How Do You Move On... ((Colin))

[Lavender Brown]

Lavender pulled the door shut behind her as she left her dorm mates asleep in their beds. She couldn't handle being in there anymore. She couldn't stand being in anywhere. She just wanted to sit by herself in a place Parvati and her had never been together. Lavender sighed as she sat down on the stairwell that led to the common room from her dormitory. How could she move on when the pain was still so prevalent? Lavender brushed away the tear that slid down her cheek. She was not going to let herself do this again. She was not going to let herself cry. It seemed that's all she had been doing lately. She was tired of crying. She was tired of being alone. She was tired of not seeing her best friend. Lavender slid her hands down her jeans roughly as if she was trying to get something off, to wipe off the pain. It didn't help. She could feel her heart breaking inside. She grabbed onto her blue long-sleeve t-shirt in the place above her heart. She thought it would help ease the pain, but it wouldn't.

Lavender shook her head and quickly stood. She was not going to do this here or now. With that thought Lavender quickly bolted down the stairs and out into the common room. It was empty at that point of time in the morning. It seemed that only the real daft ones would be getting up at 5 a.m. on a Saturday. Lavender didn't care though. She knew she was going daft. She knew that if Parvati wasn't found soon or wasn't found alive Lavender would be spending her time in St. Mungo's, right along with Gilderoy Lockhart. Lavender held the tears at bay as she ran out through the portrait, she could hear the Fat Lady calling after her. "Dear, dear, come back. Everything will be all right!" It seemed everyone knew that Lavender was having a tough time with Parvati's disappearance, as well as with Padma leaving. Parvati and Lavender had almost become closer than Parvati and Padma. At least that's how it felt in the last few years.

Lavender continued to run through the corridors of Hogwarts. She didn't know where she was going or why she was going. She was just going wherever her legs carried her. As if by some sort of magic, Lavender was led down the hall that Parvati and her had many happy times together. The thought made the tears begin to fall. Lavender continued to run and as if anything else could go wrong. She heard a crashing sound down the corridor to her right. She knew it had to be Peeves. No one else would be making such racket. Lavender immediately ducked into the room closest to her. She didn't want to be seen crying and she definitely didn't want to be blamed for the crashing sound.

Lavender turned around and noticed she was in the Student Lounge. Parvati and her had spent a lot of time in there together. Most of the time it hadn't been on their homework. Lavender swallowed her saliva, but it didn't seem to want to go down. A large lump had formed in her throat and she couldn't do anything about it. The memories of Parvati flushed over her again and she found that her legs could no longer support her. She collapsed onto the ground. Her body shaking hard in an attempt to not cry. The attempt was just that, an attempt. It failed and within seconds she couldn't stop the tears from coming. She didn't know where they were coming from. It seemed impossible to her that she could still cry, but she could. She couldn't stop them, nor did she want to.

[Colin Morgensen G7]

5 a.m. What was Colin doing up so early? He reached out his hand to his clock, contemplating it closer to his face to make sure that it was indeed that early of an hour. 5:01 The clock read, making Colin moan and roll over in his four poster. It was Saturday! By god! A fellow dorm mate was snoring in his sleep. Really annoying, actually. After a few minutes of trying to ignore it, Colin ended up putting the pillow over his head, grumbling under his breath. The soft pillow only made things worse, as he most certainly could not sleep without a pillow under his head. Most of all, the feather thing was suffocating him. Throwing it off of him, Colin grimaced as it hit the wall not to far away, and fell with a soft thump to the floor. Luckily it awoke no one, only made a few stirrings in the beds.

"Bloody wonderful!" Colin was again grumbling under his breath as he pulled on his shoes. He wasn't sure where he was going, but it was now fifteen minutes after the hour. Fifteen long minutes of listening to snoring and throwing around a defenseless pillow. What a noble deed to be doing then! Colin rubbed away the Sandman's markings on his eyes before standing up and fumbling to the doorway. A few moments later he could be found wondering through the halls, at loss as to where to go. He could go eat in the Great Hall, but that didn't appeal to Colin much. Not only would he be the only student there, but the teachers might be there as well. And you never wanted to eat in front of teachers like McGonagal. Or even worse - Snape. Colin shivered. Yes, the Great Hall was not an option.

The Student Lounge seemed like an okay idea. Okay. If there were people in there, he would be leaving as fast as he had opened the door. Only because company was not something Colin had been looking forward to today. His camera was broken at the moment. Dad was supposed to send another one over, but he hadn't yet. When Colin opened the door to the Student Lounge and had half a mind to turn around right there, just like he had intended to if someone was inside. Someone was inside, only this some one was bawling, absolutely howling like the girl's heart was broken. She looked somewhat familiar, but no, Colin didn't know her name. He hesitated, trying to decide what to do, and finally, just as hesitantly, walked over to the girl.

"Um," Colin's voice sounded squeaky even to himself. Clearing his throat, he gazed around, showing how uncomfortable he was by wringing his hands. "Er... are you... uh... er... okay?"

[Lavender Brown]

Lavender didn't notice the sound at the door. She didn't even notice that someone had walked into the room. It wasn't until the sound of the voice, speaking words she could not understand. She pushed back from the voice with her feet and looked up at the person who had spoke. She quickly wiped her eyes and calmed her breathing. Tears were still forcing their way out of her eye sockets, but she kept wiping them away forcefully. She didn't want anyone to see her cry. She regretted her presence in the student lounge. Not that she had actually picked the spot. It had been more of a spontaneous thing. The thoughts fled from her as she tried to recognize the face. He was in Gryffindor. The guy with the camera. What was his name? Suddenly the thought of what he asked her made sense in her head.

She started to talk and then caught herself. She didn't know this kid very well. She didn't even know if he knew about Parvati or how they had been friends, best friends. Lavender took a deep breath as her breathing finally returned to normal. "Fine...I'm fine," Lavender said with a shaky voice. She knew she didn't look fine or sound fine. She looked like a wreck. Her skin was paler than normal. Her eyes were blood shot and from the lack of food she had been eating she was getting pretty thin. However, she couldn't help herself. She was too distraught over Parvati. Every second of everyday her thoughts rested on her kidnapped friend. If she was hurt? If she was even alive? There was nothing she could do but dwell on things that she could not fix.

The presence of the boy brought her out of her depression for a few seconds. "You're in Gryffindor right? The kid who carries around that camera taking pictures of everything, am I right? I'm Lavender," she said. Her voice was stronger, but it was still weak and childish sounding. She wondered if anyone could take her seriously in this kind of state. She sighed to herself as she pulled her knees up to her chin and watched the boy.

[Colin Morgensen G7]

Wow. She really was dishing it out. Crying, breathing so hard Colin started for a moment, afraid she might be going into a coma or maybe she was beginning to hyperventilate. Whichever one was no different; it would still leave Colin helpless to do anything. Not something that sounded particularly exciting. Especially since excitable Professor's might think of him as the cause. He wanted to calm the girl down, but the words escaped him. Lucky for Colin, she seemed to be gaining some control. He watched as she wiped away the tears from her cheeks silently. This was really... unreal. What was wrong with her? He couldn't read minds, even though that would be really, really neat! Of course, if he could read minds, he would know whether this girl wanted sympathy or for him to go away. He would also know what was wrong with her, and that would be a plus no matter what the girl wanted with him.

"Okay." Colin breathed a sigh of relief. Phew. Man, he was glad she was fine, as she put it. Even if she didn't look the part, she had said she was fine. Now he didn't need to worry about comfort or whatever else he had been planning to do. He was in the safe. The girl was a Gryffindor, that much he could tell, but otherwise everything was blank in his mind. Nothing more came when he summoned it. As usual. Colin was itching to go sit down in the armchair closest to her, but would that be a sign of boredom or carelessness? He cared, he just needed to sit down! The situation was so uncomfortable he even began to resume shifting from foot to foot. He hoped she didn't notice, but again he hoped she did; maybe she would say it was okay for him to sit down. It was hard to think standing up.

"I prefer to be called Colin." He said testily when she asked him if she was that 'camera kid.' He knew she wasn't in any position to actually know what she was saying. Hadn't Caitlin, that fun girl who had fallen of her bench almost, said that everyone in Gryffindor knew his name? He had believed it then because he wanted to, but this girl, this Lavender, called him a camera kid. Just didn't fit. Anyway, enough about knowing his name, wasn't a little respect called for? After all, he had come to her aid... sort of. Although the idea was strangely enticing he just couldn't apologize for his testy tone. He would have to stick to his guns sometime. Turning away, Colin took a chance and ventured to the armchair, sitting down stiffly in the soft cushions. Apparently he was wrong in thinking this would help him relax. In fact, his mind felt just a little more bleak and frazzled then before.

"Do you want to sit down?" He asked, glad he wasn't stuttering any longer. "I mean, off the floor. I don't think it's really comfortable, and you look like you need something more then that." He wanted to say support, but he couldn't do it. It sounded mean even to himself. Scratching his head as he thought, Colin leaned his head on his hand and sighed. Lavender. The name still wouldn't connect to anything. What a foolish game this was, trying to figure things out. Time to just ask. "So, Lavender, uh, what's... getting to you?"

[Lavender Brown]

Lavender was not surprised at Colin's reply with his name. Mostly because she hadn't noticed it at all. Her mind was still on her problems and she didn't care if she had insulted him by calling him the 'camera kid.' After all, he was in her mind. He always had that camera. He was always taking pictures. Lavender didn't see the obsession with photography, but maybe she just didn't understand that pictures were worth much more than any other belonging. They were flashes of memory, something tangible in a world that had become so fictional. Lavender looked up quickly as she heard the sound of Colin sitting in an armchair. Strange how the sound was similar to the sound of Parvati slipping through the port key in the Great Hall.

The thought caught Lavender off guard and she tried hard to slow her breathing that had began to become rapid. She pushed the tears away and looked away from Colin. She didn't want to cry in front of him again. He seemed to be freaked out from the last time when he walked in on her. She didn't know if he could handle another outburst from her that morning. Her thoughts were interrupted by a question from Colin. She looked around her on the floor. She liked the floor. She preferred the stable environment while a chair seemed to give her a more flexible surface underneath. "I think the floor would be better for right now," Lavender whispered in a voice that sounded far away and child like. She didn't even recognize her voice when it came out. She seemed to be 7 years old again when she watched her friend's aunt die from cancer. It had been such a frightening time for her to see death. She shook her head of the thoughts. Death was not a great thing to be thinking about when you didn't know if your best friend was alive or not. It just seemed to make you think the worst. She turned attention back to Collin thankful for the distraction from her own thoughts. "The floor makes me feel grounded in my energies and emotions. A chair would make me more...well not good."

Colin proceeded with another question and Lavender looked at him taking a deep breath. Surely he knew about Parvati? Certainly he knew that they were best friends? However, it seemed that he didn't at the moment or maybe he didn't remember. Anyway, Lavender took another deep breath and leaned back against a chair that was behind her supporting her back. "Parvati was my best friend. Is! Parvati is my best friend," Lavender said quickly hurting herself with her own words. She had to have faith and hope. She had to believe that Parvati was still alive and that she was going to be coming back soon. "Surely you've heard of her disappearance. It happened right in front of me. I couldn't stop it and I couldn't save her. Some people think I'm over reacting but honestly! My best friend disappeared right in front of me how did you think I would react?" Lavender exclaimed in frustration and tears. It wasn't directed toward Colin, but to people in general. Most didn't realize how close the two girls had been. It was almost like they were the twins, but Lavender knew that Padma was probably just as distraught as she was, if not more. She looked over at Colin. She had wiped the last bit of tears from her eyes. She wondered if Colin understood now why she was so upset. It just seemed that her love for her best friend had failed saving her friend. Maybe she wasn't suppose to be in Gryffindor. Maybe she was meant to be in another house. The thoughts were still running through her head when she heard Colin's reply.

((Sorry if it's a bit confusing and scatter brained. It's just kind of how Lavender is feeling at the moment. She isn't just concentrating on one topic...she's just kind of scatter brained. So sorry if you don't understand.))

[Colin Morgensen G7]

"Okay." He shrugged. It was her loss, really, not wanting to take a seat. The floor had no back to hold you up, it was just there. Not behind you, not below you, just there. If she wanted to stay moping on the ground; fine. Colin wasn't sure what was wrong with her, and somehow the fact that she couldn't pull herself together was beginning to annoy him. Very much. Okay, so it was fine to cry for a good time, but to look like this... man! He was surprised she still managed to eat, let alone get around. Wallowing on self-pity didn't really make Colin's impression on Lavender a good one. More like a baby. Someone who couldn't stop whining.

He would admit it; his jaw was open wide enough for a small rodent to jump in and use it as a swing. So she.... He knew it! He knew she had been involved in something. Feeling bad for his thoughts earlier, Colin shifted in his seat. Very uncomfortable with the situation. Parvati Patil. He had heard of her and the mysterious/disturbing/freaky/.... you get the point. But still, even though she was gone... Colin's thoughts tumbled into his mind and fought over supremacy, or in other words, the will to speak. It took a while, but when he finally found his voice, it was strong. "Hmm.... I'm so sorry for it.... you, Parvati... I mean..." Scratch strong. Colin fidgeted in his seat. "Sorry." That made no sense either. Make up your mind!

"I can't blame you for being so... upset." - Was that an understatement or what? "But would... would she want you to be like this? I mean - Parvati - isn't she.... wouldn't she be upset that you're upset? Wait..." Gosh, Colin really was no good at prep talks. He wasn't a person who could lift someone up and out of their misery, especially when it cut this deep. Biting his lip, Colin gave a half shrug, half strangled sigh. This really was no good. "No, forget what I said before. Look... don't you think you've let yourself go... too much? This isn't a good way to help Parvati. And if I know anything about port-keys, isn't it impossible to stop someone after they touched it?" He wondered if that would give her any comfort. He honestly wasn't good at this stuff. Empathy, nah. So confusing, and people were too complex. They should be more like him. Colin gave Lavender a weak smile, and leaned back in the armchair.

[Lavender Brown]

Lavender sighed. Colin had obviously never lost a friend before. She had been there in the same room right next to Parvati. She should have figured out that something was wrong with that crystal ball. After all, since when did Professor Trelawney come out of her tower, especially to harass Harry Potter. But she had failed. It was Parvati that had been taken. Lavender fought the urge to think about whether she was alive or not...She fought the tears hard this time. She knew that she was freaking out Colin, who wouldn't be freaked out, is the more obvious question. She was acting completely insane. It was a wonder they hadn't locked her up in St. Mungo's yet. She already looked like she wasn't eating and stuff, which she wasn't, but that wasn't the point. She didn't want to or feel like making herself look presentable. What did she care anyways? The person that had always been there for her when she was having disagreements with her parents and other friends was gone. Her other half was missing and she might never get it back. A silent tear slid down her cheek and she instantly flicked it away.

"My best friend disappeared right in front of me..." Lavender said again. "It doesn't matter if I couldn't help her then. The point was that I wanted to and now I don't know if I ever will be able to again. She's gone and maybe forever. I mean what if the death eaters killed her immediately after seeing that it wasn't Harry and the whole ransom not is just a load of crap. Or maybe they're torturing her. Either way, I can't stop thinking about it. She's my best friend and I love her so much. I would take her place in an instant, but I can't. I can't eat, I can't sleep, and I can't concentrate, until I know that she is all right. I'll never be able to continue on until she's found, either dead or alive." The cold words hit Lavender hard, but she refused to cry. She would not let her emotions get the best of her right now. It was fine when she was alone, but with Colin here it would just make things more difficult and she couldn't handle difficult right now. She needed things to be as easy as they could be. She needed comfort and this was as close as she was going to get to it.