Shooting Stars and Sparks ((Jack))

[Mackenzie Holden]

You said I was your everything, you said I was the one. You played me like a radio. You used to love that I had no shame. Put my pain into words, hold my hand to the flame. The words to the song that was slowly forming in her head, echoed in it. They just bounced, back and forth, left and right. Maybe she was better off singing somewhere else besides her mind. But she was trapped in her dorm, at least until the hype in the common room died down a little. Mack hated walking through that room when so many people were in it, it was like walking through a muggle mall. Not that Mack knew the exact experience, but she assumed it was just as bad if not worse. With a great sigh of relief, Mack collapsed back on her bed - her arms spread out and her eyes staring at the ceiling with little or what looked like no life. The minutes ticked by and Mack felt her eyelids growing heavy, finally the noise downstairs died away just as she wished it would, and she was able to sneak down with her electric guitar strapped to her back.

Suddenly, the prospect of singing in an empty classroom wasn't as glamorous as it had been moments earlier. Mack stopped walking, her shoes not making a sound and bit her bottom lip in thought. Where could she go that no one would disturb her? It wasn't past curfew, not yet anyway, and it was dark enough outside to cast off a nice night. She could go outside, but Mack wasn't in the mood to sit on the grass or on the wall she had been sitting on recently. But the idea of singing with the open sky over her thrilled her and she knew just where to go. Her feet did a quick turn and she started up the stairs to the Astronomy Tower. Astronomy wasn't a class she was taking, but she was thinking about taking it next year. After all, what if it really did interest her? She smirked at the thought. When she reached the ladder to the Astronomy Tower, she quickly pulled herself up it and began to climb. The only sound was of her brething and the squeaking of her shoes against the iron. The Astronomy Tower was a large room with desks everywhere. It looked like a normal classroom with the exception of the open ceiling. It wasn't just open with no ceiling there, or else the class would be rained out whenever rain did pour - but it was enchanted to look like it was open. In fact, it was much like glass.

Her eyes sparked with happiness as she closed the door and made her way to the open area of the classroom. It was a big room so Mack felt a little foolish singing in there, but isn't that what she wanted? Wide open spaces? She smirked again and pulled her guitar in front of her. It was magically fixed to sound like it was plugged into an amp, even though it wasn't. Also, it was programmed (magically of course) to play the other instruments without any extra effort, that went along with the song. Almost all the songs Mack sang had drums in them, so the drums were something that Mack had programmed in for every song she sang. This song wasn't any different. She had all the music programmed in, and now she just had to work out the lyrics. So far two songs were done. 'How Strong Do You Think I Am?' and 'Anyone But You.' 'Anyone But You' had actually been finished when she was talking with Adrian Hollows, a boy in her year. Their conversation had been, interesting for the lack of a better word, but it also made Mack realize how much she hadn't spoken to Jack since school began. She missed him, but there was so much to catch up on - her schoolwork kept her busy enough for her not to dwell on the missing. Yes, they were in the same house - even the same year, but it wasn't enough.

With a sigh, Mack started to play the song that had been stuck in her head since her first class of the day. First was all guitar, which was easy, then she sang. "You said I was your everything, you said I was the one." Drums. And keyboard entered, even a bass. And it all formed to make one beautiful sound as her voice merged with them. "You played me like a radio. You used to love that I had no shame. Put my pain into words, hold my hand to the flame." And this was where she became stuck. No less, her hands continued to strum the music for the rest of the song. She had an idea that the chorus should come next, because the music crescendo'd to its best. But what should the chorus be? Tommy often told her, that when she came to a wall like this, to draw from her past. Take her anger, her hate, her hurt, and her love and mold it into the lyrics. That's exactly what she did. She began at the chorus again, "Tell me you love me like a star, tell me you want me wherever you are. Tell me you'll breathe me 'till your last breath. Liar liar. Oh, liar liar." The feeling of accomplishment that washed over her whenever she finished a piece of her songs, made her glow with happiness. Only, no one was ever around to see it. And her happiness quickly grew to disappointment that no one witnessed these things.

Mack cast her eyes down and stopped playing, shortly after she took off her guitar and sat it against the wall. She pulled three desks together and laid against them, her right arm underneath her head and her left arm on her stomach. She watched the stars above her, they were all so perfect. So wonderful. They had a purpose. A life to shine on. They made the world brighter but they also held the worlds secrets. Mack closed her eyes and listened for noises, anything to break the dreaded silence her heart hammered down on her. When she opened her eyes again there was a shooting star soaring past. Quickly, she squeezed her eyes shut again and made her wish. It was a childish notion, but she did it anyway. What harm could come from it? That was when the door opened and someone stepped into the Astronomy Tower. Mack looked over and the first smile in a long time appeared on her face, "Hello, stranger."

((Told you. ))

[Jack Rendel S5]

((Hehe, it was long but worth reading. And you know I'm used to long posts - I usually write them. ))

It was so dark. His little world. But maybe some light would shine. There was always a chance that the veil around him would give and something good would happen, something that would make him a happier person. A foolish dream on Jack's part, but fantasies weren't something he could control, just like everything else in his life. Things had spun out of control and no matter how much he tried to pick up the broken pieces, they wouldn't go together. Despite all the wishing, hoping, and doing, nothing went his way. What else could he hold on to but a little dream? A wisp of fantasy? No one had the right to take that away from him. No matter how much happiness he had lost, all the good things in life that most experienced with ease, a whim could not be taken away. Not even Father could do it, even if he did puncture it a few times. Now that he was alone and given a time to think without interruptions, Jack figured that if he wanted his fantasy enough, maybe, just maybe, it could come true. He'd have to fight for it though, oh yes, and fight hard. He was prepared to - if only something in his life would happen and he could move on without regrets.

Of course there were many more things he wanted. So many more things. To have a different father, to get rid of Haille, to have Padme vanish when she continuously yells at him... and the list goes on. All of those are worse then the first. He needed some light to shed good on his world. Yes, that would be nice. To, for a second, remember what it felt like to be entirely happy. Jack couldn't remember the last sincere laugh he had. The last meaningful smile he had formed. The last time the ice melted off his eyes and showed his true form - a little boy who wanted no more in the world but to relive his childhood as an adult. Childhood... Jack remembered it well. Back when Tessa had been here and when Father had no... problems with him. That seemed so long ago, so vague in his memory, but it was still there, swirling to the surface every once in a while. Jack found it increasingly difficult to remember those times anymore, maybe because they seemed so fake to him now, so far-fetched that he believed he had made them up. Just to be someone he wasn't. If only he could go back in time and fix what had resulted in... well, it resulted in him living a life full of hell. Jack didn't want that, no matter how tough he seemed on the outside. He wanted nothing more then to be... well, he didn't want to play the part of Jack anymore. Couldn't he be someone else? Someone with more luck then him? Of course the question of why always came up when he thought these things, though lately he had forcible driven them away by not allowing himself time to think. Jack had to think them sometimes though. How could he not when going home was coming up incredibly soon?

Footsteps made him look up, too fast as he got a crick in his neck. Rubbing it ruefully Jack watched as a shadow passed over the closed door that led to his empty classroom. It was a small classroom and not used for anything anymore, so there was probably no harm being in here. Why should he get in trouble for it when so many others do the same exact thing every day? It would be just his luck if a Professor came in... the footsteps pattered away down the hall. So, maybe there had been some luck there. Jack slid off his perch - a desk - and opened the door to peek outside. The person must have turned the corner already as no one was in the vicinity. Shrugging it off, Jack started off down the hall. He wasn't really sure where he was going but now that he had been shaken out of his thoughts... he didn't want to go back to the classroom. He needed... hmm... he wasn't sure what exactly he needed. Being with people usually made him annoyed and testy while being without made him search for people. A tireless cycle, that. Jack's feet seemed to be leading him rather then his head... without much conviction he walked up a flight of stairs and was soon heading toward the Astronomy tower. Why there? He had no explanation. It just seemed reasonable for his mood. A few minutes later he was at the classroom door. Astronomy was a subject he didn't take and probably never would but he had heard some tales of the classroom and wouldn't mind a peak. Opening the door, he took a step inside before realizing it wasn't exactly empty. "Hello to you too, Mackie-girl," he said, using Kris's little nick-name. He gave her a half-hearted smile. "What are you doing in here?" He spotted a guitar standing against the wall and raised his eyebrow. "Playing some music, I'm guessing?"

((Mine got kind of carried away too...))

[Mackenzie Holden]

Mackie-girl? No one calls her that except Kris, and Kris is the only person Mack was going to allow to call her that. She scowled, her blue eyes darkening and turned her attention back to the night sky. He asked her what she was doing in here, and then he answered his own question. If he knew then why ask? Mack was silent and kept her eyes on the stars. They were burning bright, and starting to hurt her eyes - or maybe that was from staring so much. Relunctantly she looked away and found Jack again. Her gaze softened and she sat up, her legs swinging back and forth. She held his gaze a moment, and then shifted her eyes to her guitar as well; "Yeah. Tommy wants me to finish another song before this weekend...he's a slave driver, almost as bad as Snape." She smirked and looked down at the floor. Was it her, or was this awkward? Was there some tension between them, or was Mack imagining it all? She wasn't sure, but Mack imagined a lot of things - whether she wanted to or not.

She looked back up, "What are you doing up here? Obviously not singing, unless you have some unknown talent that I'm not aware of." Her eyebrow raised into a nice arch as she said that, her voice dripping with sarcasm. Why was she being so..Slytherin-ish to him? Well, yes, she was a Slytherin, but still. Can't Slytherins show affection one another? Surely, they have hearts. Kris is marrying Cleo, they have to be in love..are they? Or do they just see it practical? Are Slytherins able to fall in love? Mack's mind reeled with thoughts, why was everything so confusing? It was times like these that Mack wished her and Dixie had a normal sisterly relationship, but when she really thought about it - she realized that would be like having a poisonous pet snake. Mack shook her head and got herself out of the reverie, bringing herself back to the present and the awkwardness and tension that filled the air. She stepped down onto the floor and made her way to her guitar, picking it up. Her eyes scanned it and then she smiled sadly before looking up at Jack again.

"Maybe I've made a mistake..." She whispered. Mostly to yourself, some of it to Jack. She wasn't sure if he knew what she meant by the mistake. But if he did, Mack wouldn't be surprised either. A lot of her mistakes fell within her music career. It was good, but it wasn't all of what Mack thought it would be. It was hard, there was competition for the space. It was just..a mess. She was eagerly waiting for the summer so she could finish all this. Get it done with. Mack felt bad about it though, because from what Quest told her when she returned to G-Major, Tommy was having a hard time finding someone he thought of as equally as good as Mack, let alone better than her. He had been so happy to see her, Mack couldn't believe that Tommy had disliked her in the beginning. He thought she was 'raw talent' and now she was the only person he would allow into his record company.

She sighed again and put her guitar down before turning to Jack and sitting on the desk nearest her. "Have you been avoiding me? Or do I smell? Either way, it wouldn't be flattering on my part." She wasn't accusing him of anything, she was sure school had caught up with him just as much as it had her. Life was also deciding this year should be the year to sweep in and blow everyone down. The attacks have made life that much scarier and Mack often found herself having nightmares at night. She would never admit it of course, but the war that was raging around them but shivers in her bones and chatter in her teeth.

[Jack Rendel S5]

Mack seemed quite interested in the stars on the ceiling. Jack found them distracting and the constant twinkling annoying. It always made his eyes stray toward the ceiling for a glance just to make sure it was a star and not something else, before returning to Mack. He wondered why she wouldn't look at him; was there something wrong? He felt normal and not at all uncomfortable. Jack usually tried to keep a laid-back demeanor at Hogwarts since that was the only place that would accept him for it. He smirked as she scowled at his mention of Mackie-girl. So she didn't like it. Well, that was too bad. Now that he knew the nick-name there wouldn't be anything to stop him from using it constantly. Jack raised his eyebrows when Mack talked to him. So something was wrong. She was acting all tense and.. Slytherin-like. Had she gone bad since his last talk with her? That seemed to have happened so long ago... too long ago. He should have made more attempts to talk to her.

"Singing? Please, I'm not musically inclined at all and don't ever plan to be." He said, letting his arched eyebrows rest for a bit. Even if Mack was acting strange toward him, he didn't want to retaliate. Well, as best he could. His sarcasm and cynical view of the world often got in the way of that when talking about retaliation, but this was Mack he was talking about. Mack. His Mack. He couldn't stand acting like a complete jerk in front of her - never ever toward her even. Whether purposely or not, he wouldn't ever forgive himself if he hurt her. "I was just... I had nothing better to do. This place isn't one I visit too often and at most I wanted to avoid the common room so... I somehow ended up here." Jack shrugged, not really caring to explain in detail. He wasn't even sure why he had come up here besides trying to find a quiet place to think without interruption. Now that Mack was in here though, he hoped the constant urging for him to go talk to her would cease as well and become peaceful. He always had wanted to talk to her but...well, things got in the way. And with the exams coming up... it became even harder then ever.

He looked up in surprise at what she suddenly said. "A mistake?" He muttered. What mistake? Was she talking about him? Jack - a mistake? He suddenly felt betrayed and uncomfortable; he shifted on his feet. He had been thinking of hopping on to a table to sit next to Mack but after hearing that, he wanted to leave. Just like Mack had been inclined, his eyes swayed to the stars for no apparent reason. The seemed to calm him better then anything else. When he chanced a look at her he realized she was carrying her guitar. Oh. Did that make a difference? Jack watched silently as she came over to sit on the desk closest to where he was standing. He wanted to join her, oh yes. But something held him back - he wasn't sure what it was. "Avoiding you?" Jack shook his head and arched an eyebrow. Again. The whole thing was getting old but it was a habit he had. "No. I just got caught up in school, homework and... everything." He didn't feel like talking to Mack about Padme or... anything. Pushing himself to the brink, he hopped up on to the same desk as Mack and kept a steady gaze on her. The attacks made things much worse at school and often made Jack wary of most everything he knew. People were turning against their friends; he didn't want to play the part of the betrayer or the betrayed. He just wanted to be... normal. An intuition made him reach over and pick up Mack's hand. "I wouldn't avoid you Mack. Never. You know that.... don't you?"

[Mackenzie Holden]

((I adored your reply, Jack. It put the cherry on top of my day, which has been really good. Just got back from an amusement park with Tyler and a bunch of my friends, and for the first time in ages me and Tyler actually talked...no joking...we just...sat and talked about everything. It felt so good! And then to come home and see you replied (which always makes me happy), and to read such a good reply, it just made me smile even more. *huggles*))

Mack smirked, almost smiling, at Jack's reply. She couldn't seem to stay too mad or stay in a bad mood around him for too long, he always wiped away the anger or pain like a maid wipes away dirt from a window. She loved that feeling she got from him, the way life just felt so easy...sometimes Mack would just wish she was with him all day, maybe then the world wouldn't kill itself...at least not in her world. She had to restrain herself from hugging him, from just throwing her arms around him and brying on his shoulder. Mack had to be stronger than that, besides she really had no reason to cry. Not at that moment, not right then. Everything was going fine, except the stress...oh yes, the stress. The stress weighed everyone down. Even the most level-headed lost their cool and cracked under the pressure. She didn't see how she was expected to keep her cool.

"A mistake?" She heard Jack mutter. Mack looked up at him and smiled a small weak smile. She gestured to her guitar, "My music. Have I made a mistake in my music? I know Tommy wants me to be the best, the perfect artist; but I don't think I can be. And I don't want to be the one to disappoint Tommy when it comes to be my end. Things are changing now, Jack. I can feel them...my music doesn't have the same feeling from me as it used to. I guess, all the drama Derreck built up really did some form of good." She sighed and looked at her guitar again, "At least then my music didn't suffer like it is now. I can't get into the feel of it anymore, and I'm beginning to wonder if this is the beginning of the end..maybe my inspiration's run dry...who knows?" She lifted her eyes to Jack and sighed so deeply she thought her heart might crack. It was getting harder to keep herself from starting to cry, but she wouldn't...she couldn't. Jack had seen her cry too many times before...

Then he did the thing that really broke the tension between them, or the tension Mack might have been imagining. He hopped up on the desk and took her hand, asking her if she really thought he would ever avoid her. Mack's eyes skipped away guiltily and she squeezed his hand before replying, "I wouldn't blame you if you did, Jack. Honestly. Sometimes I can't even stand me. I'm just used to everyone else avoiding me. I don't want to sound like a self-pitying Hufflepuff, but I mean, it's what I grew up with. Surely you could understand that." She smiled weakly before continuing, "I kept putting excuses in my head, excuses as to why you hadn't tried to talk to me at all. Busy, schoolwork, Padme, anything, everything. Everything except you didn't want to talk to me ever again. I would get so angry when you didn't stop to talk, but then a little voice told me that I could have done the same thing. Of course, I fumed for a few more minutes before being distracted by something Tommy put in front of me or the Professors did." Now that she was saying it, it sounded absurd but she didn't skip a beat;

"I honestly felt like I had done something wrong. But then a snotty little voice told me I couldn't do anything wrong, I was Miss Perfect." Mack chuckled there and shook her head, "Yeah, I'm far from that. I just...I guess, yes I know you would never avoid me...but my imagination does run from me...often. I can't help it, and sometimes it scares me. You're really the only thing keeping me stable, the only person keeping me going." She nudged him lightly, looking down at her hands, "I guess, I depend upon you a lot..more than I would like to."

[Jack Rendel S5]

((I'm glad I could make your day even better. I had a good day too and that influenced the post, I guess you can say. Amazing what this site can do, eh? ))

Was that a faint smile from Mack, or was it hiding behind the smirk? Jack had to wonder what was going on in her head, what was she thinking? Mack was always so...alien to him, and yet they were in sync more then he had ever imagined possible. They could relate in more then one ways, but when it came to thoughts - that was a whole new world. He wondered if Mack thought dark thoughts or thought of encouraging thoughts to make her fight through a bad day. What did she think of him a year ago? And what now? What did she think of him now? Did she feel betrayed by him not talking to her as much as he should? Did she not want to be around him anymore? Did she want to wipe the slate clean and start anew, just like Jack? Mack was hard to keep up with while Jack - well - he stayed the same. Hardly ever different from yesterday to today. Yet he had changed over the years, matured and realized that life wasn't at all as grand as everyone thought. It was much, much worse for some, and the others were blind to those who lived a life of misery. Happiness puts a blindfold over your eyes when something comes up that could put a damper on your mood. It was sick. Even when looking at Mack's eyes, he still couldn't see what was going on behind them, no matter how much he wanted to. Oh yes, how he wondered....

He couldn't help but be angry when himself when Mack explained what she had meant by "mistake." Mistake in itself could mean so many things, perhaps that was why Jack had jumped to a conclusion about himself. But no, it was about music, a thing Jack couldn't relate to. He tilted his head as he tried to figure what he would do in her position. He did know one thing about music... at least about Mack's music. He knew she wrote about her life and her emotions at the time. That's what had made her so good - the fact it was about reality and not about a fantasy that everyone wanted. Her music was darker then most but had a meaning that most people could understand. Most. Jack shook his head and rotated his eyes on her. "What was your inspiration?" He asked softly. "What inspiration made your songs before?" He believed it was probably Derrick that had made her want to base her songs on her life, and now that he wasn't there... well, there was always Trevor to sing about. Him and Dixie. Oh, and let's not forget Mack's mum, Pam. Jack wondered what she had been up to lately... driving her daughter crazy with her new husband, no doubt. He was glad when Mack finally stopped being so tense when he took her hand in his. She then began to tell him why she had thought he was avoiding her. Jack listened quietly, not really sure what he should think. When she was done there was a pause before he spoke. He had to think hard on what was safe to say, seeing as him being open-minded might not work out in the long-run.

"Those excuses weren't excuses. They're reasons. School has been driving me insane and Padme doesn't help much either..." He sighed. "I tried to talk to you, Mack. I really did. I just...I... didn't know what to say," he confessed. "I know that sounds weird and everything but... it's the truth. I wasn't sure what to say and how to say it. I knew you had problems that were ten times worse then mine but... what could I say?" He looked up at the stars instead of Mack's eyes. The stars gave him some solitude and an escape from this conversation which was really beginning to try Jack. Not only was Mack asking him questions he'd rather avoid, Jack was trying to answer them honestly, a feat he found harder to do then he had thought, even with Mack. "I'm sorry if I let you down," Jack said, chancing a look at her. "I'm sorry if I was a disappointment, but I never meant to hurt you." He swallowed hard. "I... I didn't know that you... that you needed me. If I had, I would have been there. There's nothing wrong with depending on me but there is something wrong with my reliability."

[Mackenzie Holden]

"You know," Mack stated with a small smile, "my inspiration comes from my life, or the people who are in it." He should know that better than anyone, especially since one of her songs was about him. Although, he thought it was about Jamie...but it wasn't, that's the point. It was about him. Mack based her lyrics and her music on her life and her friends and her family, and anyone or thing that made a difference in her life. Sometimes something spectacular would happen and she would write a song about that, but most of the time it was painful and dark. She was hoping her music wouldn't be so dark this time, after all she only had three songs done so far. She sighed and closed her eyes, letting the music that was in her head drift her away. She was floating on a music note...and for some reason she didn't want to stay.

Mack looked at Jack and shrugged, "But now...now it's just draining. I could write about Mum or Hank or Trevor or Dixie, but that's all so tiring. And then," She stopped short, her mind thinking over what she was going to say next. She breathed in a deep breath and forced a smile, "I could write about you - but Tommy...he's a moron and wants me to write angry songs. Apparently that's my appeal. I'll show him though, I'll write a really good happy song and then we'll see what he thinks." Mack didn't know what Jack felt when she talked about her music, she was sure he probably wasn't that interested but it was a big part of her life and she knew he understood that. She swore to herself that after this year, she wouldn't do music anymore. School was much more important than this. Than...music and money, and it wasn't like she needed that anyway...not anymore.

"Didn't know what to say, Jack?" Mack's eyes widened and she shook her head, "You couldn't have stopped and said 'hey, how are ya? I haven't seen ya in awhile.'? How hard would that be?" She sighed... "I just needed to know you still cared..." Which was true, she did. All her life, Mack didn't know anyone cared...she was never shown the love that her sister was and her father wasn't exactly someone to shower hugs and kisses on his daughters; much less one that wasn't perfect. Mack grew up accustomed to the idea that if someone didn't like you - they wouldn't talk to you, look at you, or even acknowledge your existence. Maybe that's why she thought Jack had lost interest in who she was...she knew she wasn't a constant personality - that she changed like the weather, but it was who she was. She couldn't be one person all the time...where was the fun in that?

She listened to him a bit more, restraining herself yet again to hug him. When he was finished she looked down at their hands and smiled, "You didn't let me down, Jack. Nor did you disappoint me. It takes a lot more than not talking to me to do that. I was just confused, and I suppose a little bit hurt. I wouldn't let show, of course, because that's weak. And weak is unacceptable, but you know what I mean. There isn't anything wrong with your reliability Jack Rendel, honestly. If I didn't think you were reliable, I wouldn't be putting so much faith in you - so much trust...so much...yeah..." She looked up again and a large smile crossed her face, one of those genuine smiles.

[Jack Rendel S5]

Jack nodded. Yes, he had suspected, or more like knew, that she wrote about her life. It wasn't that hard to decipher her songs into an event that had happened to Mack, or a person that had entered her life. He had listened to practically all her songs on the CD she had given him after her tour. A tour...hmm. Jack had forgotten to ask how the tour had gone, but he was sure Mack had been happy. All that money brought in because of her and not because of being related to a rich person did bring some self-satisfaction. To Jack that meant the whole world - knowing he could support himself if the time came. When Father threatened to throw him out, he would at least find a little solace in knowing that he could get a job and at least eat.

Jack glared at the mention of Trevor. He hated that kid to the core, no doubt about it. Especially after he had learned of all the lies hand-fed to Mack by Trevor. Why did he have to lie except for the reason of hurting Mack? At the wedding, Jack had to restrain from giving Trevor a piece of his mind and somehow he did manage to have control. He sighed thinking back to that - the whole wedding had gone rather well but, would the marriage continue to go as well? "Write songs about me, Mackie-girl? What would they be called?" He asked, genuinely surprised. He was rather liking the nick-name Mackie-girl now, much to his surprise. Kris had a way with these things. Frowning, he said, "Only dark things? Well, if you don't like how Tommy's trying to control your music then... can't you get a new - uh- whatever their called? Manager person?" Jack suggested, a rather vast comment to make considering he had no idea what he was talking about.

He shrugged painfully; "I could have but... it was like every time I wanted to a distraction came up. Whether it be my sister, or homework, or getting to class on time... but that's not an excuse." Jack squeezed her hand. "And it seems I have forgotten to ask that as well. How are you, Mack?" He grinned and shook his head. "I do still care. I do," he added, stressing it. Mack did have an imagination but she had been through a lot so that much couldn't be blamed. She had been let down so many times before... Jack hoped that maybe he could change that. He grinned and felt himself float as Mack said nothing was wrong with his reliability. "Well, that's good to hear. I don't hear that often..." He rolled his eyes to the ceiling and suddenly remembered a rather disturbing thing he had heard from somewhere... a book maybe on psychology. "Did you know that... that most kids grow up to be just like their parents?" Jack knew it sounded like a dangerous subject to touch on, but he had to get it out of his system. He wanted to hear that Mack didn't believe in that saying either and that they, in the future, wouldn't treat their children like they were treated. Jack found that if Mack balanced things out, he wouldn't be sliding down hill anymore. It was strange but Mack had a huge impact on his life, in just the things she said.

((He said it again, just as you wanted.... ))

[Mackenzie Holden]

"Well, Jack-Jack," Mack stressed the nickname she was giving him. If he wanted to call her by a nickname - then she would return the favour, "You are one of, if not the, most important people in my life right now. And they could be called anything. I come up with a title once I'm finished." She shrugged, a smirk on her lips thinking this over rather thoroughly. She might actually just write a song about him, but it wouldn't be the type of song Tommy would like. Mack shook her head and looked at Jack as he was asking if she couldn't just get a new producer. Replace Tommy? No, she couldn't do that. That was preposterous. Tommy was...well, he knew how to work with Mack. She shook her head again and smiled, "No. I couldn't get a new producer. That'd be career suicide. Tommy might be pushy, but he's one heck of a music producer. I'll just...I'll do something about it." She then nodded as if that ended the discussion.

When he squeezed her hand and assured her that really did still care, she smiled and looked down. Hoping that he wasn't promising false hopes to himself and her. That would be just as bad as lying. Then he asked how she was, and she shrugged. She really didn't know. She was a bit upset at how little time they had spent together, but she was happier now that they were actually talking. She was stressed and a little afraid because of the recent attacks. Even Slytherins were allowed to be afraid of the Dark Lord, weren't they? Especially if they didn't follow him? She didn't quite answer him - and there was this slight silence before Jack brought up something rather disturbing. Mack's gaze faltered and she looked up at Jack with so much fear in her eyes she was sure he could see her quivering down to her bones.

"No, that's stupid." She told him as she moved her gaze to the wall, her eyes haunted. "Not every child grows up to be like their parents, then there wouldn't be any uniqueness in the world. Besides," Mack continued firmly, her eyes locking with Jack's electric blue ones, "we aren't going to be like our parents, we aren't! We can't be! We know how they treated us, and we hated it - we'll watch ourselves. We have to. And if..if I do end up like my parents, I just won't have any children." No one deserved to go through that pain, that humiliation. Mack bit her lip and kept her tears back. She wouldn't put her children through that, and she would make sure her husband didn't either. "No, it won't happen. I won't let it." She whispered firmly. Her free hand hitting the desk hard, but she didn't feel it. She was too numb.

((Jack-Jack! *giggles*))

[Jack Rendel S5]

"Jack-Jack?" He asked with surprise. Mack giving him a nick-name had never even occurred to him as a possibility. "Jack-Jack? Where did that come from?" he said with exasperation and a flicker of amusement. He wasn't sure if he liked it or not, though he figured that if he wanted to continue to call Mack Mackie-girl, he would have to get used to it. Jack wasn't quite sure why he insisted on using the nick-name. It could possibly be because he was bothered by Kris calling her that. After having a slight bicker while dueling, Jack had learned that Kris and Mack were better friends then he had thought and for some reason it nagged at him. He liked Kris as well it was just... ah well, he hadn't any reason to be bothered by Kris. He would just bury that deep down as it wasn't of any importance, really.

"How long do you plan on keeping with music?" Jack asked with a raised eyebrow. "I mean, it's muggle stuff and... well, don't you want a job fit for a witch? A job where you don't have to hide what you really are and where you can put your magical learning to use?" He realized he sounded like a Ravenclaw lecturing a sibling of some sort and wrinkled his nose. He hated lectures and detested most Ravenclaws. Though he had to wonder what Mack planned to do with her future. Jack wasn't even sure what he wanted to do; he had put that off to the side. It was so far away after all. Mack said she wouldn't change her producer no matter what and that they would figure things out. Jack just nodded, not really able to comment and look competent at the same time. Besides, she didn't seem to want to continue with that topic so he dropped it.

Mack didn't answer him when he asked how she was doing, which bothered him. He shot a furtive glance at her to see if that would answer any of his queries but it only confused him more. Mack was always a tough one to follow but what she was thinking completely escaped him. He didn't try asking again. If she wouldn't answer the first time, what were the chances of getting an answer the second? Besides, he didn't want to be pushy and beat the answers out of her by constantly asking. If she wanted to keep that to herself - fine. It was silent for a few minutes, though it wasn't the heavy silence that one seemed to drown in. It was a comforting silence and Jack relaxed. Once Mack heard his question though, the silence shattered. He inclined his head and grimaced when she was finished. Words tipped his tongue but didn't speak. He wasn't sure what he was going to say.

"Yeah," he said finally. "You're right. It is stupid. I read it in some book about psychology, but it can't apply to everyone, I'm sure. And after what happened to us, we should be able to avoid becoming like our parents." he said, trying to convince himself more then Mack, however selfish that may be. He had brought it up to ease his roiling mind and to help himself. "I'm sorry I ever asked. It's just - it was bothering me. A lot. I don't want that to ever happen, Mack. That would be like destroying myself, becoming the thing I hate most... and how could someone live through that?" He sighed and leaned against her, taking in the smell of her hair. "We'll be okay, Mack. I know it."

[Mackenzie Holden]

((Oh, yeah, that's short alright. *shove*))

Mack smiled at Jack, “Yes, Jack-Jack. You know the mouse from Cinderella? You decided to call me Mackie-Girl therefore I will call you Jack-Jack. You’re easier to come up with a nickname for than Kris, you should feel special.” She said this with such a firm tone that she couldn’t help but laugh a little after she said it. Mack wasn’t usually like that, well, maybe she was. But she didn’t go around telling people what they should and should not feel. That was stupid, that was what Dixie did. Mack closed her eyes and took a deep breath as Jack continued to speak.

“How long do you plan on keeping with music?” He asked. Mack bit her bottom lip and rolled her eyes to the ceiling before shrugging and replying, “As long as I can. Yeah, it’s a Muggle business originally but look at the Wizarding bands there are. Besides G-Major isn’t just a Muggle record label, a Wizarding one too. I don’t know, as long as they want me I suppose.” She stopped there for a moment and thought about what she was going to say next. It sounded like he was lecturing her, but she knew better than that. Mack shrugged again, “Magical learning? I’ll live in the magical world – and I’m not exactly poor, Jack-Jack, I’m well taken care of for the rest of my life. Either from mum, Derreck, or Hank.” Was it bad to depend on her parents for money? Not that she’ll have to forever, she receives loads from her music – which was one of the reasons she didn’t want to give it up.

A silence followed, one of those wanted silences. Not like the ones that shatter your eardrums and whatnot. Mack hated those silences, those were the awkward silences. Mack actually ended up rambling during those silences. And rambling was not something Mack enjoyed, in fact it made her feel like a total airhead and that’s what Hufflepuffs were for. She sighed and ran her fingers of her free hand through her hair and tucked some of it behind her ear. Now she was fidgeting. Then again she always fidgeted.

She had let the silence overcome after Jack had spoken, not wanting to say something without thinking. Then when she finally decided on words she thought weren’t too risky in a way to upset him or upset herself, she looked at him with her eyes glazed and a little bit frightened; “What if we are though? I’m not saying it will happen, but what if we become exactly like our parents? You like your dad, and me like my mum. Afraid, needing someone else for support. I couldn’t handle that, and then I would marry someone like Derreck – and that wouldn’t be good, because than I wouldn’t have the gall to leave him. What if we’re doomed to repeat our parents mistakes?”

[Jack Rendel S5]

((Meh, it was my kind of short. ))

Jack rolled his eyes to the ceiling. "A mouse from Cinderella?" he repeated with a frown. "Cinderella? Who is Cinderella? But never mind," he said, waving his hands about, "that's not the issue. Since when do I look like or act like a mouse? I'm not at all liking this, Mack. Nope, not one bit," he drawled, crossing his arms in a huff. He couldn't keep the position though; a smile broke across his face. "Mary could think of a rather suitable nick-name, don't you think? Krissy-bear, isn't it? I s'pose I shouldn't be feeling bad. Being named after a mouse and all, I mean. Kris has to be called a bear, while anyone else who doesn't have the slightest idea what Cinderella is won't think anything of mine," he mused. Since Jack didn't know what Cinderella was, he considered it to probably be muggle. Father had taught Jack many things about magic and they had seen many of the things that wizards and witches did in their luxury time, but none of that included anything called Cinderella. He shrugged it off though even if he was curious as to how Mack knew about it.

"I guess," he reflected doubtfully. She was right, he knew it. Music wasn't just a muggle thing, it was a wizarding one as well. He knew that from all the radio channels that he used to listen to as a child and still did every now and then. It was a good business and a highly payed one too, probably. He wouldn't know. "You shouldn't lean on your parents too much," he stressed. "You never know when they'll let you down," he added. Ever since things had gone wrong in his family Jack had made a promise to himself. A promise that wouldn't allow him to lean on his parents. That would be weakness and, knowing Roger, it would be exploited. He needed to stand on his own, do his own things, live his own life. It had become harder to keep that promise as he grew older, having made it when a child, but he continued to strive to do the best for himself.

"I decide my own destiny," Jack firmly claimed as Mack put a damper on things. Doomed to repeat their mistakes? It sounded like a death sentence. Jack wouldn't be able to live with himself if he became a clone of Roger Rendel. He'd have to be a mindless fool to do that, or careless. Just like Father. The thought was terrifying in itself and the more he thought on it the more it became a reality. "You decide your own destiny," he revised, glancing at her. "No one else can choose it for you. For us. If we become like our parents then... it's our own fault. Our own doing. But we won't become like our parents, Mack. We've realized their mistakes so we won't go into the world blindly. We'll know when to stop and when to go forward because of what happened to us. Our parents being the way they were and us hating every bit of it will help us stop repeating the cycle," he said but with every sentence his belief in the words ebbed away.

"It's so far away, Mack," he reminded. "I can't see into the future and neither can you. I wish I could, oh yes, for then I could stop the bad things from happening. But I wouldn't be the way I am if everything was perfect. We'll just have to... take life as it comes." For a brief moment Jack closed his eyes and just took in the words, the silence, everything that seemed so peaceful. He imagined himself being older and very well off, but wiser then his Father. The image faded as he relived the memories of his childhood. "Mack, I used to believe in God. I really did. I used to pray to him when things were bad but... if God really does exist, why does He let the bad things happen? If He's really that good..." he trailed off, eyes lowered as if embarrassed by speaking what had been on his mind ever since being a small child. The belief in the one thing that kept him going - that God would stop the bad things from happening - was slowly fading away, just like everything else he had kept so much faith in.