Yin and Yang ((Conan))

[Katya Love S5]

It was one of those nights again. A night so still that Katarina Love felt almost connected to her mother. That sounds odd, I know, but that was just how Katya was. It made it difficult to sleep at night, but she had been trying for the past two hours as she laid on her back and pet Anya's slick black fur. The kitten, although she wasn't so much a kitten anymore, purred beneath Katya's touch and inclined her head toward the girl's hand. They were quiet a moment, all that could be heard was Anya's velvet purring, and then the black cat looked up and around the dormitory. Katya sat up as Anya's big green eyes scanned the room and then hopped off the bed lithely, moving out of the room stealthily. Katya stared out the door for a long moment before standing from the bed as well. Grabbing her robe, pulling it on, Katya left the dormitory, and followed Anya. The girl spotted a sleek tail of the cat round a corner into the common room just as she stepped onto the steps that lead into the room. Katya felt a sigh escape her, not really having any desire to head into the common room, but knew there was no way around it if Anya wanted her to follow. The cat was more like a human than a cat and sometimes Katya wondered if Anya really did know things that a normal cat might not. It wasn't like she was some special feline, but she did understand some things that a cat shouldn't understand. It crept a couple of people out, namely Tristan, which made Katya smirk with glee. Regardless, Katya followed Anya into the common room.

It was empty. The fire had dwindled down to nothing almost; the embers glowed dimly in the black expanse. Katya let her eyes adjust to the dim lighting before she searched for the green eyes of her cat. The silence was rather overwhelming, even for Katya, and she was rather grateful that a mewing could be heard from the other end of the room. "Anya? Chem ty seychas zanimaeshsya?" Katya's voice was a whisper and the Russian came out as nearly a hiss. The mewing stopped momentarily before there was another meow, followed by a hiss. Katya's hair stood on end on her arms and on the back of her neck. "Anastasiya…" Katya wasn't easily scared when it came to many things, but after her stalker incident, being alone in the dark didn't sound appealing in the least. Ever since then, she loved the light and she loved being in public. Perhaps she didn't love being social, but she didn't like being alone as much as she used to. It was for this reason that Katya was starting to get anxious about being in the common room alone at such a late time. Katya took a tentative step forward, her eyes still searching for Anya, her palms going sweaty as she spotted nothing. She knew she was being silly, but still…" Anya… come on…" her voice was still a whisper, but this time it was hoarse. There was no response, not even a meow. The silence felt alive.

Then there was a screech that sounded otherworldly, and a flash of white fur chasing after a lump of black. Katya jumped back as the two cats ran past her. Anya's tail was straight up in the air and the white cat, which Katya recognised immediately, chased her up toward the boys' dormitories. Katya's eyes remained on the staircase as she stood in the middle of the common room; now completely alone. Her heart rate quickened as she listened intently to the silence for a source of something that wasn't meant to be in the common room. The seconds seemed to pass forever, ticking away the time that Katya stood alone in the dark. After what seemed like hours, there came no sound and Katya decided to lie down on the couch and wait for Anya to reappear. With her legs on the couch, and her arms crossed over her chest, Katya stared up at the ceiling of the common room tensely. She didn’t know what was taking Anya so long, but she wasn't about to go up there and find out. After what seemed like an eternity or so, someone was coming down the stairs and Katya snapped her head in the direction. Her fingernails dug into her arms, praying that it wasn't Tristan or anyone else she didn't feel like she couldn't tolerate. What she received, though, wasn't who she was expecting.


((Translation: Chem ty seychas zanimaeshsya? - What are you doing now?))

[Conan McIlroy S5]

Conan wasn’t sleeping. But what was unusual about that? Conan never slept; why he never slept was the unusual thing. It wasn’t that he didn’t really want to sleep; it was just that his body wouldn’t allow him the sleep. Conan had tried and tried for years to get some sleep at night, but to no avail. His mind was always busy; there was always something to think about or something to work on. Sometimes, when he didn’t feel like doing anything he would just lay in his bed and stare up at the ceiling, thinking. He hardly blinked on those nights, but at the same time it was almost as if his eyes weren’t open. It was like he was dreaming while he was awake. Eventually, Conan was sure he dozed off during the night, but he could never remember when or how. He knew it however, because in the mornings he always felt wide awake. Maybe it was just that Conan’s body didn’t think it needed very much sleep, and so it used all of its time thinking through the day’s events or millions of thoughts thought throughout the day. Or perhaps he really did get more sleep then he thought he did, and he just convinced himself he stayed up longer then he did in reality. In the mornings Conan wasn’t bothered either way, and he knew that he stayed up well into the night on an average night, but all together that was just the norm for him. Like I said, he dealt with it, either laying in bed or doing something else. Tonight was one of the latter nights.

Tonight Conan had stayed in the common room long past when everyone else had gone to bed. He had watched them all as they slowly meandered up the stairs, groggy eyed and half asleep before reaching their beds. And he would incline his head when the few people who cared to do so would mumble a goodnight to him. Conan was quite consumed on this night however. He didn’t have any homework, which was a blessing, and so he was free to use his time to something far more important. Like writing a story he had been working on for a few months now. Half way through writing a chapter, a mental image had blocked his words from coming out of his pen, and so instead of writing he had decided to do some sketching. The two things, the writing and the sketching went hand in hand of course. The words would lead to an image, and sometimes the images would lead to words, but for both things when Conan got started, there was really no stopping him until he was ready to stop. Conan had been writing since around nine o’clock that night, and it must have been far later then that by the time he had decided to start sketching. The fire had died down some, and as he stood from his chair at the table in the room, he made a mental note to bring the thing back to life when he returned. Now however, he needed to fetch his sketch book. So he headed towards the stairs, up to his dorm room, leaving the small white ball of fluff that answered to ‘Roman’ lying comfortably in front of the deceased fire.

When Conan reached his dormitory, and opened the door, he paused a moment, sure that he had just heard another door open as well. He waited for a few moments, assured himself that it was nothing, and then headed to the trunk at the end of his bed. He lit the top of his wand and began rummaging through his things, knowing that the book he needed was underneath all of the other sketch books he had, for he had a different one for each project he had started. He had just found it when through the door he had left open, two hissing, scurrying balls of fur ran into the room, jumped onto his bed, toppled around a bit, ran full circle around the room, and then managed to collide into Conan on their way back around. The cats by this point were hissing and whining at each other, and they were slowly managing to wake up a few of the other boys in Conan’s dorm. After a few seconds, and a few scratches, Conan pulled the two apart and apologized to his dorm mates. He picked up the larger of the two cats, a black one he’d seen before, grabbed his sketch book, and then left the dorm with Roman following close at his heel. As Conan walked back down the stairs he petted the head of the black cat, scolding Roman for being such a pain, and apologizing to the cat in his arms for the disturbance. Conan made it all the way down the stairs before seeing probably the last person he thought he’d run into. He walked over to the couch, smiled a small smile, and held out the cat in his arms. “I believe she’s yours, right?”

[Katya Love S5]

Katya watched the staircase expectantly, holding her breath. A silent prayer bounced around in her head as footsteps could be heard descending the stairs. When the person came into view, Katya felt her eyes widen slightly. Conan held Anya out toward her, asking if she belonged to Katya and Katya, stupidly, looked – or more like stared – at Conan before pulling herself from her daze and nodding, "Yeah, she's mine." A light smile flickered across her face briefly before vanishing again behind the veil that she usually kept her emotions hidden behind. Katya reached up and took Anya from Conan easily, pulling the cat close to her and petting the top of her head. There was silence again, but this silence was different than the previous silence. This wasn't a solitary silence, no, this silence was shared between two people…two people who had, oddly enough, spoken only twice before even though they had shared the same house for 5 consecutive years. If that doesn't give you an idea of how isolated Katya is, I don't know what will. The fact that Katya had only spoken to Conan McIlroy once before is a mind boggling one, especially if you take into account that the house was small. The two times that she had spoken to Conan, though, weren't ones that you would easily forget. Katya wasn't good at remembering instances, scenes, conversations, or anything of the sort – but she had remembered the first conversation she had with Conan… if not because she felt like she was coming across as a complete loon, then because it was probably one of the only conversations Katya had in her third year prior to her personality change. She didn't talk to many people before that era in her life.

The conversation hadn't been a revelation, life changing experience… in fact, if Katya thought back on it hard enough, she would see that she had been quite the little priss. The conversation had almost been simple it's in entirety, but it did leave Katya wondering what she was going to be like for the rest of her life. Was she going to continue to close off people and irritate them with her snide remarks? The conversation had perhaps been the catalyst to Katya's change. So, in a sense, I suppose you could call it a revelation… an epiphany of sorts. Regardless, the first conversation wasn't as eventful as it could have been, though it was quite odd to think they were brought together then because of their cats as they were now… only, the roles were reversed, and Katya didn't really feel like she and Conan had made any form of connection in any sense. Which begs the question? Why had she felt a small surge of jealousy that one night on the grounds when Abigail had shown up and decided to comfort him in her stead? Katya had puzzled over that for awhile, but she hadn't ever solved it and she had abandoned it as she did most things she couldn't solve or understand. She took it for what it was and she let it be that way. There was no way around it and no way to fix it. Thus, Katya grew to accept that life kind of blew away from you at times and caught your emotions up in a whirlpool.

The second conversation had been her comforting him for a moment or so, hoping to make his situation a bit better by making him feel a bit better but only failing miserably and making him wetter instead. Katya felt, at this precise moment, her cheeks heat up slightly at the memory and she turned her gaze away from Conan to the ceiling again, her forefinger absently scratching Anya on the head. The silence remained around them for a bit before Katya broke it with a small voice, "Couldn’t sleep, Conan?" The accent with which she spoke wasn't thick, nor was it very thin. It was a mixture; quite an odd one at that, between Russian and Irish. The Russian was thicker than the Irish, and Katya liked it that way. When she spoke in Russian while she was staying in Moscow, though, her grandmother's sister would criticise the accent she used because it had that "western European" sound to it. Katya almost always rolled her eyes at that and continued to speak the way she wanted to speak. There wasn't a single soul who could change the way she was. Not after all she had been through. She let her eyes roll back to Conan, watching him intently and waiting patiently for his answer.

[Conan McIlroy S5]

Conan handed the cat off to Katya, and then stood there for a few minutes, just looking at her. It wasn’t a creepy sort of way of looking at someone, and he wasn’t exactly scanning her meticulously or anything, he was just...looking at her. He had seen her around for the past two years, but he hadn’t ever put himself in close vicinity of her. He’d not really ever had a reason to. Now he supposed their cats had once again given him a reason to talk to Katya Love; the girl he assumed he’d be avoiding for the rest of his life. Though why he was avoiding her was quite the complicated question...well it isn’t really a complicated question, but it has a complicated answer. Nonetheless, Conan hadn’t assumed he’d be here again. When he finally pulled his eyes from Katya, it was to stop himself from bringing back all the memories of his third year that he had. Well not all of his third year, but a good majority of it at least. The memories of his bad decisions and the loss of loved ones, and the loss of a potential friend...because of...guilt? Oh well, he didn’t want to think about it and so he didn’t look at her at that moment. Conan walked away a few steps and set his sketch book on the table he had been working at prior to the cat wrestling match he’d just witnessed, and instead of taking a seat, he straightened all the things on the table. Conan wasn’t one for order unless it was involving his written or drawn materials. He liked those to be organized.

There was a silence between him and Katya, and Conan couldn’t help but look over at her again as he finished straightening up his notebook so that it was perfectly aligned with his sketchbook. She had obviously just gotten out of bed, unlike Conan, for she was wearing pajamas, while he was still wearing his school pants and school shirt. His tie however had been removed, along with his sweater, and both were sitting on the table he had been working at. His sleeves were rolled up, and his top button was undone as usual. Conan turned himself away from observing Katya again, and his eyes happened to fall on Roman, whom was seated below the couch. His eyes stared up at Katya and her cat (Anya if Conan remembered right) and he was obviously debating the best move for attack. Conan rolled his eyes and walked over, bending down to scoop the cat up in one hand before walking over to the fireplace. Conan grabbed the pole that was leaning against the mantle, and pushed it into the fireplace, turning over a few logs, and poking things around until a few flames brightened up again, lighting the room a bit more. It was still dark of course, but at least the seats around the fireplace were dimly lit. Conan set the poker back down and then closed his eyes in frustration as Roman bit his forefinger, just about the same time Katya spoke up.

Conan turned around again to face Katya, who was still lying on the couch, and then made his way to an armchair near her, sitting down and getting comfortable before looking over at her again and shaking his head. “No...still don’t sleep much...too much going on up here.” Conan tapped his forehead with a small smile at her, and then he sat back a bit in his seat. “What about you? Can’t sleep?”

[Katya Love S5]

Anya mewed, causing Katya to look at her and then follow her sturdy gaze to the white ball of fluff on the floor; seemingly ready to pounce. The black cat, anticipating attack, stood up and clung to Katya's top, causing a low hiss to issue from her lips, "Niet." She whispered as she tapped the top of Anya's head gently with a finger. The cat looked at her and then hissed down at Roman with a sign of agitation before turning around and plopping down so her backside was facing the other cat. Katya rolled her eyes and was about to say something when Conan picked up Roman and took Katya's excuse to speak away. A soft purr came from Anya as Katya let her hand drop and circle around the small cat in a sort of shield. The silence stayed with them for a bit before she asked the question, her eyes focusing on Conan once more. He had stirred the flames in the fireplace so they actually became flames instead of dying down embers, and then he took a seat and answered her question. She smiled a small smile to his reply and then shrugged rather nonchalantly to the question, which was aimed back at her; "Sleeping's difficult lately. Not that I did much of it before, but at least then I could close my eyes without fear. I can't sleep without Anya, anyway, and well… she decided to play tag with Roman, so I followed her down here." She didn't mention that she was nearly scared out of her mind. That wasn't something she would like to share with Conan. She shifted her gaze from Conan to the fire and watched that until her eyes stung and she had to look away.

She could feel fatigue wash over her, but she knew she wouldn't be able to go to sleep so she wouldn't permit herself to try. Anya, who had been seemingly sleeping only two moments before, hopped off Katya's stomach and onto the floor, circled it a bit, sending looks at Roman in Conan's hands, and then plopped down on the floor…sprawled out – all four legs sticking out. It was a comical sight and Katya didn't bother to hide her smile as she pulled a couch pillow underneath her head to prop her up easier. Anya closed her eyes and started to sleep, or at least Katya figured she had started to sleep because the cat didn't stir at all, but you could never be quite sure with Anastasiya. Watching Anya for a moment proved to be a good distraction before she realised she couldn't let the silence return, so she moved her gaze back to Conan and looked him in the eyes for awhile; not really having much to say. It wasn't like she was staring at him in a creepy sort of way, nor was she doing it in a lovesick way, she was just staring at him…watching him…taking in his body language… studying him. Why, no, that didn't sound creepy at all. Katya smiled at him, another small smile, but a sincere one, and turned on her stomach, holding the pillow underneath her chin and kicking her legs up slightly. She looked like every other fifteen year old girl out there, not like Katya Love. "How've you been since your venture into the cold? You didn't catch pneumonia, I hope. Abigail must have been smart enough to listen to me at least…"

The words were out before Katya really realised she had said them. She bit her bottom lip and shrugged, not sorry she had said it after she had initially done so, but then the thought occurred to her that he might… "You aren't still with her, are you? Because if you are… completely forget I said that… I don’t want enemies. Even stupid ones… especially stupid ones."


((Translation: Niet - No.))

[Conan McIlroy S5]

Conan sat back in his chair, his hands clasped in his lap. He looked rather professional, if not for the shabbiness of his attire. It didn’t really matter, Katya was talking again and Conan’s attention was directed back to her. He smiled as she talked about sleeping, and then mentioned their cats’ little moonlight romp, if you could call it that. When Katya finished talking, and then repositioned herself when her cat moved, Conan realized all too late that he was in fact staring at Katya, but not really her, more just at her eyes. But somewhere inside his head he had this voice tell him that that was okay, seeing as she was doing the same thing to him. It was strange, normally people didn’t just stare at each other like that without talking. But there where Conan and Katya, just watching each other, looking each other in the eye as they sat in complete silence, except for the soft sounds of purring and a crackling fireplace. Conan was used to those noises however, and he was actually just waiting for the sound of something crashing, because Roman was always up to knocking something over. It was like a game to the small cat; how many expensive things can I knock down in one night. Conan spent half his night at least casting spells to repair broken articles around the room because of Roman. But as much as Conan complained about the cat he really did enjoy his company. When Roman did settle down he was quite the cuddle-er. And he was small enough to happily curl up against Conan and not be a nuisance or an annoyance in any way. When Conan had originally gotten the cat he hadn’t ever assumed that it would never grow, but Roman’s lack of growth had worked out for the best. Where was that cat after all?

His eyes hadn’t left her, though his mind had wandered a little thinking about his cat. But now it was all eyes and ears to Katya again. Conan could tell she was tired, she looked tired, but he wasn’t about to deny the company that he had been denying for the past two years. Interesting how he thought that, and then what did Katya bring up? None other than the event that had taken place two years ago. Conan’s body stiffened slightly at the mention, but he quickly caught himself. He had pushed his guilt aside as Katya kept speaking, and then he just couldn’t help but smirk at her next words. “I’m not still with her Katya. I broke up with her the day after the storm...and no, I didn’t get a cold...but that’s all thanks to you, you know.” Conan paused to let his smirk shift into a smile. “You’re right, if you hadn’t been there and told her to get me inside I would have easily gotten pneumonia...I was on the verge...thanks to a certain someone who thought it’d be great to dump water on me.” Conan chuckled and looked at Katya expectantly, wondering if she remembered that detail. It was odd that Conan even remembered it, seeing as he was in such a bad state that night, but somehow he had managed to remember everything that had happened that night. “I’m just playing...but...I guess I never got to really say thanks...you um...well I wish you had stuck around...I could’ve used someone there who was actually semi intelligent. I mean, I obviously wasn’t okay...” Conan managed another chuckle and then he shrugged. He didn’t really want to dwell too much on his third year; it brought a sick feeling to his stomach.

“How about you eh? How’s the boyfriend?” Conan looked at Katya for a minute and then decided it would be better to look down at her sleeping cat instead so he could actually carry on a conversation without saying something he’d regret. “MacCay, right? I’ve seen the two of you around...I mean...once or twice...” Conan shrugged and clasped his hands together, before looking up at Katya again. He wasn’t quite sure why seeing her with the other Slytherin boy had always caused him to roll his eyes, and on bad days, glare. But for one reason or another it had. He’d never quite liked them as a couple; she always just seemed too good for the guy. But who was Conan to judge relationships?

[Katya Love S5]

Katya noticed the change in his stature. She sensed his body go stiff without having to touch him. Immediately, Katya felt terrible for bringing it up. She wouldn't like someone to bring up her stalker situation, so why did she think Conan would have enjoyed her bringing up his not so finest moment? Perhaps she wasn't thinking. She was about to apologise when he spoke, saying he had broken things off with Abby the day after the storm and then he… he thanked her. Katya eyed him, a smile on her lips, and then nodded in acknowledgement. She hadn't ever expected thanks from him, in all honesty, she didn't think she deserved thanks. After all, she had… Katya blushed again and looked at the pattern on the couch pillow. Her golden brown hair shielding her face until she gathered herself enough look up at Conan again, "Yeah, sorry about that. I really had been trying to keep you dry. A lot of good that did, eh? I'm a klutz." Katya sent him a bright smile before resting her head on the pillow, her eyes still on him. She found herself wondering why this conversation was easier than the one they had shared two years prior. Perhaps it was because they were more mature this time around, or perhaps it was because Katya really did enjoy Conan's company, something she couldn't enjoy before. Whatever the reason, Katya liked his company, even if it brought back negative feelings toward a certain Abigail Roche. Katya was capable of pushing those aside.

The negative thoughts about Tristan MacCay, however, she couldn't stop. Katya's blue eyes darkened and she shook her head, "He's not my boyfriend, Conan. I'd use the Cruciatus curse on myself before I dated Tristan MacCay." Her voice didn't hold the venom she wished it had. She was finding it difficult to be anything but nice to Conan. "I don't know why people seem to think we're dating," Katya said to herself, but mostly to Conan, "If my look of annoyance can be seen as a look of enjoyment, then I think I'll start giving him a look of hatred." She rolled her eyes and then she rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. It wasn't ornate or anything, it was just a stone ceiling, but it held her gaze for a moment as she thought about her "friendship" with Tristan. After her silence, she finally spoke quietly, though, without taking her eyes off the ceiling, "I only tolerated him for so long because I thought I owed him something." Her life was probably the clearer term she should have used. That was something she didn't want to get into at this moment, though, and that's an odd thing to say considering she brought it up she only hoped Conan wouldn't ask her to elaborate. She wasn't sure if she could if he asked. It wasn't because she wouldn't know what to say, it was because she was nearly certain it would lead toward a breakdown that Katya didn't want to have in front of Conan. It was a breakdown so agonising, so heart and gut wrenching, so terribly mind numbing that Katya wouldn't like to share that pain. Especially with Conan. She pulled herself from her thoughts and looked at Conan, noticing for the first time that he had looked at Anya instead of Katya when he asked about Tristan. That made her smile and she didn't know why.

Katya lifted her arms into the air and spread her hands, looking at her slender fingers as she sat in a comfortable silence with Conan and their two kittens. On her left thumb she wore a simple silver band with Russian etched into it. She hardly wore jewellery, but when she did it was always silver and it was always linked to Russia somehow Katya closed her left fist and let her arms fall down beside her, her left hand resting on her chest. The silence had settled over them enough now that Katya was nearly drifting asleep before she said quietly, "Why did you think Tristan and I were a couple? I mean, everyone thinks that way, and I would like to find out a way to stop it."

[Conan McIlroy S5]

Conan looked over at Katya as she spoke again to answer his question. Her answer was not exactly what he had expected, but it was...a little closer to what he was hoping for. He chuckled as she mentioned how she would rather cast one of the unforgivable on herself before she’d date Tristan. At first Conan had gone to shake his head at the obvious insanity of the statement but thinking it over he realized that he knew of a situation that, if he were to do it again, he’d say the same thing. If there was one thing Conan regretted, it was his choice of a first relationship during his third year. He was young, naïve, and inexperienced and he had jumped at what he had thought would make him mature and more like the older kids of the school. When he was younger Conan had always strived to be involved with the older kids in his house. He’d tried to be mature, and to understand the things that the upper years were going through, but try as he might he was still young and he still couldn’t completely get it all. Therefore, when he was fourteen and given the opportunity to feel older then he was he had gone straight for it. Doing so however, had only gotten him in over his head into a relationship that had sucked him dry of all his common sense.

A line from a muggle book Conan knew sprang into his mind, about how people did things sometimes that they would surely be sorry for afterwards. Yes, that is exactly what had happened with Conan. He had done things to impress the older friends he had. Why Conan had always striven to befriend the older classmen was something of a mystery. It could perhaps be just because Conan felt like he would be ‘cooler’ if he did, or maybe he looked up to them so much he longed to be around them, but probably the most feasible answer, would be that Conan strove to be with an age group that was more at his level mentally. Conan’s knowledge as a third year was equivalent to that of a fifth year, he knew that for sure, though his maturity was that of a third year. Conan had always been gifted mentally, he always excelled. And it’s a proven fact that gifted students tend to make peers of children more on their mental level. Which is exactly what Conan did. To say however that Conan did exceptionally in his classes however would not be honest. Just because he’s smart, doesn’t mean he always applies himself.

But enough about Conan and back to Katya. Conan had managed to look up at her now, listening to her go on about how she and Tristan were most defiantly not a couple. Conan chuckled, if only an empty chuckle and shrugged. He sat back in his chair, and watched as Katya lay back on the couch. His eyes followed hers as she raised her hands in the air, and then lay them back down beside her. Conan’s eyes were following the silver ring on her finger, but he eventually tore his eyes from her hand after a few minutes of it resting on her chest. Katya spoke again, and this time her voice showed quite obviously that she was getting tired. For a reason Conan didn’t bother wondering about, he stood while she spoke and moved to sit on the couch next to her. She was lying on it however, so he just sat on the arm of the chair, wondering if she would make room for him. He had never been one for talking across a room. Conan shrugged when Katya finished and looked down at her. “You two always seemed to be together...and I suppose he always seemed very clingy with you. I used to see you both around a lot and I suppose I assumed...except at meal times, I’ve seen him there but never you.” Conan smiled. “One time I saw him with some girl at the table, it looked a little questionable, and I was tempted to tell him that he shouldn’t act that way when he has a girlfriend...good thing I didn’t huh?”

[Katya Love S5]

Katya had closed her eyes, which she found to be quite the bad idea because it was harder to stay awake when she did that, but when she opened them she looked up and spotted Conan sitting on the arm rest beside her head. She looked up at him for a moment and then sat up, reaching and grabbing his hand, pulling him to sit down beside her. She didn't realise she had grabbed his hand really until he was sitting beside her, and even then she didn't drop it immediately. Instead, she lifted them so they were palm to palm and looked at the size of his hand compared to hers. After a second or so, Katya dropped her hand and crossed her arms over her chest, resting her head on the back of the couch while she listened to Conan explain why he thought Tristan and she were a couple. A dry chuckle escaped Katya and she looked over at the boy sitting beside her, "Probably a good thing, he would've given you a really dumb look. Half the girls Tristan talks with, though, or even flirts with for that matter, mean hardly anything to him anymore, though." Katya looked at Conan a moment and then rolled her eyes to look at Anya on the floor, still sprawled out like she had plopped down initially. Tristan had changed a little, but Katya was okay with that. It meant he wasn't hanging on her every five minutes like he had been the past two years. She could actually have some time to herself. Oh, thank God. She pulled herself from her thoughts to look at Conan again, her eyes never wavering as she watched him. She knew that most people would get freaked out by the fact that Katya was staring so bluntly at them, but Conan, for some reason unbeknownst to Katya, didn't and that was something that intrigued her.

The silence returned, but Katya didn't let it eat at them for too long, because she started talking again; as Katya seemed to do when she was with Conan. It was so strange, because she never really ever spoke to anyone else besides Tristan and she found it shocking that she couldn't shut up when she was talking with Conan. Perhaps it was just because she was tired, maybe she could chalk it down to that – but somehow Katya knew that it was more than that. She ran her fingers through her hair and spoke quietly, "You'll never see me at meal times anyway. I don't eat." She paused here, and then shook her head, "Not in the Great Hall anyway. I don't eat in front of people is what I should have said." She wasn't anorexic or anything, Katya did eat... in fact she ate a lot, but it was difficult for her to eat in front of people because she didn't like people watching her eat. She usually got some food from the kitchens and returned to the common room or her dormitory if someone was in the common room, and ate there while she worked on homework or looked through her portfolio that was terrible. She didn't even know why she kept a stupid portfolio, it wasn't like she was ever going to do anything with her photography or anything. Regardless, that was where Katya ate because she hated people watching her eat. It was something she had carried over from her mother. Her mother hated people watching her eat, too. She hadn't ever eaten dinner with her family because of that reason – Katya was the only person who ever saw her put food into her mouth. Katya remembered always wondering how in hell her mother could eat so much and be so thin… now she didn't bother wondering because she was the same way.

As she thought about this, she hadn't looked away from Conan, but now she did again to look at Anya who had sat up now and was watching the two on the couch. Anya's green eyes flittered to Conan, who she seemed to be glaring at. Katya hid a smile, knowing that Anya wasn't happy that Katya was socialising with someone besides her. Katya wasn't ever really social, so whenever she did socialise, Anya grew pretty over protective. It was one more thing about the cat that made Katya question whether or not she really was a cat and not some kind of familiar of sorts. Of course, Anya being a familiar was out of the question – but sometimes the cat just had so many human like tendencies, Katya was shocked not to see her walking around on her hind legs in clothes with a hand bag and speaking English as if she were born to speak it.

[Conan McIlroy S5]

Conan was still speaking when Katya pulled him down onto the couch, and her pulling him didn’t stop him from speaking either. Conan had never been one to worry about how people took the things he said. Conan was the type to say what was on his mind and let that be that. This didn’t mean however that Conan never got embarrassed or nervous because he did occasionally get embarrassed or nervous. This only meant that Conan said what he was thinking despite how embarrassed or nervous he might be to say it. His uncle had always told him not to worry about what people thought of him, and he had always done his best to live up to that. Conan was Conan and that was that. What you saw was what you got. He didn’t hide himself from people, and he didn’t act fake in front of people. He was the real Conan all the time. Now once again, this didn’t mean that Conan told everyone every bit of his life story, but he was certainly honest with a person. You would never catch Conan being two faced, it wasn’t in his nature. He wasn’t a true politician like his uncle after all.

Conan finished speaking around the time Katya was comparing their hand sizes, and he smiled as he watched her do so. Conan looked from their hands, to her as she studied their sizes, and then his gaze dropped back to his hand as she let go of it. He pulled it back with a light cough, clearing the silence that he didn’t know what to do with, and then placed it in his lap as he shuffled a bit to get comfortable on the couch. Katya must not have noticed Conan’s awkwardness or she just didn’t acknowledge it because she continued their conversation and Conan chuckled as Katya made a comment about how Tristan would have given Conan a really dumb look if he had said anything. Conan was happy at least someone could come up with a way to keep the conversation going. He had never been good at lively conversations, he was one of those people who answered questions and then let things be. But the more he and Katya talked the more comfortable he was getting at initiating topics of concern. It was most definitely on the count of the fact that he didn’t want to go back to his dorm and lie there alone, but he was sure that at least part of it was that he was really enjoying Katya’s company. Ok, ok, so at least half of it was because of that.

Soon enough Katya was moving past another bought of silence, taking up the subject of why Conan would never find her in the great hall. Conan smirked at her. “So you never eat in front of people? Ever? You know, that’s kind of a skill that’s useful in the real world...I think I’ll take you out to lunch and force you to get over it.” Conan chuckled and then looked down as Katya did, following her gaze to her cat. The cat that was now staring up at Conan in some sort of glare. Conan was going to say something about the cat having no fear of staring either, kind of like Katya, but instead he just smirked when Roman came out of nowhere, pouncing on Anya and then wresting her away from the couch. Part of Conan felt bad that his kitten wouldn’t leave Katya’s alone, but at the same time he was glad the animal wasn’t glaring at him anymore. He smiled over at Katya and then chuckled. “Roman’s a bit of a handful, but I’m sure you remember that from our last meeting huh? I mean...the one in which I wasn’t crying.”

[Katya Love S5]

Katya tucked her hair behind her ear and looked at her hands before closing her eyes and relaxing into the couch. The fire crackled as the silence continued to dance around them, teasing them slightly with the fact that neither of them were talking. She was far too tired to feel the awkwardness wavering around them, but if she had been fully awake – she would have noticed it and probably even smiled a small smile at it. She didn't like when things were awkward, but there was something about the fact that it was awkward because of their hands touching that would have amused Katya. The silence ended, though, when she decided to break it, and then Conan replied. Their conversation was easy going, something that neither of them was used to, but Katya was enjoying it and she had a strong feeling that Conan was, too. Katya had been staring at Anya for a bit now, as she contemplated a reply to Conan. Before she could say anything, however, she watched as Roman leaped on Anya and started to wrestle with her, taking her away from the couch and closer to the fire. Katya watched intently, waiting for the two cats to move away from the fire, toward the stairs that lead to the girls' dormitories, and then she turned to Conan when he spoke again. A bright smile crossed her face and she shook her head slightly, "No, I didn't realise that at all. He only nearly made me topple over from running through my legs." She laughed quietly and looked around the common room for a moment, spotted a pillow at the foot of the couch, and then an idea sprang into her mind.

So, without much thought except for the fact that she was tired and wanted to rest her head, because it was starting to hurt like heads tend to do when someone's quite tired, she reached down and picked up the pillow – situated it in Conan's lap and then laid down so her head was resting on the pillow. It was quite unlike her, or was it? Perhaps Katya was very outgoing, but she was only outgoing with those she felt comfortable around. Either way, she did what she did and she wasn't going to undo it unless Conan made her. After all, it was his lap that she was laying in. She turned on her side so she was facing him, her eyes closed as her breathing slowed. She was still awake, but she was in that place between being fully awake and being completely asleep. Katya stifled a yawn and then rested her hands beneath her cheek as she spoke, "Besides, Anastasiya's quite a snob. If you hadn't noticed from the way she was glaring at you. It's so odd considering she's a cat and shouldn't be able to glare." A smile spread across her face as she opened her eyes and looked up at him. She didn't say much more, she just continued to look up at him. She finally moved her hand and ran her fingers through her hair before continuing to talk. She was finding it difficult to let the silence stay between them.

"And you'll never get me to eat lunch with you, hate to break it to you. When I say I don’t eat in front of people, I mean I don’t eat in front of anyone. No one has seen me eat, ever. I don’t even eat with my family when I'm home. I stay in my room and eat. In fact…" she looked thoughtful a moment, "the only time I come out of my room is for the basic necessities and to go outside to take pictures. Other than that, I'm in my room, all the time." She nodded slightly before closing her eyes again and relaxing once more, trying to stay awake even though she knew that she would eventually end up falling asleep. "So…Conan… what have you been doing with your life since we last spoke?"

[Conan McIlroy S5]

Conan just sat silently and watched as Katya tucked her hair behind her ear. He didn’t know why he watched her so attentively. It was like at any moment she could do something amazing and he would miss it. What exactly she might do though he wasn’t sure. She could just randomly make a face that she described how she was loathing his company. Or she could roll her eyes at something he said. It was funny how all the actions Conan thought she might make were negative ones. He didn’t think he would look away and she would smile or something, or grin, or make some sort of overly excited facial expression. No, ideas like that were far from his mind. He was very worried that she would do something negative. Something to demonstrate how she just wished he would go away. He wanted to make sure he saw it if it happened, because he had always felt bad if he stuck around when someone didn’t want him around. But Katya surely hadn’t just come out and said that she didn’t want him around, so therefore he would patiently wait and see if she would make a face. Because sometimes people weren’t exactly sure if they wanted their company to leave, but at the same time they didn’t want them to stay, and their facial expressions would show that. And if that happened, Conan would save Katya from the pain of making that decision. Anyways, past my rambling.

Conan waited as Katya once again broke the silence and Conan responded, telling her he’d just have to get her to go out to lunch with him. He was going to continue his argument but he was distracted by the fact that Anya was staring at him. But that was broken too when Roman tackled her and then ran off with her, an d Conan couldn’t help himself from commenting on how rambunctious Roman was. He shrugged and smiled over at Katya, who was smiling, watching the cats wrestle. “Yeah, sorry about that...he likes to topple things over, it’s like his mission in life...” Conan looked confused as Katya reached for a pillow and then laid it on his lap. He chuckled and watched her settle to rest her head on the pillow in his lap. “Well this is new...” He laughed and then set one arm on the arm of the couch, and then after a bit of hesitation, rested his other over her, on her side, hoping she wouldn’t mind. He didn’t exactly have anywhere else to put it. “...I’ve never had anyone lay down on my lap.” He chuckled again and then shrugged and another silence fell between them. He was attributing the silence to the fact that she was so tired, and so he didn’t get upset or anything. And eventually Katya picked up conversation about them eating lunch.

Conan laughed and shook his head as she told him that he would never get her to eat lunch with him. “Ye of little faith. I think I could find a way to get you to eat with me. Maybe, if you put up a menu in front of your face you could eat with me?” He laughed again and them smiled as Katya changed the subject to what he’d been doing. “Well, nothing really. Sitting by myself. Alienating myself. Drawing, writing, listening to music. Really nothing at all if you think about it.” He chuckled pathetically at himself and then looked down at her. “You take pictures, Katya?”

[Katya Love S5]

Katya merely smiled and nuzzled her face into the pillow when Conan spoke about Roman's mission in life being to topple things over. She was rather tired, but not too tired. She still heard everything Conan said, so she wasn't in between that place where she was asleep and then awake. And she was capable of comprehending everything as well, but it took a few moments to process exactly what he was saying. She paid attention, though, which was why she opened her eyes and looked up at him when he said that no one had ever laid in his lap before, "There's a first time for everything, eh?" Her voice was barely above a whisper but it was loud enough to be heard, and a smile brightened her face, "And I'm quite glad to hear you don't let random girls lie in your lap, Conan McIlroy. I might feel used." She laughed quietly and buried her face in the pillow, knowing her giddiness was shining through brilliantly. She couldn’t help it. She became a lot of things when she was tired. Giddy was probably the biggest and open was the next. She had no inhibitions when she was tired. It wasn't something she was proud of, and so she generally stayed away from people when she was tired – but at this moment she was enjoying Conan's company and she didn't want to head to bed just yet. Besides, that meant nightmares and unwanted dreams.

She stifled a yawn and closed her eyes again, just noticing his arm over her but not really caring. It wasn't like it was awkward on her part anyway, and if it were awkward on his part he could always move his arm. She tucked her hair behind her ear and listened to Conan talk about her having little faith. She smiled softly at him mentioning putting a menu up between them, but really she was thinking about how it would be if she really did eat lunch with Conan. She would probably have to be tired to get any form of conversation out, but it would be an amusing time she was certain. She opened her eyes and looked up at him tiredly when he answered her question, thinking about how much time he spent to himself. No wonder they hadn't crossed paths in two years. They were both so isolated by themselves that there wasn't ever a chance given to them to cross paths. She thought about this a moment before she realised he had asked her a question in return. "Hmm? Oh, yes, I take pictures. Not very good ones, but they are pictures nonetheless." Katya closed her eyes again. She had started to take photos because in a way, it still connected her to her mother but it was far enough away from modelling that it felt comfortable to Katya.

The silence was back again, but this time Katya felt it become uneasy in her stomach. She opened her eyes slowly and looked up at Conan for a moment before whispering, "Do you regret third year?"

[Conan McIlroy S5]

For the first few moments, having Katya basically lying in Conan’s lap was a bit uncomfortable for him. Not because it was her, but because someone was lying in his lap. Conan had changed a lot since his third year, and the amount of physical contact he was ok with was certainly something that had drastically changed. Before, when he was younger, Conan was always up for hugs and things of the sort. He had no problems with being in physical contact with other people. But after his incident in the rain, and after the day that followed – the day in which he decided the relationship he was in was a bad one indeed – the amount of physical contact that Conan allowed diminished drastically. No longer did he reach out to people for contact. He never asked for high fives, he never patted someone on the shoulder. He never touched anyone at all unless it was on accident. Conan would prefer saying a person’s name over and over and over again to touching them in any manner; even just tapping them on the back. Conan also shrank away from most any time someone touched him. He didn’t like people to touch him in any manner, including when they tapped him on the shoulder, and he made sure to let people know he wasn’t a hugger. Conan had gotten by this way; asking people to please not touch him or please not hug him. He just wasn’t much for physical contact that’s all. But Katya, being so tired, and Conan, being so tired, were in a situation that seemed almost outside of reality. Conan was being different as he sat in that couch with Katya’s head on his lap. But different isn’t always worse.

“I assure you, no girls ever lie in my lap. Actually no one ever lies in my lap. Well except for Roman, but he’s an exception.” Conan chuckled and looked down at Katya with a smile. “Why on earth would I ever use you, Katya?” It was meant to be a rhetorical question, so he wasn’t expecting an answer. But that was really the only thought that came to mind when she said that. He knew however that she was nearly falling asleep on him and she was surely saying things that she didn’t fully think through. In the light of day she probably wouldn’t have said anything like what she was saying now. Actually, in the light of day neither of them would be in the situation they were at that moment. Neither of them were very social people and Conan had a suspicion that Katya didn’t just go lay her head in every guy’s lap. “But you know that goes for you too you know? I do hope you’re not laying your head in every guy you see’s lap. I would feel used.” Conan smirked and then chuckled again before shaking his head. It was silly of him to say something like that, because it really wasn’t important at all. He wasn’t making any sort of point. He just really didn’t want the silence to creep back among them. Conan went on about Katya joining him for lunch, but that subject of conversation was becoming worn out, so Conan picked up another, asking about Katya’s photography. “Who says they’re not very good ones?” Conan liked photography quite a lot. It was something that he couldn’t do. Something he wished he could do, but couldn’t.

Against Conan’s wishes, the silence found its way back into the conversation. Once again Conan blamed their mutual exhaustion, and so he closed his eyes and leaned his head back on the couch as they sat in silence. He rested like that for a bit before he heard Katya’s voice. Well, technically heard her whisper. A frown slowly appeared at the corners of Conan’s mouth, and he wasn’t quite sure why. Regretted? Did Conan regret his third year? He sat quietly for a bit before whispering back. “You should never regret anything, because at one point it was exactly what you wanted.” Conan didn’t know where the saying had come from, he had heard it somewhere before, but he didn’t like it at all. His frown grew and he opened his eyes, looking down to find Katya looking back up at him. The saying was true enough, but now it seemed so wrong. To think that Conan wanted what had happened in his third year. Yes, he might have wanted some of it, but not the whole thing. Not the way things ended. “No...I don’t regret my third year...but if I could go back I think I’d do a few things different. Make a few better choices...but then that opens up the question of whether or not we really choose what happens to us...or if it happens because it’s meant to happen. That in the great scheme of things there’s a plan for our lives and that we are simply a puzzle piece in the plan. And that to be honest we can’t see the whole puzzle until the very end, when it’s all put together...we only see pieces at a time...” Conan stopped talking and refocused on Katya. “I’m sorry, I’m rambling...do...you regret third year?”

[Katya Love S5]

Katya grinned up at Conan with a flicker of amusement in her eyes, "Oh, but Conan, you're such a ladies' man! Surely you have girls tripping over themselves to lie in your lap…" Her voice held a mocking sound to it and she had risen her eyebrows in such a way that she looked like an American girl who was gossiping to her American friend. She laughed softly and hid her face in the pillow, feeling the giddiness wash over her again. She wasn't quite sure why she was being so giddy because she was aware of it and even though she was utterly exhausted, she knew that she should stop making such a fool out of herself. She wouldn't do this in the daytime so why was she doing it at night? Perhaps it was because she knew she had seen Conan at probably his absolute worse and that lead Katya to feel a bit more comfortable with him than she would with anyone else, who knew? Katya sure didn't. She looked up at him now when he asked why he would use her and she managed a small shrug, "Don't know. Everyone else does, why shouldn't you?" She buried her face in the pillow again and let out a deep yawn, feeling the tears well in her eyes like yawns tended to do and she listened to the silence for a moment. Conan spoke again and she let out a chuckle before looking up at him once more, "Yeah, right. 'Cos I just open my lap to every guy I see," and here she smirked before reaching up and patting him on the head, "Don't worry, Conan McIlroy, I'm not using you…not for anything more than a very comfy pillow…through another pillow." She grinned and let her hand drop, resting on the pillow beside her head as she stared up at him silently.

She had no problem staring at Conan. Then again, she never had any problems with staring at anyone. Normally, though, whenever she stared at someone it was blankly without much thought behind it. But as she stared up at Conan at this particular moment, she was staring at him with thought behind her eyes. She was actually looking at him, not through him or past him, and that was something that was rather new to Katya and she wondered if she was making him uncomfortable. Katya blinked when he asked about her photography and managed another small, weak shrug; "I don’t know. I've never had anyone tell me they're good, so why would they be? They're just the most random of things. Leaves, the sun, ice on trees, stupid things like that." She rolled her eyes, but it looked quite odd because she was quite tired and so her eye rolling was a little lazy, "Just trust me…they aren't any good and you will never see them, ever." She said this with a sternness that was good enough to be used during the daylight hours before she closed her eyes. It was around this time that she asked Conan if he regretted his third year, and so she waited for his response patiently, catching herself falling into a light sleep before he finally responded. She listened to him, her eyes still closed, and focused on everything he was saying with every ounce of energy so she could comprehend what he meant. She smiled weakly when he said he was rambling and then sat in silence after he had asked her the same question.

Did she regret her third year? "No. I don't regret anything in my third year because that means I did the actions. I hate my third year, and I hate how it turned out. I hate the events that took place, but I don't regret it because I did not do anything in it to regret." She sat and thought about that a moment and then nodded before opening her eyes to look at him, "It takes something you didn't like the outcome of to regret, and I don't have anything like that. I don't like what happened, and I don't like how it happened, but it happened and I hadn't anything to do with it. Sure, I probably would have done a few things differently; been a bit smarter, but when it gets down to it…it is the way it is."

[Conan McIlroy S5]

Conan had to keep himself from laughing so hard he cried. “Me? A ladies’ man? I assure you Katya, I’m nothing of the sort. Anymore at least...” He shook his head with a smirk. “I learned my lesson already.” He looked down at her and only found himself laughing more at the look on her face. He smiled brightly as she hid her face in the pillow, knowing that sleep was gripping the edges of her well...sanity to be honest, and that in only a short while she’d be falling asleep on him. Quite possibly literally. But that was ok, it wasn’t like Conan really had anywhere to be any time soon. He’d probably fall asleep on the couch himself. His bed wasn’t exactly very comfortable, or maybe it was just the fact that he couldn’t fall asleep in the presence of the noises of his sleeping dorm mates. Most of the time, Conan needed to have silence to be able to sleep. And if not silence he needed the small sounds of rain on his window, or the crackling of the fireplace. Even another person’s steady breathing could lull him to sleep. But the random combination of the other boys all breathing at different paces, and the occasional snore that was mixed in with it, did not do well for Conan’s sleep. Often he would toss and turn or roll around and wake up every hour or so. Over the years he had learned how to function with minimal amounts of sleep, but that didn’t mean he didn’t like to get good sleep.

Conan closed his eyes again as Katya opened her mouth to speak and then he smirked and shook his head. “I shouldn’t because I’m a special snowflake, Katya. I’m not like all the other snowflakes. So why would I use you? Exactly. I wouldn’t.” He nodded to emphasize his words and then laughed at the second half of Katya’s speech. “Well I’m glad you don’t just open up your lap, Katya. I’ve had my fill of girls like that; I wouldn’t like you to be one. They’re not any good at all for anything except...well...you know what I’m saying. And honestly they’re not even good at that.” Conan shrugged, moving past the subject. He didn’t like to dwell on his past experienced with girls, or at least, one girl. It didn’t do him any good. Yes, he was past her, and yes he didn’t care about her any more. But it didn’t mean that the thought of that relationship didn’t make him sick to his stomach. Conan had yet to find something that could make him completely forget about the incident, or at least get to the point inside of him where he didn’t dwell on the mistake. He had tried, oh boy had he tried. He’d shoved himself into all these art forms that he was, yes, talented at. But none of them had succeeded in moving him past his mistakes. None of them had let him create something new. Conan looked down at Katya and smiled softly, meeting her gaze.

He shook his head as she talked about her photography. “If you never let anyone see them, then you have no idea if they’re any good. I’d very much like to see them sometime.” He ignored the sternness in her voice, not really caring if she was serious about him not seeing them. There was no harm in saying he wanted to see them. Conan relaxed his head back, and once Katya had asked him her question, he waiting for a bit in thought before answering. But a question like that could not be left un...re...questioned. Because Conan wanted to hear how Katya would respond to a question like it. Conan closed his eyes and listened to Katya’s response to her own question and he found himself frowning slightly at the idea of you having to do something to regret it. Conan did things in his third year; did that mean he should regret them? He wasn’t sure. The idea of having regrets was not one he liked, regrets would only weigh him down more so then he already was. Conan looked down at Katya and just looked at her for a while. Not in a frustrated, or upset manner, but just in a thoughtful way. “I’m glad you don’t regret anything. I don’t believe you did anything to regret.” He nodded and then some bit of him encouraged his hand to move to push Katya’s hair behind her ear and out of her eyes. He rested his arm back down again and yawned, smiling, before laying his head back.

[Katya Love S5]

She smiled softly and yawned noticeably as she buried her face in her pillow again, trying to hide the fact that she was so extremely tired. Katya didn't overly like letting people know she was tired, because then it showed that she was like everyone else. She wasn't invincible. The fact that she was completely blabbing her mouth off and was being completely idiotic, however, showed exactly how tired she was. Especially since Conan probably knew her than most people. Which tells you just how well people knew her, because Conan knew very little about her and didn't know her all that well, actually. "Conan, girls like that are just... they're just... well, they aren't... I don't know, but they aren't like other girls who have respect for themselves. Not every girl is like Abigail Roche, and you can be a lady's man...just one... there isn't anything wrong with that." She yawned again, not really caring how personal she was making their conversation. It wasn't like it was already pretty personal, "I guess what I'm trying to say is don't let one really horrendous relationship ruin it for your chance to be happy with some other, better, girl."She thought about that a moment, going over everything she had just said in her head, because she knew she was so tired that her words might not have come out the way she had wanted them to. After thinking about them, though, she concluded that she had said everything the way she had wanted to say it and she let herself slip into another silence. This silence was tempting and her eyelids closed as she let herself slip into a half-sleep. The kind of sleep that you could hear everything that was going on, but became energised a bit after it. Resting, I suppose you would call it.

She chuckled sleepily, "No, Conan, there is no such thing as a special snowflake. We aren't individuals. We can't be. We're too focused on society and its rules to be 'special snowflakes.'" She opened her eyes slowly and looked up at him with a small smile, "But I will say you aren't exactly the same as everyone else, so perhaps you've got something going for you that nobody else does." She stared at him a moment and then let her eyes fall shut again as she relaxed into the pillow, tapping her finger on the pillow slowly as her heart pounded in her ears. The idea of showing Conan her photographs wasn't one that she was too fond of. She wouldn't do it right now, anyway. She might, possibly, do it sometime down the road if her and Conan ever spoke again, but that was a big might. They had a tendency of speaking once and then avoiding each other for two years before ever speaking again. She didn't know how it would be now that they had grown up quite a bit since third year, but she had a feeling that it mightn't happen again unless they both made a conscious effort to talk to each other. And since this whole night would have been awkward if it were during the daylight hours, Katya wasn't so sure how much of an effort she would make to talk to Conan when the sun was up tomorrow or the next day or the day after that. She yawned a lengthy yawn and buried her face in the pillow again as Conan spoke about girls who were only good for one thing but weren't any good at that one thing. She snorted and looked up at him, "Girls like that are a dime a dozen, Conan. Nothing you can get that cheap and in that abundance is ever good." She smiled and lifted a hand to rub her eyes as she relaxed even more into the pillow. The sleep was catching up to her, pulling her down into its warm embrace and she was trying her hardest to fight it off but she knew that it wasn't working as well as she would have liked it to.

She spoke about her photographs next, and she had opened her eyes to look at him as she spoke. He held her gaze, not breaking it and not letting his eyes show if he was feeling awkward under her gaze. It was something she liked, because most people looked away...they never stared back, ever. It was too awkward for them. Apparently not for Conan. Katya shrugged, "Perhaps, sometime, you will. You'll have to hunt me down for it, though. I'm not going to hand them over voluntarily and if you think I am...you're sadly mistaken, my friend." She grinned at him and then closed her eyes again, not burying her face in the pillow at all this time, because she had a feeling she would have to look at him again soon anyway. She didn't open her eyes to look at him, though, as she answered his question about regret because she found it far too difficult. Even when she finished what she was saying her words had started to slur off. She knew what was happening but she just didn't have the willpower to stop it. Conan spoke and she heard every word he said, and she felt him push her hair behind her ear and out of her eyes, but she couldn’t respond at all because she was nearly asleep. The moment he rested his arm over her again, though, Katya had fallen asleep quietly and she slept quietly, because Katya makes no noise when she sleeps...none at all.

[Conan McIlroy S5]

Every time Katya yawned, Conan repeated it. The saying that yawns were contagious was quite a true one. Conan tried very hard to keep himself from yawning, but he couldn’t help it. Her yawns provoked yawns out of him. They couldn’t be stopped. Conan also found himself smiling every time Katya hid her face against the pillow. His breathing slowed as he listened to Katya responded to his mention of the girls, or well girl, he’d had experience with. He sighed slightly and shrugged. “Well when there’s a lady that wants me to be her man then we’ll see how that works out. But I’m not interested in girls who want me to be their...their boy? Fling? Whatever they want like that. I’m not interested in girls, not girls like that anyhow.” He looked down at her and she went on about not letting a past relationship affect his future ones. “Well, as of now there aren’t any relationships in my life that a hideous past event is affecting.” He looked down at her for a while and slowly his thoughtful look turned into a smile. “Thank you though...but I know that not all girls are like Abigail. I mean, look at you? You’re nothing like her, thank god.” He nodded and then laid back again. Like he had been doing during the entire conversation.

Conan smiled again, just a normal smile this time, when Katya mentioned how people were too focused on society to be special snowflakes. He just shrugged however, because he wasn’t in the right train of mind to fight her on that. Normally, the subject of humanity and society were some of his favorites, but he really didn’t want to go spouting off about the subject and then realize the next morning that he had no idea what he was saying. He wanted to be completely conscious of the points he was making and not just throw something together half way through the battle against sleep. No one ever really knew what they were saying. Yes, they might have believed what they were saying regardless, but the fact of the matter was that sleep had a way of doing things to speech. It could do at least two things to speech; it could cause you to say things you didn’t mean, or it could cause you to say things that you meant completely. Either one wasn’t always the best. Both things could cause problems, but Conan always hoped that in sleep he would say things he meant and not things he didn’t mean. But time had showed him that he wasn’t that lucky. In sleep Conan said things he didn’t mean. He lost track of how he really felt and that became a huge problem. Therefore, he wasn’t going to say something on the subject of society, because he didn’t want to say the wrong thing.

Conan moved past that and commented on how glad he was that Katya wasn’t like every other girl he’d known before, and somehow she found a way to say something else that hit him, just like the first bit she’d said. “You’re right...girls like that really aren’t worth it are they?” Conan sighed slightly and then yawned again when Katya relaxed down on her pillow. Conan let Katya go on about her photography, but as he slowly slipped closer to sleep, just like she was doing, his mind slowly slipped to another subject. He yawned again as he pushed her hair behind her ear and then as he closed his eyes and sank back against the couch more, feeling the sleep that was grabbing Katya pull at him at the same pace. “You know what I need Katya?” Conan yawned again, bigger this time, and snuggled back against he couch. “I need a girl that’s not like that. I need...well I need a lady. Someone who...who has goals and...” he yawned again. “...self respect like you said...and...and someone who really cares about...about me. That’s what I need Katya...that’s what I need...” Conan drifted off into sleep shortly after Katya did. It was easy to do. The fire was cracking. And she didn’t snore. All she did was breath...and Conan liked that sound very much.

[Katya Love S5]

Sleep was an overpowering thing. It had no sympathies for awkward situations. Once it wanted you, it got you, and it didn't care how it got you or what you did while it had you. That's why people sleep walk, because sleep doesn't care. This isn't evident to most people, but then again most people don't think of sleep as an animate object. This was made quite evident to Katya, though, when she awoke in the morning and found herself on the couch, cuddled up again Conan who had somehow in his process of sleeping, laid down beside her and wrapped an arm around her. Her eyes adjusted to the darkness, because they were in the Slytherin common room, which resided beneath the lake - therefore there were no windows, and when they did adjust she was looking up at Conan's sleeping face. She didn't know how it happened, but somehow during the few hours they had spent asleep, Conan had moved to lie down beside her with his head resting against the arm rest of the couch. His left arm was wrapped around her and she had buried her face against his chest. The pillow had been knocked off onto the floor. Katya bit her bottom lip gently and tried to keep her breathing steady as she realised how much of an awkward situation she was in at the moment. She watched Conan intently to make sure he didn't wake up as well, and then she tried to think of how to get out of this situation before he did wake up and before anyone else came down and saw them together. She wasn't sure how she would respond if someone suggested that she and Conan were together. A flutter in her chest told her there was a part of her that might like that, but she shoved it away...she was quite good at shoving things away, especially emotions.

After about 10 minutes, Katya breathed in deeply and out slowly before moving very softly out of his embrace and onto the floor of the common room. She chewed on her bottom lip and looked up at Conan who was still asleep, and then without thinking she reached up and smoothed his hair gently. Then, before leaving, she pulled a blanket over him, picked up Anya who was curled up against Roman, and headed back toward the girls' dormitories. As she entered her dorm room, she looked around at her sleeping dorm mates, set Anya down and then headed back to her four-poster. She knew that she wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep, but she didn't have much else to do. So she stared up at the ceiling and pulled the blankets up to her chin, listening to the obnoxious noises her dorm-mates made while they slept. The thought occurred to her that the three or four hours of sleep she had gotten while in Conan's arms were probably the best hours of sleep she had had since her mother died or since her stalker incident. It was an intriguing thought, one that made Katya puzzle over its reason, but she didn't question it too much because she knew that the chances of it happening again were quite slim. She couldn't even look at Conan again, not the same way, because she knew that they had woken up that way and he didn't know. He didn't know that they had subconsciously...cuddled in their sleep. And he didn't know that she enjoyed it more than she had enjoyed anything in her years at Hogwarts and she doubted he would ever know because she would never tell him.

Katya sighed audibly as Anya jumped onto her bed and curled up between her arm and her torso, purring gently. She didn't get back to sleep that night, but she did continue to think about Conan and the feeling she got from being in his arms. The feeling she hadn't ever gotten before. The feeling she wanted so bad to have again. The feeling she never would have again. The feeling she couldn't allow herself to have again. The feeling that...she was safe and secure and nothing could get to her, nothing could harm her, nothing could try. When Katya finally closed her eyes, not to sleep, but to rest, she closed them against tears - because she felt so alone, so vulnerable, and so...empty.

[Conan McIlroy S5]

When Conan’s eyes opened, it was because he had the distinct feeling of being suddenly colder than he had been only moments before. It’s the feeling you get if you lie with your hand on your face for a while, and then suddenly move your hand. You know how your face suddenly feels colder because now it’s exposed to the air around it? Well Conan awoke from that feeling. It was odd though, because when he woke he had a blanket pulled over him and he could swear he hadn’t been alone only minutes prior. But it was obvious that he was quite alone now. Or maybe not. As Conan scanned the common room he found that Roman was waking up, looking as if he were in quite the same mood the Conan was. Roman’s eyes opened and he looked around the room quizzically, as if he were looking for the source of the odd feeling, before he stood and stretched, placing his paws far ahead of him on the floor to stretch out his back. The kitten yawned, and Conan found himself doing the same. Absentmindedly, Conan ran his fingers through his hair, surprised to find that it wasn’t a total mess like it was normally. That meant he must not have been rolling around or thrashing in his sleep like he normally was. But why exactly he hadn’t been he didn’t know.

Conan looked around the room until his eyes fell on a clock, letting him know it was still the early hours of the morning and then no one would be up for quite a while. Conan took a deep breath as he laid back on the couch, this time rolling onto his back and laying his head on the arm rest. He stared up at the ceiling, his arms resting on his chest over the blanket that had ended up on his at some point in the night. As he lay there, he found himself wondering whether or not all he remembered of the night before had really happened. Had Katya really sat and talked to him for a majority of the night? Had she really laid her head in his lap? And had she honestly fallen asleep with him in the common room? Yes, she had. Those were all facts. Conan for a fleeting moment thought he remembered waking up once to find her lying on the couch next to him. But the more obvious answer to where Katya had gone was that he had been thrashing a bit and she had pulled a blanket over him and gone off to sleep more peacefully by herself. Conan sighed.

His chest rose and fell slowly as he lay, his eyes wide open just staring up unblinkingly. It wasn’t long before Roman found his way up onto Conan’s chest, but Conan wasn’t in the mood to sleep anymore, so he nudged the kitten off of him and sat up, pushing off the blanket. Conan rubbed his eyes and stretched his arms over his head before looking at the clock again. He’d lain there on the couch for a good twenty minutes since he’d woken. Why was he still there? Was he hoping that maybe Katya had just gone off for a few moments and that any second she’d return? Well obviously that was not going to happen. If she wasn’t back by now she wasn’t going to come back. Conan ran his fingers through his hair again, and stood from the couch, straightening his clothes as he made his way to the table where he’d left his things. He gathered them up and then made his way to the armchair in the corner of the room where he normally enjoyed to sit in the mornings, and then settled down with a book from his stack of things. He opened it to the last page he had been on and began to read, trying to push the thoughts of sleeping, and of Katya from his mind. But he couldn’t help admiring how easily sleep had come. And how nice the thought of possibly sleeping with her again would be. That would never happen however, he decided as he turned the page of his book. His eyes ran over the words but his mind didn’t comprehend them. He was far too busy trying to figure out how he’d convince Katya to go to lunch with him.