Post by Dixie Holden-Greene on Dec 12, 2006 21:35:49 GMT
Dearest Doctor Matt Fried,
Do not burn this letter, although I doubt you would to begin with. However, you might have received order from someone who believes he rules all and would have told you to burn anything that had to deal with me. It's been awhile since I was at Bethlem, but the days do not seem so long ago. I have been doing quite well, better than I expected I ever could. Of course, with a lot going on in my life I had a couple of set backs and relapsed into my old self. I came back, however, with the techniques you had taught me during our sessions. I guess that's all I really could say that you taught me. For in our sessions we didn't do much besides talk about Kurr or what the other patients were gossiping about. I suppose that is mostly my fault. Dr. Fried I did not trust you enough to let you help me. Chances are I still do not trust you enough to let you help me. No matter what you could say, I wouldn't be able to tell you about my past or about what made me lose trust and hope in everything.
Don't blame yourself for that, though, I had trouble trusting everyone before a couple of days ago. I am doing much better now, and I'm living my life as if nothing had happened. As if I had nothing to hide or run from. I have not, however, faced him yet and I do not expect to in the near future. Do you remember the first session we had? How you asked me about every member in my family and I couldn't answer you about my father? I can now. If you remember, my father is not a friendly man. He cares only about himself and about his needs. Even the day they signed me into Bethlem he was worried about the amount he was spending. I'm sure he had his lawyer contact you and talk to you about lowering the price after I had been released. It is something that he would do. You see, Derreck Holden is a blood thirsty arrogant fool who doesn't care about anyone but himself. He can't commit to one person, and he has no idea what the word 'family' means. He has at least four illegitimate children that he refuses are his, I'm sure. Derreck will seduce a woman, stay with her for at least a year, and then drop her because he has gotten bored. He's like a little boy who needs new toys every other week or so.
You see, he was the bad apple in the family. Not my sister, who I know I made out to be the worst Holden. Derreck is what made us stink and he is what made us rott. He is the reason why I was or am the way I was... or still am. He never could really tell the difference between what was real and was false. I couldn't look him in the eye after awhile because he was a fraud. He was the person who invented Kurr. He was the Government. He caused me pain, pain that has taken years to get over. Pain that should fuel vengance. But it doesn't. I just want to go on without him. Is that odd? Should I want to hurt him?
I'm asking you as a friend, not a patient, a friend; will this insanity always remain inside of me?
Forever Debating,
Dixie Anne Holden
Do not burn this letter, although I doubt you would to begin with. However, you might have received order from someone who believes he rules all and would have told you to burn anything that had to deal with me. It's been awhile since I was at Bethlem, but the days do not seem so long ago. I have been doing quite well, better than I expected I ever could. Of course, with a lot going on in my life I had a couple of set backs and relapsed into my old self. I came back, however, with the techniques you had taught me during our sessions. I guess that's all I really could say that you taught me. For in our sessions we didn't do much besides talk about Kurr or what the other patients were gossiping about. I suppose that is mostly my fault. Dr. Fried I did not trust you enough to let you help me. Chances are I still do not trust you enough to let you help me. No matter what you could say, I wouldn't be able to tell you about my past or about what made me lose trust and hope in everything.
Don't blame yourself for that, though, I had trouble trusting everyone before a couple of days ago. I am doing much better now, and I'm living my life as if nothing had happened. As if I had nothing to hide or run from. I have not, however, faced him yet and I do not expect to in the near future. Do you remember the first session we had? How you asked me about every member in my family and I couldn't answer you about my father? I can now. If you remember, my father is not a friendly man. He cares only about himself and about his needs. Even the day they signed me into Bethlem he was worried about the amount he was spending. I'm sure he had his lawyer contact you and talk to you about lowering the price after I had been released. It is something that he would do. You see, Derreck Holden is a blood thirsty arrogant fool who doesn't care about anyone but himself. He can't commit to one person, and he has no idea what the word 'family' means. He has at least four illegitimate children that he refuses are his, I'm sure. Derreck will seduce a woman, stay with her for at least a year, and then drop her because he has gotten bored. He's like a little boy who needs new toys every other week or so.
You see, he was the bad apple in the family. Not my sister, who I know I made out to be the worst Holden. Derreck is what made us stink and he is what made us rott. He is the reason why I was or am the way I was... or still am. He never could really tell the difference between what was real and was false. I couldn't look him in the eye after awhile because he was a fraud. He was the person who invented Kurr. He was the Government. He caused me pain, pain that has taken years to get over. Pain that should fuel vengance. But it doesn't. I just want to go on without him. Is that odd? Should I want to hurt him?
I'm asking you as a friend, not a patient, a friend; will this insanity always remain inside of me?
Forever Debating,
Dixie Anne Holden