A Thing Called Pain ((August))

[Bronsen Reid R1]

Bronsen's teeth were gritting together as an expression of pain shot across his face. He wanted to cry so badly, but for now he had been able to keep the tears at bay. A sharp pain was running up and down his right arm as he sat on the bed in the middle of the Hospital Wing. He was still wearing his winter robes, a scarf and many layers of clothing. With the warmth of the hospital wing, it was starting to become very uncomfortable, yet he was in too much pain to try to strip from any of his winter clothing. Madam Pompfrey had said she'd be right back with the necessary supplies to mend what she was sure had to have been a broken arm in possibly more than one location. She had also sent for August at Bronsen's request. August would know what to do.

Soon, Madam Pomfrey had returned, a bottle in her one hand and a cup of steaming liquid in the other. "Here," she said, offering him the bottle first. "Drink this to help ease the pain and then have this cup of hot tea. It should take some of the chill away." Bronsen was too set on alleviating his pain that he didn't bother to argue about drinking the hot drink afterward. Within a matter of a minute, he had finished the bottle of potion that was to alleviate his pain and he had taken a few sips of the tea just to please Madam Pompfrey. "Now the breaks don't seem as bad as I had thought," she informed him, examining his arm. Bronsen could tell that the pain relief was already starting, and he was thankful for that. He could feel Madam Pompfrey's touch on his wrist, but it felt like nothing more than a light tingle. She cast a few spells, seeming happy with her work, and before long Bronsen couldn't feel a thing. "There you are, dear, should be good as new in the morning. I'm going to as that you stay here for the night though so that I can keep an eye on you. I'm sure your brother will be here shorty. I'm guessing he can fetch anything that you might need for the night.

"Thanks," Bronsen said, hoping that August would arrive shortly. What he hoped more though was that whoever had been sent for August wouldn't accidentally bring back Jack instead. Bronsen could just imagine Jack's level of sympathy. It would probably not even exist. His worries were quickly dissolved though when he saw August walk through the door of the hospital wing. An inward sense of relief filled him as he became more and more anxious to get out of his warm clothes and perhaps get some dinner. As August approached, Bronsen gave him a look of gratitude. It wasn't a smile, but a soft sort of 'thank you' that he knew would be understood without even having to speak it. "Sorry to make you come all the way up here," he said once August was at his bedside. "I... I just didn't know what else to do, and I knew I couldn't have them send for Jack." Bronsen held up his arm to the best of his ability. "I slipped on the ice just outside the castle. When I fell, I had my wand in my hand, and I didn't want it to break, so I landed on the back of my wrist. Madam Pomfrey said I should be better by morning though."

[August Reid R7]

August sat staring at his Transfiguration homework. He could not make the object in front of him turn into something else. They were instructed to turn a ink bottle into a canary and then back again. August thought that was quite impossible to do, however, Professor McGonagall seemed to think otherwise and gave them practicing as homework. August had tried all night but the most he had been able to do was change the ink bottle slightly yellow. At one point he thought that the bottle might have sprouted wings but found that it was a trick of the light. August sighed heavily to himself wishing that he was sitting with Belle. She had a way of making him feel better even when he was in the most sour of moods. Not that he was in a bad mood but this homework was very frustrating and it felt like he had spent hours and hours on it. Unfortunately, Belle had her own things to do so they decided to split until later. He wished they hadn't. August was also looking for Bronsen, his younger brother. He was sitting in the common room and was surprised that he hadn't seen his brother. August was elated that Bronsen had been put in Ravenclaw when he first arrived at Hogwarts. Although, that really wasn't too much of a surprise for August. He always knew that Bronsen was smart. He seemed to really enjoy reading and studying. Qualities that really entitled you to Ravenclaw. August was a little afraid, not much, but a little afraid that he would end up in Slytherin. After all, their elder brother Jack, had ended up there. There was always a slight possibility that Bronsen would have inherited the trait that made Jack enter that house. But luckily, Bronsen had not inherited it, which sort of made it more strange that Jack had been put into Slytherin while both of his brothers had been sorted into Ravenclaw.

Presently, the door to the common room opened and the last person August expected to see entered, Professor Flitwick. Many students also looked puzzled but they acknowledged his presence. Professor Flitwick had rarely come to the Ravenclaw tower room. He was the Head of Ravenclaw, but that didn't mean he spent all his time with the students. He quickly looked around and spotted August. August was a little taken aback when his Professor Flitwick's gaze settled on him. The professor waved him over and so August walked toward him leaving the pale yellow ink bottle on the table where he was working. August always thought it was so weird to talk with Professor Flitwick. All the students, including most of the first years, towered over his tiny frame. Were you supposed to bend over so that he didn't have to look up at you? Or were you just supposed to tower over him and make him feel small? August avoided that by standing a few feet apart from him so that the professor wouldn't have to look straight up at him.

Professor Flitwick than proceeded to tell him that Bronsen was in the Hospital Wing and had requested his presence. In the Hospital Wing! What was he doing in there?! August thanked the professor and ran out of the common room. He left all his stuff at the table but he wasn't too worried about it. Besides, the well-being of his younger brother was more important than a few books and an ink bottle. He ran down the stairs of the tower to the best of his ability without tripping. If he tripped it would a long way down. He rushed through the corridors not really noticing who he was passing or the cries that came from a pack of second year Hufflepuffs who he ran in to.

August breathed and collected himself before entering the Hospital Wing. He didn't want to let Bronsen see that he was too anxious. Entering the Wing he saw Bronsen laying on a bed and made his way toward it. Bronsen gave him a look of gratitude and August gave a small smile back. Bronsen began speaking as soon as August had reached his bedside. The first words out of his mouth was an apology. August felt his smile widen. He let Bronsen finish before speaking. "You goof. You put your silly wand above your own safety. Don't apologise, I'm glad that I was able to come down here. I'm glad that you sent for me, but you know that Jack would have come here just as I would. He really does care for us," he stopped suddenly. The last time that he had really spoken to Jack, his brother had threatened him. But August decided not to tell Bronsen that. There was no reason. Instead August messed with Bronsen's hair and asked, "How are you feeling?"

[Bronsen Reid R1]

Bronsen gave August a look that silently asked if he truly expected him to have done anything else when it came to sacrificing his arm or his wand. Then, he smiled when August said he was glad to be able to come. That smile quickly faded though at the mention of Jack. Bronsen didn't know why August seemed to always stick up for Jack. August always had though. He stuck up for everyone in the family whenever one of them would say something bad about another. Bronsen admired him for that trait, but when it came to Jack, it was quite obvious that he really was as bad as he seemed. At least Jack seemed to try to be rather cold and disconnected. "I'm feeling OK," Bronsen said. As he spoke though, he went to shift his arm to make it more comfortable. As he did that, he bumped his elbow on the headboard of his bed. It sent a dull sort of pain through his nerves, nothing compared to what it might feel like without the pain relieving potion he had taken. When the pain shot down his arm though, he winced a bit, moving it more carefully then to rest it on the pillow that was by his side.

"You really think Jack would have come," Bronsen asked, thinking to himself that there would be no way Jack would want to come. There was a difference between wanting to do something though and actually doing it. Perhaps Jack would have come as August had said, but would he have really wanted to come? "The last time I saw him, he had lost his wand. I found it for him, and even then he wasn't very nice." Bronsen shrugged his shoulders, again forgetting that he shouldn't move his arm so much. Another shot of pain reminded him to be careful. Now that August was here, Bronsen wasn't really sure why he had asked for him. It seemed silly to call him to the Hospital Wing for something as simple as a broken arm. Sure, it was painful, but what was August really going to do about it. The company was nice though, despite the fact that Bronsen wasn't a natural born talker. August was easy to talk to though. Of anybody, Bronsen could probably talk to him easiest.

"Hey," he said, turning his attention back to August. "You know Theo who's in fifth year? He helped me with my Transfiguration homework the other day." Bronsen knew August had to have known him. After all, Theo had mentioned knowing August. Even if August didn't know him personally, Bronsen knew he had to have at least known of him. If Bronsen knew of him, August would too since he was a lot closer in age to Theo. "Anyways, he was really nice and helpful." Bronsen wasn't quite sure to ask what he wanted to ask next. It was awkward enough to ask Theo, and he wasn't even sure if August could answer the question he had. "But, I was wondering if you could explain more about being gay." Bronsen was speaking quietly at this point. He wasn't really sure what was and wasn't alright to talk about. The whole issue seemed to be surrounded by a lot of strong opinions and such both for and against the issue in general. "I mean, I know what it is, but I just don't really understand why some people think it's bad and why some people don't. And, I wondered how someone is gay, like when you know if you are gay and if you can chose to be gay or not." Bronsen was quite unsure about the whole thing, and he really just wanted to understand it better. Bronsen was always just wanting to understand as much as he could. "If I don't like girls, does that mean I am gay?"

[August Reid R7]

August gave Bronsen a smile of pity when his younger brother winced in pain. He wanted to help but there was nothing that he could do. August could not make the pain go away no matter how much he wanted to. Of course Bronsen would put the safety of his wand above the safety of his arm. That was a very Bronsen like thing to do. He had an odd habit of collecting and knowing everything there was to know about wands. A habit that other's found strange, but August found somewhat endearing. Not that he really wanted to be related to a weirdo, but anyone that actually took the time to talk to Bronsen would soon realise that there was nothing strange about him. Expect maybe the desire to learn. But that was a quality inherent in all Ravenclaws. For some unknown undefined reason, they loved to learn. Obviously the Sorting Hat saw that in the students and therefore sorted them into the right house but August still found it odd sometimes. Compare August and Bronsen. Bronsen had been a natural born scholar. August recalled that ever since Bronsen could read it seemed like he had his head stuck in a book. August on the other hand found it somewhat shocking to have been sorted into Ravenclaw. He was glad that he was not put into Slytherin along with his older brother, but he was not yet aware of his intrinsic need for knowledge. That quality was slowly manifesting itself so that August could see it within himself but it was clearly a quality that the Sorting Hat saw.

“Yeah, the last time I talked with Jack he wasn’t very friendly to me either. But you know Jack. He’s just mean. He has to like us deep down in his heart. We’re his brother’s after all! Remember the good times that we used to have together? Just the three of us? That Jack couldn’t have disappeared and been replaced by this... new Jack. I can’t believe that. I won’t. I need to believe that there is some good in him, Bronsen. So do I think he would come if you asked him to? Yes. Yes, I do think he would have come. Now, how longed he would have stayed,” August added with a smile, “I can’t say for sure. But I know that he would have come. And that action alone speaks volumes for his heart. Does that make any sense?” He knew it would. Or at least he hoped it would. Bronsen was extremely bright and well informed for his age. He often comprehended advanced philosophies that August was just starting to grasp. August often wondered if he had done the right thing when he had told his older brother about the affair instead of his younger brother. At the time it seemed like a good idea because Bronsen had been so young and August wanted to spare his feelings. But in retrospect, he should have known that Jack would have taken it the hardest. It was really hard for August to accept the truth but for Jack it seemed to be the final piece that truly separated him from his parents. “Do you remember that time that we went to the beach and mom and dad wondered down the beach leaving Jack in charge of us? It was one of the only warm days back home and so you and I were very excited. Well, I was playing by the edge of the water when the undercurrent surprised me and I was dragged underneath. Jack came and saved me. Granted he yelled at me for a long time after that, but the point was that he saved me. So that’s why I think he would have come here today.

Suddenly, Bronsen seemed to switch gears. “Yeah I know Theo,” August answered. It was the truth. They had had a very interesting conversation in the Great Hall and then they had run into each other again at the Hufflepuff versus Gryffindor game. August was still a little annoyed that Gryffindor had won since Hufflepuff had been playing the better game. Plus, he generally didn’t like Gryffindors. He really didn't want to have to play against them if Ravenclaw won in the upcoming game. August listened as Bronsen continued. August eye’s started to grow when he realised what Bronsen was talking about. It was a subject that he didn’t really know how to handle. It was a subject that had crossed August’s mind more than once. He noticed that he didn’t seem to be attracted to girls the same way that other boys his age were. He also noted that he liked the male physique over the female body. It was so strong. So protective. Did that make August gay? August stared at Bronsen like a deer caught by a stunning spell until his final comment made August crack a smile. He couldn’t help himself. He had to say something, “Yes Bronsen. That does make you gay I’m afraid.” He waited until Bronsen’s reaction before laughing and speaking again, “No, I’m just kidding Bronsen. You’re still young. You’re about to hit puberty and then everything changes. About your other questions, that’s not so easy to explain,” August said rubbing his neck unconsciously. How could he tell his eleven year old brother that there was a possibility that his older brother might be gay? He couldn’t.

[Bronsen Reid R1]

"I just don't understand why he's like that though," Bronsen said, frustrated that he couldn't have an answer for why Jack acted like he did. "We never did anything wrong to him, so why can't he just be like he was before. We used to all be close like you said. Why can't Jack just treat us like family instead of like we have done something so terrible to him that he can't forgive us for?" Bronsen really hated not having answers, and this was one answer he seemed to have been chasing for a while now. Even whenever he was nothing but nice to Jack, it was always the same thing over and over again. Bronsen wasn't angry with him for it though, he simply wanted an answer. He wanted a 'why'. Bronsen always wanted to know why. "Even if he would have come, I don't think I would have wanted him here. I'm tired of having to take the way he treats me. The way he treats us. We shouldn't have to let him treat us that way. We didn't do anything to him. If he's mad at mom and dad, why won't he take it out on them. Why does it have to be us as well?" Bronsen let out a sigh of frustration. "Can you hand me that cup?" he asked, pointing to the water that was by his bed. He could have reached it, but it would mean that he'd have to strain his arm.

August knew Theo. Bronsen figured that much though. August confirming it didn't really do much to help Bronsen understand. Then, after a pause of what seemed to be him collecting his thoughts, August ever so seriously told Bronsen that he was gay. It scared Bronsen at first, for he didn't even understand how it had happened. If he was gay, that meant he liked boys, but Bronsen didn't like boys. He didn't like boys or girls. August's laugh brought him back to reality though as he realized that it was a joke. Then, at the mention of puberty, Bronsen gave a knowing look, remembering when his father had so awkwardly told him what that was. He wasn't looking forward to puberty. It sounded scary and quite unappealing. Plus, if it meant dealing with things like figuring out if you were gay and then pursuing the people that you thought you loved, Bronsen wasn't so sure he was going to like going through puberty.

August didn't provide much of an answer for Bronsen's main question, which frustrated him a bit. "But, do you get to decide if you like guys or girls? And, how do you decide? Is it true that some people like both guys and girls?" It all seemed so complicated to Bronsen. It was more complicated than even anything he had been studying in Hogwarts. There were answers to his questions in class, but it seemed that this whole romantic love thing seemed to be quite a sticky subject. What made it worse was that nobody seemed to want to talk about it that freely. Not that Bronsen really enjoyed the topic. He was just so curious and really wanted to have the answers. He wanted to have all the answers, and as he realized that it seemed impossible to have all the answers, he became discouraged with the whole topic in general. "Does that mean that when I go through puberty, I am going to want to kiss people?" Bronsen had plenty of questions, especially since his father rushed through the topic rather quickly without bothering to even clarify all of the things Bronsen seemed unsure about. "I don't think that I want to kiss anybody. Boys are just too dirty and loud, and girls are so... they are just... hyper."

[August Reid R7]

August listened to Bronsen and nodded his understanding. August knew all too well the frustration with their older brother. It was rather unfair that Jack would treat his younger siblings like dirt. They didn't do anything to treat him unfairly and yet he did not treat them with respect. In fact, sometimes it seemed as though Jack thought that Bronsen and August were the reason that Jack had such a so-called 'awful' life. It was so-called because it wasn't true. Jack lived in the same manor that August and Bronsen had lived in. Jack had the same opportunities that his younger brothers had. If anything, Bronsen and August should be mad at Jack. He got to know their parents when they were happy. When their father was true to their mother. When their mother was sane. But somehow, in Jack's mind, it was his younger siblings fault that all the problems had started between their parents. That is why August could only nod his understanding while Bronsen went on about his frustration with Jack. There was nothing else that he could do. He couldn't argue because many things that Bronsen was saying, August agreed with. August followed Bronsen's pointing finger toward the cup of water and handed it to his brother. August gave Bronsen a smile. Bronsen was always so independent. It must have been tearing him up inside to have to ask for help.

August had always liked Bronsen. Well, he liked both of his brothers but he knew that he was going to be closer to Bronsen the day his younger brother was born. Something about his eyes. August could see the spark of intelligence in those eyes. Bronsen had inherited the same colour eyes of his mother. The same warm brown eyes that complimented the brown hair of the Reid family. Only August had received blue eyes. It was the mystery of the family. Bronsen's hair was lighter than the dark shade of brown that the rest of the family seemed to share. But there was no mistaking it; Bronsen, Jack, and August were related. It always pained August that the brothers were not closer together. Not age wise, but closer as in liking or loving each other. August hoped in his heart that deep down Jack loved his brothers and he also wished that Bronsen cared for Jack. August cared for both of them. But of the two he always seemed to get on with Bronsen better. Bronsen just seemed to understand August in a way that Jack never could.

August had to tear his gaze away from Bronsen when he continued asking about sexuality. What was he supposed to tell him? He was only three years older than Bronsen. Was he really supposed to know all the answers to the all the questions? August knew that Bronsen really wasn't trying to corner him, that was just Bronsen's way. When he wanted to know something, he would exhaust all his resources. And one of his resources was his older brother. August rubbed the back of his neck, an unconscious sign that he was nervous. August's line of vision left the small frame of his brother and looked around the Hospital Wing. This part of the castle always gave him the creeps. August could never understand why though. Ever since he was younger, he had hated Hospitals. A young boy was lying in a bed across the room from Bronsen and August thought he might be asleep. Or at least pretending to be. Finally there was nothing else to do but look back at Bronsen and try to answer his question. "Honestly Bronsen, I don't know. I don't know why some people like girls and some people like boys. I don't think that anyone knows. On the Ravenclaw Quidditch team, there are two girls who are in a relationship with each other. I don't know why they chose that. Or even if they chose." A soft smile spread across August's face. It seemed like his younger brother was growing up so fast. "Yes, Bronsen. You will want to kiss other people. It's a natural change that we all go though."

[Bronsen Reid R1]

It seemed as though the trend of their conversation was August being unable to answer any of the questions that Bronsen had. He didn't blame him though. Bronsen couldn't expect August to know the answers to everything. He just wished that things could be easier though. Bronsen like a challenge, but sometimes seemed a bit too overwhelming. Then, when those who were older couldn't explain them either, it became frustrating, especially for Bronsen who wanted an answer for everything. The first word he used regularly quickly became 'why' when he was younger. Why does magic work? Why is it bad to tell a lie? Why do some people have one colour of hair when other people have another colour of hair? Whether the question was something small or something large, Bronsen always wanted an answer to why things were as they were. Now though, he was learning more and more that everything didn't always have an answer to the question of 'why?'. It was a hard thing for him to accept, but he knew if he didn't it would only drive him crazy.

Bronsen laughed quietly when August said that eventually he too would want to kiss people. It seemed so odd to Bronsen, and all he could imagine was himself laughing uncomfortably if put in a situation that required him to kiss someone other than a quick family peck on the cheek. "I think I would laugh if I turned a corner and saw you snogging someone," Bronsen admitted. "I think it will be a little bit still before I ever reach that stage," he said with a thankful sigh." By now, it was getting late, and he knew August would likely have to leave soon. He probably was doing some work and had been interrupted when Bronsen had sent for him.

"Do you have to leave soon?" he asked, knowing that August would likely stay as long as Bronsen wanted him to. "Madame Pompfrey said that I have to spend the night so that she can keep and eye on me and monitor my healing." Bronsen wasn't too happy with this idea, but he knew it was necessary. "Remember when we were younger. Whenever it would storm, you and I would go to Jack's room. He was always mad when we came in. But we would sleep with him anyways." It was quite surprising Bronsen had remembered those days. He was no older than four or so, which would have made August and Jack around seven and nine respectively. The more he thought about it, August was probably just pretending to be afraid whenever Bronsen would come into his room and wake him so that they could move to Jack's room. Parts of Bronsen did wish though that they were young again... younger than what they were now. Back then, at least Jack was civil. Now, he was just plain brutal and cruel.

[August Reid R7]

Bronsen's question surprised August. He had been in the middle of practicing a Transfiguration spell but he would forgo that to sit here with Bronsen as long as he needed and/or wanted August to be there. The way that his younger brother had phrased the question was almost as if Bronsen wanted August to leave. Well, even if he did, August would sit there with Bronsen until August was sure that his younger sibling was safe. August could be very stubborn when it came to the safety and well-being of others. He often put them before his own well-being. In the back of his mind, August heard a voice telling him that his Transfiguration Professor would not be very happy that August was not practicing his new spell. But over that voice was a stronger voice telling him that sitting with Bronsen and just being here for him was the better choice. Regardless of the consequences. "No, I don't have to leave," August replied softly with a small smile on his lips.

Again, August was surprised by Bronsen. This time by his good memory. But in addition to being surprised, August was pleased. Those were some of the best nights of August's life. August had never really been frightened by thunder but he pretended just to please Bronsen. They would sneak into Jack's room carefully as they would have to cross the door to their parents' bedroom on the way there. There was always plenty of giggling and 'shush-ing.' Then there would be a clap of thunder and the two would hurry to Jack's room. As August recalled, he usually had his door closed but Bronsen and August pushed right through it anyway. Jack had always been the brave one of the three so he was usually found sleeping soundly and as his two younger siblings would wake him and climb into bed with him. They would get on either side of Jack's warm body and snuggle up close. Jack made a fuss and tried to get rid of his brothers but never really gave it much effort. Soon the sound of Jack's soft snores would resume and Bronsen's breathing would fall into a light rhythm. August always felt so safe those nights, so happy, so... loved. He would sometimes hope for a thunderstorm to approach.

What happened to that Jack? When did he become so hateful? He would have been around nine years old the last time that Bronsen and August had snuck into his room. He seemed to change once he came to Hogwarts. Or was it before then? It wasn't exactly something that you could ask. You could only guess. August suddenly looked hard at Bronsen. He would ask Bronsen some questions to get even with him for asking about sexuality. It was something that no one seemed to be able to explain. Just one of those things where everyone has a different opinion. "Did you think," August began, "Rather, do you think, that we received special treatment from Mum and Dad? I mean, Jack seems to think that Mum and Dad paid more attention to us growing up but I think that's a ridiculous notion. But maybe it's true. I can't see the situation from his perspective, I can only see the story through my eyes. What if Mum and Dad really did treat us differently than they treated Jack?"