Comfort from a Friend ((Jordan))

[AmeliaBlack]

Amelia turned down the street in Hogsmead, heading towards The Three Broomsticks. Her blonde hair wipped about her head as she walked, the cold wind slamming against her. She kept walking dispite the wind. She had to find Jordan. The rumors going around about her cutting were too much. Amelia had to find her...

She walked around Hogsmeade, looking inside every shop, every alley. She was about to give when she spotted Jordan, standing in front of The Three Broomsticks. She felt her stomach clench with worry as she watched Jordan. She had to help her. She ran over and tapped Jordan on the shoulder. Her eyes filling with tears just at the thoought of her best friend in pain.

"Jordan?" she choked through her tears, "Are, are you ok?"

[JordanCortes]

Jordan looked up at Amelia. Her friend was starting to cry, and Jordan couldn't take it. Not more tears. She flipped her hair over her shoulder and crossed her arms, trying to keep warmth, and trying to forget the cuts on her arm.

"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be? I'm just nervous about a phone call. I need to hear from Chris. Other then that, and the normal glimmer of hope I see evry one and ahwile. I'm fine." Jordan answered, trying to smile but knowing she would fail. She lowered her head and started to walk along the edge of the building, following the path of inlaid snow. Knowing, that if she brought her unused quill tip across her skin the blood would stain the white pureness of the snow.

[AmeliaBlack]

Amelia wiped her tears and went after Jordan. She grabbed Jordan's shoulder and turned her around to meet her eyes. Amelia knew Jordan was denying it.

"I know the truth, Jordan. Why must you try and hide it from me? I worry about you, I havn't talked to you in a long while and now, when I try to talk about what matters, you turn away and try to deny thw truth. I love you so much Jordan, like my one true friend. I'm here for you! Why do you have to do this to me?" she felt her lip quiver, "Don't you trust me anymore?" She knew oh too well that she sounded like a huge Drama Queen, but this was a big deal to her. This was one of those things that touched Amelia deep down. One friend is hurting, she's hurting.

She looked from Jordan's right eye to her left, trying to figure out why she was being so pridefull. Trying to understand why she was cutting. Why she had fallen so low as to hurt herself. She knew that Katie was in a coma... but did she have to sink that low? Amelia had once been that depressed- but her friends helped her. And Jordan had too many friends to feel this way for long.

[JordanCortes]

Jordan shook her head and looked down, fiddling with her sleeve. Should she show her? No, it would make her cry even more and Jordan didn't want that. She never wanted that. BUt as Amelia continued, Jordan felt more and more guilty. So, Jordan did what came to her mind. She hugged Amelia. And started to cry, but held it in. She didn't cry in public.

"Oh, Ames. You don't know the truth. You really don't. You don't know what it's like, killing someone." Jordan whispered into her friends ear as she pulled away and looked at Amelia. How could she know? It was hard to believe, that Amelia had ever killed someone.

[AmeliaBlack]

Amelia hugged Jordan back and managed to hold in her tears. When Jordan said she had killed someone, Amelia's world stopped. She stared into Jordan's eyes for the longest moment... it was too hard to believe. She suddenly felt dizzy and fell back against the wall, holding her head. She breathed in long deep breathes. All the time staring at Jordan. Her eyes weren't crying anymore, atleast.

She took one more steading breath and grabbed Jordan's wrist, making sure she didn't squeeze too hard. She started to drag Jordan into The Three Broomsticks. It was time to talk- seriously talk and standing in a busy street in Hogsmeade was a bad idea. Jordan was too proud to do anythign in public. Oh how that always got in the way! Amelia started toward the Bathroom, still softly dragging Jordan behind her.

Once at the bathroom, Amelia walked inside and closed the door behind her and Jordan. She turned to Jordan and sighed.

"Ok... now we can acually talk," she said it softly and comfortingly... Jordan didn't need her to be mean and forcefull. She turned and locked the door so that no one would bother them. She turned back to Jordan and motioned for the toilet.

"Why dont you sit down?" she put the lid down and sighed again.

[JordanCortes]

Jordan shook her head as Amelia put the seat down for Jordan to sit on. She needed to stand. She knew if she sat she would get sick. So much had happened. And so much was bound to happen even more. They told her it was protecting of a family member, but that didn't get rid of the guilt. It didn't. It never would.

"I killed him. With these hands. I felt his blood ru-run down my hands onto my arms and stain my shirt. I heard him moan, and try to fight fo rhis life. I just...I killed him. With a lamp. I hit him over the head with a lamp. It broke on his head and smashed into pieces, he fell against the wall and died. I killed a human." Jordan whispered, her eyes staring at the wall, she was re-living the night. And she didn't want to. BUt, Amelia deserved to know everything. Including the "rumor." She deserved to know everything.

[AmeliaBlack]

Amelia didn't care that Jordan didn't sit. She just leaned against the wall and listened as Jordan explained killing a man. Slowly her eyes got wider and soon she couldn't hold her own wait. She fell onto the seat, staring at Jordan, shock and horror in her blue eyes. It was too much. But Jordan needed her... she would hold on for Jordan. She sat up on the seat and took a deep breath.

"Wh-who was... he?" she wanted to know... but she didn't know if she should know. She stared at Jordan, hoping to God it wasn't somebody who didn't deserve it.

[JordanCortes]

"It was uh, Katie's dad. But, just because he's an abuser doesn't mean he deserved it! No one deseres to die. That's just no where near right. They keep on saying I did the right thing, but honestly? I don't think I did. I took a life, Ames. A life. His breath was the last breath, because of me. All me. N oone else. I threatened him with magic, but hit him with a lamp. A big lamp too. I'm such a bad person." Jordan whispered. Her eyes adverted to the ground, she eyed the flooirng as if it were very interesting and shook her head, she was digusted with herself.

"Amelia. I can't change what I did. And I wish I could. So much stress is in my life right now. Chris and Pat are getting married, Katie's in a coma, and I killed a guy. I can't bear it. My pain is just...too...much." She said as she lifted her arm. Her fingers trembled as she pulled up her sleeve and rolled down the arm warmer she was wearing. Cuts stood out against her fair white skin and she winced at the memory, but; it made her feel so much...less stressful.

[AmeliaBlack]

Amelia sighed. What Jordan said made so much sense it was scarey... She could only nod at everything Jordan said. She nodded and nodded, not being able to say anything. Her throat was collapsed or something... she just couldn't talk as Jordan went on about katie's abusive father... now deceased father. She sighed again as she looked up at Jordan. Her sleeve was rolled up and Amelia was looking at the red cuts on her arm. Her throat went even more dry as she stared. She finally tore her eyes away from her arm and looked into Jordan's face.

"Jordan, you are so right." she started with concern in her voice, "About killing him, but not about you being a bad person. It wasn;t like you meant to kill him! Right? It wasn't as if you sat there and said to yourself- I hate him... why not kill the guy? He was a bad person- he needs to die! I know you so much better than that Jordan. I know most people would say that I shouldn't talk as I have never killed someone, but I do have enough good sense to know what's right. And I agree, it wasn't the best thing to do. But you didn't mean too. It was an accident. There shouldn't be guilt in an accident. Something you couldn't help." she looked at Jordan and realized that her eyes were looking at the floor.

She reached out and held Jordan's chin. She made Jordan look into Amelia's eyes and she shook her head.

"You aren't a bad person, Jordan. You're the very best person in the world. You defended katie when she needed it the most, you help your sister in a way she couldn't ever repay. I know that sounds horrible when the subject of killing someone is in it. but now Katie can never be hurt again, never hit, never slapped, never bruised, never again."

"I don't think of you as a bad person for killing Katie's dad, I think of you as Katie;s gardian angle," With tears standing in her eyes, she placed her hand softly on Jordan's cuts. She looked down and looked at each one. She kissed her finger tips and then touched every cut... one by one.

[JordanCortes]

Jordan closed her eyes and held back the tears that were threatening to fall. Her knees started to buckle and she started to fall. It was all way too much for her to handle. She couldn't take it. Jordan fell to the floor, her feet under her and her head bent forward. She clenched her stomach and rocked back and forth.

"No. I'm no Gaurdian Angel. I can't be. I just...I can't be. Even if it was to save her, I still didn't. Amelia she's in a coma! She may never wake up! I can't help but think if she did die, then...it's because, of me. Because, I didn't help her. I killed her father instead. I could have pulled her into the bathroom and called the ambulance, but I killed her father." Jordan said, still in disbelieve. She pulled her sleeve down and looked up at Amelia. Trying so hard not to cry and be strong. She had come this far without crying, she could continue.

"God, how I hate the days I go to visit her. Justin taunts me. Calls me a murderer. And to top it off, I sit and watch her. Struggle. Fight for her life. Like she has been all her life." She continued, remembering her recent visit to Katie's hospital room. She hadn't liked it. It was...all too, painful for her to bear.

[AmeliaBlack]

Amelia sighed, closing her eyes as she looked down. Her whole body feeling horrible. Jordan said she wasn;t a gaurdian angle and Amelia looked at her with pained shock on her face.

"how could you say that!? You are the one person who could have helped Katie! You, and you only! You sit there and think that life is so horrible... Jordan, I just can't agree that you should be hurting yourself! Would Katie want you to that to yoruself? Would she want you to be thinking so bad of yourself? No... Katie wouldn't." she looked at Jordan, hoping she would understand.

"If you think that you are so horrible, why dont you just kill yourself? Because you know what that would do to everyone... you know how Katie would feel! You know how I would feel! That everyone loves you way too much. We also care about you too much to let you xut yourself this way! Katie is too strong to die in that coma, and when she wakes up, and she will, she is going to kick your but!" Amelia smiled then, hoping that Jordan would get the joke. She did sigh though, it just wasn;t right..when Katie is in a coma, she doesn't need Jordan hurting herself. She needs Jordan to be strong, for her.

"Jordan, you may hate yourself, but please. Get yourself together and realize how much you're hurting everyone! You can't do this to yourself. You can;t do this to Katie. She needs you to be strong. She needs you to be there when she wakes up."

[JordanCortes]

"And I will be there! Amelia you don't understand! No one does! And I know you want to, and I know you are trying, but please...stop. I am thankful for you caring about me, but there isn't any other way I could deal. It's like my blood for her blood." Jordan whispered with a shake of her head. It was like Jordan's blood for Katie's. It was like she was making a bargain with God or a higher power. But, she knew she wasn't. It just made her feel better.

"Believe me...I know it's wrong, and I know I shouldn't do it. I've seen movies with kids that cut and I woul always promise myself I would never do it. But, now that I am doing it...I know why. It takes my pain away and gives me something I can deal with. I just...no one understands why or how I could do this, but I do and that's all that matters." Her voice was rising slightly with each word she was saying, and then she realized she was getting angry. Not at Amelia, no never at her. But at the people and them trying to help and trying to understand. No one could understand! Unless they went through it. And Jordan was doubtless that anyone had gone through what she had and is going through.

"And another thing! I am so tired of pepole asking me what would Katie do?! I'm not Katie now am I?! I'm sure Katie would yell and scream at me, but do you honestly think I would listen? Honestly? It's my life and my own business...why can't people just leave it be?" She asked as she began to pace the small area of the bathroom in which Amelia had pulled her into. Jordan was getting caught up in this now, and there really wasn't anything Amelia could do, besides listen.