Echoes ((Closed))

[Harmony Chan H6]

Harmony rested her arm on the windowsill as she stared blankly through the misted pane of glass, her head gently touching the frosty surface. She could barely make out the greying skies that signalled the end of the day, nor did her brain process the swirling clouds rolling in from the west. In all honesty, Harmony was looking at nothing but her own reflection, echoed dimly in the mirror-like window. Although she looked her usual self – short straight black locks lapping her shoulders; a small petite nose that currently felt rather cold; delicate slanting eyebrows matching her hair – her normally warm brown eyes gave her emotions away immediately, their naivety and kindness replaced by empty, unfeeling orbs. Her lips mirrored this, tilting downwards and pursed together, front teeth biting hard on her bottom lip, chapped and sore from continuous nibbling, gnawing and licking.

Harmony’s friends had been constantly trying to talk to her, attempting to be there for her, comfort her in her time of need. But it wasn’t getting through to the twelve-year-old Hufflepuff. Her brain appeared to have shut down from shock, and she lived her every day life literally automatically. It had been a day since she had found out about her mother’s death, and since then Harmony had awoke at her usual time in the morning, prepared herself, and gone down for breakfast in the Great Hall, though she barely touched the food before her, despite others’ concerns, and neither would she say much unless she had to. Following that she had shuffled to lessons, and silently processed the work until lunch. Harmony acted the same at lunch as she did breakfast and dinner, rarely eating large amounts and refusing to say anything more than yes and no. As classes started again, she sat through them monotonously until the end of the day. For homework, instead of burying herself like she normally did in the Student Lounge, Harmony retreated to her dormitory, a place where most people could not reach her. This suited her just fine. There she completed the designated work, and using her spare time, did what she was presently doing. Sitting by the windowsill, staring blankly outside, away from people, away from reality.

Harmony had to wait until tomorrow morning, as Ariane and her would be leaving for London then. It was going to be a long, long wait. She was currently alone. None of the girls that shared her dormitory were present, and she was glad of this. Right now she just wanted to be left in solitude, needed time to contemplate and come to terms with the sudden deaths of her family members. Especially her mother. Her wonderful, loving mother. Harmony could clearly visualise Lorraine Chan’s face, her short black hair so very much like her own, her soft brown eyes that watched her with love. Harmony saw this image so very often. Right before her eyes sometimes, now and then standing calmly beside her. Occasionally Harmony would watch old scenes between them, replaying their voices in her mind, staring at things that had been and done. However much Harmony did not wish to see these images, did not want to let her gaze drop to her deceased mother again, she also could not let go. She couldn’t forget the mother that brought her into the world. Harmony knew she would never see that face again. She would never hear that voice again. She would never feel those hugs again. Never again.

Never ever again.

And so the tears came.

[Harmony Chan H6]

Harmony tried to stop them, she honestly did, but twenty-four hours was already a record, and she didn’t care anymore. She didn’t care if it was weak and pathetic, if it was a sin to cry, but she really needed to let some of her emotions out, and since no one was able to help by talking to her, crying seemed to be the best way out. It had a long time since Harmony had cried, and it felt so reassuring to feel that sensation again that as her shoulders sagged, the flow of tears kept streaming down her face at an unstoppable rate. Dripping off her chin and landing silently on the windowsill, Harmony didn’t even bother wiping them away from her pale cheeks. It felt good, the cold moisture settling on her face. She wanted to scream to the outside world that, yes, she was crying. She was crying.

But this wasn’t grievous crying. No, when that occurred, Harmony knew she couldn’t help but shudder uncontrollably and weep like a child. But right now, she hadn’t even moved an inch. She merely sat there, frozen, tears cascading down her face like a waterfall torrent. Her eyes fixed on her reflection, Harmony suddenly saw a familiar figure standing behind her in the misted mirror, smiling peacefully at her. That wonderful face. Moist eyes widening, Harmony flung herself around, whispering in disbelief, “Mum?” But when Harmony turned, no one was standing behind her. It was just her and the empty dormitory. Staring into the vacant space, Harmony gave an audible sigh before sinking down onto her bed again, the tap on her waterworks silenced for now. She had cried enough already. The windowsill was damp, and some had even fallen onto her clothes.

Suddenly, a small meow could be heard from her feet, and Harmony glanced down with wet eyes at familiar bright green eyes, bending downwards in sadness. Managing a tight smile, Harmony let her hands wander to Dori’s petite head, gently stroking her ears absentmindedly. Mutely crawling into her lap, Dori rested her face against Harmony’s stomach in a reassuring manner. Grateful for her cat’s support, Harmony settled down into her bed, lying on it stiffly, cuddling Dori against her cold body. “Maybe this is just a dream.” Harmony murmured to herself as she stared blankly at the ceiling, willing the truth to leave her be. “It’s just a dream.” She reaffirmed again, but her own voice sounded distant even to her own ears. Though she knew trying to convince herself of positiveness wouldn’t work, Harmony also couldn’t believe that her mother was dead. It was so hard to accept. And it was even harder to acknowledge the fact that it had been her father who had murdered her.

Harmony had honestly believed in her father. Although he was a bad person, although he did make their lives hell, Harmony truly believed he could never do anything like killing someone. Back in her youth, she had always been terrified of him. Henry Chan was so intimidating and controlling, and Harmony always obeyed to the best of her ability. She hated getting into trouble. But there had been the good times too, times when she was just a baby that had been quite family-like, and warming to the heart. Harmony couldn’t remember everything; it was strange she recalled memories from such a young age at all. But some were so vivid they stayed with her forever, and when she was getting older and started feeling sad about her father, she’d try to remember the good times when he wasn’t so scary.

”Harmony! Harmony!”

Harmony heard the voices calling her in her mind, that familiar person returning from the past to take her away. She didn’t struggle, merely welcoming the return of memories, and suddenly the ceiling turned into old images, scenes from years ago when times were not so sad, not so grievous…

”Harmony, come on now, get over here!” A young woman with a fresh face and straight black hair past her shoulders was running after a running toddler about three years old, her bright yellow skirt flapping behind her in the breeze. She had sunglasses pushed up through her short hair, and an amused smile lit her pretty face. Finally reaching the young child, who was wearing a pretty pink dress, the woman scooped her up with a laugh, causing the little girl to giggle happily. “Gotcha!” She grinned into the child’s face, just as delighted as the girl with their chasing game.

“Lorraine! You got her yet? We’re ready!” A cheerful male voice called from a distance, and the young woman shouted back in reply, beginning to walk towards the voice with the toddler resting comfortably in her arms.

“Yep, I got her Henry, we’re coming! Aren’t you a little horror, Harmony?” The women turned to the little girl with a teasing smile, hefting her higher in her arms.

“I’m not, mummy.” The toddler giggled again with her tinkling tones and glittering eyes. Her face was a baby version of the women’s, with similar hair up to her shoulders. “I’m a good girl.”

“Well, you’d better be, or you are getting no food, you hear?” The women laughed at her response, and set her gently on the grass again, giving her an encouraging push in the right direction, “Now go on, go to daddy. He’s waiting for us.” Without needing to be told anymore, the little girl ran excitedly into a young man’s arms, her grin lighting her baby face.

“Hi daddy! We’re back!” She giggled as she planted a kiss on the man’s cheek. He was dressed in a simple pale blue t-shirt and jeans, a relaxed look in his posture.

“What took you so long? We’ve been waiting for you.” The man replied cheekily, chucking the girl under the chin with a smile as she tried to reach for his short black hair. Meanwhile, the women had returned in the picture, and was greeting a girl about five or six years old, who had been kept from view because of the man.

“Everything’s done, mum.” The older girl spoke quietly with a small smile, motioning towards a delicious looking picnic in the corner below a large oak tree. Her long black hair shone in the bright summer sunshine, and her red skirt was like a beautiful flower savouring the warmth of the good weather. It was obvious she was related to the young man, because whilst the baby girl looked a lot like the women, she was a female replicate of the man.

“Thank you, Ari.” The woman smiled gratefully at her, giving her a warm hug in the process. Suddenly, the toddler interrupted them by jumping into their arms.

“Ari, I want a hug too!” She declared loudly, a pout on her childish face. Sighing exaggeratingly, the older girl gave a small smile before reaching down and embracing her tightly.

“Come on, Harmony, let’s eat. You know mummy brought chocolate cakes, right?” The older child grinned, letting the toddler go and taking her hand instead, leading her over to the prepared picnic.

“Oo, chocolate cake!” The younger girl was obviously thrilled as she shrieked in delight, running ahead and dragging her companion with her.

Laughing, the two adults in the background also made their way towards the tree, hand in hand. Turning to the man, the woman smiled lovingly at him, gently caressing her fingers over his. “Wo ai ni.” She whispered softly, letting her head rest on his shoulder to the sounds of the children rummaging around the picnic hamper.

“Me too.” The man merely replied with a smile of his own, before they settled down beside the excited children. “Let’s eat!” He declared with a grin, and suddenly everyone was at the food and drink.

A single tear rolled down Harmony’s cheek from her eye as the images faded from the ceiling, leaving a vacant white round circle. “Wo ai ni.” She whispered to herself, still half stuck in the past.

((Translation of ”Wo ai ni.” = ”I love you.”))

[Harmony Chan H6]

Harmony could still visualise that bright yellow skirt her mother used to wear; it had always been Lorraine Chan’s favourite piece of clothing back in her young mothering years. She said to Harmony that it reminded her especially of that one day, when the sun was shining so bright it looked as fluorescent as her skirt, when problems between the family had seemed impossible and so far away. Lorraine had also said that the colour reminded her of her baby daughter, so happy and adorable. Harmony’s favourite colour was yellow because of that. It would always be Harmony’s favourite colour.

Ari was also so peaceful in that memory, not as uptight and closed off as she was now, and that made Harmony even sadder to remember it. Ari had always been shy and quiet, but then she had become the way she was now, and nothing Harmony could do could bring her back. Lorraine hadn’t changed on the outside as much, but she was an adult, and could control her outer emotions easier than a young Ari could. However, even Lorraine couldn’t hide the fact that she wasn’t as happy as she used to be. There was a sadness around her that most people noticed almost immediately, despite her bright smiles and gentle tones. And how had Harmony herself changed? Well, she was shyer now, not so sure about herself as she used to be. Her happiness had been slightly dented, although she tried to retain a positive attitude about everything. Harmony didn’t know how much she had changed, but she certainly had, and she didn’t think it was for the best either. Henry Chan had done so much to ruin their lives, but Harmony still couldn’t bring herself to hate him, to blame him. Was this going to be the last straw for her?

Harmony knew that Ari thought her insane for her forgiving attitude. Ari also felt the same way towards Aurora, and often said that Harmony had an excuse due to her naïve behaviour; Aurora on the other hand had long lost that innocence, and could still find it in herself to forgive so easily. Ari thought their cousin too trusting, but it was a wonderful quality in Harmony’s eyes. She really admired Aurora, as well as Ari, and they were the two main role models in her life. But now Harmony wondered what Aurora would do in her position? Could he forgive her father?

”Mummy, why did you call me Harmony?”

“Because your daddy said when you were born, you brought harmony into our lives. He named you, and you’re our little harmony-maker in this family!”

Giggles. Lots of giggles. Giggling everywhere. They were deafening. ”Go away, make it go away!” Harmony screamed in her mind as she shut her eyes tightly and clamped her hands around her ears to prevent her mind from feeding her anymore of the memories. It was like she was drinking the pain and the hurt, couldn’t stop the images from floating into her head. Echoes from the past kept coming back to haunt her, and were slowly eroding away at her insides. Beginning to cry again, Harmony hugged Dori even closer to her chest as the black kitten mewed almost reassuringly in her ear. ”Please just leave me alone, mum.”

Forgiveness? What was that? What did it mean? Was there such a thing? Harmony didn’t know. She had almost lost sight of it.

[Harmony Chan H6]

Harmony was angry now. Angry at everyone. She hated her father for terrorising her childhood, for making her unhappy, for killing her mother. She hated her mother for leaving her alone in the world, when she’d promised she’d always look after her little girl. She hated Ari for doing such a bad job of convincing her that everything would be fine, for always making her feel weak, small and dependent. She hated Aurora for having the perfect family, something which Harmony would never, ever have, hated her for her lively, friendly and open personality. She even hated innocent and defenceless Dori for having no troubles in life. Right now, Harmony was bursting with so much buried hatred she felt like hitting someone. No. Killing someone.

But wait. The fault landed on nobody more than God. That immortal presence that so many people preached about, prayed to, worshipped. The being that Harmony had not yet made up her mind yet as to if he (or indeed, she, perhaps even it) existed. Suddenly all Harmony’s blame, all her building up fury, was thrown at him, her mind screaming and questioning repeatedly to why she deserved this treachery. As she stared at the ceiling with tears running down her wet face, all Harmony could think of, imagine, was grabbing God by the scruff of his collar and demanding him to make things right. If he couldn’t, then he’d at least give her a chance to do so. Repeat the past, so Harmony could change it. She would do anything to run back to her childhood and fix whatever had gone wrong, make her father listen to her, find out what had caused him to turn against his family so coldly. Make sure he never hurt them to the point that Lorraine would leave him with her and Ari, therefore never giving him the chance to murder her mother. And consequently Hogwarts would never have existed, Ari and her would never have become fully-fledged witches, and England would have been a far cry from their home of America.

Harmony’s anger slowly faded into emptiness again. This bout of rage had lasted longer than the others, but she didn’t believe in God’s existence now anymore than she did before. Harmony just needed to point that finger of blame on somebody until she could get over her grief. But she knew that at the end of the day, God was not the one to blame. No one was to blame. That was life for you. Harmony had often received the typical lecture from Ari, and right now, Harmony had the strange urge to shove it down her throat, and scream why was life was flippin’ difficult for people like her? What had they ever done to deserve such tragedies in their lives? But Harmony knew what Ari was saying made sense; she had to accept what had happened and move on. Moving on seemed so far away right now, but Harmony had to get there. She may have to cross mountains and swim through oceans to finally reach recovery, but every step she took would be a step closer. Harmony just had to find the courage to start walking.

Regaining control of her rage, Harmony suddenly sat up on her bed without sweeping her gaze round the empty dormitory. Letting Dori meow in protest as he fell onto her lap, she hesitantly grabbed her wand by her side and summoned a piece of parchment, a quill and some ink out of her bag. Taking the quill with a frown, Harmony stared at the blank parchment for a good long five minutes, before setting to work silently, her gaze steely and unfeeling, devoid of any grief or anger as she wrote slowly.

Run. Hide.
All that was sacred to us
See the signs
The covenant has been broken
By mankind
Leaving us with no shoulder
To rest our head on

Harmony glanced over her written words briefly, realised how jerky her lines were, how broken up the sentences lay across the page. But that suited her. Suited her just fine. This new style of writing was new to her, but it accommodated well her emotions. And so she continued.

Who's got my back now?
When all we have left is deceptive
So disconnected
So what is the truth now?

There's still time
All that has been devastated
Can be recreated
Realise
We pick up the broken pieces
Of our lives
Giving ourselves to each other
To rest our head on

Who's got my back now?
When all we have left is deceptive
So disconnected
So what is the truth now?

Tell me the truth now
Tell us the truth now

Who's got my back now?
When all we have left is deceptive
So disconnected
So what is the truth now?

Finishing the song lyrics, and entitling it “Who’s Got my Back?” after a short but thoughtful pause, Harmony summoned three more pieces of parchment with her wand and using a simple spell, copied the writing onto them. Taking the original copy, Harmony disintegrated it to ashes, and cleaned it up almost automatically. Gazing at her fresh copies, she sent them back into her school bag before taking some more new parchment and setting about writing more. Harmony couldn’t stop her hand from wanting to dispel her feelings, because they were bound so tightly inside, waiting to burst, that they ached to be known, to be heard, to be seen. To exist.