Nothing Left to Lose ((Mack))

[Ryann Taylor G6]

Ryann felt like she was going to die if she had to do another Potion's formula. Snape had decided he would be so kind as to assign the class the task of completing a list of over fifty potion reactions in which they must identify the result of combining different random ingredients together. Granted, it was all in theory and Ryann was happy she didn't have to actually work with the potions, but just trying to figure out each reaction was a pain in itself, let alone making sure to properly write out each equation.

Murtlap essence added to crushed jobberknoll egg. What the heck would that mixture make, Ryann thought to herself. She knew that jobberknolls were known for memory potions and that murtlap essence was a healing ingredient. Combined, they could produce a headache potion, perhaps? It was worth a try, and so Ryann jotted it down in chemical equation format. "The addition of murtlap essence to crushed jobberknoll egg yields a potion to cure headaches," she said aloud as she wrote the proper notation on the parchment. Only twenty more to go.

Ryann let out a tired sigh as she looked up from her homework at the other students in the lounge. None seemed to be as buried in homework as herself. But then, she noticed Mack sitting in a corner by herself. Mack was in her Potions class, and Ryann thought it looked like a Potions textbook sitting beside Mack's stack of other materials. What a relief, Ryann thought. Even if she and Mack weren't friends or anything, she knew that it was worth a try to see if Mack was working on the homework as well. At least they could compare answers to get a better understanding of it all.

Approaching Mackenzie in the corner with her bag slung over her shoulder, Ryann took a seat nearby. "Have you started that dreadfully long Potions assignment?" she asked casually, hoping that Mack wouldn't mind being interrupted. "I am over half way done, however I'd wager a bet that most of what I've done is wrong. Or at least Snape will deem it less than acceptable," she added as she rolled her eyes.

[Mackenzie Holden]

Who cared about whatever potion ingredient made whatever serum? Mack sure didn’t. Her mind was completely elsewhere. Mostly on Tommy. Mostly on how she felt about Tommy. Mostly on how many songs they had recorded the past weekend. OK so it was mostly on a lot of mostlies. That didn’t bother Mack. Though she knew it would bother her potions grade. She tucked her red hair behind her ear as she tried to focus on the potions assignment. It hadn’t been working for the past thirty minutes, she was certain it wouldn’t work this time. It was worth the shot, though, wasn’t it? Nope. Not really. Mack closed the book with a snap and slid it across the table toward her other neglected homework. Her mind was still reeling around the mostlies that seemed to have suddenly popped into her life, but she didn’t mind. It gave her inspiration to write, which was so odd considering she hadn’t had much inspiration the past half a year. She chewed on her bottom lip as she pulled her journal to her and opened it to the most recent song she was working on. As her foot began to tap to the beat, she read over the lyrics she had so far; “I’m getting up now, the sun is burning my eyes and I ache. I’m living on a freeway, running low on heart and good mistakes.” Her foot continued to tap to the beat as she thought about what could come next. Her mind whirled around over what she could possibly add into the song. She was trying a new method. Writing it from start to finish, instead of rearranging verses. It wasn’t working out too well.

Screw it. Screw it all. Suddenly, Mack grew very angry. She grew so angry, she slammed her pen down on top of the journal and buried her head in her hands. Her foot was still tapping the beat, though. Everyone was just… waiting for her to fail. Nelson surely was, thinking she was just a one hit wonder. She had to prove that she wasn’t. She had to prove to him and to everyone else who doubted her that she wasn’t just this girl who was only good for one album. She was better than that. “It’s like I’m walking on a really, really thin line and they’re all holding their breath to see if I can go from one end to the other without falling. They’re hoping I fall. I can feel it whenever I enter a room and they all stop talking. So, what can I do to prove to them that I’m not going to fail? Surely not by doing everything I’m told by Nelson. No, dying my hair was a mistake. I have to do things my way now.” She looked up. That was it. That was her chorus. Mack picked up the pen and began to write, “It’s like I’m walking on another thin line, where the fools keep on thinking I am blind. I’m waiting for the day, I’m in the middle of a crime; of what taking left what’s mine, as I fade away.” Mack grinned as she went over it in her head. She was about to continue on, when someone approached her and asked her about the potions homework. She looked up at saw Ryann Taylor sitting near her, “Oh, um,” Mack smiled guiltily, “not really. I tend to get fuzzy in the head when I worry about school work.” She rolled her eyes after Ryann rolled hers and then closed her journal with a snap.

“I don’t have to worry about a horrible grade, though. Snape tends to favour Slyths. I am worried, however, about the rest of my classes. Those professors usually don’t favour us over your house.” Mack smirked and shook her head before grabbing her potions book again and opening it, hoping maybe now it will spark her interest.

[Ryann Taylor G6]

Ryann gave a look of disappointment, and then went through her bag, preparing to get the homework out and get started again. She figured since Mack didn't seem to care much, she would just go back to working on it alone and try her best. It was all she could do.

Then, Mack spoke again and then reached for her Potions book. Ryann thought about what she said and then ventured to ask a question. "Do the other professors ever tend to grade Slytherins more harshly?" she wondered. Ryann had never really thought of it before. Sure, Snape was obvious in tending to favor the Slytherins in class, but Ryann wondered if the Slytherins ever felt like they had it harder with all of the other professors. If it was the case, it would seem that the Slytherins got the worse end of the deal. Of course, there was always the possibility that other heads of houses could favor their students in subtle ways. It was not the case for McGonagall, of course, but Ryann didn't really know if house prejudice existed besides the obvious. "But anyways, I guess it doesn't matter either way. Life's not fair," she said with a shrug as she copied the next problem and pondered it.

"What'd ya get for number thirty-one?" she asked, sensing that maybe Mack didn't care for other random conversation. Ryann didn't know Mack that well, but from what she had seen and gathered, Mack seemed like someone who wasn't the stereotypical Slyth. Sure, she may not have been kind, caring, and bubbly, but she was at least approachable. "By the way, your concert at the Valentine's Ball was awesome," she added, trying her best to find a common thread. That was one positive trait of Ryann's- she at least tried to be personable to everyone.

[Mackenzie Holden]

Mack chewed on her lower lip as she pulled out her parchment and contemplated Ryann’s question. “I think it’s safe to say that there isn’t one professor in this school who hasn’t deducted points or lowered a Slytherin’s grade because they were in fact a Slyth. I’m sure they don’t do it for stupid reasons like Snape deducts from Gryffindor or whatever, but inside they’ve felt satisfaction for bringing Slytherin down that much more. We haven’t gotten too many points deducted recently, though, but I think that’s out of pity. We are at negative forty five.” Mack rolled her eyes at the memory of what got them at negative fifty five. Those stupid third years. Had she been so careless her third year? No, that wasn’t possible. Mack was too outcasted and too moody to do much more than sit in the shadows. She shrugged when Ryann said life wasn’t fair. Mack had learnt that years ago, but now it made more sense than ever. She huddled over her Potions assignment and let out a slow breath as she began with question one. Within five minutes she had gotten down to twenty nine. But Ryann seemed to be ahead of her. Mack looked down to thirty one and read the question to herself before answering with a shrug; “The main ingredient in Amortentia is ashwnder egg. He mentioned it casually when trying to prove some know it all Ravenclaw wrong.” She wrote that answer down for thirty one before returning to twenty nine.

Another moment or so and Mack had reached question thirty four before Ryann spoke again. This time about Mack’s performance at the Valentines day ball. Mack let out a groan before she looked up and shook her head. “Thanks, but it was terrible. I wasn’t in the mood to watch couples dance by with love sick looks in their eyes. My producer thought it’d be good for me to play at my school’s dance, so I did it.” She smiled before looking down at her potions homework. She started to write again when she sighed and shook her head, her red hair falling into her eyes. She tucked it behind her ear before shoving her potions assignment away again and pulling her journal toward her. “Can I ask you a question, Ryann?” Mack flipped to an entry and held it up to her eye level as she leaned back into the wooden chair she was sitting in. “If a guy you’ve known forever and that you love, just suddenly disappears from you one day; what would you do?” Obviously Mack was asking in reference to her problems with Jack, but maybe that wasn’t so obvious to Ryann. After all, they hardly knew each other. But it was a question she couldn’t stop herself from asking.

[Ryann Taylor G6]

Mack assured Ryann that her assumptions were correct, but she didn't seem to dwell on it. Ryann though that was pretty mature of Mack not to complain. Of course, when viewed in the light that Slytherin was in the negative points, it seemed almost beyond the point of complaint. Mack then gave Ryann what information she did know for the question she had asked about, and then Ryann scribbled down what Mack had said. She noticed that Mack was rather quick with the homework, figuring she must either know what she was doing or she was moving through them quickly just to get them done, even if they weren't correct. Ryann decided it was probably that Mack was just good at Potions, and she went on to the next question. While she was trying to search through the jumbled thoughts she did remember about specific potions and ingredients, Mack's voice interrupted her thoughts.

"Yeah, uh, sure," she replied with a shrug at Mack's question. Ryann always thought it humorous when others would ask if they could ask a question. She was sure she probably did it on occasion too, out of habit of course, but she never could hear the question or ask the question without wondering why people would ask permission to ask a question when they were already asking one by asking permission. It was just one of those random things that Ryann always thought of. Rolling her eyes at her own obsession, she listened as Mack pushed her homework to the side and leaned back in her chair while hiding behind another book. A lump formed in Ryann's throat as she gave a puzzled look at first to Mack's question. "You mean before or after I freak out," she asked, trying to act somewhat casual. "Ummm," she said out loud as she thought. "I don't know really. I mean, I guess I would do something, but it's hard to say what, given that I have never, um, been in that situation." Ryann wondered why Mack would ask her this, and then also wondered what she was thinking of her response. "Any particular reason you ask?" Mack questioned in return.

[Mackenzie Holden]

Mack grinned when Ryann first moved to answer her question, “That’s the thing, isn’t it? You assume you’d freak out, but I haven’t. I’ve just gone comfortably numb with it all. There were times when I thought if I didn’t get to see him I’d die, but those times are far and in between now…” she tucked her hair behind her ear before signing her name at the top of her parchment and blowing on it. The ink dried, and Mack had to return to the journal and song that she had been working on. Ryann continued to answer her question and Mack (who would have normally gotten agitated at the unoriginality of the answer) merely sighed and blotted a spot on her parchment with her blue ink. She hardly heard Ryann ask her why she asked, but she didn’t have to hear in order to know that the question was being asked. It was a question many people had asked her. Dixie, her mother, Trevor, etc. It was a question that was fast becoming well known to Mack and her answer was fast becoming well rehearsed. She finished the word she had started to write in a verse before looking up at Ryann.

“I don’t want to spill my whole ‘love’ story on you, but I guess there’s no harm in telling you the basics.” Mack sucked on the end of her quill and then nodded before setting down the book. “Let’s see if you can follow this, I’m going to make it as simple as possible, yeah? Alright, girl and boy meet. Girl likes boy, boy likes girl. Girl and boy get together. Girl and boy stay together for two years. Suddenly, one day, boy disappears, leaving the girl hanging in the air with all her inspiration sapped because he was her inspiration.” Mack smirked, “Thus, leaving girl behind on her recording, thus making girl’s producer antsy, thus making girl’s manager and contract holder grumpy. So,” she leaned back in her chair and put her feet on the table, “in conclusion. My boyfriend’s gone, my music’s dwindling down to nothing, and my music career is suffering because of that.” She thought this all over, trying to see if it would make sense to someone who wasn’t her. Concluding that it didn’t even make sense to her, Mack shrugged before saying; “I just don’t know if I should forget him and move on… or… wait to see if he ever comes back.”