Better that we Break ((Brant))

[Jasmine Anderson]

Jasmine fought hard to keep her tears of frustration in check as she pulled a plastic comb through her wet hair. Why was everything had to be so complicated? Couldn’t there just be any simple solutions? No. Real life was different. There were decisions that had to be made even if you wanted to put it off until the last minute. She was going to move to the states with her aunt and cousin. They were the last bit of family she had, but she felt torn between them and Brantley. Setting the comb hard on her dresser, Jasmine bit her lip as the dresser shook violently. Setting her hand on the hard wood, it stopped shaking as Jasmine turned her attention to clearing the pictures that outlined the mirror. There were some still motions of her with Vanessa back in the summer beginning their second year at Hogwarts. Vanessa’s black hair was up in a pony tail, a laughing smile on her face as her arm was wrapped around Jasmine’s shoulders. Younger Jasmine was doing the same, but her eyes were closed making her look like a bug. A small smile briefly crossed her lips until she remember when she told Nessa the news. She wasn’t going to be around in time for the wedding. Actually, they still hadn’t set a date, but still, missing your best friends own wedding? The tears of frustration flooded back into her eyes are she tore the photos off from the mirror. How was Brantley going to deal with this? Would he have another angry outburst? Think she abandoned him again? He was the only reason that made Jasmine second think her decision with moving. They were the only family left, but Brantley was also her family too.

Tearing the rest of the pictures off from the mirror she bit her lip hard to stop from crying. One picture had torn in half from her angry outburst. Feeling a lump rise in her throat, Jasmine tried hard to put the picture back together. It was her favorite; a picture of her mom and dad when they were engaged. What was wrong with her? Feeling a tear trickle down her cheek she jumped hearing the door open. “Jazz?” her aunt called seeing her niece by the mirror. “Are you hungry? The pizza just arrived.” Jasmine wiped at the tear trail on her cheek shaking her head. “I’m not hungry,” she responded shakily trying to find some tape around her countertop. She could feel her aunt’s eyes on her pack, as she stood behind Jasmine. “Are you alright, honey?” she asked a worried expression glazed over her face. Jasmine bit her lip as she couldn’t find the tape. “I accidentally ripped a picture of mom and dad…” she whispered handing the two pieces to her aunt. Lana just looked at the paper, trying hard to keep the sadness from her eyes. “Its alright…I’ll tape it for…” but she could finish her sentence as Jasmine barged in. “No! It’s ruined! Nothing can fix it. I ruined it and there’s nothing you can do to make it any better.” Jasmine felt the tears sting her eyes as she tore the picture from her hands. Lana just stared at her. Jasmine never did anything like this. It wasn’t her nature to snap at anyone for anything. “This isn’t just about the picture is it?” Jasmine looked down at the ground as stayed quiet. “You don’t want to leave do you?” Jasmine just nodded still not saying anything.

“I’m sorry…its just all complicated…” Jasmine finally spoke turning around as she placed the picture tenderly in the box. Putting the lid on, she took the small shoe box, placing it into a larger cardboard one. “Jasmine…” her aunt begin but Jasmine stopped her. “I just want to be alone.” Her aunt sighed, nodding as she left the room, closing the door behind her. Jasmine listened to the stillness of her almost empty room, rubbing her arms with her palms. This was all just a mess. She had to get herself together. It wasn’t the end of the world. “It might as well be,” she whispered back to her thoughts turning the lamp on her bedside table on. It was already getting dark outside, leaving small shadows in her room. Sighing, Jasmine began to put all her ribbons and trophies she’d won at shows into the box, trying hard not to think about her two horses. They couldn’t go to the states with her, which meant either she had to sell them, or give them to Ellie. Jasmine only trusted Ellie with her horses, so she made a mental note to ask Brantley when she got around to telling him. Lifting the box off from the ground, Jasmine left her bedroom. Her aunt’s bedroom door was wide open, revealing Lana sitting on the bed with the TV on, lights out, and paper plate of pizza on her lap. Jasmine stared into the room shortly before heading down the stairs. Of course, Chad’s room was closed and locked, but the signs were taken down. Quickly heading down the stairs, Jasmine stopped in misstep seeing someone standing at the end of the stairs.

Her heart raced rapidly as she starred at the figure noticing that it was Brantley. Shocked, Jasmine stared into his face trying to read his expression. “Brantley…..what are you doing here?” she asked, after a long moment of silence. She could tell he was wearing nice clothing which only meant one thing. “Oh no…” she groaned repositioning the large box so it was sitting on her hip. “I completely forgot...we were supposed to have dinner tonight.” Biting her lip she stared at Brantley, still trying to read his face. He always wore a mask to disguise his emotions, which sometimes made it hard for her to see how he was really feeling. “Are you mad?”

[Brantley Chapman R7]

Brantley closed his eyes and relaxed into his armchair, the book he had been reading settled in his lap as he tried to relax every muscle in his body. It was so difficult to do when he was under so much stress. Under what stress exactly was something Brantley hadn’t quite figured out yet, but he would. All in good time, he would. He was never one to rush things. He liked to take his time in figuring something out, it was a relaxing thing to do… except for when you were stressed. Brantley looked at the book in his lap and closed it before standing and placing it back in the bookshelf. He wasn’t nervous, no, because he had nothing to be nervous about. Sure, he was taking Jasmine out to dinner tonight, but it was Jasmine and there was no reason to be nervous. Though, she had been acting a bit off lately – he had hoped it was for some rather petty reason that could be fixed with a nice moonlit picnic. The idea that there was something bothering her that she couldn’t share with him really upset Brantley, but he didn’t act upon his upsets or his frustrations like he had before. His medication helped keep him in check with that. Now, he just brooded alone in his room over it – wondering why she would act so strangely. Perhaps that was why he was stressed. It made perfect sense. Brantley liked to believe his girlfriend could come to him with anything, but if she didn’t want to or feel like she could… how was he being a good boyfriend for her? The answer was… he wasn’t. And Brantley hated that idea.

He left the library and made his way to his room to change into better clothes. Slipping into a pair of jeans and a nice striped button up shirt, he mussed his hair, and slipped his wallet into his back pocket of his jeans. Brantley really knew that he wouldn’t have to wear a tuxedo for what he had planned, but he did figure Jasmine deserved a boyfriend who didn’t smell like horses. Though, she might not mind that smell. He smiled to himself before spraying on a bit of cologne and turning around to leave the room. “Good Lord, Brant, did you take a bath in that cologne?” Ellie was leaning against his bedroom door frame, her blonde hair in two braids, her eyes watching him. Brantley looked startled a moment but regained his composure immediately and ran his fingers through his hair as he surveyed his sister. She had apparently just come back from riding, but she must’ve been just riding for serenity because she wore simple jeans and a flannel button up shirt. One of… “Mine,” Brantley replied, ignoring her question as he moved past her, flicking the sleeve of the shirt, “That’s my shirt, El.” Ellie shrugged and followed him down the hall and down the stairs to the living room, “I know, mine were all dirty, I didn’t think you’d mind.” Brantley shrugged too, he really didn’t mind. Ellie was always wearing his shirts and she knew that she was allowed to as long as she washed them herself.

“You’ve got that dinner with Jasmine tonight, right, Brant?” Ellie asked as they entered the living room and Brantley collapsed onto the couch, stealing a glance at the mantel clock above their fireplace. He nodded and Ellie sunk down beside him, resting her head on his shoulder. “Tell her hi, for me? I haven’t seen her in awhile and I’m starting to miss talking with her about Galileo.” Brantley smiled and wrapped an arm around his sister’s slim frame and held her tight to him. He could remember the first time Ellie had met Jasmine, she had been courteous to his girlfriend… but she hadn’t been Ellie. Now, Ellie was comfortable around Jasmine and had told him that she looked at Jasmine like a sister. It was something Brantley was happy about because Ellie had never had a sister like figure, she only had Brant and while he was the best brother… she needed a sister sometimes. They sat in silence together for a bit, just staring at the clock as the minutes ticked by. If they listened hard enough they could hear their mother’s uneven breathing coming from upstairs and the beeps from her machines. It was a melancholy atmosphere. The clock chimed 6:30 and Brantley turned to kiss the top of Ellie’s head before moving from the couch and standing, “Alright, I dunno when I’ll be home but don’t wait up for me, Ellie.” She nodded and watched him take out his wand and within seconds he had disapparated.

He reappeared in a small secluded wooded area where he had set everything up earlier that day. He just wanted to make sure nothing had disturbed the area. Everything looked fine and Brantley apparated again. This time when he reappeared it was outside Jasmine’s house. Chad was walking up the driveway, looking at something in his hand, and didn’t notice Brantley until he cleared his throat – causing the other boy to jump and drop whatever it was he had been holding, “Brantley! God, don’t do that!” Brantley chuckled and mumbled an apology as Chad knelt down to pick up whatever it was he had dropped, “So, here for Jazz?” Brantley nodded and followed Chad inside the house through the front door, “Well, are you sure she knows you’re coming?” He asked with a weary expression as they walked through the kitchen. “Pretty sure,” Brantley replied, “We’ve had dinner planned for weeks.” Chad gave him a look and then shrugged before climbing the stairs, “Well, alright, see you later, mate.” “Yeah, see ya.” Brantley stood at the bottom of the stairs for a bit, wondering what Chad could have meant by his question and the looks he was giving him. Had Jasmine possibly forgotten? That question was answered when she came bounding down the stairs with a box in her arms.

She spotted him and then took a moment to remember they had plans. Brantley shook his head at her asking if he was mad, “Puzzled is a bit more of an appropriate word. I don’t understand, Jasmine, I thought you were so excited for this dinner…? I didn’t think it’d be something you’d easily forget…”

[Jasmine Anderson]

Jasmine struggled to keep the box on her hip as Brantley spoke. Her arms were slowly beginning to at ache, tingling from numbness. Looking down at the ground, Jasmine sighed as leaned her back up against the wall. Normally she never forgot anything special Brantley had planned for her and his disappointment only made her feel worse. “Well I’m sorry that I forgot this only little thing! So sue me,” she snapped gazing up from the ground as she felt the box almost slip from her fingers. Quickly heading down the last two stairs, she twirled around Brantley, making her way into the living room. Jasmine could tell Brantley was following behind her as she put the box down on the ground with the others. This is what stress did to Jasmine. It made her extremely emotionally and moody, that it was almost like she was taking on Brantley’s bipolar disorder. Running her finger’s through her hair she shook her head, mentally slapping herself for snapping at him. That was a good way for him to remember her by; a complete emotional breakdown. The thought made Jasmine want to cry, but she suppressed her tears as she turned around on her heels, facing Brantley. “Look….I’m sorry Brant,” she began wanting to take his hand, but it would only make her feel even worse. “I just completely forgot about our date tonight…you know how I’ve been a little off lately.” Looking away from his hands, Jasmine crossed her arms across her chest as she let out a deep sigh. “I’m really, really, really sorry Brant. I shouldn’t take out my own frustrations on you….you deserve better.”

Looking away from his gaze, Jasmine rocked on her heels as she looked around the small living room. The book shelf that held the TV was empty, all the glass figurines bubbled wrapped and stored away. Maybe Brantley was beginning to get the hint? Their house was almost completely bare, being cluttered to the ceiling with boxes. The only things that weren’t put away in boxes were the dressers or couches that couldn’t be stored away in a box. Jasmine couldn’t even life a dresser, so why would they want to begin to move those things as well. Feeling a lump rise in her throat at the thought of telling Brantley, Jasmine felt sick to her stomach. All her fear and frustration bottled inside, clearing showing in her hazel eyes. It was always easy to tell what kind of mood Jasmine was in. All you had to do was look in her eyes, and read the emotions like a book. That was one thing Jasmine hated about herself. She’s tried to not show any feelings in her eyes, but it was easier said then done. Looking up at Brantley, she stood completely still as silence just took place. “I’m afraid,” she finally began, breaking the wall between them. That wasn’t exactly the way she rehearsed telling him, but might as well go along with it. “I’m scared that what I’m going to tell you now will make you have another episode…or feel as if I abandoned you again.” Jasmine felt fresh tears sting her eyes as she squeezed her arms tightly to her chest. “But what I’m afraid most of all…I’m afraid that you won’t love me anymore.”

Taking a deep breath, Jasmine watched Brantley’s face, looking for any sign of confusion. All she wanted to do was hug him. Jump into his welcoming arms and feel safe again. “I think….I think….That we should….” She struggled running her hands through her hair as she took a seat down on one of the arm chairs by the couch. “Brantley were moving.” Looking up from her hands she stared into his eyes, trying hard not to cry. “But were not moving anywhere in the United Kingdom....but the United States…My aunt got a better job offering in the states…she couldn’t refuse the offer.” Looking around the room at the boxes she buried her head in her hands. “That’s why I’ve haven’t been myself…that’s why I fear all those things because of this move….A part of me wants to go, but the other just wants to stay here with you because my aunt and cousin aren’t the only family I have. I have you, Ellie, and your mom as well…” she said trailing off as she rested her chin in her palms. “I’m sorry…”

[Brantley Chapman R7]

Brantley felt his eyebrows rise at her snappy tone of voice. He held up his hands as if he were backing off, even taking a step back; “Do you want some of my pills, Jasmine? It seems you’re the bipolar one tonight,” he told her with a joking smile. He wasn’t angry with her in the least, he was just confused as to what could have her might wrapped up completely that she might have forgotten a dinner plan they had made weeks in advance. He eyed the box that she held in her arms and took a small step forward to help her with it, but she spoke before he could; apologizing. The words that came from her mouth only made Brantley frown, however, and he shook his head; “Hey, I don’t want to hear you say that ever again, alright? I don’t deserve better. There is no better, Jasmine. I deserve you and only you.” They had moved into the living room by now and Brantley had taken in the packed boxes all over the place, his confusion growing at the sight of them. Everything was packed up as if they were moving, but that couldn’t be true because if they were moving Jasmine surely would have said something to him about it wouldn’t she have? And Brantley wasn’t likely to forget something like the love of his life moving. Actually, technically, Brantley rarely ever forgot anything – much less anything to deal with Jasmine. He looked at his girlfriend, concern clearly riddled across his face as she seemed to jump from emotion to emotion.

After what seemed like an eternity, Jasmine spoke again. Saying she was afraid that if she told him what she had to tell him he would go crazy again like he had before. Brantley shook his head and looked down at his feet. He didn’t want her to feel afraid to tell him things because he might have an episode. An episode, though, was highly unlikely now that he was medicated. The second fear she spoke of made Brantley shake his head again and look up at her; “Jasmine, that’s not possible. I wish you wouldn’t think such things.” Brantley really didn’t like the way Jasmine was talking. Didn’t she know that there was no way he couldn’t ever not love her? Jasmine had completely consumed him from the moment he had met her and from that day on he had decided that he wouldn’t part from her unless it was what she wanted. At the sight of tears in her hazel eyes, Brantley closed the gap between them and pulled her into his arms, holding her close to him. He listened to her talk, but he didn’t let go of his hold on her. Even as she told him that she was moving. Even though with the words she spoke, his heart broke into tiny pieces. She was moving? She was leaving? Everything inside Brantley seemed to break at that moment, but he didn’t let it show. She trailed off and Brantley lifted a hand to run his fingers through her hair, “Shh…This…it’s alright, Jasmine. I…” Brantley shook his head and closed his eyes tight, not knowing quite what to say.

Finally, after a moment, Brantley took a deep breath and pulled away from the embrace. Moving his hands to cradle her face and push some strands of hair from her line of vision. His eyes searched hers for a bit before he kissed her forehead lovingly, whispering with his lips still on her forehead; “We’ll get through this, Jasmine. I’m not going to stop loving you over you having to leave. As long as you want to stay together, I’ll be here. We’ll have summer holidays and… other holidays.” He stroked her cheek with his thumb and looked at her, “That is, as long as you want to stay together. If you don’t, I understand. I’m not saying I’ll like it, but I’ll understand.”

[Jasmine Anderson]

Jasmine stared blindly at Brantley, fresh tears stinging her eyes. Why was he making this so hard for her to leave? Was her decision going to be the best for both of them? They tried living without each other, but it didn’t work. Feeling frightened at the thought, she gazed over his shoulder at the railing. She didn’t want to feel empty again. That was exactly how she felt when he avoided her. Jasmine would have gone insane if she never got to see his face. If she even caught a glimpse of him during that time, it made her feel slightly happier. Just by looking at Brantley made her fill up with so much happiness. She didn’t want to go back to her sky old ways, but what about her family? Feeling Brantley’s arms wrap around her, Jasmine buried her face into the side of his shoulder. “I…..I….I know I shouldn’t think that…but I can’t help it…distance does a lot to people…and I was afraid of you being with someone else if I left…” she whispered through shallow breaths, never taking her face out of his shirt. Jasmine felt vile in her mouth at the thought of someone else with him. It was so hard to picture. Burying her head farther into his shirt, she felt tears escape her eyes as Brantley gently stroked her hair. He was always so good at hiding his emotions, but she was glad he didn’t let go. She needed him to keep her up. His words of encouragement did nothing to calm her crying. It wasn’t alright. Everything was falling apart. Their happiness…their life…everything.

When Brantley pulled away from their embrace, cupping her head in his heads, she stared into his beautiful blue eyes with her bloodshot hazel ones. Taking a deep breath as Brantley kissed her forehead she listened to his calming words. Why was she being so paranoid about this? Of course he would love her? Maybe her fears of him finding someone else when she came back for him scared her to death. “I want to be together…I really, really, do. I couldn’t live my life without you before, how can I now?” she began covering his hands that rested across her cheeks with hers. Leaning into his touch, Jasmine continued taking deep breaths. “But…my aunt and cousin are the only family I have left. I don’t know my grandparents…my dad was an only child growing up, so I don’t know anymore aunts or uncles…I feel like if I leave them…then I’ll lose a part of my parents.” For a spilt second, Jasmine felt angry. She felt mad that her parents had died to leave her all alone to deal with situations like this. “I don’t know what I’m going to do, Brant! You can’t make the decision for me…but it’s so hard to choose,” she trailed off finally looking into his eyes. All she could see was patience inside of them. No other feeling clearly showing. Was he sad? Was he mad? Well, he said he wasn’t angry, but still. Jasmine wanted to know how he felt.

“Don’t you ever let what you feel show at all?” she asked angrily through tears. Realizing what exactly she had said, Jasmine averted her gaze from his, dropping her hands to her sides. She was a complete wreck and was taking all her confusion and frustration out on him again. Taking a deep breath, Jasmine finally looked up from the ground. Without even thinking, she leapt back into his arms, her head resting comfortably in the crock of his neck. “What are we going to do?”

[Brantley Chapman R7]

“Distance does do a lot to people, Jasmine, but we aren’t normal people. We’re us, and we’re still going to be us if you live across the world.” Brantley stroked her hair lovingly, trying to keep his emotions under check. She was already a wreck; they didn’t need him to become a wreck as well. Brantley a wreck was bad. They had both seen how he was when he lost control of his emotions and he had sworn to her he would never be that way ever again. At least, not toward her. Brantley continued to hug her tight to him, his eyes closed. He didn’t want her to go, but he would understand. There are things that people have to make a choice between, and Jasmine had to make a choice. She could stay or she could go. And going meant that she would be with her family, and that was important. As much as Brantley wanted to tell her to stay with him, he knew he couldn’t or at least he shouldn’t. Her leaving was…expected in a sense by her family. Jasmine continued to cry in his arms, and it was making it rather difficult for Brantley to remain calm and collected. It was making it difficult for him to remain understanding. He really didn’t want her to go.

Brantley listened to her talk about how she couldn’t live without him before, how was it possible that she could do it now? It was a simple question, surely, but Brantley knew that it wasn’t so easily answered. He felt the same way toward the subject. Life without Jasmine before had been absolutely terrible; they had avoided each other and it had been pure hell. They had learnt that they couldn’t be without each other. Perhaps they had learnt it far too late? Brantley kissed the side of Jasmine’s head and let his lips linger a while as she spoke. When she looked at him and asked if he ever let his emotions show. Brantley couldn’t help but chuckle at that, “Why, yes, Jasmine, I do. But the last time that happened, I ended up throwing things at you. I’d rather not return to that.” He looked at her with a sad smile on his face for a moment, knowing she had caught her words and realized what she had said before he had even mentioned it. Jasmine then threw herself back into his arms, and Brantley wrapped them around her tight again. He lifted her off the ground a bit and hugged her tight, not ever wanting to let her go.

She finally spoke again, asking what she was going to do. Brantley had a feeling it was a rhetorical question, but as he set her down on the ground again, he pulled back just slightly to look at her. He cupped her chin in his hand and looked at her a moment before closing his eyes and kissing her forehead tenderly again. He didn’t want to tell her that she should stay, because half of him knew she should go with her family. But Brantley couldn’t bring himself to tell her to go either. “Whichever you choose, Jasmine, I’ll always love you and I’ll always be in love with you and I’ll always want to be with you. Hey,” he looked at her and smiled a small smile, “after this year perhaps I can move over there with you. We’ll… we’ll get a flat, yeah? This isn’t a change, Mademoiselle, this is merely a set back to our plans. We will still be together. Through everything. I promise.” Brantley smiled a hopeful smile and then leaned and kissed her softly, hoping it was with his kiss that he could calm her down a little bit.

[Jasmine Anderson]

Jasmine nervously chewed the side of her cheek as he chuckled at her snappy remark. He was right. Brantley out of control of his emotions was dangerous. Feeling the same wave of guilt flow through her when she thought of the subject, Jasmine tried to push it out of her mind. That was in the past and this was the future. Brantley had already forgiven Jasmine for her foolish mistake. Closing her eyes shut, Jasmine wrapped her arms tighter around Brantley’s neck. She could feel her body being lifted in the air when Brantley’s arms encircled her. She buried her face closer to his neck, his sweet smell filling her nostrils. Jasmine had grown to love the smell of cinnamon. It was his inviting scent that made her feel at peace, but it wasn’t quite working that way at the moment. It was rather making her want to cry even more in thought of the last time she could be near him. Grabbing on tighter, she closed her eyes even harder to stop the tears. Only a couple escaped her tightly shut lids, falling down her cheeks slowly. Jasmine wondered if she could stay in his arms forever. It sounded so cliché, but it was what she truly wanted. How was she ever going to go on without him? He was the reason why she lived each day, other than her horses, but her love for Brantley was as strong as her passion for riding, maybe even stronger.

When Brantley had sent her down and pulled away slightly, she looked up at his face. His hands cupped her chin, lifting her head so she looked into his face. They stared at each other for a short while before Brantley kissed her forehead again. Leaning into him, she closed her own eyes listening to his voice. She felt slightly more calm, her mind not so cluttered with emotions to think. Jasmine knew he wasn’t pushing her to make the decision between him or her family, but she could tell in his voice that he wanted her to stay. As much as she wanted to stay, her family needed her all the same. The thought of him moving to the States excited her only because they would live together. Jasmine had thought of that before; Brantley and her living together. That way, she could see him every waking moment of the day, and probably spend more time riding together. When she realized that would happen in a year’s time frame, Jasmine felt sad all over again. She didn’t have long to think it over before Brantley leaned down and kissed her gently. Closing her eyes, Jasmine kissed him back, leaning in even closer to him. She could taste the saltiness of her tears as Jasmine intensified her kiss. There was almost a tension in it that could make Brantley tell that she had already decided.

Pulling back, Jasmine breathed in deeply, resting her forehead against his. She could feel his breath on her cheek as she fought back the urge on telling him to stay a while longer for her. Maybe if he left, it wouldn’t be so hard to leave. “I love you so much, Brant,” she breathed softly feeling the space between them grew as Brantley took steps backwards. Jasmine’s eyes were still closed tight as Brantley disapparte out of thin air. The last time in a while she’ll ever see him.