyes. So much emotion passed between them. He felt the tension, the pain, the hate. Even more, and beyond his ability to feel it though, there was a sense of love. Drake was oblivious to this, but the small fragment of love that did exist was what made him so utterly confused and lost as he starred at her. "Good bye?" It was a whisper. What was he supposed to say? He had said everything that he thought he needed to say. Would Brianna even live for Drake to see her again. Did he have a desire to make sure he saw her again? Drake didn't know.

When his legs were no longer paralyzed by his indecision and confusion, Drake turned without another word and walked out of The Three Broomsticks.