Post by Danelle Gregory H6 on Jan 20, 2009 0:43:55 GMT
Words will probably, undoubtedly, never make up for the way I have acted about certain things on this site. There are no excuses. No…reasonable answers I can give to that question – that always hanging over my head question of “why?” All I can say, really, is that I was being really selfish and that in itself is shameful.
This site had been so much to me, it had been this support – this wonderful place I could go and vent and let off steam that boiled up inside of me. And in the end, I treated it like absolute crap. I hurt people in the process, and while I hope that someday they will forgive me – I don’t blame them if they don’t.
Four Houses saw me through my worst, and my best…or at least a little bit of it. It had been this home away from home that I could go to when I need therapy. The truth is, it became something I needed therapy for. I became really wrapped up in it, in the whole idea of role playing, I blocked myself out of my real life. Then the whole thing with Alex…it just… wow, it blew everything apart. I don’t know how I recovered from that, or if I even have completely.
Perhaps that’s why I need Four Houses as I do right now. Because my life has become this huge ticking time bomb…and I need a familiar comfort. I don’t expect open arms, or happy smiles and hugs – heck, I expect rotten tomatoes to be thrown at me or perhaps even a beheading (too much Henry VIII reading right now…sorry).
I’m hesitant to come back, though, because there are so many people here who were such great friends who I turned my back on –who I let my psychological health (or lack thereof, really) destroy the bond between us and…I’m afraid that I’ll come back and no one will really welcome me, no one will try to make me feel a part of the site again.
That’s a fear I’ll have to face, because I need this site and I need the familiarity of this world that’s been created.
So…whether you hate me, forgive me, or don’t care one ounce about me…I’m back and hopefully I can atone for some things (a lot of things) that probably shouldn’t have happened in the first place.
All I’m asking for… is perhaps a little forgiveness. I know I was in the wrong for so many things and, as I said before, I really can’t give excuses for it – aside from the fact that all was not well with me at that time…for the past two years really – and I am ore stable, more in tune with what I should and should not do and yeah….
Thank you.
Caitlin
This site had been so much to me, it had been this support – this wonderful place I could go and vent and let off steam that boiled up inside of me. And in the end, I treated it like absolute crap. I hurt people in the process, and while I hope that someday they will forgive me – I don’t blame them if they don’t.
Four Houses saw me through my worst, and my best…or at least a little bit of it. It had been this home away from home that I could go to when I need therapy. The truth is, it became something I needed therapy for. I became really wrapped up in it, in the whole idea of role playing, I blocked myself out of my real life. Then the whole thing with Alex…it just… wow, it blew everything apart. I don’t know how I recovered from that, or if I even have completely.
Perhaps that’s why I need Four Houses as I do right now. Because my life has become this huge ticking time bomb…and I need a familiar comfort. I don’t expect open arms, or happy smiles and hugs – heck, I expect rotten tomatoes to be thrown at me or perhaps even a beheading (too much Henry VIII reading right now…sorry).
I’m hesitant to come back, though, because there are so many people here who were such great friends who I turned my back on –who I let my psychological health (or lack thereof, really) destroy the bond between us and…I’m afraid that I’ll come back and no one will really welcome me, no one will try to make me feel a part of the site again.
That’s a fear I’ll have to face, because I need this site and I need the familiarity of this world that’s been created.
So…whether you hate me, forgive me, or don’t care one ounce about me…I’m back and hopefully I can atone for some things (a lot of things) that probably shouldn’t have happened in the first place.
All I’m asking for… is perhaps a little forgiveness. I know I was in the wrong for so many things and, as I said before, I really can’t give excuses for it – aside from the fact that all was not well with me at that time…for the past two years really – and I am ore stable, more in tune with what I should and should not do and yeah….
Thank you.
Caitlin
