Unwanted Thoughts (Casey)

[Carson McGreggor H6]

Carson stared out the window of his bedroom, watching the hustle and bustle of the busy streets surrounding the studio apartment he shared with his sister. In the background, he heard the noise and chatter of Julie’s art class outside. Today, Julie was teaching her intermediate class, which ranged from children ages eight to thirteen. “Miss Julie, can you help me draw the hand? It looks like a deformed turtle. He heard Julie laugh a bit and he heard her walk over to the little girl’s table. She sounded like one of the older ones in the group. The walls were so thin in this place that he could hear pretty much everything that was going on in every room of the studio. He sighed, trying to concentrate on the happenings in the classroom, trying not to let his mind wander to other things.

Carson didn’t want to think about yesterday, or even this morning. But of course; because Carson didn’t want to think about it, it was going to happen anyway. Carson could still hear Casey’s screams and pleas for help echoing in his ears. “Carson!” She yelled, making Carson cringe. He had to stop thinking about this. But he knew he wouldn’t be able to, no matter how hard he tried. He could still remember the cold feeling of the pavement in that alley, and the same cold feeling of the cots in the county jail. Carson only had to stay there for one night, and he could already feel the happiness being drained out of him. It wasn’t like he was in Azkaban for a night, because that would have been much worse. But Carson didn’t need dementors or Azkaban to make him feel a sense of hopelessness. Now he knew why Hanson was so hell-bent on beating Carson up. Hanson had to rot in there for a matter of months, a year even. Even though Carson still hated Hanson’s guts, he could now understand what had driven him to be so angry at Carson. But Hanson was a bad kid. He belonged in jail. Not Carson.

Carson sighed, remembering the look of pain and fear etched on Casey’s face when they were in the alley. If only she knew, if only she understood. She probably hated Carson right now for not protecting her. But she didn’t know that the only reason Carson didn’t beat Butch and Hanson up was because of her. He knew that if he touched either Hanson or Butch, Casey would be hurt in the process. If he started punching away at Hanson, Butch would probably run off with Casey, and he’d never see her again. And if he started attacking Butch with Casey so close by, he might accidently hurt her instead. No, Carson was convinced he did the right thing. He did what was best for both himself and Casey as well. He knew this was the truth, but he wasn’t sure if Casey knew. Carson tried hard to shake the thoughts of the alley and prison out of his head, but as always, it didn’t work. Images of the bright light in the questioning room and Hanson’s angry face just kept coming back. He shook his head as if to scare away his unwanted thoughts. He tried to focus again on the art class outside. “Miss Julie, I spilled the orange.” Carson laughed. He could tell Julie was having a rough time out there. She had to have a lot on her mind right now, and in addition to that, she had to teach a class. Maybe she needed a teaching assistant. Carson knew that a class full of kids should definitely take his mind off the alley.

“Hey Miss Julie,” Carson said amusedly. “Need help?” He asked, rolling up his sleeves and looking around the class. By now, everyone knew who Carson was, but he barely knew all the students. He knew them by face and by what Julie told him about them, but names were always a very hard thing to remember. “Definitely. Grab a smock.” Carson rolled up his sleeves and put on a giant button down shirt that was splattered with various different colors of paint. As soon as Carson turned around, little hands shot into the air. Julie went to go help one of them, and Carson picked the closest one to him. “Carson, can you help me paint the flower?” A little girl of about nine asked politely. She looked up at him admiringly as he helped her paint the little white Daisy. She looked up at him with large almond shaped brown eyes when he was finished. “Carson! What happened to your eye?” The little girl exclaimed. For a moment, Carson forgot about the large bruise and small cut that was haphazardly covered by a small band-aid. He smiled a bit. "A big ugly monster attacked me. But I fought him off." He said with a smile. She gave him a toothy grin in response.

Suddenly, Carson heard a knock on the door. Everyone else seemed to hear it to, as they all looked up from their work. Julie wiped her orange stained hands on her smock and went to go answer the door. Carson watched from his place next to the little girl. Julie opened the door and smiled. He couldn’t tell who it was at the moment, and neither could the class, but when the guest walked in, he almost dropped his paintbrush. “Casey.” He whispered surprisingly under his breath. What was she doing here? Casey walked inside and the class stared at her with curiosity. “Here, um, let’s go into the kitchen.” Carson handed the little girl her paintbrush back and walked with Casey to the kitchen, which was in the next room. He took a seat on the countertop and gave her an awkward smile. “Hey Casey, I didn’t expect to see you here. What’s up?” He said, noting the fact that this was the first time Casey had ever seen his house. He suddenly felt regretful that he didn’t clean the kitchen a bit this morning.

[Casey Allen G5]

Casey looked out of the window of her bedroom in the house in Newport. She held the dress she was supposed to wear for an Eden appearance tightly in her hands. Bradley had cancelled it of course. Her fans must have though she was a flake. First she had the concerts held back, the she walked out on her television performance and now she cancelled an appearance. Eden’s publicist announced that she wasn’t feeling well and she wasn’t. Casey was just glad that she was finally back in Newport. Bradley thought that she needed a London break after what happened the night before. Casey had this feeling in her stomach. She felt like she could burst any moment. The moments from the night before still rang in her head. The pain as Butch held her, her cries, the punch Carson received. Casey remembered looking at him, just wanted him to get out of danger, just wanting him to be okay. Casey understood that he couldn’t just fight for her right there. Casey was smarter than she seemed. She had street smarts. It was something that Bradley had taught her. Casey looked at the dress. She had no desire to go to another Eden event. At least that was how she felt at the moment. Casey threw the beautiful red dress to the floor as tears fell down her face. This was all too much for Casey. Ethan’s death and now this, but she had to keep on living. She had to keep going.

“Hey Case.” Joel said coming into her room. “You okay?” Casey was staring out the window looking at the beach. “Umm, me and the guys are about to head out and surf. Come with us.” Casey turned her head and looked at her brother. He was only trying to help. Normally, Joel would never ask Casey to join them to surf. She did enjoy surfing, but she wasn’t in the mood. She shook her head. “No thanks. I’ll just watch you guys from here.” Joel nodded. “You can’t stay in here forever.” Casey nodded. She knew this. “But, I can stay here for now.” Joel nodded before he left the room out of the back door. Casey had her bedroom door, closest door, (that also had a back entrance because her closest was literally room-sized) and a back door that left to the deck which led to the beach. Casey watched Joel run to the beach. She smiled lightly and then looked down at her wrists. They didn’t look pretty, that was for sure. They were bruised and rough looking. However, she didn’t have any other scars or anything. Casey sighed. This would be a long day.

Finally, Casey got tired of sitting. She hopped up. Carson had to be out of jail by now. Casey had to know that he was okay. Casey walked into her closest and stared at all of her clothes. She didn’t want anything fancy of course. She ignored all of Eden’s shiny, expensive clothes and headed straight to her own clothes. She pulled out her jeans and pulled them on along with her pink and yellow shirt. She grabbed her white coat before she headed out of her closet and then out of her room. “Casey.” Bradley said seeing his daughter for the first time since the night before. “You okay?” He asked handing her a glass of orange juice.” She nodded feebly. “I want to go see Carson.” Bradley eyed her. “Casey. I don’t..” He said shaking his head. Casey glared at him. “Why dad?” She asked only raising her voice a bit. “You were with him last night and looked what happened Casey.” Casey shook her head. “It wasn’t his fault. We were just trying to get back to the Jacobs when we say Hanson and his crew.” Bradley nodded. “I know, but..” “Dad.” Casey interrupted. “Please.” Bradley sighed and nodded. After the night she had, Bradley would do anything for his daughter. Casey smiled. “Thanks daddy.”

Casey arrived at Carson and Julie’s studio apartment. She had never been there before, but Ezzie gave her the address. She made her way up to the door. She could hear a bunch of people inside. Casey sighed. Maybe this wasn’t the best time. Oh well. She knocked on the door lightly as to not hurt the bruises. She waited a moment and then Juliet answered. “Hey. Can I..” She pointed inside. Julie just smiled. Casey nodded and then headed inside. She eyed Carson. Well, he looked fine. Casey looked around at all the younger kids. Julie was teaching an art class it seemed. She ignored the stares. She was used to it. She nodded when Carson said that they could go in the kitchen. She followed him and sighed. She smiled lightly. “Yea. I didn’t think I would come, but I kind of got restless. I was just wondering if you were okay.” She explained. “I mean a night and jail and all.” Casey looked away and then back at Carson. “I feel like it was my fault. Like if I would have fought Butch more and grabbed my wand, you never would have gotten taken to jail.” She explained. Casey wondered what Carson thought about this. “I dunno. In a way, I guess I feel responsible.” She nodded. She didn’t really know why she did, but she did.

[Carson McGreggor H6]

((Ick. That took forever. But it's up now, sorry for the wait!))

Carson glanced at the slightly cracked window that was just behind Casey. He looked away quickly after seeing the large black and blue mark around his left eye. That was his battle scar. He could have very easily fixed it for himself with magic of some sort, but he just didn’t. He had been sitting in a prison cell until this morning, and when he got home, he just locked himself up in his room and played his old acoustic. He didn’t have the energy or the strength to go into his trunk and get his wand out. He sighed and looked back at Casey. If she noticed the giant bruise on Carson’s head, she didn’t let on. She explained how she just got restless to come and visit Carson. It was sweet of her and all, but it hurt him to know he had worried Casey so much. It also hurt him to know it was his fault there were black and blue marks on her wrists.

If Carson would stop being so lazy, he would have never put her in such a mess. She didn’t need this, especially after what happened to Ethan. She had just endured the loss of a friend, just like Carson had. And then on top of all that, he had to drag her into Carson’s old grudge. If only he had gotten Casey out of there safely…but he didn’t. He had made her suffer. He had made her scream. Carson shook the thought off and focused all his thought and energy. He owed her for what happened yesterday. If he couldn’t be a man and protect her, the least he could do was listen. “You really shouldn’t worry about me Casey. Jail wasn’t all that bad. Kinda like camp except with convicts.” He lied. He didn’t need to worry Casey with the real experience of a night in jail. Carson barely slept a wink last night, and the dark circles under his eyes proved it. His inmate gave him dirty glares half the time, eyeing Carson maliciously as if he was a trespasser to the man’s territory. People everywhere stared at him. He felt like a wounded lion in a cage. Many other terrifying men eyed him suspiciously from their cells, cracking their knuckles angrily. The prison guard was judgmental, racist, and cruel. He teased the inmates cruelly and verbally abused every prisoner who dared speak to him. The beds were basically planks of cold metal, lined with rough cotton. But Carson wasn’t going to scare Casey. She had enough on her mind already.

What Casey said next was unbelievable. She blamed herself for what happened to Carson. If anything, she should be blaming Carson for putting her through her first street fight. She should be blaming anyone but herself. Carson shook his head, making his dark brown curls dance at the top of his head. He only just realized how close they were. Carson and Casey were both sitting on the counter, only inches away from one another. He sighed. “Casey, it’s not your fault. It’s anyone’s fault but yours. Butch is a gorilla. You wouldn’t have been able to get to your wand no matter how hard you tried. The guy is skilled at nabbing girls, trust me.” Carson said, not wanting to scare her, but to assure her it wasn’t her fault. Although, he was sure he was scaring her anyway.

“It was my fault for dragging you into my battles, do you understand? I don’t care that I had to go to jail. It was one night. Not a week, not a month, not a year. One night. I would have been sent to jail whether you were there or not. But the fact of the matter is that you were there, and I failed to protect you. Every time I heard you scream, it killed me. But I did my best. I want you to know that I didn’t punch Hanson or hurt Butch for a reason. I hate to say it, but Hanson was smart this time. He used you to make sure he didn’t get hurt.” The coward. Carson thought behind his breath. “But I’m out of jail and you’re safe. That’s all that matters.” He added with a smile. He looked down and he was surprised to see he and Casey were holding hands. When did that happen? Carson thought to himself. But surprisingly, he didn’t care. Holding Casey’s hand felt good. And he was going to keep it there.

[Casey Allen G5]

Casey wanted to smile. She did, but she couldn’t. For once, Casey wasn’t in a smiling mood. She felt like it was her fault. Carson was just protected her in whatever way he knew how. She respected him for it. He was her hero. But, she hated being the damsel in distress. Casey wanted to be stronger than that. She wanted the prince by her side, not watching over her like big brother. Casey just wanted to feel strong, but she didn’t. She felt like the stupid damsel. The one that wore way too much pink and couldn’t take care of herself. But that wasn’t Casey at all. For one thing, she didn’t love pink and she was tough. After all, Casey lived in three different worlds: the famous world, the normal world, and the wizard world. She knew how to handle herself in all of those situations. So how come this time things got so out of hand? Casey couldn’t help but wish that Ethan was alive. He would be nearby making her laugh and get over the whole thing. Actually, if Ethan was alive, none of this would have happened. But Casey didn’t want to think of it that way. She just wished that her friend was by her side. But, he wasn’t. He never would be and Casey just had to get used to it.

It was then that Casey noticed Carson’s bruise on his eye. “Oh my gosh.” She explained feeling instantly guilty. She brushed it lightly with her fingers as to not hurt him. “Does it hurt? Can I get something for it?” She felt like a mum at that exact moment. Which was funny because neither Carson nor Casey really had a mum in their lives. Carson’s parents were in Azkaban and Casey’s mum left her and her family. Casey shook her head. She didn’t want to think about it. She took her hand away from Carson’s face and looked at him. She sighed and frowned as he talked. Casey gave a small smile and shook her head. “Don’t lie to me, okay? I’m not stupid. Joel got put there one night. He was the only left at a drunken party when the broke it up. I know that jail sucks.” She said to him. Casey was naïve at times, but she could tell when the people she cared about lied to her. She eyed Carson. He only wanted to protect her, yes, but Casey simply wanted the truth.

Casey didn’t even notice how close they were to one another. She was too busy listening to Carson. Casey nodded. “I know. I just hate being the damsel in distress.” She admitted. “But, it seems I always am.” She sighed and shook her head. She hated being this weak. Casey wanted to be tough and strong, but maybe she wasn’t. She wasn’t sure either way. Casey shook her head. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” She told him surely. “You didn’t drag me anywhere. We were at the wrong place at the wrong time.” She nodded. Upon hearing those words, Casey didn’t blame herself anymore. Not completely anyways. Casey nodded slightly as he spoke. It was sort of hard to hear especially what he said about every time she screamed. “You were great. He was a jerk and I was the stupid princess being kept against my will, again.” True, Casey had never been hurt like this before, but she got put into situations like this every now and then simply because she was a cute, easy target. She hated it, but she couldn’t do anything about it.

Casey nodded. “That’s all that matters.” She repeated. She and Carson then looked down. She didn’t know when they held hands. She was too busy talking and listening. She smiled. She liked the way his hand felt in hers. And she could admit it to herself now. Ezzie and Ethan were right. Now, Casey wondered if Carson felt the same way. “I feel better.” She nodded. “I just hope you know that I don’t blame you and I don’t blame me anymore. And as much as I want to blame Hanson, I just have to blame fate I guess.” She said thinking about it. Casey wanted to blame Hanson, but she couldn’t. She didn’t know exactly why, but she didn’t want to blame anyone. She just wanted to move on. Casey smiled slightly at Carson. “Well, I think that no one can call me a goodie-goodie anymore, huh?” She asked lightly. She smiled at Carson and waited for him to respond.

[Carson McGreggor H6]

Carson merely shrugged at Casey’s many worried questions. She sounded just like Julie when she was worried about him. He smiled slightly at the memory of the many mother-like moments Carson had witnessed. He knew that neither Casey nor Carson had a real mother in their lives, but he supposed they’d both had a little taste of a mother-like figure. The hair on Carson’s arms stood on end as Casey touched his face lightly, making his heart accelerate like he’d been running for miles. It seemed to be pounding out of his chest, and Carson wondered whether Casey could hear the loud thumping that was echoing through his ears. But, he figured she couldn’t. Or rather, he hoped she couldn’t. “Oh, it’s nothing. Sometimes I forget it’s there. But it hurts sometimes when I touch it. It’s really not that bad though.” Carson said reassuringly. Carson didn’t fall victim to physical pain. He could deal with a bruise or two. It was the emotional pain of the incident that worried Carson. He shut his mouth, finally realizing he was rambling. Why was he so nervous? He had never been this nervous around Casey before. Normally, he was decently comfortable around her. But he finally realized how close they were sitting. He felt the ice in her words as Casey caught Carson right in the middle of his lie. “I’ve always been a bad liar. And I know you don’t like to be lied to. I should have known better. I’m sorry.” He said honestly. He hated getting Casey mad. He had never gotten her truly angry before, but he had seen Casey lash out on Slytherins and other unwelcome guests before. It wasn't an event he'd ever want to take part in.

He completely understood what Casey was saying. He loved how they could talk like this. Casey listened intently as Carson said what he had to say, and Carson offered her the same respect. He had always admired that about Casey. He loved how she could listen and tell Carson how she felt at the same time. “You definitely don’t strike me as the ‘damsel in distress’ type. I’ve always thought of you as one of those strong leaders who took charge and took no prisoners. But the great part about that is you can be as sweet as honey all at the same time.” He said with a slight smile. Wait. What was he saying? Sure, he had always admired these traits about Casey, but he would have never dared voice them to anyone. It was like his mouth had a mind all its own. It was saying things Carson had always thought to be true, but would never dare say to anyone, especially Casey. Carson wished Ethan was here. He’d know what to do. He’d tell Carson how to handle the thumping heart and the random comments he’d never intended on saying. But Ethan wasn’t here. Ethan was in heaven. Carson was on earth. That would be quite a long distance phone call. A phone call in fact, that Carson would never be able to make.

He sighed, when a sudden realization came to him. It was as if a sudden bolt of reason had hit him from the heavens. It was as if Ethan Jacobs himself was sending Carson a message. “Ethan and Ezzie were right, weren’t they? We can’t deny this anymore.” Carson thought to himself. Only it wasn’t a thought. Carson had said this aloud. More importantly, he had said it loud enough for Casey to hear. But why are you so terrified, Carson? Said a voice in Carson’s head. Isn’t this what you wanted? Casey would be great for you! Why are you so afraid of getting close to her? the wise voice continued. Where was this wise voice during the many parties Carson had attended with Ethan, where he’d made a total fool out of himself in front of countless girls? Where was this voice of reason when Carson was taking an exam at school, or even when he was in that alley with Hanson? But that didn’t matter. What mattered was it was here now, and Carson was going to follow it. “So how about it, Casey?” Said Carson, in a much more confident voice. “How about we give Hogwarts something new to gossip about?” He said lightheartedly, waiting to hear Casey’s response. Suddenly, he felt so much less uncomfortable around Casey. He stared into her beautiful brown eyes and waited to hear her answer. He wouldn’t be surprised if she gave him another black eye to match his first, but at least he could safely say he finally got the confidence to formally ask a girl out. Ethan would be proud, Carson thought with a smirk.

[Casey Allen G5]

Casey blushed as she took her hand away from Carson’s face. She couldn’t help it. When she was with him, she felt like blushing. Ethan and Ezzie had been right all along. And Casey was sure that Ethan was looking down from his own crazy-version of heaven laughing at how stupid Casey and Carson were not to have seen it all along. But, Casey didn’t know what to do about he. So, many things about her and Carson were wrong in her mind. Sometimes, they could be total opposites. But, sometimes they could seem so similar. Plus, they seemed to wrong because Casey had to constantly lie to him. She wanted so badly to tell him the truth. To tell him that she was Eden Sweden and that she would never lie to him ever again. But, she was scared. Casey was scared of a lot of things, but that topped her list really. She didn’t want Carson to walk away because of her lies. She didn’t want him to give up on her. Casey didn’t want to loose him as they all lost Ethan. She couldn’t stand loosing Carson or Ezzie. Casey would feel all alone without them. Yes, Eden had tons of adoring fans. But, Eden was only a part of Casey. If she lost Carson and Ezzie, she lost it all.

“Yea, not at all.” She joked. It was bad. Well, not really bad, but it at least looked painful. Casey hated looking at the bruise and thinking of the night before. She never would have guessed that one simply night of walking the city would have turned to full-fledge fight and battle over Casey. Casey hoped that Hanson would stay in jail for the rest of his life, but it didn’t seem possible. He could be out already; Casey didn’t even know nor did she really want to. Casey nodded when Carson talked about his lie. “It’s just..” She paused. “I’m not a baby. Don’t be afraid to tell me the truth.” She told him. Casey hated being lied to but especially from Carson. She trusted him to much. She wanted the truth from him always even if it hurt her. Carson might not be comfortable with that. But he had to realize that he couldn’t protect Casey forever. Casey smiled at Carson’s next words. They were so kind and truthful. Casey couldn’t help but blush even though she tried to brisk it away. “People see me as one because of my size I guess.” Casey was rather thin and sort of short. Not too short, but she wasn’t tall at all. “I’m not very intimidating, but thanks.” She smiled. Carson had a way of being completely nice without even realizing it. Some people saw him as a quite, troublesome guy, but Casey knew he was much more than that. And she hoped that he did too.

Casey had a shocked expression on her face at Carson’s next words. They were true, but Casey never thought that Carson would say them. Not after all these months of pretending. Casey nodded. “I know.” She kept herself from blushing. “I guess we’re both fighters at heart. We both wanted to prove them wrong, but they were right.” She couldn’t believe they were talking about this. But, they needed this. It was long over-due. Casey smiled. Did he just ask what she thought he did? Casey smiled. “Do we have to? Because I’d hate to actually admit that Ethan and Ezzie were right.” She smiled and joked. Casey faked a frown and then smiled. She didn’t have any words to say for the moment. She smiled, leaned forward and kissed Carson on the cheek. It wasn’t exactly a playful kiss. More of a, ‘what took you so long?’ kiss. “Does that answer your question?” She smiled and looked him in the eyes. She thought about what people at school would say when they returned. Maybe this would take some spot-light off of poor Ezzie, but Casey doubted it. Casey sighed. That didn’t matter though. The only thing that mattered for one moment was Carson and Casey. That was the way it was always supposed to be.