Fade To Black ((Dixie)

[Mackenzie Holden]

Mack plucked at her guitar, trying to fit her music to any type of lyrics that would come to her. It was harder to write songs at Hogwarts. She didn't have Tommy or anyone to help her when she was stuck. Perhaps she had come to rely too much on him, but Mack needed that extra bit of help. Without it, she rarely ever finished a song and if she did finish it; it was rather bad. The last time she had actually written a decent song was 'It Could Be You' and that was so long ago. That was years ago. Mack sighed and leaned into the leg of the armchair that she was sitting in front of. The Student Lounge was empty, hence her ability to play in it. She enjoyed the solitude, although it meant no excuses for not writing could pop up. In the words of Tommy, 'We need more songs if we wanna make it big, Mack.' Yeah, yeah. Mack thought as she leaned over her guitar and wrote down the words What's Life Got? on the top of the blank page in her diary.

She started to play the song, the music memorized in her mind. Would the technique Tommy had taught her work here? To just open your mouth and sing? Mack sighed, coming to the conclusion that it was worth a shot regardless of how silly it sounded. "Three days, eight hours, fourteen minutes gone. You bend, I'll break like in every song. Maybe I'm too scared to call, maybe I'm too tough to fall." She stopped playing and then smiled slightly, she should listen to her producer more often. She resung the words to herself as she wrote them down in her book. It wasn't a chorus, that in itself was quite obvious. She wrote down 1 and then circled it. Yes. She had the first verse. Bringing her hand back to the guitar, she worked on the next bit. Deciding to skip the chorus, Mack replayed the music she had worked on before and then added new lyrics to it; "I call out for your warm embrace, feel your tears fall upon my face. What makes me so bullet proof? What makes me act so aloof?" Then it came to her. Instead of stopping, Mack continued; "Everything you are. Everything reminds me of, everything you are. Fades to Black, every time I see your face. Screaming the secrets we shared. We fade to black." With a joyful smile, Mack wrote down those words - going back and forth from verse to verse. Then she sang the first verse with the second thing she wrote, realizing that sounded weird; she wrote a 2 next to that and circled it. She then played the first and third thing she wrote together and then nodded. It was most definitely the chorus.

Mack played the song, or what she had of a song, in order. She was actually quite pleased with what she had finished. She started to work on the next verse, because she knew it was finished, and then stopped when she realized someone else was in the room. Looking over her shoulder, Mack let her hand drop roughly against the guitar strings. "Who's there?" She asked. Her voice wasn't shakey in the least bit, in fact it was quite ticked off. She hated when people intruded upon her time. If someone was singing or sometihng, you would think people would respect that and give them their privacy. Apparently not at bloody Hogwarts.

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

Her letter was sent. It didn't matter if she hadn't actually meant to sent it. Because it was gone. Her owl had taken it away and flew off to deliver it to the person Dixie had told it to deliver. It only took her a couple of minutes after to realize, she really hadn't meant to send Dr. Fried a letter and really wanted the letter back. By then it was too late, of course, and she had to deal with the knot in her stomach that was telling her that this was in no way good. She walked down the corridor, holding her stomach with her right hand and keeping her left one on the wall for support. She shouldn't have contacted him. It wasn't like she had put anything revealing in the letter. She just told him things that she should have told him in their first session. Perhaps there was a reason why you hadn't told him, Dix. Perhaps there was a reason why you kept it all coiled up inside of you. Dixie shook her head as the voice echoed in her head. There wasn't any particular reason and if there was, it didn't matter now because... because she had told Adam everything and now she didn't have anything to hide. Tears welled in her eyes, but they weren't tears of pain. They were tears of anger. She pushed her left fist into a ball and dug her nails into the palm of her hand as she continued to walk down the corridor. Her right hand had moved from her stomach and was now clenched at her side.

Come now, Dix. Kurr is better since you've last been, honest. It's pretty and peaceful, even the birds are soaring through the air without a care. Dixie shook her head and leaned against a wall. "No." Why not? Didn't we take care of you while you resided in our midsts? "You.." We did, didn't we? It's all because of your parents that you started to slip from us. It was all because of them that you started to lose control of the only thing you had control of in your life. You gave up your power to control Kurr and gave it to them. Now they control every aspect... everything. Kurr is no longer yours. "Kurr was never mine..." Of course it was you silly girl! The sharp voice of the Government pierced Dixie's eardrum and she cried out quietly, putting her hands over her ears. Why couldn't it just leave her alone? Kurr was yours. You created it. You made it your own by molding it to what it is today. "I didn't. I didn't mold it in any way!" Yes you did, Dix. You took this world that you created and made it destructable. You made Kurr the dark world that it was before you left. Somehow the world restored itself after you left us for that period of time. But now you can come back. You can come back and continue the life you were destined to have. Dixie whimpered and slammed her head against the wall. She didn't feel any pain except for the throbbing in her ears.

She moved her head to bash it against the wall again when she heard music. Opening her eyes which had been squinted shut tightly, Dixie lowered her hands and listened. Soon a voice started to sing. It was a familiar voice. Dix, don't pay attention to that... you aren't of that world. You are otherly.... the Government drowned out as she took a step closer to the music. She opened the door to the room from which the music was coming. She opened it very quietly and slipped in undetected. Mack sat with her back to an armchair, holding her guitar, and singing. Dixie stood in silence as she listened to her younger sister play. When Mack finished, Dixie was about to leave and rush to the Common Room. Before she could... Mack realized she was there. Dixie stopped in midbreath and didn't say anything. After a moment's silence, Dixie cleared her throat; "It's just me. It's not like I haven't heard you sing or play before."

[Mackenzie Holden]

"Yeah, but you never took much interest." Mack fired back at her sister as she leaned the guitar against the armchair and closed her diary. She looked back at Dixie and shook her head. Her sister was absolutely horrible. She put the family through so much turmoil, so much pain, and for the longest time it seemed like she just didn't care. It still seemed like she just didn't care. Dixie had just been going through life on a gliding cloud up on that pedastal their parents had put her on. Mack had envied Dixie at one point in time, but now she just pitied her. What type of person would pretend to be insane and then pretend to be sane just to get out of the hospital she was put into for her first pretend? Mack and Dixie weren't close, and Mack didn't know if she should be thankful or if she should feel bad about it. Weren't sisters, no matter the age difference or blood difference, supposed to be there for each other no matter what? Even Padme and Jack, although brother and sister, were there for each other. Neither of them would admit it of course, but they were.

"Is there something I could do for you, Dixie?" Her blue eyes iced over as she pulled herself up from the ground and looked at her sister. Dixie's brown hair was pulled back into a low pony tail, her uniform was wrinkled and casual like it always was after classes. She wasn't wearing any make up, which wasn't as weird as it used to be, and she didn't do anything with her nails either like she usually did. Her eyes seemed to be waiting for something to make them spring with emotion. It was her eyes that frightened Mack the most. Her eyes and their redness, their fright. She broke the eye contact and then fiddled with her leather bracelet that was on her left wrist. Dixie had scared her after she had been sent to Bethlem, especially because it was the episode on the train that had sent her there. They were never really close. But when Dixie became 'insane' the two drifted apart even more. Mack was afraid that it was contagious, and Dixie had been afraid that Mack was right. They both knew it.

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

Dixie fidgeted at Mack's harsh words, knowing she was probably quite a sight for her younger sister's eyes. Dixie subconsciously brought her right hand to her hair, hoping that at least that aspect of her body was presentable. Before everything she had worried about one hair being out of place. Now she just didn't care. She didn't care so much that she had to be reminded a bit to do something with her hair every now and then so it didn't just lay limp at her shoulders. Recently, however, she had taken to doing her hair a bit more and taking time to decide her outfits. Instead of wearing just mary janes, she had taken her boots out of her trunk and was beginning to wear those more often as well. All in all she was just starting to care some more. She let her hand fall to her side and then nearly winced as Mack asked if there was something she could do for Dixie.

"No. This is a public room, Mack. I can be in here if I wish." She shifted her weight from her right foot to her left and then looked toward a chair in the corner before making her way over to it. Dixie didn't look back at Mack, instead, she curled up in the arm chair and looked out the window which allowed her to see the beginning of a rather bad storm. Dixie sighed, even the weather was depressing. She leaned her head against the back of the chair and then closed her eyes. Aren't you sick of Earth yet? Wouldn't you like to return to Kurr, where it's beautiful and wonderous? "No..." Dixie whispered. Why not? Kurr was always home to you. Always welcoming. "No it wasn't. When the Government... it... came out, Kurr was horrifying. Kurr was nothing beautiful and nothing longing." Her voice was low but she knew Mack would be able to hear her at least whispering something. At least in Kurr you don't have to worry about what others think. "Yes, I do. I have to care there even more than I do here." Is that really what you think? "No. It's what I know."

Know? You don't know anything you stupid girl! Dixie opened her eyes and looked at Mack. The voices kept speaking, You want peace? You want happiness? You can't get it there, Dix. You can only get it here. From Kurr. From the place you created. From us. We are of you and you of us. Dixie stood from her spot and walked back over to Mack, determined to make it shut up. "I need to talk to you.."

[Mackenzie Holden]

Mack scowled and returned to her guitar as her sister made her way to a chair by the windows. She plucked at the strings, making annoying twangy noises. Maybe then Dixie would leave. No such luck. Mack stopped the noises as she heard Dixie muttering to herself. She rolled her eyes, wondering if Dixie was just trying to put on appearances. When Dixie stopped, Mack continued to pluck at her guitar strings, her annoyance rising. She ran her fingers through her hair and sighed before leaning against the chair. Her guitar stayed in her lap and she tried to get some lyrics to flow from her. She was interuppted when Dixie approached her, saying that they needed to talk. She raised an eyebrow and then set her guitar down, before motioning for Dixie to take a spot.

"You can talk, I might listen." She wasn't going to promise anything. Dixie hadn't changed, she just grew to an even more evil being. Mack hated her. She hated her with such a passion. But in order to hate, there has to be love to fuel the hate. So maybe she did love her older sister. Maybe.. just maybe she felt some sense of connection to her. But how much of a connection she wasn't too sure of.

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

Dixie had to control herself so she wouldn't wince at Mack's harsh tone. For years and years Dixie was the cold Holden sister. Now Mack was fullfilling that role quite nicely. She slid down onto the floor across from her younger sister and then took a deep breath. Everything Adam had told her and helped her through flooded over her and she found herself wondering if she could do anything. If she could ever be normal again. What was normal for her anyway? Dixie scowled slightly and then regained her posture. She could do whatever she set her mind to. She was sure. "No, Mackenzie, you'll listen and you'll respond, whether you want to or not. You want to understand me, I see that in your eyes. You gave up but you still wonder why I act the way I am." She glared lightly at Mack, her brown eyes turning as icy as the colour brown could turn. That was one of the bigger things Dixie envied about her sister. The blueness of her eyes.

After a moment of silence, Dixie started to speak again. "I know you think I pretended to be sane to leave." She stopped a moment and then sighed, "I did. There's so much that you wouldn't be able to understand unless you were there. Unless you lived in that place. I don't expect you to understand. I think the person who has ever come close to understanding is Adam, and... that's different." She smiled softly at that thought and then realized she needed to continue to talk, "I am insane. Schizo, rather. I know you know about my condition, but I don't think you completely understand. I hear voices, I lived in an alternate universe half the time, and I believed myself to be someone I'm not." She raised an eyebrow and then turned her legs to be tucked underneath her.

"A lot of things happened to me, Mack. A lot of bad things. Things that you wouldn't be able to grasp unless it happened to you. Don't ask me what happened, because that will come on it's own. I just told Adam what happened a couple of days ago and I hadn't even meant to tell him everything. It just came out. And that sucked the energy from me. I don't know if I can repeat it and actually be able to make it back to the dorms afterward. Just trust me when I say it was bad and I'm not exaggerating." Dixie was pleading by now, trying to keep the tears from escaping beneath her lids. She couldn't cry. What would Mack think? What would she do or say? Dixie bit her lip in anticipation.