Tears ((Friends))

[dana]

Her eyes were opened as she stormed down the hallways of Hogwarts. She heard the chatter of students, glad to be with their friends again. Memories of summer, laughter. It all seemed so pathethic. Pointless.
„Hey, Dana!“ came a happy shout and in a heartbeat Dana’s wand was out as she cursed the person who had addressed her. Not caring enough to look back or to even check who exactly she had cursed Dana moved forward. She was pale, almost in shock as she gripped her wand white knuckles as she swept through the hallways of Hogwarts without noticing her surroundings. A professor who was entering the castle took one look at Dana’s face before taking a hurried step back letting Dana pass undisturbed. Even though Dana barel noticed.

She made her way over to the lake with wind starting around her, stretching around, tugging playfulyl at grass, some tree leaves and Dana’s hair. The wind seethed, bursting, accelerating, raising above Dana’s head. Dragging along leaves, patches ofgrass the wind howled around her face, shielding Dana form the world and from view. A beacon around her. Keeping away the world. Maybe wind could blow away away thoughts. Blow away memories of Kris’s body blocking her view just before it went limp. He had fallen to ground almsot soundlessly and the view kept replaying in Dana’s head. The wind burst upwards as it sped up even more. Weren’t it not a magical storm, it would be a disasterous whirlwind. Raging out her frustration, confusion, anger at the world... Dana tried to stop her thoughts and memories simply concentrating on the power flowing through her. And that power seemed to have something ancient in it. Then again – wasn’t rage ancient too?

Dana moved as if in her sleep. She didn’t know how she finally ended up practically all the way around the lake to a bare cliff. It had only one ash growing on it. Dana wasn’t entirely sure how the tree could grow here without any grass, seemingly coming straight out of the stone. But Kris had liked it there. The sunset displayed to Dana’s eyes was nothng less than magnificent as the wind slowly died away from around her. Dana barely noticed her surroundings. With her head bent and her shoulders stooped she just stood before slowly sliding to sit with her back at the tree. Kris was in coma. In coma becasue SHE had been in the wrong place, hurt becasue of HER! Dana felt worn. Tired. Even the dementors had been better than this despair and guilt she was feeling now.

Slowly one tear slid from Dana’s eyes as she pulled her knees up to her chest. Almost wonderingly Dana raised her finger catching the tear and looked at it. It was said that tears hurt. That they had burn a way onto the faces of countless of people thorougout history. So far Dana hadn’t believed it. Tears were just tears. Tear was just a salty droplet of water. Tears were merely a way to show your passion or emotions to the world. But now... now she believed that tears could burn. They could burn a hole right through your heart.
Dana’s body shook in a wordless cry as tears flowed from her eyes. It didn’t look pretty nor clean like in the movies when the crying heroine doens’t even have red eyes and smudged make-up after crying. Dana shook along with her tears, with sobs coming out of her very soul. It was a cry from her very deepest being. This was real. Tears that wouldn’t find comfort. Tears that could burn through you.

[Nasser Salah G6]

Nasser was panting as he ran around the school and the grounds looking for Dana. He'd seen her on the rain for about two minutes, and ever since then, he'd heard nothing about her until he heard that her cousin had been the most severely hurt of all the victims on the train save for Laura Pennington who had been killed. Saddened and surprised by this unexpected sad announcement Nasser had run to the Hospital Wing in search of her, but she wasn't there. Nasser didn’t know how Dana had received the shock, but the look in Madam Pomfrey's eyes had made a prickle of fear run down his back. He'd never known Dana's cousin attended Hogwarts with them, as they had been friends for such a short while. All he knew that there were no other Corans in the school so he must be related to her from her mother's side of the family.

She wasn't in the kitchens, which had been the first place Nasser looked, nor was she in any of the classrooms. She wasn't in the girls' bathrooms; Nasser had asked several girls who had given him strange looks but Nasser did not stop to explain. Nasser knew for a fact that she was not in the Ravenclaw common room nor had she attended the feast and the library wasn't even open yet so she couldn’t possibly be there. Nasser was now outside the school and in the grounds when he saw someone hexed lying on the ground. He helped the girl up, having to think a bit to realise what curse she had been hit with, and when she told him it was Dana who had cursed her and pointed in the direction of the lake Nasser ran there, vaguely registering that he should have recognised Dana's hexing ability. Even in her haste it had been effective and taken him a few minutes to guess what exactly she had done to the girl.

Nasser shivered as he ran, for out of nowhere the warm September weather had become cold and windy. It was very dark now and Nasser lit his wand to see. Nothing this year was comforting as it usually was. Nasser could sense it in everything, their professors, the school - it was like the wind was taking part in that as well – it was a reminder that the peace they had known for so long and had been so afraid of losing was no indeed being taken by force, and that this was just the beginning. Nothing was going to be the same anymore, and no-one knew what lay ahead.

At last he found her. All he could see of her was her hair, flying in the fierce wind that had started so unexpectedly tonight, rather eerily. Then Nasser stopped suddenly in his tracks and felt his heart hammering against his chest from all the running. He wanted to put his hands to his ears but didn't, and instead screwed his eyes shut. He had just heard the scariest, chilliest sob he had heard in his life. The sound was heart-rending, it touched, or rather shook the very core of Nasser and he didn’t think he would ever forget that cry of agony and despair that made him feel that the end of the world had come and happiness no longer existed. He didn’t know how long he stood there. He'd opened his eyes and was running now once again till he reached his heartbroken friend.

The sight of Dana left no room for hesitation. In a flash Nasser was beside her, and though he didn’t know what to do or say, he knew he had to be there for her in that moment and try and do all he could even if he didn’t succeed in cheering her up. She deserved that much from him – that and much more. He would hate himself if he hurt Dana any more than she obviously already hurt; it had been she who had helped Nasser get over that difficult time last year when he been so depressed and unlike himself. Nasser kneeled down before Dana. "Do you really think this will be end the Kris?" he asked, hoping fervently that he wasn't saying the wrong thing. He would kill himself if he hurt Dana any more than she obviously already hurt; it had been she who had helped Nasser get over that difficult time last year when he been so depressed and unlike himself.

[Caiest Hamilton S5]

A chilly extremely eerie wind picked up suddenly and Caiest wondered where it was coming from. Caiest had been outside once again. It seemed to be the place she had the most freedom. Lately the castle seemed more and more like a prison. Sure it was for their safety, staying inside the castle that was. But it seemed more like the teachers were trying to protect them from something they couldn't anymore. The war had spread to the castle and try as anyone could it couldn't be ignored anymore. Not that it was for a lack of trying. The security it seemed to have become thicker and people went around with their fake smiles acting like it was just another year but it wasn't. Had they all forgotten about the attack on the train ride there? Had they all forgotten about the girl who had been killed as a direct result of the war? Had they all forgotten Dana's cousin Kris who was in a coma because some death eaters decided to bring the war right to their doorstep? It seemed like everyone had. And that was why Caiest was outside.

It had started out as a nice day outside or as nice a day as it could be considering fall was coming. Caiest didn't really notice how nice the weather was or how many clouds were in the sky or even if there was a light breeze. She was too busy thinking. Thinking about the war and how she was helpless completely and utterly helpless. There was nothing she could do to help and every attempt to help was shot down by Logic and reason. No she was just a stupid fourth year student who hadn't even gotten to help when the attack on the train to school had happened. She had hidden like a little kid who was afraid of the bogeyman. She had run scared while Kris and others had stood and fought. No there was no way she'd ever do something helpful for their side. These where the things she was thinking about not how windy it was outside.

However when the wind got so bad that it seemed like the trees themselves would rip up Caiest stopped her pity trip and began looking around for the cause of this unnatural wind. Who was so sad so extremely upset that they would loose control of themselves like this. Then she heard it a wail that screamed pain and suffering. Like whoever made that noise was in such emotional agony that they could die. Caiest followed the sound till she was up on a cliff. She found Dana crying. No crying was too pretty a word. She was sobbing and it wasn't pretty it was a full out wail. Nasser was there too he was beside her and asked her if she thought it was the end of Kris.

Caiest wasn't sure what to do. She didn't really know Kris so she couldn't exactly comfort her by telling her everything would be okay. She tried not to lie to her friends if she could help it even if it was something they wanted to hear. Caiest wanted to help her best friend. The way she had helped her last year when she'd let someones stupid comment get to her. But this wasn't that. This wasn't something she could say 'who's ass do I need to kick' to make her feel better. Caiest had no real idea of how to make Dana feel better. She doubted there was real way to make her actually feel better but she knew how to make her see she had friends to help her see it through. So Caiest helped her the only way she knew how. She hugged Dana and let her cry.

[dana]

Dana just cried. She didn’t even notice the sun setting and the sky darkening. For Dana the rest of the world just didn’t matter. It held no importance over her, had no influence over the thoughts whirling around in her head. Dana felt… guilty. Tired, angry at the world and Death Eaters, torn, desperate, scared… but mot of all guilty. After al it had been her fault that Kris was in coma like he was. That he had broken bones, gotten cuts of glass and was unconscious for heaven knows how long. Or if he would ever wake or just pass on one moment without ever opening his eyes again?
So Dana just cried out all the hopelessness, the guilt, the anger, the fear. Yet all her tears seemed not to be saying all that he actually felt. They seemed to lacking emotions, yet Dana couldn’t pour the whirl of emotions inside her out in any other way.

Her tears were already starting to run out as Dana’s body physically didn’t have any tears nor strength to cry them anymore. Dana raised her head from her hands tiredly and look at the two people who had came to her. Nasser. Caiest. Two close friends who Dana would give practically everything for. But for a moment Dana shied away from them. This was why she usually cried in the night alone wile it was raining. Rain mixed with her tears, somehow adding a calming effect, making her own sorrow less. It was like a natural shield for her but today she was missing that shield. So for a moment Dana shied back from her friends. She knew she had a lot of personality mistakes. She could be a bit bossy, needy, annoying and bothering people not to mention a hundred of other little details. But with some part of her Dana was ashamed of crying in public. For one moment Dana tensed, ready to leap up and escape. For one moment that seemed like eternity for her, before she slowly relaxed again. She didn’t really have any reason to run.

“You two are out late,” Dana commented with her voice coarse from crying and not sounding like her own voice at all. It was only then when Nasser’s question actually did register in her head. The words seemed to bounce back in her head almost mocking her as they sounded over and over again. Do you really think this will be end the Kris? Do you really think this will be end the Kris? This will be the end of Kris. The end of Kris. Dana’s eyes widened as she looked at Nasser with almost wild eyes with the light from his wand reflection in them. The end of Kris…
“He’s in coma,” Dana muttered rejectedly as she struggled to gain some sort of control over herself again. The picture of Kris getting hit with the curse replayed itself in Dana’s mind. The way he had just stood almost lifted to air for a moment before slowly collapsing on the train floor. “And it was my fault,” Dana said mostly to herself as the words left her lips with a sigh. A shiver ran down her back from cold as much as from fear. Kris couldn’t die. He just couldn’t!

One of Dana’s hands rose to clutch the small silver medallion around her neck. It was old with engravings of ivy and roses on it. Dana had opened it countless times since the train ride so she flicked it open almost automatically now. Her thumb slid over the picture in the medallion as Dana herself didn’t even have to look at the small pictures there in order to see them in her mind. 4 little pictures.
A 5 year old Kris with a scratch on his cheek, his eyes twinkling with mischief and joy as he smiled towards the camera as full of life as possible.
Kris as he had been last year as he kneeled in front of the Forbidden forest with all the different animals he knew and cared for crowded around him yearning for his attention. He hadn’t seen Dana take the pictures so he was looking down at the animal in his lap but the slight curve of his mouth in a sincere smile was still visible.
Kris in third year with a smirk on his face and a smudge of flour on his cheek while a towel was turned around his waist to protect his black silk pants from being ruined should something drop on them. One of the few nights when he had stayed up and made pancakes for Dana when she was feeling especially stressed because of tests.
A picture of him in right before OWLs as Kris was sitting in a library. His chin resting on one of his hands while the other held a white mug of coffee almost protectingly. The small frown of his mouth when he wasn’t agreeing to something he was reading in the book.

Expressions and sides of him that so few saw. Yet, this was how Kris looked to Dana. A big brother who would always be there, always helping, caring protecting, even when Kris only 6 months older than her. He wasn’t just a distant sibling or a cousin. For Dana he was a brother. Best friend. Someone who would never criticize nor turn away no matter what. Oh, Dana knew that he wasn’t perfect nor anywhere even close to it but it was because of his mistakes that Dana loved him as the brother he was.
“My fault. If I hadn’t dragged him along so it would be more interesting to patrol the carriages. If I had moved quicker so we would have finished patrolling later. If I had reacted quicker so he wouldn’t have had to block me from view and send me away with a spell,” Dana’s voice broke as one more tear slowly slid down her cheek.

[Nasser Salah G6]

Nasser didn’t know Kris very well but they did take a few classes together and Nasser steered clear of him as he knew him to be one of the Slytherins who just couldn’t bear muggle-borns. He did know the boy had an incredible talent with dealing with animals and magical creatures though; he'd seen that in the memorable class last year when Hagrid had so unwisely brought dragons for his students to learn about. He had of course heard of the Graas family. Who hadn’t? And he'd heard of the incident in which Kris had been caught in the Forbidden Forest. All in all, from what he knew, this beloved cousin of Dana's seemed to have an adventurous streak and he had stood up in the face of the Death Eaters to protect her. That didn’t sound like anyone weak to Nasser, quite the opposite. And from what Nasser had read about comas they were much less of a problem in the magical world than in the muggle world. He knew of course that the boy's conditions were critical for the news had spread around the school like fire. He'd heard rumours about Healers coming in from St Mungo's to see Kris, and that was what had scared everyone the most. Never had Madam Pomfrey needed assistance with a patient before.

"Don’t you EVER – ever - blame yourself for anything those dirty Death Eaters do," said Nasser in a hard voice. "And Dana, I hate to tell you this, but – you know what happened to Laura, don’t you? That could have been Kris. How do you know what they were planning? They could have cast the killing curse on him in a second, and we all know Dana there's nothing that would stop them. If you've forgotten all that happened in the past years we've been at Hogwarts then look at Laura Pennington. Those bloody Death Eaters aren’t going to let us forget," said Nasser, breathing heavily.

Nasser was looking her in the eyes as he spoke, those sparkling green eyes that he had never seen looking so distressed. Life was such a strange thing, it somehow managed to always play tricks on you even when you thought you had learnt them all already. Nasser was thinking about this because he couldn’t help but remember when he'd first met Dana and Caiest. The difference in his and Dana personalities had struck Nasser the moment he'd met her and as he got to know her better during their last few month at Hogwarts last year when he'd first met Dana. She always reminded him of a bird somehow, free and flying over the horizon with not a worry in the world. Dana could joke about anything and at anytime, and the word shy just wasn't part of her vocabulary. Nasser had always loved the sound of her laughter and it hurt him to see her like this. He knew Dana was a person like everyone else but he'd just never imagined a situation in which she'd be so heartbroken and defeated – how could someone so vibrant and full of a zest for life end up like this?

Nasser exchanged a sad look with Caiest. "Do you know what you have to do now Dana?" asked Nasser, in the same quiet voice he had asked her whether she thought the end of Kris had come yet or not. He was glad Caiest was hugging her though he didn’t really like the role of talking he'd ended up taking, he was so afraid of saying the wrong thing. He just wasn't sure what to say in this situation and he didn’t want to say things like "I'm sorry" and "I'm sure he'll be fine", which would mean nothing to Dana right now. He wanted to show her they would be there for her just as she had to be there for Kris, and right now that was all that he could think of to tell her. It wasn't exactly comforting, but Nasser meant it, and even if his words couldn’t show it, his actions, now and in the days to come, would.

[dana]

Dana laughed at Nasser’s words. Yet her laughter was empty. Dana had always loved to laugh and smile and it always reached her heart and soul when she laughed. Today it didn’t. Today her laughter was cold and hollow. Emotionless. Dana’s world had been shaken to the very pillars that held up her view to the world. Kris was one of those pillars. Sure, he was mean and snarky and had a very difficult character. But for Dana she was always there in every way. She never saw those sides of Kris.
“I’m not blaming myself over Death Eaters. They weren’t there because of me – Death Eaters were present because of Potter,” Dana’s words were hard and spiteful. Sure, she hadn’t been a fan of Harry Potter previously either, but due to not knowing him Dana calling him Wonder-kid had a laughing and a kind shade of tone. Very rarely had Dana used his name and never before with loathing.

“Who else but him would they be after? I’m not blaming myself for the curse being cast either. Death Eaters weren’t there for a tea-party. But I am to be blamed of Kris being there. I didn’t invite the Death Eaters, I didn’t cast the curse. But it was because of ME that Kris was there. It was ME who had dragged him along, because otherwise he would have been in the front of the train where I found him. It was ME who didn’t understand the situation quickly enough, ME who wasn’t able to find my wand and cast protection charms, it was ME who Kris shielded first, therefore leaving himself defencless against the attack. That curse was aimed for me – so Kris getting hurt is MY fault,” Dana said. Her voice didn’t waver, nor break. She wasn’t whispering and yelling. She stated those words as a fact and a fact they were. The words sounded… flat… Maybe it would have been easier if Dana herself had hesitated over her words.

Dana placed on of her hands on Caiest’s arms as she hugged her trying to find comfort from the touch. She had never been a touchaphobe and could rather been called a ‘social butterfly. Dana was actually one of the VERY few persons who had friends in all the houses of Hogwarts. Staring off into space Dana blinked. She was too tired to cry but the tears had brought even a little bit of relief.
“I know about Laura Pennington. I had never met her, but I saw her mother when she received her daughters body in the Ministry. I was there to here what the aurors and Fudge had to say in excuse to my grand-parents about the attack. I saw her mother and she told me about her. Laura had liked to draw and she was good at it as I saw some pictures. She sang. Her mother was broken as Laura was her only child and she now only had an empty home to go to as she’s divorced and Laura’s father is remarried and living in Japan,” Dana felt pity course through her heart as she thought of the still relatively young woman who hadn’t let any tear fall but who had so obviously been broken… her mind, soul and heart – she had seemed so small as she held her daughters dead body that everyone had retreated leaving her to her privacy.

Dana laughed bitterly again as Nasser asked what she should do. “What I should do? Learn how to turn back time? Discover cures for uncureable conditions?” Dana’s eyes were wild as she locked her eyes with Nassers, “Have you ever seen my brother? He needed storms, wilderness, woods, rain and rivers, freedom to make him happy. Did you think there was any other reason for him romping in the Forbidden Forest 2 or 3 times a week, even though he was good enough to rarely ever be caught there anymore when he was alone? He was in detentions for being sawn entering the castle again. He loves the animals and their lives. It is – was – a huge part of his world.” Dana blinked and looked away at Nasser staring towards the sky as the last words escaped her lips sounding as if they sounded almost against her will.
“Maybe it would have been easier for Kris if he had been the one to die. He would have gone quickly so how can I be sure he won’t wish death? That was his world and now he can never enjoy it anymore.”
A shiver shook Dana’s body as a soundless sob climbed up. Her eyes squeezed tightly shut Dana whispered the words hearing them resounding in her head over and over again: “When Kris should wake – he’s blind. And I’m the one to be blamed for him being defencless when that curse hit. He’s blind for life.”

((Not the best post, but meh... Couldn't wait anymore - Jordan just jump in when you get the chance the same goes for anyone else friends with Dana IC and wanting to join.))

[Caiest Hamilton S5]

((sorry I took so long to reply and sorry it sucks))

Caiest hated to see Dana so broken up inside. Blaming herself for something she had no real control over. Dana was always an extremely bright and happy person and now she seemed so...hollow. It was how she would expect herself to act but not Dana never Dana. She wished she had there was some spell some magic wand she could wave over everything and make it all better but there wasn't. There wasn't anything she could really say or do to make things better.

Caiest agreed with Nasser when he told Dana to never blame herself for what the death eaters had done. It wasn't her fault they were horrible people who wouldn't hesitate to kill hundreds of innocent people just because they needed something to do. She looked over at Nasser and saw him give her a sad look. He felt the same way she did sad that their friend was so torn. He asked Dana if she knew what to do and was surprised by how hollow how dead Dana replied.

She hugged Dana tighter saddened by her friends tone of voice. Dana talked like this would be the end of her world and who knew maybe for Dana it was. As far as Caiest could see Kris was like a brother to Dana and something as bad as this happening was bound to shake her. Caiest just didn't realize how much.

Dana talked about how it was Potters fault the death eaters where there and it shocked her how hard Danas words where about him. Caiest had never heard Dana speak that way about another person in all her time of knowing her. Caiest could see how Dana could see it as being his fault but she had to disagree. She'd never met Harry Potter not really. Sure she'd seen him around but never once had she spoken to him or his friends. But she did know he didn't ask for anything of what had happened. He didn't ask to have the most powerful evil dark wizard ever known to target him and him alone and it killed something inside her to have Dana blame him. She didn't say anything about it though. It wasn't something she needed to voice.

However when Dana began blaming herself for Kris getting hit with the curse she couldn't hold her tounge any longer. "Dana you're my best friend and you know this but maybe it's you who's blind. Kris is a strong willed person from what I know of him. If he hadn't wanted to be there with you patrolling then he wouldn't have been there. If he really didn't want to be there then he wouldn't have been there. The curse that was sent was intended for anyone who happened to be in the way and it was Kris who chose to be in the way. You couldn't have made him move if you tried. He chose to take that curse for you so that you would be safe and he'd hate to see you so torn up about it. You're going to be very angry with me and if you tell me to leave that is your wish but I'm going to say this once and I hope you keep it in mind. It was Kris's fault he was there because that's the only way he'd have it. So I wish you'd stop beating yourself up over his choice. I guarantee you when he wakes up and is glad to be alive and know that you are safe he will get onto you for thinking this way. What happened to Kris is as much your fault as it is mine for my parents being gone. In the end it doesn't come down to who's fault it is it's all a matter of choices."

[Nasser Salah G6]

Blind. It was like a slap in the face, a hard, unexpected slap that left you breathless and maybe even ended up with you rolling onto the ground. No wonder Dana felt so guilty and upset – the implications of this were horrible and unbearable to think of. But whatever had happened it still wasn't her fault – and she needed to know that. Nasser looked at Caiest with gratitude in his eyes. She had eloquently explained to Dana what she needed to see and understand so she could move on to the next step and stop focusing on this agonising guilt that had overwhelmed her.

"Caiest's made it clear for you Dana. I can’t make you heed my advice, and I don’t think I need to. You just need to listen to your mind right now and stop blaming yourself for something you had no hand in – your mind Dana. You can’t let your grief be the master of you, that just isn’t the person you are, and it will never be," said Nasser. Nasser took one of her hands in his, rubbing it between his two hands. It was icy cold even though the weather wasn't that cold. It was windy but not cold, but Nasser knew the coldness Dana felt had nothing to do with the weather. How he wished there was something he could for her right now. It wasn't right for her to be so sad – he'd never imagined seeing the happy-go-lucky friend who had been such a support for him in this position before. But it was enough to make anyone depressed, even her. Nasser thought of those few moments in the morning when he sometimes couldn’t find his glasses and would fumble around tripping over this and that and feeling extremely frustrated until he found them. What was it going to be like for Kris to suddenly stumble into this world of darkness? He shivered suddenly and tried to hide the sadness and pity that were threatening to show in his voice.

He gave Dana's hand a final squeeze and then let it go. "He needs you Dana. Now more than ever before. And if he's anything like the typical Slytherin he's not going to admit it – so you’re going to have to help him in every way you can," said Nasser with a sigh. "I don’t know how I'm even daring to suggest this – but it's not like you couldn't take him into the Forest if you really want to," he continued, saying the first thing that came to his mind. "And yes it won’t be the same, but everything changes Dana – we just have to make the best of what comes our way," said Nasser.

((Has he said enough cliché's yet? ))

[dana]

Dana laughed bitterly once again. She felt like crying. But she didn’t have any tears left to shed anymore. Her body was dry even when her heart was weeping inside. She couldn’t bear to think about Kris laying helplessly and out of minds reach. Yet she couldn’t think of anything else either. Dana’s world had simply turned upside down. She had been shielded from most so far. With her grand-parents being so influential she had never felt the trouble of needing money or food, her own personality had insured her company whenever she desired it, her pure-blood status and Kris had even insured her the friendship of some Slytherins and made the others tolerate her without problems. This… Dana hadn’t been put through anything like this ever before… not even something remotely being like this guilt she was experiencing now.

“That curse wasn’t intend to just anyone. It was aimed directly at me. Directly between MY eyes, so I should be the one in the sterile Hospital Wing bed. When has Kris said no to me? He has sometimes solved something I want in some way I didn’t expect… some way that I didn’t see in the beginning… but he has never denied me anything,” Dana looked at Caiest trying to get her point through to her as her eyes felt dry and scratchy,” He chose to come and patrol with me. But it I had made my patrol earlier, if I hadn’t stepped into the compartment he was in, if I hadn’t asked him to come with me… then he wouldn’t have had to face such a choice!”
Dana swallowed and closed her eyes biting back a sigh. She felt so scared, so lost and alone. Yes, Caiest and Nasser were here for her. Yet Dana felt a hollow hole inside herself.
“Your parents don’t know how much they are missing when they don’t stay with you. Kris will know how much he is going to miss. And he’ll hurt. I know him well enough to see that hurt inside him and it is partially my fault he is feeling that. Because I created the situation by inviting him along where he had to face a decision whether to protect himself or me.”

Dana’s eyes flashed at Nasser, as she pushed back her hair: “And what kind of a person am I then, Nasser? Who exactly is Dana Gayle Cynthia Coran? How much do you know me? Do you know my biggest fears? What foods I don’t eat? What’s my favorite fairy-tale? What I dream of? Who and what I like, what comes me down after I have seen a nightmare? Could you pick the right song to hum to me if I need comfort? I am a pure-blood, Nasser, and a rich one while at it – I’m better off than most Slytherins. My grandfather is the Minister in France so all my life I have been given everything I should ever desire. Sometimes even before I myself understand I want it. Would healers from St. Mungos came to care for Kris unless Meredith and Julien had demanded it? I was literally born with a golden spoon in my mouth and a golden blanket wrapped around me. And oh yes, it has gotten to my head. I am spoiled, needy, cowardly, manipulative, mean to people I dislike and arrogant, lazy, vain and whatever else. I do think I’m better than some others, yet not to the extent than some. The Sorting Hat offered Slytherin to me right next to Ravenclaw. How can you be sure being cold and distant, bitter and mourning isn’t the real me and everything else isn’t just a façade?”

Dana stood and walked to the edge of the cliff they were on staring off at the water of the lake while wrapping her arms around herself. A half-sob that Dana herself wasn’t even aware of shook her body once again. Sighing Dana shook her head with her shoulders stooping rejectedly. She knew that she didn’t have any right to snap at Nasser. He had only tried to help, Danas mood and emotions were just over-driven with all that had been happening lately.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have snapper at you two. It’s just…,” Dana shook her head once again not finishing the sentence, “I know you want to help. My mind understands that I can’t blame anyone for what happened. But my heart isn’t ready to accept it. And I couldn’t take Kris to the Forest. I wouldn’t be able to cover even half of the distance he usually did and he would be more worried about me during that trip. I don’t know how to watch out for Aranchids or other small predators of holes in the ground or whatever else. Kris would feel the forest pulsating around him but he couldn’t enjoy it fully this way. It would be like tempting a hungry man with a slice of bread but keeping it out of his reach at all times. I couldn’t put him through that on top of everything else.” Dana shivered as one more lone tear made it’s way slowly down her cheek, meaning even more in it’s solitude. This one tear was almost heavy enough to break Dana’s heart, yet she didn’t even brush it off from her face.


((Clichœs are clichés becasue they are true, Nasser. And your post doens't suck Caies.t Took me a while how to figure out how to argue with your point.))

[Caiest Hamilton S5]

Caiest sighed. There was no getting through to her. She understood that Dana was going through a rough time. That in her mind she was the one responsible for Kris's condition. She really didn't know how to convince her friend otherwise. She'd said basically everything she had to say. She had tried to make her friend see the truth in her words but Dana wasn't buying it. In fact she snapped at both Nasser and her. She mentioned Caiests parents not knowing what they where missing by never being there. That Kris would know because he'd experienced being there for people. That one revelation made Caiest feel like crying. The fact that her parents weren't there for her that they didn't know what they where missing nor that they cared made Caiest want to cry. But she couldn't cry not now not in front of Dana not when she was hurting so badly.

And Caiest was right Dana was hurting. More then Caiest probably realized. She snapped at Nasser asking how they knew who the real Dana was. If they knew what songs she liked what foods she disliked how they knew that this wasn't the real Dana and that the other wasn't just a facade. Caiest realized she didn't know much of her friend at all but she did know Dana wasn't lying when she showed genuine concern for Caiests well being after she had a mental breakdown.

"I don't know about Nasser but as much as it kills me to say this I really don't know as much as I'd like to about you. I don't know your biggest fears. I don't know what foods you don't like. I don't know what songs to hum or how to calm you down after a nightmare. What I do know is that you weren't putting on a facade when you helped Nasser in the kitchens. You weren't putting on a facade when you cheered me up because I got upset over something I shouldn't have. When you tried to teach me to dance that wasn't a facade. What I'm trying to say here is maybe I don't know every single thing about you but I do know what's a facade and what isn't. I do know that this isn't what you're normally like. I wish there was a way to make you see that you're wrong it's not your fault. I wish you could hear yourself with all of your shoulda woulda coulda's."

Caiest got up and went over to where Dana had stood. She noticed one lone tear on Dana's face. That one tear spoke loads. It spoke of lonliness and hearbreak. Caiest spoke and it was almost a whisper. "Dana how can I help you if you won't let me?"

[Cassandra Blackfire G7]

Cassandra Blackfire wasn't a person that really notices her surroundings, and she was surprised that actually noticed the small group of people that had gathered on the hill together. Dana and Caiest, her two best friends at Hogwarts, and Nasser where consoling each other. She could hear Dana's sobs on the breeze, and she couldnt' help but see what was the matter. Coming up behind the group, Cass announced her presence. " Hey guys. Is everything okay?" However, it was evident very quickly that everything wasn't okay. She saw tears running down Dana's face, and her friends' distress unnerved her.

Putting a hand on Dana's shoulder, she addressed her question to the whole group. " What's going on? What happened?" Cass pulled out a blue piece of cloth. The cloth, a scrap from a dress that she had been working on earlier, was ragged at the edges, and it had some stitch marks in it, but it would work well as a kleenex. Staring at Caiest, Cassandra became eager for an answer.

[dana]

Dana sighed and rubbed her temples tiredly. “I know, Caiest, I know. And you have been great through all of that. You both have been the best sort of friends I could ever wish for. But now one of my friends is there – laying in the sterile and cold Hospital Wing. How can I ever face him again, knowing he sacrificed his eye-sight for me? I know he appreciated views. He would have rather lost his hearing or the ability to hear or smell. So this is a hard blow for him. If you can’t live and enjoy life fully, then is it even a worthy life?”

Dana let her head touch Caiest’s for a moment before straightening up again and staring off into space. She was just lost, not knowing what to do or what to say. For the first time in her life Dana felt completely helpless. And she didn’t like it. But what could she do to break this feeling? How could you fight destiny? How could you fight the inevitable?
„May it be the shadows call will fly away,
may it be you journey on to light the day,
when the night is overcome,
you may rise to find the sun,” Dana quoted quietly the words of a muggle singers song. Enya. Raising her wand Dana muttered the incantation and an holographic figure of Kris appeared. Cocking an arrogant eye-brow his features looked softer, one of his mouth-corners curled in a bit of lazy smile. Crossing his arms before himself the image of Kris seemed to learn against something as he looked relaxed. Relaxed in the way Dana saw him as he didn’t let his guard down in front of just anyone. Looking at this image of Kris Dana only felt worse. Yet in some way she couldn’t tear her eyes away. She would always feel in debt to Kris and she was afraid for him, yet she couldn’t think of anything else.

Shaking Cass’s hand off her shoulder sharply Dana took one more step forward. The last step she could take before falling into the lake. Now this would be one more person who would see her broken down. For a moment Dana almost regretted that she hadn’t made her way farther away where she could cry her fears out alone.
„Do you know how unsanitary it is to use someone else’s handkerchief? I don’t do it, nor do I lend my handkerchieves to others,“ a pointed glare was directed to the piece of cloth – was it even a handkerchief? – Cass was holding. Did she really expect Dana not to have her own handkerchief? Or that she would actually use someone elses?
With a sharp flick of her wrist and a half-circle of her hand and the image of Kris faded away into the night-air as Dana threw her head up and scowled at the stars. She wasn’t as much crying anymore, but almost angry at the world. The world that had wound those she cared for. World that hadn’t smiled back to her, but just hit. And hit exactly where it hurt most.