About That Trust Thing ((Adam))

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

Classes were such a drag the whole day. Dixie felt like she was trapped. Maybe it was because she knew people in her classes she could never trust, and she wanted to get out of the classroom to find that trust. Some reason ever since her and Adam had talked about it, Dixie had been wondering if she would ever find trust. She even tried talking to other people, but all that did was make them run off screaming or watching her and waiting for her to do something completely crazy. The only person who had actually cared enough about getting to know her was Adam, and she hadn't spoken to him in a few days. Dixie sighed as she left her class of the day and headed toward the Great Hall. She stood in the doorway to the giant room and watched all the students sit and chat and laugh and eat with their friends. Suddenly, Dixie wasn't very hungry. She stood there a moment longer and then made her way out of the main entryway and to the double doors. Once outside, she crossed toward the lake which was illuminated by the sparkling sun.

She leaned against a tree and watched the water dance with the light from the sun. Why was she having such trouble with finding someone to trust? Wasn't trust supposed to come easily? Was it something that could be found? Dixie closed her eyes as a breeze came by, blowing her hair out of the loose braids it was in. She opened her eyes after a moment when she realized her thoughts wouldn't stop by her closing them. I just want to find something or someone to trust in, is that too much to ask? Dixie sighed and tilted her head toward the sun, "Apparently so." It was pointless for her to be speaking, but sometimes thoughts sounded more together if they were spoken. "I didn't know it would be this hard, if I had I wouldn't have agreed to anything. Of course, I didn't know what I was agreeing to when he asked me. The sneaky little...." Dixie trailed off and then sighed, "It's no use blaming him, all he wanted to do was help you."

She slid her shoulderbag to the ground so it wasn't pulling her right shoulder down anymore and kept her gaze at the horizon. It wasn't hurting her eyes, and even if it did she probably wouldn't have noticed with how deep in thought she seemed to be. "Why is it so frustrating? And why can't anyone answer me these questions that seem to cloud my mind?" Dixie crossed her arms and tore her gaze away from the horizon. She looked down at the ground and continued to think, she was thinking so much and so hard that she didn't notice anyone approach her.

[Professor Adam Greene]

Adam was on his way to the Great Hall. He had just got out of Arithmancy class, which he had actually enjoyed today. They worked on using their birthdays to predict their futures. As much as he struggled with the whole area of Divination, when you added numbers in the mix, he seemed a lot more confident.

Hungry since he skipped breakfast, Adam looked forward to eating. He didn't though look forward to the usual mealtime at the Slytherin table. Whoever decided that sitting by house at meals needed to rethink the whole thing about unity. If it wasn't bad enough, the segregation that occurred naturally, they had to add this to make it even harder to branch out and find friends from other houses. But perhaps it was best that way. Adam had managed six years of it, so what was one more year. Soon he would be in the real world, happy that he hadn't made any friends that would be hard to leave. But maybe he wasn't happy, he thought.

As he neared the top of the staircase, he looked down into the foyer where the students filed into the Great Hall. He spotted a familiar head of dark hair that belonged to Dixie, the girl that he had recently spent an entire evening getting to know. As a fellow Slytherin, he figured he could sit with her to eat. However, just as he was about to call out her name, she disappeared out the main entrance. Wrinkling his eyebrows in confusion, Adam's curiosity led him to follow after her.

He watched as she made her way across the grounds. Following her, he stopped when she stopped. He was far enough behind her that she probably didn't notice him. He thought he heard her speak, but he was not close enough to hear what she was saying. Contemplating whether or not he should approach her, he finally decided he might as well see what she was doing.

Quietly, Adam crept up behind Dixie and decided to surprise her. As he was standing just behind her, he placed his hands over her eyes and whispered, "Guess who?"

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

Dixie jumped as someone's hands covered her eyes and then a whisper. She smiled slightly, "Oh, I don't know. The only person brave enough to approach me without their wand at the ready?" She reached up and grabbed his hand, pulled it away from her eyes before turning to look at Adam, "Hi there," she said, her smile widening. "Why aren't you at dinner? Don't guys like to eat?" It wasn't that she didn't mind having Adam for company, in fact she enjoyed it more than she enjoyed having anyone else for company; but her mind was still reeling from all the questions that raced through at record speed and Adam was the person who had put more than half of them there. Of course, that wasn't always a bad thing. Actually, it could be a very good thing. Questions are what made people understand things easier and Dixie definitely needed to understand things easier. She sighed and turned her attention back to the horizon.

"Isn't it pretty?" She asked, almost forgetting that it was just the sky. "It was helping me think, as weird as that sounds." She narrowed her eyes a bit and then shook her head, it didn't sound awfully weird. She had said weirder things the night he had challenged her. Hadn't she? She couldn't quite remember, her memory wasn't as good as that. Dixie watched the sky a moment and looked at Adam again. "So, you know that challenge you issued me and it basically turned into me having to learn how to trust? I realized something," Dixie nodded and bit the inside of her cheek before continuing, "I've realized that I can't trust anything that walks, talks, or breathes. I'm probably better off trusting a teddy bear."

With a smirk, Dixie turned her attention away from Adam once more, she couldn't seem to keep still and she wondered why. Maybe it was because of everything that was going on, she didn't know but it bothered her regardless of the reason why. She normally didn't have this many questions running through her head though, so it wasn't a huge mystery as to why she had a huge headache and would like to think alone. Then again, she liked having company as long as the person who was keeping her company didn't completely annoy her. Like Adam, and actually, Adam was probably the only person who didn't annoy Dixie... welll... for now.

((Yeah, I added to it, but nothing that would effect your post. Just made it longer.))

[Professor Adam Greene]

When Dixie figured out that who he was, Adam returned the smile that she gave him when she turned to see him. He laughed at her comment. "Sure we like to eat, but girls beat food any day," he joked with a grin.

When she mentioned the sky, Adam took his first actual look at it. He had noticed it when he first left the castle, but he didn't think on it much. "That doesn't sound weird to me," he said. Adam's mind was constantly wondering, so it never really seemed odd to him for someone to be thinking. Dixie went on to bring up their last encounter.

"Well then I guess you fail the challenge?" he said in a sarcastic, joking tone. He knew he wasn't going to get mad at Dixie if she didn't follow through. He really only did that to help her think about the issue and at least come to some conclusions about it, and so far, that seemed to have at least had some positive affect.

Dixie turned away from him in silence. Part of her seemed a bit distant. This didn't surprise Adam though. After all, she had came out here to most likely be alone. He couldn't blame her if she deep down just preferred it if he left. "If I'm bothering you, I'll gladly leave," he quickly added, not wanting to upset Dixie. "I saw you in the Great Hall, and I was planning on catching you for dinner, but then I saw you leave. I followed you just to make sure you were alright." Adam paused- he suddenly lost some of the excitement that he had and became nervous. What if Dixie really didn't want him there? No, he thought, surely she seemed fine enough when she saw him. Still, he couldn't help but wander if she maybe just wanted to be alone. But even so, that didn't mean anything, did it?

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

“Don’t say that, Adam, remember one of my fears? Failure is one of the big ones. How about… I just wasn’t capable of completing the task?” Dixie smirked and ran her fingers through her hair as she continued to watch the sky, this time in the reflection of the water. She wasn’t going to give up on the challenge, although she wanted to badly. She wouldn’t quit something that might be beneficial to her later on. She tore her eyes away from the reflection of the sky in the lake and looked at Adam as he explained how he had seen her at the entrance to the Great Hall and how he wanted to make sure she was alright. She tilted her head in curiosity and smiled softly.

“Don’t go. I like the company, even if it means talking.” She teased playfully and then turned her gaze back to the sky; it was something that kept drawing her attention. “I’m fine, though. Well, as fine as I can be nowadays. I wasn’t hungry, is all. I might go to the kitchens later on tonight and have the house elves fix me something to eat, but at the moment I’m not starving.” She cast a sideways glance to Adam and then narrowed her eyes, “Aren’t you hungry? I mean, it’s not that I don’t love your company, it’s just… aren’t guys always hungry?”

Dixie looked down at the ground, noting that the grass was dry, and pulled on Adam’s arm; forcing him to follow her to the ground. Once she was sitting she turned to look at Adam, and then suddenly smiled. “I didn’t thank you the other night like I should have.” Her smile wilted a bit, thanking or apologizing weren’t things Dixie did often. Especially to someone outside her family.

[Professor Adam Greene]

"I'm sorry," Adam apologized. He didn't mean for his sarcastic joke to hurt Dixie. "I shouldn't have said that. I'm sure that you can complete the challenge anyways. And I will be willing to help you as much as I can." He gave her a smile, hoping she would forget his comment of failure.

Dixie's next comment made Adam glad. At least he was right in thinking that she enjoyed or at least didn't mind him being there. "Good," he said, "I'm in a rare mood for myself, a talking mood. And as far as being hungry, you've got that pretty much correct. However, I don't think I'll die if I skip one meal," he teased. "Maybe I'll just have to join you in the kitchens later tonight then."

"Oh, you don't have to thank me," he said as he blushed a bit. Dixie really didn't need to thank him though, that was true. Adam felt that he owed her an apology, if anything. "I greatly enjoyed our conversation. I'll admit, I never expected it, but you proved my presuppositions wrong. But that's a good thing," he gave a small grin as he thought about what they had talked about. If he'd have guessed, it was one of the deepest conversations Adam had ever had. Looking back at Dixie, he commented, "I want to thank you as well, for helping me step out of my comfort zone a little bit. It's not everyday that I do things like start conversations with those I don't know very well. But I'm glad that I did."

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

Dixie laughed, "Well if you do die, Adam, be sure to let me know. I'll send a fruit basket to your family. Do they like pomegranates?" Dixie smiled soflty at the memory of a few years back. Mack had kept saying she was dying, for what reason who knew? She probably wanted attention. Either way, Dixie squashed her attention seeking attempt and told her that if she died Pam and Derreck would be so caught up in all the food they would receive for their 'loss' they wouldn't even notice she was gone. Mack stormed off and locked herself in the attic. Taking her anger and hatred for Dixie out on the guitar. Yes, Dixie wasn't a perfect older sister. But a lot of things she did... she had good intentions. Mack didn't know that, and a part of Dixie was happy that she didn't. It meant that Dixie could continue to watch over her younger sister without people knowing.

She shook her head slightly, bringing herself to the present. Her mind wandered too often for Dixie to be comfortable enough with it. Her eyes locked with Adam's, "Everyone sees me as this scary person. 'Ooh, she's a Queen, stay away from her she'll curse you into oblivion!'" Dixie wiggled her fingers as if she were casting a spell and then scowled, "Just because Israel Moon's that way, or Pansy Parkinson was... doesn't mean that I am. I hate how the Queens are classified as being.... one person. I'm my own person, thank you, and I can be friendly if I want to be." Dixie crosesd her arms in a small pout, and then sighed laying her head on her arms which were resting on her knees. This was her seventh year at Hogwarts and Dixie had been classified as the crazy Queen. Why couldn't she just be Dixie Holden? Because no one likes her. That was the answer that rang through her head at the question. Was that true though? Did anybody like Dixie for who she was? Who was she? She put on appearances much more often than she actually was herself.

Her head lifted as he started to thank her and confusion rippled across her face. Adam then went on to explain what he meant and Dixie tilted her head slightly to the side; "You know, you were the one who talked to me first. If you hadn't meantioned Harrison, I probably wouldn't have spoken to you." She teased, but it was most likely true. Dixie stayed to herself... it usually took a little contact from the outside world to get her going again.

[Professor Adam Greene]

Adam smiled as he listened to Dixie joke about his comment of dying if he didn't get food. She sure did have a knack for sarcasm. But it wasn't the cynical kind. It was the kind that made Adam smile because he knew it was just Dixie's way of playful fun. It was something he was already becoming used to from Dixie, and even if he expected it, it still made him smile or laugh every time.

As always though, the conversation turned to a serious topic, which seemed to be a dominant theme in their conversations so far. Adam still listened though as Dixie talked about how everyone else viewed her, and how she felt about it all. He listened though, because he cared, not because he felt obligated to listen. It really hit home with Adam, and everything Dixie said made so much sense.

"Well then," he said rather profoundly after she mentioned his talking about Harrison, "I'm very glad that I brought him up. I can honestly say Dixie that you are the one person that I've met who I think understands life the way I do. Even in these few conversations we've had, I've felt that there is someone else who finally sees what I see." He stopped for a second and looked at the ground. He hoped that he wasn't freaking Dixie out or anything. It was just something that had been overcoming him gradually, and he felt that he should tell her. "I guess I just want to say thanks for that, because it really helps to just make me fell more at ease. I like to think that I've finally been able to find someone who isn't like everyone else, so willing to just conform to the norms of society and accept the judging that everyone is so easily drawn into. I mean I know that I am drawn into it sometime, but I feel that I still have a grasp of realizing that I can control it, you know?" Adam realized his words were probably coming across as very confusing. He wasn't even sure if what he said matched what he was thinking. He just looked at Dixie and stared for a moment, taking in everything from their first conversation until now. "You're one of a kind, Dixie Holden, and I hope that you realize the only person who needs to be happy with who you are is yourself."

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

Adam smiled and Dixie felt herself break into a grin. She didn’t know if what she had said made him smile, or just her talking in general. Actually, she didn’t care, the fact was he smiled. Dixie wrapped her arms around her legs and hugged herself against the cold. She sat in that post as she listened to what Adam had to say. In a way it was comforting, because he was basically saying he didn’t think any less of her because she was tearing down the wall that made her Queen material. But in another way it was frightening, because she knew that by him understanding at least that bit – Dixie had let him in a little.

“I think I understand…” she trailed off as she looked up at Adam, “I think I understand completely. No one can avoid being drawn into things such as being judged or judgmental, but it’s those who have realized they are that are the stronger ones.” Dixie smiled softly at that as she fiddled with her skirt. She didn’t take her eyes off the plaid pattern even when Adam spoke to her. When he finished his sentence, Dixie looked up quickly – her eyes widened.

“You mean, that is the secret to happiness? To be happy yourself? Well, I would have never guessed it.” Dixie smirked after she said this with abundant sarcasm, “I knew that… I was always told that I need to be happy with who I am before I can be happy with anything else. Hell, I even tried to be happy with who I am. But I never could be. When I look in the mirror I see a girl who could be ten times better than what she really is. No one’s told me I’m perfect, I’ve never gotten praise or compliments that were real and not forced. I… just am not happy with who I am, who I’ve become.” She shrugged, hoping that would make sense to him.

[Professor Adam Greene]

Dixie again seemed to get the gist of what Adam was trying to say. However, just when he thought that he might have been getting through to her, she threw down her well-worn sarcasm card and trumped everything that Adam had said and that she had seemed to agree to. With a playful rolling of his eyes and a grin, Adam had an idea.

"Alright Miss Holden," he teased in a fake, serious voice. He held out his hands and then pulled her to her feet. "Close your eyes, and clear your mind," he instructed. "An no peeking," he joked. Once he was satisfied with Dixie standing in front of him with her eyes closed, Adam let go of her hands and turned her shoulders so that she was now facing straight at the lake, where the sun's rays bounced off the water and reflected a small amount of light where they were standing.

"Now, I want you to think of all these things about yourself that you are not happy with. Just think of anything that you wish you could change. There is one catch though," he added, smiling, even though Dixie obviously couldn't see him. "You cannot think of anything that you want to change because of others. You can only think of things that you, Dixie Holden, want to change for yourself." He paused for a moment, making sure she understood.

Adam wasn't quite sure where he was going with this, but he thought that her closing her eyes and just feeling the sun's warmth might help to clear her mind. Then, by trying to think of only the things that she wanted to change for herself, Adam figured he might be able to pinpoint the true roots behind Dixie not being happy with herself and having such a hard time opening up to others. Even more, he felt that she was doing quite well with the second part, having shared quite a bit with himself. Nonetheless, he had promised to help her, and he really wanted to see her make progress in this area. "When you think you have a concrete list of points, you can open your eyes and turn around. Then, if you want, you can either keep the things to yourself and remember what they are, or I am willing to listen if you want to share them. It's totally up to you." Adam wanted to make her feel as comfortable as possible, and he hoped that was the case.

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

Dixie watched in curiosity as Adam pulled her to her feet and instructed her to close her eyes and clear her mind. Right. How could she possibly clear her mind? Nonetheless, Dixie glared at him slightly and then closed her eyes, finding some trust in him. She tried her best to clear her mind and she finally found the trick of focusing on her breathing. Her mind was still and remained to be still when he turned her in what she assumed to be the direction of the lake and the sunset. She listened for his voice and listened to his every word as she continued to concentrate on her breathing.

She stood there, and the only thing that came to her mind was the pain. I wish I weren’t crazy. Then, as if it were an avalanche, all these things she wished she wasn’t or wished she was cascaded over her mind. I wish I wasn’t jealous of Mack. I wish I was better at letting people in. I wish I hadn’t felt weak against him. Her hands started to shake a bit, but she clenched her fists and let the list go on, I wish I had done something to stop everything. I wish I had been strong enough to protect those I care about without being ashamed of them. Dixie nearly cried out, but Adam’s voice stopped her before she could. Opening her eyes, the sunlight burned them slightly. She turned around slowly and looked at him.

Without saying anything, she hugged him; burying her face in his shoulder. Her tears held up inside her eyes. She knew better than to cry. Crying wasn’t in her nature. Standing there for a moment, still hugging Adam, she whispered; “I wish I were different. Just different. Stronger. Better.”

[Professor Adam Greene]

Adam was still smiling as he watched Dixie think for a few moments. She was quiet, and she remained facing the sun. He stood, watching her back, as he waited for her to complete her thoughts and then they would go from there.

Suddenly though, before he really knew what happened, Dixie had turned, looked at him for a moment, and then hugged him tightly with her head pressed against his shoulder. She then whispered a few words, sounding desperate for change. Adam wasn't quite sure what to do at first, so he simply stood there and closed his eyes, searching for the right words to say.

Finally, Adam backed off a bit, enough so that he could see Dixie's face. He kept his hand on her shoulder as he leaned his head to the side so that it was at the same level as hers. Staring at her for a few moments, he finally spoke. "I'm so sorry Dixie. I didn't mean to make this more difficult for you. I think I may be trying to hard." He looked down at the ground, concentrating on his shoes before continuing. "Look Dixie, I don't know if you realize it or not, but the only reason I feel that I can help so much is because I have a hard time seeing you the way that you see yourself. If you ask me, I don't see someone who needs to be better or stronger, or even different for that matter. But I also realize that you know yourself better than I do. So I guess I just want you to know that I will be here if there is any way that I can help. I know that you are still working on the whole trust issue, so just understand that you only have to use it when you want to. I think I've done enough pushing for now. But I'll still be here if you ever just want to talk about anything."

He stopped again, hoping that she didn't see this as him pushing her away. He was beginning to realize that he had been pushing her limits quite a bit- especially for someone who had admitted to having such a hard time learning to trust. But at the same time, he felt that she was doing so well, not that he even thought she needed to improve or anything. He had only been trying to help her change what she had willingly sought to change in herself. Adam hoped that she realized that as well. Slowly, he pulled her back in to his shoulder and held his arms around her back. "I'm done pushing Dixie," he whispered back. "It's your pace now. If you want to change who you are, that is totally fine with me. I will be right here the whole time if you ever want my help. Aside from that, I'll just be here to be a friend." He smiled again before saying, "After all, who can't use a friend when you're like us, and the whole world seems to think you should be something else- someone you're not."

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

Dixie stepped back when he did and brought her right hand to her eyes where she wiped the tears that were threatening to fall from them. She watched him and listened to him speak. He was apologizing again. Her eyes danced with a fierce flame of anger as he continued to speak. The anger that was alive in her eyes diminished after awhile as she continued to listen to him. The anger turned into pain and then a small bit of admiration. She couldn’t ever see herself as anything besides weak because she did so many things that let her family down and that herself down. She allowed herself to be destroyed by the one person she did trust. By the one person I did trust… Her eyes brightened as she realized this. “Adam…” She trailed off. What if this was the cause of everything? Of her fear to trust? Dixie bit down on her lower lip as her eyes left Adam and fell to the ground.

Adam then pulled her back to him, and Dixie sighed slowly, letting a long breath out. When he spoke, she found herself feeling better. He had helped her, and she didn’t know if she wanted to tell him that or not. Was she ready to tell him who she had lost trust in, and why she had lost trust in him? Dixie closed her eyes. I trust Adam, though, don’t I? Isn’t that why I’m so scared of telling him anything. If I let too much information out… what will happen then? Dixie opened her eyes and breathed in before pulling away.

“So if I tell you something, as a friend, you won’t turn away?”

[Professor Adam Greene]

Dixie's face portrayed an array of emotions. Adam couldn't really tell what she was thinking, or how she was feeling. But she wasn't rejecting of him or his long speech. She began to say his name, but then stopped and looked again as if she wanted to cry.

When she did finally speak, Adam back up again so that he could see her face, keeping his hands on her shoulders as he stared for a moment. He liked be able to see her face when he spoke. Not that he could really get any indication as to what she was thinking, since she was good at masking her emotions from what he had seen. He just liked being able to see her so that it felt more real.

"Never, I promise," he said, as he nodded his head, indicating that he would never turn on a friend. "You have no standards to live up to for me Dixie," he said with a smile.

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

Dixie smiled a comforted smile and then pulled him to sit down in front of her. She sat with her legs to the left of her, her skirt pulled over her knees, and her fingers fiddled with the ends of it. Her hands moved to the ground and she began to trace doodles in the dirt. She knew she was probably getting dirt underneath her fingernails but she didn’t care. “That means a lot,” she began as her fingers continued to draw the most random of shapes in the dirt. “To know that no matter what I tell you, you won’t turn and run. When I asked you I already knew the answer. That kind of scared me, I suppose, but it was kind of fun knowing that I have someone that would always be there for me.” Dixie stopped drawing and looked up at Adam. Her face as stolid as it ever could be. “I remember why or how, really, I lost trust.” Dixie smirked and then looked at the ground again, “Parents. They’re supposed to be the couple of people you know will always be there. They’re supposed to be the ones you trust completely.

“Not mine. Mine were horrible. My father,” Dixie spit out the word as if it were the most vile thing on earth, “was always off doing one thing or another with one woman one night and another the next. My mother was a pathetic excuse for a woman. All she did was follow him about and do as he ordered. I suppose that’s the only cliché thing about my family. My father ruled the house with a hard hand and my mother did nothing to object to it. In fact, it was Mack who stopped everything and caused the family to fall apart… or rebuild, rather.” Here Dixie paused and thought about that. Did Mack deserve thanks or blame? Brushing it off, Dixie continued. “That was actually on my list… I wish I weren’t jealous of Mack. She had the strength to do everything that I didn’t but everything that I should have been able to do. I felt weak next to her. According to Mother and Father, though, she was the only one in the family who had something to hold over their head. Mother was oblivious to what else was going on in her house, and Father didn’t think I’d say anything.”

Dixie paused a moment and looked up at Adam, “You swear you won’t think of me any differently?” She didn’t wait for an answer, though she knew what he would say. It was whether or not he thought the same thing after she told him everything. Would she tell him everything? Dixie bit her lip in thought and then continued to talk, “I was maybe four or five… Mack was only about two or so, she wouldn’t remember anything. Besides that fact, she was always locked in the attic anyway,” Dixie smirked, “told you they were horrible parents. Mum’s much better now, honestly. Now that she’s with Hank everything’s fine.” Dixie found herself getting off topic on purpose and she knew she had to get back on track if she ever wanted to make sense. Taking a deep breath, “He was supposed to love me, right? I mean, really love me. The only person who knew anything about what was going on was Jamie, he isn’t important, and that was because I was… rather drunk when I told him.” Dixie looked down as she said that and then looked back up, “I trusted him. I trusted my father. I really did. I was his little princess. He got me whatever I wanted and exactly when I wanted it.

“But after awhile, he wouldn’t just give me things.” Dixie stressed the word ‘give’, “’I can’t just give you gifts anymore Dix, because Mummy keeps complaining about how you get so many more things than she does or Mackenzie does. So I think the only fair thing is for you to work for them like your sister.’ I was young; I didn’t know what he meant. I thought he meant chores… or possibly even going to work with him. I was stupid.” Dixie stopped. Wondering if Adam caught on with what she was trying to say without having to say it. It was the closest she got to telling anyone… while she was sober anyway.

[Professor Adam Greene]

Dixie pulled Adam to the ground, seemingly grateful that he was willing to listen and not run. When Dixie first started out, Adam gave her an understanding nod. He had some experience with parent problems of his own. At least he understood the neglect part of the whole issue.

Then, Dixie began to further explain the issue that she attributed her trust problems to. Adam listened, saddened by what she had to say. He knew better than to naively assume that the world was all fine and dandy, but he never liked hearing of some of the awful things that families everywhere had hidden behind the doors of their homes. Dixie told of her father and his relationships with other women, and then of her mother, who just accepted it all as if nothing was wrong.

When she told of how Mack had actually somewhat helped the problem, Adam was relieve for a bit, but then Dixie just explained how that led to her jealousy of Mackenzie. "I'm sorry that you had to go through that," Adam said, hoping that he could try to understand as best he could from his own experiences. It wasn't anywhere close to being the same though, so it was hard for him to really understand. However, he knew that Dixie didn't really need that as much as she just wanted someone to listen and accept her regardless of what she was saying.

When she questioned him again about not changing his view of her, despite whatever she might disclose, Adam nodded his head, affirming that she could trust him. He was silent as Dixie went on. Adam listened closely. He could tell Dixie was being so transparent with him, and he wanted to be sure that he did nothing that would make her feel hurt or betrayed. Therefore, he chose every word carefully, just trying to show that he really did care and was willing to listen and try to understand the best that he could.

"I.. I'm really sorry," were the only words that he could say at first as he shook his head back and forth slowly. "Dixie, that's terrible. You shouldn't have had to deal with that." Adam was silent for a bit longer. He placed his hand on Dixie's which was playing with the edge of her skirt. "Look, I'm not sure really what to say or how I can help you to get over this, but I will do whatever I can. If this is something you want to leave in the past, there shouldn't be any reason why you should have to take this with you any longer." Adam hoped that his words served some help to Dixie; any help at all. He knew that she needed a friend right now, and that's exactly what he planned to be for her.

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

"No one should have to go through it, Adam dear." Dixie snarled with heavy sarcasm as she looked at the ground angrily, hot tears welling up in her eyes. "Not even the lowest of the lowly mudbloods deserve something so awful." She closed her eyes and pushed her tears away, making sure they didn't fall. She hadn't cried while she was at Bethlem, why would she cry now? At Bethlem she hadn't told anyone anything. She had twisted their words to make it seem like she was perfectly sane and they were the crazy ones. Dixie never really had to do any truth telling in order to get out of Bethlem. Kurr on the other hand still existed. She had beaten that a bit at a time with her own thoughts and ideas, even Matt couldn't understand - much less help- Kurr. For the most part, Dixie had banished the imaginary place from her mind. She hadn't returned to in months and she had no plans to return to it now. Kurr was as horrible, if not more so, than Bethlem had been.

Slowly, Dixie lifted her head and glanced at Adam before turning her attention to the tree. It had a place. Somewhere in life to live. It knew it's goal and it achieved it. When it was finished, it died and then was reborn in the spring. Why couldn't humans be like trees? Because if all things were alike in every aspect there would be no differences in the world. Everyone would be the exact same and people couldn't love. They couldn't live. Sighing slightly, Dixie looked back at Adam and smiled slightly, "I'm never really going to get over it, am I? I'm always going to have nightmares in the back of mind... filed in an archive. I won't ever be able to escape from all the pain and misery that was bestowed upon me as a child. I know it and I'm pretty sure you know it. You're smarter than to believe that with some therapy or help from a friend it will completely disappear forever..." Dixie looked down at her skirt again and then brushed the dirt off it. She was rather restless, but she had just told someone her biggest secret and she had never done that before.

Dixie laughed lightly, "Mack thinks she's the one who had the screwed up past with our father. She doesn't know anything. She thinks she's perfect because she's got some label for her singing, but she isn't the only one who can sing in the family. I'm just... saying..." She stopped and looked up at Adam. What was she saying? Was she really that jealous of her younger sister? Dixie chewed the inside of her cheek in thought. "Have you met Mack, I mean, from the last time we talked? Because if you met her, you might understand where I'm coming from. She doesn't speak very highly of me. I guess she has right to hate me though. I did always shove her away from the family. I did that to protect her, though. She wouldn't believe me if I told her that. So I keep that locked inside along with the million other things Mackenzie and everyone else in the world doesn't know." She smirked to hide her pain and then tried her hardest to keep everything under control. But it was so hard. It was so hard to do when she felt like she could just fall apart at any given moment. The last time she felt like this she had gone to see Padme, who she rarely ever talked to anymore. Her insanity drove the younger girl away. Or at least, that's how Dixie saw it. She brought her right hand to cover her eyes and started to cry. She cried silently, but the tears fell. The fell ever so slowly.

((Yeah, I had to find a way to end this or she would go on and on and on. Heh.))

[Professor Adam Greene]

Adam bit his top lip and shook his head in agreement. Dixie's words all held so much truth. "You're right," he said simply. "Nobody should have to go through something like that, and it is wrong of me to just assume that you can magically get over these things that haunt your past." Adam was quiet for a few moments after saying this. He really was not sure what to say or how he should act exactly. He knew that Dixie had taken a huge step in sharing this with him.

"Dixie," he began, and then closed his eyes for a few seconds and bit his top lip before continuing. "I know that there is nothing I could ever do or say that would erase anything in your past. I just hope you know that I really do care though, and wish that there were something more that I could do. If just being here to listen is helpful, then I can say that I am always available to lend an ear." It was all Adam really knew how to say. He really did feel bad for Dixie. It must have been so hard to hold in and feel like she had no one to trust for all these years.

He listened as she explained more, still unable to speak, for fear of not saying the right things that she needed to hear. When she stopped, he saw a few tears fall from her eyes. Reaching out, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his chest. He rested his cheek on her head and squeezed her slightly. "I'm so sorry Dixie," he whispered. "I know it's not enough, but my sympathy is all I can offer besides being someone you can trust if you are willing."

((sorry it is nothing compared to yours... I had about a 20-minute break in between it, so it wasn't easy to get back into character. ))

[Dixie Holden-Greene]

That's all they can offer... sympathy. I never really accepted it from anyone. I wanted someone to fix me, to fix what was broken. Yet, now? Now it seems just enough. Just enough for him to sympathize with me. Why is it that I'm okay with him just telling me that he's there if I need to talk when that's all Matt did and I never cared enough to try? Dixie sighed, her mind running at a million miles a minute. Everything that she had been through at Bethlem had left when she had left. Now, it was all coming back to her. All her fears, dreams, wants, and wishes reinhabited her mind making her want to cry out. In Bethlem she had grown accustomed to being considered a freak by everyone, even when she returned home she was treated as a loon; especially by Trevor. Now... Dixie was being seen as an equal. She was nothing more and nothing less. Adam wasn't pointing and gawking. He was reassuring and comforting. Why could he do that, and no one else? More importantly. Why was Dixie allowing him?

Her tears had stopped falling, and she was just still. Her eyes closed and her head bowed slightly while leaning against Adam. Why am I allowing him in? Won't it hurt later on? When all is over and we have to go on with our lives... won't the one person I trusted above all just hurt me again only this time not intentionally? Wasn't there a reason why I put up this wall around everything I am and everything I could be? Wasn't that reason so strong and something I believed in so much that the wall remained to be there for years and years? How is it that Adam, upon our second conversation could break through that wall with a slight tap and get me to spill almost all my secrets as if they were nothing? Was she making a larger deal out of this than it really was? Dixie couldn't help but wonder if she were being melodramatic. If she should have just taken all that came to her and dealt with it by brushing it off saying it was common and that people dealt with it all the time. Her mother surely acted like that. Pam treated her as if she were diseased after awhile.

"I don't.... I don't think I would have told you all that if I didn't trust you. But I'm still scared about a lot of things having to deal with that... Adam if I found out you told anyone... and I will know if you told anyone because you're the only one who really knows that attends Hogwarts.. I will hunt you down and make you wish you weren't born. I may be vulnerable, and I may be like a child in many many ways but I am still a Queen and I am a Queen for a reason." Dixie was threatening him... but her voice wasn't very threatening. She spoke in a smallish little girl voice and she heard some words were shakey. She didn't want to threaten him, and she knew all too well that if he did spread anything.. she wouldn't do anything about it besides withdraw into herself once more and lose all trust for anyone. She didn't want to lose something that she had just found.

((Sorry for the threats even if they were weak.))

[Professor Adam Greene]

She's threatening me?He thought. At first Adam was somewhat taken back by Dixie's claims to live up to her reputation as a Queen if he dared to disclose any of the information she had shared with him. If it were not for her tone of voice, and the fact that she didn't seem very upset, Adam might have taken the threats a little more seriously. It wasn't that he doubted that she could do any harm, but it was his doubt in her actually doing what she was saying. Primarily, he knew he wouldn't have to worry, simply because he had no intentions of talking to anybody about it anyways- not like there was anyone he would care to tell. The only reason Adam could even think that someone would want to do such a thing would be revenge. He had no reason for any feelings of vengeance toward Dixie.

"Well," he said, somewhat laughing a bit as he replied, "I don't think that either of us will have to worry about you hunting me down." He grinned as he rubbed the back of her head with his hand. "And what's this talk about your being a Queen," he teased. "I thought we decided you were going to just be Dixie. Simply Dixie and nothing else," he said, partially serious, yet still in a voice that indicating he was only joking with her.

Adam was quiet for a moment, sitting on the ground still with one arm behind him, holding himself up. The other arm rested behind Dixie, holding her up as well. Leaning his head back, he thought to himself. He let the conversation that they had sink in a bit, and then his mind wandered to various other topics. After hearing Dixie willingly open up so much to him, he thought for a while about his own past. He thought of all the secrets he held inside, secrets that he never felt the need to share with others. Some were irrelevant, others were more meaningful, and even a few were what might be considered 'dark secrets'. The whole idea of secrets made him think of what his most guarded secret was. It was hard to chose, for he had so many that he could have considered the worst, or the deepest, or the most meaningful. The truth was, as trustworthy as Adam was or even thought himself to be, secrets weren't something that he gave very willingly, to even those he found great trust in. Because of this, he admired Dixie. Even if trust was something that she had just started to relearn, she demonstrated true trust, something Adam wasn't so sure he had quite mastered.

"Wanna know a secret?" Adam asked Dixie quietly, almost whispering in her ear.