Undercover Once Again (Friends/Anyone)

[Maryn Livley]

Maryn stumbled pulling her trunk to her side. She glanced at the dorm around her. Nothing was the same as it had been for the past year. Everyones things were gone and the room was completely. Maryn's eyes were drawn to the bed where she had spend much of her time over the year. She did her homework there, dreamed there, cried there, wrote letters there. Maryn thought back to the memories. The good and the bad. This past year had changed Maryn. She grew much stronger as an individual even though she failed to admit it. Maryn's third year was now gone as well as her wimpy self. She would miss it. Maryn wasn't a big fan of change but she knew it had to come every now and then. Maryn would be a fourth year in a matter of months. She would face new challenges and new fears. But, Maryn felt a little bit prepared even though she didn't know where that came from. Maryn's life had changed and the year had past. It was coming down hard on Maryn. Suddenly, she dropped her trunk and the cage in her hand that held her owl, Morgen. She walked towards the window. Maryn just had to look at the view for one more time for the year. Her gaze went past the Black Lake and the surrounding mountains. She stood there for a moment tracing the landscape with her eyes. Finally, Maryn turned and walked to her trunk. She picked it up along with Morgen and left without looking back. She flinched as the door slammed. It was time to move on.

Maryn sat in a carriage alone taking her to Hogsmeade Station. She already had her muggle clothes on. Maryn would be going home for a few days so she could get the rest of her stuff together and some things washed by her mum. She would then make sure Casey was okay before going to the hospital. Maryn would stay with her sick brother, Nathan for the summer. Nate had just been diagnosed with leukemia. He was a muggle born so there wasn't anything magical that could be done. Maryn was sad, of course she was her brother could die, but she had hope. She had hope he could pull through. Nate had awhile before he had to worry. He was about to go through his first chemo treatment and he would loose his hair. But, Nate didn't care. She just wanted this cancer to be gone. Maryn would remain strong for Nate, she had to. Maryn's eyes trailed the path she was being pulled down. She heard that centaurs pulled the carriages, but Maryn couldn't see them. She had never whitenesses a murder. Maryn couldn't even think about it or it made her shiver. Within hours, she would be home. Maryn would become the muggle her again. She would be forced to fake her life again with her friends and neighbors. Maryn hated faking it.

Maryn hesitated entering the train. She hadn't made arrangements with any of her friends before hand, but she hope they would join her. If not, Maryn hope someone friendly would be seated with her. She wasn't in the mood for a rude Slytherin to cross her path at the moment. Maryn's luggage had already been taking to the luggage cart on the train and so had Morgen. Maryn winced staring at the path that marked the train. Where to sit? Maryn had been in the very back of the train during the attack on the train in September. That was in the past for her, but Maryn still thought about it sometimes. She finally decided that a spot in the middle of the train would suit her best. Maryn made her way and found an empty compartment. She took her seat by the window. Suddenly, a gust of wind oddly hit her and Maryn closed the window even though she didn't know why it was opened. Maryn then pulled her thin jacked closer to her. It was warm outside but Maryn loved the feeling of cloth on her skin. She was just wearing her old jeans with pink and yellow laired shirts along with her pink flip flops. Of course, her thin white jacket tied the looked together for her. She would be with muggles again all too soon and she had to look the part. Maryn sat back in her seat and just waited for someone to come claim a seat in her carriage.

[leon]

Leon glanced around his room for the final time. His familiar four-poster, his friend’s four-posters, his special window where he often looked out of in the night. He smiled, remembering one night when he had been caught. Due to the fact that looking out of the window with a weird, wistful look on your face in the middle of the night was slightly odd, he had merely said to the laughing Ravenclaw boys that questioned him that he was letting out a spider. Which they laughed at anyway, and Leon joined in for the sake of it. He had been thinking, that recent night, about going home. What would his parents greet May and him with? A hug, a kiss, a huge grin? Presents? Or maybe the same as Leon had always received- a small smile, a comment about how he should’ve tried harder in his grades. Leon could live through that- he was used to it. But he wasn’t sure how he supposed May would take it. His little sister was going now into her second year and it made Leon smile as he saw her progress. With a start, he realised that he shouldn’t be the one doing that- the Harrow parents should. Leon remembered a time when they did; before Matt was born.

The thought of his horrible brat of a younger brother made him scowl. Matt had ruined everything. The family relationship- everything. When Leon was in his first year Matt had been born and although May sent him many a letter complaining about the new baby and the fuss he received, Leon tutted at her selfishness and couldn’t wait to see Matt. When he returned home for the holidays he found out that May was right- his parents focused every minute of their lives on Matt. May needed new shoes- but no, Matt had puked on his old blanket and they needed a new one- that would come first.
The only time Matt had done anything good was in the last holiday. Flo had visited and brought with her Tim, her annoying brother. Before they had even stepped through the door Matt had puked all over Tim- causing fits of laughter from Flo and Leon, and fretful apologies from Leon’s mother. Thinking of Flo made Leon grin. She was probably his best friend- along with Maryn and Cougar and that lot. She always cheered him up and the two were fabulous friends. She had already promised to visit him in the holidays, much to the joy of Katie-May. Stuffing the last pair of boxer shorts into his suitcase Leon smiled at the room one last time before leaving for the train.

The hustle and bustle of the area around the train made Leon smile too. He adored Hogwarts- and at each step there was one of the pupils or teachers who smiled and waved at him. Once on the train Leon headed for the middle section- where there was most likely less of the business. He glanced through the windows on the doors, looking for either an empty compartment or someone he recognised. He found the latter with a huge grin.
“Maryn!” He said happily, opening the door and setting his bags on a shelf. He hadn’t seen Maryn in a while and always loved spending time with her. He knew that her brother had leukaemia and felt he knew how his friend was feeling. When may was ill constantly throughout her childhood he was always trembling with anxiety, always sending post back home for more news about his little pixie of a sister. So he could relate to how Maryn was feeling. Giving the Gryffindor a hug he sat opposite her and looked into her eyes. “How are you? And how is he?” He asked gently with feeling. She would know who he meant. Although Leon hadn’t personally met Nate he had heard great things about him from his sister and knew he was a good guy.

[Maryn Livley]

Maryn smiled as Leon walked into the compartment. She hadn't seen him in awhile. Maryn hugged him back. "Hey." She said happily. Lately, Maryn had been a bit isolated from her friends, but that of course was her fault. She had been getting to know her fellow Gryffindors lately also. The small amount of Maryn's time that was spent with people, were Gryffindors. Of course, lately Maryn just sat in her dorm room alone thinking. She had practiced her ballet alot which was something she hadn't done in a long, long time. She had a lot of time to read and write, but that's how her last few fourth year days were spent. Maryn smiled as Leon sat across from her. She was glad he had come to her compartment. If anyone could cheer her up, it was Leon. Maryn knew he had faced a very similar situation when May was younger. He had told her about May's constant sickness as a child at the Halloween Ball. Maryn knew the only person she could really relate to was Leon and she was glad that he was with her today. How had Maryn been lately? Well, not Maryn, but did she really want to say that out loud? Hmm, Leon would understand. Maryn just knew he would. She looked out the window for a moment wondering how she would answer those questions.

After a moment, Maryn gave up thinking of what to say and she just let the words fall. "Umm, not great." She said calmly. Maryn wasn't sure how Leon had found out about Nate. She hadn't told him, but news traveled fast at Hogwarts. Especially to fellow third years. Besides, everyone knew their was something wrong with Maryn. They knew her not smiling was a sign. They just knew. Maryn looked at Leon. "Nate is good as far as I know." She said thinking back to the letters. "Mum sent me a few letters telling me about it. He's in the hospital now and will have his first chemo treatment in a few days." She nearly whispered. Maryn had gotten a bit better since she first heard the news, but it was still hard talking about it. "Nate is strong though. I'm sure he's been laughing the whole situation off." Maryn looked at Leon. She wondered how it must have felt for him when May was sick. Maryn knew the family still feared her safety. May was such a happy child, that it was hard to tell she had ever been real sick. Maryn wished Nathan would be that lucky. She wished he could go home and everything would be normal. She wished that sometimes he would have bad days when the cancer acted up, but life would be normal for him. But, Maryn knew that not all wished come true.

Maryn's eyes traced out the window. The train would be leaving shortly. She really didn't want to lave Hogwarts that much, but she did want to see Nathan. She would have a few days before she would see him and stay with him, but Maryn could get past those days easily. Maryn gave Leon a small smile. If there was anyone Maryn could trust right now, it was him. She took a deep breath. "Leon, will it get any easier?" She asked calmly. Maryn hoped for the answer she wanted, but she didn't know what he would say. It had to be hard to watch that happy little girl be sick. Just like it would be hard for Maryn to watch her strong little brother be sick. Nathan was the best brother Maryn could ask for. He fully supported Maryn after he found out she was a witch. Nathan demanded that Maryn get him all sorts of books about Hogwarts, Wizard History, the Dark Lord, and so much more. Plus, every summer Maryn would give Nate her textbooks from the previous year. He would study them even though he could do any of the spells. Nate loved learning new things. And when Maryn forgot spells, he usually remembered. It was comical, but this is one of the things that made maryn and Nate so close. Maryn couldn't stand to see him hurt, but now she would. Maryn stared at Leon waiting answers.

[leon]

Leon watched, worriedly, as Maryn hesitated to answer. He hoped she would answer with full honesty- many people he knew would say different things to what their eyes said for them. Maryn spoke and Leon nodded. He knew exactly how she felt. When May had been ill in his second year Leon couldn’t give words to say how he felt. He was of course sad as much as one could be sad, but he also felt… lost. Sitting on the train opposite one of his best friend’s right then, that was the only word he could find that even came close to how he had felt. When people asked him how he was, he just got annoyed and ended up moody. He knew that was the wrong way to act but still did it, even though it annoyed both him and the others around him. He only felt happy when with May, beside her bed. Even when she was asleep for days on end he would still feel better beside her and not away.

Leon nodded. He felt that although she felt worse than she gave away, she merely didn’t want to say anything more. He knew that feeling- it was stupid for a boy to cry. Embarrassing, humiliating. Leon never said too much about his baby sister in front of people, fearing he may shed a tear or more. “I can understand that. Would it help,” he hesitated slightly. “Would it help if I came up one time, while you’re in hospital? If you think I’ll just get in the way and make it worse then ignore it. Don’t say yes unless you’re completely sure, otherwise I’ll fell terrible…” He wavered. He hated that feeling too- people constantly wanting to try and comfort you, but all you wanted to do was to go and be with your sick loved one. He wondered if his relationship between he and Maryn was close enough for him to start making such suggestions. He knew that with Flo he would demand that she let him come and look after her if he brother were so ill, and he wouldn’t take no for an answer. Though then again, it would be very unlikely that Flo would need looking after if her brother Tim fell sick. Maybe need help clearing up after the party, but not comfort help no way.

Leon was slightly startled at her next question, and wiped the thought about their closeness from his mind. They didn’t have a relationship like Flo and Leon had; it was more heartfelt, more thought than action. He pondered the question for a moment, before answering as truthfully as he could without setting her feelings lower.
“It depends how you act. There were times…” He paused for a moment mid-sentence. He never, ever talked about those hard times he’d been through with anyone, not even May herself. “times when things were so bad we thought she wouldn’t make it.” He stared out at the window, fixing his eyes on a set point and not looking away from it. “And in those times I would make things difficult for everyone. I’d be depressed and for a while I didn’t eat much… it made things harder for my parents and my friends. It got them down and made things more difficult when I needed comfort. So my advice is to… to be optimistic whenever you can, so people around you don’t feel unwanted. It may get better… and it may not. But it most likely will and you have to be ready for it.” He stopped talking abruptly and looked into her hazel green eyes, wondering what he’d just said and if it made any sense at all.

[Maryn Livley]

Maryn looked at Leon. She gave a small smile. He was her friend and Maryn knew that Leon was one of the only people she could relate to right now. She needed him more than she would ever admit, but she did need him. Maryn eyed him curiously. She didn’t know exactly what his past was like. She didn’t know exactly know how he felt when May was sick, but she knew that some of her feeling had to relate to him. Maryn looked at him. She shrugged. “I don’t know if it will help, but I want you to come. I really do.” She said thoughtfully. Maryn couldn’t recall herself ever being this honest. Maryn didn’t lie; she just didn’t let the exact truth be known. She just kept it to herself usually. Maryn had a very good way of keeping a smile on her face no matter the situation, but not now. Not anymore. Maryn just couldn’t force herself to be that way anymore. Right now, the complete truth worked for her. She didn’t care what people said about her thoughts, but if they asked they would hear the truth. The whole and complete truth. Maryn looked at Leon. She could relate to him more than anyone now, but Maryn still felt like no one could truly relate because no one would ever be able to.

Maryn looked at Leon as he searched for an answer for her question. It was a difficult one, but Maryn knew he could answer. She and Leon were different together. They were so much alike and yet there was so much unsaid. Maryn was just that sort of person. She had too much to hide. There was much for her to keep from people especially her friends. Maryn had too much emotional baggage. She felt as if all of it was meant to be unsaid, but not this. Maryn had to talk about this because if she didn’t then she would be in trouble. Then her head would get the best of her and she wouldn’t be able to handle her thoughts. Maryn needed to talk more than anything. She looked at Leon as he explained. It all made since, but Maryn didn’t want it to. She knew she needed to talk, but Maryn wished they weren’t. She wished this whole conversation didn’t have to happen and that all could be better again. She wished she could back to being the bad big sister, the rebel, the happy girl, and the bearer of good news. Maryn wanted all of that back, but it wouldn’t happen. Even if Nate got better, nothing would be the same. Maryn knew all of this, but she wished that she didn’t have to know it.

Maryn looked at Leon. She nodded. She understood it all. It all made since, but Maryn hated hearing it. It just made everything seem so real. Maryn knew reality wouldn’t completely hit her until she saw Nate, but it would hit her soon enough. Leon was right and Maryn knew it. He said something about Maryn having to be ready if things didn’t turn out alright. She wanted to cry. She wanted to go in the corner, be a baby and let her heart out, but she could. Maryn held in the tears. She shook her head when Leon got to the part. “It’s going to be alright.” She said trying to force a smile. “It will. It will. It has to be!” Maryn yelled. She couldn’t do this. She wasn’t supposed to act like this. This wasn’t her. Maryn looked down shaking her head and letting a tear fall. She looked back up at Leon ashamed she was crying, but she couldn’t stop the tears. It was all coming back. These were tears she had been holding since the Train Attack. They were mostly tears of Nathan, but tears of fear were there too. She was afraid, she wasn’t brave, and she wasn’t strong. Maryn just wasn’t. She knew she wasn’t. Why was she in Gryffindor? She couldn’t handle this. Maryn eyes met with Leon as the tears fell softly. “I’m not ready.” She said finally

[leon]

Leon tried to smile as she agreed to him coming over, and he was happy; he was. But she seemed so sad that he was unsure that he could be able to help in the end. He remembered more thoughts from the times when May was sick and winced inside. He’d remembered one feeling; waiting for something to happen. It was all too familiar in the end; he’d often get called away from Hogwarts when her sickness came up again, but once they found out what it was (the same all the time) he was sent back without getting to see her results. He came back in the holidays and she was fine again, and there were of course those times when her sickness was at a time when he was able to visit for a long period. In all those times he remembered the routine getting to him. When she wasn’t ill, he was always expecting her to get ill and couldn’t ever be safe from the haunting thought of it. He was cautious around her in case she was struck with her sickness suddenly. When she was ill he was always waiting for it to finish, as it always did, and then when there were those few moments when he feared that she wasn’t going to get better, he was still waiting for something to happen. What, he didn’t know. But something.

He watched as she thought it through and badly wanted to comfort her, though he didn’t know how to. He wasn’t good with this kind of thing, comfort and all that. When it was May who was upset it was fine; he could always make her laugh and get her out of the sad mode. When she shook her head he leant forwards slightly, wanting to help her. He knew, or at least he thought he knew, what she was going through. It was similar; Nate had a death-chance illness, as did May. The only difference that Leon could currently think of was that May’s was unknown for the first four years of her sickness time, while Nate had a certainty in his own illness. When Maryn shouted, Leon wasn’t surprised; it was obvious she had to let things out. And when the tears came, Leon wasn’t sure what to do. He wondered what May would say, and then thought immediately of Flo for some reason. He knew exactly what she would say. ‘Comfort her you damn fool!’ the words came to Leon’s mind and he almost smiled, until he noticed how odd that would’ve looked.

He rose from his side and sat next to Maryn, looking at her with what he hoped was a comforting small smile. He settled his right arm around her right shoulder warmly as he spoke in a calming tone, holding her to him slightly. He confirmed what Flo and May always teased him with; he had a small crush on Maryn. But he kept the small, comforting embrace to obviously friendly only. “You will be ready. Don’t worry about this; I can tell you haven’t cried in ages. This is a great way of getting rid of the tension you should know. When I was angry or upset I’d break things; your way is far cheaper. Just let it out, don’t worry. You deserve to be able to do this so don’t hold back, Maryn. You just let it out- it’s what you should do. Crying is good for you anyway, you know that? Not sure why I do” He frowned slightly, smiling at the random fact. Blurting out random things like that wasn’t him; more Flo-style, but he continued speaking, ignoring it. “It’s hard, going through what you are yourself. People won’t understand it but you should let go, let the tension out, like you are now.” He continued with what he hoped were soothing words, knowing that often when people were upset it was easier for them if you spoke, and did nothing but speak. He shook off the thought that he sounded like his mum’s meditation tapes- ‘Breath deep, aaaaand let it out. Free your mind, free yourself of those burdens and tension.’ Before May became constantly ill Leon had laughed at the tapes, but he now understood them.

[Maryn Livley]

Maryn could feel Leon’s embrace, but she didn’t dare move. Her mind was in a tailspin of thoughts, but this was seemed never ending. Maryn was in a pool of thoughts. The emotion had built up inside. Maybe she really did need this. Marybe it would be good for her. However, for the moment the only thing Maryn could think about with Nate. His face just appeared in her mind over and over. He was her brother. Her smart, funny, dorky brother. Life without him seemed impossible, but Maryn knew it wasn’t. She left out a few more tears and didn’t move from Leon’s embrace. She was still in shock for some reason. Maryn’s past just was creping up on her. She couldn’t push away from it either. Maryn’s mind just kept going back to Nathan over and over again. She couldn’t get his image out of her head even though she was trying. Nothing could happen to Nate. Maryn wasn’t ready for Nate to die. She held on to Leon still thinking of her brother. After a minute, Maryn madly pulled away from Leon. However, she had to admit to herself she liked the way it felt when he held her close. Maryn took a step back so she wasn’t far away from him at all. She shook her head slightly. “I’m just too good at holding stuff back for too long, aren’t I?” She asked calmly. Maryn already knew the answer. Later, this was haunt her. She knew that already. Maryn couldn’t let anymore tears go even though Leon told her to. She just couldn’t.

Maryn looked up at Leon. She whipped what was left of the tears from her face. She was sort of in a denial. Maryn knew that, but she wouldn’t say it out loud. Maryn gave a little half smile to Leon. “Maybe in a few years, everything will be back to normal. Maybe I’ll have my little brother back.” She said calmly, but her voice stumbled a bit. “And when that happens I will owe all the strength I could muster up to you.” She said surely. “You know that, right?” Maryn asked Leon looking him straight in the eyes. She wanted to know if he knew how much he had helped her even by her few words. Maryn shook her head lightly. “You’re the only one I can trust Leon.” She said so soft it was barely heard. Maryn let a couple of tears fall. It was hard to admit that fact. Maryn had a crush on Leon, she knew this, but she just admitted something more than a crush. She admitted that no one she thought really helped her besides Leon. That was a hard thing for Maryn to say, but it needed to be said. Maryn heard the things Leon said, but she didn’t comment on them. She just needed to know that he understood her.

Maryn turned around to pick up her bag. She couldn’t stand here anymore. Maryn was embarrassing herself, wasn’t she. Maryn didn’t know how Leon would respond, but she was very much so afraid to know. Maryn threw the bag over her shoulder. She looked at Leon. “I should go.” She said calmly. “I think I’ve dropped enough on you for today. Maybe Rosaliz can be my next victim.” She said giving a small joking. Maryn gave Leon a light hug and then turned to leave the compartment. For some reason, Maryn began humming a song lightly. Actually, the song was named “Only Hope” and it had been one of Maryn’s very favorite songs lately even though the artist was a pop singer by the name of Mandy Moore. Pop wasn’t usually Maryn’s taste in music, but this song just stuck in her head when she first heard about Nate. Maryn hummed the song lightly as she walked to the door. She just stood there unable to open it. She just stood there humming lightly. Maryn couldn’t bring herself to look back at Leon.