You're My Only Fear (Aurora)

[Ian McCain H6]

Ian McCain walked through the hallway that led to the Hufflepuff Common Room, wondering who he would know that would be hanging out there. He had just finished History of Magic, a typically boring class for those (like him) who weren’t too impressed with history. He had nearly dozed off a few times, and Professor Binns had almost caught him a few times. Those ghosts seemed to have eyes in the back of their heads. Oh wait, they didn’t have heads. They were ghosts. No matter, Binns had missed him snoozing a few times, so he didn’t need to worry about getting wacked with a book or something. He still had Ancient Runes that day, but he was debating whether to go to it. He hoped to find Aurora in the common room, instead. Ever since the ball, and those few songs on the dance floor, he had been trying to find her or get her attention. Not too much of course, because he didn’t want to scare her off. But he wanted to ask her out.

It was a big decision, asking someone out at Hogwarts. Not only were you likely to not be able to do it alone (because of students constantly being littered everywhere), but quite quickly the gossip spread like wildfire. By the end of the day, if he asked Aurora out today, he would either be known as her boyfriend, or the guy who got rejected. Ian was definitely not a fan of rejection, but he also knew that if that did happen, he wouldn’t be completely devastated. After all, they had only really been hanging out once or twice, particularly at the ball. That night had been wonderful, though. No matter how much she didn’t think she was a good dancer, she was. Aurora did hate being told that though, and right before she had left, he had heard it from her one more time. Holding her hand as they had danced had brought such a smile to his face, and he longed for it again.

Ian walked into the Common Room, looking around for someone he knew, or even Aurora. He didn’t seem much of anyone, which was a good thing and also a bad thing. It was good because if Aurora was here, he could talk to her and possibly ask her out in at least a bit of privacy, yet also bad because she likely wouldn’t be there with so few people around. Aurora was one to always be with her friends; after all, she had told him that this place had become home to her, as it had happened with him. He walked a bit further into the room, seeing a few people at couches, and then he saw one couch to the side. There she was. She looked beautiful, as always. She was with Harmony, talking about something. They both had books out, so maybe they were doing homework together.

Ian walked over to the couch, and wasn’t sure how to start a conversation. They were in the middle of something, so he tried to gather information from each of them as to what they were talking about, but it was nearly a whisper as they spoke, so he couldn’t catch it. “Hey Aurora. Hey Harmony,” he finally blurted out, when he heard a slight lull in the conversation they were having. He hoped that he wasn’t bothering them, but he really wanted to talk to Aurora and see how she was doing, and maybe even what she was feeling. “What are you guys up to?” he asked, innocently.

[Aurora Chan]

Aurora nodded patiently with a small smile and explained the second part to Harmony. There were only a handful of subjects Aurora was any help to her cousin, and those were Charms, Transfiguration, Defence Against the Dark Arts, and Arithmancy – basically, all her current NEWT subjects, with the exception of Muggle Studies, which Harmony knew a load about already anyway. She rarely had to help Harmony with Charms anyway, because the younger girl was so good at it. But the other subjects, especially Defence, Aurora was often needed for – which was exactly what she was explaining at the current moment. Of course, Harmony could easily go to Ariane and ask her, since Ari was a plain genius in all her classes, but their sibling relationship had been tenuous recently, and Harmony saw Aurora often in the Common Room anyway. Aurora didn’t mind, she was happy to help Harmony out. She didn’t think she was a very good teacher, neither was she the most patient person you’d ever met, and she had a feeling Ari actually made a better teacher than she did despite how antisocial she was, but that didn’t mean she didn’t try. Aurora was always motivated by what she wanted to do for others rather than for herself.

Aurora was just about to describe the physicality of the offensive spell, when a voice behind them interrupted her. Looking up, Aurora smiled when she saw Ian glancing over her shoulder. “Oh, hey Ian.” She greeted in return, happy to see her fellow Hufflepuff. Since the Winter Ball, he had been speaking to her often, and they had established a friendship of sorts that had somehow not really occurred before. Aurora had been good friends with him pre-Winter Ball, yes, but something had evidently clicked for them after it. She was glad, because Ian was a nice boy. There was something awfully familiar about him that she liked, and she wanted to get to know him more. Aurora gestured to Harmony’s homework when Ian asked what they were up to. “Work. What else?” She mock sighed and then chuckled. “It’s Defence. Not Harmony’s subject, is it?” She nudged her cousin and grinned at her playfully. Harmony laughed, and then began to gather her stuff. “Hey, where are you going?” Aurora asked, blinking as the parchment was shuffled neatly together in typical Harmony/Ariane style. Harmony explained that she could finish off the work now alone, and thanked Aurora for all her help, adding that she guessed she should leave her and Ian alone so quietly that only Aurora could hear.

“What does that mean, eh, Harmony?” Aurora shouted in an amused voice across the Common Room as her cousin hightailed it back to her dorm. Shaking her head as she watched Harmony disappear in a rush, she turned back to Ian with an apologetic smile. “Gosh, I’m so sorry about that. She’s such a weird kid sometimes. But a good kid.” She leaned back in her chair and patted the empty one next to her, which Harmony had previously occupied. “Sit down, Ian.” She smiled brightly, tilting her head to one side. “How are you then?” She asked once he was beside her. “It seems like I’ve been seeing a lot of you recently.” A part of Aurora was wondering a little where her and Ian’s relationship was ‘friends’ was heading, especially with Harmony’s implied tone of voice before. She didn’t think she was ready for another guy after Daniel, and yet she wanted to be with someone badly; she needed that reassurance, that support and stability. But she knew it was unrealistic to think there would be a guy out there like that for her. Someone committed enough at this age, sensible and yet could have a good laugh. Who wasn’t selfish and conceited, who was kind and fun and overall not perfect, but loving and affectionate. Aurora knew what she was looking for was so remote, so impossible, she had kind of given up on it. But Ian... she liked him, she guessed.

He was a nice guy. Decent. He was friendly and they could chat. Aurora did get a familiar feeling from him, as though she had met him somewhere before, but had pushed the thought out of her mind. The most important thing was that Aurora had chemistry with Ian; she could feel it, but she didn’t know if Ian felt the same on his side. She wasn’t an instigator and so she wasn’t about to ask him directly or make flirtatious passes... Aurora just wasn’t like that. And a part of her was scared anyway, so even if he did ask her out, she would likely say yes, but not as girlfriend and boyfriend. Not yet. She wouldn’t reject Ian, but she wouldn’t want to consider him her boyfriend just yet. She needed time to get to know him more; that she was happy to do, even if her heart wanted company right here, right now. “Anyway, do you need me for something?” Aurora added as she looked across at Ian, smiling.

[Ian McCain H6]

As soon as Aurora spoke up, Ian’s entire demeanor seemed to change. It was just Aurora and Harmony. It wasn’t like anything had changed between any of them, they were simple friends. Yes he liked her, and he couldn’t tell if she liked him back, but it didn’t matter. All anxiety seemed to dissipate when she began to speak to him, and he smiled. She explained what they were working on, and sure enough, as he had thought, it was Defense Against the Dark Arts. A thought entered his mind as they carried on with some small talk. He wasn’t sure what it was, but something was quite familiar about her, something he couldn’t get his finger on. Maybe it was just because they had been pretty good friends for a while, and they had enjoyed each other’s company at the Ball. But it seemed to be more than that. He shook off the feeling, trying to concentrate on the here and now. “Ah, yeah. Defense can get a bit rough, even for me. Don’t worry Harmony, you’ll get it sooner than later. I had a hard time, but then something clicked and things have been fine ever since. Just gotta get in a groove.” Ian hoped his advice would help Harmony, and he also secretly hoped she would leave soon so that he could talk to Aurora privately. He was surprised pleasantly when she began to gather up her things. She made some kind of comment to Aurora, likely about him, but he couldn’t make it out.

Then Aurora said, “What does that mean, eh Harmony?”, while she laughed at her. Ian wondered what Harmony had said, but really didn’t let it bother him. Like he has thought, it was likely something about the two of them, and not for him to know. Aurora turned around to Ian and apologized for Harmony’s silliness, and he just laughed. “It’s really no problem Aurora. I don’t mind.” Aurora invited him to sit, and he gladly obliged. Sitting down next to Aurora, he felt peaceful, at a place where he could be himself and enjoy time with her. “I’m doing alright, Aurora. It’s going to be a busy rest of the year, but I’m holding up. Classes bog me down a bit, but I’ve managed to get everything done within a decently orderly fashion.” Ian smiled at Aurora, knowing she was probably have a pretty insane year as well. “How about you? I would agree, we’ve seen quite a bit of each other, yet haven’t had much time to talk. How have your classes been?”

Aurora then asked if he wanted to talk to her about something. At first, his instinct would be to hide the fact that he wanted to ask her out, and just say he wanted to talk for a while. But that wouldn’t happen. He had come to this couch in want of one thing. He just hoped that Aurora would feel the same way. His anxiety perked as he thought of the words he wanted to use. Suddenly he was blanked out in his mind, unsure of what to say. Was that how this kind of thing always happened? Of course it was. Ian decided to finally just spit it out and see what she would say. “Yes Aurora, there’s a reason I came to see you today. I hoped you would be here in the Common Room so that we could talk.” He shifted his position so that he could look directly into her beautiful eyes. “Aurora, we had so much fun at the ball the other night, and we’ve been good friends for a while. There’s no one else I’d rather spend my time with than you, and there’s no one else I would have asked to dance that night.” He looked down, wondering if he should reach out and take her hand. He decided against it, and would see what she said first. “I would be honored if you would agree to going out with me. I know it’s a big decision, and I respect whatever way you decide, but I had to ask.” Ian felt like his heart had stopped, as he waited for her answer. “So what do you say?” Ian searched her eyes, looking for some kind of reassurance.

[Aurora Chan]

“Classes have been fine. The usual.” Aurora smiled wryly, rolling her eyes. “Charms and Transfig. are, if you don’t mind me saying, so easy. I get bored sometimes. But of course, they’re the only subjects I’m really good at. I’ve had to work for my other classes. Muggle Studies has a lot of essays for me to get to, and so does Arithmancy, which is quite difficult at times. Defence is the same old, same old.” She shrugged nonchalantly. “Overall I’m faring okay. You? I don’t have all my lessons with you, after all.” She smiled, trying not to frown as she thought of sharing a lot of her classes with Ari, who had been acting so odd recently. However, this was not a piece of information that was necessary to be divulged with Ian, so Aurora did not speak of it. She talked to him about her interests and other such topics, but she had not elaborated yet on the subject of her cousins and family. Ari was difficult enough to begin with; Aurora wondered what she would make of Ian, had she been paying attention. But no, the Gryffindor was always so locked up in her own world nowadays, Aurora was half-ignored at times. She was a little hurt, but it had given her the chance to socialise with Ian a bit more, even if he didn’t realise it. Aurora didn’t want Ari getting bored or irritated from spending too much time with her and vice versa. It was bound to happen.

“Yes?” Aurora smiled encouragingly at Ian’s words, waiting to hear what he seemed to be dying to say. “Well, here I am.” She chuckled, making a small movement with her head. “Talk away.” She ordered jokingly, a little confused when he began to move his position so he was looking right at her. She tilted her head to the side a little, confused. Her lips quirked into a small smile at Ian’s words, feeling touched by his words, and perhaps a bit embarrassed. Her heart drummed faster in her chest at his intense look, and she tried to keep her own face as indifferent as possible. When Ian finally got round to his main point, Aurora almost felt her heart fall over. Or stop. Or whatever it was meant to be described as, because she wasn’t really sure how she would describe it. Her eyes widened though as they stared at Ian, caught utterly off-guard by his unexpected question. It took her several seconds to recover, and she began to chuckle softly, sitting back and looking, to say the least, surprised. “Um… wow.” She managed to come out with after the long pause, blinking. “Wow!” She repeated again, trying not to laugh out of hysteria. “Ian. Ian.” Aurora said her friend’s name, as though trying to familiarise herself with it. “Just… give me a moment, Ian, to absorb this… Wow.” She gave a short laugh. “I think I’m in shock. Good shock, don’t worry.” Aurora reassured Ian after glancing at his nervous face.

Aurora’s eyes looked away and to the other people around the room. They were all so absorbed in their lives, oblivious to her and Ian’s interactions. She turned back to Ian again and gave him a soft smile. “Ian… I do like you. I admit I do. In that kind of way, you know? You’re a really nice guy, and…” Aurora laughed again. “I like you! I do. But…” She ran a nervous hand through her loose hair, feeling the silky strands and remembering a certain person. “It’s been… not so long since this… this thing I had with a childhood friend. He meant a lot to me, and I just don’t think I’m emotionally capable of another… relationship right now. And, to be honest with you,” Aurora’s smile was tender. “although I know you well, I’m the type that really needs to get to know people first, if you know what I mean. I need time. Can you give me time, Ian? Can you wait for me? I can’t… fall out of love with somebody, and this someone… I think I’m close to forgetting him completely. I want to do that until I dedicate myself to someone else. I need a proper relationship; commitment and dedication. I’m quite intense and demanding in a relationship. You’re going to ask yourself if you want all of these things. Do you really want me? Because if you do, then… god, I’m happy, I’m really grateful that anyone likes me, but I can’t do this yet. I need time.”

[Ian McCain H6]

“Classes are going alright, Aurora. Thank you for asking. I’d have to admit, I would agree that Charms has been relatively easy, while Muggle Studies, even though we’re both Muggle-born, tends to be overbearing with essays. I’m actually enjoying Defense more this year, for some odd reason. Maybe it’s because I’ve always been a firm believer in standing up for myself. It’s good to catch up with you though, see how classes are going.” He hoped he wasn’t rambling too much, but after all, she had asked. “Is there anything new with you?” Ian just didn’t want to scare her away or anything. While they talked, Aurora seemed to have something bothering her, but she wouldn’t say what it was, so he didn’t press. If she wanted to tell him, she would. He knew her at least that well. And this was it. Right here, in the Common Room, their friendship would likely change forever. Ian couldn’t be sure if he was ready for it, but he knew how he felt about Aurora, and he couldn’t hold it in much longer. He wanted to be with her, no matter what it took. It had taken him so much time since the ball to get up this courage to tell her how he was feeling, and he wasn’t backing down now.

As Ian explained his feelings, and his desire to take their friendship to another level, he watched as her face changed to possible shock. He finished speaking, and she was nearly speechless. The pause after he finished felt like an eternity. What could she be thinking in that moment? She could be thinking how much of a jerk he was being for even thinking of asking in the Common Room, with people around. She also could be thinking about how far away from him she wanted to get. He just couldn’t be sure until she said something. And right now, she wasn’t. All she managed was a few wow’s, a few Ian’s, and “give me a moment.” What did it all mean? Ian hoped Aurora would explain herself a bit more than just those simple expletives. She assured him that it was a good shock, but he couldn’t be sure until he heard her answer. What if she was only saying it so that she didn’t hurt his feelings? He didn’t know if he could take it. Ian knew he couldn’t take his words back. He had put his heart out, and it was either going to be taken in care, or trampled on. He wanted to close his eyes and wait for her answer, but Ian couldn’t pull his gaze from Aurora’s beautiful face, and dazzling eyes.

The silence was finally broken by Aurora’s soft smile, looking at him. She explained how she really did like him as well. A smile grew on his face, and a silent sigh of relief escaped his lips. Then the one word that could destroy everything came out of her mouth: “But…” There were so many times he had hated the word, but right now, he hated it more than ever, and didn’t want to hear it. He wanted to hear that Aurora wanted to be with him as well. At the same time, he wanted to hear what she was going to say. Pushing his thoughts away, Ian listened intently. Aurora explained about a childhood friend and how things had been intense for them, and how she wanted to really get to know Ian first before they moved on. She asked questions. Questions he knew the answers to already. When she said that word “But”, she ran her hand through her hair, something he found so attractive. Yes, it was a simple thing that girls always did, but he loved it when Aurora did it. He shook the bunny trail out from his mind, and listened to her questions. She needed time. Time was something he could give her. Time was something he wanted to give her. If it was going to take time, then he would wait.

“Aurora,” Ian said, softly, looking into her eyes. He looked down at her hands, nervously shaking a bit. He took one in his hand, hoping he wasn’t being too forward. “Of course. I’ll give you time. I can wait for you. If it’s going to take time for you to be comfortable with me, then I’ve got all the time in the world. I want you to forget him completely, so that you can focus on us. Take the time you need. “ She said that he would have to ask himself questions, and gave an example. He chuckled at her, as he let go of her hand. “Yes, Aurora. I really do want you. That’s why I’m willing to wait. I’d wait forever if I knew one day you would be mine. I’ll wait for you.” Ian smiled at her, happy that he had made the decision to tell her how he felt today. It didn’t matter to him now how long it would take. He knew once what it was like to have to fall out of love with someone and it hadn’t been easy. “So…” he began. “Where do we go from here? I don’t want to push you into anything. I just felt I needed to tell you, and today seemed as good a day as any.”