Inner Sanctum ((Zara))

[Sapphire Phoenix R7]

Outside, into the late afternoon sunshine. That sunshine did have some warmth in it – yes, she could feel the rays blanketing her to make up for her lack of a warm jumper. But they formed just an invisible blanket, and that was a bit the way Sapphire felt at the moment. She knew that she had sources of happiness, joy and warmth, but she couldn’t really pinpoint them. She would have liked to, so that she could have made herself a little closer to them. Right now, she didn’t always manage to find those rays of warmth, sometimes traipsing out of reach of them without being able to tell where she was going, just like she didn’t realise she was about to walk out of a patch of sunshine until she did. And when she wasn’t in the sunshine, she certainly felt the general chill of the air around her, just as those who weren’t really her friends were so cold, so lacking in human kindness and compassion towards those who they didn’t consider their friends or worthwhile their attention. Did she do that to others too? She would have hoped she didn’t, but the prognosis wasn’t good. If people who were supposed to be friendly, caring, who had a reputation for being ‘nice’ and tried to be nice, were like that, what chance did she stand? She, with no more goodness than the next person, must surely be failing even more miserably than they, even though she couldn’t perceive it herself because of course it wasn’t perceptible, it wasn’t something that you thought you were doing.

Sapphire had missed the end of summer. Last time she’d checked, it had been summer. Then she’d been busy as she tried to adapt to her heavy workload again, this time regretting it a little more than she had last year when it had been a very good way to bury herself in something other than sobering thoughts. And now autumn had begun. She’d missed the transition, if there was a moment when you could say ‘Yes, that’s the end, forget the summer for another year, here’s the new season, cope with it.’ She’d missed any of that, and the conkers of the horse chestnut tree that had been on the ground for a while, out of their cushioned green treasure chests, had lost their sheen now, no longer that perfect proud burnished brown, but instead a much darker, shrivelled brown which seemed to have given up on the attempt to give autumn its glorious, sombre colours. Sapphire tapped one with her wand and for a few seconds it was restored back to its former glory, the passage of time reversed as it revealed its old tiny variations in colour that were always so fascinating. But Sapphire’s mood, anxious to move on before she got caught up, was such that it was an awful effort to keep it that way and she dropped it to the ground in its natural disappointing form. Great tragedies of nature, conkers, which raised your hopes with their beauty, a beauty that they kept for only a few hours once out of their shells before gradually beginning to fade away from that perfect shiny reflection of hopes and aspirations into a hollow, musty shrivelled reminder of what might have been.

Sapphire picked up two more conkers, and then a few leaves that she used her wand to tightly ravel up and then transfigure into two pieces of string. A couple of holes bored into the unlucky conkers, she tied the pieces of string in manually, and swung her slightly nostalgic creations in either hand as she walked along, out of the shade of the horse chestnut and the range of its huge five-fingered falling leaves. That was when she spotted her sister, and smiled as she made her way towards her. She hadn’t done much smiling yet today, although of course she wasn’t quite a smily person by nature. But Zara probably wouldn’t have seen it anyway, because her long red hair was the only thing that Sapphire could see at the moment and her face was turned away from her. Sapphire appeared from behind her sister and knocked her on the shoulder by swinging one of the conkers. She held it out for Zara to take.
“Heya,” she said. It would be obvious to her twin at once that she wasn’t quite in a good mood, but there was nothing could be done about that. Still, she would be glad to have someone who she could talk to, and Sapphire always felt that she could talk to Zara without any fears, because it wasn’t as though they had any secrets between them, or as though she had to worry about her sister’s perception of her changing, because she knew that they would still be loyal to one another’s confidence and needs despite any changes. It always had been that way. Sapphire didn’t say anything more, but instead looked at her twin pointedly and began swinging her own conker around with an air of confidence.

[Zara Phoenix]

Autumn was finally upon them. Zara smiled to herself as she stared up at the large oak tree waving grandly in the breeze. Streams of leaves circled downwards and rested on the Courtyard floor, once lush green veins turned red and golden. Zara’s hand reached out to catch a runaway leaf being buoyed by the warm wind, turning it over and letting the sunlight kiss its glossy surface. Its crimson colour was similar to her own hair when under the sun, Zara noted, before letting the sudden large gust reclaim its innocent victim. Her eyes turned to the magnificent tree once more, watching the rays of light work its magic through the gnarled branches and the remaining leaves waiting for their fall. Many would be surprised, but Zara’s favourite season was autumn, rather than summer. It signalled the end of something beautiful, the cold to come, but yet there was a promise of more happiness in the future. Zara listened to the rustling of autumn surrounding her, before shielding her narrowed eyes with a hand and glancing up at the sky. It was a great expanse of calm blue, masses of clouds floating across its home leisurely. Remnants of summer still clung on in hope; the leaves to its branches, the sun attempting to radiate brighter than ever to outshine the rain to come, and the memories of another long hot holiday left behind in the dust, for students were once again preparing for the onslaught of work. Zara could feel her building reluctance to settle down for her last year at Hogwarts, and so had ventured out for a breath of fresh air. She needed an outlet for her leftover summer energy, so she could knuckle down and convert that restlessness into diligent studying.

Zara jumped out of her reverie when she felt a light bump against her shoulder. Surprised, she turned to see Sapphire, and blinked at the sudden appearance of her twin. Two conkers dangled on strings in her hands; one was being offered to her. “Oh, hey.” Zara smiled in greeting, which then faded somewhat as she silently accepted the conker swinging in the light breeze. She could sense Sapphire’s discontent immediately in the way her darker eyes, such a contrast to Zara’s vivid blue ones, creased and folded at the edges in a frown that could never quite make its way to the surface, and the twitching at the corner of her small smile which suggested she wasn’t really enjoying herself that much. “What’s wrong?” Zara was worried, but not to a protective extent. She wasn’t hesitant in questioning Sapphire though; she knew that her twin would no doubt tell her soon, because they never hid anything from one another. Sapphire was Zara’s pillar, and vice versa. They leaned on one another; they knew where to turn to for unquestioning support. The twins had never seen themselves as similar, the same, or as one, for of course they were not. In fact, they had always been opposites, typical of unidentical twins. Sapphire and Zara were individuals. That hadn’t ever served as something that kept them apart though. On the contrary, they loved each other because of their differences. It was cause for celebration rather than remorse.

Zara swung her conker slightly, testing it out with a musing expression. Leaves carpeting the Courtyard floor rustled in response for Sapphire, and Zara cocked her head to one side, looking at her twin in curiosity. Zara would wait for an answer, and be the one to comment offhandedly to fill the silence until Sapphire gathered the courage and readiness to speak. And so Zara initiated the first blow. It wasn’t a hard, solid hit, just a gentle bump against the opposing conker, resulting in a light thud that echoed between them. This was a nudge of trust from Zara to Sapphire, one that wasn’t spoken but felt. Zara looked down at her conker judgingly; it was quite tough, with a durable layer that was not dented or marred yet by purposeful knocks. It would be enough for this, though Zara had seen and used better. It had been at least a few years since she had last played the conker game with Sapphire, one of their childhood activities to keep them occupied. They had never been provided with much entertainment, so the twins usually found their own. Conkers had amused them to no end when autumn arrived again. Zara smiled nostalgically as she swung her conker in a circle, staring at the rhythmic movement of the small brown object fixedly, waiting patiently for Sapphire to retaliate. “It’s been a long time since we last played.” Zara commented in fondness, watching a stray ray of light reflecting off the dull gleam of her conker’s surface.