Post by Ivy Tunstall on Mar 17, 2006 16:51:47 GMT
Sometimes things just got too much. Ivy wasn't one to openly show her hurt in front of other people. She was too conscious of her dignity to allow other people to know when she was upset. But sometimes it all got overwhelming, and when that happened she just had to drop everything and run. Away from everyone else, so that she could bear it in peace. Until it all hurt less, until it was all gone. When she could face the world again. It was probably the outcome of pushing everything that could hurt away from her mind - instead these things lurked near her heart and could all build up at once so that the most trivial thing would set her off. That embarrassed Ivy, even when she was at her most distraught. That she could get upset over the silliest things while she showed a stony face to the worst. So that she found it easiest to flee. And when she was upset she didn't want to do anything other than the easiest thing. The easiest way to get away from it all - except that that was an impossible task when you carried it all around with you.
She hadn't meant for this to happen. Really she hadn't. It was over a silly thing as usual. Potions homework even. Divination homework didn't generally bother her, but she did occasionally get stressed over Potions. That mattered and so did getting it wrong - that generally meant starting again from scratch, perhaps with some sad fragments of a torn up essay as a reminder of your failure. It didn't happen to Ivy often at all but she did get stressed about that happening sometimes. And right now she was distressed since she couldn't make head nor tail of this no matter how hard she strived. Ivy put her head in her hands. It didn't make any sense, not any of it. All a whole lot of meaningless words to her. The fifth year who'd been attempting to help her had got impatient and gone off somewhere.
Now she shook her head in an attempt to dispel the threatening flood of tears and abandoned her work in favour of running up the stairs to the Hufflepuff girls' dormitories. Such a long way to go. She hoped no one was watching. Ivy let out a sob as she managed with fumbling hands to close the door to the fourth years' dormitory and sank down onto her bed with her head in her hands once again, crying properly now with heart-wrenching sobs. Everything was suddenly viewed as though from the depths of despair - not just her Potions homework, in fact that least of all - even though she'd been laughing earlier on today, happy and smiling. She wanted to talk to her father so much. To let him know how much she loved him, how much she had valued his counsel and his support. She wanted her mum to smooth her hair softly as she had done when she was little. She wanted to feel safe again. Ivy slipped off the bed and sat with her back to it, hidden from view from the door. It still hurt so much, but the calming effect of the tears was starting to take effect. She couldn't stop crying just yet, pick herself up and carry on, but she was more aware of her surroundings again. The happiness was no longer all-consuming. And she wanted to get away from everyone; she didn't want them all to see her like this. Ivy hugged her knees protectively against her chest in an attempt to fill this gaping chasm that had opened up there, trying to get herself under control and battling so hard with herself that she didn't notice the door to the dormitory opening.
She hadn't meant for this to happen. Really she hadn't. It was over a silly thing as usual. Potions homework even. Divination homework didn't generally bother her, but she did occasionally get stressed over Potions. That mattered and so did getting it wrong - that generally meant starting again from scratch, perhaps with some sad fragments of a torn up essay as a reminder of your failure. It didn't happen to Ivy often at all but she did get stressed about that happening sometimes. And right now she was distressed since she couldn't make head nor tail of this no matter how hard she strived. Ivy put her head in her hands. It didn't make any sense, not any of it. All a whole lot of meaningless words to her. The fifth year who'd been attempting to help her had got impatient and gone off somewhere.
Now she shook her head in an attempt to dispel the threatening flood of tears and abandoned her work in favour of running up the stairs to the Hufflepuff girls' dormitories. Such a long way to go. She hoped no one was watching. Ivy let out a sob as she managed with fumbling hands to close the door to the fourth years' dormitory and sank down onto her bed with her head in her hands once again, crying properly now with heart-wrenching sobs. Everything was suddenly viewed as though from the depths of despair - not just her Potions homework, in fact that least of all - even though she'd been laughing earlier on today, happy and smiling. She wanted to talk to her father so much. To let him know how much she loved him, how much she had valued his counsel and his support. She wanted her mum to smooth her hair softly as she had done when she was little. She wanted to feel safe again. Ivy slipped off the bed and sat with her back to it, hidden from view from the door. It still hurt so much, but the calming effect of the tears was starting to take effect. She couldn't stop crying just yet, pick herself up and carry on, but she was more aware of her surroundings again. The happiness was no longer all-consuming. And she wanted to get away from everyone; she didn't want them all to see her like this. Ivy hugged her knees protectively against her chest in an attempt to fill this gaping chasm that had opened up there, trying to get herself under control and battling so hard with herself that she didn't notice the door to the dormitory opening.
