Take It Easy ((Carey))

[Loki Fen'Rolphus G6]

September tenth, seventeen years ago, Loki Fen’Rolphus was brought, whining and wailing, into this breathing world. It was a happy day of course, for his parents, for the entire werewolf community actually, for, Loki was born to be patronized by none other than Fenrir Greyback himself. There was no other honor such as this. Greyback practically commanded the entirety of the community. To bear the child that was chose to be set in a place to one day take the place of Greyback was the highest honor the community could bestow. Every mother hoped she would be the one to bear the child, but no such luck. Only the Flynn’s. Why they had been chosen, no one really knew. It was suspected that Mr. Flynn had made some sort of bargain with Fenrir. What exactly the arrangements were, Loki had never understood. There were whispers of servitude. Indentured servitude of the parents. It wasn’t ever sure. Yes, when Loki started to get older he always noted that his parents looked far more haggard than most of the others of the community. He knew that they both were gone, every full moon, no exceptions. But where exactly they went, and why, he never knew. Honestly, Loki had never taken the care to find out anything about his parents. As a child his life before leaving for Hogwarts was outstanding. He was born with privileges that some adults didn’t even manage to gain in all their lives. He was proud. He would never deny the pride he had for his placement. But, now, he did regret not taking care in his parents’ lives. They had given so much up for him. Possibly, more than likely, even their lives. He owed them something didn’t he? It didn’t matter.

At this moment, the only thing that mattered was the thoughts going through Loki’s mind as he sat on a couch and watched all his acquaintances run around and talk and eat and have an all around good time. Loki didn’t like to brag...ok so he did. And he often bragged that his party could be seen by at least half the school as the highlight of the year. Loki through the best parties out of any student he knew. He had talked people into giving him permission to throw it in the student lounge (that way everyone in any house could attend if they chose –Loki never turned down anyone to his party. No matter who they were or what house they were in. Loki even had a sneaky suspicion that Ethan Jacobs was around the party somewhere. He had no doubt that kid would utilize a party like this. It would definitely be to his advantage. With the amount of females (partying females mind you) that would show up to a party like this would surely keep Ethan busy...then again...the amount of girls at the party turned out to be insignificant in the end. Because out of all the girls that had shown up to Loki’s party, the one girl he wanted to be there...had not showed up. Where she was, Loki had not a clue, but her absence had most definitely ruined his night. For the first ten minutes of the party he had been hopeful. Maybe she had decided to come fashionably late. But he slowly had gotten impatient, and by now, at least two hours since the beginning of the party, Loki was beyond frustrated. He never thought he could get mad at Carey...but now... he was definitely upset. She had promised to come hadn’t she? What had happened in the last week...

She had stopped talking to him. That’s what had happened. This in and of itself complexly lost Loki. A week ago today he had met her after potions, hung out with her half the day and walked her to her dorm after dinner. Then things might have gotten weird. All Loki could think was that things between them must be awkward now. That she most definitely didn’t feel the same way about him as he felt about her. The kiss had been quick, and when Loki pulled away the shocked, but well...mostly happy smile he had thought he had seen on her face...well...Loki had thought it had said that she felt the same way. He had assumed that it was a good facial expression...he had thought... But now? Now it was the only thing Loki could think that might have caused her to stop talking to him. Then there was that one kid that Loki had seen out of the corner of his eye as he walked off after the kiss, but that didn’t matter at all. Loki was just, completely at a loss for what had gone wrong. The past week had hurt worse than ever. Loki still went to her classes, but after the third day of her walking off without even looking at him he had stopped. He still waited for her before meals, but she had begun going in groups of Hufflepuffs and completely disregarding him, even when he called her name. She wouldn’t look at him at dinner, even though before they had constantly made looks at each other throughout meals. Now, things were completely different. As if there had been some cosmic shift in the universe. Part of him, more than half of him had been hoping that she...no, praying that she would at least show up at his party to say happy birthday. She still cared about his birthday didn’t she? Didn’t she?

Loki had had enough of this. Enough guessing, enough wondering, enough questioning. Enough being alone. He couldn’t stand it; he just couldn’t stand life without her. One more day, no, one more hour, NO! One more minute of being without her would kill him, he knew it. And so he stood, rather angrily, and shuffled quickly from his own party. He didn’t want to make a scene, but he most definitely did. He didn’t care however, he had places to be. He had a girl to get. Loki had never moved through the hallways so fast. He knew the way straight to the Hufflepuff dorms of course, he had walked Carey there nearly every day all school year. So finding it wasn’t a problem. However, approaching it was. “I DIDN’T KISS HER! I SWEAR IT!” The tiny knight wasted no time dropping his sword and launching his arms up into the air. His equally tiny donkey also wasted no time looking up at the frightened knight, obviously this was nothing out of the ordinary. “Oh you miniature oaf shut up! I haven’t thought for a single second you’d have kissed her. All I want to know is where she is...is she in there?!” Loki had no time for niceties. He had no time to be friendly. He stood in front of the portrait shouting at its occupant and didn’t feel at all guilty for doing it. Cadogan however, seemed to have new confidence and so he picked up his two dimensional sword and waved it at Loki. “No raving lunatic like yourself is getting to a fine lady such as Miss Brighton. You’ll not come within a meter of her, I’ll not let you. I take a vow now, an oath, that I, the brave and no-“ “Oh enough already you worthless, spineless, aluminum, brush stroke!” Loki wasn’t even going to bother with trying to talk his way inside the common room, and so, raising a fist, he pounded on the door. “Carey! Carey Brighton you come down here right now! You owe me an explanation!” Yes, a crowd was building up behind him, but did Loki care? No. All he cared about was Carey. And he’d do whatever it took to get to her. Ignoring Cadogan’s shouts of complain, and insults...and threats...Loki continued to pound on the door, over, and over, and over again. She’d come...eventually.

[Carey Brighton H5]

It wasn’t like it felt right to avoid him like she had been. In fact, it had felt rather terrible. Carey wasn’t one to avoid things or people (especially her best friend) because she didn’t believe it solved anything. Why she had been avoiding Loki was a constant battle inside her head. She could still remember the conversation that had made her sceptical about Loki’s motives. She should have known better than to believe something from someone other than Loki, but Carey was very impressionable at that specific moment in time. Carey, now sitting in the common room (like she did most of the time these days), closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she replayed a week ago from that day in her head. They were walking to the common room after a bit of writing of an essay and they had paused outside the portrait hole (Sir Cadogan sleeping in the portrait) and then he did it. He kissed her. Carey hadn’t expected that but she also didn’t push him away. When he walked away, Carey took a moment to gather her bearings and then woke the sleeping knight to gain entrance to the common room. Carey opened her eyes and rubbed them The kiss wasn’t why she was avoiding Loki. No, that was a whole different reason. She groaned and pulled her knees up to her chest – resting her forehead on them as she tried to block out the shame that was creeping into her body. She shouldn’t have avoided him…on his birthday, no less. But what was Carey to do? What did anyone do when someone told them to be wary of someone else?

“You need to watch out for him, Carey…” She looked up at the fellow Hufflepuff fifth year, and prefect, that she had been studying with. They had known each other for awhile and Carey had always respected his opinion, “What are you talking about, Timothy?” The boy let out a lengthy sigh and adjusted his Prefect badge before even bothering to explain; “Loki’s a bad case, Care. He treats younger students like crap. A few of us are worried about what his…erm…motives….with you are…” Carey’s anger had instantly flared and she had started to pack up her things while Timothy had started to protest, “We’re only looking out for your best interest, Carey.” She shoved her things into her bookbag and then shoved that onto her shoulder, “Well, THANK YOU for being SO concerned about my BLOODY welfare!” And it was with that, that Carey stomped off toward her dorm. At first, Carey had completely written that off as bollocks. But that night, as she had tried to fall asleep, she couldn’t shake the thought. It had been an initial fear. Loki using her and then getting bored with her and tossing her aside, that is. Now, though, she was starting to wonder how much avoiding him was worth. It was killing her to be away from him, but there was a voice inside her preaching caution. It was a small voice, just a tiny one, but Carey could hear it. Especially when it was whispering in her ear at night. Perhaps she sounded a bit insane, but she couldn’t help it. She was constantly rationalizing with herself over her decision to avoid Loki. She didn’t want to realize that in the end – it hadn’t done much good at all. It probably wouldn’t regardless, but…Carey didn’t know what to do.

Carey took a deep, shaky, breath and lowered her legs so her feet touched the wooden floor. Her eyes were locked on her Charms essay, but she wasn’t seeing it. She was seeing past it. The essay was partially done, but now she just couldn’t focus. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world…” She felt just terrible missing his birthday. Carey blinked back tears as she picked up her quill and inked it – deciding to keep busy, to keep her mind off Loki Fen’Rolphus. She set the quill tip to the parchment and started to write when there was a loud (muffled) shout from the portrait hole. Cadogan and someone else were arguing and then there was pounding. Carey was certain she had heard her name – and that was what caused her to stand head to the entrance; that and her Prefect “duty.” She took another deep breath as there was another muffled shout from the other side of the portrait and she closed her eyes to calm herself. She really didn’t want to deal with petulant first years who forgot the password. The portrait swung open as she stepped toward it and revealed a large crowd gathered behind one person. Her eyes travelled over the crowd first – noticing most were Hufflepuffs (undoubtedly wanting to get inside) and that some were from other houses. Carey then let her eyes dance to the person who had been banging on the portrait and she froze. Shame washed over her for a brief second and then anger replaced the emotion. What did he think he was doing?! They stared at each other a moment – Loki quite out of breath and Carey breathing evenly with her hands relaxed by her sides. People were staring at them, as if they were the most entertaining thing at Hogwarts…as if there weren’t anything like ghosts floating around all day.

Carey broke the steely gaze that she and Loki had to turn her glare on the growing crowd, “Move along, then! To your commons with you! Go on! Before I dock points!” Her anger was quite apparent and most people hadn’t ever seen her angry, so they scattered in fear (the house point threat might have been of some assistance). The portrait shut, revealing Cadogan (still brandishing his sword, “Have at ye!”). Then it was silent, except for Cadogan, and Carey was forced to look at Loki again. Her brown eyes softened a bit as she looked at him – and then the shame washed over her again. She knew she shouldn’t have avoided him and she regretted doing it now. The silence hung over them again (“Fair maiden have no fear! I, Sir Cadogan the Gallant, shall save you from this raving lunatic!”) and Carey felt herself deflate slightly, but not too much. There he was standing at arms length; why had she avoided him? “Fair Maiden! Stand aside and al-…” “Oh, shut UP you ridiculous minuscule tin can! Before I burn you out of that painting and out of existence!” Carey had snapped her glare to Cadogan who now shrunk away and turned to walk down a pathway into some woods in the background. Her eyes remained on the painting for a moment longer before she looked at Loki yet again. She opened her mouth to say something but then closed it and her eyes. Taking a very, very, deep breath, she opened her eyes and said in a tiny tone of voice – but one with an air of confidence; “Happy Birthday, Fen’Rolphus; I’m sorry I didn’t make the party. I probably wasn’t missed much, anyway.” She stared at him a moment and then looked away, crossing her arms, “What’re you doing here anyway, Loki?”

[Loki Fen'Rolphus G6]

Loki didn’t care at all that a crowd was gathering. A few people had asked him to move so they could get inside. Some had told him to calm down, to take it easy, take a deep breath and stop yelling, but all in all Loki just didn’t have time for that. And Sir Cadogan was definitely not making things any better. Loki was seriously on the verge of tearing the portrait off the wall in the very least when it swung open and Cadogan’s obnoxious voice was muffled by the wall it was no against. Loki took a deep breath, expecting to find himself facing another hufflepuff that he would have to shout down until he finally got to Carey, but instead, getting to Carey was immediate. Loki was breathing hard, and just staring at her, though, at the moment, he had a feeling she hadn’t noticed him. She was looking over the crowd of students that had gathered behind Loki, her eyes had not yet set on him, but his were definitely set on her. Loki was...stunned. In awe you could say because for the first time ever, the fact that Carey was insanely beautiful hit him hard in the face. He was sure he was shaking slightly, but whether it was from anger or nerves he wasn’t sure. Her presence was...intimidating to say the least. Everything about her was amazing; Loki couldn’t deny it anymore that he was indeed attracted to her, physically and mentally, and emotionally. She was just...wonderful. She had it all. Looks, brains, wit. Loki knew now, exactly why he had been dying the last week. Carey had filled up a section of him that no one else ever had. It’s that saying that you don’t know what you’ve been missing till you have it. Loki hadn’t ever noticed that he had been missing something, until Carey came. And now that she was gone, he was definitely feeling the loss.

Finally her eyes set on him and Loki lost himself inside them. He lost his breath looking at her, shocked by how strongly he felt for her. Again, she looked away from him, but this time she was telling the crowd to disperse and it did...quickly. Loki smiled weakly at how authoritative she could be. Half the crowd ran into the common room and the others filed down the corridor. When they were all alone...well...almost alone...the portrait closed and there he was again. That tiny, arrogant, no-good, loud, bothersome, worthless knight! Loki was right on the verge of going at the painting again when Carey turned and glared at the small man. Loki once again, had to hold back laughter as she insulted, and silenced the poor fool and sent him off into the wood to sulk. Loki couldn’t take his eyes off her now. His heart was pounding and he was more sure than ever that he was shaking. He took a quick breath when she opened her mouth, expecting an onslaught of words that would tear him apart for his unknown error, but instead, nothing. He waited once more and then shrunk back when she finally did speak. Her words were not the type to strike fear in one, but the kind to strike a feeling of uselessness, of unimportance of and of downright minisculeness...if that’s a word. Loki’s mind was a mess. A mess of romance, frustration, sadness. To be honest he didn’t know where to begin, how to defend himself, how to tell her what he was thinking. The first thing that came to mind was the first thing he let spill out of his mouth. His voice was softer than usual, not soft in a careful way but in a disappointed, torn down to the bear minimal way. “Is that what we’ve come to? Within the last week? Have we gotten to the point where you can’t even look at me Carey? To the point where I’m ‘Fen’Rolphus’ now?” Sure, she used to call him Fen’Rolphus occasionally but even then it was different. It was in an affectionate tone, not the way she had just used it. She would know what he meant.

Loki sighed and closed his eyes, shaking his head vehemently. He let her finish her thought before looking up again, new determination building inside him. “What am I doing here? Did you just ask what I’m doing here Carey? What do you think I’m doing here?” He shook his head again and took a deep breath; he didn’t want to yell at her. He wanted to keep his calm. For all the time he’d known her he had never needed to raise his voice at her. He knew that the two of them could have a mature conversation without yelling and shouting and being...well..immature. He looked at her seriously. “I’m here for you Carey. You were, in fact, quite missed at my party. You know you’re the only person I was looking forward to seeing? But hey, you didn’t show up. So I guess I’m here to find out why. I sat and waited for you, and I thought maybe, even though you’ve blown me off all week long, maybe you’d be at my party like you said you would. I mean...” He scowled, the frustration he’d been feeling all week peaking. “I thought I was the one who was supposedly going to “hop off” But apparently, you decided you preferred to do it yourself. Here I was never planning on ever leaving you, but I guess you just got tired of me.” Loki let it out. He knew he sounded like a jerk, and the second he said it he knew it was wrong. But it was out, what was done was done and the whole was dug. Building the ladder to get out? That would be the tricky part.

[Carey Brighton H5]

“Oh, Loki…” Carey’s voice was soft and she knew guilt was thick in it, but she made no move to cover it up. “No, of course not…” She wanted to be able to tell him all about how sorry she was – all about how she needed him to forgive her. How stupid she had been. But she couldn’t find the words. She couldn’t find any of them. None of them. And normally Carey was good with words, good with expressing her apologies, but now? In this precise situation? It was difficult for Carey to do anything because she felt so strongly for him – she…Carey sighed outwardly and closed her eyes, lowering her head so when she opened them again she was staring at the floor (or more precisely, at her feet). Where had things gone wrong? Oh, yes, when she had listened to Timothy go on about how Loki was probably just using her. When she had let it get to her when she probably shouldn’t have done that. When she knew she shouldn’t have done that. Carey looked back up at Loki after she had asked her question, and had to control herself so she wouldn’t step back in trepidation – so she wouldn’t cry as she looked at him. It wasn’t like the guilt wasn’t eating her up inside; she had lost sleep over avoiding Loki, but she had a feeling that Loki had no idea what this was about…of course he didn’t have any idea. Why would he? She had avoided him without telling him why she was doing it. She was stupid, but we’ve already covered this. “Yes..” Carey squeaked out timidly after he had asked if she had really asked that. It was a fair question – perhaps a stupid one – but a fair one nonetheless, “I don’t know…” she added in that same timid voice as she gingerly teetered on her feet, her eyes looking down again. She felt so ashamed.

Then the shame turned to…well…just feeling downright terrible. Tears sprung into her eyes at Loki’s words, and although she knew she deserved every single thing he was saying – Carey still hadn’t ever anticipated the sting they would ensue. She closed her eyes tight and shook her head slightly as the tears fell down her cheeks, “Loki…don’t….don’t think I got tired of you. I…I didn’t get tired of you. I…” Carey laughed slightly and very pathetically and shook her head again as she looked up at him through tears, “ it’s impossible to get tired of you Loki Fen’Rolphus. Especially when you inhabit nearly every single one of my thoughts.” Her voice was quiet again, almost nearly inaudible, but she knew Loki would be able to hear her. Carey took a deep breath and closed her eyes, relaxing her body from the top of her head to the bottom of her feet. She felt the serenity wash over her and when she opened her eyes, she looked straight at Loki; “You want to know why I’ve been avoiding you, Loki? Why I didn’t come to your party? Why I walk right past you in the hallway even though it kills me to do it? You want to know all of those things?” She took a step toward him; the tears in her eyes were now tears of frustration, “Gossip. That’s why. Gossip and false things. Things that shouldn’t matter to me because I’m above all that stuff. But it’s rather hard to ignore things that you think are going to hurt you – even if they might not be completely true.” Carey knew she was rambling, and she knew that Loki would understand a little bit better than someone else would – but he still wouldn’t get it completely. So, she continued…

“We’re just worried about your wellbeing, Carey…” Her voice rose in mocking of all the people who had talked to her about the relationship she had with Loki, “We don’t want to see you hurt, Carey. You’re a great girl, Carey. You’re a year younger than him, Carey. Don’t you know how he treats younger students, Carey?” Carey scowled and threw her hands up in the air in apparent agitation; “I don’t know WHY I did it, Loki! I’ve been trying to figure it out all week… all that is going through my head is, how could I do that to you? How could I do that to me? It’s not logical, but I did it and…” Carey stopped and deflated, bowing her head and letting her shoulders slump slightly. She did not look like Carey Brighton, then. She looked like someone completely different, “and I’m sorry for it. I’m terribly, utterly, completely, sorry for avoiding you.”

[Loki Fen'Rolphus G6]

Loki knew, he knew what he was saying was harsh. Of course it was harsh, he was totally and completely accusing her. Accusing her of not carrying about him. He knew she cared about him, he really, really did. He wanted to just let her know how much he cared about her however, but he just...he just couldn’t say it. Not yet, not with the current way the conversation was going. Not after he’d just chewed her out for not talking to him. No, he couldn’t tell her now, but it was evident in her change of voice that she realized he was hurt. Loki should have known that Carey had never meant to hurt him. Carey wasn’t like that. Loki knew Carey, and he knew she would never purposefully hurt him. The words flew from Loki’s mouth before he honestly had a chance to weigh the validity of his argument. She wasn’t looking at him, again. It was like the sight of him upset her. Like seeing him there was hard for her and he honestly didn’t blame her. Seeing her there, standing so close to him was paining him. Not the sight of her of course, but of the fact that he had been away from her so long he literally ached for her. Loki had never spent so many hours without hugging her, without getting his kiss on the cheek, without just being with her. He had never gone so long without hearing her voice. Without feeling her touch, on his cheek, his hand, his arm, his hair. She was always so close to him and in the past week she had been so far it seemed like they had been separated by an ocean.

Loki had finished his entire argument before she spoke. Once again her words tore him down and set him into a realization of how childish he was being. He stopped breathing when she told him he occupied everyone of her thoughts, and he opened his mouth to tell her he felt the same but no sound came out. Only a breath of air rushed in. It was like someone had hit him in the chest. But it didn’t hurt, no, it felt good. It had only emptied his lungs, not hurt. Loki stood silently, taking shaky breaths as Carey closed her eyes and calmed herself. She had always been so much better at doing that then he had ever been before. Loki nearly shrank away again when she looked at him again, but he did not take his eyes from hers. When she stepped closer, he could see them, the tears. He could see the sadness, and he couldn’t deny that he was feeling low. The lowest of the low. Wow, Loki, you’re a jerk. He knew he had been a jerk. He knew he hadn’t talked to her the way the two normally talked. He had been rude and condescending and careless. But what was he supposed to say? The pain and frustration had just...swallowed him whole. Swallowed him to the point where he could no longer stand it and the only way he could get it out was in those words. Those words he had tossed at her. Those words he couldn’t just keep to himself. He had lashed out. He had lashed out like the animal he was always classified as. And so, he was low. He hadn’t been the man he wanted to be in that moment. He had been the same cold, careless person he had been raised by. Loki would never be that again. Not to Carey.

Loki was confused, he couldn’t hide his confusion of course, the look he gave her must have given that away. Gossip? What kind of gossip. Oh, that kind of gossip. Loki’s soft expression immediately turned to a glare when the mention of his treatment of younger years came up. Loki had known that would haunt him, but never to what extent. She finished, she hung her head and apologized and...And she had no reason to. She had been just as confused as Loki was sure he was. She had no reason to be so sorry. But...but in a relationship...you had to work together through those things. They were bound to happen...but as long as you were together...you would work it out. As long as you...as long as you both...The distance was impossible. It was too much and Loki couldn’t stand it. He stepped forward, closing the gap between them that had seemed like miles, and moved his hands to her arms, like he normally did when she wouldn’t look at him. A hand moved up to turn her chin up to him and his voice started soft. “Hey...Carey...I...” It was hard to stay so soft when the way he felt was so strong. “Carey you are the most amazing girl I’ve ever met in my life. And I don’t know what sort of idiot has been telling you those sorts of things but...but he doesn’t have a clue what he’s talking about.” He shook his head vehemently. “You’re not like the other students Carey! You’re nothing like them at all! You’re not just some other younger student, you’re Carey Brighton. You’re amazing, wonderful, special. You’re smart and funny and...So beautiful.” He looked her straight in the eyes now, giving up on keeping secrets. He had no secrets from her. “You’re absolutely perfect. And I don’t know who’s been telling you those things, but Lord are they wrong...because I love you Carey Brighton. I am totally and completely, head over heels, in love with you and I have been for as long as I can remember...And why I haven’t told you till now I have no idea, I have no idea why I haven’t told you that you are absolutely the most important thing to me in all the wolrd and that I cant possibly go one more day without you knowing, without screaming from the top of the highest tower in this bloody school...” Loki let his hands drop from her arms and he turned around to face the empty corridor, raising his hands over his head and just letting himself shout like he had been wanting to for so long; “that Loki Fen’Rolphus is completely in love with Carey Brighton!”

[Carey Brighton H5]

Carey was fighting every urge inside of her to just turn around and head back into the common room where she could cry in peace until her dorm mates arrived and asked her pestering questions. She could not run out on Loki, not now, not again. She wouldn’t avoid him again. That was stupid of her and she knew it – so why would she do it again. Carey trembled and balled her hands into fists to keep her trembles from showing in them. When Loki had closed the gap between them and had put his hands on her arms, the trembling ceased immediately. She breathed in sharply, just revelling in how his touch could calm her like that. He tilted her chin up so she had to look at him, and Carey kept the tears in her eyes as she looked into his. This was the closest they had come physically in a week and his hand on her face, on her arm, was just heaven. Carey closed her eyes for a moment as he spoke, partially to focus on his voice and partially to get rid of the tears that pooled in them. After he had trailed off, Carey opened her now dry eyes and looked up at him – sadness and guilt and apologies in them. She reached a shaky hand up and took his from her chin, bringing the palm to her lips as he spoke. He thought too highly of her. She knew he thought too highly of her, too kindly – but Carey wasn’t going to argue with him about it; not right now. Perhaps later, when they were back to how they used to be, she’d mention how she wasn’t all of those things he had just said. Her eyes locked on his when he told her she was beautiful, a small blush rising to her cheeks, and she placed his hand on her right cheek, her hand still over it as she closed her eyes.

He continued talking and when he told her he loved her, Carey’s eyes snapped open. Of course, her mind had instantly gone to a romantic sense – the IN love, kind of love – but she knew that Loki could have meant it platonically. It was completely possible, and Carey didn’t want to get her hopes up. Instead of having to ask him (which she was going to do, regardless of how foolish she might have felt doing it) which type of love he had meant; Loki kept talking. Carey had forgotten how to breathe. What was it that you had to do to get oxygen into your lungs? Oh, yes, she remembered – and yet she still couldn’t breathe. He was in love with her. He. Was in love. With her. It was…a strange concept – a foreign concept – and yet Carey didn’t run from it like she ran from most foreign concepts. She still hadn’t breathed when he moved away and threw his arms up in the air, shouting that he loved her – no, that he was IN love with her. She stared at him, her breath caught in her lungs for a few more moments before she started to get dizzy. Carey let out a lengthy breath and then inhaled some air, shaking still as she closed her eyes. He had just told her he was in love with her and…and…and what? What was she going to do? How was she going to react? What was she going to say? Carey looked at him, as she thought about what her response should be. Carey was like that – she liked knowing what she should say; what was right. But was there anything right? No. There was no right or wrong with this sort of thing.

“Um…” her voice sounded quite breathless (perhaps that had something to do with the fact that she was still having trouble breathing) and she probably sounded quite hesitant…but she wasn’t. Not really. For, it had just hit her…not that she hadn’t thought about it being a possibility before…but it had just hit her that - she was indeed in love with Loki. She knew she cared about him, a lot. She cared about him more than she had ever cared about anyone else. She cared about what he thought, what his opinions were, things like that – things that she would normally disregard from anyone else because she….just didn’t have it in her to spare a few seconds to actually think about their opinion being better than hers. Loki, however, she would actually listen and then ponder whether or not he was right and she was wrong. There were things that Loki did that caused Carey to do things she normally wouldn’t have done. She loved it. And she realized now why that was so. It was just one of those little reasons that made her fall in love with him. “Um…” she said again, trying to control her shaking and taking another step toward him, “you…you’re in love with me, Loki?” “Well, he just said that didn’t he!?” Carey spun around and looked at the portrait to see Cadogan back (he must’ve returned when Loki shouted) and she sent him a quick glare; “Go on, fair maiden, we both know your heart lies with him and not with me. I shall have another chance! I vow that I shall win your heart!”

“Go back to the woods and get mauled by a bear.” Carey snapped but not as harshly as she would have before. Cadogan looked wounded, “One of these days I shall sweep you away, fair maiden, and you shall see…you shall see…but for now – I bid thee farewell! Onward loyal steed!” Cadogan kicked his donkey with his heels and they set off at a wobbly and slow pace. Carey sighed and turned back to Loki, “As arrogant and…idiotic as he is…he…is right you know.” She quickly did a double take, “I mean! About my heart being with you not…not with him…heh.” Carey closed her eyes and mentally admonished herself, but took a moment to calm herself and then opened her eyes and looked straight at Loki; “He’s right about it, not only is my heart yours – wow, that sounds so cliché – but…I’m completely in love with you, too…”

[Loki Fen'Rolphus G6]

Loki smiled softly as Carey kissed his palm and then more when she set his hand on her cheek, hers covering it. He slid his thumb gently over her cheek as he spoke about how great she was, how smart, funny, beautiful. Loki had always recognized that it was these little things that made their friendship so...so much different from other friendships. Neither of them had admitted it, but it was definitely clear to everyone around them that there was more to them then just friends. And no, I don’t mean like friends with benefits. I mean like friends who care for each other deeper than just normal friends did. Their friendship was definitely deeper than normal friendships were. Loki...he felt so strongly for her that being apart physically hurt him. He needed her. She was like oxygen in his world. Oxygen for his mind, for his heart. Her touch, just the simple touch of her hand over his slowed his heart beat down to the point where he felt like time itself had slowed. Of course, he didn’t have time to relish in it, for he soon had pulled away to shout at an empty corridor. Why exactly he had done that he still wasn’t sure. I mean, probably just to make a point? Yes, to make a point. To show Carey that he wasn’t at all ashamed of his feelings and he’d happily tell anyone who asked him that she was his world. Because she was. She totally was.

After shouting Loki turned around, breathless again. Things like this seemed to wear Loki out more than any sort of physically strenuous activity ever did. Loki seemed to tire himself when his mind, emotions, and body were all moving at once. Then again, that made sense didn’t it? It was definitely a full workout, thought, more definitely worth it. Loki looked at her, his shoulders slumped more so then usual and his face, not so much tired as...strained. This whole idea, concept, feeling, had been wanting to burst out of him for at least a month now. What else was he to look right after he’d said it? Inside, he was alive, refreshed, ready to go, but outside he was tired. And for more reasons than just his shouting and flailing. Loki knew that Carey was feeling bad. And honestly he felt bad himself. How had he treated her? Not well that was for sure. He had been a jerk when he’d come down. Yelling at her just because he was stressed, not giving her the time to explain herself. He had just jumped right into accusations and he knew that he would never whole-ey forgive himself for being that way to her. Loki just stood there though, staring at her. He’d said it all. He’d gotten it all out and now, now it was up to her. Where she would take it however? Loki had no idea. It was all in her hands now. He could only pray for the best.

He let her stammer. Well not stammer, but um. He knew that if he had just watched the show that had unfolded before her he would probably be uming at himself too. Loki had obviously been a little dramatic, but that was how he felt. He felt so over the top for her that the only way to describe it was by being over the top. Loki waited and when she took a step towards him, he took a step towards her. Loki moved his head in a slight nod and then he let his head hang as he heard the all too familiar voice barge in once again. Loki didn’t have the mental strength to deal with Cadogan then. His whole body was threatening to burst into shakes and he knew he had to hold himself together until, at least, he heard Carey’s reply. He smiled softly when Carey told the mini knight to go get mauled by a bear, and then wondered if Cadogan could find a bear in the woods if no bear was painted in the woods...Technically then, could the man even go off into the woods if the insides of the woods were not painted? Wouldn’t he just walk into a flat surface? Oh well, it didn’t matter. Carey mattered. Paintings, paintings he would discuss with her later. Carey would talk to him about paintings. But right now he had to get the two of them back into a relationship where it wouldn’t be awkward to talk about paintings. Could he do that? Surely not alone. It would take them both.

Loki looked up at her confused when she said Cadogan was right, and then let himself chuckle when she corrected herself quickly. He smiled softly at her and then knew for a fact, without a doubt, that his heart stopped. His breath fell short and he couldn’t move. The whold world paused when she said it. When she said the words he had been dying to hear for so long. And the second he could move, and think, and...kind of breath again, he stepped forward, once again closing the space between them, and kissed her. Not a quick, stolen kiss this time. But a real, full, soft, slow, passionate, loving, kiss. The kiss he had dreamt of giving her since the moment he met her. The kiss he had always denied himself. He kissed her, and wrapped his arms around her waist tight, pulling her body closer to him then every before. Would he let her go now? There was no conceivable way.

[Carey Brighton H5]

The last time he had kissed her, the kiss was quick - stolen. She hadn’t had time to respond because it was over so quickly. Carey had often sat and thought about how she would have reacted if she had been given the opportunity. Big scenes of romance had erupted in her head (all of this had just made her feel worse about avoiding him).If only, she kept telling herself, if only she had been given the chance to kiss him back. Carey had always been a bit upset when she would think about it, but any negative thoughts disappeared when Loki pulled her into a kiss. This kiss wasn’t like the other one, not quick and stolen or, even, nearly unfeeling. This kiss was long, deliberate, soft, passionate. This kiss was the romantic one that Carey had daydreamt about so often after he had stolen that first kiss. Her heart stopped as Loki’s arms encircled her waist and pulled her body tight to his. It took her a moment to get her arms to move around his neck, but it hadn’t taken her nearly as long to kiss him back, though. Carey had wanted this particular kiss for so long – longer than the past week for sure. Loki had stolen that kiss, and although it had been the reason Timothy had cornered her – it was basically the awakening inside of her. As they stood, lip locked, the portrait hole opened and a group of girls filed out. There was some giggling, as girls usually do, but Carey didn’t notice. She connected another soft kiss once she realized the first one was coming to an end. She didn’t want the kiss to end so soon. And she knew that the second kiss was coming to an end already. The kiss broke and then everything came crashing down. Carey looked at Loki, sadness clouding her eyes as she let her head rest against his chest. She knew she never would feel alright. She would never forgive herself, for avoiding him. It hurt her, but most of all; it hurt him. Carey couldn’t believe she had hurt him. She couldn’t believe she had been so stupid.

“I really do love you, Loki. I have…perhaps not from the moment I met you – I think I fell in love with your drummable head first,” she smiled weakly and turned, burying her face in his chest – wrapping her arms around his waist and clasping her hands behind his back, “but I have loved you for awhile. It was stupid of me to avoid you, but I had this huge fear that perhaps you were using me and that…it would hurt when you decided you were finished using me and you would cast me aside. I don’t deal with being hurt well. At all.” Carey bit her lip and closed her eyes tight, trying not to let her voice break; “I don’t know why I did it, Loki, really I don’t and I wish I hadn’t but…ugh, I did and that’s what matters. I did and now I owe you the world.” She looked up at him with tears in her eyes; “Tell me what I can do to make you forgive me, tell me what I can do to put this behind us; to erase the memory of me avoiding you from our memories. I want to be able to sit down, talk about it and say ‘yeah, it happened – but we moved past it.’ I don’t want you to beat yourself up over it and I don’t want to beat myself up over it, either. Loki, I want this past us. D’you think it can be put past us?” It was a silly question because of course Loki was going to say they could put it past them. Carey just needed reassurance, closure. Something to give her the okay to move on with her life and her feelings toward Loki without being painfully reminded of her stupid mistake. She stared at him a moment and then she buried her face in his chest again.

Carey was always capable of finding comfort in doing that – even before the whole declaration of their love for each other; Carey would bury her face in his chest and breathe in his scent. It calmed her and comforted her and made her forget any worries that she had at all. It was something that had surprised her when she had first done it. Usually when Carey was worried about something, she was really worried. It took her forever to get unworried and the fact that Loki could make her just forget about all of her worries – all of her stresses, was mindblowing and Carey loved it. She loved that he could do that to her. She loved everything he could do. In fact, she even loved that he could make her feel guilty for avoiding him because no one else had ever been able to do that. If Carey avoided someone it was because she felt she had an actual reason to, a valid one, and there was no reason to feel guilty with a valid reason. With Loki, however, she felt terrible and she loved that he could do that because it made her realize just how much she loved him. Of course, if she told him this he’d give her a look and then say something about how he doesn’t love the fact that he makes her feel bad – it was predictable, but Carey didn’t plan on telling him this, not at this moment. No, instead, she snuggled her face against his chest and sniffled after she had realized she couldn’t breathe through her nose.

[Loki Fen'Rolphus G6]

Loki did notice when the other girls came out of the classroom, but did the kiss change? Well not negatively. Loki (if it was possible) pulled her even closer to him and kissed her even more passionately as the girls walked by, and the giggles only made him smile more then he already was. He wasn’t ashamed of the kiss, or embarrassed by it. He was proud of it. It was something he had wanted for so long. The feeling of her arms around his neck, her lips on his, kissing him back. Oh but if that wasn’t great enough, it was past great when she connected another kiss to his. He couldn’t keep his heart pounding at a steady beat. One moment it was hardly beating at all and the next it felt like it would bang its way right out of Loki’s chest. It was amazing. Just those two kisses were like roller coasters. Though, Loki had never been on a roller coaster, so of course he would not describe it that way, seeing as he had no idea what they were. I mean, roller coasters are muggle rides and Loki’s been in a very sheltered magical environment his whole life and if you were to tell him that sometimes muggles sat in wheeled carts that took them around sharp curves and around loops at high speeds with only seat belts and restraining devices and their faith in the machinery to keep them alive...well...Loki would probably wonder how on earth the muggle lifespan was so long. I mean, wouldn’t muggles be falling to their deaths all over the place? Who on earth would go on such a ridiculous dangerous contraption just for fun? Muggles were strange.

I digress. Back to the current thoughts in Loki’s head. I mean, that is what I’m supposed to do right? As the narrator? Tell you what Loki’s thinking? Bah, I’m talking too much. Ok, Loki. Anyways, Loki was still holding her close after the kiss broke, and his breathing was slow, though his heart was permanently pounding now. He closed his eyes as she looked at him, laying her head against his chest and he let his hand move up to play with her hair, just running his fingers through her hair gently. Loki laughed lightly and looked down at her as she mentioned his drummable head. He smiled softly as she buried her face in his chest, and he kissed the top of her head as he listened to her, letting his lips linger there. He closed his eyes as she talked about how she loved him, and then about why she had avoided him. Loki was beginning to wonder how he had even survived without her in his life. Well, technically she was in his life, she just wasn’t close enough to him. Loki knew that if she was more than three feet from him he wouldn’t feel right. He could never feel full being away from her. She fixed him. She...she completed him. She made him whole. He was his everything. His only. He loved her with all his mind and all his heart and all his soul. He knew even then that he loved her enough to last forever. But the more she talked about how she was feeling, the sadder he got, and the tighter he held her. Loki looked back at her when she looked up at him and he moved a hand to stroke her cheek, seeing the tears, ready to wipe them away as they fell. Loki finished listening to her and then played with her hair again as she buried her face in his chest again. And again he kissed the top of her head and closed his eyes. He moved his head to lean down closer to her ear whispering in it.

“Carey...you know I’ve forgiven you. I forgave you before we even had this happen. Carey, just...” He smiled softly as he continued, “Say you’ll be my girlfriend? Tell me that I can tell everyone that you’re mine and promise me you’ll tell everyone I’m yours. Let us, be an ‘us’.” He took a deep breath. The idea of them being a real couple was so amazing that he couldn’t even just keep going with his thoughts. He had to stop and recognize that thought as an amazing one. Because it was. It was such an amazing idea. Concept. And hopefully soon, a reality. Loki wanted nothing more than to look at the people who always asked ‘so what’s up with you two?’ and tell them flat out, ‘she’s my girlfriend. We’re a couple. I love her. She’s mine.’ He wanted that more than anything. And he wanted her to tell everyone that he was hers. He wanted to know that her heart belonged to him and he wanted her to know that his belonged to her. Loki Fen’Rolphus wanted something he never thought he’d want. Loki wanted to belong to someone. Not in the way that he was owned. In the way that he was not his own person. But in the way that he was cared for, to such a degree that his whole life revolved around another person. He wanted (and already was) to be so dedicated to Carey that there was no way anyone else could find a spot in his heart. And he knew that’s how it would be. That’s how it was. His heart was hers. She occupied every part of it. “Carey I know we can put this past us. Because this means nothing anymore. This week was a short time compared to how long I want to be with you...” He looked at her lovingly. “As far as I’m concerned, this is already in the past. The only thing now? Is our future. So...be my future Carey?”

[Carey Brighton H5]

She smiled softly when Loki told her he had already forgiven her. She knew he had, but it was just something that Carey liked to hear. She loved forgiveness. Sniffling again, she listened to him talk. Her breath getting caught in her lungs again. It took her less time to remember how to breathe this time, though. He had just asked her to be his girlfriend. That concept was so completely amazing that the idea that she would say anything other than yes bewildered her. How could she turn him down? How could she say that she didn’t want to be considered a them with him? She couldn’t because she wanted all of that stuff. She wanted to be able to look at him, turn to her friends and say, ‘Isn’t he fantastic? I’m so incredibly lucky.’ In fact, Carey wanted to be able to talk about Loki so much that her friends eventually got fed up and annoyed with her and told her to shut up. She wanted to be able to prove all her friends (especially Timothy) wrong. Not that she should have had to prove anyone wrong, but Carey wanted to be able to throw it in their faces. ‘He does love me and you have no idea what you were talking about.’ There was a small pause after Loki had finished talking and she stood there, her face buried in his chest, and for the moment she let the silence eat them up. There wasn’t any reason for Loki to worry, of course she would say yes, but Carey just wanted to revel in the silence of the moment. She wanted to revel in the moment. Period. She sniffled again and looked up at Loki; the person she loved.

“If I say yes, does that mean I have to sing for you?” The question, she hoped, would make him chuckle. When they had first met, Carey had mentioned that she liked to sing and Loki had said something about her singing for him someday. She had told him maybe and although Loki had brought it up often enough, Carey had always managed to weasel her way out of actually singing. It wasn’t that she was uncomfortable around Loki, it’s just that she had this thought that perhaps Loki thought she was an amazing singer and he’d turn around and find out she wasn’t as great as he had expected. Regardless of what he thought, Carey knew she’d eventually end up singing for him. And that wouldn’t have any faction in her answer to his question - she had just said that to be clever. Now, she looked at him seriously and smiled softly, “Of course I will, Loki.” The way she said it made it sound like the question wasn’t even needed – and in all honesty, it really wasn’t. It was nice, though, the concept of making it official. The concept of being asked ‘be my girlfriend’ and the concept of being able to answer ‘yes, of course, I will’ was one that Carey liked thinking about. She and Loki could have easily slipped into the boyfriend and girlfriend status without actually having to ask and answer, but what fun would that have been? None really. And then they wouldn’t have a story to tell their friends whenever they got the opportunity.

Carey sniffled and rubbed her eyes, trying to get the wetness out of them so she could see clearly. Looking at Loki through tears was something Carey didn’t enjoy because it distorted her vision and she knew he saw sadness in her tears when at the moment her tears were of happiness. She rubbed them out of her eyes and smiled at him, “So… I know that I didn’t go to your party, but… I did get you a gift, nonetheless. And… I was planning on… I don’t know owling it or giving it to someone to give to you so I wouldn’t have to talk to you – but now that that is pointless, I think I can just give it to you now. Unless you don’t want it?” Carey kissed his cheek and one small step back before pulling out her wand and twirling it in her fingers for a moment, eyeing him; “Now or later, love?” She could wait to give it to him, because in all honesty she wasn’t sure how much he’d like the gift – but then again, she wanted to be able to give it to him now to show him that she really had been thinking about him and about his birthday.

[Loki Fen'Rolphus G6]

Loki held her close as he waited for her answer. He wasn’t nervous. How could anyone be nervous about asking someone to be their girlfriend after they’d already gotten past the I love you part. Loki loved her, she loved him. Why would she say no? Oh yeah, Carey didn’t exactly feel too great about relationships. The two of them had talked about it so many times before but hopefully things would be different now? Loki, to be honest...didn’t really care did he? If Carey did say no, which he really didn’t think she was going to, wouldn’t things still be the same? They both knew they were in love, and Loki could foresee many kisses and a lot of cuddling their future...he wouldn’t ever stop himself from saying things to her that implied he loved her. And he wouldn’t ever stop himself from telling her he loved her. So, being frank, the whole ‘be my girlfriend’ thing was just one of those nice things to do. It was just tradition. Even if he hadn’t they would have easily slipped into it, in fact, they kind of already had slipped into it. Everyone already thought they were dating, so why not just make it official? It wasn’t so hard. And so as long as Carey wasn’t thinking something totally opposite what Loki thought she was thinking, then everything would go well and things would just be neat and nice and official.

Loki let out a laugh, a happy, smiling, full of joy laugh when Carey spoke. Go figure that she would have to throw some clever comment in before giving him and answer. He smiled brightly and looked at her, moving a hand to stroke her cheek as he let her finish and actually answer. Of course, she answered in a way that settled all Loki’s semi-fears and told him that she too thought the whole question was unneeded but nice at the same time. “I was hoping you’d say that. OH and by the way...eventually? You will sing for me.” He smiled brightly and kissed her forehead. She knew he wasn’t the kind to command her to sing or something silly like that, but beg? Yes. Try and talk her into it? Yes. He wanted to hear her sing because he knew it was something she enjoyed doing and he knew she didn’t sing for just anyone. Loki wanted to be the one she sang for. He had since she very first mentioned it. Loki chuckled as she sniffled; every time she sniffled his only thought was that she was so completely adorable. He always thought she was adorable, always had. From the moment she had first drummed on his head. She was smart and clever and beautiful and adorable. So completely cute. The most amazing girl he’d ever met. She was his best friend, and now she was his girlfriend. And Loki had a sneaky suspicion those words didn’t even half describe what she was to him. She was...well she was his everything and he was so glad that now he could go around and brag about her all the time and when people said ‘you like her’ he could easily correct them, ‘No, I love her.’ That, was exciting.

Loki let his thumb slip up to wipe away a few tears she had missed. He really hated when she cried. Loki was trying to think of something to say now, something else so that he didn’t look slow. Loki always had something to say. He could always talk but now? No, he just wanted to be with Carey. He wanted to hold her, and love her, and never let her go. He wanted to listen to her voice. He had missed it all week long. She brought up his birthday and he shook his head, still smiling of course. Carey could make him smile so easily. “You got me a gift?” Loki smiled as she kissed his cheek and took a small step back from him, but quickly reached his hands out to rest them around her waist. He needed her close to him. She had been apart from him far too long. Once again, he couldn’t think of something to say because his mind was far too busy thinking about what she had said to him. She had called him love. Loki liked pet names, and her to call him love? Oh goodness...she loved him. She really loved him. That fact was still hitting him and he was sure it would probably hit him over and over again for as long as he was with her, and something told Loki that would be a very long time. “You didn’t need to...in fact, as long as I have you I don’t need anything else honey.” Pet names were fun.

[Carey Brighton H5]

Carey laughed, “Will not…” she looked at him with a bright smile. She knew that he would, eventually, hear her sing. He would either coax her into singing or they would be sitting somewhere and he would have his head in her lap like he normally did and she would be playing with his hair and suddenly start singing quietly. It was hard for her to hold in songs before, and now that the fact that they loved one another was out in the open…there was probably no way that Carey could hold in the music. She looked at him and then stood still for a moment before reaching up a hand and running her fingers through his hair. With a small guilty smile, she let her hand drop and run down his arm to his hand. They were simple gestures, simple things that really made Carey realize how much she really did care for Loki. She didn’t go around running her fingers through other people’s hair, she only did that for Loki. Carey had these things she did only for him. She called them her ‘Loki Actions and Reactions.’ Certain things she did she wouldn’t do for anyone else, like sing. And there were things he did that got certain reactions from her that she wouldn’t get from anyone else. She had decided that these things all boiled down to the fact that she was in love with Loki and would do anything for him and that he was in love with her and would do anything for her. It was just that simple belief… that simple piece of information that made Carey just…swoon, almost. She hadn’t completely swooned yet – but she knew she would. It was Loki, how could she not?

By now she had stepped a bit away from him and withdrawn her wand, a bright smile crossed her face at Loki’s hands on her waist. It was nice to know he wouldn’t let her go too far. Normally that might have annoyed Carey if it had been with anyone else, but not with Loki. It was another one of those Loki Actions and Reactions things. “Yes,” she smiled at him and twirled her wand in her fingers, “I got you a gift, I’m not sure how much you’ll like it but…” she flicked her wand, muttering the summoning spell, and soon enough a wrapped rectangle appeared in her hands. She tapped it with her finger and smirked at Loki as she handed it to him. He opened it and the moment Carey knew he could see what it was, she said; “I figured you could use this since you seem to use your hand too much…now, along with that you get…” she summoned the second part of his gift – this one not wrapped, “a package of muggle gel pens. You’ll like them. They’re very inky. Amazing for doodling, and they come in a variety of colours.” Carey smiled and waved her wand once more, summoning the last gift she had gotten for him. This one had been rather expensive, but she had no doubt that it was worth it. The small box appeared in her hands and she held it out to Loki, waiting for him to open it. When he had, she smiled softly and shrugged; “It’s a mega wireless. And there are music crystals in there. Four albums. Poison, Weird Sisters, and two other muggle bands. I figured we could expand your horizons on music…but I thought you might like the Weird Sisters’ new album, as well.”

After the three gifts had been opened or whatnot, Carey stood in front of Loki; watching him. “So, let me restate what I had said before…” she took a step closer to him, closing the gap between them, and whispered, “Happy birthday, Fen’Rolphus; I’m sorry I couldn’t make the party.” The words that fell from her lips now, the ones that she was repeating, sounded so much fonder now that she was saying them the way they should have been said initially. She knew she wouldn’t ever forgive herself for avoiding him and she knew that as long as she didn’t, Loki wouldn’t be happy. Carey made a pact to herself right then and there that if she ever felt like she was a terrible person because she had avoided him, she wouldn’t mention. What she didn’t know was that Loki would like that less than Carey talking about her feelings to him directly. She didn’t understand things like that, because Carey had always been forced or rather told to keep her feelings to herself, especially if they were negative ones. Carey’s usually not a negative thinking girl, but sometimes she was really hard on herself and she had no doubt she would be when it come to things like avoiding Loki and past mistakes. Before she could get too completely down on herself, Carey leaned up a bit and kissed him softly. Not caring that they were standing in the middle of the corridor or that Professor McGonagall was on her way to tell them to go to their respective dormitories. She didn’t care at all. For that specific moment, Carey was lost in the kiss that she was sharing with Loki. For that specific moment, nothing else mattered. Not even the approaching footsteps of McGonagall.