Jealousy ((Katy))

[Myka Young R6]

Myka took one last look in the mirror, her brown chin length hair was styled to perfection and she had put on a little bit of makeup. She was getting ready for a night out at Hogsmeade, but her stomach had a pit in it. She knew she shouldn’t dwell on what went on with Katy, but there was only so much Myka could do and put behind her. The night of their huge argument, Myka made up her mind to live her life like she had before she met Katy, and so far it was working. She didn’t know how long it would work, but she was enjoying it as much as she could. She moved her gaze down to her outfit, a pair of dark blue jeans that rode low on her hips and a black tank top that showed her mid drift a bit. She wore heeled boots and a pair of sunglasses sat on top of her head. Myka grabbed her red leather jacket and left the dormitory.

Her mind was elsewhere as she made her way through the common room and out of the school. She didn’t even realize how far she had gotten until she came upon the carriages that took the students to Hogsmeade. Myka shook her head and climbed inside one of the carriages, closed the door and her eyes as the carriage started off. She seemed to doze off a bit, but was jerked awake when the carriage came to a halt. Myka sat up and wiped her eyes, ran her fingers through the tips of her hair, and then jumped out of the carriage. It was a nice day for once, the sun was out but it was a bit nippy. A light leather jacket was all Myka needed to keep warm. She crossed her arms and made her way into the village toward the club she had been going to since her third year. When she reached the entrance she didn’t bother to wait in line, she smiled at Freddie, the bouncer, and entered through the door.

The music was pulsating and there were lights flickering here and there. A lot of people were dancing and many were sitting at the tables talking and eating. Myka smiled as she spotted her date and she made her way over. Kristine was a girl she had seen many times before; she was always someone that made Myka feel better about what was going on. Myka reached Kristine and planted a kiss on the girl’s lips. “Wanna dance?” She asked, holding out her hand. Kristine smiled, set down her drink, and took Myka’s hand – allowing the girl to lead her to the dance floor.

It was a fast beat of music and Myka knew exactly how to move to it. They danced for a bit, when Myka noticed a flash of red hair. She looked up, half expecting to see Katy there. No one was there, and Myka shook her head; returning to the dancing.

[katy]

Katy hummed to the music quietly as she knelled down on the floor by her trunk. Taking out a simple black dress and placing it on her bed she also took out a pair of black, velvet slippers that had pretty designs of sequins on them. For the first time in almost a week, Katy was actually going to get out of the castle. After the argument with Myka and what she had done to her best friend, it brought her into a deep depression. All week Katy’s mind had been playing the ‘why’ game. Why did she care so much about what other people thought? Why was she feeling the way she was? Finally, Katy had come to her conclusion. She loved Myka Young. Unfortunately, there was nothing she could do to get her friend back. Myka had put Katy behind and went on with her life before her and Katy should be doing that same, but she couldn’t stop her emotions. No one was ever going to make her feel the way Myka did, or even understand her. There just had to be a way Katy could win her best friend back, but at the same time she was scared. Scared of what others thought, and just everything.

With a heavy sigh, Katy closed the trunk. Hearing the loud click of the lock, she stood up from the floor, taking her wand out of her pocket. Using a simple drying charm on her hair Katy than began to get dressed. She picked up the dress carefully began to slide it on. Once it was once she than put her feet into the slippers and walked to the full length mirror to apply a little makeup. Putting the eyeliner back in her makeup case Katy looked at her reflection. The dress was perfect. It was somewhat short, reaching up to her mid thigh, but it looked great. Turning around to the side, Katy smiled at her reflection. Grabbing a small beaded purse from the bed, Katy headed out of the dorm room and out toward where the carriages were. Taking a seat in a free one, she looked out the window watching the scenery.

The carriage stopped suddenly and Katy stepped outside. There were no drivers to say thank you too so she made her way down the streets toward the club. Noticing Aiden outside of the club Katy smiled at her friend. He was only a friend to her and nothing more, since he also knew about the fact that she was gay. Giving him a quick hug they walked past the bouncer and into the club. Taking his hand, Kay led him out onto the dance floor as her favorite song came up. As the two danced she saw a familiar figure in the side of her eye. Looking in the direction she noticed Myka dancing with another girl. Katy’s dancing lost its spirit as Aiden seemed to notice her too. “Why don’t you go over and talk to her?” he asked as Katy looked in his direction. “Well for one, she hates me and is with another girl,” she responded back to him with a heavy sigh as they continued to dance.

Finally Katy couldn’t take it anymore. “I’ll meet up with you later. Anyways, I think that one girl with the black hair on the other side of the room is staring at you.” Smiling as she saw the eager look on his face and headed in the direction toward the girl. Turning around and taking a deep breath, Katy headed over toward the two girls, and when she reached them she smiled at the other girl. “Hello my names Katy, it’s nice to meet you. I love your necklace by the way. Do you mind if I steal Myka away from you for just a couple of minutes?” Without even hearing the girl mutter a word, Katy took Myka’s hand and led her away. “Can you at least spare me one dance?”

[Myka Young R6]

Myka continued to dance with Kristine when she heard a familiar voice talking to her. Myka closed her eyes, hoping that it was just a mistake, but when the girl said her name was Katy, Myka knew that hope would never come true. She opened her eyes just as Katy grabbed her hand and pulled her away, sending Kristine a 'sorry' over her shoulder, Myka yanked her hand out of Katy's. "Why would I do that? After all you wouldn't spare me a minute of your day." Myka scowled. She had been having a good time when Katy had shown up. What did this girl think she was? A yo yo? Myka would not allow herself to be throw down and then yanked back up again. She was not a toy. She stopped walking and looked at Katy as if she were insane. Myka raised an eyebrow as she waited for an explanation. She was growing impatient when she realized that waiting for Katy was useless and disappointing.

"You know what? I'm on a date. I don't need this, not tonight." Myka turned on her heel and walked back toward Kristine. Her date had grabbed her table up again and had ordered two butterbeers. Myka sat down beside her and slipped her arm around her, taking a sip of her butterbeer. "Who was that?" Kristine asked, Myka shook her head. "Just a girl from school." She answered. It was a truthful answer, Katy was a girl from school. And just because she hadn't gone into a long detailed description of exactly who she was, didn't mean she lied. Kristine smirked and took a drink of her butterbeer as well. "She seemed... young. Are you going after them young now, Myka?" Myka smiled mischievously and shook her head again, "She's 15, Kristine. Just about as old as I was when we met, if you remember correctly." Kristine smiled her 100 watt smile, "Oh, I remember. I also remember you didn't think I was worthy of you. You said I didn't match up to your lovely... what was her name?" Myka shrugged in answer and took another sip of her butterbeer.

[katy]

Katy took a deep breath to calm her temper. She didn't want to fight with the older girl. Not here and then. Noticing an angry scowl on her friend's face, her mind raced on what to say. Myka had barely given her anytime to respond and sent a look at her as if she were some lunatic. Looking down at the floor as the girl returned to her date, Katy closed her eyes tight. "Myka I love you," she whispered softly under her breath even though that Myka never heard it. Who would want to be with someone when they've ignored them for a month? Looking up from the ground at the two she sighed. What was she thinking? Noticing Aiden heading her way she put on a small smile for him. “Oh no. I know that smile. What’s wrong?” he asked feeling Katy’s forehead for any heat. Taking Aiden’s hand away from her head she responded. “Let’s just say I’m someone who likes another, but they moved on to something better.” Aiden looked over toward the table with Myka and her date and than back at Katy. “Hey you know what cheers me up when a girl turns me down?” he asked with that charming smile that could make any straight girl melt. “Aiden rejected by a girl? I’ve never heard of such a thing!” she said teasing him with a smile. “Well if I remember you’re the one who rejected me. But that what I was going to say, I was going to say food makes me better. Now let’s go eat, and I’ll even pay.”

The two took a seat at an empty table far away from Myka. They ordered and conversation began to get started. It was mostly about school and family. Aiden knew her brother Kyle and was practically his best friend, even though Kyle was a muggle. But the whole time Katy would take a few peeks at that table across the room watching Myka smile and enjoy her self. It was good to see her friend happy after what she had done. When their food had come they ate until finally Katy couldn't take it anymore. Noticing that same girl that was eyeing her friend the whole night Katy stood up from the table. Making her way toward the girl she than whispered some things into her ear that she should sit down with Aiden. The girl smiled and followed Katy back toward the table. Kissing Aiden on the check she smiled as he whispered a thank you in her ear. "Are you sure your going to be fine?" he whispered again and Katy nodded her head. "I need to go outside and clear my head anyway. We need to meet up again some time. Bye Melanie." Katy said sending a smile toward the girl that took her seat.

Picking her purse up from the table, Katy headed out of the club and into the cold night. There was a bench just a few feet away from the club and she took a seat down on it. Leaning her head back against the stone wall she closed her eyes, her mind playing the why game again. But seriously, why couldn't she just move on?

[Myka Young R6]

Myka found herself laughing within moments, Kristine was always good at cheering people up. Maybe that was the main thing that Myka found herself attracted to. It wasn’t that Kristine wasn’t pretty, in fact she was gorgeous, but Myka didn’t look for that in Kristine. Kristine was just a good person to be around and Myka liked that in the people she socialized with. She kept looking up, expecting to see Katy approaching their table, but she never did. Finally, Myka learned to just enjoy herself. She drank butterbeer after butterbeer after butterbeer. Soon she had gone through at least six in the past hour. If it had been an alcoholic beverage, Myka would be drunk by now. In about ten more minutes, Myka had to go to the bathroom. She excused herself and made her way over. On the way to it, she passed Katy and some guy and another girl. Katy seemed to be leaving, and Myka turned her gaze toward the bathroom as she pushed open the door.

When she came back out, Katy was nowhere to be seen. Myka sighed and headed back to the table where she grabbed up her jacket and kissed Kristine on the cheek, “I’ve gotta run. Thanks for this night, I needed it.” Kristine smiled, her dimples showing brilliantly, “No problem, Myka. You know I’m always here to make you smile.” Myka smiled back in reply and left the club. Stepping outside, the cool air was no longer welcoming. She shuddered and slipped her arms through the jacket’s sleeves. She then turned her gaze up and down the street. There a few yards down was Katy, sitting on a bench. Myka crossed her arms and took a deep breath. As she made her way down she went over what she was going to say. Finally, she decided to just talk and see what comes out.

“You ever hear of these things called doppelgangers? They apparently are doubles from an alternate universe, and they’re evil. Kind of like an evil twin.” Myka sat down beside her and sighed deeply, “I think I just ran into mine in that club. She told me that I should be the doppelganger because I’ve been such a witch to you. Imagine that.”

[katy]

Pulling at the ends of the dresses sleeve a shiver shot up from Katy’s feet too her head. Why couldn't it still be summer? Winter was about the frost bite and very cold nights and days. Now summer was about the warm nights and light breezes. But the one good thing about the winter was that you could have as much hot chocolate as you wanted, and hot chocolate was Katy’s favorite drink of all time. Crossing one leg over the other she rubbed them. There were goose bumps all over her legs as her hands glided over her smooth skin. Looking up at the sound of foot steps heading toward her she noticed a familiar figure of Myka. Watching as the older girl took a seat down next to her Katy looked off into the distance. The sun was beginning to go down, but the time always changed in the fall. It would only be five at night and completely dark. When Myka finished Katy leaned back into the bench finally speaking. “No, I deserved the treatment that you gave me in the club. My own doppelganger has been taking over me for the past month.”

Taking a deep breath of the night air it pierced her lungs slightly, but calmed her. “Look, I’m really sorry Myka. I tried to but in on your date tonight. That was really uncalled for on my behalf,” she began looking back at her friend, a small smile curling on her lips. For once they weren’t fighting or at each others throat. It was like the old days. “The ugly, furry green monster got the best of me I suppose. But you out of all people deserved a night of fun,” Katy said looking down at her feet. Did she ever make Myka as happy as the other girl did? Resting her head back on the wall behind her Katy began to speak again. “Are we always going to be like this? One moment were at each others throats and the next fine?”

[Myka Young R6]

Myka nodded, "You're right. You had no right to barge in on my date like that, but I had no right to walk away like that. I've been in a mood all month, I haven't been able to be me and Kristine always seemed to make me be me. So, when I sent her an owl and she agreed to meet me in Hogsmeade, I knew that it would be a night to push me back into the swing of things. I hadn't planned on you being there.... or perhaps I wouldn't have come." Myka mused as she spoke, wondering if she really would have stayed away if she knew Katy would be there. She shrugged it off, that really didn't matter now. Katy was there, and Myka was as well, and this is what came of it. She fiddled with the ends of her sleeves, this was awkward.

When Katy asked if they were always going to be like this, Myka shrugged. "That is up to you. I have nothing to hide, and you do. From what I see it though, we can't be friends or anything if you want to hide what and who you are from the rest of the world. I'm willing to just forget everything if I have to, if that's the only way to stop the pain. You control all of that completley. I'll be able to sway with any decision you choose. You just need to choose."

[katy]

Katy sighed as she listen to Myka talk about Kristine and how the girl would always make her friend her. Secretly, Katy wondered if she ever made Myka feel like that? Was she a good enough friend before all this happened? There was a huge gab between the two and Katy was staring at it, wondering whether or not to scoot in closer. She was about to inch her way over when she just stopped herself when noticing that the girl was fiddle with the end of the coat sleeve. Was she uncomfortable around Katy? Katy wished she had never met came with Aiden this night. All she was ever going to do was compare herself against Kristine. Sighing, Katy leaned her head back on the wall again, closing her eyes. "Do you remember when you told me about how Uthena and Himemiya hid their feelings because they wanted to be accepted?" she asked letting there be silence for a moment as that day creped its way back into her mind. "You were right about that, and I really am trying hard to change...because what I did toward you makes me feel like such a bad friend."

Taking out a package of mints that she stole from Aiden's coast pocket Katy scooted in closer toward Myka. "Want some mints? Aiden has this thing about his breath always being fresh just incase if he makes out with a girl," Katy asked holding out her hand with the package in her hand while popping the other one into her mouth.

[Myka Young R6]

Myka looked at Katy as she offered her a mint, shaking her head, Myka figured she used the mints as a ploy to scoot closer to her. Honestly, Myka was still rather upset about the whole thing. No matter how much she would tell Katy she was okay with any decision Katy made, if Katy just happened to make the decision of hiding everything from everybody then Myka would be angry, upset, and more than a little hurt. Her attention was drawn to the club and she spotted Kristine walking out, chatting on her cell phone. She seemed to look down the street and then spotted Myka. Hanging up her cell phone, she made her way over. Myka tilted her head and then turned to look at Katy, wondering if she had noticed Kristine. Too late to warn her if she hadn’t, “Hey, Myka. I thought you left? Well, no matter,” She said before Myka could reply, “Let’s go get something to eat; Katy can come along as well. In fact, I think it would be fun.”

Myka cast a sideways glance at Katy and then nodded, “Alright, we’ll come along.” Kristine smiled, “Fabulouso, I know this perfect little café.” She started off. Myka sighed, and sent Katy a small smile before grabbing her hand and lacing her fingers with Katy’s and following Kristine.

[katy]

Katy shrugged her shoulders as Myka declined the offer for a mint. With a soft click, she closed the lid and set the package back into her purse. There was silence between for a while and Katy didn't know exactly what to say to fill it up. They had finally reached the point where the air between was just nervous. Looking down the road that led back to the club Katy saw someone talking on their cell phone. She recognized the girl to be the one who Myka had gone out with this evening. Watching as the girl noticed them; she put her cell phone away and headed toward them. Katy looked back at Myka with a raised eyebrow. When Kristine asked if Myka would like to grab a bite to eat, she than asked if Katy would like to join them. Maybe that wasn’t exactly the best idea. Not with how things were going at the moment. Katy was about to decline until the girl beat her to it. Sighing as Myka took her hand she let the older girl led the way.

Placing her fingers through Myka's, Katy tried hard not to let a smile appear on her lips. "Your names Kristine right?" Katy asked politely watching as the girl nodded her head. "Um... I’m sorry for my rudeness before back at the club." Sending the older girl an apologatic smile she turned to look at Myka. Sighing as she dropped her hand from the girl's grasps she spoke. "So what exactly is this cafe called?"

[Myka Young R6]

"Aye, I'm Kristine. Don't even think about calling me Kris, or Krissy or anything of the sort. Just ask Myka, it's one of my least favourite names and whenever someone calls me something as nauseating as that, I lose it. Don't I Mykaela Avery?" Myka scowled as Kristine called her by her full name, "Yeah, yeah. Kris....tine." Kristine smirked and continued to lead the way to the cafe. Myka looked down at her now unoccupied hand and shrugged, Katy had a right to feel that way. Then again, Myka believed she had more of a right to be angry than Katy did. Whatever, Myka thought, if Katy wants to act the way she is, then so be it. I'm going to have fun and talk non stop with Kristine. I haven't seen her in months, and I don't need to deal with Katy's immaturity. Myka came back from her thoughts when she heard Katy ask the name of the cafe. Kristine smiled, "It has no name, well, I mean of course it has a name. But it's not on the wall or anything. It's just always been that little cafe." Myka laughed as Kristine screwed her face up in confusion.

They came to a small building where Kristine pounced inside, holding the door for Myka and Katy. They sat down at a table with three chairs and Kristine immediately said she'd order for Myka. Myka knew that she would order for Katy, if she were on a date with Katy. But she wasn't, so Kristine just ordered to espressos for her an Myka and then waited patiently for Katy to order. Once they were all ordered, Kristine went off with a round of quetions, "How do you two know each other? Do you go to school together? Are you two close? Are you gay? (that was aimed toward Katy, not you Myka)" Myka didn't bother to answer any of them, she just sipped her espresso and waited for Katy to talk.

[katy]

Katy smiled at Kristine's remark about not giving her any nicknames. It sounded very tempting to call the older girl Krissy. Though, it wasn't exactly like Katy to give little pet names to people who she had just met. That only happened if she was extremely hyper. Once the three arrived at the cafe with no name, Kristine held open the door for the two girls. Saying a thank you toward the girl, Katy followed behind Myka toward a table with four chairs. Warm air greeted her shivering body, making the goosebumps die down. Taking a seat at the table, the waiter came by and Kristine had told Myka she would order for her. Waiting patiently until it was her turn she asked for some hot chocolate. Katy didn't want Myka or Kristine too see her hyper. Caffeine plus Katy Hudson equals bouncing off the walls. After all, she didn't wan to make a fool of herself around these girls.

Before she could even try to cool down the steaming drink, Kristine shot a million questions at her in a second. Looking at Myka for some help she sighed knowing that the older girl wouldn't say a thing. Running her hands through her red hair, Katy thought of what to say. Did it matter the order? "Well we both do go to Hogwarts, but are in different houses. So we just met on the first day back to school during the feast," Katy said staring off into the distance wondering how she was going to answer the girl's other questions. "And yes I am gay," she added with a faint smile before bringing the cup to her mouth and blowing on the hot liquid. "As for if were close or not, I'll have Myka answer that."

[Myka Young R6]

Myka sipped her espresso a moment, not bothering to answer Kristine's question about them being close. Katy had flipped that around on her, so now Myka was either forced to hurt Katy by saying some comment about the way she's been lately or she had to lie to Kristine. Myka set the espresso down on the table and looked at Kristine, "We can't be close if she doesn't let who she really is out. She's too afraid of what people think and has avoided me for the past month or so because of that fear." She glanced at Katy and sent a slightly hurt look her way before looking back at Kristine, "However, she is one of the only people I talk to at school so I'm closer to her than I am to most people." She watched for Kristine's reaction and all she did was nod in understanding. Kristine knew what Myka meant by that and Myka didn't have to explain any further, for that she was thankful.

"I see. Well, that's no fun. Myka here never gets close with anyone, Katy. For her to even think about getting close to you is miraculous. Though, it's quite understandable for you to be afriad of what everyone will say about you being gay. But everyone's going to talk anyway, you might as well give them something to talk about, eh?" Kristine smiled, and Myka shook her head. Sometimes Kristine put her nose in where it certainly didn't belong.

[katy]

There was silence between the three as Katy waited to see if Myka would respond or not. She still held the cup to her mouth, the warm steam greeting her still cold face. Taking a short breath of the hot air she took a sip. Just as the hot liquid touched the top of her tongue Myka spoke. Trying hard not to show the pain, she set the cup back down, keeping her eyes low. Glancing up at the older girl, Katy felt that stack pierce even further into her heart. The sad look on the girl's face was from her own insectaries. Mentally sighing, she traced the top of the blue cup as Myka spoke. She said that Katy was the only few people she was close too. This was not a good idea coming along with the two. Katy just wished that she could turn back time and just change everything.

As Kristine spoke, Katy stared at the table for a while taking everything in. Her temper was slowly beginning to rise to the surface. This girl didn't know how she felt on the inside. Katy wasn't as comfortable with who she was than most people. "I guess were all just a little diseased," she said looking up from the table to stare at the two girls. "I think I've barded in on your guys date longer than I should have." Standing up from the table she collected her purse and turned sharply on her heel. Stopping before taking another step she looked over her shoulder at Myka. "Well you wait for me?" she whispered just barely audible before quickly heading out the cafe.

[Myka Young R6]

Myka watched Katy the whole time Kristine had been speaking and she saw her face flicker from hurt to anger. Then she watched her talk about diseases, and Myka couldn't do much but hold back a snigger. Katy then stood and left, before Myka could do anything. Kristine stared, her mouth agape, watching the retreating back of Katy. She then turned to Myka, and Myka laughed; "You deserved it, you knew you shouldn't have butt in. Yet, you still did. I'm not going to coddle you this time, Kristine." Kristine closed her mouth and crossed her arms in a pout. Myka kissed the girl softly on the lips before standing and laying down a sickle. "I'm going to catch up with her, it was wonderful to see you again. We should do this more often." Kristine smirked and Myka fled from the cafe. The cold air attacked her as she stepped outside. Her eyes flickered from her left to her right and then back to her left where she spotted a flash of red hair. Pulling her jacket tighter around her, Myka chased after Katy.

It was only moments before she caught up with the girl, and by then she was out of breath. She placed her hand on Katy's shoulder to stop her from walking and then placed her other hand on her knee, bending over to catch her breath. "I..." Myka breathed in and out, trying to calm the rapid excerise of her lungs. When she felt she could stand up without doubling over for air, Myka straightened herself and then smiled weakly, "I want to apologize for Kristine's bluntness. She doesn't know when to shut up. A lot of her friends have asked me to buy her a muzzle, but then we came to the conclusion that a muzzle wouldn't help anyway." She took her hand off Katy's shoulder and then looked down at her fingers which were fiddling with her jacket, "Don't pay any attention to what she says, she never had to go through what you are."

[katy]

The cold wind rushed at Katy as she walked down the street at a fast rate. Her heels clicked against the ground and her eyes began to sting from both tears and the cold air. Katy's mind replayed what happened in the cafe and she secretly wondered how the girl's responded to her diseased comment. Wiping her face away from an angry tear, Katy wished she had handled the situation differently. Maybe she should of poured her hot chocolate on Kristine's clothes. Or even better drink some and spit it out at her. Katy sighed at the thoughts. Was she really that immature? Though, the older girl had no right to tell Katy how to feel. Did she ever have at everyone look at her that was her peers, not just strangers? What if it happened when you weren't ready? When you were just trying to find yourself? Wiping another angry tear aside she took a deep breath of the cold air into her icy lungs.

Katy tried to clear everything away from her mind. There was no point to be angry. Her mind was finally emptied and thoughtless, but she soon felt a hand on her shoulder. Turning around with a short gasp she watched as Myka bent over, breathing hard. When the older girl had recollected her breath, she spoke about Kristine needing a muzzle to shut her up. Nodding at the remark, Katy took the girl's hand, leading her toward the same bench they had sat in before. Taking a seat, Katy leaned back into the bench. "You’re right about the muzzle thing Myka...but I'm not as comfortable as you guys are about being gay..." she began leaning her head back and closing her eyes.”I'm still trying to find myself, but it's going to take longer than I expected."

Fiddling with the end of her sleeve, she looked back at Myka, her blue eyes sparkling. "What I'm also afraid of is that your going to move onto someone better before I even get the chance to be comfortable."

[Myka Young R6]

Myka allowed Katy to lead her to the bench that had previously sat in, and once there, Myka tilted her head as Katy began to speak. When she was finished, Myka sighed and closed her eyes. Letting the wind blow by and then catch her hair. She sat in silence a moment and then nodded before opening her eyes to reply, "Being comfortable about being gay is no different than being comfortable about being a witch. The muggles, if they knew about us, would feel the same way people will feel when you open up about your sexuality. You will looked down upon and even admired by some who wish they had your strength to let their secrets out." She looked at Katy, her eyes dancing slightly and begging her to understand what she was meaning. Could Katy grasp the analogy? Myka bit her lip and then looked away again. Now came the hard thing to talk about. She thought over what she was going to say in her mind.

"You mean a lot to me, Katy. A lot more than anyone else ever has." She paused here and then watched as a couple walked down the street holding hands and sipping hot chocolate as they laughed about their happy lives. "However, as much as I care about you... there's only so long and so much I can wait or take. I don't want to lead you on, because I hate doing that. I don't know if I want to be in a relationship. Relationships only bring turmoil. But I do want to help you. I won't move on to someone else for that. I'll stay with you until you don't need my help anymore."