Can't Take Anymore ((Brant))

[Jasmine Anderson]

Jasmine sighed contently as she looked up at the green chalk board in front of the class checking to make sure she had everything right. Professor Snape was sitting at his desk grading papers as the rest of the NEWT student finished up with their potions. Her nodded as her eyes went down the list of directions occasionally looking at the cauldron in front of her. Potions was an easy course for Jasmine and she rather enjoyed brewing ingredients together. Smiling as everything was set to turn in, Jasmine poured a little of the potion into a small flask that was labeled with her name on it. She was quite proud of herself. Not once did Jasmine look up across the room to meet Brantley’s crystal blue eyes. Jasmine was not ignoring him, but it was completely opposite. He was the one completely ignoring her. At least it was too last in the year for him to change classes. That couldn’t stop him from being in the same small room as her. Pulling the chair back, Jasmine stood from the table ready to turn in her work. Before she could even stop herself, her hazel eyes flickered across the calm features of Brantley’s face. He was stirring the liquid around with a wooden spoon not even looking up. Did he feel like this when she ignored him? Gasping as she collided with another student a small shriek escaped her throat as the other students potion landed on her clothes. Jasmine tried hard to keep calm, but instantly flew out of the room before Professor Snape could even say a word and not even knowing she left her bag behind.

Cursing darkly under her breath Jasmine bounded angrily up the stairs to the Ravenclaw common room. Her uniform was completely ruined. Most potion stains never came out, especially black liquids. At least it wasn’t stinging. Jasmine didn’t feel like going to the Hospital Wing. Quickly muttering the password to the portrait, Jasmine ran up the stairs to the sixth year dorm room. There wasn’t anyone else in the room. Most of the girls had classes this period. “I’m so stupid!” she pouted quickly peeling off the stained clothes. She should had stayed to handle the situation instead of flee. It looked like she was good at running away from confrontations. Taking out her favorite flowered shirt with a tie on the back, she tugged on a pair of jeans to match the shirt. Crumbling the stained uniform in a roll Jasmine set it in the back of her trunk closing it shut. At least this potion was odorless so there wouldn’t be a stench. All she had to do was throw away the clothes. Looking around the room her shoulder bag, a cringe of fear struck her as she realized it was still back in the dungeons. Groaning Jasmine left the dorm room to the court yard for a small walk. She didn’t quite feel up to retrieving the bag at that moment.

The sun was shinning lightly down on the grounds making the grass look greener than it already was. Taking a deep breath from the bottom of her lungs, Jasmine plopped herself down on the closet bench. Picking a flower from the ground below her, she brought her knees to her chest twirling the stem between her fingers. ‘It was just a bad day,’ he voices in the back of her were telling her. What if everyday will be like this?’ Shaking her head Jasmine picked the petal slowly not even noticing or caring about the mount of time passing by. There was a large pile of petals on her lap as her eyes began to get heavy from lack of sleep. Without even resisting anymore, Jasmine rested her check against the stone wall, her eyes closed peacefully the green steem still being twirled between her fingers.

[Brantley Chapman R7]

Life was hell. Brantley Chapman had established this with excellence over the past fortnight. Now, as he stirred his potion and kept his telescope eyes on the black liquid in the pewter cauldron, he couldn’t help but let his mind wander over what had happened since February. The night Jasmine had ran out of the ball after he had kissed her, Brantley felt rejection and because of that rejection he felt fear. The next time they spoke was in the Great Hall, and that was when his fear turned to anger. Then the time after that, it had been because he had trashed his dorm room. They hadn’t spoken since, but not because she was avoiding him, no, quite the opposite actually. He was avoiding her. The realization that went through Brantley’s mind was that she was safer if he stayed away from her. If she wasn’t around him, she wasn’t susceptible to his violent outbursts that were bound to happen. No, she was safer when she wasn’t with him. At least, until he got the bipolar problem figured out and was under medication for it. The thought still shocked him. He, Brantley, was bipolar. It wasn’t too far fetched, but it was rather… scary. “Em, Brant? Your spoon’s dissolving.” Brantley, now jostled from his thoughts, quickly took the spoon out of the potion and grabbed up a glass vial to fill up with the potion. “Mate? I don’t think it’s supposed to dissolve anything. Are you sure you did it right?” Brantley stopped himself from plunging his hand into the potion and looked up at the chalkboard. The chances of him getting this potion right were slim. He ran through all he had done and checked the list before realizing his mistake.

“I forgot to add eye of newt.” He muttered as he dropped the small eyeball into the potion. It immediately sent up a putrid smell that made Brantley want to gag, well at least his potion was done with. He was about to dip the vial into the cauldron when there was a shriek from the front of the class. He looked up for the first time that class hour and saw Jasmine rushing past his table to the door. He looked over at his housemate next to him and raised an eyebrow. Snape continued the class as usual, and Brantley shrugged before capping his vial and heading to the front of the room. Snape overlooked it and then nodded rather reluctantly. Brantley received an E, which was fine with him, and he turned to head back to his table to gather his things and leave when he noticed Jasmine’s book bag at her table. He grabbed it and then grabbed his things before exiting the dungeon that smelt of horrid potions. He didn’t know what he was going to do with her book bag, and he knew he must have looked odd carrying around two book bags. After much debate with himself, Brantley decided that he should at least track her down and give it to her. Even though that decision made him feel sick to his stomach, he knew he couldn’t just leave it in the common room. Which was where he dropped his book bag off first before leaving and trying to find her.

It didn’t take him long. He found her in the courtyard, and although his mind told him to just turn around and leave the book bag in the common room; he made his way over to her. She had her head rested against the wall and seemed to be sleeping. It wasn’t terribly late, but he could understand how she could be tired at the hour. Brantley quietly approached her. Feeling his heart quicken with each step he made. Perhaps he could just set the book bag down beside her and disappear without her realizing he was ever there? Was that too unrealistic? Brantley gently set the book bag beside her and was about to turn and head back toward the Ravenclaw common room, but he couldn’t. She looked so peaceful, so beautiful. He couldn’t just walk away. Before he could even think, he knelt down beside her and pushed a stray strand of hair out of her face. “I’m sorry that I’ve been avoiding you,” he whispered, “I just thought it would be for the best,” he looked at her, half hoping she heard him and half hoping she didn’t. Then he reached over and kissed her forehead gently before pushing himself up and turning to walk away.

[Jasmine Anderson]

Jasmine slowly fell into a light sleep, everything around black and empty with no hope of dreaming. The coolness of the stone wall against her pale face made her cheek fall numb. There would probably be little lines or tiny pieces of stone in her cheek when she woke up. That’s what happened all the time when she fell asleep in anyone of her long sleeved shirts. Jasmine normally didn’t dream. Maybe twice a month, but that was only if she was lucky. Daydreaming was easier for Jasmine to escape to her won little reality. Didn’t everyone have that place in their mind they visited? It didn’t take people many guesses to what she dreamed about either. Well only people that were very close to her, though a lot of people knew about her love with horses. The suns rays shined warmly on Jasmine as the muscles in her body began to relax. She could hear a familiar velvet voice through the darkness of her mind. Her breath stopped shortly feeling something brush her cheek softly telling her it was only for the best. Could she be imagining this? The best for whom? I know I messed up, but I don’t want to live like this anymore!’ screamed the voice inside her head which instantly made Jasmine wake up.

Her eyes fell upon the back of Brantley Chapman who was only a few feet from her. “Brantley?” she whispered rubbing the sleep away from her eyes. Looking back up in the direction she instantly stood from the bench. “Brantley! Please stop!” Jasmine screamed after him quickening her pace. Grabbing his wrist gently, she dug her heels into the ground, abruptly pulling back on his arm to stop him. Her hazel eyes met Brantley’s gaze, a look of loneliness reflecting into his. “Please….” She begged giving his wrist a gentle squeeze, her eyes never leaving his. “At least just come and sit with me. We don’t have to talk if you don’t really want too.” Dragging Brantley across the courtyard back toward the bench Jasmine sat down on one side, her hand still grasping onto his skin. Jasmine didn’t want him to leave her without a word. So she didn’t let go. “Thank you for bringing my bag.” Jasmine’s gaze fell upon the blue back bag smiling gratefully that she didn’t have to face Professor Snape again.

Sighing Jasmine pulled Brantley down beside her, releasing her grip on his wrist. “Sorry was just making sure you wouldn’t run away. Unless I have something on my face or am wearing my shirt backwards.” Looking down at her top her lips twitched into a smile noticing it was just fine. She did get dressed in quite haste. There was silence between as Jasmine stared at the other students in the courtyard wondering if he would say anything.

[Brantley Chapman R7]

He was hoping he’d at least make it half way across the courtyard before Jasmine woke up, but since when have his hopes fallen through? Especially in the past couple of months? Jasmine had screamed his name, telling him to wait. He closed his eyes and continued to walk, and he didn’t stop until he felt Jasmine grab his wrist and pull him back. He stopped walking and turned around to face her, his jaw set in grim determination. He wouldn’t stay too long, just long enough to… to… to what? Be satisfied? To fill his Jasmine quotient for the day? That was an absurd thought, and Brantley knew it as he thought it, but he couldn’t help but think that maybe that was an accurate description. He had been avoiding her so much recently that he felt empty and the only way to feel whole again could only be to spend time with her. That was out of the question, though, and Brant hated it. There wasn’t anything he could about it, either. “Jasmine, I…” but before he could say anything she was dragging him to the bench she had been sitting on, or rather sleeping on, only moments before. He did want to talk, he just didn’t trust himself enough to say the right thing. Besides, if she made him mad enough… who knew what would happen? Brantley didn’t want another scene like they had the day out in the Entrance Hall. He didn’t want to be that person again. He hated it when he was that person.

Jasmine sat down, thanking him for bringing her bag to her, and then she pulled him down to sit beside her. With a sigh, Brantley collapsed onto the bench and slouched so his neck was resting on the curve of the back. He looked over at her, his blue eyes apologetic, but the words weren’t leaving his mouth. He smiled softly as she apologized for grabbing his wrist, “You look perfect, Jasmine, don’t worry.” He ruffled his hair slightly before slouching even more in his seat. There was a silence around them and Brantley knew he had to break it or else they’d just sit there in the silence for as long as they could. “Look,” he said suddenly, not taking his eyes off the ground that he had been staring at for the past five minutes, “I know you don’t want me to avoid you, trust me; that’s the last thing I wanted to do. But… I didn’t want to hurt you or let you see me like I was that one day in the dorm.” He crossed his arms as he looked up from the ground and into Jasmine’s eyes. “I’m a jerk, I know it, and this is one jerk who doesn’t want to see you get hurt by what he does.” He sighed again and watched her as he waited for a response. Brantley felt for Jasmine, he really cared for her, and that was the whole reason why he had been avoiding her. He should have known that avoiding someone wasn’t the answer to any problem, especially since she had avoided him and that hadn’t gotten them anywhere good.

[Jasmine Anderson]

Jasmine’s gaze followed the group of younger years that were throwing around a quaffle to each other. Her lips turned into a small smile when she heard Brantley say she looked perfect. He always knew what exactly to say to girls even when they avoided him for so long. There was silence against expect for the chatter of the students around the courtyard. She noticed that the students who were throwing the quaffle had taken their game somewhere else. Hearing Brantley speak, Jasmine looked at him, her gaze dropping to the ground to where he was staring. Jasmine listened to his words, biting the side of cheek to stop her self from tearing up. Why did she cry so easily? It was always hard for Jasmine to keep control of her emotions. When Brantley looked up at her, she stared into his eyes contently. Her head shook from side to side as he finished. “And here you had me believing that you were avoiding me just to feel like you did when I did the same.” Running her hands through her hair she sighed, still biting the side of her cheek. “You’re not a jerk Brantley! No where near it. That guy isn’t who you are. You’re not angry, or blurting out things that hurt deep.” Looking away she remembered when he talked about her mother. That was the only thing that made her want to slap him across the face. She should have, but that would have helped the situation. “Even when you were angry, I knew that you wouldn’t hurt me physical. Not ever.”

Folding her hands into her lap she drummed her fingers together not looking up. “I can’t do this anymore Brantley!” she blurted feeling her eyes sting with tears. “I don’t want to avoid you and I don’t want you to avoid me. You may think that avoiding me will protect me from that side of you, but it isn’t working…” Jasmine ranted stopping herself as she took in a deep breath. “I sound so pathetic,” she whispered to herself running her fingers through her dark, long hair. “It’s only making me fill with this…emptiness. I tried going back to my old habits before I met you, but it just wasn’t the same.” Jasmine looked up from her lap at Brantley her hazel eyes sparkling into his blue ones. She wasn’t good at explaining her deep feelings, especially ones that involves something this powerful. Then it finally hit her. She needed Brantley Chapman in her life, but did he need her? “I really can’t stop you from avoiding me if you don’t feel the same,” she spoke sighing as she looked away from him. “Just tell me that you don’t care anymore and I’ll make sure I’ll stay away from you.”

[Brantley Chapman R7]

Brantley looked over at her with such disbelief in his eyes there was no way anyone could think he was lying. “Jasmine, I would never do something like that. That very thought was the thing that was eating me up inside. I couldn’t bare the thought of you thinking I was doing all this to… to give you a taste of your own medicine. I’m not that type of guy,” and he wasn’t. Brantley had never believed in making others feel his pain as a result of revenge. What would come to them, would come to them. A sense of ‘what goes around comes around’ was something Brantley believed in strongly. Having Jasmine think that maybe he was doing all that to hurt her the way she had hurt him made him want to just have another outburst. He clenched his fist and closed his eyes, trying to control the anger he felt toward himself so he wouldn’t do just that. When she spoke again, Brantley opened his eyes, but didn’t unclench his fist. He looked over at her, his blue eyes holding so much patience that no one would ever think that there was a war waging inside him over his anger and his depression. His passive eyes wavered slightly as she mentioned him saying things that hurt her deeply. He looked down then, and shook his head; “I didn’t mean that. It’s just… I was looking for any possible way to make you feel like… you didn’t matter, and that… was the only thing I could think of.” He had unclenched his fist, his anger having subsided but now being replaced by guilt and uneasiness. “It worked, but you still meant the world to me after I said it.” At least she knew he wouldn’t hurt her physically, Brantley couldn’t live with himself if he had harmed her in any way physically. Which was half the reason why he had avoided her. Fear that he might not be able to control his actions.

Before he could say anything more, Jasmine was saying she couldn’t do it anymore. He looked at her with those calm eyes as she continued to go on about how them avoiding each other wasn’t helping anything at all, in fact it was just making matters worse. He agreed with her, too, but what could they do? He had tried to live his life without her, but now that she had made this grand entrance – he couldn’t get over it. He couldn’t get over her. As she spoke the last sentence, he felt anger boil up inside him again. This time not the type of anger that ended in arguments, but the type of anger that showed how much you care about a person. Brantley sat in silence for a moment, letting his anger die down and then he took a deep breath; “You,” he said with a shake of his head, “are crazy, if you think I don’t care anymore.” Brantley reached over and tucked a strand of hair behind Jasmine’s ear before smiling, “Jasmine… you mean everything to me. You’re all I think about. You’ve got me insanely…” he trailed off, leaving his sentence hanging in mid air. He didn’t want to say something to scare her away. He didn’t want to say something that would make her avoid him again, even though she had said all that about not being able to avoid him anymore. The truth was, after she had run from him he had realized something. Jasmine was the one. And even if she didn’t think he was the one for her, he knew she was the one for him. Brantley looked into Jasmine’s eyes and shook his head, “I care.” He whispered, deciding against using the phrase he had almost said.

[Jasmine Anderson]

Jasmine felt a wave of guilt rush through her as she stared into Brantley’s honest eyes. It had been the first thing that came into mind when he started to avoid her. When something like that happened, some thought it was best to get even with them. Brantley wasn’t one of those people. So why had she thought that? “I know your not, but when you had those outbursts I thought you weren’t in control of your self...” she began her hand slowly reached out to touch Brantley’s, her fingers hovering of his. Pulling her hand back she just stared into his eyes. “This is who you are now. The Brantley that is so patient and willing to help.” Jasmine smiled a small smile as she folded her hands back into her lap. “The Brantley that has every girl wanting you to save them because they think your so romantic, and yet you waste your time on someone who can’t even make up her own mind about her heart.” Looking away from him, Jasmine hoped she didn’t cause his anger to raise a level. Jasmine didn’t mind watching out to make sure she didn’t do anything that would upset him in anyway. If that meant she would spend time with him talking to her, then she would most definitely do that. Her eyes fell upon his hands which were clenched in fists. She wanted to reach out and comfort him, but he seemed to have himself in control. Jasmine felt her eyes sting again with tears as he told he his reason for avoiding her. When he said that she meant the world to him she smiled nodding her head. “How wonderful life is now you're in the world...’ she sang softly hoping he understand what she meant.

There was an uneasy silence between them after Jasmine had put her feelings out there on the table. Was he just taking a bite, leaving her unfinished? She was just waiting for him to take the easy way out and tell her he didn’t care that much, but was shocked to see what he did next. Her eyes closed briefly feeling the brush of Brantley’s finger across her cheek as he tucked her hair behind her ear. Jasmine felt her heart pounding loudly in her chest ready to explode as she waited for that one word every girl wanted to hear. When Brantley didn’t say it, she opened her eyes, a tear escaping her eye. It wasn’t a tear of sadness but happiness that she finally could hear him say that. “Love…” she spoke softly smiling as her hands gently caressed the side of his face. Without even thinking, Jasmine got closer to him until she was just an inch away from him, her breath heavy. “I love you Brantley Chapman…” Jasmine whispered fighting the urge to just lean in that extra way to kiss him. Instead she leaned her forehead against his, her eyes closed as she continued breathing heavily.

[Brantley Chapman R7]

Brantley grinned when she said that this was who he really was. The patient guy who was willing to do anything to just get through it all. His grin slipped into a frown, though, when she subtly put herself down. “I’m just me, I’m not some romance novel hero, or some… movie star in a film about love. I’m me, and you understand that, you’re willing to see past just the romantic part of me to… the real part of me. You’ve seen my faults, now, and you care about the things I’m interested in. Even if you can’t make up your mind about your heart, at the end of the day… you’re still the girl I’m going to remember. You’re still the girl that sends my mind someplace entirely different when I’m around you.” He smiled calmly, as he watched her intently. He couldn’t help it. Yes, he was rather romantic and he believed in love above all things… but not one girl had cared to see past that to the real Brantley. Not one girl had cared to see what he was interested in. They would just play along with him, waiting for the romantic surprises that he was bound to make. Jasmine hadn’t been like that. Jasmine… was different. Even with the stares he got from the girls (before his episode), Jasmine was… the girl he thought about, dreamt about, Jasmine was his forever and he couldn’t change that. He didn’t want to change that. As Jasmine sang, Brantley smiled again. That night had been so magical, but it had also been so upsetting. Still, hearing her sing the song he had sung at the ball made him happy. Simply because it meant that whole night hadn’t been a nightmare for her.

As he watched her, Brantley wondered if he had said something that might upset her. His fear grew as she opened her eyes and a tear rolled down her cheek. Before he could apologize for whatever he did or said, Jasmine spoke. He felt her hand on his cheek, and the smile that had been small on his face grew into a bright one. “Yeah, insanely in love.” He replied as he covered her hand with his. As she moved closer to him, Brantley watched and wondered what she was doing. There was something about Jasmine that drove him up a wall. Maybe it was the way she didn’t seem to make up her mind about anything until she had hard evidence that it was the right thing to do, or maybe it was the fact that she had a fear that was his strongest belief. Either way, he felt all those thoughts wash away when she told him she loved him. She had said it first, he hadn’t. Half of him felt like he had missed out on it, but the other half was relieved because then she couldn’t run away from him. Brantley took her hand from his face and kissed it, “I love you, too,” he told her after a second. Those words were so… little… so small. One syllable each, but they meant so much more than the longest word in the world could. He knew that if they were said to the wrong person, they were ruined forever… tainted… but Jasmine wasn’t the wrong person. She couldn’t be.

“Just to spare me another broken heart,” he whispered as he looked at her, “I’m going to tell you that I’m going to kiss you now. Alright?” A teasing smile crossed his lips, and before she could answer he leaned in and kissed her.

[Jasmine Anderson]

Jasmine quickly averted her eyes to the ground, tracing the familiar designs of the concrete pattern. She suddenly looked up hearing Brantley explain why she was so special out of all the girls at Hogwarts. A bright smiled curled onto her lips as she drummed her fingers together again. At least it wasn’t a magazine she used the first time they talked to fidget with. “You are my romance novel hero and the actor in my eyes. Without you I wouldn’t think falling in love was possible for me,” she spoke softly biting the bottom of her lip. No one knew that. Not even Vanessa. Well her best friend probably knew, but in a friend, worrying sort of way. There honestly was no one that interested Jasmine. Maybe she had been so picky when it came to finding the right guy. She never really knew her ‘type.’ What did that word exactly mean anymore? Just the basic guidelines girls followed that made them believe some specific look or characteristic they found attracted in a guy. Jasmine just had hoped one day some guy would come along and, BAM; it would finally hit her that she liked them. Though she lost hope over the years and gave up until Brantley waltzed right in. First she rejected the feeling, saving her heart from the heartache that would follow soon, but just ignoring it was causing more pain. Brantley was helping her accept love like he had promised that day in the kitchen when they danced. “You remember that day when you gave me the cryptex and we danced? How you promised that you would help me accept love….well you did.”

Her hand was still gently across Brantley’s smooth cheek, feeling the warmth from under her palm. There was silence for a moment the only sound she could hear was the rapid beating of her own heart. What if she made the wrong move? Smiling as she felt his hand covers her, she felt happiness surge through her as he told her he was insanely in love with her. Jasmine could sense that Brantley was a little curious to what she was doing leaning in so close to him, but that seemed to end as she felt his lips on her cool skin. This all had to be dream. None of it was real. It was just one of her day dreams where she thought of things that could happen between them. She always wanted to tell Brantley that she loved him, but never imagined that he would be doing the same thing. Closing her eyes shut hard she opened them again slowly knowing that it wasn’t a day, but reality. Smiling as she slowly nodded her head at sparing his broken heart she felt his lips press against her before she could even answer. Her eyes closed as she leaned into him, her finger gently tracing his. Everything was spinning, but it felt so right to be there with him. When they pulled away, her eyes were still closed, her still heavy. She continued to lean her forehead on his forehead, a huge grin spread on her lips. “See? I didn’t run away,” Jasmine breathless told him opening her eyes.

Glancing at the small watch hocked to her strap Jasmine gasped as she jumped slightly back. She was already ten minutes late from where she had to meet with Vanessa to talk more about her and Jeremiah’s wedding. “I have to go Brantley. I promised Nessa that I would talk to her about her plans for over the summer…” Jasmine began biting her lip to debate whether or not she was allowed to tell him that her best friend was getting married soon. “She’s going to get married, Brant! I wasn’t excited at first, but now I am!” she explained smiling as she kissed him shortly on the lips. “I wouldn’t want to do anything but stay here with you, but I have to go.” Pouting she laughed kissing him again before hesitating in standing up. “You better save me a seat at dinner next to you!”