Some Unspoken Feelings ((Jack))

[Mackenzie Holden]

"No, Jack! You can't run from him and live without him because you believe he will catch you. Jack, you are able to run. You are able to live without him, you just think that since he's so 'powerful' you can't go anywhere without him knowing. The first step in making sure you can do this, is believing you can. Don't be so pessimistic." She told him with a snap in her tone. She hated when people believed they couldn't, "Can't couldn't do anything. You might as well quit complaining if you don't think you can do it." Mack told him as an after thought. She flicked her bangs out of her eyes and stared at him.

"And just because I was put in Slytherin because of my attitude, doesn't mean that I feel ok about being born from a muggle. I was raised to believe all muggles were filth, all mudbloods needed to die a slow and painful death, and all dirty purebloods needed to rott in hell. If I was indeed, birthed from a...a..non witch, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. But I can't not know! It'll eat me away inside!" She screamed at him, hot tears of anger now pouring down her cheeks. Mack slid to floor and wrapped her arms around her legs, pulling them to her chest in the fetal position; rocking back and forth.

[Jack Rendel S5]

Jack listened to Mack while his anger boiled inside him. How dare she?! Does she think that I haven't even tried to run away?! It doesn't work! I have tried and tried again, and it has never worked. I thought I could too, but now my courage and confidence is running out. I thought Mack could understand me, but she doesn't! She never will either! Jack felt like hitting something, but the only person insight was Mack. Maybe she is right. Maybe she has a point. Another voice said in his head. Jack forced himself to listen to what Mack was saying. He felt pity rise in his chest and choke him from saying anything. He watched as Mack sank to the floor and went into the fetal position. He had never seen Mack look so..helpless.

"Look, Mack. It's a whole new life for you..if that's true. I know it might be hard for you, but you said yourself that you were trying to get away from your family. Wouldn't this be better than...what you've been brought up so far? But..is this Kristie Hanner..erm...dead?" Jack wanted to smack himself. Such a great question to ask when someone was on the floor. He shook himself, but there was no was to mend what he already did.

[Mackenzie Holden]

She was starting to choke on her tears, and for once she didn't care. Mack let the tears of sorrow escape her eyes, she had needed to cry and she was glad she was crying in front of Jack and not her 'family.' Her tears stopped coming and she looked up at her best-friend when he asked if Kristie was dead. Slowly, ever so slowly, Mack nodded. Krisite did die. Mack didn't know how, because for all she knew she was murdered and teh Holdens lied to her. She wouldn't be surprised.

"Yeah. All good out of this situation has definitely been sucked up!" Mack told him coldly with a tone of poison in her voice. Her cold blue eyes now looked like steel that could snap because it was under so much heat, she pierced Jack with her eyes, wondering if he could read her thoughts. She quickly looked away and sat up,leaning her back against the wall, wiping at her eyes. Trying to appear at least mentally stable. She sighed a wavering breath and tried to speak, but nothing came out.

[Jack Rendel S5]

Jack watched as Mack started to let the tears fall. He felt bad for her, wanted to share the pain, but that was impossible. Mack would have to live with the pain. Jack couldn't help her out of this problem. Only Mack could. He sighed helplessly and looked down at her, not exactly sure how to comfort her. She could take offense at anything, and Jack didn't want to make her angry again. To late, he thought miserably as Mack noted rather nastily about how all the good had been sucked up. He grimaced and then smiled a wry smile.

"I'm good at that," he said quietly. "Maybe you should do something I do all the time, Mack. I'm not sure it'll help, and don't go throwing insults at me if it doesn't work for you. Anyway, what I do is I don't face the problem until it comes. It's a different way to look at things, but it is a shock when the problem does come." He shuffled his feet against the floor and waited to see what Mack thought of his solution.

[Mackenzie Holden]

Mack shook her head and wiped at the tears that had continued to fall, she stood up and looked at Jack; her arms crossed over her chest and her feet shuffling back and forth; "I like to face the problem before it comes. It makes things easier." Mack told him quietly. She wasn't going to insult him. Whatever floats his boat. She closed her eyes and stood there, feeling as if she were so small to the world.

Suddenly, Mack felt the need to sing...so her voice was quiet, "525600 Minutes. How do you measure a year in life? In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee. In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife. In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life? How about love? How about love? How about love? Measure in love. Seasons of love." It was a song from Rent. Mack sighed and opened her eyes, "Sorry." She whispered.

[Jack Rendel S5]

I guess we can be the same, yet so different. That always seems to be the case here. Jack watched as still more tears ran down Mack's face. He wasn't sure what to do at the moment to help her, so he stood there feeling immensely stupid. To his great surprise, Mack started singing about...life. That's what he thought it was about. He wasn't exactly sure. Something about measuring life in different measurements. He looked uncomfortable and moved his feet around yet again.

"It's alright. I'm guessing you had the need to sing? But, just out of pure curiosity, what is that song about?" Jack didn't know much about muggles and he had never heard the song before, so he guessed it was none of the familiar wizard or witches bands. "It's not by the Weird Sisters, is it?"

[Mackenzie Holden]

"Uh, yeah. Singing helps a little. That songs called "Seasons of Love" and it's from the musical Rent. I don't know what it's all about. I haven't figured it out exactly. Sometimes I think it's about life and sometimes I think it's about love. I can never be too sure." She answered as she tucked her hair behind her ears. She crossed her arms over her chest again and laughed suddenly.

"Weird Sisters? Do you really think they would sing something like that?" She asked him. Mack smiled genuinly and looked outside the window. Still raining. A thought occurred to her and she wondered if Jack was willing...she bit her lip and turned back to him.

"C'mon!" She said motioning to the door. Mack then walked out of the classroom and headed out into the grounds.

[Jack Rendel S5]

Jack smiled but said nothing more about singing. He couldn't sing at all, it sounded terrible. He thought Mack had a good voice, but it sounded...sad, most of the time. He laughed about the Weird Sisters too. "I was just hoping it might be them, seeing as they are the only band I listen to!" He laughed again. He wasn't big on music. When Mack got up and told him to come, Jack obeyed like a small dog. He grinned foolishly at the thought and followed Mack. If he wasn't mistaken she was heading outside...wait! That didn't make any sense! It was raining outside. What did she want to do, go out in the rain? He knew that was probably exactly what Mack wanted to do. He could hear the rain pounding softly against the castle.

"Where do you think you're going? Outside?" He sighed. "I hope you do know that it is raining and you will get soaked if you go out there."

[Mackenzie Holden]

Mack continued to walk out into the rain, her sea green sweater getting soaked. Her blonde hair was curling as the rain poured down on her head, she let the drops wash over her body. Her jeans were starting to stick to her but she didn't mind. Mack looked at Jack who had aske dher if she realised it was raining, "Precisely why I wanted out here. The rain is so calming when you let it be." She turned to him and then looked back up at the falling rain, letting it swallow her once more.

"Come here, let me show you something." Mack told him, waving her hand; indicating he should come stand next to her. When she thought he was near enough to hear her, Mack told him- "There are people out there, who can't feel the wonders of this. I mean; all they feel is the cold and the wet and the stickiness of the rain. But, there is more to it than that. Each drop has a story. And each drop has it's own rhythm, so a million drops makes a song. Listen to it for a little while." The rain continued to pour down, and right on cue; it started to sing.

[Jack Rendel S5]

Jack raised his eyebrows as Mack went out into the rain. She was getting soaked and to Jack's surprise it looked like she was enjoying it all. Jack laughed a little at the sight and then stepped out in the rain with her. He smiled at Mack. Right, very calming. He tried to feel past the cold, in which he was shivering, and past the wetness that made his clothes stick to his body. He tried to listen for the story that Mack had spoken of, but nothing came except for the gentle splat of raindrops hitting the roof. But maybe, that was the story; each one had it's own different noise; kind of like a voice. It made Jack ponder the possibilities of all the different things. Rain can't talk! This is stupid! Let's go back inside! Jack didn't heed his thoughts, instead he just tried to let lose of everything. It was difficult to do when so much was on his mind. Soon only the splatter and pound could be heard of the rain. He sighed and looked at Mack.

"I didn't know you could talk to the rain, Mack," he joked. "I apparently don't have that power." He grinned and then looked at her for a moment. She didn't seem like a fourteen year old girl anymore. Listening to rain stories wasn't a hobby of a girl Mack's age. Actually, most girls hated the rain, but she seemed to enjoy it. He wondered what had made Mack so grown-up and different. Maybe it was because of her family, or maybe it was because of what she has to deal with...mentally. He looked up at the sky, the rain getting into his eyes and mouth, the salty taste becoming more and more powerful. Jack didn't know what to do or what to say at the moment. He just stared up at the gray sky, lost in thought. Remembering things he had never thought of before. Of Bobby, of his Father, but mostly...of his mother. Mack was so much like her it was almost scary. The looks were different, but the things she did where the same. Jack could remember Tessa bringing him out in the rain, trying to get him to feel the greatness of it. Jack had only been five and he hadn't understood the meaning, but now he did. It wasn't the rain that did it. It was the person that you remembered liking the rain. It was memories. Memories of good and bad things that made the rain wonderful.

[Mackenzie Holden]

"No," She said with a shake of her head, water trickling down and splashing Jack, "It's not about me talking to the rain. It's about the rain talking to me." Mack smiled and closed her eyes, lifting her face towards the sky. She stood there for a moment and then reopened her eyes wondering if Jack understood anything at all she was saying. She sighed and turned to him again.

"Think of it- these drops of rain have gathered in the clouds. They are like God. They see everything, know everything; and when it's their time to fall down, they tell those stories. They let the world know the stories that were hidden behind walls. A wife being hit by her husband, a kid getting abused by their parents, screams that aren't heard because they are in the middle of nowhere, the tales that are woven together behind our eyes. These little drops of salty water, they know those stories, and if you listen- they're willing to tell." She whispered this to him and then looked back up at the sky. Mack wanted to know all the stories, she wanted to be able to save those from the horrors.

[Jack Rendel S5]

Jack looked at her, wondering where she had heard all of this. Or...when she had started listening to the rain. He decided it best not to ask and looked around. The green grass below there feet was getting hit down, but the blades would always just back up. It was odd, now that Jack thought of it, that something alive could do such a thing. He amused himself for a few moments watching the grass, listening to what Mack had to say. They were all horrible things, things Jack had hoped would never happen to him.

"Thinking pretty negative, aren't you? I'm sure they see good things too. Like, kids getting adopted, or people getting married, stuff like that. There's not bad everywhere in the world. There's good too, only...that's sometimes hard to see." He gave her a sad smile and then looked back up at the rain. He had never felt this way before; he felt like he was learning something extraordinary, but yet unexplainable. It made him wonder what else in the world was like this. He tried to listen to the rain as Mack had said, but it proved very difficult. He stared at Mack in wonderment. How she did this, he didn't know. It was amazing to him. He sighed and stood there feeling rather stupid. He would wait until Mack was done, but meanwhile, he would listen.

[Mackenzie Holden]

Mack shook her head sadly, "There is no pure good in the world. Not anymore. It's all false." She turned around and walked back up towards the castle, finished with her story minutes. She wanted to get away from the horror. And although Mack loved to listen to the rain, afterwards she felt so empty because she knew there were terrors in the world- yet she couldn't do anything to stop it. It made her feel bad.

Just like when I was younger, and Kristie always told me to pay attention to the weather. The rain had stories. The wind has secrets. The sun has songs. And the snow, well, the snow was just something to make the world look pretty. Because in reality it is far from pretty and far from being perfect. Mack entered the school again and leaned against a wall waiting for Jack to follow, "The human race is repulsive. We just hide behind an image- not daring to take a step forward into the actual light."

[Jack Rendel S5]

Jack followed Mack silently out the door. No good in the world? For some reason I don't find that hard to believe. I just wish it wasn't. Some things are good, aren't they? Jack didn't feel like arguing with Mack anymore. Once inside, he shook his head like a dog, spraying water everywhere. "Sorry, couldn't help myself," he told Mack sheepishly. His clothes were sticking to him and it made Jack feel stiff and uncomfortable. "If I knew we were going out there I would have brought an extra pair of clothes!" He smiled and looked around.

"I think you're right Mack. The human race is afraid to face what we know is happening. Someone does have to step up, to make it clear to them that things are wrong. There's still time to stop things, but people must remember that the past cannot be mended. Only the future can be changed." Jack sounded like he was reading out of a text book. It was true and logic.

"I don't really feel like going into the Dungeons at the moment. Where would you like to go now?"

[Mackenzie Holden]

Mack smiled broadly, and pulled out her wand. She tapped Jack's head with her wand, while muttering a spell and in an instant his clothes were dry. She did the same to her and then tucked her wand away again. It was same wand that she had dropped in Hogsmeade, and it had been scratched up. She had asked for a new one, but her parents simply wouldn't dream of getting her a new wand.

She listened to Jack for a bit then put her finger to her chin, thinking, "Kitchens? I'm hungry. Starved, actually. Haven't eaten in..." She counted on her fingers, "Four days." Mack then ran down the corridor, not wanting to hear anything about not eating from Jack. It wasn't like she didn't get enough of it from the portraits in the common room. She turned a corner and headed down a flight of stairs, then she came to the fruit picture. She halted and waited for Jack to come.

[Jack Rendel S5]

"Thanks!" Jack said as he became dry. It felt great to have the rain off of him; he was confused about what had happened. He heard Mack suggest the kitchens and add that she hadn't eaten in four days. Jack, surprised at this news, looked at Mack with concern. He opened his mouth to say something when Mack ran off. He stared after her, wondering if she was running away from him. He decided to find out, so Jack jogged behind Mack. Once he caught up with her she was already at the portrait to the kitchens. Jack had only been there once or twice, and he had really enjoyed it. Good food, nice elves, what else could he want? He didn't look at Mack but looked at the pear.

"Sorry, can't remember how to get in at the moment. Do you?" Jack forgot in which place to tickle the pear, so he would just let Mack do it.

[Mackenzie Holden]

"You tickle the pear right about here..." She told him as she scratched at the pear. A horrible sound of giggling came before it opened up to reveal the kitchens. The house elves scurried everywhere, quite surprised by the midnight visit of two students who should be fast asleep in their dormitories. One house elf stopped, however, did a quick curtsey and squeaked in welcome; "Hows may I helps you?" The little house elf asked. Mack smiled kindly and looked at Jack with a raised eyebrow.

"What do you feel like eating? I feel like eating anything and everything!" Mack laughed, threw open her arms and spun around in three circles, all the while giggling with happiness. She stopped and looked at Jack, and blushed at how ditzy she looked.

[Jack Rendel S5]

Jack grinned as Mack said to tickle the pear right about there. "Right. I'll have to remember that next time." He listened to a very bad case of giggling before the portrait swung open to reveal many house elves, all busy doing something or another. Some looked surprised at the visit while others seemed to care less. One of the elves came over and curtsied to them. "Butterbeer for now." Jack said with a kind smile toward the little elf. It bustled off for a few seconds and then returned with a bubbling tankard of butterbeer. Jack nodded his thanks and raised his eyebrows as Mack twirled around the room, laughing.

"Having fun, are you? Well, I advise you get something to eat before you trip over yourself or one of these elves." He laughed a bit and saw that Mack looked a little embarrassed about it. He shook his head with amusement. The house elf was now waiting for Mack's order.

[Mackenzie Holden]

Mack smiled and jumped on to the table, she sat down and let her legs dangle back and forth.

"I would like- a bowl of strawberries with powdered sugar please." She told the house elf. The house elf squeaked and ran off to get the food.

"Strawberries are the greatest most major delicious food on the planet!" Mack told Jack with a know it all nod of her head.

[Jack Rendel S5]

Jack smiled at Mack. "Strawberries? I find that hard to believe but I usually don't eat them. So, I don't know. I prefer raspberries." He said importantly. "But with no sugar, 'cause then it ruins the taste." He grinned at Mack as the house-elves brought the strawberries to her. He sipped his butterbeer and then looked around. The little elves all seemed busy making breakfast for morning. I'm not even tired and it must be midnight or later. Strange. He settled into a seat near the table Mack was sitting on. "Well, eat up before you starve." He told her with a smile.