Speak ((Jack))

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

I want to die. I want to hide myself from the world. Crawl in a hole. And die. I want to taste death in my mouth, and I want to stop breathing. I don't want to be suffocated by this constant life that surrounds me. What's the use? There is none. THe point in living was to live and love. I can't do either. If I live...I die. If I love...I don't get loved in return. Everything falls apart. At night I lie in my bed. Thinking about the good times and the bad times. Then it dawns on me. The majority of my life is my bad memories. I don't want them to be there. I want to die.

Everything was packed. Packed and ready to go. She had found her wand next to her dresser. Jamie had left a note that night. A note that she had just found. Dixie read it over and over again. Not believing what it said. Then she crumpled it up, and threw it away. It made no difference. Dixie had decided the night before, she would run away from her problems. She was through facing them head on. There was no point to it. There was no point to trying to survive. None. And nothing was going to change her mind. Not even a letter that stated his love for her. She was unflinching in her plan. She wasn't going to back out.

The moon shone brilliantly in the night sky that night. The night she had decided to leave. All was silent except for the scraping of Dixie's shoes hitting the pavement. She was walking to a safe distance away from the muggle lands. Dixie was going to apparate to a familiar place. One she wasn't sure about going to, but had no where else in mind. Padme's house. Dixie entered the woods, her suitcase following after her magically. Once she came to clearing, she picked up her suitcase, pocketed her wand- and got the image of Padme's house in her mind. Then...*pop* she was gone.

I wouldn't be surprised if they don't even notice me missing until morning in two weeks. It's not like they came in to check on me every day. They figured I wasn't going to go anywhere, so why waste their time looking in on me. They were smart. Without them neglecting me, I wouildn't have been able to get away so cleanly and quickly. Lucky me. Maybe my luck is changing. Then again, maybe not.

She appeared in front of a house. A large house. Padme's house. Maybe. She wasn't sure. She couldn't remember. Her memory had gone fuzzy. Dixie inhaled, the cold air stinging her lips. She was tempted to lick them- but didn't. They remained chapped. They remained sealed shut. Dix grasped her suitcase and continued toward the house. She looked around and then knocked briskly on the door. Wondering who would answer. Anticpating Padme since it was so late at night. But not getting her at all. Who opened the door...was someone Dixie wasn't expecting. But she didn't say anything. She stood in the doorway, her luggage threatening to break her wrist- and waited for Jack to say something.

[Jack Rendel S5]

"Padme's at an art academy until school starts," Tessa had explained before going off to the bar to get something to eat and drink. Jack had been left all alone in the small house, thinking about everything. He had brought Padme a gift and everything but yet she wasn't here to receive it. Oh well, he could give it to someone else. It was a necklace that was pure diamond, white as white could go. Jack thought of white as hope, and he had planned to give it to Padme with matching dangling earing's. Now, the diamond necklace that hung low on the neck and formed the North Star, was in the middle was in a case near the fridge, where Jack was planning to leave it until he took it back to the store. Smirking, he flung himself on the couch, cushioning his head with the fluffy pillows. Since when could Padme paint? He hadn't realized she had talents beside mocking people.... His head heart with his reeling thoughts as he glanced out the window. The street was crowded with cars and people, swarming to home after a good days work. It was six in the evening and Jack was already bored and bummed out. What to do without a talkative Padme? She had sounded awful over the phone, which had made Jack decide to buy her that jewelery, which Padme loved to wear. Now it was useless until Hogwarts, and who knew what Padme would do within that time. He fondled the necklace fondly. It was a sign of his great wealth and it was to give his sister the hope she had seemingly lost. Thrusting it onto the table, Jack turned toward the television for some entertainment.

His head began to throb constantly as the colorful screen flickered from scene to scene, none of them remotely interesting to Jack. What was there to do in the God-forsaken house? Jack scrunched up on the couch, his mind already drifting off to most welcome sleep. The steady drip-drop of water kept him out of sleep. A faucet must have been left running somewhere throughout the house, and lately it had been driving Jack mad trying to block it out. Throwing his arms over his head, he closed his eyes tightly and wished to fall into the merciful hands of slumber. But nothing happened. The drip-drop sounded through his mind, echoing through his very soul. Tessa must have been the one to leave it on. Damn her! Can't she realize people can't get to sleep while hearing that? Tessa hadn't returned home either, which was also rather bothersome. She leaves her son alone while she goes out for a drink or two? Please. Jack curled up cat-like on the couch, his eyes staring into the darkness they weren't yet accustomed to. He had turned off the T.V. for it had hurt his tired eyes. What time was it? Ten? Eleven? Jack was too lazy to get up and check, instead he checked by glancing out the window. No cars or headlights shone through the street and no sound had been heard. This all added up to his hypothesis that it really was late. And it was. He gripped the pillow and pulled it over his head, seeking to block out the resounding sound of water. It was a useless attempt, and he soon found that out. Flinging the pillow onto the floor, he glared at where it had fallen. It hadn't been thick enough to block out the sound waves. Who made pillows these days anyway? Standing up slowly, Jack drifted toward the kitchen, aware of every sound he made in the process. Every creak echoed through the house eerily, making Jack feel awfully uncomfortable. Shrugging off the feeling the best he could, he got a bag of chips and popped a few in his mouth after returning to the couch.

The night went on like this until the doorbell rang, causing Jack to fall off the couch into a heap. "Damn it!" he swore loudly, fighting to stand up. He had landed on his arm, which was no sore and his legs had landed haphazardly around him. When he regained his footing, he almost ran to the door, throwing it wide open in rage. Who the hell would be visiting at this time of night? The sight before him made Jack step back uncertainly in surprise and shock. A girl stood before him, skinny and runty looking, her complexion white like a ghost. Against the night sky, Jack could have mistaken Dixie Holden for a ghost. It was her hair that stood out, and her eyes. He could barely recognize her as the vibrant girl he had spoken to on occasion. There he stood, shocked, surprised and scared. What did she want? She looked hungry and helpless, so Jack opened the screen door to allow her entry. "Padme's not home." he chocked out, his voice sounding unearthly. What had happened to Dix to make her like this? He struggled to remain calm as he gestured to the couch and took the luggage from her bony hands. Oh lord...The luggage was heavy, as if she had carried everything with her. What was she doing here when Padme wasn't even in the district? Jack trembled slightly as he set the luggage against the far wall near the television. Sitting down near Dix but not too close, he smiled slightly. "Hungry?" he asked and without waiting for an answer, he thrust the bag of chips into her hands. They were the sour-cream and onion kind. "There's more if you want. Or there's some other stuff...too...." he drifted off slowly. Biting his lip he watched Dix closely. When nothing was said right away he regained what little composure was left. "Do you mind explaining why you're here? Padme's not around, surely you know that? And why, oh why, are you around at night, knocking on peoples' doors?" he glanced at the luggage to show his meaning and settled down on the couch, his eyes never leaving Dixie's face.

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

Dixie's eyes followed Jack. They watched him. They watched him take her luggage, and shove a bag of chips into her hands. She wasn't hungry. Her mouth was dry again. As if she couldn't find her voice. Dixie blinked and looked at Jack with weary eyes. Her lip began to chap again, and there was a burning sensation in her lower lip. It was healing. Dixie licked her lip. She didn't want them to heal. It gave her an excuse not to speak. He asked her questions. No. She hadn't known Padme wasn't in. If she did why would she have come over? She didn't want other food and all she wanted to do was sleep.

He kept talking. She didn't answer. She merely blinked at him. Her brown eyes boring into him. Trying to send him words through her thoughts. Finally, getting frustrated, she pulled out a piece of paper and a pen. She pulled the cap off the pen and wrote on the paper; "I need to talk to Padme. Where is she? I didn't know she was gone. When will she be back?" She thrust the paper at him and waited patiently for him to answer her. Her bones were brittle and she was afraid they were going to break as she lifted her legs up onto the couch. She curled them up, and wrapped her arms around her knees- hugging herself.

She glanced at her wrist. It was frail. White. Pale. Tiny. A single string was around it. A bracelet. It was too big for the small wrist. It was easily slipped on and off. A few weeks ago it had been to small of a bracelet. Dixie inhaled and closed her eyes, she wanted to disappear. To run away to another place. To not live in this lifetime anymore. She wanted out. She wanted death and darkness to come and take her away. To engulf her. She wondered if Jack could help her.

[Jack Rendel S5]

Jack looked at Dix with a raised eyebrow as she stared at him. Why wasn't she speaking? Jack glared at her, fidgeting with his fingers for something to do. Whenever he was uncomfortable, he would always have to fiddle with something. His electric blue eyes watched her closely, looking for something to show she wasn't what she looked to be....almost insane in Jack's eyes. He leaned against the armchair and waited for Dix to do something. Anything. But she just stared. She didn't eat, she didn't even move her lips to speak. Jack's eyebrows almost rose on their own and he became uncomfortable. Why was she not doing anything? His gaze began to flicker from the carpet to Dixie eyes, which made him even more....confused. Why was she looking like she was? Her face was almost gaunt like and her eyes were hollow looking. Jack didn't notice she had written something until Dix handed it to him. By now, he was getting angry and frustrated. What was the matter with her?

He read the letter over and then over again. He glanced at Dix to see that she had her knees pulled up to her chest. Looking back down quickly, he narrowed his eyes. "Padme went to an art academy, I think. Tessa sent her there because she has a certain artistic talent and can make some money off her talents if they are polished up a bit. She won't be back for a while. Not even Tessa is sure when she'll return yet. She doesn't write letters or anything. I don't know what got in to her. What do you need to talk to her about?" Jack added, his narrowed bright eyes fixed on Dix like a spot-light. His mind whirred with different thoughts on the matter; about what it could possibly be. Padme wouldn't understand what Dix was doing to herself now, knowing her. Jack gazed at Dix closely, close enough to see her lips, which looked in terrible condition. Getting up, he walked over to the cupboards and got a glass out, filling it with cold water. He brought it to the couch and gave it to Dix, wondering if she would ignore it just like the chips. It was ice-cold water and it would fell good drinking it on her lips.

"I don't have any chap-stick with me at the moment, but if you want, I can try to find some." he offered, thoroughly disgruntled. It made him angry that Dix wasn't acting normal. Where was Mack too? He looked out the window, half expecting her to be standing there, waiting to be let in. But no one was there; it was just Dix and Jack. He didn't even now Dixie well enough to ask her what was going on. But he did now Mack and the way she talked about Dix....He swallowed and retreated to his part of the couch, the part farthest from Dixie. He raised an eyebrow, expecting her to talk at any moment. He, however, wasn't done questioning her. "Is it something about your family, Dix? Mack? Your mother? You can tell me. I know about your...er....living conditions." he smiled in an almost gentle way, but was really quite frustrated. Surely she would talk sometime soon...

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

Chapstick. The word rolled around in her head. Subconsciously her teeth bit her bottom lip, and she licked at the cracked skin. She wouldn't put chapstick on her lips if it were to save her life. Some how it made her feel like she was still alive. Oddly enough. She would chew her lip, and it would bleed- and she knew she was living. It was some form of self-mutalation. Dixie knew this, but she wouldn't stop. It probably made her look horrible, but for once in her life she didn't care. Dixie looked at Jack, her brown eyes penetrating. They seemed almost icy, as if they could shatter you into a million pieces if she stared long and hard enough. He had asked what she needed to speak to Padme about. Why would she tell him? She didn't know him. And the little she did know of him wasn't very flattering.

But Dixie needed to talk to someone, and here he was- willing to listen. Who was she to shove him out and leave him hanging? He was probably the only other person out there who would actually listen to her story. Dixie bit her lip again, the ice water still in her hands. Chilling her skin. Making her bones seem to frost over. She put the glass to her lips and drank slowly. The cool liquid caressed her throat...healed those cracks in her mouth. Her tongue was no longer thick, and she enjoyed the soothing effect it had on her. The glass felt good against her lips, it chilled them so it made them less chapped- but still..she didn't want to sit there holding a glass of water to her lips. Dixie lowered the glass and looked at Jack before quickly looking away.

"Is it something about your family, Dix? Mack? Your mother? You can tell me. I know about your...er....living conditions." Dixie's eyes shot upward and she matched her stare with Jack's. Mack. That little whench. Dixie bit her bottom lip and then opened her mouth. And for the first time in days she said, "He's dead." Her voice sounded hoarse from not speaking in so long and it hurt her throat to use those muscles she hadn't used in weeks. Immediately she brought the glass of water to her lips and drank it, she needed the nourishment to keep herself from completely not talking. Maybe she should explain. Mr. Holden wasn't really dead. He just...was dead to her. Dixie pulled her knees closer to her, "He's dead to me. Daddy is. He doesn't want to be part of their lives. But he wants to be part of mine. Wants me to live with him. Only me."

[Jack Rendel S5]

Jack's eyebrows rose skyward as Dixie finally spoke. It had taken a while; she hadn't replied to his questioning about chap-stick or anything else for the matter, but yet she was saying he's dead. Jack frowned. He didn't know a he. Mack, Dix and their mother. It didn't make sense. Dix was taking a drink of water, for her voice sounded simply terrible. Jack swallowed and fought to keep his expression rather blank. It must have looked paler though, he couldn't hide that factor. Death was something he often evaded talking about or seeing. He didn't know anyone dead in the Holden family; wouldn't Mack have told him? Dixie was now talking, explaining. What she said was more to add to the confusion.

Jack remained very still after she was done speaking, his eyes calculating. It then dawned on him slowly. Mr. Holden had left the rest of the Holden family. He knew that. He wanted Dixie. He didn't know that. Jack bit his bottom lip. He wasn't a good problem solver. Maybe he had leaned to much on Mack for that effect. Now, Dix was without a Padme, who would hardly understand either. She didn't know what it felt like. Jack knew. He had been torn in two between his mother and father once. And it was not pleasant. No wonder Dix was in this state. "So your saying that he wants you with him only? That he's given up on his true family?" Jack licked his lips after tasting those last few words. Had Derrek Holden ever had a true family? From how Mack talked, it sounded like he was always having some sort of affair with someone. Especially that one which resulted in the little girl....

"Is he trying to persuade you to go with him?" Jack asked dryly, his throat sticking to the roof of his mouth. He could understand this, it was all so complex but since he had been through it....Of course, he hadn't gone through it at Dixie age. He had only been around six when they separated. Since Dix was older and more wise, it would be harder for her to let go. In either direction for that matter. He almost reached out to Dixie's glass of water so he could have a sip. It appeared to have done wonders to her. She was speaking. That was a good thing. For how long though? For how long until she became mute once more? Jack couldn't stand it if that happened. It would cause for an out-burst and boiling frustration. Not something he felt like letting loose on this weak Dixie. He frowned at her, which seemed to make a hundred frowns in one day. "Dixie...." he cut off his vocal cords. There was nothing to say. He couldn't amount to the pain that must be tearing her in half. She looked like it. Jack quivered a little. Dix needed hope. But where could she find hope from someone who was afraid what the next day would bring? Then, all of a sudden, he found it.

"Dixie, you need to be strong. In this state, what's going to happen to you? Are you just going to let yourself become a piece of garbage? By then, no one would want you. You're destroying yourself. Do you think that's smart? Clever? Well, let me tell you this, Dixie Holden, it will not help you in any way whatsoever! If anything, it will make you so weak you can't fend for yourself. You have to make the decision. Don't just lay in bed, thinking the world will stop spinning because the life that you built is crashing down on you. The world will go on, whether you're a part of it or not. Derrek could take a hold of you whenever he felt like it. How do you think that would make your mother feel? Mack? How would it make you feel? It's not right what your doing Dixie. It's your life. Don't let other people control it!" Jack glared at her long and hard. He had almost shouted these things at her, shaken her, if only she could understand. Instead, he had questioned her calmly, attacked her with quiet fury. It was his way of not relenting in any shape or form. It had to get through.

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

Yelling. No. Not yelling. More like...harsh whispering. He was trying to get her angry. It wasn't going to work. Dixie just watched him. Wondering how on Earth he thought he had the place to tell her what she should and should not do. She was Dixie Holden! The daughter of Derreck Holden, who was probably one of the most powerful men in the wizarding world! Dixie laughed slightly inwardly, that wasn't true and she knew it. But he was her father and she did like to make it appear that he was more important than others in the world of wizards. What Jack was saying made Dixie want to lie down and die. She wasn't doing anything he thought she was. She wasn't lying in her room at night, thinking the world had stopped before her. She knew it hadn't. Because of one simple person. Mackenzie.

Mack had to make Dixie feel worse. Mack had to make Dixie feel like she doesn't belong and that she shouldn't belong. After all these years, Mack was turning into the daughter Derreck Holden had always wanted- the daughter Derreck Holden had until a month or so ago. Mack wasn't the Slyherin with fair points anymore. Mack was the Slytherin with a hard stare and a mean sneer. Dixie blinked back hot tears at that thought and lowered her head. She wanted to say more. To continue talking to Jack, but she didn't. She didn't know what to say. He was telling her she was destroying herself. But in a way she was perserving herself. That's something Jack did not see. Dixie bit her lip again before raising her head to stare at him. The silence was deafening.

Dixie: "You don't understand. No one understands. All they see is me. Tearing myself apart. Looking like some...monster. Mack tries to see. Mum tries to see. But they fail. Mack just claims that I'm worthless and walks off to go somewhere. Mum hides from me. Afraid of what I have become. I hide from them. Afraid of what they think I have become."

The silence had broken but only for a minute. Then Dixie hid her face again, hid the sorrow in her eyes. Jack wouldn't get it. He wouldn't know. All those years Dixie was favoured, all those years of love from Derreck. They never penetrated her. They never got through to her. She took them for granted. And then he left them. Left them in the dirt with nothing and Dixie didn't know if she was upset because she had lsot her father, or upset because she had lost her money. Dixie had been selfish. But a little after, at the club with Jamie. He had been there. And he wanted her to live with him. And Dixie had yelled at him. Saying she didn't want to live with someone who treated her and her mother and sister that way. And it tore Dixie apart to know that she was the one walking away now. It tore her apart knowing that she didn't know her place int he world.

[Jack Rendel S5]

Silence. It had a way to penetrate through the room and into the heart of the person feeling it. Like mist, it clogged Jack's mind and made him feel light-headed. Something was really wrong with Dixie; she just wasn't herself. Jack felt like he had to do something, but from Mack's words, the girl had seemed just plain mean, cruel and ignorant. Jack had no instant desire to meet her but seeing her in such a condition made Jack wonder if Mack had been wrong. Or, if Dix really was like that and was just too spoiled to let life go on. She should have known that the Holden family wasn't the greatest, happiest family the world has ever seen. Jack knew they weren't, just be listening to Mack and meeting the parents at the air-port. They weren't normal, and Dixie and Mack were just getting caught up in it. They had no way to evade it because it was...them.

Jack shrugged mentally. If Dix didn't want his help, fine. If she did...okay. He couldn't help her even if she begged him. He didn't know what to do in a situation like this. Was she drowning in self pity or pity for her family? Pity for the family that could have been? If only she would talk about, break the damn silence that hurt Jack's ears. Strange how silence could do something like that. So quiet yet it made ones' ears pound. Maybe that was because he knew it wasn't a good thing there was silence. Every time Dix closed her mouth he was afraid it would refuse to open again. The water seemed to have helped her with it. Jack knew now that Derrek wasn't dead, just....gone. He was gone. And he wanted Dix to be gone with him. That was it. He hated being the comforter now but there was nothing else he could do at this time. Padme was gone. As was Tessa. He was here, with a strange girl he didn't even know well, trying to see through her problems and into a zone that would light her up. There was no comfort zone though; not one Jack could see though. It was all darkness. The silence was broken by Dixie.

Jack listened. And felt. Something was really wrong with her. She talked about what she had become. How her mother was afraid of her and how Mack thought she was worthless. She made Mack seem like the monster while Mack claimed Dixie the wrong one. Jack was confused but he only wrinkled his brow at this problem. He would jump over this hurtle and leave it far behind. He gazed at Dix, urging her to go on but it seemed she was done and over. Jack shuddered. Why couldn't she just explain in detail? It would make life a whole lot easier, including hers'. Mostly hers. Jack glared at her, clearly agitated. But her words had made a shiver go up through his spine. What did she mean by...."And what is it you've become?"

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

"And what is it you've become?"

What had she become? Was there an exact definition of who she now was or what she was? Dixie closed her eyes in thought. She didn't know if there was any way to describe how she had changed, except to show him. Dixie pulled out her wand and whispered a spell as she did the correct movements, it was then a small image appeared. She knew it all too well. The day she stared at herself in the mirror and then hid away. That mirror was now shattered, little shards of glass on her floor. Dixie watched in horror as the image of her ran into her bed and hid from the world. She rememebered that day. She knew what came next, "Tommy.." Dixie whispered just as the image door opened and in stepped Tom Quincy.

With a wave of her wand another image appeared, the night at the club. Jamie in the car, reaching over for the cd case and Dixie jumping so high she almost hit her head on the roof. Then they were at the club. Dixie dancing- being herself, the fire whiskey raised above her head in a glass bottle. The next was her and her father arguing. With each word, a sting hit Dixie- and slowly tears fell down her cheeks, "I've missed you so much, Dix, so much. Can we talk, please? Honestly talk. One on one?" The salty water stung her lips, but she didn't move to wipe away the tears. "Some? That's the understatement of the year. You've done more than some bad things. You've hurt me, mother, and Mack. Though you might not care about Mack, you still hurt her. You've ruined my life, and those who I care about!" A sob shook her chest. The words she had said to him, those painful thoughts she had thrown at her father- they echoed in her ears. Pounding ever so much, threatening to break her ear drum.

"ALONE?! ALONE?! Liar! We didn't do anything to clutter you! And if alone is what you mean by being with another woman, then I guess you needed to be plenty alone thse past years!" He left then. Dixie remember watching his retreating back. Real life Dixie, let out a shakey breath. One more wave of her wand and it was the last image. The one of Mack yelling at her. The one where she passed out. The one where Jamie came to her rescue. Dixie watched with hurt eyes as Pam asked her gently to get up and eat and bathe. And then winced as Mack yelled at her to get up. Her wrist stung as she watched Mack pull her up rather harshly. They had felt as if they were going to snap. They still did. The image continued until the last thing they saw was Mack leaving the house in a huff. Dixie waved her wand and the screen disappeared. She turned to look at Jack, tears still falling out of her brown eyes.

"I've become my sister..." Dixie said quietly. Many years ago, Mackenzie Holden was abused. She wasn't treated part of the Holden family bloodline. Dixie had the glittering generaity of living the pureblood wealthy lifestyle. Mack did not. Mack had to work for her food and for her clothes. Dixie didn't. Dixie would torment her sister, daily. Calling her names, and purposely ruining something her sister had just fixed or cleaned. She would hit her sister, and yell at her all the time. Especially when Mack was pitying herself. Mack was now the one who taunted. Mack was now the one who hurt Dixie. Dixie was a fragile and lost soul, who didn't have anyone to turn to. Mack was using that to her advantage. And Dixie knew she wasn't going to stop.

[Jack Rendel S5]

Silence. Again. It didn't last very long this time, however. Dixie was soon muttering something under her breath, that Jack just couldn't catch. And soon...something appeared. Jack's eyes widened in awe; was she really reliving her past? He shuddered, he would hate to do such a thing. His past was meant to stay behind him and he had no intentions of bringing it back to memory. Dixie seemed unable to talk about this, so maybe it was a required thing. If she couldn't talk then it was needed. Jack watched as a boy a few years older then himself walked into the door. Dixie whispered his name. Jack gaped. So this was Tommy. He smirked. Mack had mentioned him a few times. Watching him carefully, trying to see where this was leading but then another image appeared. This one was with....Jamie. Jack scoffed with pure hatred. Jamie, whoever, stayed about just as long as Tommy did. The next image was so horribly painstakingly nasty that Jack felt like up-heaving. It was so sickening he wanted to look away. To see Derrek Holden actually trying to persuade his daughter to forgive him wasn't easy to look at, but Jack did it. Dixie had wanted to show him for a reason, right? Might as well see what's wrong with her.

The image of Mack appeared after Dixie's storming at her father. Jack smirked as he watched Mack attempt to drag Dix to her feet. Just like Mack to treat her sister like filth....When Dixie said what she'd become he blanched openly. She was Mack? What was he supposed to read out of this? That she was mistreated or unwanted? He struggled to find a meaning. Dixie was obviously wanted; her father wanted her and he was positive Pam would want her too. He sighed. Did she have to make everything so darn confusing? Leaning back against the couch, staring at the space that had been occupied by the screen. The darkness filled him slowly to the brim, making him struggle to breath. This was strange and wrong. Dixie being the mistreated one? So, did that mean Mack was welcomed with open arms? No, that couldn't be right. Although, Pam must be happy of Mack's talent....Jack chewed his lower lip hard. There was really no explanation to it. What Dix had said could lead up to anywhere; there was so many loop holes in the family. Jack sighed inwardly. And what was he supposed to say to that comment? "It'll be alright, Dixie, don't you worry now." Or something like "now Dix, if I were you I wouldn't continue to go like you are. Everything is alright in the end. Just like a happy ending." That thought was enough to make Jack's stomach churn. Happy endings were only for the end of novels, not for him or most definitely Dix. Life had many surprises and mysterious, but the happy things in the world couldn't even amount to the bad things everywhere. Divorces were just one thing, but custody could be the end of the world for one person and the start for another. Jack's brain was fit to burst. The vision of Mack flashed through his mind again.

"Mack's not taking it well, I suppose? A bit reckless, isn't she?" Jack almost smiled. Mack was always reckless, but pulling up a fragile Dix when the girl couldn't move, that was about as far as you could go. Especially when the girl was her sister. Jack shrugged it off. It was just Mack. She wouldn't do anything bad to hurt her family intentionally. Accidentally maybe, but never on purpose. Dixie seemed rather lost inside her own mind, and the only person that could take her away from her self-pity cocoon. Even Jack couldn't grab her and pull her out of it. It was her job to do that, whenever she felt like it. Which had to be sometime soon, right? He took his mind off of Dixie's strange statement for a bit. His eyes flickered to the fridge and there is stayed. His legs itched to get up and retrieve it, but was that right? It was Mack's sister....wouldn't that be considered a little odd? Jack's mind hesitated and the went into submission. He would get it. Dix needed it more then anyone else he could think of at the moment. If Padme could go to art school, then she couldn't possibly be that depressed.

Standing, he walked over slowly to the fridge and stood on his tip-toes, groping for the golden box. It wasn't made out of real gold, of course, but it looked almost real. It looked dull in the little light there was though. Jack stopped near the doorway and was quite tempted to turn on the light. That, he decided, wouldn't be a smart choice, especially with Dix in the room. It would probably blind her far longer then what it was supposed to. Now, he walked straight toward the lone figure on the couch. He felt strange but what other use could he do with it? Give it to Mack? No, that would be like marrying her. Padme was no where to be found and he wouldn't go through the trouble of keeping it just for her. Dix needed something so why not give it to her? He sat down closer to her and shoved her the box, which held the pure diamond necklace inside, with the small North Star, also made of diamond, at the end of it hung low enough to be beyond the collar-bone, but not too low. That star always held hope for Jack, and he hoped it was the same for Dix. It was a pretty thing, but Jack couldn't just keep it to look at. He gave Dix a blank expression. "Go on. Open it. You can keep what's inside. No one else needs it more then you do at the moment."

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

"Reckless?" Dixie inquired. She lifted her brown eyes to look at Jack's. Reckless. She chewed her lip in thought. Was Mack reckless? Or was she just taking her frustration out on Dixie? Paying her back for the pain Dix had caused her all those years? Mack seemed to be coping with the divorce rather well. Dixie didn't blame her...Derreck Holden hadn't treated Mack like she was ever his child. Maybe that was because Mack was half-blooded, but either way- when the two girls were told about the divorce...Mack was angry and relieved at the same time. While Dix's world was silently crumbling in the background, "Mack's taking it fine..." She whispered. She lowered her eyes to her hands, which were picking at her nail polish. The light pink flakes wafted away. She hadn't even noticed him getting up and retrieving something.

"Why can't you just get your own friends?" Dixie bit her lip. Was she doing exactly what Mack had told her not to? No. She couldn't be. She was only looking for a little guidance. Besides- she had originally come to see Padme, and Jack happened to be there instead. It wasn't like Dixie had planned on talking to him. If one could call what she was doing...talking. Jack reappeared, a box in hand, and took a seat closer to her. He shoved the box into her hands- saying something about her being the person who needs it most. Dixie raised an eyebrow and opened it, letting a quick gasp escape her lips. She quickly shut the lid and shoved it back into his hands, shaking her head; "No..I- I can't take that..." If Dixie had been her normal self, she would have put it on immediately. The necklace was gorgeous...it took her breath away, but she wasn't her normal self at the moment...and she was afraid she would never be.

Dixie grabbed a pillow and placed it in her lap, hugging it, and playing with the tassels on the end. She looked like a little child. One that was lost and alone. One that needed her mother, but didn't know where she was. Dixie needed support. Someone who would be there for her. Someone...anyone. Dixie sighed, her breath shakey, and closed her eyes. She counted to ten backward and then opened them again...Jack was still there. She blinked. Silence again. She was really starting to hate it. It was deafening. Dixie bit her lip; "Mack's changed. Toward me and mum anyway. She's more hostile. More...violent. Have you spoken to her? I think she could use your help more than me...me? I'm a hopeless case. Mack isn't."

Dixie pulled the pillow tighter to her, "I don't think anyone can help me. I think this is something I need to get myself out of. But I don't know how...I need someone to guide me. To support me. But I don't know who..." She was saying this more to herself than to Jack, but she was aware she was saying it aloud. She wasn't a complete loon...yet.

[Jack Rendel S5]

Icy blues watched Dixie as she thought about his description of Mack. He thought it was right. Mack had always been out there, doing her own thing, not listening to anyone else but herself and perhaps her closest friends on occasion. That's what he liked about Mack. One of the many things, in fact. She was her own person and let no one control her. Only her father had held some threat over her, but now he was gone. Dixie was now the...abused? Was that right? He shrugged, trying to fit this in his mind. Dixie, to him, had been a living memorial that showed Mack's suffering. She had been cruel and heartless, but looking t her now, in this pitiful form made Jack had doubts. Had she really been the cruel one? Or, if he had been friends with her instead of Mack, would things have been different from Dixie's prospective? He thought these things over in his head, which hurt from too much thinking in such a small amount of time. He nodded somewhat eagerly when she said Mack was taking it fine. That was all good, right? If only that could make up for Dixie's freaky appearance and thinking.

Leaning back, he waited for Dix to say something. Anything. A gasp escaped her lips when she opened the box, which pleased Jack. Just a show of his extreme wealth....Wait. Why was he acting like this? Pleased? He shrugged it off, letting the feeling slide off like water. Let it go away and never come back. He waited for Dix to put it around her neck but she never did. Instead, she closed the box and refused to take it. Jack took it back in his hands with clear surprise and...anger? "Look, Dixie. I'm not just giving this away. Take it!" He felt like screaming, shouting, waving a sign in front of her face. Didn't she get anything at all? Was she lost in her own world, where she was pitying herself and everyone else? She lived in a fairy land, except it was more nightmarish. Jack glared at her, clearly agitated, but pursed his lips and didn't make a comment. It was silent. He was really beginning to hate the bells that would ring in his ears when nothing was being said. He didn't think of speak, but instead fingered the box in his fingers. The golden outer covering was appealing, as well as the diamonds on the necklace. How could Dixie resist such a thing of beauty? Even Jack liked it, and he wasn't one for jewelry. He frowned and held it toward him, trying to think of ways to persuade Dixie to take it for her own. By now, he was convinced Padme didn't need it. Dixie did. When Jack made up his mind, it was nearly impossible to change. Stubborn. Yes, that described him well. He glared, nearly possessed with frustration as Dixie began to say she was lost and needed a guide. He barely heard the part about Mack, he was boiling to loud to be heard. He was sure that steam nearly came out of his ears.

"Dixie! Get a hold of yourself! Don't you realize moping around isn't going to help you? Can't you see that you aren't helping anyone around you? If you die, how do you think the people you left would feel? Guilty? Ashamed? Think of what you're doing to everyone around you Dixie. Being Melancholy isn't going to do anything but spread it through your family, making everyone feel like they're worthless. But all of you are not! The Holden family are pure bloods, all of you!" Not Mack, but she might as well be. He didn't add this to it, thinking it not wise to bring up Derrek's past affairs. "If you run away, are you just going to leave Mack? Your mother? Maybe they look up to you. Maybe they lean on you some too. You're abandoning your family. Don't you feel ashamed at what you're doing Dixie? Where's your pride, your self-confidence? Pull yourself together!" He jumped up and shook her by the shoulders, losing what little control he possessed before yelling at her. "Damn you and your silly notions! Running away isn't going to help you Dixie. Why can't you see that? Everyone else can!"

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

He was screaming at her. Shaking her. Dixie suppressed a shriek of surprise as she listened to Jack. She felt more tears fall from her eyes. It wasn't supposed to be like this! Suddenly, Jack was wrenched away from her and pushed against a wall. Dixie looked up, startled, at the image before her. Jamie held Jack against the wall, his arm crushing Jack's chest. Jamie looked from Jack to Dixie. He had followed her. Dixie stood up slowly, and grabbed Jamie's arm; pulling him away lightly. It didn't take too much. Jamie was at the point of doing anything for Dixie. She collapsed into the couch again...feeling suddenly light-headed as Jamie stared at Jack with a very deadly glare. She chewed her lip...waiting for someone to say something.

Her lip started to bleed, but she didn't care. She continued to chew on it. The sweet metallic blood flowing into her mouth. It tasted weird...but she didn't mind. Her eyes watched as Jamie took a stance behind her, his arms crossed. She was rudely reminded of a body-guard. She laid her head against the couch before saying with a shakey breath; "What are you doing here Jamie?" Jamie looked at her, surprised. What was he doing here? He had gotten a call from Mack, saying Dixie hadn't been in bed when she had gone in there to get something...and he assumed she would be heading to Padme's house. Mack gave him the address...and he found it. But...still...why was he there? Did he care for Dix? Or was it something else?

"Bloody hell Jamie! WHY ARE YOU HERE?! DID YOU THINK YOU CAN BE...." She stopped herself. She looked at Jack. Then sunk lower in her seat. She was shutting up now. That pain was going to be buried deeper into her. She wasn't going to speak any longer. Dix closed her eyes...and felt herself drift away to another place, a kind of paradise. Where the sun was always shining and the birds were always singing. Where everything was right, and nothing was wrong. Dixie let that place engulf her...and become her. She didn't want to leave. It was her new home.

[Jack Rendel S5]

Jack shook Dix harder and harder as seconds ticked by, his rage suppressing to the extreme. In his heated attack, he was smashed against the wall by none other then Jamie. His eyes widened like a deer in headlights. His muscles ached for more, since he hadn't finished with Dixie. His chest throbbed with pain as he put pure hatred in his electric eyes, more then he had ever managed to put in. They must have looked nearly on fire, lighting the room up with his rage. He struggled with Jamie, but he was stronger then Jack. Older and better, he had to admit, but that didn't mean he could attempt to try. He was forced to give up hope when Dixie got off up the couch and pulled Jamie away from him. Jack blanched before putting on a hideous smirk that twisted his normally handsome face.

The right words to say. What were they? Dix was speaking, her lips were moving, but nothing came out that reached Jack's ears. Nothing of importance. He was nearly shaking with fury. Did the two of them actually think he could just swallow his rage after getting started? He was unstoppable once he got his mind on it. Jamie seemed surprised. Fool. He was in Jack's house (close enough), an intruder, barging in and attacking Jack for no real reason. Dix started shouting. Jack screamed nearly as loud, if not louder, getting his point across. "Go to hell!" Jack screamed at Jamie. "And right now, that means to get out of my house, dammit!" Jack was nearly bursting with more ugly words, but stopped to catch breath. He glared with fire at Jamie before thrashing out to attack him. Hit him. Whatever he could reach. Jack aimed for the head, but somehow managed to attack the shoulder inside. His hurled his fist into Jamie's color-bone area, as hard as he could.

"Now get out!" He shrieked at Jamie, backing off in case it called for another wild attack on the boy he had loathed for a long time. "GET OUT! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN! Can't you see Dixie's lost? She needs to be brought back by force, not by some 'super man' like you apparently are. Stop living in fairy-world, Jamie. Live is hell! When will you people come to recognize this!?"

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

Dixie rocked back and forth as Jamie and Jack argued. The voices. They melted into her new world. They melted into Kurr. In her world, the grass was always green...flowers always stayed bloomed...the sun never set and when it did the moon was full. Dixie walked around barefoot, but of course in Kurr...she wasn't known as Dixie Holden. She was Manuella Jalon. A pretty peasant who had to spend her days working on a farm...and nights she masqueraded as a princess. Dixie rocked back and forth as Jamie and Jack argued. She didn't hear anything now. They disappeared and they did not exist.

---

The blow was stunning. It hurt him. But he regained composure fast enough to use his left arm to pin Jack against the wall again, "Listen! I don't care what you want me to do, I don't care if you hate me, and I don't care if you are the relative of this owner's house. I don't care! You need to get over whatever you have pent up inside of you because it isn't helping anyone...not Dixie and not yourself. Dixie is a fragile soul, Jack! You can't shake the hurt out of her! She needs reconciliation! But I wouldn't expect some foolish naive boy who doesn't know one thing from the next to know that..you don't know Dixie, and you don't know what she needs..." Jamie didn't say this in a loud tone as Jack had. He simply breathed out these words, but with accents.

"Now, I am going to release you. You can either be civil toward me...or I can take Dix and we can leave. Which is it going to be?" Jamie leaned Jack harder, putting more pressure on the boys chest so he was smooshed between the wall and Jamie. His eyes sparkled with malice. His brown hair fell into his slightly and he let loose on the pressure a little bit so Jack could sputter out a response. Jamie noticed the little motion of Dixie rocking back and forth on the couch..but took no concern in it. She was already gone...and he knew it. But Jack didn't.

[Jack Rendel S5]

Rabid. That's what he was. Drunk by rage. He looked nearly as insane as Dixie did, rocking back and forth, looking helpless but yet somewhat pleased. Jack's eyes avoided her. He wasn't sure if he was really doing the right thing, but Jamie had to be in the wrong. He had to be! Jack was right, he was always right. Why couldn't they tell? Jack bit his tongue from lashing out, picturing Padme, not letting people say one word in the matter. He didn't want to be like his sister, but at the same time, he wanted to hurt Jamie with cunning and agility....Suddenly, he found himself pinned against the wall, again. He held what little poise he had in such a position. Jack smirked at the boy. "Yes, I'm sure you know everything there is to know about Dixie." He said with a with a smile with sarcasm that was so heavy, it seemed to be in the air. "After all, Dixie is the one you ran to when you and Mack had that fight about yours truly. It's actually sickening. It's like a baby running to his mother. You ran to Dixie, Mack's sister, planning to be best-friends? What were you trying to do? Make Mack jealous? Or can't you live without a guide, a person to lean on?" Jack let out a laugh, as well as he could do in his condition. His words had slurred together slightly, since he was breathless from lack of breathing. Damn Jamie! Always having to get in the way....

"Release me then! I don't give a damn what you do with Dixie. She's not even on this Earth anymore. I don't know why you worry about her. She's gone for good. Can't you see that she doesn't want to come back? Just because her dad loves her more then Mack and Mrs. Holden. She's stupid! Selfish! She can't think for herself! She could handle this like a woman, but instead she's over there, rocking back in forth like she belongs in a hospital for retards." Jack's eyes iced over completely, appearing glaciers. He didn't mean it. He had to hide that fact. He wanted something to sting, to hurt, to poke at Jamie. He glared with complete contempt at Jamie while waiting for him to let go of the tight hold he had.

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

Jamie stepped away from Jack with an upraised eyebrow, "You really don't know anything about the Holden's and my history do you?" He smirked. This was interesting and a bit amusing, if it weren't for the fact that he had brought up Mack. That ticked Jamie off.He was over that. He was over the fact Mack had to choose an arrogant arse over him and he was over the idea that Mack could ever be his best-friend again. Jamie had moved on; "Making Mack jealous was out of the question! She was too bloody wrapped up in you to notice me hanging out with Dixie half as much as I was!" Jamie snarled as he picked up a weird looking trinket sitting on a table. He tossed it in the air between his hands.

"I didn't run to Dix for anything. Dixie and I...we have a complicated history. Just like Mack and I do. The only difference...I could never keep up with Mack's changes. Her depressions, her attitudes toward life. It was always so tiring. Honestly? I am in awe at how you can do it...she is too dramatic for me. Dixie...she has problems, but she doesn't let them show like Mack does. She won't break down unless completely necessary. She isn't crying and disappearing because her father loves her more than her mother and her sister, she's crying for a different reason. And you wouldn't know anything about it because I'm the only one she has told! So before you jump to conclusions on whether or not I know what Dixie needs, I suggest you take a look at what I know about her compared to what you have heard."

Jamie looked at Dix. The little girl who she was, was shining through brilliantly. HIs eyes softened a bit, but hardened once he turned his direction toward Jack; "You want to continue to assume this is about you and Mack, go ahead! It's not! This is about Dixie, Mr. Holden, and the abuse that went on in the Holden house! YOu want to stand around like a pathetic little child who is ignorant to the true horrors of the world- go ahead, but do it somewhere else! Meanwhile, if you want to shut up and be a man...help me take her into the kitchen...she needs food." Jamie pulled Dixie up slowly, and pulled her into his arms. She draped her arms around his neck and fell limp.

[Jack Rendel S5]

Jack blinked a few times, knocked to surprise. He narrowed his eyes at Jamie. "I think I know more then you think about the Holden's." He replied although he felt like he was missing something. Jamie had to know more then he did, since he had been there throughout Mack's life. He was almost a part of the family, a place Jack could never occupy. His narrowed eyes became mean slits as the electric blues swiveled around to glance at Dix once more. She was starting to worry him now. Rocking back and forth endlessly. It just wasn't normal. Jack hesitated before facing toward Jamie once more, his eyes showing small depression. "I'm sorry if I hurt your fragile pride by saying that." Sarcasm rattled through his voice as he glanced hard at Jamie's face. "Mack will notice that you're taking in her sister because you can't have her." Jack smirked at him with a nasty curl of his upper lip. His anger was slowly simmering down to the bottom of his stomach as he silently sat down in the armchair. His feet crossed at the ankles after he leaned back in the chair, but his pose held some royalty and wealth in it. He always looked this way, whether sprawled on a chair or throwing a fit. His eyes flickered on Jamie.

"Yes, I'm sure your life has been terrible. From what I've heard, you've been some sort of favorite. Special to the Holden's....just like a son! You were treated better then Mack even. It wasn't about Mack then, you were just flipping head-over-heels for her. You couldn't even get past your selfish notions.This - like then - isn't about Dixie." He crossed his arms over his chest and glared steadily at Jamie. "Sure you can't. I only can because I can try to understand her and have something in common!" He replied succinctly, his voice cold with a razor sharp edge to it. "What I know about Dixie? I've heard a lot, and I too hope it's all wrong, since most of it wasn't pleasant for her.Oh, and of course you know everything about Dixie. I'm sure she trusted you with everything, whispering secrets in your ear. Funny how you can go so swiftly from Mack to Dix....But you're right, it's not about me and Mack. It's all about you, isn't it? Everything revolves around you."

Jack watched, disturbed, as Dixie hung onto Jamie's neck. She must be weaker then she let on before. His eyes widened slightly and he stood up, ignoring Jamie's last words that clearly agitated him. "I'll go get her food. It's obvious she'll need to be carried into the kitchen, so might as well not put that much effort into nothing. We can make her something and bring it to her. Will she choke on peanut-butter? I'm sure Padme has some of that in stock. She eats it all the time..." Jack went into the kitchen, stopping at the door to look back at Jamie with frustration. "Come on. You can help me. I don't want to kill her accidentally. I wouldn't be surprised if she can't chew and swallows things whole." Jack glared at him before turning sharply and stalking into the kitchen, getting out the needed ingredients for making a Peanut-butter and jelly sandwich.