Post by kris on Sept 17, 2005 13:51:01 GMT
His face was emotionless. The sharp angles of his face seemed even sharper and sterner as usual. But his mouth was in a thin line. Not even frowning, sneering or scowling. It just was. Empty. Cold. Alone. That was exactly how he felt. Someone had just reached in and ripped out a piece of his soul. Perhaps it would have been easier if he had been in some sort of pain. Even a dull throbbing would help. But today there wouldn’t be any relief to be found in pain.
He stared towards the lake. At least he thought he did it. The raging wind threw droplets of water into his face as the heavy rain beat down on him. Thunder rolled across the sky only to be followed with a loud crash that always accompanied ligtning. However the sight around him didn’t change. Everything was black. Darker than any night could be. It wasn’t velvety darkness that would quietly envelope you, comfort you, tempt you with whispers so you didn’t fear anything anymore. Darkness that called out to you, surrounded you, engulfed you; caressed you, gave you power to fulfill your every desire. This was something endless and forbidding, something that could kill you if you weren’t watchful.
The sun-glasses that shielded his eyes constantly during day laid somewhere on the ground. They had been abandoned with a careless throw as the wind picked up. It hadn’t taken long for the light breeze to gather strength; for the laughter of kids on the grounds to quiet and stop as everyone seeked shelter in the Hogwarts castle. Everyone but him. His jacket was discarded a long time ago, leaving Kris standing only in a thin black T-shirt. The droplets of rain that kept hitting him were almost icy. They seemed to be able to cut through flesh but Kris didn’t even felt them. He just turned his face upwards, greeting the rain hitting him as thunder rolled once again.
The wind pulled on Kris’s hair whipping it around wildly; pulling at it with unbelievable strength. He was soaked to the bone and most certainly freezing to the touch. But the cold outside could never compare to the hole he felt inside. It was a wound that wouldn’t scar, never heal. The forests, seas, sunsets and sunrises, snowy mountainpeaks and small clear mountainlakes. All the wonders of nature were gone form his sight. By this black shield covering his eyes. He would never again be able to open his eyes and see. The morning dew on a spider web. A small wonder people passed by without noticing or destroying it with a sound of disgust. Destroying the work that had taken a spider hours to complete. Destroying the others life, brushing away the spiders home, the spiders resource for food. Kris felt like a spider who had just watched his web being destroyed. Ripped to shreds without no one even noticing.
Raising his head Kris howled along with the wind, knowing no one would hear it. The wind carried his words, his scream of pain that had been suppressed for days and carried them away while adding a whisper to them. The wind howled and whispered around Kris as he stood on the towertop of the highest tower of Hogwarts. His eyes completely blind without a clue on how to continue his life. His dreams, his desires, his wishes... they had all been sharply ended. Without any hope for a lighter tomorrow. The thought rang loudly in Kris’s mind who smirked at the irony. There wouldn’t be a lighter tomorrow. The day after tomorrow or the day after that or the day after that... he would never seen a lighter day again. He was blind. And there was nothing that could change that fact.
Kris was angry. Frustrated. Confused. Furious. Even scared. But one emtion shined back most clearly from behind all others. One emotion that Kris didn’t even dare to completely admit to himself. Despair. Despair that was so great it couldn’t be poured into words. Despair that made you vary of the next minute. That made you dread the following day. That made you scared of life. Despair that took hold of you only to never let you go.
He didn’t hear the light touch of four hooves on the stone floor of the tower-top. Kris didn’t jump nor feel threatened when a nuzzle touched his side questioningly. Closing his eyes Kris let his head fall forward. With his shoulders drooping he felt a shiver coming over himself. He was tired. Tired of everything. Tired of this mess that was inside him. Tired of the whirlwind of emotions, tired of people trying to offer comfort. People who he never cared about, people who never cared about him, when he could still see. And their words didn’t help. Words didn’t offer comfort. They were meaningless. Empty. Shallow. They didn’t know what it felt like to have the whole world sudenly covered from your eyes.
The thestral made a quiet sound in the back of his throat and Kris shivered once again. ’Madam Pomfrey will be furious becasue I came out here without being dressed warmly,’ the thought flashed through Kris’s mind before disappearing. A sigh escaped his lips with Kris barely noticing it. Slowly he lifted his hand placing it on the neck of the thestral. The animal seemed to sense Kris’s mood. The pain inside him. The need to get away. Kris wasn’t able to cry. He wasn’t even able to morn for his eye-sight. He was just tired. He felt... helpless... The thestral shifted and stepped forward his neck sliding away under Kris’s hand until he felt the leathery wings. The wing unfolded, lowering the the ground as the thestrals head slowly nudged Kris’s back. Slowly, feeling the weight in his every limbs Kris lifted his other hand on the back of the thestral as well. Kris hesitated. Did he dare? Without being able to see riding the thestral would seem almost like... treason... An irritated nudge hit his back and Kris pulled himself onto the back of the thestral. With the ground gone it seemed so... weak... unstable... Kris felt out of control, everything had shifted, turned on him... But he didn’t have any more time for hestitation as the thestral had already taken off. Long wings stretched as the powerful animal neared the ground floating, letting air and wind carry him.
Kris squeezed his eyes shut. It didn’t help against the darkness or turmoil inside him, but somehow it felt relieving. His leaned forward, his hands already finding the right places to hold on instinctively as the thestral flew in the storm. Kris urged him to go faster. Perhaps if he was good enough... fast enough... strong enough... he could escape these feelings, these thoughts for a little while... Even though deep down Kris knew that he would never be able to escape. Never be able to forget as it would always be there, ready to jump at him, stragling him. He would never again be able to return to life as it was... as it had been...
He stared towards the lake. At least he thought he did it. The raging wind threw droplets of water into his face as the heavy rain beat down on him. Thunder rolled across the sky only to be followed with a loud crash that always accompanied ligtning. However the sight around him didn’t change. Everything was black. Darker than any night could be. It wasn’t velvety darkness that would quietly envelope you, comfort you, tempt you with whispers so you didn’t fear anything anymore. Darkness that called out to you, surrounded you, engulfed you; caressed you, gave you power to fulfill your every desire. This was something endless and forbidding, something that could kill you if you weren’t watchful.
The sun-glasses that shielded his eyes constantly during day laid somewhere on the ground. They had been abandoned with a careless throw as the wind picked up. It hadn’t taken long for the light breeze to gather strength; for the laughter of kids on the grounds to quiet and stop as everyone seeked shelter in the Hogwarts castle. Everyone but him. His jacket was discarded a long time ago, leaving Kris standing only in a thin black T-shirt. The droplets of rain that kept hitting him were almost icy. They seemed to be able to cut through flesh but Kris didn’t even felt them. He just turned his face upwards, greeting the rain hitting him as thunder rolled once again.
The wind pulled on Kris’s hair whipping it around wildly; pulling at it with unbelievable strength. He was soaked to the bone and most certainly freezing to the touch. But the cold outside could never compare to the hole he felt inside. It was a wound that wouldn’t scar, never heal. The forests, seas, sunsets and sunrises, snowy mountainpeaks and small clear mountainlakes. All the wonders of nature were gone form his sight. By this black shield covering his eyes. He would never again be able to open his eyes and see. The morning dew on a spider web. A small wonder people passed by without noticing or destroying it with a sound of disgust. Destroying the work that had taken a spider hours to complete. Destroying the others life, brushing away the spiders home, the spiders resource for food. Kris felt like a spider who had just watched his web being destroyed. Ripped to shreds without no one even noticing.
Raising his head Kris howled along with the wind, knowing no one would hear it. The wind carried his words, his scream of pain that had been suppressed for days and carried them away while adding a whisper to them. The wind howled and whispered around Kris as he stood on the towertop of the highest tower of Hogwarts. His eyes completely blind without a clue on how to continue his life. His dreams, his desires, his wishes... they had all been sharply ended. Without any hope for a lighter tomorrow. The thought rang loudly in Kris’s mind who smirked at the irony. There wouldn’t be a lighter tomorrow. The day after tomorrow or the day after that or the day after that... he would never seen a lighter day again. He was blind. And there was nothing that could change that fact.
Kris was angry. Frustrated. Confused. Furious. Even scared. But one emtion shined back most clearly from behind all others. One emotion that Kris didn’t even dare to completely admit to himself. Despair. Despair that was so great it couldn’t be poured into words. Despair that made you vary of the next minute. That made you dread the following day. That made you scared of life. Despair that took hold of you only to never let you go.
He didn’t hear the light touch of four hooves on the stone floor of the tower-top. Kris didn’t jump nor feel threatened when a nuzzle touched his side questioningly. Closing his eyes Kris let his head fall forward. With his shoulders drooping he felt a shiver coming over himself. He was tired. Tired of everything. Tired of this mess that was inside him. Tired of the whirlwind of emotions, tired of people trying to offer comfort. People who he never cared about, people who never cared about him, when he could still see. And their words didn’t help. Words didn’t offer comfort. They were meaningless. Empty. Shallow. They didn’t know what it felt like to have the whole world sudenly covered from your eyes.
The thestral made a quiet sound in the back of his throat and Kris shivered once again. ’Madam Pomfrey will be furious becasue I came out here without being dressed warmly,’ the thought flashed through Kris’s mind before disappearing. A sigh escaped his lips with Kris barely noticing it. Slowly he lifted his hand placing it on the neck of the thestral. The animal seemed to sense Kris’s mood. The pain inside him. The need to get away. Kris wasn’t able to cry. He wasn’t even able to morn for his eye-sight. He was just tired. He felt... helpless... The thestral shifted and stepped forward his neck sliding away under Kris’s hand until he felt the leathery wings. The wing unfolded, lowering the the ground as the thestrals head slowly nudged Kris’s back. Slowly, feeling the weight in his every limbs Kris lifted his other hand on the back of the thestral as well. Kris hesitated. Did he dare? Without being able to see riding the thestral would seem almost like... treason... An irritated nudge hit his back and Kris pulled himself onto the back of the thestral. With the ground gone it seemed so... weak... unstable... Kris felt out of control, everything had shifted, turned on him... But he didn’t have any more time for hestitation as the thestral had already taken off. Long wings stretched as the powerful animal neared the ground floating, letting air and wind carry him.
Kris squeezed his eyes shut. It didn’t help against the darkness or turmoil inside him, but somehow it felt relieving. His leaned forward, his hands already finding the right places to hold on instinctively as the thestral flew in the storm. Kris urged him to go faster. Perhaps if he was good enough... fast enough... strong enough... he could escape these feelings, these thoughts for a little while... Even though deep down Kris knew that he would never be able to escape. Never be able to forget as it would always be there, ready to jump at him, stragling him. He would never again be able to return to life as it was... as it had been...