I AM trouble. ((Hardy))

[kris]

Kris didn’t dare to venture along in the Forbidden Forest now that he was blind. He was much to helpless in this condition and while irreplaceable help inside the Hogwarts castle Morrigan could do little for him in the Forest. Kris knew the dangers of that place too well to not take the very best care of himself. However Kris missed the freedom romping in the Forest granted him. Yet there were always ways across, around or simply through every problem life presented you. He couldn’t bring dogs along with him to Hogwarts castle. But if the dogs stayed at Hogsmeade Kris could take them along for nightly romps in the Forest. He had been in different forests across the world often enough with Devil and Shadow to know that both dogs would obey any command momentarily and that he could handle the whole situation with a little help from them. And so here he was again in the place where he felt most at him while in Hogwarts.

Kris had always been a somewhat of a wild child and a nature-lover. While he wasn’t perhaps that much of an ecological thinker, he cared for animals. Kris had slept on hard rock next to a vixen with broken ribs just so that he could make sure the animal didn’t hurt itself in it’s sleep even though Kris’s own soft bed had been in the house behind him. But his heart just didn’t allow Kris to leave any animal into suffering. He would have preferred quick death to a life-time of winding as crippled and in pains. But his time to pass on from this life was far from here. He had survived this far, he would survive even longer. Even now Kris liked camping trips into the wild nature surrounding his castle. He knew the forests like his hand, yet at the same time there was always something new to discover. Kris was the type who saw a small miracle in a spider’s web and often preferred the solitude, rule and peace of a forest to the company of other people. But he felt free now again and so Kris let all thoughts go and just felt everything around himself feeling everything double in marvel inside his very soul.

Kris laughed and with his fingers wounding themselves into the furs of both dogs on either side of them he ran out of pure joy with the dogs keeping him steady and steered him around the trees when they came to any. Kris didn’t know for how long they ran towards the deeper parts of the forest. An hour or a little more he guessed judging by the way his muscles felt after the light exercise. But he wasn’t tired. He felt completely… alive after a long time. It was almost as if he was more aware of his each heartbeat, could feel the blood bumping through his veins. Kris was alive again. His body, heart, soul and mind united into one whole being. He was in the forest once again. Kris remembered everything. Devil and Shadow were enough to scare off any smaller predators he might find here – Kris knew not to go that deep into the forest to find really dangerous creatures. But Kris cooed along with the birds inhabiting the forest until the birds, not knowing to fear man completely, flew over and grabbed seeds from his palm. Kris smoothed the fur of his familiar vixen once again heard the calls of unicorns. The unicorns should be getting their young in a few months and Kris did not want to miss that. Even if he could only hear that wonderous occasion now.

Kris let Devil and Shadow go as they reached a high oak. Leaving his walking cane into the grass at the base of the tree Kris found a branch he could use to pull himself up. It was instinct and skill that let Kris climb the tree this easily as he seated himself next to an abandoned nest. His fingers felt the disheveled shape and the feathers and egg-shells in it. The birds and sons here had been eaten by some bigger predator. They gave their life so an other specie could live too. This was the rule of life. This was the rule of nature. And you had to respect and hold them. His ears picking up something strange Kris let out a bark himself that might be mistaken for a fox’s bark by someone who did not know better. Or by someone who couldn’t even imagine something else but a fox barking here at this hour. Kris knew that his dogs would understand and obey though and stay out of sight. And it just took a short wait for Kris to be certain that his senses hadn’t failed him. Yet it was a person approaching. And as the person most likely stumbled and let out a quiet word or two Kris recognized the tone of voice, even if he was too far to understand the words. Grinning Kris hesitated for a moment. But he owed the professor his life and actually in a lot of ways Kris even respected the middle-aged woman.

Lowering himself a few branches Kris took hold of the one that he had used to pull himself up onto the tree in the first place and swung himself back onto the ground landing in a soft crouch so to not harm his legs. “Professor Hardy, do you not know that it’s dangerous to venture in the Forbidden Forest alone?” Kris asked while giving the professor a quick flash of a crooked grin with just one of his lip-corners rising. Even if he would get slammed into detention now, this might just be worth it. Hardy must have made some kind of a movement that might be considered threatening though because the next thing Kris heard was Shadow’s bark as the little bit older than a year old Alaskan malamute rushed forward to protect Kris presumably.
“Shadow, down! Friend!” Kris commanded his voice lashing through the air like a whip the effect of it quick as the growling stopped immediately.

“Shadow, Devil,” Kris commanded raising his hands lightly with their palms downwards and a few moments later he felt the fur of the animals under his fingers. “Friend,” Kris repeated for both dogs before giving a command to the animals that was rarely given to his dogs. But Hardy had saved his life so she had earned the right of some bonuses usually reserved for family, “Respect. Trust. Protect.” Kris let the fur of the dogs go knowing that both dogs had been taught to reply in one way to these. Both dogs reached out their front paws, the right one a bit forward and before the left on as the almost stretched and lowered their head in a gesture as close to a bow as a dog could take. A small bark finished the greeting and Kris nodded with satisfaction.
“I hope you pardon Shadow. He’s still young and therefore impatient. He was merely trying to protect me ad let his nerves get the better of him. Neither of the dogs will make any threatening movement towards you again,” Kris said politely with a slight nod of greeting, “May I enquire what brings you to the Forest?”

[Professor Amaryllis Hardy]

It felt good to have her health back. She'd avoided strenuous activities for a while after she'd been injured. It took longer for things to heal nowadays with her advancing age and that spell had really got the better of her internal parts. And even the best of Poppy's care for a while. But now she was fighting fit again and venturing out into the Forbidden Forest. The cool night air made her heart beat a little faster in anticipation as the trees on the outskirts of the forest rustled and swayed in the wind. Forests were rather forboding things. Dark, enclosed, full of hiding places. The Dark Forest of Hogwarts was no exception, except that it actually was dangerous. Animals fully capable of hurting you; a great place for Death Eaters to lurk too. The Aurors were supposed to protect Hogwarts but Amaryllis didn't really place much trust in that. Alastor Moody was right... 'constant vigilance' was all you could really rely on to keep you alive. Even that wasn't always enough. But that danger was tantalising, the prospect fun. Exciting. The words sounded ridiculous coming from a middle-aged woman whose judgement was supposedly tempered by experience. Luckily they were entirely inside her head.

She smiled slightly as she saw another dark figure disappearing into the trees she herself was headed for. She recognised the outline even at a distance. Besides, few other people would have experience enough to venture into the forest so fearlessly. She pondered the question of the Slytherin boy as she made her way through the forest. He was apparently under the impression that he owed her something from what he'd said at their last meeting; yet she still hadn't entirely convinced herself there was nothing more she could have done to prevent him being in the position he was in now. There were things she should have done better, for certain. And other people, as well.

She had been walking mostly in darkness for a while; not using her wand to yield light as it was far better to allow her eyes to adjust to the darkness and be able to see further, but after a good hour and a quarter she became aware of the presence of another human being in the forest around her. It was getting late but nevertheless she had company. She approached less quietly than she had been making her general way through the forest; startling him wouldn't do any good. Though she was fairly sure he would soon be aware of her presence. Yes - the ceasing of the small amount of noise she'd heard in the direction she was fairly sure he was located told her that. She chuckled quietly to herself and murmured "Kris Graas," to herself with a little amusement as the intelligent actions of someone aware of his surroundings had confirmed nearly utterly the identity of the other person for her.

There he was, jumping down from a tree in front of her. Quite the squirrel for athleticism. She wasn't sure her own joints were quite that supple but she smiled at it nonetheless before her face became slightly more stern as he addressed her. 'Professor'... yes, now he shouldn't actually be out here by rights. School rules had to be observed. They were there for a reason... to be bent, as far as she remembered from her own days at Hogwarts. Perhaps teachers could bend them slightly too. She glanced at the two dogs the sicth year had at his side slightly warily before muttering "Lumos," to allow her to see him slightly better and taking a step forward. Enough to provoke a reaction from one of the dogs. Amaryllis waited white the Slytherin controlled them before replying, "I don't believe 'alone' is the correct analysis of the situation, Mr. Graas. You did enter before myself, even if our paths have only now converged. I am permitted to expose myself to that danger also." Amaryllis paused for a moment, her eyes steady on the boy. He might not be able to see it but he would most likely pick up on her stillness by the fact her voice wasn't changing direction. "He's not to blame for your bringing him here," she said shortly in reference to 'Shadow' before walking to one side as she pondered his final question. She fixed her gaze on his face as she answered.

"Envy, I suppose," she said with a touch of honestly where usually she would just conceal such a sentiment in similar situations. "I do have a legitimate reason for my presence since you care to ask. Some clumps of snowdrops are growing in a clearing a little further into the Forest. Protected against particularly large creatures of course. The location should theoretically stop students picking them since they're forbidden to enter - few would willingly go further than the outskirts fortunately." Amaryllis regarded him coolly for a moment before turning away. "Your purpose also now, Mr. Graas," she said. "Having... discovered you lurking here leaves little choice." Amaryllis glanced at him sharply before setting off on her course. He could follow for once.

[kris]

Kris couldn’t really eye professor Hardy warily for obvious reasons. But there was something guarded about his stance as he tried to gather up everything he knew and didn’t know about the professor. Loosing quite a number of points was certainly a possibility. Or being put into a detention or rather spend a week in detention. You never knew with professors. They had the most interesting twists of characters. At least some did.
Professor Hardy in some ways did appear to have a fondness for her students and she appreciated it when the student actually had an opinion, even if it varied slightly from her own. Kris wasn’t sure about his guesses about what the professor might do at all. Not a too regular occasion, as usually Kris could read people well enough. Even now that he couldn’t see, because he had only recently started to understand that people control their tone of voice even less than their facial expressions.

Kris analyzed Hardy’s voice perhaps even more than her actual words. His head tilted Kris tried to figure out what was going through the head of the professor. Her voice was stern certainly, but exactly angry. Kris didn’t think he was in very big trouble, but at the same time he might not be completely off the hook either. But nothing too terrible as Hardy seemed to be in a rather good mood, especially so if she had seen him slip into the Forest.
“Ah, but I’m hardly alone, professor, as I have my dogs with me. Devil has fought a mountain lion for me once and carries his scars from the fight proudly. An aranchid would hardly be a problem for either of my dogs and I do not venture deep inside to the Forest to meet anyone more dangerous. Even if I am apparently loosing my touch, if you managed to see me on my first night back here,” Kris replied lightly shifting one of his shoulders in a some-what shrug that made Morrigan protest with a meow to the sudden movement. As Hardy hadn’t made any change to where she stood Kris was the one who turned first. He picked up his walking-cane that he had left against the tree the silver thestral’s head adorning the top of it. The carved decorations fit nicely into Kris’s palm as he took a step back once again to face Hardy.

One of Kris’s eyebrows rose slightly at the quietly honest comment professor Hardy made. Envy brought her out here? Who – or what rather did she envy? Youth, the ability to throw worries in the wind and just life for your own enjoyment for a while? Everybody created the demons that tortured them themselves and the reasons for envy were always personal, so Kris couldn’t possible guess what was going around in Hardy’s head.
“Greed, desire, gluttony, laziness, pride, envy, anger – so many deadly sins that condemn us forever, yet who can not be touched by them? And only 3 stone angels – faith, hope, love – to guide us through a valuable life. It presents quite a complex situation, doesn’t it? Will we give up on all the joy in life and by not having any sins make the martyrdom of Christ worth nothing? We always have a choice over our actions. We might not like the options, but there is always the possibility of choice,” Kris replied easily turning his head according to where the slight sound of steps told him that Hardy was heading towards. Her words were almost an invitation so Kris fell into step next to Hardy, the fingers of his right hand wounded into the fur of Shadow as he let Devil roam freely around them. Were they in school Kris would have respectfully followed half a step behind the professor. But this was the Forbidden Forest. This was his kingdom and here the rules were a little bit different.

“Snowdrops? And some unfortunate soul has ventured in here to pick them?” Kris asked with mock-horror his eye-brows both raising as if in shock, “What crude violation of the school rules. And are we now heading towards there to make sure no one comes over to pick the flowers under the cover of the night? Or is the purpose rather to pick them so everyone could admire them?” Kris smirked knowing fully well where the snowdrops grew. He had picked them himself at Valentine’s day, knowing the gentle blooms were Dana’s favourite flowers, “In all reality, don’t you think that there is more than one field covered with wild snowdrops near that location?”

[Professor Amaryllis Hardy]

Amaryllis shook her head slightly in annoyance at his words. Must he press the point so? He shouldn't be here and he knew that as well as she did. "Hardly the matter in question, Mr. Graas," she said with a warning tone to her voice, replying to his later words merely, "You are apparently out of practice." She smiled a little to herself as she realised the implications of her last words. She didn't intend to endorse his being here of course and she seriously would really rather not encourage him. But she wasn't about to stutter and withdraw her words, however much of a mistake they might have been, coming straight from her thoughts as they had. Apparently she couldn't rely on her mind for discretion. The words were said though, and she'd never been one for stuttering. All you could do was face the consequences of your actions.
"Of course, I am sure this misdemeanor will never be repeated." she stated. Her tone of voice brooked no argument; though the words could hardly be credited one would have to be foolhardy indeed to contradict them openly.

Here they were back in philosophical discussion. It was apparently unavoidable. "Stone?" she asked with a touch of genuine curiosity in her voice. "You choose a strange material with which to construct the pillars of society indeed, Mr. Grass. Faith, hope and love. Not always easy things to hold on to. It is easy to lose faith when hope abandons us. Although perhaps it is we abandon hope. Not quite everlasting pillars that you choose either though, Mr. Graas. Intermittent. Just as is stone. Worn away by time, age, the world around it. Formed again by the same processes. But yes... it is easy to go astray. No living soul is entirely white." Amaryllis glanced at the Slytherin for a moment before focusing on her direction again. He might well wonder what she was thinking about in this case since she hadn't been very explicit.

The hope that Roger would come back, wake up... that hope had always been there. After more than a decade of unfulfilled faith it must happen it had somehow been easier to abandon that hope than carry on, only the tiniest glimmer still lighting up that part of her heart. Yet it was only after she'd given up that hope that what she'd hoped for had finally been fulfilled. She was rather a different person by now - she was nearly two decades older after all. A lot of change had occured in that time for her that Roger had never witnessed. Mr. Graas was utterly correct when he started life was a rather complex situation. Amaryllis sighed a little and pulled herself away from her own thoughts. She wasn't on her own anymore.

They had reached the clearing. The pale silver light of the waxing moon was able to reach the ground here rather than merely making the treetops shimmer, stretching out across the dark grass and casting odd shadows. Amaryllis glanced at the boy next to her. He wouldn't be able to see any of that. The grass was mossy and made her step naturally more bouncy on the springy surface. "I'd advise you not to go any further, Mr. Graas," she said, whilst muttering 'Finite Incantem' and a sequence of words she'd set herself. "I can assure you they haven't been the victims of any picking as of yet," she told him, inspecting the clumps of snowdrops in front of her. "I suspect anyone who was thinking about it would be warned they shouldn't by the fact anyone who approaches past the invisible barrier will sprout green shoots from their nose as a result of the hex I placed on it. And we come to pick. Not wild though; I only planted the bulbs here last year." Amaryllis pulled a few gently and handed them to Mr. Graas for safekeeping, the delicate heads bobbing in the light breeze that swept the clearing. "Snowdrops." she confirmed. "A sign of new hope. They're capable of battling bravely against the cold but yet so fragile at the same time." Amaryllis squatted down next to the clumps of snowdrops again and wrapped her fingers around a few of their stalks. She'd left snowdrops at St. Mungo's every year for her husband. Now he could have some he'd actually appreciate. They'd be good in the Muggle Studies and Duelling classrooms as well.

[kris]

Hardy’s words were firm. Kris had never been known for being a fool so outwardly he didn’t say anything back to the professor. The smirk gracing his lips told the entire story anyway but couldn’t be really used against him. Now that he had discovered a way he could return to his realm in Hogwarts – the Forest – it would be simply idiotic to not know he would return. And Hardy had long since proved that she was no fool.
Kris took off running as he threw his walking-cane at Shadow with a command to hold as he knew the dog would catch the cane without scratching the ebony surface with his teeth and hold it until Kris took hold of it again. Jumping up Kris grabbed hold of a lower branch and his knees bent swung himself lazily on the branch dropping back to his feet only after Hardy had reached him once again. Taking the cane from Shadow and letting Shadow roam free around them as well Kris smiled lazily humming a simple tune he had learned during the time spent in Estonia. Even if he translated the words to English as they walked.

“Seven white stone angels
Led me on my way.
Seven white stone angels,
Seven silent beauties
Standing at this holy site
being created by something great.
Among them I see you standing,
The only one I’ll ever love,
At the holy site so pretty
I can hold you in my arms,”
Kris tilted his head as if listening to his own voice quietly deciding that the Estonian version of the words was prettier. More melodical and almost more meaningful. He had always liked this song. The story of the meeting between a father and a daughter who meet again over many years of staying apart. Maybe that song had been ticking somewhere in the back of his mind when he chose stone to be the material for angels.
“What happens if all hope forsakes you? When your entire being is cold? When you don’t have anyone reaching out a hand for you to hold onto when the night falls upon your soul? When there are no dreams left? Nothing to make your heart and soul want to sing for? When you only wish to curl up and cry your heart out because there is nothing left to care for? When there is no one left to care for?“ Kris asked his mind drifting back to his own nightmare for a moment. He knew all too well how all of what he just described felt like, „As you yourself said, nature destroys, nature forms again. Hope and faith can be forged again.“

Going astray. What was astray? Joy was personal for everyone just as sorrow was. So how could following your heart and fulfilling your dreams be sometimes called going astray? „Let him, who is without sin throw the first stone,“ Kris quoted Pible by his memory, „Who can judge as to what is going astray? What does going astray even mean?“ Kris stopped on spot at Hardy’s words arching a lazy eye-brow as he had not came accross this field. He only knew the blooming-places of wild snowdrops. But he wouldn’t break into Hardy’s personal garden so to say anyway. Heraing professor Hardy murmuring some words that obviously took down the spell protecting the flowers Kris stepped forward behind her.

„Snowdrops are pure. And have more strength in them than you would guess by merely looking at them. I’ve heard of a philosphy that not only is every person like an animal inside, there is a flower symbolizing every person. It must take a lot in order to be worthy enough to have snowdrops symbolizing you,“ Kris said accepting the blooms Hardy handed him and raising the flowers gently to inhale their scent. In some ways snowdrops perhaps fit Hardy. Kris didn’t know much of her background, but she had some sort of quiet strength inside her that was rare to come by. Inner strength that made you respect her, as Hardy seemed like a person who would forge her own way out of anything.
„Don’t call me mr.Graas. You saved my life, so call me Kris. Or Faolan, if you prefer that name,“ Kris commented almost absent-mindedly sharing his middle name that was known by only a few with ease. Not many knew the meaning of the name Faolan either, but those who did usually thought it was fit Kris. Bending his legs and placing on of his knees on the ground Kris picked one snowdrop himself but didn’t move after it, not wanting to squish any of the tender blooms by walking among them as his mind was still contemptlating the random idea about Hardy being similar to snowdrops in some ways that had flashed through his mind.

[Professor Amaryllis Hardy]

Amaryllis watched Kris thoughtfully as the Slytherin took off ahead. He looked so happy and at home in the Forest, despite the fact it was decreed for his own safety he shouldn't be here. She just hoped he wouldn't get hurt in any way. Times were dangerous once again and she didn't know how they would be able to do anything other than struggle and hold up a barrier to protect the general populace this time. They seemed to struggle even to do that. It had taken a near mircale last time and Amaryllis thought she had seen her fair share of those during her lifetime. Roger had woken up. Amaryllis sighed slightly at the drift of her thoughts and smiled at the boy now singing and walking next to her despite the fact he couldn't see that smile. Or perhaps because of it. She really couldn't be sure.

"There will always be someone who needs you, Mr. Graas," she said as she transfigured a clump of moss into a linen basket. "Someone or something. Even if there's no one there for you or no one you realise is there, there will always be someone you can care for. There are plenty of broken things in the world to put back together." Amaryllis' serious gaze lingered on the Slytherin for a moment as she thought over his words. "And have you call me Amaryllis, Mr. Graas?" she asked, more lightly than she felt. She was actually rather dubious over the wisdom of in any way breaking the student-teacher relationship, and the thought of it almost frightened her, because she was in debt to him. He might look on it as her having saved her life but she looked on it as having failed to protect his eyesight.

Amaryllis broke her gaze and started to collect snowdrops into the linen basket she'd transfigured earlier, careful not to uproot any of the plants but yet trying to allow the flowers sufficient stems for water to be some help to them. It was chilly outside since it was still March and after nightfall now, and the earth was cold and damp to the touch as she put her hand down to adjust her position. Her knees clicked as she did so and Amaryllis winced at the sound of the aging joints. Age was starting to catch up with her now, perhaps slightly earlier than she'd hoped it would. But it fitted with everything she'd seen and done, she supposed.
"Going astray is failing to be true to yourself," she said as she gathered a few more flowers into her basket. "And hope never abandons us, Kris. It is easy for us to abandon it, though, and not easy to find it again. Far easier to abandon faint hope and give up than follow it... unquestioningly." Amaryllis winced again, this time at her having changed her word at the last moment. 'Blindly' wasn't the best one to use under the circumstances. She straightened up (ach, there went the knees again) and walked over to stand next to the Slytherin, handing him the basket so that he could deposit the snowdrops she'd given him earlier there.
"If snowdrops are pure I doubt anyone could be worthy of their symbolism," she said with a small smile. "Be I too harsh on my own species or no, I have yet to meet anyone entirely perfect."

[kris]

Kris was quiet for a few moments. He knew and understood the point in Hardy’s words but at the same time the words weren’t an answer for his thoughts. Kris frowned thoughtfully not sure how to word her thought and opinion. Not sure if he even wanted to share them with Hardy. Kris hesitated for a moment before tilting his face upwards as if seeking guidance from the stars, “There’s a difference between a need and a need. Am I needed for my fortune, connections and wide range of possibilities I can use for my advantage or am I needed for myself?” Kris raised his right hand and showed the ring on his finger to Hardy knowing that the pure emerald with his family-crest engraved into it cut and reflected the moonlight however scarce it was in the forest. It showed Kris was the Head of his family, and he was one of pillars of his ancient and strong family-tree. He had had the ring since he was nine, but until this year Kris had worn the ring around his neck on a small chain. He knew he hadn’t been ready to fully take on all the duties this ring made him responsible for.
“I’m sure you know what this ring symbolizes, professor. It isn’t just a fancy piece of jewelry I wear to show off. It represents and reminds me of the duty I inherited since birth and had to pick up when I was nine and inherited my fortune along with this ring. My servants need me to pay for their work, the villagers who live on my ground depends on me to provide them ground and work and financial support, members of my family-tree need me to settle disagreements and quarrels and to make sure the family-line will carry on as strongly and well even after my death, my friends and Dana need me as a pillar to lean on when things get hard and as someone who can offer them a refuge where they can forget their worries for a moment, my animals need me to provide them with shelter, food and security. There are more than plenty of those who require my help and I know it’s a duty I will have to fulfill until I die, as it’s not one to be taken lightly.” Kris settled back on his heels leaning his cheek against the hard fur of Shadow’s neck enjoying the feel of companionship and trust as one of his arms surrounded the dogs neck his fingers winding their way amongst the fur.

Kris chuckled slightly at Hardy’s comment. “Amaryllis? No, professor. As your student it’s required I show the proper respect to my… ah, mentor. So I will refer to you by the title professor. But as a student I may allow you to call me informally by my first name, whether in class or out of it. It’s my choice to decide which professor has the privilege of calling me by my first name and which professor doesn’t have it. Either Kris or Faolan from you, professor, will do nicely.” Kris smirked suddenly. Sometimes he wondered what had been going on in his father’s head when he named Kris Faolan. Gaelic for a wolf. Was the name supposed to call over guardian angels and a guiding spirit for him? It was as if Kris’s father had known he himself wouldn’t be around to help Kris grow into the man he was now. Or maybe his father had guessed or hoped already then that Kris would share his love for freedom, animals and the wild nature. “I don’t argue your point, professor. But what is there left to hope for? That I will live long enough to see my children grow up as I will want about a dozen or a little less of them? That my children will be able to fulfill some of their dreams? That I’m able to get the revenge I wish on the murderers of my father? To have the liberty to execute my revenge on the men who stole my eye-sight? Causes I would find worthy to hope for, may not be considered just as worthy by the rest of the society.”

Kris rather sensed than heard Hardy walking back over to him as Kris let go of Shadow’s neck giving an absent-minded pat to Devil’s back as well as the younger dog had pranced over to lay on his other side his side leaning against Kris’s thigh. Accepting the basket from Hardy Kris placed the flowers Hardy had handed him earlier into it. Holding the basket in his hand Kris didn’t even think about whether or not he should carry it. He was a gentleman if he wished to be, so he was even expected to carry the basket for the lady. “What flower symbolizes you, professor? Snapdragon? It’s a stubborn enough flower I suppose. Not a greenhouse flower as those aren’t very adaptable. But what flower would you pick for yourself, if I may enquire?”

[Professor Amaryllis Hardy]

Amaryllis listened carefully to Kris' words. She didn't keep her gaze on him, but even if he'd been able to see that it would have been obvious from her quietness that she was listening. She paused for a moment in what she was doing, considering what he was saying, and a small silence which seemed to stretch all the way to the dark sky settled over the clearing for a while after he'd finished talking. Finally she broke it as she answered in a low tone, "For all those things you are needed. And more that perhaps you won't realise until the need is gone. Or you fail to satisfy it." Now near to the edge of the clearing, Amaryllis leaned against a tree. Her position was still fairly upright since posture had only once been something she hadn't thought about much - earlier on this year when she'd been in so much pain after that curse. She was better though now, just taking the weight off her feet, that was all. That was all.

"What does it matter how society sees your hopes as long as they are things to live for? To keep you going?" she asked, taking a breath and then stopping abruptly before any more words came out. She'd been about to go further but suddenly it hadn't seemed like a good idea. Her eyes had filled with a sudden hardness and she stood there and said nothing, just watching him. He couldn't see that but her silence had turned frigid in a moment, and when she broke it she made no attempt to hide the bitterness he'd just raised. "Never got the chance to taste the dish of revenge," she said. "Someone else got there first." Well, she'd had other people to think about, after all. Things in her life to restrict her from doing what she'd have done otherwise. "I don't know whether it was a good thing or not. I would have... done more." Would have hurt the person who hurt Roger more than whoever killed them in the end did do, she added silently to herself. Almost viciously perhaps. But it made no difference now. And with that person dead now, Roger was back and she could share the time with him. Theoretically. Oh, what a difference there really was.

She laughed slightly at his suggestion of a flower that might suit her, and a lot of her tension came out in that laugh. Stubborn? True enough, but rather a case of the pot calling the kettle black. Without saying anything to communicate her intention she just gently prised the basket away again and set it down on the ground, bending down to harvest another of the natural bounties there. The moss. She laid it gently over the top of the snowdrops, arranging it with meticulous care as she answered his question. "Probably a bluebell, although I perhaps do my namesake justice sometimes. Now..." Amaryllis pondered for a moment before explaining, "I was going to say now more than before, but perhaps that wouldn't be true." She stood up, her knees just a little muddy. Ah well. That wouldn't matter for a while yet. Bringing the basket with her, she set off a little way into the forest again, simply saying, "This way," to let the Slytherin know which way he should come. And he should come, since she couldn't leave him 'unsupervised' now. However good supervision he might provide for himself in the Forest.
"A boy once told me my mercy was as tough as a rhododendron bush," she said, still quiet as she made her way carefully amongst the trees, but carrying on their previous conversation to some extent. There was a particular one she had to find. "And that I pricked as viciously as a holly bush. I had just hexed him, I suppose," she added, smiling slightly to herself with a hint of nostalgia. "I ended up marrying him actually," she mused as she tried to think back to what had brought on this attack of memory in the first place.

[kris]

The muscles in Kris’s jaw clenched. Until the need was lost? Kris knew what it felt like to disappoint and to fail, he knew how badly it hurt to loose. He had lost as often as he had won, even if he did only show the world his victories. “Shadow is young. Barely older than a year as I found him as a couple of months old puppy in the rather wild spring in the grove behind the Shrieking Shack. The bag in which someone wanted to drown him was carelessly tied so he had managed to get half-out of it after the bag got stuck on some branch when I happened upon him,” Kris stated reaching out his hand and waiting until Shadow walked over, the dog placing his head under Kris’s palm, as Kris mentally recalled the chilling water in the spring. Turning the dog sideways Kris’s fingers moved down his body moving the fur for long enough moments to show Hardy scars left from whip-lashes, burnings and stone-throws. “Sometimes the need is there even before we realize it’ even exists. How often is it possible to overcome the blindness with which we pass others and prevent the worst from happening?” Kris patted Shadow’s back as a sign that the dog may go not stating anything more about the matter. Speaking helped, cursing out, raging helped. But there were things and times where burying memories deep inside you and hoping they won’t kill you were the only things you could do.

Kris tilted his head listening to Hardy’s words. They were cut off too abruptly for there not being a story behind it. Revenge? It was a good thing to keep you going in time of tragedy when you were lacking hope. But you couldn’t leave them to be the center of your life for all eternity. If you lived only in hopes of payback, then one day you woke to find you alone and purposeless and the only one being hurt was yourself. “Could you kill, professor? Look into the eyes of the person who hurt and you kill, knowing you weren’t undoing the bad, knowing you were creating more pain, knowing you were getting rid of someone’s son, someone’s father, someone’s brother, uncle, friend? Maybe it is for the better that someone else got there first, because perhaps there are things no one should ever learn about themselves. Death isn’t the worst thing that can happen,” Kris stated slowly, not even knowing if Hardy expected a response or not. Every saint had a past and every sinner had a future and while Hardy was far from a saint, it was natural that she had her past with her own failures and hurts. It wasn’t Kris’s place to question, especially as he owed Hardy, not the other way around.

Hardy laughed and Kris allowed himself a small satisfied smirk while listening to Hardy’s own choice. Bluebell. Small, elegant, adapting, strong, even modest. It seemed suitable so Kris merely nodded in acknowledgement. “Why wouldn’t that be true? Everything that doesn’t kill you is supposed to make you stronger.” Kris started moving easily at Hardy’s ways going slowly enough to keep his balance. Stumbling on a tree-root he obviously didn’t see, Kris let out a quiet swear-word in Estonian while Devil let out a small bark. Managing to still stay upright Kris follow Hardy on while Devil walked against his leg, Kris fingers idly resting on the dog’s head, “I can see from where he got such an impression. You are hard, professor, though that most certainly isn’t a bad trait. And we all need someone who could challenge our every move and decision and sometimes make us see that it’s not the most correct one,” Kris mused calmly, not asking anything further. Marry him? Was this the reason why Hardy had cut off her word so abruptly earlier? Perhaps. But it has hardly Kris’s place to be curious at.