Breathe ((Jeremiah))

[Vanessa Baer]

“We realised we could not let someone of your talent miss the opportunities that are rising at the Royal Academy of Music here in London. With that said, we expect to see you on the first of term.”

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Vanessa shook her head as she read over the letter from RAM again and again. “What?” She breathed as she looked at the address at the top of the letter. Sure enough it was the address of the Royal Academy of Music in London. But…. Why? Why would they think she had applied in the first place? Vanessa didn’t even have the application, how could she have? Then, it came to her. Of course. Why hadn’t she thought of it before? Now, the disbelief that had formed in the pit of her stomach was replaced by anger. How could he?! Vanessa stared at the letter in her hands and then, without any thought, she took out her wand and set it on fire. Her eyes watched it burn and become nothing but ash. “Aryeh…” Vanessa stood and grabbed her shoulder bag that was sitting on one of the chairs she had conjured up before exiting the Room of Requirement where she had been playing her piano. She couldn’t believe he would do that without asking her! Of course, the answer came to her easier than she thought it would. Ever since Vanessa was allowed out of the house she had dreamt of going to RAM to continue her career in music, but… now? Things had changed, and whereas she knew that, she was certain that Aryeh didn’t. At all. Vanessa crossed her arms as she hurried through the deserted corridors. Yes, she was out past curfew, but at that moment she didn’t care. She was heading for one destination.

It only took her a few minutes to find the one person she needed to see. He was strolling down the corridor, and probably didn’t see her hiding in the shadow of the empty hallway. As he stepped closer and closer to her, her heart fluttered with each flicker of the torches that lit up as he drew nearer. Finally, she swallowed the lump in her throat and stepped out of the shadows into the light. Instantly a smile brightened her face as she looked up at Jeremiah. It was as if all the worries she had, even the reason why she had been looking for him, had disappeared. “I thought I’d take my chances of getting house points deducted and step out of the shadows. Will you be nice and keep Hufflepuff at a measly 90 points? I daresay you could even award me points and get Huff-n-puff in the lead…” She smiled playfully as she casually slipped her hand into his. Then, the easiness that had settled into her stomach was pushed aside by the reminder of why she had tracked Jeremiah down. Her smile faded from her face as she looked down at her feet. She had to tell him, of course. But why? A voice whispered in her ear, It’s not like you’ll be going anyway. You know your dreams have changed. Why not just keep it from him? It would make things so much simpler. Vanessa knew that wasn’t true.

“So, I received an owl from home…” she said slowly as she looked back up at him. “Apparently a letter came in the mail, the other day.” It wasn’t that big of deal. She was going to write the Academy back and tell them she had no intention of attending the school that term. So why did she feel like she was going to be sick with every word she spoke? “So, when I was younger and finally allowed out of the house I was held prisoner in for years and years, I fell in love with the idea of attending the Royal Academy of Music. Of course, I told Aryeh that’s what I wanted to do and I guess he hasn’t forgotten, because the letter was from RAM telling me that I’ve been accepted. He must’ve sent in a CD of my songs and filled out an application, because I didn’t.” Vanessa looked up at Jeremiah and then said with a sigh, “I’m writing back to tell them I can’t attend, though. My dreams have changed and I don’t want to make my music this… thing that I only do because I am graded on it or because I get paid for it.” Even after she told him what was bothering her, Vanessa still felt really sick. She took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves. It helped a little and she smiled brightly at Jeremiah again, “I thought I’d tell you, just to start a conversation or perhaps to get you to give me those points out of pity.”

[Jeremiah Baer]

Jeremiah hated these nights. He never did quite look forward to roaming the halls after curfew, watching for students to be out and disobeying the rules. First of all, barely ever did he catch someone outside of their common rooms. Only once that he could remember, Jeremiah found a small little first year terribly lost and on the verge of tears as she tried to find her way back to the common room. That was early into his fifth year, just after getting Prefect. Not having the heart to take points from her, he kindly ushered her back to the Ravenclaw common room where she quickly jolted out of sight with a tiny squeak of a 'thank you' that was barely audible. After that, it seemed that he only ever saw other Prefects patrolling on their rounds or Mr. Filch and his sly cat Mrs. Norris. Jeremiah never said much to the usual grunt that Filch gave upon seeing Jeremiah's badge and realizing that he wasn't another student that he could punish. The man was more scary looking that he was overall intimidating. Plus, rumor had it, he was a squib anyways.

Humming quietly to himself, Jeremiah let out a large sigh as he turned a corner and slowly meandered down the empty, dim-lit corridor. Catching him off guard, Jeremiah's heart beat faster as he grabbed for his wand when someone appeared from the shadows of the hall. His breath was quick as he realized who it was. Shakily, he put his wand back and looked back at Vanessa, his face a little pale from the shock. "What I should do is take points for almost giving me a heart-attack!" he said quickly, yet quietly in a playful manner as his adrenaline faded away. When Vanessa put her hand in his, it stopped him from trembling and let his nerves return to normal. "I will say, you are a pleasant surprise though." He smiled as they walked hand-in-hand, wondering why though Vanessa had risked coming to find him. Did she need something, or was it just because she felt like it, he thought. He didn't have to ask though, as she almost immediately began to speak, seeming to be a bit nervous but wanting to tell him everything.

He listened closely as she spoke of her younger years, Aryeh, and a school for music that she had apparently been accepted at. It all sounded quite nice, however, she explained that she didn't want to go to the school. Or, at least she had at one point, but not now, even though she was accepted. He smiled when she mentioned pity points. "That's great," was his first response- positive and reassuring. "I mean, it's good that you were accepted. Even if you don't want to go, it's just another proof that you are amazing. Since I am supposedly biased, it goes to show that maybe my bias is actually true." He still smiled, but saw that Vanessa was maybe a bit more troubled than he had thought. "But just because you are accepted doesn't mean you have to go, right? I mean, don't you still have a choice? If you want to go, go. If you don't want to go, then don't." Jeremiah hoped he didn't sound too apathetic about the situation. He just wondered why Vanessa seemed somewhat distraught by the whole situation. Of course, maybe it was just fear of not knowing what she really did want. "I guess I'm just trying to say that I support whatever decision you make. You can still do music even if you don't go there, and if you do, then it is only another step on your way to fame." He gave another smile, trying to be as reassuring as he could.

[Vanessa Baer]

“Hah,” Vanessa said with a triumphant grin, “my life’s goal is complete.” She brightened her grin. She really did love how she felt when she was around him. There was no other way to describe it than the word ‘carefree.’ Vanessa could really describe it as so much more than that if she really put her mind to it, because she felt this way only once before and that was when she first started to play the piano. That precious moment that she put her fingers to the ebony and ivory keys and pressed on them to make the beautiful tune that forever embedded itself into her memory. Yes, she could write down her feelings into a song if she really wanted to, but at this moment she was just enjoying the feeling… she didn’t want to ruin it by analyzing it. As they walked, and Jeremiah told her she was a pleasant surprise, she felt that familiar flutter in her stomach. She didn’t say anything, but held a small smile as they continued to walk at a steady pace. It was just simple, and Vanessa could get lost in the moment forever, but the realities of life brought her back down and she let out another small sigh as they continued to stroll down the corridor. She didn’t know why this issue made her heart sink, but it did. Maybe it was because it just showed how much her life had changed from her life before Hogwarts to what it was now. Seven years ago, Vanessa would have jumped at the chance to attend RAM, but now? She didn’t even want to bother replying to the dean of admissions. Music was still her life, and she still wanted to pour her heart and soul out into it… but she didn’t want to change it into something where it was just music and not a passion.

Vanessa broke herself away from her thoughts when she heard Jeremiah speaking. She looked over at him as he said it was great because it showed just how amazing she really was. “Oh, you’re very biased. Well,” Vanessa scrunched up her face in thought, “I think you are. Oh, it doesn’t really matter, considering it’s your opinion that matters to me, not some stuck up guy in a pinstriped suit’s opinion.” She smiled again and then shook her head, “No, you’re right, I don’t have to go. Ultimately it is my decision about whether or not I attend RAM, but I can almost predict that Aryeh is going to throw a huge fit about it. I can’t really give him the excuse that I have Hogwarts, can I? Because it’s next term. So, I’d have no ‘good’ excuse to give him. And as much as Aryeh can be an arrogant git, I’d rather not lose him as a friend.” Aryeh had always had the odd way of just… wanting to control every aspect of Vanessa’s life. She wasn’t sure if it was because he had a feeling of brotherly protection over her, or if it was something else; but whatever it was got to the very core of Vanessa’s nerves. Needless to say, when she wrote him letters recently a lot of them were about Jeremiah. His replies had been nothing short of hostile, and Vanessa had finally given up on writing him. If he wanted to grow up and act his age, then he would do it without pushing Vanessa around and making her feel crummy. Aryeh wanted her to expand her life musically, and musically only. That was it. He wanted her to be famous more than she did.

Speaking of. “I don’t want fame, Jeremiah. I want love from music, life, lessons, hope. I want to inspire people to understand, to grow, to be happy. I want them to hear my song and nod their heads and say, ‘Yeah, I know what this girl means, I know where she’s coming from.’ I want people to think of my songs when certain moments happen. Moments like… when you first meet that one person you just know you’re supposed to be with, or when you look up into the stars make a wish and just feel that your wish is going to come true because it just feels so right. Or… when you look at that one person who makes life so carefree and just want to get lost in the moment.” Vanessa looked at him, her eyes sparkling, and then she looked down as a small blush rose to her cheeks. “Th-that’s what I want. And I don’t think RAM can give me that.”

[Jeremiah Baer]

Jeremiah smiled when Vanessa said that only his opinion mattered. He doubted that was completely true, but it made him feel good that she would venture to say that. Then however, his smile was replaced by a partial frown when Vanessa mentioned the name Aryeh. Maybe it was a jealously thing, and maybe not, but either way, Jeremiah always got a sick feeling in his stomach when Vanessa brought him up. It wasn't that he wanted to be so selfish in that he told Vanessa never to talk of Aryeh again, but it was only natural to think deep down how Aryeh had known Vanessa for a lot longer than he had and how he felt like no matter what, Vanessa would always go back to Aryeh in her thoughts or whatever. It was something Jeremiah wished he could get over, but it was hard, considering what Vanessa went on to tell him.

A bit frustrated, but wanting to sound as caring and unselfish as possible, Jeremiah stopped in the middle of the hall and looked at Vanessa. "Look, don't get me wrong and think that I hate Aryeh," he began, wanting to make it clear from the start his standpoint. "But it just seems to me like he is trying to live your life for you. I mean, by doing this without even telling you, it just seems somewhat directing if you ask me. Now I know that you two will always hold a special bond of friendship or even a sibling-like relationship as you described it; and I respect that. But Vanessa, I also respect you and think that you deserve to live the life that you want. I mean, if you want RAM, then by all means, go for it. But only if you want it." He paused and gave her a weak smile, trying to portray his concern. "You just deserve a life of happiness that you choose and have for your own. So don't let the things that Aryeh does, or even me for that matter, stop you from living the life that you want. I'm sure that Aryeh will understand if he is as close a friend as you say he is. Probably, he just wants the best for you in what he thinks is best. Only you know what's best though Vanessa, so don't be afraid to follow your heart."

He stopped and hoped that he didn't sound too parent like or even arrogant. Really, he just wanted Vanessa to feel free to make her own choices and live her own life. For too long, Jeremiah lived a life trying to please his father and doing what might make his father happy. Ever since his father passed away, Jeremiah began to realize the importance of living a life of your own, free from the constraints of others opinions and wishes for you. He put his hand around the back of Vanessa's head and pulled it to rest on his chest. With his other hand around her back, Jeremiah held her for a second and then whispered in her ear, "we better not stay in one place for too long. It will only make it easier for Filch to come upon us."

[Vanessa Baer]

Vanessa held a small smile on her face when Jeremiah stopped walking and then told her not to get him wrong and think that he hated Aryeh. Honestly, Vanessa wanted him to hate Aryeh, and she wasn’t sure why. Perhaps it would give her freedom from the horrible life Aryeh had seemed to trap her in after freeing her from the life she had lead before him. She knew that sounded almost absolutely ridiculous, but she couldn’t help it. Jeremiah had become this symbol for freedom in the form of carefree leisure time, and Aryeh still loomed over her as a symbol of imprisonment. There had been a moment in time where Aryeh had been everything to Vanessa because he had single-handedly took her out of a life she had despised. But now she realized that he had just led her into a deeper and darker life, one that held no happiness and only success. Jeremiah had been the person to make her really realize that her music was for her, not for Aryeh, and that she was capable of living without the McKenzie kid holding her back. He made her realize it, even if he didn’t know he had. For that, Vanessa owed Jeremiah a lot and she didn’t know how she could ever cover how happy she had been with a simple word or a simple action.

“I don’t… know. You’re right, Aryeh has been living through me. He’s stuck at home, with parents who hate him enough to kick him out once a week, and when they usually did that he’d come over to my house and we’d make music. I’m not there anymore, so he’s lonely. It’s understandable, but it’s scary. I’ve told him time and again that I’ve grown as a person and that there are certain decisions I’ve got to make on my own.” Vanessa shrugged as a thought whirled around in her head. A specific thought, a line from a letter she had received from Aryeh. She didn’t repeat what he had said, though, considering it was about Jeremiah… Vanessa offered Jeremiah a small smile and pushed the thought from her mind. “He just doesn’t get it, I’m not that scared little girl I used to be. I’m so much more than that, and he doesn’t want me to be. I know it’s what I think is best for me that matters, but sometimes it helps to have a little extra guidance, you know? And for the longest time Aryeh was that guidance. Now, I’m not so sure I want him to be.” She was more than sure that she didn’t want him to be, because it hadn’t done her any good. She actually just wished that Aryeh would leave her alone because he was hindering her. I wish I would move on from the subject…

She had been quite lost in her thoughts that she didn’t think about where they were until she felt Jeremiah pull her to him in a hug. Vanessa smiled and closed her eyes as she hugged him back. It just felt so good to be in his arms, it felt so right. Every moment she spent with him was like something else entirely, and Vanessa really liked it. She didn’t want it to end. She had prohibited herself from thinking about what happened after Hogwarts and they both went their separate ways because the thoughts only brought her sadness and Vanessa had gotten so used to being happy. Everything was just magical with Jeremiah and she didn’t want that to end. Ladida, ladidi, it’s so magical… you’ll see. Oh, now the silly song was stuck in her head. Vanessa sighed a small sigh when she heard Jeremiah whisper in her ear about moving or else Filch would be able to find them easier. She pulled away from him, rather reluctantly; “I honestly don’t know why Dumbledore keeps him around, he’s frightening. Always threatening students to hang them by their ankles from the ceiling of his office.” Vanessa let out an involuntary shudder and then smiled at Jeremiah as they began their walk again. They walked in silence a moment and then she brightened her smile, “My horoscope didn’t come true, yet. I’m taking it as a good thing, because I really don’t want to be attacked by a doxy or something. Have you ever been attacked by a doxy? They’re nasty little pests.”

((Yey for girly and corny posts!))

[Jeremiah Baer]

Jeremiah was happy to hear Vanessa's response. In a way, he'd expected her to defend Aryeh, so he was glad when she actually said how he almost irritated her in a sense. Overall, her response was a lot better than Jeremiah had expected. He was glad to see that she really was thinking straight and that it must have just been worry and concern that was weighing on her heart, causing her to share with him what she had. He couldn't blame her though. After she finished, Jeremiah didn't feel as if there was really anything he should add. He already felt like he had said enough and didn't want to drag on.

Sighing, Vanessa pulled away after Jeremiah had whispered about Filch. He grinned at her comment about how frightening Filch was. "Eh, he's all talk if you ask me. I mean seriously, he can't even do magic, or at least that's what I heard." Jeremiah held Vanessa's hand in his as they walked. His time patrolling was almost finished, and so he headed in the direction of Hufflepuff's common room so that he could get Vanessa back safely without her risking getting caught and loosing house points. This was the second time he had taken her back after curfew, of course this time she had sought him out and the other they had been working on an assignment together.

He pushed away the memories of the last time they were in this place as they neared the door. It had been a great night, but he brought himself back to the present. "Just remember," he said, stopping as they neared the door. "I support whatever decision you make." He gave her a small grin before giving her a good-night kiss on the lips. "See you in Transfiguration tomorrow?" he asked, knowing that he could use her help as McGonagall had been bombarding them lately with quite advanced magic. Smiling as she nodded, Jeremiah turned to head to the Gryffindor common room. "Night Beautiful," he said with a radiant smile as he blew her another kiss before she disappeared.