One Last Breath ((closed))

[Katherine Newcombe H4]

“Where on earth are you?” Katie cried, desperately searching around her dorm room for the essay she had written. She was now late for her class, but would rather not show up at all than arrive without a perfectly written essay. Placing her head in her hands, she groaned loudly. That essay had taken days to write. Not only that, it was, in her opinion, the best essay she had written.
“I worked so hard!” She moaned, throwing parchments and clothes onto the floor as she searched her desk. There were only a few minutes until her class commenced, and Katie was going to use them to find her essay. If she turned up with it, perhaps her professor wouldn’t be so harsh in deducting house points for her tardiness.
“This is no unlike me,” she murmured, searching in her closet for the seventh time that morning, “I’m usually so organised and hard-working.” It was true that the past few weeks had been rather hectic. Instead of her usual schedule of working for hours on her schoolwork, she had been running. Her daily jogs no longer satisfied her, so she had inadvertently begun to run for longer until she had completely neglected her other responsibilities. That had been until a few days ago when she had finally forced herself to sit down and write the essay she had avoided in favour of running. It had taken her hours of sitting, researching, writing and editing until she had finished it, and while it wasn’t the best essay she had read, it was definitely the best she had written. Now, she couldn’t remember where she had put it. Katie sat down in a defeated heap. This would never have happened to one of her sisters.

Dorothy, or Dolly as she had been dubbed by their father, was the middle child, and in Katie’s opinion, absolutely wonderful. Even after all they had gone through with Edwina, she had managed to keep the bright, sunny smile she had inherited from her mother. While Katie had become reclusive and insecure, a far cry from the vivacious child she used to be, Dolly had found her inner strength to remain positive. Once Katie had left to study at Hogwarts, she had taken Katie’s place as the eldest, and took care of their youngest sister, Grace. In all that had happened, she had remained the same person she always was; passionate, strong and caring, and used her sense of humour to give them all hope when times were hard.

In Dolly’s last few letters she had written about how she and Grace were fine, and that they were no longer scared of Edwina’s tyrannical rule, and Katie was ashamed to admit she had not felt as excited as she should have. It was clear that not only had Dolly remained the same person she always had been, but now she didn’t need any more protection. As selfish as it may seem, the one thing that Katie had felt defined her was, in one moment, taken away, and she didn’t know her place anymore. That had been why she had started running in earnest. When her heart was pounding faster than she had ever thought it could and her lungs were burning, she couldn’t worry about her loss of identity, or her place in the world. All she could worry about was how far she could go until her legs gave way. Katie glanced around the room despondently. Everything inside her screamed for her not to be jealous of her younger sister, but when she compared the two, she always came second.

It had hurt Katie deeply when her parents had first let them go and when their aunt had treated them with such disdain, yet Dolly seemed to be able to completely let it go.
“It’ll be alright,” she would always write in her letters. There was no denying that Katie loved Dolly with her heart, mind and soul, but there were times when it was still hard to look at her and not wish they had what Dolly had. In a rare moment of charity, Edwina had written Katie a letter reporting her sisters’ progress, and had commended her on ‘raising two well-balanced girls’. Katie had thrown the letter out in disgust. How could she have raised two well-balanced girls if she was hardly well-balanced herself? It was clear that Dolly had used her innate integrity to do her best for Grace, instead of relying on Katie’s useless efforts.

“Ugh!” Katie screeched as she crawled around the room, looking for her essay. She pulled the sheets from her bed and checked underneath the mattress, but still could not find her work. Biting her lip, she braced herself as she plunged her hand under the bed.
“Essay, come here essay, come he…” The word died on her lips as her hands touched a parchment.
“Yes! Ha, you thought you could hide from me, didn’t you?” She said triumphantly, pulling her hand back out, and sighing when she realised it wasn’t her essay. Katie was about to throw it away when she saw what was written on the front: To my darlings Katherine, Dorothy and Grace. It was an envelope, and Katie instantly recognised the large, swirled handwriting of her mother’s.
“Mother?” Katie asked quietly, putting her free hand over her mouth.
“Mother, mother, it’s a letter from mother,” she mumbled to herself, crawling clumsily to her feet. She stared at it for minutes, turning it over in her hands occasionally. This was her closest link to her parents, and she didn’t even have the courage to open it. The room began to spin around her, and without even thinking, she burst into tears.
“Mother,” she cried, touching the seal of the envelope. When had her mother written this? Judging from the aging envelope, and the fact that it was an envelope, she guessed it had been written in Scotland. Hundreds of questions screamed at her: How did she get it to me? When was I supposed to read it? Did Dolly and Gracie receive one also? What does it say? The last question lingered, and Katie touched the seal once more. Everything inside her yearned to read it, but still she hesitated. This letter would probably be the last time she ever heard from her mother, and Katie did not want to read it if it only said that. Living with hope had been far better than living without it. Yet, even with that knowledge, she needed to know what her dear mother had written. If it was an explanation, it might bring her closure. She deserved that, at least. With one quick, defiant nod, she tore the envelope open, clutched the letter between her hands and read.

[Katherine Newcombe H4]

Dear Katherine, Dorothy and Grace,

Katie’s hands began to shake as she saw the familiar handwriting at the top of the page. Telling herself to be calm, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Nothing in this letter could take away any comfort of her current life at Hogwarts, or love for any of her family. If her parents had in fact abandoned them for selfish reasons, then Katie and her sisters would be alright. She wasn’t pretending that it wouldn’t hurt, but they’d get through it together. Katie played with the corner of the aging paper, still unsure of the date that it was written. As she examined the paper, pretending to wonder how old it was, one question continued to haunt her: had Edwina known all along? Had she watched, as Katie, Dolly and Gracie had begged to know where their parents were, and refused to tell them even though she knew? If that was the case, then Katie wanted nothing to do with her Aunt anymore. Any trips ‘home’ would be to visit her sisters only, and not to exchange pleasant commentaries with her insensitive, unloving Aunt. The letter began to feel like lead in her hands, so Katie tucked it into her pocket and rushed out of her dorm room. She watched as the hallway turned into stairs, and the stairs into rooms, but wasn’t content until she found an empty corridor that she was able to collapse in. Her lungs felt as if they were about to burst, so she lay on the floor and panted, closing her eyes until her heartbeat resumed to its normal pace. All she had wanted was to run away; run away from any memory of her parents, the letter and the place she had been forced to call home, yet all her escape had served was to make her feel weak. The letter was still in her hand, and it still called for her to read and accept it.

It took a few minutes until she felt ready to touch the letter again, and when she did, she opened it quickly. Every thought of classes and schoolmates vanished from her mind as she caressed the words she couldn’t make herself read, until she finally placed it on the floor in front of her, and read aloud.

Oh, my darlings. I don’t know when you’ll read this, but I hope when you do, you’ll understand. Your father stands next to me as I write the letter I hoped I would never have to, and he too is crying without shame. At this moment we hear them outside, and all we cling to is the knowledge that you will be safe with Edwina. Katie, my dear Katie, please pass this letter along to your sisters. I know that it will be hard, but this was the only way. Edwina may seem stern at times, but she does love you. And I would rather you live with her, despise her as you may, then with us at the moment. We are being hunted. They have been threatening us for months; resentful of our wealth. For the past year they have systematically burned the homes of the rich, and taken them captive. Last month they took Elma Sassmen, and I have yet to hear from her. I fear the worst. Your father is currently trying to reason with them; I hear his gentle voice offering them money, houses, objects, but they no longer care. All they want is blood. I don’t know what will happen, but I could not let you be their victims, and I hope you understand that the life you live now, unfair as it may seem, is the best way. It’s the only way.

I must tell you something. I do not know what living with Edwina is like; I hope that it is carefree and happy, but I also know that may not be realistic. When your Aunt stayed with us, she kept her distance from you, and I can only assume she did that while you three beautiful girls lived with her. Let me tell you something to banish all hard thoughts against her: Edwina is only twenty-three. She is much younger than your father and I, and marriage and children is not something she wants yet. For people like her, the world is a magical and mysterious place, and she had to contend with grieving for her sister and brother-in-law while taking care of children she loved, but didn’t know how to take care of. Your Aunt is not maternal yet, and she had no idea how to take care of you. Her plan was to take all of us to her estate in England, but I knew that would not help. They hunted down the Mavericks, and they would hunt us down also. Then, they would take you. Edwina protested that she would not be a suitable mother-figure, but she was our only choice. She loves you dearly, but does not know how to show love for children. Do not think harshly of her, for she saved your lives.

Now, I must go. Their screaming is becoming louder, and I cannot bear the thought of not finishing this letter for you to read. I will hand it to Edwina, who is hiding in the basement, and she will put it in your suitcase, Katie, when you are leaving to attend Hogwarts. Take care and do your best, as you always have. Look after your sisters, and I pray Edwina will look after you. You have all my love, and your father’s love, for the rest of your lives. Remember that always. You are loved. You are precious. You are mine.

Your mother,
Lilly Newcombe.

P.S. Remember that song you wrote for me, Katie? Sing it loudly: I never thought that this could be; my chains are broken, I am free. Nothing will take you away from me; love is something you can see. You were only a child of eight, yet you captured everything my entire spirit in four lines. I am singing it now for you, all of you, so sing it for me. I love you all.

[Katherine Newcombe H4]

At first, Katie couldn’t move. She could almost hear her mother’s sweet voice as she was reading the words of the beautiful letter, and yet didn’t want to believe anything it said. One line repeated itself in her mind, and Katie felt her eyes begin to well with tears. All they want blood. How could a group of reasonable adults go after such beautiful, intelligent people? The image of her parents was almost too painful to capture, yet Katie comforted herself with them. In her mind, her parents were the smiling, laughing couple who would send their children away so that they only would be murdered, instead of the frightened, begging couple who were awaiting their fate. Murder. Katie turned the paper over, and began to shake. Now she knew what had happened to her parents; they had been murdered over something as trivial as money.

Katie stood, her eyes blazing with rage, and ran down the hallway until she reached her dorm. Reaching her room, she tore open her cupboard until she reached the place where she kept her small stash of money. With one fluid movement, she threw it to the ground, screaming as loud as she could. How could something so insignificant, so meaningless as money, ruin a person’s life? She fell to the floor and began to weep, her shoulders shaking with each violent sob, until she could cry no more. Darkness bean to cover the room, and Katie knew she would have to leave soon. It was nearly dinner, and her presence, while not missed, would probably be noticed. A Prefect may try to understand why she hadn’t attended, and she did not want to tell them that she had just discovered the truth about her parents. It was almost easier to hate them for abandoning her than mourn their lost, unselfish lives, and Katie knew she would not be able to simply ‘get over it’. The miserable words of comfort she had muttered before opening the letter were now insignificant, and she hated those who had brought such misery to her family’s life. What right did they have to destroy two people’s lives for simply having more possessions? Her parents had never exploited their workers, or treated anyone unfairly, so why were they the ones who were punished? Katie traced one finger around the floor, distracting herself with its texture and colour. She would never know why they had behaved like that, and would never want to know. The only thing that mattered now was that her sisters knew the truth, and that Edwina knew that she was appreciated.

Edwina. Katie widened her eyes in horror at her past behaviour, and began to weep once more. Her Aunt had saved them, and was treated repeatedly like she had stolen them. How a woman of twenty-three had coped with three, sullen children Katie could not comprehend, and she began to understand why her Aunt was so often in a temper. The girls had unwittingly taken away the mysterious, wonderful world she had been promised, yet with all that had been taken away from her, Edwina’s temper was never extreme or violent. Katie now saw that they were merely frustrations, not only at her youth taken away, but also her family’s death, and now hated herself for wishing her Aunt ill. The shame she felt overwhelmed her, so she quickly took a quill and parchment and began to write.

My dearest Aunt Edwina,
I only just read the letter you hid in my suitcase from my parents. All I can now say is sorry. I am sorry that I treated you as a traitor, or as someone who did not deserve my love. I tried to respect you, but what I felt was your distance made me not want to love you. I can see now that you were grieving, as well as having to take care of three girls you did not understand, and we constantly made you feel worse. We, too, were grieving, and while I know now that you could not tell us the truth, we resented you for not telling us. I hope you and the girls are well, and I also hope you know how much I love you.

Yours truly,
Katherine.

The letter was awkward and disjointed, but it would have to do. It expressed Katie’s feelings, despite being in a very inarticulate way, and served its purpose. All Katie wanted for her Aunt to know was how much she loved her, and that she was sorry for her past discretions. As hard as it was to say, she was glad she had done it, and couldn’t wait to hear a reply. Katie picked up her mother’s letter again, and read the last note.
“Remember the song you wrote for me?” She remembered it clearly. It was a terrible song, and she cringed at the childish lyrics she had written, however she remembered how much her mother loved it. Katie stood, biting her lip nervously, and held the letter out before her. She had not sung since her parents had left, and now felt she had almost betrayed her mother by doing so. The activity they had loved so dearly had been unnecessarily stolen from both of them, and while Katie did not feel ready to sing again, she knew she had to. If for no other reason than for her mother and father’ s memory. Her lips pursed, she took one last breath from her old life, and began to sing.