Even If It Kills You... ((Flo))

[Sita Mehadi H7]

"You!" Sita exclaimed to the older girl who was moping around, doing absolutely nothing constructive as far as she could see and even less anything fun, "are not talking enough! Which is wrong. Everyone needs to talk, whether they're excited and bubbly, or moody and -" Sita peered into the girl's face somewhat intrusively, " - sad? Because talking or writing it down -" Sita pointed to her own lurid pink diary covered with opalescent sequins, " - is the best way to come to terms with the world, your life, homework... in fact it's maybe even the only way. So talk." She sat down on the armrest of the armchair the girl was sitting on. "I mean... it's not as though I give good advice or anything. My friend Ingrid Lewis is loads better at giving advice... but I won't give you any advice. Well, except that you should talk. Because talking is the best way to come to terms with the world! Wait... I already said that didn't I? But seriously, you can advise yourself if only you put it into real, feasible words that you can hear as well as feel. You'll know what it is you want and need if you do that. Just try it. It won't do anyone any harm."

Sita had been about to go outside and play tennis with the wall and was dressed appropriately 'all in white' but with the white being tracksuit trousers and a warm jacket because of the wintry temperature outside. She must have been a bit of a strange vision to suddenly pop up in front of your eyes when you were in the middle of contemplating something. But then she hadn't planned this, she'd just seen the girl. It had been obvious she needed to talk, whether she knew it or not. Sita wasn't even sure what she was called. She was two years younger than her after all! Still, she was determined to get her to do what was so clearly needed. Sita frowned crossly at the girl as she perceived almost no reaction from her. There was no need for her to go putting self-control into ignoring Sita! That was just wasted effort.

"I can be more stubborn than anyone, by the way." she told the girl, feeling it to be a bit of a challenge. "Everyone I know says so. Well Ingrid and Aaron get really stubborn when they're talking to each other but... if I really want something, I will persist. To the bitter end! And you're going to talk, whether you know it or not." Sita reached into the pocket of her tracksuit trousers to take out not a tennis ball, but a small round lump of black marble. It was not just a lump though - it was actually a bouncy ball. It had been a Christmas present from a friend, so Sita would have treasured it even had it not been pure genius. The marble had been charmed so that it would bounce off anything - even surfaces that weren't hard enough for conventional bouncy balls. It had such a polished surface that the reflection of the nearest candle was almost painful to look at, and Sita loved the cool smoothness of it enclosed in her hand. But it was still primarily for bouncing. Sita threw it at the girl, and smiled as it bounced right back to her. She continued to bounce it off the girl relentlessly as she waited for some sort of response. Then, tiring of that, she threw it straight to the girl's hands, wondering whether she would bother to catch it or not.

[Flo Murvac H4]

Flo had nightmares about it for weeks. It never went away. She would wake up crying, after seeing him being hit by the car, over and over. Flo hadn't said one word. Not a murmur, not a whisper, not even a squeak. Not since it had happened. Everyone had tried to get her to talk. Her brother, Tim thought that maybe she would start speaking if he played more pranks on her. But Flo only ignored him, and kept on walking. She hadn't spoken to any of her friends about it, and classes had been very quiet without her blabbing on to everyone. Some people were even too afraid to talk to her about it, thinking that she could snap. but Flo couldn't snap. Even if she was in misery, she couldn't snap at her friends. It wasn't like Flo, and it wasn't their fault. They were trying to help.

But this particular day, a small little Hufflepuff chose that it was her job to annoy Flo, and get her talking, even if it took her a whole week. At first, Flo ignored her, just like everyone else who tried to get her to talk. She kept on staring at the same smallest spot on the rug, her face still filled with sadness and tears. The girl was talking again, repeating exactly what she had just said, and talking about people who Flo didn't know. Telling Flo that she should talk, or write it down. Flo had been writing stuff down. Anything that didn't include a shake or a nod of th head, Flo had to write down on little pieces of card the Flo kept with her. The girl had stopped. Finally, Flo thought. Now if only the little girl could go and continue her happy little life, and let Flo get on with the misery of hers.

Flo felt something hit her arm. She frowned and glanced at the spot where the girl had thrown something. Now the girl was re-sorting to violence? Again she felt the tap on the arm. Over and over, the little ball hit Flo's arm. It started to annoy Flo. A lot. So Flo got up and walked to the other side of the room, and sat down on another chair. Hopefully the girl would see that there was no hope of Flo talking. But little did Flo know, that today would be the first time in weeks that she would talk again.

((AHH! It's so short! *runs away from the shortness*))

[Sita Mehadi H7]

Sita wasn't going to get dispirited as easily as the other girl evidently hoped she was. She'd been coping with Ingrid ignoring her - at least in some part ignoring her - since just before the beginning of this school year, and she was hardened to any strategy. This vacant expression strategy was no match for Sita. It was as though even her most pathetic serves were being hit into the net. Was the girl so unable to stand up for herself that she would just hit any thoughts and words into the net, waiting for a ball girl to go and collect them even though all the ball girls were on holiday? Sita didn't voice these thoughts, maintaining a silence that might have been thought impossible from the amount she was talking before. Perhaps it would once have been thought impossible for this girl to be silent. Her face was marked with the small crinkles of spontaneous smiles, not sullied by a lifetime of frowns. Sita just carried on throwing the ball. Thunk, thunk, thunk. The sound of tapping on the door of this girl's unnecessarily closed life.

Sita experienced a strange sensation of triumph as she saw the girl frown, and eventually stand up and walk away. That was a reaction, and a reaction was half way towards talking. Maybe. She hoped. The ball had just rolled away into a corner of the room, and not being proficient at anything like Accio, she had to go and ferret around for it for a while. Then Sita followed the girl to the other side of the room and, standing directly in front of her in her blindingly white outfit, began bouncing the ball on her knee. There was something in there, something more than sadness and a mute challenge to the world to do something about it.
"Ingrid hasn't been talking to me properly for ages," Sita confided as the ball bounced back and forth. "It makes me sad. You may think that I deserve it from where you sit now, but nobody deserves to be sad. Your friends don't deserve to be made sad. You don't deserve to be sad either, and whatever made you silent doesn't deserve to have you silent forever. We have things like minutes' silence for those. Where everyone focuses their thoughts onto one thing to create powerful, sombre remembrance. It's too much to do it all the time, I think. No human can keep their mind on one thing forever, they get distracted eventually and then it's just not worth it. Empty silence isn't worth anything. I wish that people wouldn't decide they were empty. When they think they're empty, there's always so much inside them that they just need to talk out. And then they don't talk out the full emptiness and everyone gets unhappy."

Sita had stopped bouncing the ball during this speech, and had instead drawn out a number of coloured bobbles and a metal hairbrush with savagely sharp bristles on it. She was now busy pulling the girl's hair into a number of unstylish pineapples, short fountains of hair forced into position by relentlessly tight bobbles. All the colours of the rainbow mixed together to make a very uncomfortable and somewhat bumpy, but at least bright, hairstyle. Sita didn't spare the girl any pain, even though she was capable of being gentle. She just kept on pulling all the hair into the positions that she wanted it in, sure of some sort of response.

[Flo Murvac H4]

Flo stared at the arm of the chair she now sat in. Her thoughts of nothingness swirled around her head, If thoughts did swirl. Some days her mind was just blank. Other days it was felt like a big block of thoughts. Nothing in Particular. Just little thoughts, formed together to make one big huge block! Some parts of her mind told her to stop being so stupid. That it wasn't her fault and she should stop moping around. Other parts of her mind told her that if she never spoke again, maybe no one else would get hurt. But it was so hard for Flo to speak up and say anything, since the last words she ever said to her friend was 'Shut up'. That's not what you're supposed to say when something horrible was about to happen. But she did. Flo thought she was going to eventually go mad, her mind always arguing...if minds actually did argue. Well Flo's did. And she was getting confused.

Flo shifted uncomfortably in her chair. She liked the other chair better. It wasn't as bumpy or so hard to sit in as the other. In the corner of her eye, Flo saw the other girl search around for that dratted ball. Flo groaned in her mind. Stupid ball. One day, she was going to buy up all of those little balls and throw them out to sea. Then they'll see who bounces the balls then! - Yep, Flo was defiantly going crazy. Flo was taken away from her thoughts as she felt the same tapping on her knee. This girl would not just give up! And now she was talking again! Flo closed her eyes for a second, thinking maybe the girl would just go away. But no. Flo opened them again, and there was the girl, talking away. Who was she anyway!? Flo probably knew her. But Flo had the memory of a fish.

The girl's voice suddenly tuned back into Flo's head and Flo found herself actually listening to what she was saying. How did this girl know all of this? She sure was smart. Wait, what did she say? Flo told herself to pay attention. The things the girl was talking about was different to what other people would tell Flo.

'It wasn't your fault!'
'You shouldn't punish yourself!'
'FLO! Start talking, or I'll shove this toad down your throat!!'

Flo had no idea why Tim thought a toad would get her talking...

The girl was now occupying herself with brushes and other things. Flo widened her eyes. She had better not be using that metal brush on Flo. Then; 'OW OW OW OW OWWWWWW!' Flo clenched her teeth together as her head was pulled to the left sharply as the girl gathered her hair into a small ponytail, and then proceeded to do again with left over hair. That's it. Flo wasn't crazy. This girl was!! Flo reached up behind her head and pulled the girl's hand away from her head, then put her own hands at the back of her head. Flo felt like she had a huge headache coming. Flo took a big breath and opened her mouth, almost speaking, but she quickly clamped her mouth shut.