Self Discovery ((Jack))

[Kennedy Valak S6]

Kennedy sat with his right leg propped up on a nearby table, his books sprawled around him. It would have appeared that he was deep in thought, concentrating on the surrounding school work, but that was far from true. His face did give the impression that he was thinking deeply of something, and this however was true. Winter break had come to an end, and he had been back at Hogwarts for a few weeks now. Time dragged on as it usually did, and Kennedy was feeling depressed as of late.

A few other Slytherins students sat close by, laughing and conversing with each other. It pained Kennedy to see them all so happy. Why was he the only one who seemed to be frustrated with life? Why was everyone else around him so cheery all the time? Even fellow Slytherins were at least happy, even if it was happiness gained at the expense of others' misery. But even that didn't appeal to Kennedy. What is wrong with me, he thought angrily to himself.

Slamming his Potions book shut, Kennedy sat up and covered his face in his hands. He couldn't even begin to describe all of the emotions buried inside. It was like he was having an internal war against himself. In a way, he felt like he didn't even know who he himself was. Sometimes he got so caught up in the stereotypes that the school had created among the houses, and he felt like he let his identity be masked by the fact that he was in Slytherin. Not that he wanted to be all cheery, brave, and moral like the Gryffindors were supposedly, but he felt trapped in a way. He felt trapped in the fact that he must dress, act, and feel like a Slytherin was supposed to feel.

Maybe I'm just stupid, he thought, attempting to brush the whole situation off. Sitting up again, he looked around the room, his brain numb from thinking. He looked around, searching, desperate for an escape. He just wanted so badly for a way to get out of it all for a moment so he could at least forget about it until he was better suited to be assessing the situation.

[Jack Rendel S5]

Jack sat in the armchair closest to the fire, books surrounding him on the table. Although it wasn't exactly the most comfortable position to be in, he had somehow managed to curl up in the chair, his legs underneath him and his head propped on his hands. After a few moments, he took his feet out from under him and stretched, lazily yawning. Slyths around him seemed to be enjoying their time off in waves of laughter. Jack glared at each one in turn, trying to send a mental message to them. When they continued laughing like idiots, Jack knew his message hadn't met their minds. With a sigh, he picked up the Transfiguration book and thoroughly considered throwing it in the fire. Honestly, wouldn't it be fun to watch the pages cackle as he sat back, watching just for amusement as the annoying words burned up in flames? Things that gave him trouble were harder to dispose of then that and this book was no different. If he could, he would throw it in, but no, it wasn't acceptable. And Madam Pince would surely curse him into oblivion.

Again, as Jack's mind reached a blank on what to think about, his mind went to Haille. Always Haille. Bothersome, annoying Haille. If only he could escape from her, but no, there was no way to avoid her pleading looks, her laughter, her smile, and the way she made Father laugh like Jack never had. Most intriguing of all was the way Father looked at her. Jack never got a look like that, and truth be told, probably wouldn't. Did he care? Of course not. Of course, it was.... and there he was again, lying to himself. The facts were clearly imprinted on his brain, and even if Haille were to leave Rendel Manor and never came back, she would still be there. Jack bit his bottom lip before closing his Transfiguration book with a snap that was loud enough for everyone around to hear. The laughing hesitated for a moment, but began again moments later. Funny, but they were only laughing at others pain. Jack didn't find it funny in the least, especially when you were the one in pain. Standing up from the chair, Jack peered around the Slytherin common room for someone worth his company.

"Hello Kennedy," Jack said moments later, sliding into a chair next to a fellow fourth year Slytherin. Jack only knew his name from classes and because they slept in the same room, but truthfully he had never taken much time to learn anything about the boy. They hadn't talked about anything before, except for maybe a few brief nods on Jack's part in the halls. With a sigh, Jack leaned back in the chair, watching Kennedy with a passive face. "Do you always look so trapped? Or is it just around me?" Jack mused lightly, letting a small smirk cross his face. "I'm not that scary, honestly. Once you get to know me, that is."

[Kennedy Valak S6]

Just as he was wanting so desperately to think about anything but his current thoughts, Kennedy looked up to see one of his roommates approach him. "Hey Jack," he mumbled. The two boys had never exchanged a full conversation before, and Kennedy wasn't sure now was the best time to start. From the little he did know about Jack, Kennedy had labeled him as someone who he could at least get along with, but he had never taken the time to try. Listening as Jack asked about his 'trapped' look, Kennedy gave a small grin. He really didn't know what to say as Jack was right in the fact that Kennedy often had a look of confusion detailing his face. It only made sense that Jack associated that with his usual demeanor.

"It's not you," Kennedy said, wondering if should even try to explain, "but you are right when you say that I usually have a trapped look." Glancing at the floor, Kennedy thought of how Jack might respond to his thoughts, or even if he would care for that matter. "So I suppose you think I'm some crazy, anti-social person," Kennedy joked. "But I guess that would be a valid assumption since I really have never taken the time to talk to you even though we have shared a room for the past four years." Kennedy made eye contact with Jack, attempting to read his thoughts. It bothered him when he was unable to tell what others were thinking about him, and he was sure Jack was probably analyzing his every move in an attempt to form an opinion about him. "So what made you come over anyways?" Kennedy finally asked. He was sure he sounded rude, but he was dying to know the answer to that question. Maybe Jack genuinely was attempting to make conversation, but if he only had come over because he had nothing better to do, Kennedy would have preferred that he left. Keeping all this to himself, he waited to hear Jack's response.

[Jack Rendel S5]

Jack watched Kennedy with a serene expression on his face. Just watching. It satisfied Jack to just look at people and form an opinion by their actions. Actions are better then words. That was true mostly when someone's bite was bigger then their bark. "Hey," Jack replied with a short nod and a quick small smile. He only ever smiled at people that were in his House, and sometimes it was even sarcastically. To Kennedy it was just an easy-going smile. He wouldn't mind conversing with the fourth year, especially since it had been four years since they hadn't talked. Not that they ever talked, but Jack felt like it was time to get to know people better in his own House. Shouldn't he be proud of himself enough to show people who he was? Besides, he only knew a few spare Slyths, and those Slyths were usually only close friends and nothing else.

"That's good, then. I don't like to make bad impressions, only truthful ones." Jack replied, settling deeper into the seat as a way to get comfortable. He hoped Kennedy could understand that her would like to make some conversation between the two, and not just pretend to have known each other these past four years. Amazing how long four years is. Jack breathed in the smell of the common room, letting a hint of a smile cross his lips. "Anti-social? That wouldn't bug me. Some people are too social, which immediately puts on them the label of 'annoying.'" Jack told Kennedy, a smile really taking place on his lips now. It was rare that Jack let a smile cross his face, and rarer still when it stayed on. But not many people in Slytherin joked about things without a heavy load of sarcasm. It was refreshing to hear at least one person do it differently.

"I'm not very good at guessing who people are." Jack admitted to Kennedy. "But you're right - we haven't talked in the past four years, or at least gotten to know each other. That's my fault as well, so I can assume we're both anti-social." Jack concluded with again the corners of his mouth turning up. It vanished as Kennedy asked why he came over here. Wait. Hadn't Jack been being nice before? He calmly crossed his arms over his chest in something of a mock defiant way. "Oh, you know, boredom and I thought it would be nice to get to know a fellow fourth year after four years of sleeping with them in the same room." Jack responded, sounding annoyed before he could stop himself. That's just the way he was.

[Kennedy Valak S6]

"I'm sorry," Kennedy replied in a rueful manner, "I didn't mean that. Well, I did, but I shouldn't have asked it. I'm just sick of those who really don't care but pretend like they do, and they only converse with people because they feel obligated to. It was wrong of me to even assume that you fit into that category. After all, you have never done anything for me to make that assumption." He stopped, biting his lip as the anger toward himself built. Why did he have to go and be cold to Jack who obviously hadn't done anything wrong? No wonder Kennedy felt like such a social outcast at the moment. Even he wouldn't want to be friends with himself if given the opportunity.

"You're totally right," he said, in attempt to turn the conversation to a positive direction. "It's pretty lame that we have managed to go four years without really getting to know each other. I guess we are both to blame on that." Looking at Jack, Kennedy really didn't even know where to begin. How do you start a conversation that should have occurred four years ago? A list of the basics ought to do, he assumed and began to ramble off a few details about himself. "Obviously you know my name, year, and house, so I will start by informing you of some things that are a little more personal which most people may not know. My interests include Quidditch, magical creatures, and reading- but only if I can learn something from it. I live with my parents and my younger sister who is walking curse. I can be arrogant at times, but it is mostly an outward reaction that doesn't match how I'm feeling inside. And finally, at this moment, I am very upset about the social bearings that are implied with the houses here at Hogwarts," he concluded. The list was very sporadic, but Kennedy's thinking wasn't exactly the clearest at the moment. He wasn't too disappointed with the information however. It was simple enough to give Jack a very broad view of some different characteristics and traits which revealed a bit about Kennedy.

Raising both eyebrows, he watched Jack and waited to see how he would respond. It wouldn't be surprising if he labeled Kennedy as 'crazy,' but at this point, he probably couldn't have cared less.

[Jack Rendel S5]

Jack nodded. "It's glad to see that people realize when they jump to conclusions." Although this could be taken the wrong way, Jack didn't regret saying it. He was also obligated to admit he was speaking in riddles, but that he wasn't worried about. Jack often found it easier to speak with hidden meanings then to be blunt and straight-forward. It was a trait he had learned all his life, maybe helped out a bit by being in Slytherin as well. After all, most Slyths spoke smoothly and sarcastically, often producing images in their heads and meanings that never came out of their mouth. Or was actually said like they were thinking it. He blinked a few times when Kennedy mentioned it was lame they hadn't started talking before. It was true, that much was certain. Jack just was a little surprised by his wording. Lame? He knew he wouldn't use such a word to describe what had happened between the two. Anti-social was a good word. Hadn't he already used that? He didn't comment on that though, since it was really just a factor that needn't be picked up in a conversation.

Jack listened with an open ear as Kennedy described himself suddenly and very sporadically. Not that it bothered Jack, he just wasn't sure what to make it all. When Kennedy was done, he was silent. Was he supposed to rant off a list about himself now? Jack wasn't sure if he wanted to; the only people that knew his full life story was Mack and Padme, Father and Haille. No one else knew anything close to it, unless Mack had told Dixie. Which he hoped she hadn't. Secrets made the relationship between Mack and Jack stronger. Or so he thought. Padme thought it was silly that way, or maybe she was just jealous. "Um, well I live with my Father and my adopted sister, Haille in Scotland. I have another sister who lives with my mother in London, and she's a Slytherin first year. I don't know how to describe myself... well, I suppose I can be arrogant as well, and I almost never get personal." Maybe that was the wrong thing to say. He wasn't even sure what he was supposed to be saying anymore.

"Hogwarts is my second home. I'm afraid I don't care much for Quidditch. Reading is okay, but I can't stand studying. I like the outdoors when there's something to do, but I hardly ever go out there to just enjoy the day...." He gave Kennedy a glance, and decided that he should comment on what Kennedy had said. One thing particularly stuck out to Jack, and he was keen to mention it now. "Social bearings implied between the four House of Hogwarts?" Jack repeated with a raised eyebrow. "Do you mind if I ask by what you mean by that exactly?" He was curious to see if Kennedy wasn't the Slyth he was being on the outside, like some people were, but his face remained normally expressionless. Or so he hoped.

[Kennedy Valak S6]

Kennedy listened as Jack reciprocated a response including most of the basics he first told about himself. It appeared though as if Jack was unsure of what he should say, but Kennedy didn't blame him. His rare mood had certainly made the conversation quite awkward, especially being the first actual time they talked for more than a minute. Nonetheless, Kennedy went on to explain what he meant by his last comment, as Jack had questioned him about it.

"Well, it's a long explanation," Kennedy informed Jack. He hoped Jack was in the mood to listen. Often Kennedy was easily bored by the ranting of others, but he continued anyways. "You see, I've just been so frustrated lately with the whole stereotyping that goes on here at Hogwarts. The implications that are carried with each house just aggravate me, and I just wish that for a moment, people would ignore what has been drilled into their heads and just accept people for who they are." Unsure if Jack was getting his point, Kennedy farther explained. "You know how as Slytherins, we are assumed to be wealthy, arrogant, better-than-everyone-else purebloods. And then you have the Gryffs- hotheaded do-goods who try their best to rival us as the most dominant house. The Ravenclaws are just those who are so smart and their main concern is that they do the best in their studies. And finally you have the Hufflepuffs, a mix of who knows what- the people that everybody considers weak. Well, I'm just sick of people profiling everybody depending on what house they are in. Why can't we all just let everybody be who they are, instead of conforming them to the house to which they belong."

Realizing that he was venting, solely in anger, Kennedy stopped and took a breath, waiting a few seconds before continuing. "I guess I just see people doing this so much and it annoys me. Maybe I'm just going insane, or maybe I'm already there, but I just want a chance to show others the real me without them immediately assuming who I am, not even giving me a chance to interact first." Jack was sure to be sleeping by now as Kennedy realized how much of a baby he sounded like. It did however feel a lot better to get that all out of his head, regardless of how Jack may take it.

[Jack Rendel S5]

Jack listened as best he could as Kennedy continued to rant on and on about it. Most interesting was that he was angry. Over what? Jack kept a keen eye on his face, never wavering. Although he wasn't trying to be over penetrating in his glance, it might have been forced to that extreme. What he was saying made no sense, no sense at all. He sounded like a sniffling Gryffindor. Horrible ideas like that wouldn't leave behind a good impression, especially since Jack couldn't understand any part of it. When Kennedy was finished, a very pregnant pause followed as Jack considered replying or just continuing to stare at him in a way that would make one extremely uncomfortable. Although the latter was a fun game to play, he was going to give Kennedy a chance. After all, Jack hadn't given him any before.

"You don't like stereotypes." Jack mused. "You don't like people looking at you and saying, "there's a Slytherin?" I'm afraid that's how the world goes 'round. I mean, without labels, people wouldn't be... people. Significant to others. Someone has to be better then you. Someone has to be lower then you. It's like a food chain, only know one is on top. You see, without labels we wouldn't have.. well, names. Parents usually name their kids after other people that they know and liked, or after some myth or legend that will do them proud." Surprising as it was to hear himself sound so deep and resourceful on the matter, he leaned against the armchair, propping his head on his hand. Thinking.

"You can't help who you are." He said suddenly after thinking about it profusely. "You're a Slytherin. And a Slytherin you will be for the rest of your life, even after Hogwarts. I know at first the labels bothered me a little too, but you get over it. It's the way of life, like I said before. It's nothing you can change, unless you plan on becoming someone different." He paused. "You can't start all over. Even though the idea is enticing, you have to stick with who you are, whether others like it or not. So, forget the stereotypes. Hogwarts has been and always will be like this. That's why they made Houses. To categorize you." Finishing up his mini speech, he licked his lips and busied himself by looking at Kennedy with the same penetrating stare, only this time it was in its full potential.

((I'm really sorry for the late reply. ))