Oblivious? ((Myka))

[katy]

Why was life going so horrible? Why did she have to care so much about what other people thought? The only thing that was making her happy she was now avoiding. Looking up from the book that lay open in front of her, Katy stared dumb fondly at the loud whispers. Just a couple feet in front of her, were four girls leaning in closer to each other, staring at her? Sighing, Katy turned the page of her book, scribbling down some words on her parchment. She had to concentrate on Herbology. Katy rested her elbow on the table perching her head up in her palm trying to read. But Katy's mind was on someone else. Myka. Closing her eyes, images of the past month showed up. Whenever Katy would come across the girl, she would run in the other direction or just walk past her without saying a word. There was even a time when Myka came up to her, but Katy gave the girl the cold shoulder and talked to her friend instead. "Stupid! What are you doing?" Katy thought rubbing her eyes. What was she doing? Hearing those whispers again, Katy slammed the book closed. "Shut up! Just shut up! There's nothing special about me. So go on with your own boring lives and don't stick your noses where they don't belong ever again!" she yelled at them setting the shoulder strap on her shoulder and at a brisk walk, headed out of the library.

Katy made her way through the crowded hallways, her red hair bouncing at her shoulders. It was lunch time anyway. Pushing open the wooden doors to the Great Hall, Katy made her way toward the Hufflepuff table. Stopping to look at the Ravenclaw table, she looked down the rows for Myka. She wasn’t there. Running her fingers through her hair, Katy took a seat down with three other girls who were ‘supposedly’ her friends. They looked up from their food as if something sat down that didn’t belong. Piling her plate up with food, Katy slammed the pudding down on the plate, jumping back as it splattered a tiny bit on her black vest. Taking a napkin, she quickly dab the stain. “Is it true Katy?” one of the girls asked making Katy stop in mid dab. “About what?” Setting the napkin back down on the table her than poured some pumpkin juice into a goblet. “That you’re….gay,” the same girl asked, leaning in closer when she said the word. Katy looked up from the plate, wondering what to say. “What do you think?” she asked sarcastically taking a drink from the goblet. “Well people said that you kissed Myka. Is it true or not?”

Running her fingers through her red hair tiredly, Katy looked down at the table. She remembered that kiss. Katy had felt like flying through the clouds, and she literally was after entering the common room. She was completely oblivious that someone up coming up from behind her. “No. She tripped and her lips just suddenly caught on mine.”

[Myka Young R6]

Myka’s anger was apparent to anyone who bothered to look at her. She hadn’t done any of her homework, which was odd for her and her teachers were starting to become concerned. She should have seen this coming. She should have known Katy wouldn’t be able to sit there and take all that people were saying about her. Slowly, Myka watched Katy slip away from her. She tried to hold on, to keep their connection alive and strong, but Katy didn’t want it. So it slowly drowned, and disappeared beneath the deep blue of the ocean. Myka’s eyes teared up, something they hadn’t done in years but had been doing often enough this past month. In anger and frustration, she slammed the book shut that was lying open in front of her on the table. She was in the Ravenclaw common room, and there were a few other students in there studying. Leave it to the Ravenclaws to be braniacs. Myka couldn’t study anymore. The words just ran together. She shoved her book away from her and put her head in her arms on the table. Taking a deep breath, she forced the tears away, and tried to collect herself.

She sat there for thirty minutes, her eyes closed, focusing on her breathing. It was when her stomach growled that she realized it was time for lunch. Myka sighed, lifted her head and looked around the common room, noticing it was empty. She stood, grabbed her backpack and headed out of the common room. Her shirt was wrinkled and wasn’t tucked in, her tie loose, and her skirt worn a little higher than usual. Her knee high white socks were topped off with her black clogs; she hadn’t done much with her appearance. She had stopped caring after awhile. It was absurd to think Myka was hurting so much because of one girl. How many girls had Myka dated? How many had she thought she loved? Yes, but how many did you actually care for? Myka sighed, crossed her arms, and continued to the Great Hall. It was as if the moment she entered it, all conversations stopped. But that wasn’t real. She was just imagining it. She started to walk over to the Ravenclaw table when she spotted a familiar flash of red hair.

With determination set on her face, Myka changed her direction. She could feel all eyes on her, but at that moment she really didn’t care. She happened to be right behind Katy when she made up some rather bad lie about the kiss. Myka smirked, and leaned over so her face was right next to the girl’s, “You know, if you’re going to lie Himemiya, you might as well make it a good one.” Myka kissed her cheek and then pulled on Katy’s arm. She nearly yanked her out of her seat, but within moments she was dragging Katy out of the Great Hall. “You have got some nerve!” she yelled at her as she spun Katy around so she could look directly at her.

[katy]

Katy looked up from the plate as she only heard silence. What this was odd? These girls were normally chatter boxes and talked endlessly about boys and makeup. Normally they would just move onto a new topic already. Noticing a terrified look in their eyes she than jumped suddenly at a familiar voice. Directing her head in the other direction as Myka kissed her check, Katy closed her eyes. What was Myka doing? The girl was only making this whole situation worse. Though there was just a little bit of spark that happened within side Katy when Myka kissed her. Running her free hand through her curly mess of hair, Katy's eyes shot right open as her hand was being yanked in the other direction. The table shook slightly causing the cup to fall over, juice soaking the table. She glared at Myka's hand, mentally wishing that it would just vanish. There could have been an easier way to get Katy's attention. A simple whisper that said we needed to talk would have been fine. Though, Katy didn't think she would if that were the case.

When the two were outside of the Great Hall, Myka spun her around to face her. Pulling her hand away from the girl's Katy rubbed her wrist. "The nerve? Look whose talking! Maybe if you would of asked to talk to me nicely would have worked instead of dragging me half way across the hall," Katy spoke, looking down at the ground. Her blue eyes began to tear up, not because of her wrist, but because of how she was acting. Katy couldn't look at Myka without feeling guilty. "Look, I'm sorry.....I'm sorry that I have been avoiding you in the past few weeks, but I really think we shouldn't see each other that much," she spoke, her voice quivering. It wasn't what she wanted, but it was the only thing that flashed into Katy's mind.

[Myka Young R6]

Myka’s eyes sparked with anger and disbelief, “Would you have honestly followed me if I had just asked you to talk? You’ve been treating me as if I have a disease for the past month, Katy. And I find that hilarious, ha ha HA, because you were the one afraid of me avoiding you, afraid of others avoiding you. You know, I don’t think you can get anymore fake!” Myka’s brown eyes blazed with anger, and hurt. But she didn’t let too much of the hurt show. At least, not until Katy said what she wanted. She couldn’t really want that. Myka tilted her head slightly to the right, her eyes narrowed as she watched Katy avoid eye contact. That was the dead give away that what she was saying wasn’t what she wanted at all. Myka sighed and looked down as well, upset that their relationship had come to this. They stood in silence for a few moments and then Myka looked up again.

She reached out, and was about to caress her cheek when she noticed the group of girls out of the corner of her eye. Instead, she grabbed Katy’s hand and pulled her down the hall into an empty classroom. She locked the door and turned to her. “Is that really what you want, Himemiya? Can you look me in the eye and tell me you don’t want to talk to me ever again?” Her voice was a whisper, in case the other girls were listening on the other side of the door, but it was weak and tired. Tears were in her eyes again, and she kept them from falling, but they weren’t going away either.

[katy]

Katy closed her eyes as Myka spoke. Her heart had felt like a wooden stake had been plunged into it. Fake is what Katy exactly was. All what the girl had said was true. Katy would have never followed Myka out of the hall if she asked her nicely. She did tell her friend that she was afraid of people thinking she was a walking disease, and was treating Myka like one. Katy wanted to hug her friend and cry into her shoulder. She wanted to get all the tears of guilt, sadness, and anger out. But she didn't. Katy stood as still as a cold, heartless statue. Her eyes still avoided Myka's, but there was silence between the two. Why had Myka just walked away too never talk to Katy ever again? Her heart than began to leap knowing that the girl was about to touch her, but soon stopped. Instead Myka took her hand and led her to an empty classroom where she locked the door behind them.

Closing her eyes shut even harder to hold back the tears, Katy listened. Her heart was telling her to cry out no, but her brain was telling her to say yes. Why were they both so different? When Katy felt that there was enough silence between the two, she took a step closer to Myka. Taking the girls hand, Katy set it on her check, savoring the warmth. "I don't know what I want Myka! I'm just digging myself into a deeper hole than before," she whispered finally letting the tears run down her face.

[Myka Young R6]

Myka watched, merely a spectator, as Katy took a step closer to her, grabbed her hand and set it on her cheek. Myka’s tears fell as she spoke and as she cried. In one swift motion, she wiped away Katy’s tears and pulled the girl close to her. Holding her in a tight hug, but one with such emotion it nearly made her cry even more. Her tears were just slowly falling; she needed to make sure she had at least some control over her emotions. She held Katy for awhile and then sighed before speaking, “I can’t have you ignore me, Katy. I’m a human, just like you. If you’re going to listen to those girls, I don’t know if what I saw in you in the beginning is real. I don’t know if you’re really the person I thought you were.” Myka tore away from the hug and wiped Katy’s still falling tears away with her thumb. She pulled Katy toward her and kissed her forehead, a soft and gentle kiss.

“I don’t want to be the cause of any pain for you, but if I can’t be at least a friend to you, then I don’t think I can stand school anymore. There is always going to be rumors. There is always going to be people who hate us, who hate who we are. But we have to be strong enough to not let it get to us. I thought you were strong enough, but I guess I was wrong. You aren’t the person I thought you were. You aren’t even close to the person.” Myka looked at Katy with such hurt and disbelief that she almost felt like she was in a dream, “You need to make up your mind… to take control of your life…”

[katy]

More and more tears began to fall from Katy's eyes. Myka was quick at reacting, and wiped the rolling tears from her checks. Letting the girl pull her into a huge, Katy buried her head into Myka's shoulder and wept. Everything was spilling out of her eyes into the white blouse. All the anger, confusion, guilt and more, each in every tear drop. Katy had never felt like this before. The only time when she really ever cried when she did was when her mother left. Still, Katy wasn't over it. She felt as if her mother had abounded her. But this was so much different. The choice that Katy decided depended on whether or not Myka would still be in life. If she just cut her only source of happiness off, Katy would never be the same anymore.

With each Word Myka was saying was driving the stake further into Katy's heart. Feeling a soft kiss on her forehead, her crying began to calm down and ears listening to everything Myka had to say. When she finished, Katy looked up from the girl's shoulder and into her eyes, seeing all the pain that she caused in them. Katy took a step back from Myka, so the girl could look at her. Taking both of Myka's hands in her, Katy slipped her fingers through the carress of the girl's. "I've never meant to cause you such pain, but do you know how I'm feeling at the moment? They talk about us being this couple, when honestly I don't know what we are," Katy said, her voice trying to be strong. "Are we friends, are we foes, or are we partners?"

Katy than took a deep breath. Why did she just have to go screw up her life? Why couldn't it still have been that day out on the lake? "I'm not as strong as you think I am Myka. I'm just like a twig. If you step on it, it breaks." Squezing her friends hand she closed her eyes tight to stop herself from crying. "What ever decision I choose to follow, I want you to remember that I care about you so much, and that you’re still my Uthena, and I’m you Himemiya."

[Myka Young R6]

Myka allowed a small smile to appear on her face when Katy slipped her hand in Myka’s. But it wilted and flickered away when she started to speak. Anger crossed into her eyes and Myka pulled her hands away, “Does it matter? I care for you, Katy. More than I’ve cared for anyone ever. Isn’t that enough? Why would want to get into the mess that is a relationship? Can’t we just be? No labels?” Myka’s voice was rising, and her slight annoyance was very clear in how she spoke with her hands accentuating everything she said. She sighed and sat down at an empty desk, what had she gotten herself into? This was why she never got involved with anyone, why she never had any best friends. She would care too much for them and get hurt too much when they decided she wasn’t what they expected.

“Would Anthy Himemiya treat Utena this way? With shame?” Myka finally asked, her eyes shooting darts.

[katy]

Katy's eyes snapped open suddenly as she watched Myka's hand disappear from her own. Looking up into the girl's brown eyes, she took a tentative step back. She had only seen this side of Myka once, but that was at the very beginning of the school year. "Were already labeled Myka! Everyone is labeled, even if they know it or not. I only wanted to know that you did care for me because I don't think I could stand trying to keep my feelings from you if you never felt the same back," she said with only a hint of anger in her voice. Katy bit down hard on the side of her check to keep the tears were they belonged. Inside of her eyes. She had never hurt anyone like this before. There was once a time when one of her friends began to not hang around her, but other people who felt sorry for her. Katy told her friend off and hurt the girl's feelings forever. She had learned from that lesson, but now, it was all coming back.

Feeling heat rise into her checks, Katy looked down at the ground so Myka wouldn’t notice. Memories of the anime flowed into her mind. That wasn't exactly true. "Himemiya was a woman who barely showed about how she felt, even to Uthena. There might have been some times when she did, but why did Himemiya cheat on Uthena with her brother? Why did she kill the one she loved because Uthena couldn't be her prince?" Katy began slowly taking backward steps toward the other side of the room. "Then why did Uthena go out with Himemiya's brother and never told her. They had bumps in the road Myka, where they did shame each other, but in the end love brought them together. That’s how things go when two people really care for each other."

When her back reached up against the wall, Katy leaned up against it. Still seeing anger flash into Myka's eyes Katy finally decided. "If you don't think you can see what you saw in me before than just leave," she said, her voice quivering. Slowly falling to the ground, Katy rested her head in her knees. "Just go away!"

[Myka Young R6]

"No, Katy! You won't allow yourself to be labelled. You're too afraid that it will lead you to being isolated and friendless. I'm labelled, and it hasn't hurt me. Yet you make up bad lies about what's went on just because you're confused as to what we are? Couldn't have just said 'I don't know'?! No, you couldn't, because you're too frightened to live up to what you are! Katy, you are GAY! And whether or not we are anything you are still gay!" Myka scowled, her eyes bright with anger and maybe a little bit of disappointment. She had honestly thought Katy was above all the rumors and the lies that went around this school. Obviously, Myka was mistaken. She turned around and was about to open the door when Katy started to talk about Utena and Himemiya. Myka turned around quickly, her eyes throwing daggers at her.

"Don't preach to me about them, Katy! I'm not talking that shame. I'm talking hiding who they really are because they want to be accepted! Something you're doing! Why can't you grow up?! You aren't nearly the person I thought you were. I guess I've learned my mistake." And before Katy could say anything more, Myka opened the door and stepped out - slamming it shut behind her on Katy's command to go away. Her breathing was fast and angered, she turned down the hall and headed toward the main staircase. There was the bunch of girls that Katy had been sitting with. They all stopped talking and looked at her with disgust, Myka smirked. "I pity you." She said, "All you feel is what you're told to feel. You'll never know freedom, you'll never know true love as what it is. Because you care more about what your place in society is more than you care about happiness." And with that, Myka rounded the staircase and headed toward the Ravenclaw common room.