What are we? ((Ashley))

[Bryce Alexander]

((This takes place on the train ride back to Hogwarts after winter holiday.))

This was it. This would be Bryce's very last ride back to Hogwarts on the Express. Never again would he board this train with the purpose of coming to Hogwarts. There would be one last train ride home, but that was it. Bryce found this to be an odd feeling, but he didn't let it bother him. Part of him had been ready to graduate Hogwarts since his second year. He often would have grand dreams of growing up and having a family of his own. He still didn't know what he wanted to do with his life after Hogwarts, which was a bit unsettling, but Bryce knew he had big dreams. If only he could put his finger on those dreams, he'd be set to go. On the other hand, there was that bit of him that was sad to think he'd be saying goodbye to Hogwarts in just a few months. It was scary, somewhat. But, Bryce knew he would be ready to handle it when the time came. If all went well, he'd have Ashley by his side.

Thinking of Ash made Bryce both excited, nervous, and a bit sad all at once. First, the thought of Ash made him remember how he had practically given up his friendship with Weetzie to be with Ashley. Weetzie hadn't spoken to Bryce since he kissed her, and surely when she saw that he had been spending more and more time with Ashley, she likely decided it was best for both of them if she just moved on. It made Bryce sad though, almost like the one shadow that seemed to hinder everything that he knew could be good in his life. He really just wanted Weetzie to be happy, and he knew that her having to see him with Ashely all the time wouldn't make her happy. At the same time, Bryce knew that he had to think of his own happiness, and he was learning more and more that his happiness was through Ashley. Of course, they had yet to really resolve where things were between them. Bryce was hopeful though, and he knew that it he had at least some reason to be hopeful since he and Ash had seemed to have a good time at the Christmas party that Raelee Gray had invited them to.

Once he found his way onto the train and loaded his belongings where they needed to be, Bryce grabbed his wand and hurried to throw his robes over top of his other clothing. Being a prefect required him to be ready to patrol the corridors, and he always hated rushing to get dressed at the last minute, so he always threw his school robes on early. Plus, that way he had his badge right where everyone could see it. Being that he was rather tall, many of the younger students were a bit intimidated by him, though if they only knew he was not in the least bit stern, perhaps they'd be a little more relaxed around him. Bryce didn't mind though. He sort of liked the respect that he got from being prefect. It was a nice perk.

Turning the corner, Bryce stopped in his tracks as he heard a very familiar voice that seemed to be ordering someone to pick something up. Slowly, Bryce sneaked up to the group to see none other than Ashley herself. She appeared to be reprimanding a younger student for doing something Bryce wasn't really sure of. However, the younger student was in no way willing to listen to her. "Who's going to make me clean up the mess?" the younger boy snapped at Ash. Bryce didn't need to think of what to do for this one. Instantly, he pushed his way in, towering over the mass of younger students. "I'm going to make you clean up the mess," Bryce stated rather firmly. Even if he wasn't stern, when people acted like this boy was, Bryce didn't have a hard time at all with being forceful. "I suggest that you listen when a prefect tells you to do something. Get back to your compartment before I report you to Snape." Glaring at the boy as he left, Bryce then turned to Ash. "Didn't mean to step on your toes, but... you've just gotta be strict."He flashed her a smile and then walked with her down the corridor as they both continued patrolling.

"How was the rest of your holiday?" he asked. When they had left the party, Bryce had wondered if Ashley might bring up the topic of their relationship. They had yet to really talk about it, aside from everything that Bryce had shared during the Winter Ball. It was only a matter of time though before it would be brought up. After all, Ashley had been very cuddly with Bryce at the Christmas party. It was somewhat confusing for him because he had thought she was still mad at him. He surely hoped that she just wouldn't forget about everything and pretend that it was all good. Bryce needed clarity. He needed to know if they were together. As the questions seemed to pulse through his mind, Bryce stopped and turned to Ash, unable to keep it all in anymore. "Where are we, Ash?" The words were out of his mouth in an instant, hanging in the silence that soon surrounded them. "I mean, what's going on between us? I thought you were mad at me for the Weetzie thing. I thought that you needed some time, some space. I mean, I know I needed time to just think. But, what do we do about that... the kiss." When he spoke his last two words, Bryce tried to whisper them. He was almost still in a phase of guilt for what he had done. It was a guilt that was covered in regret as well. That kiss had well seemed to end his friendship with Weetzie and now cause this gap between he and Ashley, a gap that he couldn't go on pretending didn't exist.

"She was my friend, Ash, and I know that we have already covered this part, but we need to quit pretending like everything is OK. Something has to be said. Something has to be figured out. Can you forgive me? Do you need more time? I just... I just need to know what you need, ya know?" Bryce was speaking in more of a confused and hopeful voice than anything. He knew, deep down, that he loved Ashley and that she loved him too. He just didn't know what was happening between them. It was like they were holding hands together, blind, and wondering whether they might make it OK or get separated in the darkness and not be able to find each other again. "What are we, Ash? Where do we stand in all of this... in all of this chaos?"

[Ashley Hill]

Ashley was already dressed in her robes walking down the long isles of the train, watching as the students around her chatted amongst themselves. Running her fingers through her straighten blonde hair, Ashley smiled to a couple of girls that greeted her, walking in the other direction. Maybe this would be a smooth patrolling round. Ashley didn’t feel like dealing with any misbehavior lately. Not with everything that had been going on lately with Bryce and Weetzie. Pushing those thoughts to the back of her mind, Ashley stopped in her spot as she noticed an older throw a younger students jelly beans on the floor. The box burst open causing the candy to scatter around the floor. Sighing, Ashley reached the students staring sternly into the eyes of the one causing the trouble. “Do we have a problem?” she asked her eyebrows rising, as she glanced over at the younger boy. Sighing at the gloomy expression glazing over his eyes, Ashley knelled on her knees picking up the box. There were still some candies left inside. “Here you go. Now go along.” Handing the cardboard over to the boy, she watched as he sulked away. Standing up straight, Ashley turned her attention on the other student who was beginning to walk away from her. “Excuse me. You have to clean up this mess.” Pointing to the large mess that had gathered on the carpet, Ashley nodded her head toward it, but the student wouldn’t listen to her. Instead he just sneered at Ashley. “And who’s going to make me?” Before she could even respond back she heard the firm voice of Bryce coming to her aid. Looking over and up at him, she watched his face before glancing back over at the Slytherin who just scurried away. “It would be easier to get respect if I were five inches taller and larger.”

Smiling gratefully at Bryce, Ashley followed him down the corridor as they both walked in silence. Ashley didn’t know what to say. She just hoped he wouldn’t bring up the kiss. She wasn’t quite ready to deal with that. Actually, Ashley was trying to put that behind her. Ashley hoped that Bryce was doing the same, but maybe she was sending mix messages to him. She had been in quite a cuddly mood at Rae’s Christmas party. As he asked about her break, Ashley glanced into the compartments that they passed. “It was alright. Same as usual.” She answered quietly knowing how Bryce’s break went. He was probably bored out of his mind since his father was never home. Ashley felt sorry his family life, but that feeling went away as he started asking questions again about where they stood. Stopping in her tracks, Ashley stared into Bryce’s confused face as he went demanding on where their relationship was going. As he brought up the kiss, Ashley glanced down at the floor, feeling the same pain return to her heart when he first told her about it. Feeling the tears fighting their way forward, Ashley kept them back as she gathered the courage to stare back into Bryce’s blue eyes. As he finished she stood there quiet, not knowing even where to begin. She was just even more confused than lately. Even when Bryce had told her his mistake, she was sure she could forgive him, but not its just….perplexing. Noticing that there were a few students staring in their direction, Ashley glanced into the compartment that they were standing in front of noting that it was empty. Sliding the door open, Ashley took hold of Bryce’s wrist, tugging him gently inside while closing the glass slowly shut.

Turning around to face Bryce, Ashley leaned against the glass behind her. “I don’t know what’s going on between us, Bryce. I’m just as confused as you are, and more hurt,” she began, trying to collect her thoughts as she stared into his bright blue eyes. “Pretending like things never happened is how I deal with things….” Ashley exclaimed staring down at her feet. Well it looked like they couldn’t just move past this without an explanation. It needed to be solved. “Every part of me wants to be with you, but it hurt so much to hear that you had kissed Weetzie. She was your best friend….and you just don’t kiss your best friend without feeling something more for them.” Closing her eyes to stop the tears, Ashley leaned her head back. “I wanted to be the only person you ever thought of being that…intimate with…but now I’m not sure you want that….” Opening her eyes she gazed into Bryce’s eyes, tears slowly falling down her cheeks. “I just want you to say that you love me - and mean it.”


((Ha Ha. Another post to add to your ever growing mountain. ))

[Bryce Alexander]

"That'd just be plain scary if you were five inches taller and larger," Bryce said with a smile. He laughed at Ash as they walked through the corridors, and he half expected her to punch him for that last comment. He half hated to turn the light spirited mood into something serious when he had stopped Ashly so that they could discuss their situation, but he knew he had to. If he didn't talk about it now, it would only get worse. It was the elephant in the room that nobody wanted to admit was there, but it was too big to be able to ignore, which was why Bryce just got everything out into the open.

Standing there, he looked into Ashley's eyes and wondered how had had gotten himself where he was. A year ago, Bryce was carefree and just flirting with every girl he knew. It was a fun life, and easy life, and one that required no commitments. It wasn't that he was afraid of commitments now, but it had only been two girls that were able to change his life forever. He just was starting to fear that he had made so many mistakes already, and this was only the beginning. He wasn't even in a serious relationship yet, and he had managed to somehow screw everything up.

"But that's the thing Ash. We can't pretend that everything's fine. If you really do want me to be able to say that I love you and really mean it, we can't pretend that I didn't make mistakes. I'm standing here, ready to ask for forgiveness. But that requires you to accept that it happened. Weetzie was a part of my life, and I was afraid of losing her. Not that it matters now whether or not I've lost her since she is gone, but I can't go back and change how I felt. I was scared, and I acted on my fear. I'm sorry for that, but I can't change it." His voice was desperate; desperate for her to understand and desperate for her to forgive him. He knew that the only way that he could truly love her was if she forgave him. But, he wasn't sure if she could really do that or not. It wasn't that he blamed her, but he was desperate for her to just understand where he was coming from.

"The kiss didn't mean anything either. I mean, it had a reason behind it, but it was not the kind of kiss that you give to someone because you love them. It was a kiss that was meant to do exactly what it did, though it just didn't end the way I had imagined. I wanted to scare her, I wanted her to rethink what she was doing. I didn't want it to scare you. As soon as I did it, I thought of you, and how I wished I could have taken it back, done something different, but I couldn't. It was done." Bryce starred into Ashley's eyes, searching for what might be that glint of hope in which he could just tell that she was understanding. He wanted that bit of light to shine through so that he knew that despite it being difficult that she would realize he was telling the truth and that he really just wanted to be with her.

"Let me prove it to you Ashley." He put his hand on her face, holding her soft cheek in his palm. "Please, just give me another chance. Give us another chance before judging what I want and who I am. Let me show you that I can love you and only you. Please, just one more chance. I know I can't promise anything, but I will tell you this. Whatever happens, if I don't get another chance, and if you let this one mistake ruin what we could possibly have together, you'll regret it for the rest of your life." As a few students passed by on their way to their compartments, Bryce inched closer to Ashley. "Don't make any decisions just yet. Think it over, and then tell me what you want. I just want you to be happy, Ash, whatever that might be.

[Ashley Hill]

Ashley stared down at the carpeted floor as Bryce began explaining himself. Well, at least they were getting more in depth with this matter. At the Great Hall he wouldn’t give the slightest detail as to why he kissed his best friend. Maybe that’s what left Ashley so confused. She didn’t even know what was running through his head at the time. “I know we can’t pretend anymore,” Ashley whispered finally looking up from the ground, and into Bryce’s face. “But Weetzie was never going to leave you. She would always be there…but you just messed up…big time.” Nodding, Ashley dragged her fingers through her blonde hair as she thought the situation over. She didn’t quite like the sixth year, but that mainly because Weetzie had a strong disliking toward her because deep down, Weetzie also liked Bryce. Even though she probably didn’t know, Ashley could tell. That’s why she was always so careful around Bryce when they talked about his best friend. Ashley was afraid that if Bryce found out, or even realized his best friend’s feelings, that he might like Weetzie in that way too, and Ashley wasn’t ready for another broken heart. She hadn’t cared about anymore more in her life than she did for Bryce. “I know you can’t change what had happened Bryce, but I wished you would have just thought things through before just acting on impulse.” Nodding, Ashley bit her lip as she continued to stare into Bryce’s blue eyes. She shouldn’t be the one talking. Ashley had kissed Bryce that day on the grounds. That was different though, but yet she still acted upon her feelings. Bryce had done the same with Weetzie. He felt her slipping away and the only way he could keep he was just kissing her. Yet, it still confused Ashley why he had kissed her. Why could he just talk…or maybe even a hug! If it was that case, Ashley wouldn’t care. Ashley was still convinced that there were some different feelings behind that kiss between Weetzie and Bryce.

Bryce’s next words strike a cord in Ashley. How couldn’t he see what was right in front of him? “Can you be anymore blind, Bryce?!” Ashley exclaimed, disbelief sparkling in her brown eyes. “Honestly, Bryce, open your eyes!” By this point Ashley’s chest was heaving rapidly by her own anger. “Couldn’t you tell that Weetzie liked you? Even though she probably doesn’t know, but it’s obvious. Why else would she hate my guts, and try to distant herself away from you because you were my….friend?” Crossing her arms across her chest, Ashley adverted her gaze toward the wall. There were only a few trunks stored in the overhead compartment, which meant that this had to be a prefect compartment. There was a deadly silence between the two, but it was enough to help Ashley gather her thoughts. “Do you know what scares me the most?” Ashley asked breaking through the short moment of silence. “That if you realized that Weetzie liked you…that you would feel the same for her….” Stopping, Ashley felt tears return to the surface, but fought hard to keep them back. “I wasn’t lying to you when I said that I…” Ashley couldn’t bring herself to say it again. She wanted to, but it just seemed…strange. They weren’t going out before all this chaos happened, so how could she say that she loved him? Weren’t you supposed to be in a committed relationship before saying those words? Ashley felt like she was the one ruining what they could be. “I just need you to reassure me that you don’t feel that way toward Weetzie….that why the kiss hurt me so much…I was afraid that I might lose the only thing that I ever really cared about-” Ashley abruptly stopped letting out a long breath of air as she glanced back into Bryce’s face. “…you.”

Feeling Bryce’s hand upon her cheek sent a shiver up Ashley’s spine. It was still amazing how the simplest of touch made her tremble. As Bryce spoke, Ashley bit her bottom lip hard feeling even more tears collect up in her eyes. She just felt like bursting out into sobs right there, but that wasn’t what they needed right now. Ashley had to do that on her own time. Noticing Bryce inch his way closer to her, Ashley felt her breath get caught in her throat at his last words of her wanting to be happy. He did care. Letting a couple tears escape her eyes, Ashley nodded slowly savoring the warmth of his hand upon her cheek. “I just want all of this to end…” she whispered since Bryce was close enough to hear her. “I want to go back to the way we were before this….drama.” Ashley didn’t exactly know the right word to call the situation that she had been in. She wanted to call it a mistake, but Ashley wanted to show Bryce that she understood now. “You know? I thought of how my life would be if I hadn’t met you,” Ashley began a slight smile curling on her lips. “It would have been mistake-free, but I wouldn’t have known someone who would understand me as you do, and just make me trust again….well somewhat.” Smiling slightly, Ashley leaned in closer to Bryce kissing his cheek softly. “You’ll give me more time…..right?”

[Bryce Alexander]

Bryce knew he shouldn't have expected that everything could just be made fine with his words. But, deep down, it was what he hoped for. He wished that Ashley could just forgive him and that they could move past everything that had happened between them. As much as he missed having Weetzie by his side, Bryce was at a point where he was willing to give everything up just to have Ashley by his side. He needed her, and he knew he loved her, even if everything else was unclear. As she spoke though, he sensed her pain. He could tell she was frustrated, and rightfully so. He let her speak though; let her get out everything that she had been holding inside. It would be good for her to be able to share her frustrations and pain with Bryce. He stood, silent, letting her pour everything out for them to try to swim through as they both tried to find each other in the mess that had come from Bryce's actions. Never before had he felt so bad about what he had done to cause all of this pain.

Among the pain in her words though, Bryce could tell that Ashley loved him too. He could tell that she was going to do her best to put things in the past and accept that things couldn't be changed back then but that the future could still be molded into something beautiful. She spoke about what her life would have been like if she hadn't met Bryce, and he wondered what his would have been like without her. Would he and Weetize have been friends forever? Perhaps. But, Bryce knew that no matter how perfect his life would have seemed without the recent pain and frustration, Ashley was right. There would have been something missing. Standing there, he still wasn't even quite sure what he and Ashley might have together, but he knew it could be good. It could be great.

She kissed his cheek and whispered into his ear. Time. Time was a funny thing. But that was what Ash was asking for. How much time, he wondered. He was hesitant to say yes, but Bryce knew that time was probably a good thing. Time could heal wounds. At the same time though, time could widen the gap between people. "If time is what you need, then yeah, you can have more time." He gave her a soft smile. A tinge of unease blended in with the hope that was swirling in his stomach. He hoped that agreeing to give her more time was not an action he would later regret. He wasn't sure how he would handle knowing that his choice to give her more time would be the last thing he did before they were done for good. What if the time turned into forever? Bryce couldn't think about that though.

He wondered to himself if time meant distance as well. Did she need time away from him to sort through her feelings? Or, would nothing change as they spent time together while she figured out everything around her. Bryce wasn't sure and he was too afraid to ask. "We should probably go then," he said, the silence eating at him and forcing him to move on with the conversation and let it be whatever it needed to be. He wasn't going to press the issue any more. Ashley would be given her time, and Bryce would just sit and wait to see what that meant. It was a scary feeling, but he had to trust her. He had to trust that everything would find its way around in the end. That was all he could do at this point. He wasn't going to risk ruining everything again with another one of his hasty actions. "See you around, Ash," he said with another smile. He took her hand in his, held it for a second and then walked away as he let her slip from his grasp. Every step he took felt like a piece of goodbye, but Bryce refused to let it be a goodbye. He had faith that fate would bring them back together in the end.