A New Start? ((Caitlin))

[Colin Morgensen G7]

Colin looked out the window glumly at all the parent's waving energetically at their children. He could see his parents in the crowd, looking for his face in the windows. They must have seen Derrick for they too joined in with the flurry of hands. Colin turned away from the window so they wouldn't see his face. He didn't want to be reminded of how long he would go without seeing them again. They had been reluctant to let him leave, especially after the kidnapping. He had managed to convince them that everything would be fine, however, and they had let him go with heavy hearts. They would get over it soon, except for a few moments of worry, but that was nothing if peace was held in Hogwarts. Worry over nothing was no worry at all.

He had requested that they drop him and his younger brother off earlier than usual so he could save a compartment for his friends. A little lie like that couldn't hurt, right? He had only wanted to get here early so he could avoid anyone who might try to stop him and talk to him - oh, how he dreaded seeing his fellow students again! People who knew him and would ask him questions, stupid, stupid questions! Even though he had good reasoning behind the lying, it clawed at his heart like a hungry animal, demanding to be attended. Colin shot a look out the window, as if he could convey all the words that wanted to be spoken through his eyes. That didn't satisfy his desire to tell them however - nothing could. For he couldn't tell them, he wouldn't. They would never understand, even if they tried. The would only engulf him in hugs and kisses, but that wouldn't save him from his nightmares. No, nothing would.

Colin stared at the seat opposite him, listening to the hustle and bustle outside his closed compartment door. Every so often someone would peer inside the window, causing Colin to quickly turn his head away, but no one stopped to sit with him. It was a relief in a way and yet he felt lonely. Such a strange mix of feelings. He only wanted to talk to one person, though, and that one person was probably not wanting to talk with him. He hadn't seen her all summer. He had written letters to her though, letters that had gone unsent. For no matter how much he desired to talk to her, he couldn't let himself be reminded of the past, even if she was one of the better parts. She had helped him through his recovery and now he was probably as normal as he would get. All because of her. Leaning against the window pane, Colin wished himself away from the empty compartment. He wished he was back at home, eating blueberry pancakes. He wished Caitlin was here and at the same time - he wished to be alone. Why couldn't he decide what he wanted anymore?

[Caitlin Martinez G7]

Caitlin’s summer had been, for the most part, stressful. Having to be in so many different places at once. Her mum wanted her to go to Italy with her for a month, and then her aunt wanted her to fly to France to visit for at least a fortnight. Caitlin felt like she was ever, and the one thing she wanted to do most – she hadn’t done all holiday. She had been with Tyler, hanging out as much as she could – but she still felt like something was missing. And after a week of thinking about it, that “thing” was Colin. She hadn’t talked to him. She had written him letters, upon letters upon letters, but she never sent them out. Most of them were her rambling. She knew he probably didn’t even want to hear from her anyway. She didn’t know how much of an impact her words had on him. How much they had helped him, if they had helped him at all. For all she knew, Caitlin had just made it that much worse. Well, now, she would find out.

Her hand went up to her hair, which had grown considerably over the summer. It went down to her middle back and her bangs were long enough to tuck behind her ears now. She had gotten a bit darker as well, which meant her eyes stood out that much more. She hadn’t grown any, she was still the same height of ultimate shortness – but she didn’t mind. Caitlin didn’t necessarily want to grow that much. People then might not be able to recognize her. She watched as the scenery passed by. It was unfamiliar land, because Caitlin didn’t live in London. Every year though, she traveled the same roads to get to Kings Cross, and every year it looked different. At least to her, anyway. Caitlin raked her fingers through her hair and took a deep breath before stepping out of the car. It was a cab, her mum and Myles had stopped dropping her off come her third year – saying it cost too much money. Caitlin didn’t believe that, but she didn’t argue. She wasn’t one for long and horrible goodbyes anyway.

She took her luggage from the cab driver, and then made her way into the train station. A song floated around in her mind as she weaved her way around people, avoiding certain contact and making sure no one touched her things. Finally she made it to the right platforms, and without hesitation – walked right into the wall. The other side was more lively. Caitlin always felt at home whenever she entered the right platform, and the scarlet train engine always seemed to help too. She breathed in a deep breath and a small smile appeared on her face before making her way toward the train and getting on in the last car. She hated sitting by people who wanted to chit chat. The last car rarely had anyone like that. As she made her way to a compartment she thought was empty, her mind returned to Colin and how nice it will be to see him again. When she opened the door – saw him sitting there – she brought her luggage in all the way and closed the door again before turning toward him and throwing her arms around his neck. “I’ve missed you,” she whispered.

[Colin Morgensen G7]

Colin leaned back in the chair, allowing himself to be engulfed by the cushioned red seats. He liked the train - always had - but when he had seen it today, a certain foreboding had risen in him, as if the train was just waiting to take him along back to the place he both loved and hated: Hogwarts. He hated it for what memories it held and he loved it like he had when he was a little kid. It was a magical school! Even besides that, though, he loved his friends there, although over the summer he hadn't put any effort into contacting them. He loved how the school was run and he loved the escape from... reality. Sometimes he thought he'd imagined it all. Imagined that he was a wizard and was taught magical spells. It was still so large a concept to grasp, and he was already in his last year!

When the compartment door opened, Colin prepared to send them back out. He had decided company wasn't one of his present wishes, though he knew that soon after the train would start off, he would want somebody there with him. He wasn't yet sure if he could handle his first sight of Hogwarts again after the whole summer. But at the sight of Caitlin, he was stunned into silence. What was the odds of her deciding to sit with him? Surely she had lots of friends... a boyfriend, maybe? He felt special that she had picked him over all that, and when she wrapped her arms around him, his heart nearly burst with joy. "I missed you more," he replied, finding that those words were the easiest he had to say the whole summer. They felt right too, and they tasted good on his tongue.

He hugged her back for a few moments before taking her hands and unlatching them from around his neck. Colin wanted to get a proper look at her, since he hadn't seen her in so long. Her hair was longer, and she looked a tad darker, but otherwise she appeared to be the same Caitlin. Just as he was the same Colin, only taller and his hair was longer. He smiled so widely it hurt, and then stood to help her with her luggage. It wasn't too hard to put it on the luggage racks, and when he was finished, he turned back to Caitlin, tucking his hands in his pockets in a slightly bashful way. He wasn't sure what to do now that everything practical was taken care of. Well, he knew what to do - talk. Talk about what though? All those letters gone unsent? All his wishes to see her never full-filled? All his fears over-shadowing him and all his nightmares and hallucinations? He settled on a more rational topic; "How are you?" he asked, sitting back down in his seat.

[Caitlin Martinez G7]

When he said he missed her more, Caitlin chuckled lightly and shook her head, “Never. We missed each other the same.” She said this just as she felt him hug her back, and for a moment – Caitlin felt like she could fly. Which, technically she could if she were on a broom. But at that moment, she wasn’t, so it was a rather blissful feeling. She had only felt that feeling once before, and that was with Tyler… now things between them were odd and uncomfortable, maybe because they had grown a part over the summer – who knew? She sure didn’t. All she knew was, she hadn’t felt any more complete than she did that exact moment when Colin was hugging her. Caitlin didn’t look any deeper into it than the fact that he was one of her good friends, and she cared for him a lot. A lot more than she had cared for any one else in her life. As he took her hands and pulled them from around his neck, Caitlin smiled. She knew she looked the same, only a bit more mature. She liked it, and she found herself suddenly caring what Colin thought of her.

She took the moment she was given when he helped her with her luggage, to look at him. He had grown considerably taller and his hair longer, but she really couldn’t see anything that was so different about him. Maybe his personality had changed. Well, that was almost a given. Caitlin wondered if everything had gone all right with him over the summer. And she wondered how he was dealing with the return to Hogwarts. She had half the urge to just hug him again and tell him it was only one more year… but the moment she thought of that – her happiness dropped. He would be gone and she would still be here, at this stupid school learning stupid magic. Caitlin tucked some of her hair behind her ear as she snapped out of her thoughts and watched him sit down again. She sat beside him just as he asked how she was. Again, she tucked some of her hair behind her ear and shrugged. Both were becoming a nervous, or anxious habit of hers. How was she? "I'm better now that I'm going back to school, or now that I am with someone that understands me. Summer was mean to me. Especially since I had to travel everywhere and I would have much rather just stayed in my room the whole time writing. Mum wouldn't hear of it, though."

Caitlin smiled softly at him, thinking maybe her summer sounded like heaven compared to his. She leaned her head against the back of the seat just as the train jolted and started to follow the tracks. They were on their way back to Hogwarts for another fun filled year. She rolled her eyes at that thought and turned her attention back to Colin, "How about you? How did summer treat you? Fall for any fair maidens?" She teased. She didn't know why she teased him with that question, but it came out before she could think about it. When she realized that she had indeed asked him such a question - she looked down at her hands and suddenly wished she had a bottle of water to shove to her lips when she was embarassed. Weird, wish, indeed.

[Colin Morgensen G7]

His grin widened even more - if that was possible - as she stated they missed each other the same. He couldn't imagine Caitlin missing him as much as he had her, but he of course didn't say that. Colin wasn't that open. Especially since he imagined that would only leave a strange and awkward silence, one that he wouldn't be able to break with a friendly remark. Maybe that was passing the border? The border of what, though? He tried not to dwell on it, since this wasn't even the first day back at Hogwarts and soon he would have too much to think about. He realized with a pang that Caitlin's personality must have changed over the summer. He had dreamed that when he came back, she would be the exact same as last year. Maybe he was being greedy with his wishes, but suddenly he felt a little uncomfortable around her. What if she had changed? He was afraid to find out, even with the little voice inside his head constantly reminding him that he might just like the new Caitlin. Who knew?

Colin noticed that Caitlin seemed a little awkward too. She kept on tucking her hair behind her ear. He tried not to wonder why he was making her uncomfortable - if she was. "Yeah, it's nice to be going back. In a way," he agreed, though it only brought back painful memories. He shoved them away to the back of his mind, where he kept all his dark thoughts. Right now he wanted to be happy, happy with himself and happy with Caitlin. "I never knew you liked to write," he mused softly, realizing that he hardly knew a thing about Caitlin. Well, he knew her, but he didn't know her hobbies, her likes and dislikes. He didn't know what she thought of her family, who her friends were. He was in the dark when it came to that. He only knew that something had happened to Caitlin that was similar to his... his... incident.

He just smiled when Caitlin asked the question back, with a teasing remark to top it off. His smile was a sad thoughtful one though, unlike all the others. "Well... I'm... I..." What to say? The truth? He didn't want Caitlin to worry over him already. He could take care of himself. But he didn't want to lie either. "I'm better," he finally managed, satisfied with his choice of words. He wondered if she would catch the hint and if so, would she let it slide? "Fair maidens?" he repeated with a small laugh. "Nah, not this summer. I was mostly... I usually avoided crowds," he said, finding it hard to avoid his fears. Ah well. Caitlin was sure to understand. After all, she understood him so well back then - it wouldn't be any different now, right? "But I really have been getting better," he said again. "All thanks to you." He shot her a grateful glance, the smile quirking his lips a real, sincere one. "Do you have plans for what you want to be when you grow up? You'd make a good doctor of some sort - you can really help people."

[Caitlin Martinez G7]

((sorry for the delay.))

She smiled a small smile and shrugged when she heard him say he didn't know she liked to write. Caitlin hadn't really told him. Their first conversation was mainly about photography, which Caitlin loved just about as much a sshe loved writing. "It's one of those things that I pick up off and on. I've never actually finished a piece. It's not like photography, once you start - it's done." Her eyes sparkld a bit as she spoke, but they stopped after a moment and she cast her eyes down. here she was, nearly all smiles, and Colin was returning to a place he probably lost all faith and joy in. Caitlin watched her hands wring themselves in her lap. She found herself wishing school hadn't ended last year, she found herself wishing that they were still in the classroom with the stars over them. She wanted to feel that feeling she had again, that feeling of being connected to him - knowing his pain and helping him through it. But she felt bad for wanting it. She wanted him to be out of the pain that he was in, she didn't want him to feel like he couldn't live his life to the fullest anymore. But she wanted to be there for him too. And she couldn't have both.

Her eyes didn't lift to look at him again until he spoke about how he was. She tucked some more of her hair behind her ear. "Th-that's good." she sent him a small smile before sighing and turning to completely face him, "Colin, this summer was torture. Truth is, I couldn't write a single word unless it related to you in some way. If I wasn't missing you, I was worrying about you, if I wasn't worrying about you, i wanted to cry because I knew what you were going through. It was pure torture and all I had to do was think that in so many months I would be back here, with you, and we'd talk and we'd laugh and everything would be like it was before. Everything would be simple, and sure, you might not be completely over what happened - but I didn't expect you to be, but I did had dreams and wishes that us meeting up after the summer holidays wouldn't be so awkward and...tip-toeing around eggshells." Caitlin, without realizing it, pulled some of her hair over her shoulder and started to run her fingers through it - twisting it this way and that, and braiding it over and over. When she finally did realize she was doing it, she quickly stopped and looked at her hands again; "See? I only do that when I'm nervous or in an awkward poition. I don't want to be in that place with you, you're one of the few people who I wasn't when I met them..." She closed her eyes and smiled a slight smile.

When she reopened them, she grabbed his hand and smiled again; "Im still me, I'm still Caitlin. The girl who talked with you under her false stars. I haven't changed, you haven't changed. I hope you haven't changed. And everything is going to be fine, everything." She squeezed his hand. Hoping that her out of character 'speech' would get rid of at least some of the awkwardness in the air. She hated how it felt in the compartment, how if someone said the wrong thing they would go teetering off the edge of the high high cliff ((or down a deep well, eh? )), and if it didn't then she would look like a fool in front of him - but that didn't bother her, because she didn't mind looking like a fool in front of Colin. Caitlin didn't let go of his hand, instead she settled back down in the seat again - her hand still holding his and nodded; "No. I haven't thought of it, though. But I don't think I could be a psychiatrist though."