Musical Melancholy.

[sashalin]

Twenty-one…twenty-two…twenty-three… she had been going on like that for a while, counting the stars outside her window. It was late, and her dorm room was silent except for the soft breathing of the other girls who were fast asleep. Verrin couldn’t sleep; she’d tossed and turned for more than half an hour before she got the idea of counting the stars. Her hands were nestled beneath her head and her blanket pulled up around her shoulders as she lay in bed, not sleeping. Her restless nights weren’t as bad as before, where she would hardly get two hours a night. Since she had come back to Hogwarts she was actually managing about four or five hours if she was lucky, she supposed it was the comfort of being in a place she saw as safe. Home hadn’t been that wonderful, not with her mum ill. Her mother had been at home before her finally few weeks, and Verrin had been right there with her all the time. After her mother died, she just couldn’t seem to sleep anymore, her younger sister would climb into bed with her and fall right to sleep, getting her comfort from Verrin’s presence, but there was such comfort for Verrin.

She sat up in bed, the sheet falling away on its own as she looked at each of the four-poster beds in the room with their drawn curtains. She slid from beneath the sheets and pushed her feet into her slippers. Her white nightgown was only slightly wrinkled from her routing around in bed and she grabbed a robe to through over it but didn’t bother to tie it. She slipped out the room in silence, not wanting to wake the others. She walked down the stairs as silent as Xuxa would have when going out on one of her escapades. She swore that cat had a special stealth mode that was superior to other cats.

She stepped into the empty common room, the flames in the fireplace the only thing moving. She walked over to the couch and took a seat and noticed the elves had left out cookies on the table for them. Butterscotch, chocolate chip, peanut butter, gingersnaps, oatmeal raisin and double fudge chocolate chip cookies sat on a large tray on. She leaned forward and grabbed a double fudge chocolate and popped a small morsel into her mouth. Her dance instructor would have told her she was going to make herself fat snacking on those things, but at the moment she really didn’t care. She ate that and followed it with another. She sat staring at the fire as it crackled and flickered in the hearth. It was beautiful. Her blonde hair framed her face and reflected an orange from the fire, her hair was only slightly messy and she tucked it behind her ears out of her face.

She leaned her head back against the cushion, the silence was killing her but there was nothing she could do about it. She looked around the room, an old phonograph was in the corner, something they had used once or twice for parties, and she thought a little music would be nice. She walked over to the phonograph and pulled out a recording of Fizzywiggin’s Night Symphonies. The recording had managed to put more than half the house to sleep on more than one occasion; perhaps it would work for her. She put it on, the soft sound of instruments low and soothing as she walked back to her seat. She curled up in the corner of the couch, another cookie in hand and rested her head on the armrest. She knew she had to get herself in order, they had given her a second chance with her sixth year but they weren’t going to give her a third if she messed it up again. She grabbed another cookie absently after putting the last piece of the previous one in her mouth and was filled with the feeling of loss. A tear ran down her cheek as she began to think of her situation. She didn’t cry when she should, when there was someone around to console her, instead she cried alone as if it were a terrible secret that needed to be hidden. As more tears began to flow she buried her face in the cushion, the cookie dropping from her hand.

[Nasser Salah G6]

The first week was always hard for Nasser; the transition from home to Hogwarts was something that he had never managed to get over easily. At sixteen he had imagined it would be easier for him especially since he'd been doing it for the last six years, but in ways it was harder. The magical world was not becoming a place where you felt safe, far from it actually, especially with the disappearance of Harry Potter that still had to be explained and that had left the whole magical world in a state of turmoil and expectation – and yet still nothing had happened. It was the standing still state that everything was in that drove Nasser crazy – first you wondered if the Ministry was just hiding information but then you came to the conclusion that it wasn't that – it was just no-one knew what the hell was going on. And it was not a time to be away from your family – and though Nasser knew everyone at school was away from his or her family too, he felt that his family was the only one that did not know of the imminent danger and he could not explain to them for he knew there was nothing they could do about it.

On a smaller scale and more personal level Nasser felt there was much he had to say and few people he could expect to understand or even want to listen. He was already doing all he could not to alienate himself from his family, but even here he was haunted bt hat feelting. He was missing Dana terribly and finding himself constantly comparing people to her when neither they nor she deserved that. Even Dare had left, and with his friends gone and him having to start all over again with making new friends Nasser was feeling rather fed up. He knew he was making it harder for himself than it should be, but he needed time. And tonight, as he lay in bed tossing and turning, Nasser just wanted to stop thinking. He just wanted a few moments of peace, where he felt he was worth something to someone, or maybe he just made someone smile or they made him smile, but just before midnight was not the time he was most likely to find someone. Having given up on trying to sleep he slipped on a night gown and made his way quietly to the common room.

The calm of night and the lack of enthusiastic chatter did not make the sight of the common room any less welcoming, it was a warm room and Nasser had never failed to see that, even if its atmosphere was so different than the morning. And yet, there was sound of a sad tune from inside the room, and Nasser first thought he was must be imagining the notes in his head they were so faint – but then he recognised the music. It was the end of Fizzywiggin's Second Night Symphony – some of the saddest music Nasser had ever listened to. He had listened to it once in his life, and yet now he knew it as he heard the final notes of the violin fade away, a quiet farewell and surrender after what he remembered had always seemed to him to be a lament at a fate that could not be changed. Oh yes, that was a tune that had stayed with for a while after he had heard it.

As his eyes travelled around the common room he realised he was not alone – someone was on the couch in the farthest corner of the room. Nasser thought the girl was sleeping. It was a rather strange position to be sleeping in really, but maybe she had been struggling with sleep like he had and it had finally crept up on her when she least expected it and she had dozed off. But then his eyes fell upon the chocolate chip cookies, which were one of Nasser's worst weaknesses, and the fallen one right beside the girl's head. He wondered if she had been feeling as sad as he had lately, and if she had been trying to comfort herself with food. Nasser saw that the fire in the fire place had burned out, and with a flick and wish of his wand it was back in full blaze. He carefully slipped his fingers onto the couch to remove the cookie lest the girl should turn over in her sleep and squash it.

[sashalin]

Verrin clutched the pillow in her hands, her fingers digging into the soft material. She wanted to scream, she wanted to wake the entire Gryffindor House with her cries, but not a sound left her mouth as she cried just the small soft gasps as she tried to catch her breath. It happened like this, she would be able to hide her anguish so well for days until it washed over her like a wave and swept her away beyond her control. She never knew sadness like this before, she never knew what it felt like to feel as if a part of you was missing, like someone had come and cut a whole in your stomach leaving you empty. Her shoulders heaved gently as she continued to stifle her tears in the welcoming pillow. It wouldn’t tell what she did or said in the night when her grief had gotten the best of her. it wouldn’t even show any signs of her being there in the morning when everyone woke and filled the common room with laughter again. No one would know.

She missed her mother so much, she could hardly stand it, and then to add the fact that things couldn’t possibly be worse between her and her father as well, it was taking every last ounce of strength she had within her to keep the smile on her face and not given in to her emotions constantly. She was tired of smiling as if everything was fine, it wasn’t. The music continued to play, it sad song echoing what she felt inside. It was over, there was nothing to be done, her mother was gone forever and she was still there…alone. She could still see last Christmas in her head, when for a few weeks her mother seemed almost normal, maybe a little pale, but happy. They had all been together, laughing and eating and opening gifts and of course making her mother’s special turkey and stuffing that always came with cranberry sauce and a double chocolate, triple layer chocolate cheesecake make by Verrin. It was tradition, but this year there wasn’t going to be any big family meal, there wasn’t a family anymore.

The thought of how her father had just moved in Fiona into their house sent her into fresh tears. How could he be so cold? How could he do that to their mother’s memory? Hadn’t he loved her at all? Didn’t he love them? He really thought they were going to accept a complete stranger walking the halls their mother did and trying to cook the things her mother had? She wasn’t their mother, and in her last words to her father before she left home, he wasn’t her father either. She had been angry and distraught, and her words had been harsh but she hadn’t taken them back as much as it hurt her to say and for him to hear. She wasn’t going to let him think what he was doing was right, because it wasn’t. It was wrong…wrong…wrong! Her nails dug further into the pillow.

She wasn’t even aware of the presence of another person in the room as her mind tortured her and her heart ached. Suddenly she felt someone right over her and her head popped up in surprise, her tear stained cheeks wet and her eyes red as her eyes met Nasser’s. “Excuse me?” she said hurriedly as she attempted to get up from her seat and dry her face at the same time. No one was supposed to see her like this. Her hands moved feverishly over her face to hide the tears she’d been shedding. She stood backing Nasser, trying to think of what to say and wishing he hadn’t seen her.

[Nasser Salah G6]

She startled him by her sudden movement and Nasser moved back a little quickly and landed on his backside. Yet they locked gazes for a moment and Nasser saw her eyes were red and puffy and her face seemed moist – she hadn't been sleeping at all. But if she had just been crying before he came in she must have been doing so very quietly, he hadn’t heard a sound except those last few eerily depressing notes as he entered the room. The next symphony started playing that moment, and it was hardly more cheerful than the last. "No, excuse me, I thought you were asleep," said Nasser, standing up and retying the loose knot of his belt. His worries of a few moments ago were forgotten as he wondered what it was that had Verrin feeling so sad – Nasser was a sensitive soul, and the sight of a sincerely sad person affected him. Nasser walked over to the phonograph and tapped it with his wand and the music stopped. "Talk about melancholy music," said Nasser, his eyes not on the girl as he could sense she that wasn't comfortable with his presence. Suddenly he realised with a pang who it was as he tried to think of a better choice of music for their current situation.

Nasser didn’t know Verrin – she didn’t play Quidditch, hadn’t been in his year until this year, and her crowd wasn't his. She'd always seemed friendly and outgoing from what he could tell, and he'd never seen her distraught. Was she feeling bad because she was repeating the year? Nasser didn’t know why she was doing that but he imagined it must be hard to repeat on especially when you were so close to graduating. He held up the offensive cookie and turned to Verrin his eyes still not on her. "I removed this; I thought you might turn over and squash it. And you know really is quite a blameless cookie. If I had been here then perhaps it might have been up to something, because I imagine it would have been jealous of the gingersnaps, I much prefer them to the peanut butter ones," he said. I should leave being funny to people who can at least come up with a decent joke. Nasser wondered if he should just go, but then decided against it. Verrin could always say she wanted to go to bed. If she wanted to talk then he would, it sure beat his sitting here doing nothing, irritated that sleep just would not come.